


A Familiar Kind of Love

by auroraphilealis (xrosepetalsx), INeverHadMyInternetPhase



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Ace/Aro discrimination, Affection, Angst, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Cuddling & Snuggling, Familiars, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Platonic Romance, Queerplatonic Relationships, Romance, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Slow Discovery, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Witch - Freeform, Witches, as many ace aro experiences as we could shove in here, familiar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 217,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8405713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrosepetalsx/pseuds/auroraphilealis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/INeverHadMyInternetPhase/pseuds/INeverHadMyInternetPhase
Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **ineverhadmyinternetphase** : _so here we go! We’ve been secretly writing together for ages and finally we have something ready for posting. Here is our witch AU that came about because Eliza got excited about familiar Phil, and I was along for the ride and got to write about magic, which is always a plus. Also this is ace aro joy and I promise it ends happily despite the less-than-auspicious beginning (you can trust me never to write sad things, at least not without ending them happily) :P hope you enjoy!_
> 
>  **Insanityplaysfics** : _ages after the last one, I’ve finally returned!! And with an entirely different kind of story to what I’d been doing previously. I’ve been excited for months to finish writing and began posting some of the wonderful things I’ve been writing with Julia, and the time has finally come, so we truly hope you enjoy the first of many stories we hope to share with you guys. My biggest hope with this is to open up a whole new world to those who need it, and help to shed some light on some more ace/aro experiences that might not have been touched on yet. As everyone has a different experience in these things, it would be my honour to express something that would help someone else find a community that makes them feel safe the way I did. Without further ado, please enjoy <3 _
> 
> **Warnings for** : inaccurate herbology/plant & medicine stuff, self-esteem issues & confused hierarchy systems between familiars & witches (that does get resolved), threatened non-con (later, warned in chapter, and non-explicit), explicit discussions of nudity/sexual content but no actual smut, light experiences of ace/aro discrimination & feelings of discomfort/dysphoria during self-discovery, swearing
> 
> Thank you to [vanillasolitude](http://vanillasolitude.tumblr.com.) who we could not have done this without. Every inch of their commentary and editing was a huge confidence boost, and we can not thank Emily enough for even being willing to do this with us. Seriously, it was a mammoth task and Emily just completely rose to the occasion, so giant thanks from us!
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
> For reference, @insanityplaysfics is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

Life was good, and everything was normal.

Dan's life motto had always been that things should be kept within their safe, sensible parameters, and then there wouldn't be anything surprising to come along and get in his way. He lived an orderly life, and kept an orderly shop, and his work was always meticulous and detailed. He'd only been set up in the capital city of Astanor since five months ago, and yet already he was known as the best apothecary in the place.

It had started with one of his earliest customers - an elderly witch who'd been having problems with her bones for years. Dan had whipped her up a potion draft using only the best ingredients, with a mix of his own making, and promised her miracles if she stuck to his regime. As it turned out, she'd been healed in days. When she was seen running up the mountain a week later, people had asked where she got her miracle cure, and thus Dan's business was made.

Over the course of these last five months, Dan had sold everything from lucky charms to wards against curses, doing good business out of his little high street apothecary. He'd grown his supplier and now even hired an assistant to help him on the shop floor, PJ, a young witch in training. He'd proven himself quite useful around the place, and his raven-shaped familiar was useful for sending messages, despite Dan's distaste for the custom.

See, in Astanor, it was expected that every witch had their familiar. A creature of powerful, potent magic that formed the strongest of bonds with their witch, able to read their innermost thoughts and bring about their most desperate desires. Any witch who didn't have a familiar was seen as lonely and lost, and as for familiars without witches...well, if there was an abandoned familiar in town, then everyone knew to run.

Dan had never held much patience for the custom. No familiar had ever appeared to him, thankfully, and he liked life on his own. The idea of some clumsy beast fighting it's way into his brain upset Dan. He was much happier with life as it was. Dan hadn’t ever actively looked into having a familiar, despite there being a council of witches in every city to teach the new generation about finding their familiar, and the customs surrounding it. He didn’t _want_ one, so why would he bother learning about it?

Dan popped out onto the street after closing time to see PJ home, and on his way back, he paused by his neighbours' house to pet her friendly dog. She was a small spaniel with a sharp yap, but Dan absolutely loved her, and often tried to sneak her treats whenever he could make them up specially from his own secret recipe. Her owner didn’t mind, often coming out to chat with Dan when he was passed. She was one of the few people Dan might call a friend, and really, there were few enough of those.

Dan fondled the spaniel’s ears for a while, smiling when she yipped at him. The sun was low in the sky, though, and Dan was itching to crawl into bed in his small, cosy apartment above his apothecary shop.

As he approached his doorway, though, he found that there was something blocking his way.

Dan narrowed his eyes, pausing to eye a black muffled shape in his doorway. It seemed to be curled up asleep, but Dan could see a tail and two ears peeking out from the mound of black fluff.

"Excuse me?" Dan snapped, more rudely than he meant. It had been a long day, and he just wanted a hot meal and to crawl into bed, but there was a fluffy monstrosity in his way. Dan clicked his tongue. "Whoever you are, I think you've got the wrong house."

The life of a familiar was not exactly an easy one. It began at the same time, on the same day, as that of their destined witch, and was never their own. From the moment they were born, they were crafted after their witch – literally formed from a piece of their soul into the shape that best represented them, and were stuck like that for the rest of their life – not that most familiars found a reason to complain.

Born in a world adjacent to their witches’ world, they were forced to watch on from day one to try and find their destined partner in life, never quite able to feel _alive_ until they were bonded and accepted by their witch. It was a lonely existence, and one that Phil in particular had never enjoyed.

Even surrounded by creatures just like him, other familiars in a feline form and ones as distinct and different from him as a baby _shark_ , he still felt lonely, and longed with an aching heart to find his witch.

Instinct and other familiars were the only teacher’s they had. Phil still remembered his first day in existence, and how he’d just _known_  to pick a spot and start watching. Even as his eyes had roved over the Earth across the way, searching, searching, searching, he hadn’t fully known what he was doing until another familiar had come along and helped him along. All he’d known was that he was searching for something familiar, something that drew him in, and all he’d known was that it could be years until he found it.

As he grew, though, Phil learned more and more, until he understood that his magic was what blocked him from his witch, waiting for the right moment to ding onto him (and “him” was all that Phil knew of his witch, because “him” rang true to Phil) and drag Phil’s attention to his whereabouts in the world. Until that moment, there was a fog that would not be lifted – and yet, he was expected to just keep looking.

He made friends, though, with the other familiars, seeking comfort in their loneliness as well. They ate together, spoke together, and shared stories from the other world that they could never truly understand just from watching. The elder familiars still stuck in their world did their best to educate, but even they only knew as much as instinct and experience had taught them, so they were mostly alone.

Phil’s greatest fear growing up was that he would never find his witch. He wouldn’t be the first familiar to meet such a horrible fate, to defy all the rules of their world and instincts by some unfortunate twist of events, and it scared him almost more than his magic did – something Phil knew to be unpredictable and dangerous at best, just from watching the other familiars already down in their human’s world. His overall fears were not unfounded, though, as there was a lot of danger just in bonding with one’s witch - almost more danger than in not finding them at all.

A familiar only got one chance to bond; the instant their eyes met another witch’s, their magics would from a permanent bond between them instantly, whether said witch was the right witch or not (and a familiar knew immediately whether it was the right witch or not). This was a mutation brought on over thousands and thousands of years to prevent familiars from trying to find their witch too early on by merely searching the human world in their current forms until a bond suddenly formed.

Phil had heard horror stories about how dangerous it was to bond too early, and shuddered at the very thought of it, even as he hated that there was so much pressure on finding the right person on the first try, as once you were bonded, even if the right familiar came along, there was no turning back.

For this reason, even familiars who’d already found their witches often didn’t bond until much later on in life, scared that something would go wrong and their happiness would be destroyed in an instant after so long of waiting. Many familiars cited the old stories, about how a familiar would join their witches life too early and find themselves sacrificing their own because their presence welcomed trouble, putting their witch at risk before they were ready, while others merely claimed that it was safer to watch and learn your witch before trying to approach them in their own world.

Phil could never really blame their hesitation, as a witch did not have to accept their familiar into their life. A bond didn’t ensure a happy ending. A bond just encouraged interaction, a chance to feel each other out, and while a familiar was born _for_ their witch, that didn’t always mean their witch wanted them.

Abandoned familiars were not uncommon. Some wandered the Earth for days, leaving behind wakes of destruction in their path, before they finally winked out of existence, their magic consuming them whole. The thought of it was terrifying even now to Phil, who couldn’t imagine the pain a familiar had to go through when they lost their witch before they even had a chance to have them.

A rejection or an acceptance could only happen once, and the decision would be made.

That terrified Phil even more.

But despite it all, Phil knew, had seen, and could _fee_ l that there was nothing better in life than bonding with your witch and having the opportunity to spend the rest of your life together with them.

Because of that, the second Phil located his witch on the high streets of Astanor, tucked away someplace inland that Phil had never _actually_ seen before, he didn’t waste a second pondering over what he should do. The strong sense that he had found _the one_ permeated his fur until it was standing on end, and while his friends warned him to give it some time, to feel it all out before just appearing to his witch in a sudden whirlwind of emotion, Phil popped into existence on the doorstep of his witch’s apparent apothecary, and waited until he came home.

His witch was nearby, and Phil could feel it, feel him moving closer, something like anxious excitement bubbling away in his chest until he was nearly bursting with it. Small body curled up on his witches doorstep, Phil kept his face hidden and towards the door to avoiding any mistakes when his witch appeared; only the man didn’t sound very happy when he turned the corner to find a strange creature here.

 _That's okay_ , Phil thought. _He probably just thinks I'm someone's stray cat_ , he decided, and despite the fear prickling under his skin that things could go terribly wrong, he began to purr quietly, his tail flicking about in a lazy display. He wanted the moment they bonded to be perfect, and so he waited patiently for his witch to realize who he was, while said witch tapped his foot behind him impatiently.

"Seriously, shoo!" his witch's voice demanded, footsteps approaching closer. Phil could practically feel it as he batted about the air around his fur, and his ears flopped over in fear.

 _Why is he shooing me away?_ he thought, purring louder to try and tell his witch that he was safe. _I've done nothing wrong, have I?_ he wondered, shoulders shrinking and tail moving to wave more slowly. _Surely he know's what I am_ , he thought.

The mass of fluff on Dan’s doorway was still refusing to move, much to Dan's chagrin. In fact, it was emitting a purring noise that seemed to suggest it was really quite comfortable right where it was. It's fur looked soft and fluffy, and with it curled up so tightly, Dan was having difficulty trying to figure out exactly what manner of creature it was. Not a dog; a small lynx, perhaps, or a wildcat that had somehow got into his garden.

If Dan hadn't been so tired, maybe he would have felt the waves of power flowing from its fur.

As it was, Dan's thoughts were fixed firmly on his bed and the bowl of steaming soup waiting for him, rather the unexpected obstacle on his doorstep.

Dan tapped his foot, crossing his arms and glaring at the thing at his feet. "I'm telling you for the last time - move. Or I won't hesitate to cast a blocking spell."

Then, the fluffy thing lifted its head and turned alert eyes upon Dan, and the world came crashing down around his ears.

An immense force grew between them, suddenly, and Dan was powerless against it. His insides were suddenly squeezed raw, opening him up from the inside out, a pressure building to a crescendo in his head. And all because those eyes were fixed straight on him.

Dan didn’t know much about familiars, or instinctual magic, or anything other than his potions, really, but everything about this situation was telling him it _wasn’t good._ The power kept building in his head, growing and throbbing and pushing at his mind until he felt completely raw, vulnerable in a way he hated. Desperately, he tried to throw up shields, but they were swallowed in the immense flood of magic throbbing through him, and all from that creature’s blue eyes.

All he could do was throw his hands up in front of his eyes and yelp, "No!" before the power was swallowing them whole.

Phil had truly thought that everything was going to be okay. His witch, however, seemed quite intent on shooing Phil away, and it was making Phil's ears wilt with pain. He hadn't even bonded yet and his witch already seemed to want to get rid of him. Did he truly not know what Phil was? Who Phil was to _him?_

A bit disgruntled that his plan for a perfect bonding moment had failed, Phil finally lifted his head and turned to look at his witch, knowing by feel alone that they were both alone and therefore no mistakes were going to happen.

Then his eyes landed on the most perfect human being Phil had ever seen, and the sudden swirl of intense magic inside of him began to fill the air between them. Phil felt his fur being pressed down by the strength of the sudden wind swirling through the air, watched as his witch's hair was thrown into a flurry and his robes danced about his body, and felt it as that small, invisible bond began to form.

Phil purred on, happy, content - and then the strained shout of a loud "no!" pierced his ears, and his heart very nearly wrenched from his chest. His ears flattened, he began to growl rather than purr, and he backed up until his tail had hit his witches door, his mind going blank for just a second as the bond settled into place - and then he could hear everything, and the words hurt Phil so much that he cast up a shield, blocking his mind from his witch’s - Dan's - thoughts. His power was too strong, however, and before he knew it, Dan was being thrown across his own front garden, the large blast from Phil's shield having done nothing but to cause Dan harm.

Phil's thoughts were consumed by Dan's memories, but the fear was all too real as he curled into himself on Dan's porch.

 _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not what you wanted!_ Phil wailed into Dan's mind, and then he was winking out of existence and back into his own world to watch the fallout of the worst mistake he’d ever made from far above and away.

The force knocked all the wind out of Dan as he went flying backward, landing heavily on the soggy grass of the opposite side of his garden several feet away from his doorstep. He stayed there, winded and shocked, for a moment, mind going blank in fear and shock at the new, horrible realisation that _there was something alien in his mind_.

There was a pressure there, inside his head, that hadn't been there before; a strange nudging, the source of which he couldn't quite find, but it built and built until suddenly he was being flooded with someone else's thoughts - an overwhelming amount of them - and they were _in his head_.

Weakly, Dan tried to build up a shield, but before he could, the alien thoughts were suddenly gone, cut off. All but one - a desperate scream of _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not what you wanted!_.

And then the alien pressure was gone as suddenly as it had arrived.

Dan drew in a shaky, terrified breath, and lifted himself up from the ground. He stood on wobbly legs and stared at the entrance to his apothecary, where his doorstep was now empty and there was no sign at all that anything was amiss. He looked left, and right, but everything on the high street looked perfectly normal for a lazy Wednesday evening.

Apart from that little murmur in the back of his head - something alien that refused to go away.

Dan swallowed. He knew enough to piece together what had happened - had caught a terrifying glimpse of it from the onslaught of alien thoughts in his head. The black fluffy thing had been a familiar.

And it had bonded with Dan.

Dan shuddered at the very thought. He'd never wanted a familiar, never wanted something to get in his way and invade his most private thoughts. Dan's head was Dan's alone. But now, some beast had looked at him, and clearly it didn't like what it found it if threw him across the garden and then disappeared straight away.

Dan went nervously into his shop, itching to get inside, but every step brought with it more fear that he might just happen across the black monster again. His heart in his mouth, he made it all the way up the stairs and into his flat, locking the door behind him and immediately casting a whole battery of protective spells.

Hopefully the familiar would just...disappear again. Even though that spelled disaster for everyone. Dan was going to have to watch his back if he had a familiar that didn't like him, and, well, he most _certainly_ didn't like his familiar.

**

Phil was hysterical when he got home, his friends gathering around him immediately to cajole but also to preach "I-told-you-so's," only it wasn't what Phil needed right then, even as feline friend after feline friend moved to create one giant pile of fur with Phil in the middle, all purring and projecting conversation into thought between them all.

It hurt so much that Phil just continued to cry, pathetic mewling noises pulling from his throat followed by little yips and cries of pain, until finally, the sound was so low it was something only his own kind could hear, pressing up against him and rubbing into his fur. His ears drooped, and his tail wrapped around himself in fear, clutching tight to his body as he lay in a heap of warm bodies and soft purring.

It did nothing to comfort him, as some of his friends tried to comfort, and others yelled.

He'd just been so excited to find his witch. He hadn't been thinking. He hadn't thought the horror stories could be true. Some witches...just didn't want familiars.

 _You can't just give up,_ one familiar growled at him. _You have to keep fighting. You haven't even given him a chance to properly reject you. He has to mean it with every ounce of his body for you to wink out of existence, and even that's better than_ this.

By this, Phil knew the other familiar meant the pain that came from being away from your witch after bonding, and he knew that the pain was only going to get worse if they didn’t resolve this soon. Only, Phil wasn’t so sure he wanted to resolve this anymore if it meant that Dan was going to reject him.

 _Don't be an idiot, Phil. You can't live up here with us anymore. You need your witch_ , the familiar continued, causing Phil’s ear’s to wilt even further in pain.

He knew they were right, of course he did, but it hurt to have already been nearly rejected so quickly. His mind was full of memories of Dan, had caught everything from his moments as the smallest child, to now, staring down at Phil in annoyance until the fear had gripped him and he'd only been able to shout "no!"

 _It hurts_ , Phil whimpered.

 _It’s only going to get worse_ , another familiar murmured to him, and even as he knew that they were right, he just put his head down and continued to mourn.

**

Familiars were meant to be able to change to their human forms once they'd found their human, but Phil couldn't seem to get the hang of it. He had no idea how it was meant to work, and every time he tried, he instead just managed to poof into existence on Dan's porch again before popping back home. The other familiars of his kind were beginning to grow annoyed with him, until Phil's ears were flat to his head and he was emitting a constant growl to keep them all away from him. They didn't try to speak to him anymore, though Phil could _feel_ them telling him to just give up on his human form already and appear to Dan as a cat instead.

Only Dan hated cats, and Phil wanted nothing more than to please his witch. It was a bit confusing to him why he’d taken the form of a cat when Dan hated them so much, but he wasn’t going to argue when there was a simple solution; becoming human and choosing to stay in that form from now on instead. If only it would work. Still, it stung to be rejected from his form _alone_ , and Phil was still puzzling over how his witch could hate him so much when Phil was essentially just an extension of his soul; and Phil knew that he’d picked the right witch, there was no doubt on that point. He could see himself reflected in Dan’s aura after all, could feel the strength and health of the bond flowing between their minds, could _sense_ that pull of familiarity and _rightness_ just at the thought of Dan. Did Dan just dislike himself, or something? Phil hated the thought of that, and it only pushed him further to try harder for his Dan.

There were only two real problems with Phil’s plan of attack right now, though. One, he wasn’t even sure if it was _possible_ for him to just give up on one form entirely, and two… he couldn't seem to make himself change.

Growing more and more frustrated with every failed attempt, Phil tried one last time, and squeaked as he accidentally appeared on top of Dan - thankfully as a cat, though his cat form was still quite large and sprawled out over Dan's chest, who he'd apparently knocked over.

 _I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!_ Phil projected into Dan's mind, mentally holding his breath as he tested his new found shield in an attempt to protect them both. He could feel the shield bounce back at him, reflected from one Dan had created as well, and Phil almost wanted to cry at that, but he held himself back as he gripped instinctively onto Dan’s chest.

He should have known that Dan would think to put up a shield as well, especially considering he hardly wanted Phil at all.

In the quiet days after the sudden appearance of his familiar, Dan struggled to resume his normal life. He just wanted things to be the _same_ , with no change and no destructive faux-animals running about the place. All he had to do was stick to his routine and act like nothing had happened, and ignore the few times a black shape appeared at his doorstep for a fraction of a second before disappearing again.

Dan kept to his apothecary. He brewed healing potions and ordered new supplies and tended to his own treasured greenhouse of ingredients out the back of his shop, throwing all his efforts into his work in an attempt to keep things normal. Nothing had to change. Everything could stay exactly the same.

And if he spent more time practising his shielding to make sure that his mind was fully protected - well, that was just his paranoia, probably. No one had to know.

For the most part, Dan succeeded in keeping things normal, as well. His regular customers remained the same - Mrs Pritchard still needed her daily herbs, and Alex Metter still had problems with his joints, and Dan was more than happy to supply. He spent his days focused on his potions, as well as exploring some newer, more experimental techniques.

He was just handling a new arrival from his suppliers - dragonplant, a very rare and very expensive flower whose petals could be most potent when mixed with the right herbs. Dan was carefully carrying the glass container across to his greenhouse, where they needed to be kept in the perfect controlled environment, when something very large and very black was suddenly ramming into his chest and knocking him over.

In the half a second that Dan was frozen in shock, he heard a very familiar and very unwelcome voice murmur an apology into his mind, at the same time as the glass container he’d been holding smashed into the ground and sent his dragonplant everywhere.

"NO!" Dan cried again, unaware that so far that was all he'd said to his familiar - apparently. He struggled to get up, but the black furry heavy thing was still on his chest and Dan could feel its claws digging in. Dan snarled, shoving the thing forcefully off his chest in order to get to his dragonplant, at the same time as throwing up his shield to protect his thoughts. The last thing he wanted was a nosy creature wriggling around in his mind.

Maybe the dragonplant could still be salvaged--

But no. The precious petals were already wilting as they met the open air.

"Idiot!" Dan screeched, throwing his hands in the air. "That's my only supply! Ruined! It's ruined!"

Phil heard the sound of glass shattering, of course he did, but it had hardly registered in his mind before Dan was shouting another cursed "no!" out loud. Digging his nails into Dan's t-shirt in an attempt to stay close to the warmth of his witch, Phil felt his ears began to wilt, and found himself shaking despite not wanting to. He wasn't meant to be so frightened of his witch, but that was a difficult thing not to be when Dan just kept shouting at him every time Phil appeared. Of course Phil wasn't trying to have the worst timing in the world - the least Dan could be was a teensy bit sympathetic.

Phil yowled loudly as Dan managed to tear him away from his shirt, throwing Phil across the floor where he rolled over loose rocks and stones. Normally, Phil wouldn't have minded the feeling of dirt pressing to his itchy fur, but right then? Well, it hurt more than he could say, and it was far more than a physical pain.

Phil's heart hurt, because his witch was rejecting him. One chance. Phil had one bloody chance, and he'd already fucked up royally. What was he meant to do? He hadn't intended to ruin Dan's plant.

And then an idea popped into his head.

 _Then I'll just go get you some more_ , he chirped into Dan's mind helpfully. He might not be able to hear Dan's thoughts, but he was still able to get his own in there.

Seconds later, Phil was popping out of existence and into a very exotic land where harvesters were divulging dragonplant from the ground. Prancing over stealthily, Phil gripped the root of one in his shaper teeth, and pulled up.

Then, he popped back into existence in front of Dan, grinning around the plant in his mouth, until it, too, wilted. Ears drooping, Phil stared cross-eyed down at the ruined dragonplant.

 _I don't understand why that happened_ , he complained, shoulders hunching as he sat back on his haunches and tried to present himself to Dan in a less threatening way. _I can try again?_ he offered, just wanting to be useful and make it up to his witch.

Dan flinched at first at the noise that kept invading his mind, that silky soft voice that could only belong to his familiar. Despite Dan's shield, it was still getting through, which must mean exactly what he didn't want it to mean - that the bond had been successful, and he was now stuck with a familiar he'd never wanted.

A _clumsy_ familiar.

...But also a familiar who tried to put things right. Dan admittedly did soften a little when the animal appeared with another dragonplant in its mouth. The dragonplant wilted straight away, of course, but at least the familiar had _tried_.

Softening just a little, Dan sat reluctantly down in front of the cat, on his knees, and started to sweep up the glass covering the floor. He narrowed his eyes, saying gruffly, "It needs protection from the air. That's why I had it in a glass container. I could give you another one, but I don't suppose you can carry it in your claws." Dan sighed heavily. "I can order another one in. It'll take weeks, but it'll do, I suppose. More importantly - what are you doing here?"

Dan was speaking out loud, definitely preferring to keep his thoughts shielded. No one else got access to his head, and certainly not overeager, clumsy animals.

It didn't surprise Phil when Dan refused to communicate with him the way they were _meant_ to. After all, he hadn't gained his witches trust yet, and so he really couldn’t expect anything more than what he was already getting. That said, it still made him happy to hear Dan speak to him at all - and something more than a shouted, horrified “no” both times.

As happy as Phil was to have Dan communicating with him now, though, he was more than annoyed his witch would think so little of him, and he let out a breathy sigh as Dan sat in front of him, chastising him and behaving as if Phil wasn't able to do just about anything for his witch.

 _Do you know anything about familiars?_ he huffed into Dan's mind, settling down with his paws crossed under his body, turning his form into that of a giant black mound. His ears were pulled back in annoyance, but also because he wanted to be able to hear it if anyone came by. He sniffed haughtily and moved his gaze so he was staring just past Dan's shoulder rather than at him in the least threatening way he could manage. Dan staring straight at him was unnerving him - didn't the man know that was a direct challenge? He wished he would stop looking into Phil's eyes.

 _I don't need to carry it in my paws. If you wish for a dragonplant, I will get you a dragonplant_ , he insisted, and winked out of existence once more. This time, he conjured a glass container that was exactly like those around him and the dragonplant being harvested, bit off the stem of a plant and pressed it inside of the container, and then popped both it and himself back into existence just in front of Dan. His own form appeared lazily back in it's last position as if it hadn't moved at all, with the dragonplant in it's casing sitting just between his paws.

 _I merely needed to know why it hadn't survived the first time_ , he complained, still miffed that Dan was treating him like a lesser being. He knew he was meant to be making Dan like him, but he wasn't liking Dan so much at that moment.

_I'm here because I am your familiar. We have bonded. I wish to become your lifelong companion._

Dan didn't much like the tone this cat was taking with him (and yes, he was calling it a cat, not a _familiar_ or whatever other ridiculous name it might have for itself. As far as Dan was concerned, it looked like a cat, so it was a cat). He frowned, still staring directly at it as it looked passed his shoulder and huffed about how little Dan apparently knew.

Well, it was hardly _Dan's_ fault that some clumsy little beast had come running into his life.

He arched a surprised brow, admittedly impressed, when the cat suddenly had another shoot of dragonplant in the perfect container held between its paws. Dan hadn't even seen it _move_ \- how had it even done that? Dan wasn't aware of a form of magic strong enough to not even be visible, and Dan had studied as many branches of magic as he could (though admittedly he’d avoided familiars entirely, blocking out even his teachers seconds after they mentioned “strong bonds” and “mental connections.” That was not Dan’s scene).

Dan couldn't help but flinch when the cat's voice appeared in his mind again, automatically strengthening his shield. It had no effect, however - apparently this large, ungainly cat had already forced its way into Dan's life, however unwelcome it may be. The way its thoughts could just speak straight into Dan's mind was unsettling. He didn't like it one bit.

Dan stared at the dragonplant with distrust. "I - I suppose that'll do. Is it real? How did you do that?" He fired the demanding questions quickly, staring straight back at the cat's eyes again. He wanted answers, and he wanted them quickly, because Dan didn't like being in situations that he couldn't understand and had no control over.

He recoiled further when the cat just casually announced that it wanted to become Dan's _lifelong companion_. This animal was treating that like it was of no great concern, and it left Dan spluttering. A lifelong companion? This cat may as well have just strode into his living room, sat down, and casually announced it was marrying Dan and Dan had no say in the matter.

Dan scowled.

"I don't want a lifelong companion," he grouched sternly, staring directly at the cat's eyes and moving into its line of sight when it tried to look away. The black shape it made against his floor was ridiculously fluffy, and it didn't look threatening at all aside from the humming aura of magic it was exuding everywhere. Dan didn't trust it at all. "I never asked for a familiar. I never wanted one. So I'll ask again, cat - what are you doing here?"

Phil sniffed, admittedly a bit appeased to have Dan sputtering over Phil's brilliance, despite the fact that he was merely sputtering because he had no idea how Phil had managed to bring Dan back the plant. He grinned as his eyes flicked lazily about Dan's garden, and emitted a low purring sound as his tail flicked about happily.

 _Of course it’s real. I am your familiar. I can do anything you wish for, Dan_ , Phil explained, excitement growing as he said Dan's name for the first time. It felt so _right_ on his tongue that he nearly said it again. He was about to roll over and expose his belly happily to Dan when his witch instead grew angry again, moving to force Phil to look straight into his eyes.

Pickling with unease, Phil stopped purring, fur beginning to rise as he tried to look away. Dan was having none of it, though, forcing Phil to keep looking at him by moving to keep their gazes locked. Back arching and tail flicking angrily, Phil stood and hunched into himself, a low growl beginning to pick up in his chest. Why was Dan behaving this way? Did he not understand what he was doing?

His words hurt, on top of everything else, and Phil tried to walk backwards to get away from the pain but ended up crashing straight into a tree.

He yowled, springing back in fear just in time for some kind of fruit to land on his head. He thought he heard the sound of glass shattering once more, and then Dan cursing, and grimaced as he popped out of existence once more with another low cry.

_I told you. I just want to be yours._

Dan yelped when the cat managed to knock into something _again_ , and he could only watch as his prized magnolia tree went crashing down in a graceful arc and knocked into the dragonplant _again_. Dan just barely grabbed for it before the glass container smashed and the cat winked out of the room.

He had too much to process, but the dragonplant came first. Dan leaped up to his feet and ran to his larder, pulling out another glass container and dropping the dragonplant into it before it could wilt and die again. The leaves looked a little pale, but he'd salvaged enough for now to save him having to order in some more.

Letting out a relieved breath, Dan settled himself down in his greenhouse to fix his magnolias and tried to process exactly what had just happened. The cat was still determined to be his familiar, apparently, and moaned at Dan for not knowing anything about this. Well, it wasn't _his_ fault he never bothered listening to or researching a side of magic that Dan had no interest in. The special council of witches designed to teach about famliars were visited by appointment only, and Dan had just...never made the appointment. And nor was he going to. He had absolutely no desire to have some other creature in his life, especially when it went around destroying his greenhouse and ripping his favoured plants to shreds. His treasured magnolia tree was in bits all over the floor now.

Still...the cat had sounded hurt just before it left. Hurt in an almost pathetic way, something that made a hint of guilt tug at Dan's stomach.

Dan sighed heavily. He didn't want anything to do with this, but--

But-- apparently, he _did_ have a familiar who could randomly turn up and infiltrate his thoughts at any time. It couldn't hurt to read up, at least a bit.

Decision made, if begrudgingly, Dan headed back into his shop and climbed the stairs to his small flat. He had a lovely little round room full of books and papers and recipes for new products, and an adjoining bathroom and bedroom that were tucked around the corner. He decorated everything with black and white hangings and rugs, and overall the place was comfortable. More importantly, it was _his_ and his alone.

Dan settled into his desk and pulled out a book he'd never opened before, and started his research on familiars.

Several hours and three cups of coffee later, Dan was a lot more knowledgeable than he had been. Apparently, familiars were beings of incredible power (he almost snorted when remembering how clumsy and hapless the cat had appeared to be) but their main purpose in this world was to bond with their witch. That was all they lived for. Their own world was a strange place adjacent to Dan's own, and they could flick between the two whenever they wished - which might explain why the cat disappeared so quickly.

Each familiar had its own personality and name, meant to line up perfectly with their witch's. They were also able to help their witch with their magic - like how the cat had gone out of it’s way to get Dan the dragonplant.

Dan chewed his lip. That all sounded fine, but then there was… the other stuff. The stuff about lifetime bonds, close relationships, and shared thoughts. Ideally, a familiar was only supposed to communicate with their witch through thoughts shared in their bond. Not speaking aloud, as Dan had been doing.

He didn't like the sound of that at all.

Also, apparently, staring straight at a familiar in their animal form (because apparently they could switch forms as well? Which, why?) was a direct challenge, so Dan should probably avoid that in the future. And he was a little confused, because his books seemed to suggest that a familiar should appear in human form to their witch once they were fully bonded, but the cat had only ever been - well, a cat.

Dan didn't even _like_ cats. Dogs were his favourite. Why had he ended up with a familiar so… unsuited? So clumsy and different to Dan himself?

Dan sighed heavily. He didn't want a familiar - he was much happier going about life his own way, thank you very much. The universe could take its gift back and kindly fuck off.

But at least for now, were the cat to show up again, Dan might have a bit more of an idea what was going on.

Phil was trembling with pain and fear when he appeared back in his own world, and the way his skin prickled with angry magic kept all other familiars from approaching him. It was clear that Phil was beginning to feel rejected, his magic becoming that slight bit more unpredictable, but he thought he had a hold on it for the most part for now. He hadn't been rejected yet; Phil knew everyone would know the second he was. He wouldn't even be able to pop back home if that happened, after all, he would become a menace in the human world until he winked out of existence all together.

Still, Phil was shaking, fur stood on end while he tried to make himself small, breathing unsteady as little whines began to escape him. Down below, he could see Dan clearly; he was disgruntled, agitated, fixing Phil's mess once more. Phil rested his chin on his paws, and stared as he whined. He just wanted Dan to accept him. He hadn't even meant to appear to him that last time, though, had merely been trying to change form.

He thought he understood now why he couldn't become human, though. The bond may have set between them, permanent even once Phil had winked out of existence if he was rejected, but Dan had not accepted him. They were in limbo, and until the moment Dan had decided to pick Phil, he would be unable to change.

Phil now remembered years ago being told that it was to protect the familiar, to keep the familiar from being forced to stay human forever if the witch disliked the familiar’s form. Being accepted as a familiar first meant being accepted in full. That was all that Phil wanted. But Dan seemed to hate him already and it _hurt_. Phil didn't know how to fix it.

As he whimpered and whined, tried to settle enough his magic couldn't go haywire, he watched Dan begin to research, and felt hope fill him. Perhaps things might one day be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @[vanillasolitude](http://vanillasolitude.tumblr.com) who we could not have done this without. Every inch of their commentary and editing was a huge confidence boost, and we can not thank Emily enough for even being willing to do this with us. Seriously, it was a mammoth task and Emily just completely rose to the occasion, so giant thanks from us!
> 
> Updates: Friday
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
> For reference, @insanityplaysfics is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

Dan went about his daily activities as if nothing had changed, doing everything he could to keep his mind occupied to stop stray thoughts of his familiar getting in the way of everything again. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. Nothing ever shook apart Dan's routine, and he had a good amount of customers and enough time to himself and his books and his plants to keep himself perfectly happy, thank you very much.

Only...it was starting to feel like it wasn't quite enough.

More than once over the past few days, Dan had caught himself staring at shadows for a moment too long, trying to discern a fluffy black shape from the darkness. Every time he left the shop, he studied the doorstep for a trace of the figure that had once flickered in and out of sight. He stared around himself whenever something moved in the corner of his eye, on high alert that it might be his familiar again.

Ridiculous. Dan didn't need or want a companion - he was just paranoid because he didn't want that crazy beast destroying his shop again.

Only...the dragonplant was thriving. It had sprouted little shoots that Dan had cultivated, and he now had a little farm growing away in a corner of his greenhouse that he had his familiar to thank for. He'd never been so successful with his own raw dragonplant before. As such, his remedies were much faster to make and worked much more effectively.

He was just waving Mrs Pritchard out of the door, all ready to close up shop for the night, when it happened.

See, Dan wasn't exactly known for being the hardest worker around. He made good potions, but he was lazy, and if he could cut a corner then he usually would. Unfortunately, this ethic also applied to his greenhouse. The violet knotswood wasn't poisonous _exactly_ , but it's leaves were slippery and, when squeezed, oozed a yellow liquid that could burn skin. It should be kept under protection, but Dan allowed it free reign, adamant that it grew better with more space.

Usually, you were supposed to keep dock leaves on hand to remedy the burning violet knotswood liquid, but - well. Dan had been a bit remiss, and allowed his supply to run out.

He was tired when he headed back to his greenhouse. PJ had caught a cold, so Dan was having to deal with the shop alone, which required a lot more human interaction than he usually enjoyed. As such, his eyelids felt heavy, and all he really wanted was to curl up in bed with a good book and a mug of hot chocolate.

So he could be forgiven for dropping the violet knotswood. And then standing on its leaves.

His weight crushed the burning liquid out of them, and he jumped up with a yelp, the liquid already completely corroding the sole of his shoe (his best shoes, too, how irritating) and making a start on burning his skin. Dan yowled, hopping, and went instantly for the dock leaves.

Only his supply was out.

 _Dammit_. Breathless with pain, and going slightly dizzy, Dan hopped to the wall and fell against it, knocking over a shelf on the way, and desperately tried to shake his foot clean. Too late, though - the liquid was touching his foot, burning through his heel up towards his ankle, the skin blistering a nasty red.

Dan panicked. In the midst of his pain and confusion, he found himself lowering the carefully-placed barriers around his mind and instead screaming out into the void.

_Familiar! If you are supposed to be helping me, now would be a really great time. I need you! Help!_

**

The other familiars were hounding him. They wouldn't leave Phil alone. It had been days in the human world since Phil had attempted to contact his witch, and the other familiars were angry with him for it. They told him he had to keep trying or things wouldn't change, but Phil didn't know what to try next. His witch had seemed to forget all about Phil already, going about his daily life with nary another glance at his books.

Miserable as he was, Phil was terrified. It was clear that Dan never wanted to see him again, so what was the point in trying? At the same time, Phil knew all too well that things would only get worse if he didn't do something.

Only he felt useless. What good could he do for Dan when so far, he'd accomplished nothing but to distract and destroy?

Still, Phil spent all of his time watching Dan. Just like before he'd found his witch, Phil had nothing better to do than to watch the human world from his own, merely able to close his eyes and flicker through the mind's eye of different animals and creatures, but also able to focus in on any one thing in order to see. Now that Phil had found Dan, he'd been much more focused on the things his witch was doing, as it was far more interesting to him to watch Dan.

Everything about Dan soothed Phil. Just seeing him, feeling the bond between them that would have existed in a similar way for Phil even before he'd bonded with Dan properly, made him feel calm in a way nothing else could. It made him content. He was purring even now, with his head on his paws, as he merely focused on the world around Dan. There was nothing that made a familiar stuck in their own world more content than watching their witch, though Phil used to grow bored before he’d found Dan.

Now, though, he could see how exhausted his witch was, and he wished he felt free enough to go down there and help his witch, to put him at ease and take over his work for him, but he knew he couldn't. He would only be making things worse for Dan, and it upset him to think about it as he watched Dan go into his greenhouse for one reason or another, looking dead on his feet. Phil was almost waiting for something terrible to happen, body unsettled and fur standing on end (maybe it was the clumsy way Dan maneuvered his greenhouse, or the violet knotswood he could see practically slithering all over the ground, but he knew something bad was going to happen), and then it did.

Where Dan should have been more careful about where he set his feet, he stepped on his violet knotswood, and Phil watched on in horror as it began to burn through his shoe and then through to his skin. Prickling with a need to go and _help,_ Phil could only watch as panic set into his heart instead. He stood up with a devastated whine, but held himself back, waiting, _knowing_ , that Dan would want to help himself.

Only Dan wasn't helping himself. He was panicking as his skin burned a blistered red from the yellow liquid of the violet knotswood, and he looked like he was about to cry. And then his voice came through strong and overwhelmingly terrified in Phil's mind.

Hearing Dan speak into his mind would have made him happy in any other situation - as it was now, all Phil could think about was the pleading way that had Dan said he needed Phil, and Phil winked into existence in a second, rubbing his fur against Dan's foot and watching as his own swirling magic did the trick and healed the burning skin in an instant. For a second, Phil felt Dan's pain sear through him, felt his heart rate increase as he realised just how bad it had been, and then it was gone.

And Phil was left purring as he arched his body into Dan's leg, head resting against the calf of Dan's other leg.

 _I'll always come if you need me_ , he promised, and even he could hear that his voice was hurt, _but not if you don't want me_.

As quickly as it had started, the pain that was burning and itching its way up Dan's leg was gone. He was left gaping, staring down in shock. His ankle was back to normal, his heel the same skin colour it always appeared with absolutely no sign of the blistering red that had been stinging up it mere seconds earlier.

 _Seconds_. It had been healed in _seconds_.

Dan prided himself as a healer, a potion-maker, spent most of his days mixing together remedies and cures for the ailments of his customers, but he had _never ever_ seen something heal so fast.

"How...?" he muttered, breathless, and then slid down the wall so fast he almost crushed the black purring thing that had appeared at his feet.

Dan stared in astonishment at the cat that had, indeed, appeared just when he called for it. Dan hadn't even _meant_ to - in the midst of his panic, his subconscious had done its own thing and reached for a bond that Dan was still doing his absolute best to ignore.

And the cat had come.

Admittedly, the cat was sounding hurt and looking away, so clearly things weren't okay with it. Did it even like Dan? Or did it just not really know what it was doing?

Or...or it thought Dan didn't want it.

Well, it was right. Dan was perfectly fine on his own. Still, that magic - that magic had healed him _so fast_. Dan's curiosity was rising inside him, itching to understand exactly what was going on.

Suddenly, Dan remembered how he'd read that familiars didn't like being stared at directly, so he quickly shifted his gaze away and stared instead at a spot on the floor next to the cat's slowly swishing tail. He spoke aloud again, unwilling to use that strange bond between them, and hoped the cat wouldn't be too offended to explain exactly what it had done.

"Thanks," Dan mumbled, still in awe about his foot. "But - um - how did - how did you _do_ that?" After all, Dan had read that familiars had powerful magic, but still, he'd never thought it could do something like _this_. His potions would have taken days to heal that much blistering, even if he'd had dock leaves to hand - but the cat had just rubbed against him (with admittedly nice fur) and then he was completely healed.

It was incredible, and a little scary.

Phil hardly moved out of the way as Dan slid down the wall and into a sitting position, far too comfortable and happy to be touching his witch at long last to bother going far enough that his body wasn't still pressed into Dan's warm heat. He didn't stop purring either, and it was entirely against his own will at this point. He was just _content_ for the first time in days.

Phil had rarely gotten to experience contentment in his life, not when he'd spent years and years trying to locate his witch, but now he felt good enough to slump over so he was facing away from Dan with his back pressed to Dan's legs. His tail flicked about behind him casually, comfortably, and he pressed his chin down against his paws, resting there with ears flicking to catch Dan's words. His eyes flicked side ways, took in the way Dan was peering at him in confused awe before his gaze flicked defiantly away. Phil's fur prickled, his chest ached, and he lowered his own gaze.

His witch couldn't even look at him, and that hurt more than Phil could ever say.

 _Familiars are in tune with their witch. Their magic is connected, but far more powerful, bending the rules of reality for their witch and their witch only. I can heal you because I am connected to you, and because you are a healer my magic is attuned to that. Not every familiar can heal their witch the way I healed you, but that is your skill in life, so it is mine as well. There's nothing more to it than that,_ Phil explained, eyes closing almost entirely, so that Dan might feel more comfortable looking at him again. It agitated Phil more than he could say to have Dan avoiding his form entirely.

Dan couldn't help the little shudder that rippled through him at the thought of that _connection_ his familiar spoke of so casually. If they truly were connected enough for the cat to be able to heal him so _fast_ , then just how much else of Dan did it have access to? Could it read his every thought, his every emotion? Did it know his life story? Could it seep itself into his mind somehow?

Worried, and maybe a little paranoid, Dan checked his shields again and strengthened them as much as he could, doing his best to block the familiar out.

The cat could still talk to him, though. Dan wanted to hate it, but - but it wasn't entirely terrible. In fact, something deep within Dan gave a little tug every time the deep velvet voice of his familiar curled into his mind, speaking directly to his soul in a way that made Dan burn with the desire to lean closer, to discover more about this cat and their strange new bond. It just felt... _right_.

The other part of Dan wanted to recoil away from anything as intimate as that, though.

"Oh," he said gruffly, still staring at the patch of carpet beside the cat's tail. He didn't want to offend it any further by accidentally challenging it. "Thanks. I guess." He'd always be polite, no matter the situation. "So - so we're _connected_ , according to you." Dan's voice caught a little on the word. The cat was leaning against his legs, and it's fluffy fur was soft and warm and _enticing_. It made Dan want to reach forward and curl his fingers through it.

Not when he wasn't entirely sure the animal wouldn't snap his fingers off, though.

"I thought familiars were supposed to turn human around their witch," Dan muttered. "According to my book, anyway. Are you - are you _sure_ you didn't make a mistake?" Dan's tone was almost pleading. "I mean - maybe there's a witch out there who desperately wants you. Wouldn't you - wouldn't you prefer that?"

Dan was still refusing to look at Phil. His gaze was turned away and he'd given up speaking into Phil's mind entirely after his first attempt in the middle of his blind panic. What made everything feel a thousand times worse to Phil’s mind, however, was feeling Dan very abruptly seal his mind away even more warily than before. Phil winced, nearly got up, but stayed put because Dan had yet to move him and Phil refused to give up the comfort of his witch.

His tail flicked a little more agitatedly, and he pressed further into himself, though, because he couldn't help the physical reactions or the physical pain radiating through him to be so harshly rejected.

 _Not rejected_ , he had to remind himself. _Not just yet_.

Still, deep down Phil knew that Dan didn't want him, and he had to hold back his grumbling whines.

 _Not according to me,_ he replied defiantly. _We just are. We are connected._ His skin prickled as he turned his gaze to look just over Dan's shoulder, irritated when Dan didn't even glance at him again, staring just past his tail and curled into himself as if Phil disgusted him entirely.

He flinched back at the insinuation that he'd bonded with the wrong person, the thought that Phil might be happier somewhere else, and really did stand this time, turning entirely to lock piercing blue eyes with Dan's brown.

His tail flicked angrily.

 _You dare to question me? I_ am _your familiar. I only have one chance at this, one witch who I am meant for whether they want me or not. Do you not think that I made_ sure _before I approached you? And even if I did make a mistake, which I promise you I have_ not, _then it would be too late for me and I would leave you be to wither away and live on my own. You are my witch, Daniel Howell, make no mistake of that. I cannot change form not because I've made a mistake, but because you have neither accepted nor rejected me._

Phil could feel his chest heaving, the pain and fear rushing through him as he spoke. _Decide as you will. But make your decision wisely, for once I'm gone, there is no way to bring me back_.

And with that, voice wobbly and filled with pain, Phil winked out of Dan's world once more and into his own.

He shut himself off, then, curled into his own body as his mind whirled and he cried silently to himself. He didn't watch Dan. The very thought of that hurt too much just then.

Dan flinched back automatically when the cat looked straight at him. That look was _piercing_. The cat had startlingly blue eyes that seemed almost out of place in its black furry face, and there was no doubt left at all that the creature wasn’t just a mere animal. Those eyes burned with power and strength greater than Dan had ever sensed before. He was almost a little bit...afraid.

Once the cat had gone, Dan was left trembling and with a sense of deep regret. From the cat's words, it was clear that there was still a lot about this situation that Dan just didn't know. He'd had no idea that he had to actively accept or reject a familiar - he'd assumed that once the bond had happened, it just kind of...existed, and there was nothing he could do about it.

At least he had a way out.

Dan was reluctant to use it, though. The thought of rejecting his familiar seemed almost - disgusting. He recoiled from the thought of it with something deep and innate within him; something that wanted to know the familiar more. To figure out the meaning behind those blue eyes, to get into the head of this animal that had somehow turned up and tipped Dan's life upside down.

Dan shook his head. Before he did anything, he had to get his own head around this situation.

Carefully, Dan set about clearing away his greenhouse for the night, making sure to sweep up the violet knotswood from the floor and placing a charm around it to warn any other unfortunate people who might happen across it. He then escaped up to his room for the night, desperately trying to keep his mind off furry black shapes and sharp blue eyes.

**

The next morning, Dan was opening up the shop and deliberately doing his best to avoid answering questions. Thankfully, PJ was back, which meant Dan could spend the day tucked away in his greenhouse and leave PJ to all the interacting with customers.

He was busy picking cuttings for a new recipe for headaches when PJ appeared, holding out some lunch.

"Careful," Dan said absentmindedly, "There's knotswood on the floor."

PJ yelped, instantly jumping up and eyeing the ground warily. "How did you manage that?!"

"I was tired," Dan answered wryly.

"Do you even have dock leaves in here?" PJ glanced around warily as he placed the lunch down on Dan's orderly mess of a desk. "I don't see any."

"Yes, well, working on that," Dan muttered.

PJ shook his head. "You're lucky you didn't stand in it."

Dan bit his lip. He didn't _feel_ very lucky. His foot didn't even have a mark of the blistering - whatever the cat had done to heal him had worked well.

"You've got a new customer," PJ informed him then. "Wants a remedy for constant tiredness. Oh, and we're out of chestnut mushrooms, but I can send my familiar for some more if you want."

Dan almost jumped. Only his iron self-control kept him in control and in his seat, but his voice still shook a little as he asked, "Your familiar?"

"...Yeah?" PJ quirked a brow. "She's sitting on the counter. Couldn't be bothered to come through here with me."

Dan blinked. Of course, he'd known PJ had a familiar - a raven. But Dan tried to ignore that fact most days.

"So what's that like?" Dan heard himself asking before he'd even realised what he said.

PJ looked startled. "What? Having a familiar?"

Dan nodded.

"Um - well, it's. Um. Don't you know?" PJ shook his head. "I mean - I know you'd never introduced me to yours, but I thought - maybe you kept it private. Or something. I didn't think you didn't _have_ one."

Dan's lips thinned.

Apparently sensing danger, PJ rushed on, "Not that it's too late! Sometimes familiars take a while. I know mine was cautious enough about approaching me - they have to worry about getting the wrong witch."

"What if the witch doesn't want them?" Dan grunted, just about managing to keep his voice level.

PJ visibly blanched. "Well, that's - I mean, we just don't talk about that. Rejected familiars. Nobody wants one in their neighbourhood. My cousin once..." PJ cut himself off, shuddering. "Well. We never talk about it."

A cold chill ran down Dan's spine.

PJ clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Dan. You're a talented witch, I'm sure your familiar will be extra powerful once they show up. Try calling out to them when you're relaxed - in a bath, or just before you sleep, that's good. They're more likely to hear that way."

Dan kept himself from shuddering. Just barely.

PJ gave him another sympathetic look before turning to leave again. Dan stared after him, more confused than he had been before. If rejecting a familiar would be _so bad_ , then why did Dan not want his? Was there something wrong with him? Was that why he had an angry, clumsy familiar who didn't seem to want to stick around at all?

Was this yet another thing in Dan's life that was going to go completely wrong?

Heaving a heavy sigh, Dan set down his recipe and went to go and put together a new remedy for tiredness, for the new customer. As he went, the shelf full of dragonplant caught his eye. It was thriving. He had a whole corner of his greenhouse dedicated to it by now, and they were the most perfect, delicate petals he had ever seen.

Dan shook his head. He didn't know what to think anymore. But maybe - maybe he should be trying a little harder. If he even knew _how_.

Nothing about this felt natural, the way it was apparently supposed to. So Dan did his best to put his familiar out of his mind as he went about his daily business.

**

It seemed the others were getting tired of Phil's antics as, three days into his sulking, an older familiar who'd found their witch but had refused to bond with them approached him.

Phil knew his story. His name was Mikel, and he’d chosen to approach his witch with caution after years, and years of looking for them, watching his every movement for months after finding him, and learning all about him until, one day, he overheard his witch saying he never wanted his familiar to come to him… so he never went. Instead, he watched over his witch from their world, promising all who asked that he would not go to his witch unless it was to save him.

He wasn’t willing to risk rejection before he could do at least one thing for his witch, and if that meant giving up his life to save his witch’s instead, he would gladly do it, but he would not end his life prematurely until he’d seen his witch’s through, even if it did hurt, and the desire for a bond did tug at his heart.

He was somewhat of a father figure over the rest of the familiars in their world now, and while he was kind, he was terrifying in his own right, easily brought to anger when another was hurting what he considered his family.

So it was no surprise that Phil shook as the other familiar approached, glaring at Phil for causing the other familiars distress from his own sulking. Phil could feel the power crackling off of him, and his fur stood on end as he got clumsily to his feet, backing up and hunching into himself until the great, prowling tiger was stood over him. The shadow he cast was long and overpowering, his magic the most fearsome of all the familiars who still remained in their world, and it sparked fear through Phil's heart. His ears pulled back, and he whined on such a low level that only the other felines of his kind could actually hear him.

 _Mikel_ -

_Hush, Philip. Why are you not with your witch?_

Phil shuddered as the powerful words rushed over him. _I've chosen to give him spac_ -

 _Space?_ Mikel growled. _What space?_

 _He does not want a familiar, Mikel. He doesn’t even know what one_ is _. I… I’m just giving him time -_

 _You have bonded now, Philip,_ Mikel disagreed, slowly shaking a disappointed and angry head at him. _There is no time for that space now. You never should have bonded with him._

Phil’s heart ached, and he wilted further into himself, falling to the floor in a heap as he stared up at an angry and tired looking Mikel. There was something in his eyes that worried Phil.

 _I just didn’t want to be alone anymore_ , Phil begged, staring up at the familiar he’d always admired. _I couldn’t do it anymore._

 _I know, Philip. But you’ve bonded, and now the situation is far worse than you are aware. Whether you regret this decision or not means naught now. You’ve already made it, and now you must face the consequences. You can’t stay here - you are hurting the others, and you are hurting yourself. The longer you stay, the more the others suffer, and the more_ you _will suffer. You cannot exist away from your witch anymore. Go to him. You belong with him now. Demand his acceptance or his rejection, you need to convince him one way or another, but this must end now. I will do all I can to help you._

Mikel’s expression turned to one of pain for one brief moment, and then Phil was crying out as magic and spittle rained down on him, Mikel roaring loudly and throwing his head back as he reached out with long claws and swiped at Phil. He cut through the soft fur of Phil’s belly, and Phil yowled as the pain seemed to hit him all at once - the physical and the magical.

Phil rolled and flipped as his body suddenly began to feel as though it had caught on fire, and he tried to regain his footing even as he began to feel light headed and woozy from the blood pouring from his body.

 _Go, Philip! This is for your own good. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you, but all will make sense in time_ , Mikel promised him, and his voice no longer sounded pained. It held a power and confidence that Phil could not question as Phil winked out of existence, still yowling, and popped into his witch’s world instead.

His claws fought at nothing as he went, and he was blind as he fell. He could hear it as his body careened into something that was undoubtedly precious and expensive once more, and he felt the terror that Dan would only hate him more wash over him. He didn’t have time for that, though. Instead, he focused on falling on his feet, missing as he landed on his side with a loud crunch, and he rolled with blinded, burning eyes, as he tried to put out what felt like a fire against his skin, his stomach bleeding heavily and burning nearly as bad as his back and head. He wanted to reach out to his witch's mind, but he couldn't even think straight enough to speak to him, was unsure if he'd even managed to appear to his witch at all, and instead attempted to scramble back and to safety until he could get himself back under control.

Only there seemed to be nowhere to go as Phil's body rolled and kicked. He could feel himself ramming into something, seemingly trapped, and it wasn't until a cautious hand reached out and touched him that he went still.

 _Help me, please_ , he whispered against Dan's shields.

The crash was what woke Dan.

Dan blinked blearily, lifting his head up, feeling the crick in his neck and the ache in his spine as he straightened. Apparently, he'd fallen asleep at his desk again. The imprint of parchment from the newest recipe he'd been working on was stuck to his cheek, and there were several assorted leaves and petals and other ingredients dotted about his desk. He sighed heavily. That would all need to be sorted before he could safely go to bed - unless he just locked up and left it for the morning. Or, well. Later, seeing as it was the early hours already.

Another crash startled Dan then, accompanied by a strange sort of whimpering that tugged at Dan's heart. There was the sound of something falling, and as Dan looked up, he could see the cabinet in the corner filled with vials of prepared potions starting to shake. It rattled precariously, and he realized belatedly that the whimpering was coming from _behind_ it.

Without thinking, Dan got stiffly to his feet and stumbled over to it, trying to get his brain into gear. The cabinet was shaking harder now, and the little whining whimpers were sounding heartbreakingly from somewhere behind it, trapped in between the gap between it and the wall. The cabinet was tall and heavy, and Dan couldn't peek over the top of it, so he got a rough grip around its edges and started to shuffle it out of the way.

As soon as he had it settled with enough space for him to squeeze through, Dan conjured up a light in the palm of his hand and shone it into the space before him.

A very familiar black fluffy shape lay whimpering at his feet.

Dan blanched. He almost wanted to step back, but PJ's words from earlier echoed in his skull - the shudder when he thought about rejected familiars - and Dan hadn't really tried very hard yet to understand the cat. As if hearing his thoughts (which it probably could, despite Dan's many shields), the cat whimpered louder, sounding pathetic and confused and in pain.

And… there was something different about it this time.

The cat was writhing on the ground, it's fur sticky with something that Dan couldn't see. It whined and whimpered in a way that caught at his heart, tugging on his instincts as a healer to help those in need.

He couldn't just leave it.

Swallowing down his nerves and fear, Dan cautiously set his light charm hovering in the air above them, and then moved to sit next to the cat. In contrast to the last few times it had appeared, it barely seemed aware of his presence. It's startling blue eyes were closed, it's hackles raised, and the black fur that had seemed so fluffy was slick with sweat and - was that blood?

Heart tearing just a little, Dan reached out a hand and lay it cautiously on the cat's side.

Instantly, something tugged deep within Dan to say _this is right_. A heavy swirl of contentment flooded through him, accompanied by a strong sense that this was how things should be. He almost withdrew his hand. The sudden feeling was overwhelming, and it flooded his brain in a demanding way that Dan instantly wanted to reject.

Just then, another little whimper sounded, but this time quiet and pleading and downright _sad_ , right into his head. The cat wanted his help. The cat _needed_ his help.

"Where are you hurt?" Dan whispered, his reply again seeming innately _right_. He couldn't abandon the cat. Not like this. Not when it had come to him in pain and seeking help, nothing like its usual demands that Dan had to accept without explanation.

"I don't - I don't know how to help you," Dan admitted apologetically. His fingers swiped gently through the black fur, curling into it and tugging through the damp strands, and the cat went slowly limp under his touch. It was panting and hot and he could feel its little heart racing far too fast under his palm. Dan swallowed. This was tearing at him, but he didn't know how to help.

...Unless...

Tentatively, Dan lowered the many shields he'd cast up to protect his mind. If the cat could get into his thoughts, then that had to go both ways. The cat had healed him once before - surely Dan could do the same in return? He couldn't be so pathetic to fail even at that. Surely.

Once the shields were down, Dan reached out with a tentative nudge to the bond he felt whispering away at the back of his skull. In answer, the cat twitched under his fingers. Dan swallowed his nerves and instead pushed on, until finally, finally, he could feel everything the cat was feeling.

Pain. And burning. And three large cuts on its - _his_ \- belly. His, because Dan could see now that the cat was a he, and a familiar, and it's mind was full of strange magic the power of which Dan had never seen before. He was almost afraid of the glimpses into another world he saw there, and flinched back automatically at the knowledge that this familiar could do so much _damage_ if it wanted to.

But now, it needed his help.

 _I'm sorry this is happening_ , Dan murmured into the cat's mind, recognising that he'd been injured because of Dan's reluctance to accept the situation. Guilt crashed over him, then. He'd been ruining this familiar's purpose without even realising it. _I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing. I can help you now_.

Carefully, Dan got back to his feet and scooped the cat up into his arms, it's weight warm and reassuring against him. He swallowed, still trying to adjust to the new bond. He really didn't like the way his thoughts were forced open, how he was having to share his innermost secrets with something else. He didn't have a choice for right now, though. Just heal the cat and then the shields could go back up.

Dan carried the cat carefully to his desk, laying him down, and then picked up a little vial from the cabinet. Murmuring a spell, he counted three droplets from the vial onto the cat's belly, watching as the wounds knitted together and the bleeding stopped. With his other hand, he scratched at the cat's ear, trying to keep it calm against the sting and pain he could still feel echoing through their bond.

The sensation of strong, firm fingers, the fingers of his _witch_ , tugging and petting through Phil’s fur, cool against his skin in contrast to the burning running through him, made Phil shudder, but this time, it wasn't in pain. It was the greatest pleasure he'd ever experienced, and he truly never wanted it to end. Dan's fingers were like magic against him, and already, he was beginning to feel that tiny bit better, just from the knowledge that his witch was finally touching him, finally not reluctant to be near Phil.

His words were so soft and concerned that Phil almost couldn't hear them, but his lack of focus kept him from being able to answer either way as he began to go limp under Dan's touch. His body jolted and spasmed against his will, paws reaching out and begging for relief, but Dan's voice was there, and his touch was comforting. Phil wanted to open his eyes, wanting to speak to him, wanted to _see_ , but everything hurt so much, and a part of him was terrified he was going blind.

Only he knew what Mikel had done, and he merely needed Dan to make a decision now. It didn't matter if Dan accepted or rejected him yet, not with the spell Mikel had cast, but the pain would linger longer than it had to if Dan didn’t just _try_ , and Phil would be left to suffer in agony while he waited to see if his witch was even worth fighting for. The spell was an old spell cast on familiars like Phil who’d bonded too early and whose witches hadn’t quite rejected them, but hadn’t accepted them either. Stuck at a stand still, the spell was meant to force the two to interact and try and see how they could be good for each other, while forcing the familiar to at least be rejected early on if that’s what was meant for it, so it wouldn’t have to live a life of purgatory for who knew how long. It was mean to force the familiar and the witch to at least _try_.

And force them it did, though Dan could still reject Phil at any time before he accepted him. For now, they were just being forced to interact. Phil couldn’t hide from Dan when he _needed_ him, and Dan was being given the chance to see how open, willing, and trusting Phil would always be for him. There was a sense of mutual respect and love in this moment of vulnerability that Phil could understand.

For Phil, though, the pain of the spell was meant to emulate the pain that would come from hiding from his witch for too long, and it shook Phil to the core. Anything was better than living in purgatory, and while the pain of rejection would be _worse_ , at least that would eventually end. This, this would not, unless he and Dan at least _tried_.

Part of Phil was angry at Mikel for swiping at him, for clawing him, but part of him also understood that unless Mikel had done that, Dan never would have believed that Phil was hurt. The physical wound was for Dan, while the magical pain… was for Phil.

Spasming once again as Dan's fingers trailed through his fur looking for the wounds, Phil cried out with another small whimper and begged with all his might for Dan to just _help him_. Thoughts turning completely away from the purpose of the spell, Phil could only beg for help, could only beg for it to be over, uncaring what happened to him if it would all just _stop_.

Then it happened. Phil gasped, eyes popping wide open as Dan's soul nudged his - so gently, it was almost like it had never happened at all. But then the nudge grew in strength until Phil could see right into Dan's mind. Distracted by his own pain, Phil could only see glimpses here and there, could hardly make out Dan's thoughts other than his own fear, but he could _fee_ / him, and was that Dan talking to him? Phil could practically cry with joy as their minds touched, and he wished to reply, but he couldn't.

He could feel Dan's guilt, could sense that Dan had seen what had happened, and blamed himself. He wanted to reach out and reassure, wanted to nudge Dan back, but for all the power and magic he controlled, he had no strength. He was completely at the mercy of Dan as his witch picked him up, cradling Phil in his arms for the very first time, and carried him to his work station. Phil would have purred had he the strength, but all he could feel was _pain_ regardless of how it was settling some just at the touch of his witch.

Closing his eyes as he was placed gently down again, Phil merely laid there and let Dan take care of him, hoping the trust he felt would somehow get through to Dan and show him, prove to him, that Phil could be good for him. That Phil needed him, wanted him, was desperate to be the perfect companion.

It felt like it took forever, but no time at all at the same time, before Dan was healing his wounds and moving to scratch behind Phil's ears. Phil purred, but the sound was hiccupped and distracted as he tried to muddle through the pain enough to react to Dan. He stretched with his paws, grimaced and whined as Dan's gentle voice berated him in his mind, and couldn't help when his tail flicked happily at the way Dan's voice curled around his thoughts, warm and soft like the best blanket in the world, better even than Phil's "family’s" fur nuzzling gently against his.

 _Not your fault_ , he managed to whisper, chest heaving as the pain burned through him slower but almost worse, coming in waves and surges that told him the spell was nearly over.

A crease appeared in Dan's brow. It _was_ his fault. He'd seen that enough in the flickering pain of the cat's mind - that it was thanks to him that the cat - _Phil_ , the cat had a name, Dan had seen it - that _Phil_ had been injured like this. Dan didn't fully understand all the images he was shown, but he could tell enough that something had attacked Phil because he hadn't been able to get close enough to Dan yet.

And who was the one constantly pushing him away? Dan.

Dan almost wanted to growl. He didn't know what to _do_. He'd never wanted a familiar, always assumed there wouldn't be one for him seeing as it hadn't shown up yet in his twenty-four years of life, so he'd allowed himself to forget the rules and culture surrounding meeting them. He didn't _want_ something to have access to his brain. So he didn't know what he was supposed to have done when Phil showed up completely out of the blue, sitting on his doorstep with no apparent intention of leaving.

This time, though - this time it was like Dan couldn't get away. He was completely drawn to the cat, to _Phil_ , fingers constantly tugging through black fur even once the potion had started to heal him, the bond between them well and truly open. Dan found he had no desire to put his shields back up, despite recoiling in fear and worry that his thoughts were completely open and out there. All he truly cared about in that moment was Phil, and being near Phil, and understanding this cat that called himself Dan's familiar.

As the cat twitched and whined on the desk, apparently starting to relax, Dan kept his fingers scratching at his ear, running gently through the soft black fur. The cat was warm and trembling, but having him close felt so _right_. Something in Dan's heart was singing.

And Phil's _mind_. There was so much in Phil's mind - so much power and magic and glimpses of another world that Dan couldn't have imagined in his wildest dreams. Others of Phil's kind, waiting in masses of fur and floating in balls of conjured water, often smaller or bigger than their forms would have normally dictated but still _there_ , reflecting forms Dan’s wasn’t sure how they chose, as they peered at Dan's world through strangely coloured eyes, watching and waiting for the right time to find their witch. Dan flinched at the way they had treated Phil, at the sympathy they felt for his situation, not quite rejected by his witch but not accepted either.

Dan had done that. That was all Dan's fault.

With guilt stirring in him, Dan stepped back, and this time found that he _could_. Whatever strange strength had been keeping him so close to Phil, entangled with the cat he still wasn't sure he wanted to see, was fading, and Dan was able to slowly release himself from the grip of desire. He shook his head a couple of times, trying to process all he'd just seen. There was _so much_ in Phil's mind.

Dan kept his shields lowered, couldn't seem to find the way to put them up again yet, but he had retreated from Phil's mind until only the faintest whisper of their bond filled his head. He could still sense Phil, feel him like a close companion, but it wasn't quite so overwhelming this way. The faint bond still made Dan's skin itch uncomfortably, but it wasn't making him want to run and hide.

He watched the cat splayed out on his desk, hovering over him. Phil looked better - he wasn't whimpering or whining anymore, but he was kind of just...flopped. Maybe recovering, or exhausted, Dan was too afraid to enter his mind again to check. His fur was still sticky with blood, but the wound itself had healed.

With slightly trembling fingers, Dan reached out and hesitantly laid his palm against Phil's belly. Somehow, feeling the rise-and-fall of his breathing calmed Dan, and he was able to relax enough to whisper another sentence directly into Phil's mind, still keeping his distance. _Is that better now? Do you need me to wash you?_

Phil's breathing was heavy, but he could feel the pain properly fading now, the presence of Dan so tightly pressed against their bond slowly fading away with the pain until all that was left was the purring presence of a bond open and willing. Dan's shields were gone even if he was retreating, but Phil didn't mind, because that spoke of something akin to acceptance. A willingness to try, if nothing else. The thought of that warmed Phil, and he finally relaxed completely as the burn of the spell dissipated only to be replaced with the dull throb of the now healing cuts on his stomach.

He could still feel the sting of the medicine Dan had poured on him, but he didn't mind it as his mind finally cleared. Still, Phil was exhausted, unable to even try and take advantage of the open and willing bond between them just then, breathing evening out until he was even able to start up a steady purr. He liked the way Dan had cared for him, the way he'd touched him, and taken a look into Phil's mind. The comfort of Dan wrapped around Phil's soul was still a low, perfect thrum, even after Dan had retreated some.

He never wanted that to end. Not completely. He ached for Dan to accept him.

But if nothing else had gotten through, one thing had; Phil hadn't bothered to tell Dan anything. He truly hadn't done anything to help things work between them. Mikel had been right in forcing that spell on Phil, and Dan's mind had been just open enough for Phil to see his witch’s fear, to see his frustration that Phil had waltzed into his life without any explanation.

He startled when Dan's palm came down softly against his stomach, having not realized when Dan stopped touching him, but immediately relaxed again. He trusted Dan. He had to trust Dan. And he was too damn tired to even attempt to move.

 _Much better_ , Phil agreed, eyes still closed as he tried to process Dan's offer. He wanted so badly to accept, but there was a part of him that feared taking advantage of all they'd accomplished that night. _You don't have to. When I recover, I can... clean myself,_ he said, the words far more of an effort than he'd expected them to be. He slumped into himself further, letting the purr peter out, and sighed in exhaustion as all that had happened that night caught up with him.

The pain was gone, and Phil had Dan, if only even for just a moment.

Dan bit his lip, still unsure. The cat _said_ it could clean itself, and Dan wanted to believe it, but at the same time...Dan would never let one of his own patients go to bed filthy and soaked with blood and sweat and who knew what else. As much as he was still uncertain about all of this, and didn't really want to touch the cat again, Dan already felt guilty enough.

A patient, then. Dan would treat this cat like any other patient, and that meant the cat was getting care.

Carefully, Dan reached back out, pausing momentarily to decide if it would probably be better to give some warning before he dove straight in and accidentally offended him again. _I'm going to pick you up_ , Dan explained hesitantly into their still-open bond, _And put you on a bed. Um. Tell me if anything isn't okay_. The cat seemed exhausted, though, and mostly asleep, so Dan tentatively wrapped his arms back around him and lifted the cat against his chest.

The warmth was kind of nice, he had to admit.

Dan carried the cat back out of his office and through his shop, cradled him softly in his arms. There was an area behind the counter, next to Dan's office, where he left out beds and supplies in case of any patients too sick to go home. He laid Phil carefully down on one of the beds, building up a nest of blankets around him that Phil could arrange to his desire once he had the strength again.

 _Don't move_ , Dan muttered into their bond, tone businesslike. A patient. That's all the cat was. A patient. _I'm going to wash you and give you a little painkiller. Then you can rest, if you want to stay. Here. Stay here with me, I mean_. He shook his head, turning roughly away to fetch a basin of water, a damp cloth, and one of his potions.

When he returned to the cat's side, Dan checked it was okay before gently and carefully dipping the cloth into the water (warmed by magic) and slowly dragging it across Phil's fur.

He knew, as anyone did, that cats weren't fond of water, but Dan didn't like the way the dried blood was clumping up Phil's fur and matting it. Better to sort that out now, surely? As he worked, Dan ran his fingers through the tangles to straighten them out, moving as softly as he could. He had to admit, he kind of _liked_ touching Phil. The cat was just so warm, his fur soft and pleasant under Dan's fingers.

When the blood was mostly washed away, Dan placed the basin aside and instead leaned over Phil, gently stroking behind his ears again. He'd seemed to have enjoyed that earlier, with all the purring. _I need you to open your mouth_ , Dan explained, holding out the vial to show Phil and avoiding looking directly at him again, not wanting to challenge him. _This is just a painkiller. It might help you sleep_.

Phil quickly decided that his favourite feeling in the entire world was being cradled to Dan's chest. Even in his half-asleep state he could register how amazing a sensation that was, enjoyed the way he could hear Dan's heartbeat, practically feel it where Phil was pressed to his chest, and loved how Dan held him so gently, as if Phil were something precious rather than the disgusting mass of fur he'd seemed to think of Phil in the past. He wanted them to always be like this, with Dan taking care of Phil when he was hurt or sick or he'd overdone his magic... Phil's thoughts trailed away lightly as he began to doze, enough that he was resting but his mind was aware enough to take in what was happening around him.

He couldn't get ahead of himself, not now especially as Dan's tone and movements turned gruff and businesslike. Filled with hope as he was, Phil tried to push pained thoughts away, not wanting to read too far into Dan's gruff attitude, reassured by the gentle, soft way he touched Phil, and promised him that he could stay here if he wanted for the night. It made Phil smile, and his eyes flickered, but he was too tired to answer.

The first touch of warm water was soothing, Dan's fingers calm and sure as he brushed through matted fur, relaxing Phil in a way he'd never felt with others of his kind.

He almost wanted to press forward, reach into Dan's mind, understand what he was feeling and thinking just then, but Phil also didn't want to push or pry when Dan was already being so open with him, communicating with Phil the way Phil needed, wanted, desired him too. It didn't help that he was half snoozing away, didn't help that he didn't want to interrupt this soft, vulnerable moment with thoughtless words or bumbling movements.

So he stayed quiet and still, just resting, letting his mind drift as it became less and less focused.

He purred as Dan scratched behind his ears again, and obediently opened his mouth easily, eyes drifting open into small slits as he peered up into his witch’s face.

Dan wasn't looking at him, but his thoughts were loud enough -

_You can look at me. Direct eye contact is viewed as a challenge, but you can look at me._

Dan blinked, a little shocked when the cat answered his thoughts directly. That shook him a bit. He hadn't quite expected Phil to read so much into his mind, forgot quite how mutual this bond was. For everything he could hear from Phil, Phil could hear that from Dan, too. It made Dan want to rush for his shields again.

But not until his job was done.

He looked back at Phil, avoiding eye contact obediently, and dropped a few drops of liquid into Phil's open mouth. He watched as Phil swallowed, and then grew more drowsy, nodding approvingly. He'd sleep through the night now, and the pain would hopefully be gone. Dan could check on him again in the morning.

He waited long enough to make sure that Phil was fast asleep, and then adjusted the nest of blankets around him to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. Dan couldn't resist one last pet of that soft, fluffy black fur, enjoying the little thrum of warmth it gave him to be touching the cat.

But it couldn't last, and Dan still wasn't sure exactly what this bond entailed. He didn't like having Phil able to explore his mind, would much rather keep things private.

With that thought, Dan turned and disappeared back upstairs, heading to his bedroom. As soon as he was alone again, he threw his shields back up, not wanting the cat to invade his thoughts while he slept. He was going to have to do some more reading, or at least question the cat properly to figure out exactly what was going on. Dan hated being in the dark.

At least Phil hadn't disappeared on him this time.

Dan fell into an uneasy sleep, unsure exactly what the morning would bring.


	3. Chapter 3

It only took a few moments after Dan had dripped the medicine into Phil's mouth for Phil to feel himself getting drowsy in a way that was out of his control. Unused to doing more than cat napping most of the time, Phil tried to resist the sensation at first, but gave in quickly, knowing that Dan would not let anything happen to him in this state. His eyes slipped shut, but not after one last glance at Dan's face, and he fell asleep with something like hope light in his heart.

It was a deep sleep, something that Phil had never experienced before. When he woke, he found that he'd pushed himself into the nest of blankets Dan had surrounded him with until his ears were hardly pricking out, twitching at the sound of activity and life going on around him. No one was bothering him, though, and Phil had no desire to truly move despite the fact that the effects of the spell were long gone now, so he stayed settled in where he was, beginning to emit the softest, gentlest purr.

He hoped Dan would hear it, would know that Phil was happy, content, okay, but he didn't want to disturb him either. He reached out tentatively to find that Dan had replaced his shields, and while disappointment wilted his ears, the hope remained strong in him. Dan had not let anyone disturb him. Dan had kept him safe. Dan had looked after him, cared for him, cleaned him and helped him sleep. So what if the shields were back up? Phil could hardly blame Dan when he knew they needed to speak.

And candidly for once.

Stretching until his paws were rested just over the top of blankets around him, Phil kept his eyes closed and dozed, waiting for the moment when Dan's work day would be over.

Dan went down the stairs to open shop the next morning with trepidation in his heart. His shields were still firmly in place, keeping his thoughts protected, but he was a bit discomforted at the knowledge that the cat was right downstairs, sleeping underneath him. As such, Dan only slept fitfully, and appeared earlier than usual to open up shop for the day.

On his way passed, he couldn't resist sticking his head around the door to the patient's' room. The black fur mound was still there on the bed, tucked into the blankets until only his ears were visible. Dan could only look for a couple of seconds before he ducked away again, nervous. It came as a relief to him that it wasn’t the weekend, and he had no need for the patient's room for walk-in clinic days that he always hosted on Saturday and Sunday. He only had to hope that no one else would have an emergency that day.

When PJ arrived cheerily, Dan told him not to go into the patient's' room because of someone contagious who had arrived late in the night, and disappeared into his office before PJ could question him any further. PJ did look suspicious, but Dan hoped the fear of contagious disease would keep him away from Phil. Dan wasn't ready to have anyone else knowing about his predicament yet.

Dan spent the rest of the day tucked away in his office, working on the potions he was due to send out to his customers. His cauldron bubbled away merrily over the open fire, and it didn't take long for Dan to get lost in the spells of his magic. He loved his work. The precise way his recipes worked, the precision and perfection they demanded played exactly to his strengths, and Dan loved to produce such perfect things that he knew would be helping people. He wasn't much use in his own life, so it was validating to know he could at least help others.

As the day drew to a close, PJ appeared with his raven on his shoulder to tell Dan they were finishing for the day. Dan waved them off with worry curling inside him. The raven stared at him suspiciously, and Dan avoided looking at it, wondering if it could sense just how badly things were going with Phil. It didn't make a sound, though, just stared at him in a way that totally unsettled Dan. Could familiars sense each other? Did it know Phil was right in the other room? Dan sincerely hoped not.

Once PJ was gone, Dan flipped the _closed_ sign into the window and turned with a heavy breath to face the patients' room. He didn't have any more chance to hide, now. Belatedly, he wondered whether familiars needed to eat or drink, whether Phil would be hungry or unable to move to look after himself. He'd seemed very weak the night before.

The only way to find out would be to talk to him.

Slowly, Dan inched the door open and peeked in, keeping his shields firmly up as he looked at the cat. He could feel the whisper of their bond in the back of his skull, but he didn't want to open it again just yet, didn't want to creep inside Phil's mind when he was mildly terrified of what he might find there. So, instead, Dan hovered in the doorway and spoke aloud, hesitantly. "Do you - do you need anything? I should have checked before just leaving you in here."

Sometimes, the best days were the quiet ones. Phil wouldn't lie; he was a lazy lounger by nature, and he was enjoying the warmth and scent of Dan nearby. He soaked in the chance to just lounge around, stretching from time to time with lazy yawns, but the comfort of Dan so close by was keeping him lulled in a sweet oblivion even better than last night's pills had done.

He didn't even notice how late it was before Dan finally returned, and startled out of his sleepy trance with a long jerk of his body into an upright position as Dan spoke aloud.

A little disgruntled that Dan had returned to normal human speech rather than communicating with Phil the way he _preferred_ , Phil shook it off and settled himself back down, long form sprawled out and chin on his paws.

_Not necessarily. If I really needed something, I could get it myself_ , he explained, piercing eyes trained on Dan's shoulder. He didn't blink as he took in the soft state of his witch, purring lightly again because he would always be happy to have Dan nearby. _I wanted to stay, though, if that's okay?_

The purring started up again as soon as Dan entered the room. The sound was pleasant and quiet and a nice accompaniment to Dan's day, if a little bit unsettling. The way Phil was stretched out in his little nest of blankets, with those startling blue eyes fixed straight on Dan, was a little bit odd. Dan wasn't used to sharing anything, let alone space and thoughts. He much preferred keeping to himself.

Still, Phil wanted to stay rather than running off straight away, which made things a little bit easier. And he hadn't broken anything yet. So Dan hesitantly stepped into the room, leaving the door open behind him, and looked a little to the side, at Phil's paws rather than directly into his eyes. "Right. Of course you can stay. I mean, if you want to. I wasn't sure..." he trailed off, glancing quickly back to Phil's eyes before remembering himself and looking away again. "I thought you had your own world? Don't you belong there?"

Not that Dan wanted to be rid of this strange creature. It was more that he didn't want to make any more mistakes, and he didn't want Phil to suffer because of him. It wasn't Phil's fault that Dan hadn't ever wanted a familiar. The last thing Dan wanted was to cause anyone pain like Phil had been through last night.

Phil watched Dan move into the room with a slowly flickering tail, his eyes following Dan’s movements with a calculated stare. He liked that Dan was coming closer, wanted him closer more than he could say, and allowed himself a small smile as his ears twitched and focused in.

Dan was asking him a question though, and for the first time, it wasn’t making Phil’s hackles rise in annoyance. He was beginning to understand that Dan wasn’t intending to speak down to him in anyway, only that Dan didn’t understand anything about Phil. He tilted his head, watched Dan’s gaze flicker awkwardly, and shook himself. Perhaps he could fight past instinct if it meant making Dan more comfortable..

_How about a compromise?_ he led with. _Don’t be afraid to look me in the eye, and I’ll try not to panic and feel threatened. Sound okay?_ Phil waited for a resolute nod from Dan, and then nodded himself, eyes flicking back and forth between Dan’s shoulder and his eyes in an awkward bated attempt to get used to the sensation of looking at him straight on.

_I do have my own world, but it’s not my world any longer,_ he explained, closing his eyes briefly on the pain of that statement. _I don’t belong there. I can visit, but I can’t stay for extended periods of time. I don’t belong there. Not anymore. I belong with you. You are my only true home._

Phil grimaced a little, understanding that the words might be a little much for Dan, but not knowing any other way to explain the concept.

_I don’t intend to overwhelm you._

Okay, this was a bit much, but Dan could at least appreciate that the cat was _trying_. He was letting Dan look him in the eyes without getting angry again, which helped Dan feel a little more comfortable. He liked to track the emotion in the person he was talking to, especially when dealing with something as fragile as this. So Dan looked cautiously up into Phil's eyes, struck again by the startling blue colour that didn't match his cat-like appearance. Phil wasn't a mere cat. Dan knew that, having seen inside his mind.

He noted the way Phil kept shifting his eyes between Dan's face and shoulder, and grimaced a little, not wanting to make Phil uncomfortable in case he got angry and threw Dan across the room, or something. Dan still had a bruise from the first time he'd met Phil and been flung across the garden. The words were a bit overwhelming, despite Phil saying he didn't _mean_ to overwhelm Dan. It was just - knowing that Phil didn't completely belong in his own world now, that he was supposed to stay here with Dan, was a bit scary and put a lot of pressure on Dan to accept him. Even when he'd never asked for this.

"I don't understand," Dan admitted after a minute, hating to reveal his own weakness. "I don't understand where you came from. I didn't think I _had_ a familiar." He shook his head, hovering just a little bit over Phil, worried about offending him again. "I don't want to upset you, but - I really don't understand any of this."

Dan took another breath, still looking at Phil. Phil just looked so _alien_ to him, not even appearing in a form Dan liked. It was as if nothing about him matched up to Dan. He'd broken so many of Dan's things, admittedly by accident, and he'd fixed the dragonplant issue at least, but surely if he was built for Dan, he'd already know how to get by in Dan's apothecary? Potion making was Dan's true gift, wasn't that supposed to match up? He had no idea. Sighing a little, Dan looked at Phil with his lips turning downwards. "How am I supposed to be your home when I don't know anything about you?"

It was clear as day how difficult this all was to Dan, written across his face in the way his brow furrowed and he stared at Phil as if Phil were completely foreign and _wrong_. It hurt, but even as Dan said he didn't want to upset Phil, he knew that he was just going to have to push past this if he ever wanted anything to change or get better.

So Dan didn't understand him. Dan didn't know anything about him, and it was beginning to frustrate his witch. Phil could understand that. He'd already figured out last night that that was probably a huge factor in why the two were struggling as much as they were. Still, it was a difficult pill to swallow, and Phil stood on shaking legs as he tried to keep his gaze focused on Dan.

_I can tell you anything you want to know_ , he murmured. _I never meant to keep you in the dark. I was just so excited about finding you that I never thought to ask...I never thought to see if you even wanted me_. Phil sighed, looking away because it hurt to think those words, to say them even if it wasn't exactly aloud.

He knew this was his fault, though. He hadn't been cautious enough. No, he hadn’t been cautious at all. Instead, he'd been head strong and ruled by his emotions, never bothering to watch Dan long enough after finding him to figure out his witches wants, and even after meeting him, hadn't bothered to stick around long enough to explain anything to him.

_I can tell you why it took me so long, though. It's fate if a familiar finds their witch early on or later in life. We're attached at the soul whether we've bonded or not, but without the bond, it's a difficult thing to find that link. Witches who call to their familiars have an easier time... but all witches have a familiar out there, waiting for them in my world. Our only goal in life, our only purpose... is to find our companion._

Again, Phil could see that he was overwhelming Dan, but he couldn't help pushing to explain how important this was when it was all that Phil had in life.

_I know it's easier for me, to call you home. I feel as though I already know you, because I came from you. When you were born, so was I, and my heart has yearned for you as you've grown. I understand your hesitance, I understand that I'm... not what you'd ever have wanted or expected, but... if you could just hear me out. If we could just try... even for just one day_ , Phil pleaded, turning wet blue eyes onto Dan once more. _I didn't mean to keep running away, but you were so_ angry _and you didn't want me, and I was_ scared.

Dan was struck by the idea that this familiar had been waiting the entire length of both their lives just to find Dan. What a sad existence - to have to spend so long dreaming about this only to then be hit by a witch who knew nothing and didn't even want to. What a disappointment Dan must be. Dan had to give Phil kudos for even bothering to stick around so long. No wonder he'd kept running away.

"I'm sorry," Dan muttered aloud, turning away and lowering his head. "I'm sorry I don't want you." He realised, as he spoke, that he was echoing the very first words the familiar had ever spoken to him, screeching from his doorstep the moment after they'd bonded and all Dan could shout was 'no'. Was he just destined to be a failure, then? Even in this, the most natural of magic, supposedly?

Nothing about this felt natural to Dan.

"So if we did," he mumbled, "For a day. I mean, if we gave this a go, like you're suggesting..." He glanced up into Phil's eyes and instantly winced at the pain and fear he found there, looking away again. He'd never meant to cause pain and fear. He just...didn't want _this_.

"If we tried it," Dan said more forcefully after drawing in a breath, "What would that entail, exactly? I'm not saying I accept this," he warned quickly, wincing again as he realised what that sounded like. "But I'm not rejecting you either. I just - I'm apparently very clueless, and I don't want to mess up. But...but I don't want anything getting inside my head." He shuddered a little. "And I don't know you at all. You say you've been around my whole life, but...I don't know you at all."

It felt like being punched in the gut, to have Dan echo the words that Phil had shouted upon their bonding. It felt like having his heart ribbed out of his chest and stomped on. It felt like all of his insides had been squeezed together, like he was disappearing right then and there, only he wasn't and he really wished he was. It felt like a death sentence, all in four fucking words - “I don’t want you,” - that Phil had never wanted to hear in his entire life. He was crushed, and he sunk to the floor with a pitiful whine so pitched that Phil knew Dan couldn’t hear it.

In a way, he was relieved for that as he lowered his gaze and curled into himself, tiny and far, far from content. He was devastated, wounded, desperate for a chance to change Dan's mind, only now he didn't think he was going to get that chance at all.

Until Dan looked at him, spoke up again, words mumbled together almost to a point where Phil couldn't understand them at all, and Phil felt that tiny spark of hope come back again. He sniffled, ears and tail droopy as he stared up at Dan with heartbreak in his eyes, and waited. He would do anything Dan asked of him right then and there if it meant being given one final chance to show Dan what they could be.

He looked up, locked eyes, tried not to wince.

"I don't have to be in your mind," he said, opening his mouth for the first time in his entire existence, and surprised by how strong his voice came out. "You can keep your shields. Even if you didn't, I wouldn't touch, Dan I - when the bond is open like it was last night, it just means the familiar and their witch trust each other enough to be vulnerable in that way. It doesn't mean either the witch or the familiar will take advantage of that openness, and without your shields, only the strongest of your thoughts and feelings might pass through enough for me to interpret them. But we don't have to have that. Not for a trial day, not ev- not ever, if you don't want."

Phil stood, but his legs were shaking and he felt weak again. His magic prickled with the upset, and he knew he was on the verge of losing control. He just needed one last chance to prove himself. Just one.

"Give me one day. Give me one day to show you that - that I can be good for you. Just give me a chance to show you what I can bring to your life. I just... I just want you to be happy, Dan. And if I wouldn't make you happy, than I'd be proud to walk away. Because that would make you happy. But just give me one day to prove that you can be happier _with_ me. Please, Dan. I'm begging you. You don't have to make any decisions for as long as you want, but just give me twenty-four hours to show you who I am."

Dan almost fell over when the cat actually _spoke_. He toppled sideways, overbalanced, and nearly crashed into the shelf behind him, throwing out a hand against the wall to stop himself from falling (and being far too dramatic about it, too). He swallowed, straightening back up slowly. He just hadn't ever expected the familiar to actually _speak_ , and hearing such a strong, dark voice coming from the mouth of a fluffy black cat was almost too surreal to be real.

It _was_ real, though. Dan could tell from the sincerity in Phil's tone, in the desperate way he held eye contact with Dan despite being apparently uncomfortable with it. His words were slightly heartbreaking. Dan didn't want to reject him - not when it would hurt Phil. It went against Dan's every instinct to be the cause of pain for anything, even something unwelcome. He was a healer. He was supposed to fix things, not make them worse.

Twenty-four hours, the cat was asking for. Just twenty-four hours to try this out. Twenty-four hours in which Dan's mind would still be protected, in which he would let the cat show him what it wanted and teach him how life with a familiar would work. Dan was still slightly terrified, but at least if he allowed this then he'd be making an informed decision. He didn't want to make things even worse.

Plus, the unhappy power already radiating off Phil was almost overwhelming in the small room, and Dan didn't want to upset Phil any more.

Cautiously, he moved across the room, worried a little by the way Phil was shaking as he stood. His legs looked almost too thin to hold him up, and the black paws were curled tightly into the sheets Dan had made into a nest for him. Remembering last night made Dan soften a little - the cat had been so hurt, but the way it purred in Dan's arms had been really...nice.

"Twenty-four hours," Dan mumbled, jerking his head in something close to a nod. "I'll try. I can give you that much, after putting you through all this." He winced a bit, lifting a hand automatically, though pausing before he could touch Phil again. He wanted to check on Phil's wounds, to make sure there was no infection, but he also didn't want to overstep any boundaries, so his hand just kind of...floated there, in the space between them as Dan stood in front of the bed.

"I’m sorry that I made them hurt you." Dan's voice almost dropped to a whisper. "I don't - I don't want that. So I can try, at least for a day. Can I check your wounds? I promise not to hurt you."

Phil was so tense, he actually flinched as Dan crashed backwards in apparent awe and surprise at the fact that Phil actually _could_ speak. He'd just never had to before, never wanted to, far happier to have Dan's voice curling around his own mind and thoughts and vice versa, but this would do if it meant that they could try, that Phil hadn't lost his last chance at happiness in life. He kept a tight hold on the magic that wanted to reach out and steady Dan, unsure what might actually happen with so much power surging through him, and waited anxiously as Dan considered Phil's words.

He slumped over, collapsing in on himself with relief when Dan jerked his head in something close to a nod. Phil closed his eyes, letting out another pitiful whine that he knew Dan would hear this time, and just lay there, waiting for it all to sink in. Dan was going to give him a chance. Dan was actually going to give him a chance to prove that Phil could be good for him.

His eyes opened again as Dan apologized, stared up at the way Dan hesitated in touching him, and felt his heart ache.

This wasn't how things were meant to be.

"I told you, it wasn't your fault. It was mine. And no one will ever hurt me again," Phil reassured Dan, but in his own mind and in his own heart, he knew that one person might hurt him again. Only one person truly could, and that was Dan. "My wounds are fine. But if it would please you, you can check on them.

Phil's eyes were mostly closed, but it was more to comfort Dan than anything else that he pretended to keep them closed. The reality of it was was that he was staring at Dan, watching him move and look at Phil like he didn't know what to do with himself. There was guilt there, clear on his face, that Phil wanted to wash away, but he couldn't. He couldn't because Dan didn't believe him that Phil truly didn’t blame him for any of this.

It was hard. Phil was still trying to battle through all the emotions he'd just been forced to sit through. Last night had been so _good_ compared to today, and Phil had spent all day right where he'd wanted to be. He'd dreaded this conversation, but he'd been _happy_ because he was so close to his witch, and that was all that Phil needed in life. Now, now his mind was a whirlwind of emotion, all of which he needed to battle through if he wanted to prove to Dan that he should accept Phil as his familiar.

Dan bit his lip, still unsure. He couldn't quite see how any of this was Phil's fault - Dan was the one who didn't have a clue, and Dan was the one who kept pushing Phil away, even now incapable of accepting him. Dan just didn't _want_ to, not when it felt like such a massive commitment that he was in no way ready or prepared for.

It just wasn't fair that Phil should have to suffer, too.

He approached slowly, nodding. "I'll check, then, if it's alright with you. I just want to make sure you're healing properly. Can you roll over for me?" He watched hesitantly as Phil obediently rolled onto his back, his heart tugging a little at seeing the animal sad and scared as opposed to the happy purring Dan had been graced with last night. Nothing about this felt right.

Dan pushed those thoughts away for now. Twenty-four hours. By the end of these twenty-four hours, he might have a better idea of what exactly was going on and just who Phil was, and at least then things had a better chance of being okay. They had to. This couldn't be a complete disaster - it just couldn't be. There had to be something that made more sense than this limbo Dan found himself caught in.

He reached for Phil with one large hand, gently patting the fur on his belly, pleased when Phil didn't flinch. The magic was doing its work, the three scars barely there anymore and there wasn't any more bleeding. Phil's fur felt soft and warm with no trace of the blood and sweat that had tangled it last night. Dan could feel the same thrum of warmth and happiness that had come from touching Phil yesterday, and he couldn't resist curling his fingers gently through Phil's fur, petting him slowly.

It couldn't all be bad, if he got to feel like this.

"Can I ask you something?" Dan murmured after a moment, once he was absolutely sure that Phil was ok. His fingers stayed curled in Phil's fur, gently stroking him and enjoying the warmth he got in return. "If it isn't rude to ask - why are you a cat? Is it your favourite form, or something? I mean, I've seen your mind." Dan held back a shudder. "You've got more power than I've ever _seen_. Can you choose to appear however you want?"

When Dan asked him to roll over, Phil did so easily, actually closing his eyes now. He didn't want to see Dan as the professional. He didn't want to see Dan touching him, but face neutral because it was clear he was trying to stay unattached. Still, when Dan touched him, it was the best feeling in the world, and Phil felt himself began to calm. The magic pounding through him retreating as much as it ever would, and Phil took back control over himself.

This was something he could do.

Was it just him, or was Dan actually petting him?

Eyes opening slowly, Phil peered up at Dan. "It's not rude to ask. You can ask me anything. Familiars have no choice over their forms, both animal or human. We are born the perfect embodiment of our human's soul, an echo of who you are. I am a cat because that is the best representation of your soul."

Dan was still petting him. His fingers were buried deep in Phil's fur, carding through almost absentmindedly, and Phil wanted to purr but he didn't want to startle Dan, to make him aware of what he was doing if it was by accident. Phil didn't want it to end. He wanted to take full advantage of these next twenty-four hours in case things didn't turn out the way he wanted them too.

Dan didn't stop petting Phil, whether he should or not, because it just felt right to have Phil's fur under his fingers, to be touching him and having him close. The bond that still whispered away in the back of his mind was nudging at him again, reminding him that if he wanted to, it would be easy as anything to open it and be back inside Phil's head, and have Phil back inside his mind. That was what terrified Dan most. The idea that Phil could have access to his mind.

His brow furrowed a little as Phil explained why he was a cat. Accurate representation of Dan's soul? What did that mean? Was Dan feline somehow, then? Was he supposed to like that? He didn't even like cats. What was going on there?

With a slightly bitter smile, he said as much, his fingers still gently sifting through the fur on Phil's belly. He wished the purring would come back.

"That's...strange. I thought you must have picked it because you liked it. I'm...not a huge fan of cats, if I'm honest." he grimaced. "Not that I'm saying I don't like _you_. I don't know you yet. Just...it's strange, to me, that you're a cat. I suppose I don't get to pick, though."

Honestly, the longer Dan pet at Phil, the more it hurt. Phil's eyes were wet with tears, and so he kept them closed, because it just felt so _right_ to be touched by Dan, and he wasn't sure how long he'd get to have this. He wanted to keep it for the rest of his life, wanted to be touched and loved by the one person who was meant for him. Essentially, if Phil believed in... all aspects of being a familiar, Dan was meant to be his soulmate, whatever that entailed. Phil had been created for him, sure, but Dan was meant to be Phil's everything just as much as Phil was meant to be Dan’s.

And he wanted that so bad. So bad.

He couldn't exist without Dan.

Some bitter part of Phil wondered over why Dan was so reluctant. How could he not feel as lonely as Phil did when Dan wasn’t around?

Filled with more pleasure and happiness than he could explain at such a simple touch, bitter as it may be, Phil began to purr.

"I don't get to pick either," Phil murmured back. His eyes opened a slit to stare up at Dan. "If I did, I would pick something more pleasing to you. But it feels right, this form. It thrums with the essence of you. I couldn't be happy any other way, because it wouldn't be you," Phil admitted softly, even though he knew Dan might not like it. "I can't explain to you why this form is ours, but I can tell you that it feels right. I'm sorry it's not what you would have preferred."

Dan shook his head quickly. "I didn't mean for you to apologise. It isn't your fault. I don't - I don't quite know how to say this properly, but I'm not rejecting _you_." Dan sighed, taking a minute to sort through his thoughts, because this seemed important and if they were going to take twenty-four hours to try and fix this, then Dan was going to try his hardest to do exactly that. That meant getting Phil to understand his side, just as Dan was beginning to understand Phil's.

It wasn't easy, considering how different the places they were coming from were, but Dan was going to try.

"See, I'm not rejecting you," Dan murmured, finally removing his hand from Phil's fur in order to jump up onto the bed beside him. He'd heard the beginnings of purring, before, so he was quick to place his hand back in Phil's fur once he was settled, wanting to keep him calm if he could.

"You don't have to apologise for being a cat," Dan tried to explain again. He didn't much like this, wasn't used to revealing so much of himself. If left him feeling dangerously unprotected. "I don't mind that you're a cat. I want you to stay that way, if it feels right to you. It's just that I’ve never really liked the idea of a system of getting a familiar. I'm - ah - I'm quite solitary. I don't like having other people get too close."

"So you see, it isn't _you_ ," Dan desperately tried to explain, no matter knowing that this excuse was flimsy at best. It was the best he had, though. "I haven't got anything against you, and I don't want you to hurt, but I just - I just never saw myself being close to someone. So it's a bit scary, having you show up." Dan let out a slow breath. Was he making any sense at all? Probably not.

"But I'm going to try," Dan promised quietly. "For the next twenty-four hours, like you said. I'll try. But just - be gentle with me?"

Phil blinked his eyes open properly as Dan spoke, trying to give him all of his attention and focus and make it clear that Phil was listening, that Phil wanted to do his best to make things better, to make things work, but it was difficult to wrap his mind around what Dan was trying to say to him. If Dan didn't want a familiar, than he _was_ rejecting Phil. He stared, disappointed, as Dan pulled away from him, but it was only seconds later when he jumped up on the bed next to Phil. Phil didn't even flinch, rolling to face Dan and purring again as Dan pressed his hand back against Phil's fur.

This time, it was clear it was intentional, and the affection Phil felt for Dan only seemed to increase, the hope flaring hot in his chest. He watched, tried to take in what Dan was saying, read the distress and worry in Dan's face, and though he didn't really want to move, got to his feet and moved into Dan's lap. He curled up there, ignoring the fact that Dan seemed confused and unsure, until he was coiled tight and resting in the warmest spot he could imagine. He closed his eyes, pressed his chin to the top of his paws, and tried to settle Dan with the feeling of his even breathing.

"I'll always be gentle with you, Dan," he murmured, mind buzzing. "But you have to understand, you _are_ rejecting me. Whether it's because you don't like _me_ , or you don't like the _idea_ of me, it doesn't matter. It's all the same for me. Either way... either way you're all that I have."

Phil paused, considering. He wanted Dan to understand, but he didn't quite want Dan to know what was at stake here. He wanted Dan to be happy, but Dan seemed so concerned with what happened to Phil that he would do anything just to make sure Phil was okay, because Dan was a healer and by nature, kind. Phil could see that. As much as he wanted to use that to his advantage, he wanted Dan happy _more_ , and so he decided, right then and there, that he wouldn't tell Dan what would happen to him if Dan rejected him.

"I just want you to be happy. I never stopped to consider your feelings when I found you, but I wish that I had. I never thought... I grew up lonely, Dan. I never considered that maybe you preferred it that way. I can understand that. If, after these twenty-four hours, you decide that you're happier alone, than I'll leave you be, and you'll never see me again. Is that okay?"

Dan hesitated when the cat climbed into his lap, unsure whether or not he liked it. His first instinct was to push the cat away, but he had a feeling that would defeat the whole purpose of their conversation and just upset Phil more, which wasn't what Dan wanted. So he stayed absolutely still while Phil curled himself up into a little ball and rested on Dan's legs, looking up at him. Dan had to admit, the soft warmth against him was kind of nice.

After a moment, Dan allowed his hand to move back into Phil's fur, running in a curious stroke down his back. The purring was starting up again, which sent a little stirring of warmth starting in Dan's chest. Before he knew it, his lips were twitching up into a slight smile, and he stroked Phil again, curling his fingers in the soft black fur.

A little crease appeared in his brow as he considered Phil's words. "I don't...I don't want to reject _you_. Not you. You're just part of a system I never wanted - though I see what you're saying. For you, the outcome would be the same, whatever my intentions may be."

He sighed heavily, scratching behind Phil's ear. The movements felt kind of natural now, as if it was right to have Phil here with him, to hold him close and pet him. Dan could get used to this, maybe, if he let himself and Phil didn't invade his mind anymore.

"Okay," he agreed softly, "After twenty-four hours I'll make my decision, and you can leave if that's what's right. But - I promise I'll try? I know your life has been about finding me, which is honestly a lot to get my head around, so I promise I _will_ try," Dan sighed. Honestly, he was finding it difficult to accept that someone like Phil could be so wrapped up in Dan, so desperate for Dan's attention and completely fixed on Dan's acceptance. He wasn't used to it at all, and he had a hard time truly believing it.

Phil was here, though. Which meant Dan was going to have to learn.

Phil stared up at Dan as Dan finally reached down and pressed a hand into his fur, petting softly with light drags down his back in a way that made his back arch softly into the touches. He'd never really had someone pet him before, and it was really quite amazing. Phil knew he would crave the touch always now, especially when Dan moved his fingers to scratch lightly behind his ears. Phil closed his eyes, tilting his head into Dan's touch as his purr grew steadier and louder.

It was like a little motor, and the thought almost made Phil laugh, except he was too content in his witch’s touches to do much other than bask in them. He never wanted it to end.

This was something new, and special, so precious to Phil that he was desperate not to mess it up.

"Okay," Phil agreed in a quiet murmur, pressing his head further and further into Dan's hand until he was practically pressing the top of his head into Dan's stomach. He heard Dan let out a quiet laugh, and the sound sent something happy burbling in Phil's stomach.

It was the best sound.

He didn't even dwell on the fact that Dan had bought into his lie, didn't dwell on the fact that Dan still may reject him. Instead, he just closed his eyes and let himself sink into the feeling of Dan caring for him, even for just another moment.

Dan laughed again, watching with warm eyes as the cat rolled on his lap, moving into his touch until it was practically pressed right up against his stomach. Dan obediently scratched more at Phil's head, finding a place behind his right ear that had him purring louder and louder. Dan focused his attention there. Phil's purring was like a little motor, Dan could practically feel Phil vibrating in his lap.

It was a warm, happy sound, and made a strange sort of tug happen inside Dan's chest.

He ignored it for now, instead settling back with a sigh. With his fingers still scratching at the spot behind Phil's ear, Dan asked, "So what exactly happens for these twenty-four hours? Do you come everywhere with me? You could come upstairs, to my flat, if you like." He paused, biting his lip. "I mean - if you want to. And do you need food? Water? How do I look after you? I've never had so much as a pet before. I can do plants, but not animals, usually."

Phil almost startled as Dan spoke up again, breaking the small trance he'd fallen into at Dan scratching just the right spot. He probably looked undignified all sprawled out over Dan the way he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he opened his eyes only to realize he'd begun to drool. Sitting up abruptly, Phil resettled himself with the hope that Dan hadn't noticed, blinking rapidly and then moving to stare off somewhere that wasn't Dan's face or belly. He was slightly embarrassed he'd let himself go the way he had, but he couldn't take it back now, so he tried to focus on Dan's questions instead.

His tail swayed softly behind him, as he moved to lick at his paws, once again trying to hide the fact that he'd been drooling.

"I will come everywhere with you," Phil confirmed. "And I'll do my best to be whatever you need. I can help you, with your spells or your life in general, or I can just be your companion, someone to stay by your side so you won't be lonely. Someone to talk to, confide in, just spend time with. I'm meant to be everything for you," he explained, finally turning back to Dan so he could look at him in the eye regardless of how uncomfortable it still was for him.

"For the next twenty-four hours, I just want to try and show you what I can be."

He turned back again, settled in on Dan's lap, and rested his head on his paws while his ears twitched.

"You don't have to do much to look after me. Familiars don't eat, or drink, not the way you do, at least not until they've been accepted. After that, they can hunt for themselves. We're quite self-reliant in some ways... not so much in others." Phil scoffed a little at that, aware of how reliant he was for happiness on his witch, and hoping Dan wouldn't point the obvious out. "If you chose to accept me... it's like any other relationship. I just need attention, companionship... love." Phil didn't look at Dan, then, though he itched too. He dug his paws in a little, clung to Dan and closed his eyes, because he wasn't ready to be rejected just yet.

Dan cringed a bit at the mention of a _relationship_. That wasn't something he'd ever considered for himself, and certainly wasn't something he thought he would ever desire. He was happy alone. His life was fulfilled just fine right now, thank you very much, he didn't need someone else coming along and getting in the way.

But...Phil looked pretty happy in his lap right now, sitting up to clean his face before settling back down again, and Dan kind of liked the way he looked there. The warmth was nice, and he liked running his fingers through Phil's fur. It was like when his neighbour's dog allowed Dan close enough to pet, only with added purring. Dan could get used to that.

Twenty-four hours. He just had to make it through twenty-four hours.

"Okay," Dan nodded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have to feed you cat food. I wouldn't even know where to start." He went back to gently stroking Phil's back, watching with delight as the cat arched under his touches and the purring started up again, if a little more quietly. "Um - I can - I'll be around for the rest of today and tomorrow, then. I'll try and give you what you need. You can help me with my recipes, and..." He trailed off then, unable to stop the little shudder at the idea of showing Phil anything close to _love_. He didn't even _know_ Phil.

Maybe he should change that.

"Let's start again," Dan said suddenly, decisively, and picked Phil up to hold him in front of his face, hoping he didn't look too threatening. "Hi. I'm Dan Howell, I'm twenty-four, and I'm a healer. I'm a bit of a recluse and I don't do people well." He smirked a little, giving a shake of his head. "And you are?"

Just like that, Dan's fingers were back, stroking over Phil's back until he was arching upwards, desperate for more. His eyes closed as he went back to purring, pressing his head against Dan's belly just because he could, and stretching out leisurely as he listened to Dan speak. It was early evening now, properly pushing seven, and Phil knew Dan's routine pretty well by now. He was certain that he could help Dan in some ways over the next few hours before bedtime, and was excited to actually spend some time with his witch.

He was just about to speak up to agree with Dan that he could easily meld himself into Dan's life when Dan's voice trailed off like he was unsure and cautious about where his sentence would go forward, and then he was reaching down and lifting Phil easily into the air. Phil's eyes popped open, his feet jerking lightly now that there was no solid ground beneath him, and he hissed without meaning too, scrambling to get comfortable with the way Dan was holding him.

Dan seemed to pick up on that quickly enough, moving one arm to cradle Phil's bum until he was nearly cradling him, at which point Phil settled, although slightly disgruntled. He pouted at Dan the best he could, but, feeling warm butterflies in his stomach at Dan's attempt to get to know him, spoke up regardless.

"I'm Phil, or Philip. Technically my last name is Howell too, but I'd guess that might make you uncomfortable, so I'm just Phil. I'm also twenty-four, a familiar, and probably far too clumsy for my own good, but you already know that. I promise I can be helpful too, though. And stubborn. But I figure you already know that as well. I'm definitely a people person, so I'm sure we can balance each other out."

Dan snorted a little. "You're definitely clumsy, I know that much." He'd had to rescue Phil from the messes he made in his greenhouse how many times now? Dan made a mental note not to let Phil alone into the greenhouse, or on the counter, or generally anywhere until Dan was sure he wasn't going to break anything important.

Just then, the thought of the dragonplant drifted into Dan's mind. Phil wasn't entirely useless - in fact, he'd managed to get Dan the most successful crop of dragonplant he'd ever had, which had already allowed him to brew some of the rarer potions out there. Dan's magic had become stronger as a result, and his patients much happier.

Dan adjusted his grip on Phil slightly, cradling him close to his chest and snorting again at Phil's disgruntled look. "What? You can't stay on my lap all night if you're going to actually help me. I'll just call you Phil for now," he decided. The idea of sharing a last name was far too intimate. Unless they were like brothers. But somehow, that didn't quite seem to fit.

"Come on," Dan murmured, getting to his feet with Phil still cradled against his chest. Maybe he didn't need to carry him, but Dan was really growing to like the warmth of Phil in his arms. “Let’s go show you my actual house.”


	4. Chapter 4

Dan moved out of the patient's' room into the shop itself, and headed for the stairs that led up to his little flat. He held Phil carefully as he entered his living room, setting him down on the counter right by Dan's oven as he went to gather some things for dinner. "So this is where I live. Do you need a tour? Or have you seen it before, from your - other world?"

Phil almost didn't let go when Dan dropped him off on a counter next to Dan's oven, but he was ultimately too afraid of ruining his one chance with Dan by clinging too obviously, so he jumped down from Dan’s arms as graciously as possible, even if he did miss his warmth. It was more important to Phil to convince Dan that Phil could be good for him, and if that meant being on his best behavior, than so be it.

Slightly embarrassed as Dan called him out on spying on him, Phil sat down and watched Dan move around the kitchen. "I've seen it before," he admitted. "There's - there's not much to do other than observe. And I was curious about you," Phil confessed. He almost wished that Dan would allow them to open up the bond, that Dan would take down his shields, if only so Phil could show Dan who Phil really was, give Dan the chance to sate his own curiosity about Phil. "Do you need help with dinner?" he asked instead, already moving to take a step forward and attempt to be helpful.

Dan set a pan down on the hob next to Phil, mulling over his words. So Phil had been watching him, from the other world. Surprisingly, Dan wasn't as creeped out about that as he thought he would be. He'd seen in his glimpse into Phil's mind the night before the kind of world he'd come from, that mystical place of shadows and light where he'd settled with others of his kind and looked down upon Dan's world. Kind of like having a guardian. Dan couldn't complain too much about that.

"That saves time," he murmured. "So I don't have to show you round." He reached for some veggies and a knife and started chopping, deciding to make his favourite soup again. He could use magic for this, but Dan liked the rhythm of cooking and did it often to distract himself. He did heat the pan with a flick of his fingers, though, not bothering to wait for a flame as he started to toss in the ingredients.

Glancing at Phil when he offered to help with dinner, Dan raised a brow. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, you said you were clumsy...I don't want you hurting yourself anymore when you're still injured.”

It wasn't... difficult to offend Phil. He knew that. He knew he was stubborn and probably a bit too sensitive, but he couldn't change that about himself, and so he was... a little irritated to have Dan questioning Phil's ability to help. "I'm clumsy, not challenged. I can do magic just as well as you," he complained, grumpy as he picked up on what Dan was cooking and summoned a knife for himself to start chopping up vegetables with Dan. He watched, smug, as it did as he asked, lifting a paw to lick at casually. "See?" he teased easily, aware that he was being kind of a shithead but unable to stop or help himself.

He wanted to show Dan that he wasn't useless, though, and he couldn't think of another way to do that except by proving it. As soon as his vegetables were chopped, Phil sent them off to the broth that was now simmering nearby.

Dan jumped back, startled, when a knife appeared out of nowhere and started chopping up vegetables right next to him. He calmed a little when he realised it was Phil, though, and turned to see the cat primly washing his face as he sat on Dan's counter. Dan shook his head. That wasn't an image he'd be forgetting anytime soon, and he'd never imagined he'd find a cat so offended that Dan wasn't sure it could cook.

"I take it back," he admitted after a moment, and watched the vegetables fly into the pot he had simmering away. He smirked a little. "I suppose you will be of some use, then. I could use you when I'm brewing up potions.”

Dan stopped for a moment, just to watch, and then remembered how Phil had said he’d watched Dan in the past. He couldn’t help his curiosity as he asked, “Why don't you tell me more about what you saw, when you were watching me, then? I’m sure you must have plenty of stories to tell.”

"I didn’t watch anything weird or anything like that," he explained, blushing as Dan seemed to tease him some more about it. "Mostly you just work on potions and new recipes. Honestly it's fascinating to watch. I like seeing the things you can do," he admitted. "You’re incredibly smart," Phil added. "You fall asleep at your desk far too often, though. Sometimes I want to come and wake you up but- but I was too scared."

With Phil chopping up the vegetables, cooking went much faster, and it only took a few minutes more for Dan to have all the ingredients thrown in and simmering. He turned to his fridge, hunting for some chicken to add as he listened to Phil explaining that he hadn't been spying, really.

"I should hope you weren't watching me in the shower, or something," Dan snorted. He faced Phil with bright eyes, though his face fell a little when Phil mentioned him sleeping at his desk a lot. Dan didn't exactly _mean_ to, it was just that when he was busy working on a new recipe, or he got a breakthrough with a spell, then he would stay up working on it until he fell asleep. Still, he didn't _mean_ to.

"Thanks for calling me smart," he murmured after a moment, smiling as he returned to the counter with some chicken pieces to add to the pan. "I'm not really, but thanks. I just work hard. Potions are fun, you know? It's my speciality. Is it - um - is it yours, too? If you're meant to be like me, I mean?"

Phil averted his eyes as Dan asked whether or not Phil watched him in the shower, and considered how he should answer that. Until Dan brought it up, Phil hadn't actually realised it might be something that Dan found uncomfortable, and he turned so Dan couldn't quite meet his eyes regardless of how hard he tried. His own gaze fixated on the soup that now had a lid over it in order for it to simmer.

"I don't understand humans customs," Phil finally said, jerking his tail away from where Dan had almost put his hand down and smashed it. "Is watching you in the shower a bad thing?" he hedged, finally turning and glancing at Dan awkwardly. "If it is, then I'm sorry. If it makes it any better, you're quite handsome. And very healthy,” he said, awkward and a little confused as he’d never really _liked_ watching Dan in the shower anyway. Logically, Phil knew that Dan was quite handsome and very fit, but...but he didn’t really like seeing him like that. The human form was not particularly appealing to Phil - not that another familiar’s form were all that much better. Still, as Phil hopped over the stove top to the other side of the counter, curious about his surroundings, he couldn’t help dwelling on the fact that he found human’s particularly weird.

Dan nearly dropped the chicken at Phil’s easy reply, and he spluttered, loudly, as he rescued it and took care to place it safely back on the counter. When he turned to look at Phil, the cat wasn't meeting his eyes, which only served to make Dan even more nervous. The cat had _watched_ him in the _shower_?! How did he even begin to go about explaining what was wrong with that?

"Um," Dan tried after a few seconds of silence. "It's not - it's not exactly normal to see someone undressed, that's all." He shook his head a bit, sputtering again. Was that Phil's way of complimenting him? Saying he was healthy and handsome? Dan could feel a flush spreading up his right cheek. He was never any good at this, and especially not when the person he was talking to appeared to be most definitely feline.

It seemed silly and unnecessary to Phil that humans got dressed at _all_ , let alone that they found it uncomfortable for other humans to see them naked, despite being a little uncomfortable by all the skin _himself_. Phil didn't wear any clothes, and Dan was fine with touching him like this, so what was wrong with someone looking? That seemed far more harmless than Dan touching him was, and even _that_ didn’t seem weird at all to Phil, though he was prickling with an odd sense of discomfort at the idea of... stroking Dan, or looking at him naked any longer than he had to. He wanted to ask about it, but he was far too distracted by taking in as much of Dan’s kitchen up close as he could, and once he was beside the fridge, he found himself staring up in awe at it because it was so _big_. Pinned with magnets all over it were mostly notes about what Dan needed to restock, either in his greenhouse or his fridge, and there was a white board with a to-do-list on it that was mostly covered in "research" at the moment.

"I don't know what my specialty is," Phil admitted. "Familiars have no need for potions or research or... or useful attempts at magic most of the time in our own world. Most familiars discover these things once they've found their witch. I expect that if it is your speciality, it must be mine. If you're worried whether I can be helpful or not, I'm certain I will learn, and learn far quicker than any other pupil you've ever had."

Behind him, Phil could smell it as Dan added chicken to the pot, and turned from his perusal of his fridge to jump back over the stove again. Dan made a confused, worried sound that Phil ignored before he was jumping off the counter entirely and scouring about on Dan's floor. He'd dropped some mulkswood under a table the other day and hadn't noticed, so Phil went and retrieved it, flopping onto his side and reaching out with a little batting paw until the mulkswood rolled out from under it. He picked it up lightly in his mouth and turned to present it to Dan with his tail swishing happily.

Dan grew a little worried as the cat started to explore his kitchen on its own, wandering over to his fridge before dropping down off it completely. He couldn't stop himself from spinning to watch Phil. After all, Phil had said himself he was clumsy, and there were a lot of sharp things in the kitchen. The last thing he needed was for Phil to accidentally hurt himself when he was only just recovered from last night. Dan's brow furrowed. He hadn't liked seeing Phil like that, so troubled and in pain.

As he watched, Phil rolled around on his side in an admittedly quite adorable way, batting at something with his paws, before he reappeared with a little bit of mulkswood in his mouth. Dan whooped instantly, crouching down and reaching out a palm for it. "There it is! I've been looking for that. How on Earth did you find it?" He grinned, happy. "That'll be your first job, tomorrow. It's for healing joint pain, Mrs Pritchard will be in again this week and she needs her remedy. You can help me make it, if you like."

Phil purred happily when Dan basically started praising him for finding the missing mulkswood, and smiled up at Dan as he whooped in obvious excitement and joy.

"I saw you drop it the other day," Phil explained helpfully, moving to press his body against Dan's legs and arching his back into him as he rubbed himself against him. "But you never picked it back up, so I figured you'd lost it." His eyes closed as he pressed his face against Dan's calf, rubbing his cheek there for a minute before delicately moving away. The happy buzz in him from pleasing his witch was making him a little more confident now.

"I've seen you lose a few things, actually. I'm sure I could find them for you," he offered helpfully.

Before he could wander off further, however, Dan was lifting him into his arms again and setting him back on the counter next to the stove, seeming concerned with the way Phil was wandering about his kitchen and home.

"Would you mind staying up here?" he asked.

Peering at Dan cautiously, Phil eventually nodded in agreement, and settled down so he was laying on the counter and could watch Dan more easily.

"I don't understand something," he finally spoke up. "Why do humans wear clothes? And why is not normal to see them undressed? I'm not wearing any clothes and you don't seem to mind touching my bare skin, so why is not the same with humans?"

Dan pursed his lips, happier now that Phil was back up on the counter. As pleased as he was that Phil had found him the mulkswood he'd been after for a while now, it was a little disconcerting to have him scampering about the kitchen by Dan's feet when Dan couldn't watch him constantly and there were lots of sharp and dangerous things for him to injure himself with. All in all, he was safer up on the counter.

He blanched again at Phil's question, screwing up his face. How on earth was he supposed to explain the concept of naked people to a cat? Admittedly a very intelligent cat who had more magic than Dan had ever seen, but still, this was tricky. He didn't want to be patronising, but at the same time, this was kind of...just obvious to Dan, in a way it clearly wasn't to Phil.

"Ah," Dan tried to say, grimacing a bit. "It's - um - it's different, with people. Than animals. Ah." He drew in a breath, trying to straighten his thoughts out a bit before continuing. "See, there's a nature of...attraction with humans being naked around each other that's usually reserved for - um - certain situations. With animals the attraction isn't there, so it isn't weird. To us, at least."

Dan's eyes widened suddenly. "Is it weird for you? I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry if I did. Should I not touch you? It just felt kind of..." He trailed off, unsure of the right word to finish that sentence. He didn't know how to say it just felt completely natural to touch Phil, as if it was something Dan was made to do. It just felt _right_.

Phil cocked his head as he tried to focus and understand what Dan was saying to him, ears twitching and tail swaying slowly. Attraction? Certain situations? So... was Phil meant to be attracted to Dan in a certain way? Well... Phil was attracted to Dan. He thought he was the most perfect person in the world, but he had a feeling that's not exactly what Dan meant. He tilted his head a little more, confused.

He was about to pry and ask more questions when Dan suddenly turned it on him, and Phil scrambled to his feet with a loud "No!"

Dan appeared taken aback by Phil's sudden outburst, and he settled back down in embarrassment, hiding his face.

"No, it's not weird for me at all. I just meant - nothing. Please don't stop petting me. No one has ever pet me before. It's - it feels really nice," he said, downplaying just how good it felt because he didn't want to make Dan uncomfortable. He didn't know if that was crossing some kind of boundary or not.

In fact, Phil didn't know a lot of things about the human world, and his curiosity was brimming, but he held himself back, wanting to wait to ask questions until he felt like he had more time. Right now, he just knew he needed to try and get Dan to accept him, and that was far more important than any of Phil's silly questions.

"I don't quite understand the nakedness thing, but I trust you. If you say it's not okay, then I will refrain from watching anyone else in the shower." Not that he liked it much anyway.

Dan's lips twitched as Phil scrambled to his feet, tail waving in agitation. It was good to know that the petting was good on both sides, and Dan was pleased he had permission now to pet Phil whenever he liked. Hopefully he'd be able to do it more, without worry of offending Phil. At least, he hoped. Navigating all the social courtesies when neither of them had any understanding of the other's culture was going to be...interesting.

Dan jumped again when Phil mentioned the possibility of seeing anyone _else_ in the shower. He was sure he didn't want that at all. If Phil was _his_ familiar, then shouldn't all his attention be on Dan? ...Not that Dan even wanted it, it was just, that didn't seem right at all.

"No, you're definitely not supposed to look at anyone else in the shower." Dan's voice came out more like a growl than he expected, so he gave his head a little shake, softening his gaze as he looked back at Phil. Now he knew it was okay, he lifted a hand and gently scratched behind Phil's ear, just for a second, before he turned back to the simmering pot.

"I've got extra chicken here, if you want some," Dan offered after a moment. "Cats like chicken, right? Are you...um...do you even have the same appetite as a cat?"

Something warm and happy stirred in Phil's belly at Dan's reaction, his mouth curling into a small smile as he sat back down and folded into himself, purring lightly at the recognition that Dan seemed to find it abhorrent that Phil might do something that apparently was out of bounds with someone other than _him_ , but Phil could only gleam so much from a tone of voice.

Dan _was_ his witch, though. He thought he could read him relatively well.

"I don't know yet. I won't have any appetite for human or cat food unless you accept me," Phil explained quietly again, averting his gaze so Dan wouldn't think Phil was pressuring him. "But I appreciate the offer of chicken. It smells good, and I know you like it," he tacked on quickly, licking at his paws primly to avoid scrutinization. Phil really wanted to be able to share everything with Dan, and that hopefully one day included his meals.

"Don't laugh... but in my world we eat… well, the closest human word I can think of is ‘clouds’."

"How do you know I like chicken?" Dan asked, before narrowing his eyes. "No, wait. I'm not so sure I want to know. Do I want to know? Is it to do with you spying on me again? I mean - not that that was bad. I just. This is all really new." That was a jumbled mess of words, and Dan knew it, but his _mind_ was a mess at the moment. He wasn't sure how to feel about how close Phil was to him, when he didn't even know Phil at all, and didn't know he'd existed until a few weeks ago.

"But yes, chicken is my favourite meat," Dan mumbled, trying to soften his interrogation a bit. He checked on the soup, happy with the simmer, and flicked the fire off with a click of his fingers. His eyes widened a bit at Phil, though. "Clouds? You ate _clouds_?" Laughing was the farthest thought from Dan's mind - actually, he was fascinated, trying to analyse the consistency of clouds and the substance of the familiar to figure out how that could be possible.

In fact, he became so absorbed that he was kind of just staring at Phil, and the soup was tipping precariously out of his hand and threatening to tip onto the floor because he'd kind of...forgotten about it. Until suddenly there was a bowl in his hands and the saucepan was floating in front of him, soup filling the bowl up perfectly.

Dan blinked. Phil must have conjured the bowl, because he'd certainly never seen that pattern of pottery before. Before he could stop himself, Dan was smiling. "Um. Thanks. I get a bit distracted sometimes. Was trying to figure out how on earth you got by eating clouds. It's so interesting."

Whether Phil was looking at Dan directly or not, he always had at least one eye on him, keeping track of his movements and evaluating his expressions. When he'd used to watch Dan from his other world, he'd always wished he could step in and help when Dan did silly things like nearly burning himself with his soup as he let the pan nearly overflow onto the ground. Now, Phil was able to quickly conjure up a bowl, taking the saucepan from Dan entirely, all while continuing to clean his face as if nothing had happened at all.

"I've noticed," Phil commented wryly. "I don't know how you've survived this long," he tacked on, glowing with pride as he realized he was one step closer to showing Dan how he could be useful in Dan's life. His heart swelled happily, and he purred quietly as his magic sent the saucepan to the sink, and Dan's bowl gently into Dan's hands.

"They're not... exactly clouds as you know them," Phil corrected, standing and jumping down from the counter to follow Dan as he grabbed a spoon and headed out into his living room. "Like I said, that's just the closest counterpart I could think of. If you've ever touched an actual cloud, you'd understand why I picked it. Our food sources are far more ranged in colour, though, and are rather abundant. They carry all the nutritional value a familiar could need, but they're useless to us once we've been accepted by our witch," he explained.

Dan sniffed primly, carrying his bowl through to the living room with his nose in the air. Phil might well have noticed he could be clumsy and distracted, but Phil could hardly talk. In fact, he said as much. "Really, Phil, you can't tell _me_ off for spilling things. How many times have I rescued you from my greenhouse now? Plus, you literally threw me across the garden the first time I saw you."

He settled onto the sofa in his living room, patting the cushion next to him for Phil to jump up and join him. It was nice to have Phil's warm, black body curled up next to him, purring so softly that Dan wasn't even sure he was aware he was doing it. This side of companionship, Dan could get used to. Usually, he would eat a quick dinner over a book or a new recipe, never really switching off from work until sleep literally drove him to it. This was different, though. Having Phil with him was taking Dan's mind away from his bubbling cauldron, and instead onto newer, nicer customs.

"That's fascinating," he murmured, trying and failing to picture the clouds Phil talked about. "Do you need them now? Seeing as - ah - as I haven't technically accepted you yet." He tread carefully around this topic, knowing it was a sensitive one, but still not fully sure how he was going to be able to decide.

Twenty-four hours. He'd agreed to give Phil twenty-four hours. Dan would stick by that promise.

"Could you maybe...show me?" Dan asked, glancing shyly over at Phil. "The clouds, I mean. I'm having a hard time picturing them, and I want to see how they work. Could you..." He gestured vaguely between his and Phil's head. "Could you do that mind thing and show me?"

Phil's hackles rose in embarrassment at the reminder of what he'd done, and he would have shrunk back if he wasn't so desperate to keep up with Dan, so instead, he jumped up on the sofa cushion offered to him and pressed himself against Dan's leg, curling up soft and small there instead. He would have preferred Dan's lap, but Dan had a bowl of soup there.

"I didn't _mean_ to!" he complained. "I was just scared. Familiar magic is sensitive to our feelings. I hadn't intended to blast you back," he muttered, ears flattening as he ducked his face against his paws, absolutely refusing to look at Dan at all now for embarrassing him. Usually, Phil might have denied any guilt at all, but he truly felt awful for what he'd done to Dan that day. Still, Phil didn't stop purring, as if felt too wonderful to be right next to Dan like this. Not only that, but Dan had _invited_ him here.

"It's alright," Dan reassured Phil when he saw how he was hiding behind his paws. Admittedly, he looked really cute when he was all curled up like that, even if he was looking uncomfortable and sad. Dan reached out to give him another little pat on the back. "I know it must have been overwhelming. I was going into shock, so I don't blame you for reacting the way you did."

Phil was able to relax a little at that, and he pressed his chin over his paws a little more comfortably.

"I don't need the clouds now. I'm not hungry. I ate while you were away at work," Phil admitted, rolling a little so he was more sprawled along the line of Dan's leg and he could stare up at Dan from his back. "I think they're more filling than human food, as you eat far more often than I do," he explained, enjoying Dan's clear interest in Phil's world. It was a bonding experience, and Phil knew how much Dan needed that. He didn't seem able to accept Phil without knowing him a little first.

He did startle a little at Dan _asking_ for them to do the mind thing, though. There was something analytical and curious in his expression that told Phil that he meant it, that curiosity and the need to understand things was a driving force for Dan, and he swallowed thickly before nodding his head shortly.

"I'd be more than happy to show you," he said, and closed his eyes, trying to nudge against Dan's shields just enough to get his attention. Phil hadn't bothered with shields since last night, though originally he hadn't wanted to overwhelm Dan with his thoughts and memories. Dan's shields were strong enough to keep him out, though. "I'll just...focus on the clouds. And that's all you should see, if you lower your shields just a little bit," he murmured, heart racing as he anticipated that first stroke that told Phil Dan was there, in his mind.

Dan finished up his soup and set the bowl down on the floor before settling down into his cushions. He was a little bit nervous about opening up the bond again, and was reassured when Phil told him it would just be the thought of the clouds that would slip through. He was really curious about how the magic worked, how the clouds could possibly be substantial enough to eat. So, nervously, he closed his eyes and lowered his shields, slowly and carefully.

The nudge of Phil was there, buzzing away at the back of his mind, but where Dan would usually back off in fear and throw his shields back up instead, he held himself in place and shivered, letting Phil in.

The image hung there, between them, and Dan was relieved when Phil didn't deepen the bond any further. Instead, Dan was flooded with an image of the other world he'd caught a glimpse of last time. This time, though, he could do more than simply observe - he was looking with Phil's eyes, sensing the way he moved, the way he existed. He wasn't made of the same matter as Dan. And the clouds...they were all different colours, greens and reds and yellows and bright fluorescent oranges with muted blues and purples. Each one was a different flavour, apparently. And they weren't clouds like Dan knew - they were a mass of vapour, but more solid somehow, mixing with the essence of the familiars. It was entirely alien, and breathtakingly beautiful.

 _Wow_ , Dan thought, letting it slip into Phil's mind rather than speaking out loud. _This is beautiful. It's stunning! Don't you miss it?_

It felt so good to have Dan's mind touching his again. It wasn't as amazing as when Dan had gone so deep their souls had touched, but it was better than when Dan pet him, and it felt like the best kind of familiarity. Phil felt accepted, then, despite Dan not having done so yet. He felt like he belonged. He rolled into Dan, nuzzled at his leg with his face, purred louder because he could. He couldn't explain why this made him so happy, but he thought it was because he felt complete.

The tickle of Dan's voice in his mind made him want to weep with joy, and he sighed out something exuberant into Dan's mind, unable and unwilling to hide his joy at that feeling. It just felt so good.

He didn't even have to consider Dan's words before he was answering. _No, because I have you. That's all I've ever wanted in life._

Dan was a bit blown away by that response. Phil sounded so _sure_ , so certain in his desire to be with Dan. Dan honestly didn't know what he'd ever done to deserve such blind faith. Basically all he'd given Phil so far was anger and upset and pain, so it was still a shock to see just how much Phil truly wanted to be with him. Dan could feel it in the way Phil was rolled so trustingly onto his back, pressed right up against Dan's side, purring loudly.

Dan jolted when Phil answered by speaking directly into his mind through their bond, but he tried to stop himself from automatically recoiling. Instead, he settled himself back against the bond, daring to nudge a little more, to let Phil know he was still there. He'd said he'd try, for twenty-four hours, and from the loud purrs he could tell that Phil appreciated this.

 _I'm going to try and be right for you_ , Dan promised. _Now I see what you're giving up. I want to understand you, to learn more about you. Can you do that? Can you teach me?_

It didn't make sense to Phil that Dan thought he needed to _try_ and be right for him, but at the same time, there was a part of him that thought he understood. Dan was so awed by Phil's world, the things he saw in Phil's mind about it, and didn't seem to have very much confidence or understanding of anything that had to do with familiars. It was clear he didn't think he was suited to be anyone's companion, had made it clear that he didn't want that, and yet here he was, wanting to try.

Phil could feel his sincerity, just leaking through in the way he nudged at Phil to reassure him that he was still there, that he was still open - at least a little bit.

 _I can teach you everything,_ he vowed, feeling his heart swell with the want of that. _I was made for you, Dan. You being happy makes me happy. That's all I need in life. It's as simple as that._

Dan was melting a little bit at those words, no matter that they still scared the life out of him. He was completely in over his head, thrust into a world he'd never experienced and never thought about before, with a relationship he'd never thought would be right for him. Dan had never sought companionship. He was solitary, and liked it that way, but here was a Phil who had turned up and flipped everything on its head.

Dan was still conflicted about that, honestly, but some aspects of this he was enjoying. Like having a purring Phil pressed up against him. Like seeing a different world through his eyes, with all kinds of fascinating new things to learn and discover and study. Dan lived for that - to further his knowledge of the world.

 _I'd like you to teach me_ , Dan confessed quietly. _I'd like you to stick around long enough for that_. But then, terrified that he was erring a bit too close to full acceptance of Phil when Dan still wasn't ready for anywhere near that kind of commitment, he pulled himself out of their bond again and rebuilt his shields, hiding behind them, sheltering in his safe little corner. He still didn't much like the idea of Phil getting into his head, invading his private areas. Dan had never had to open up to anyone before.

Worried he'd hurt Phil by withdrawing so suddenly, Dan laid a large palm against Phil's back again and stroked him lightly, saying aloud, "I'm sorry. I...this is going to take a lot of getting used to, for me." He shifted his hand to scratch behind Phil's ear, back in that spot Dan knew he liked. "Maybe we can start properly tomorrow? I'll have you in my office with me and you can help me with my recipes and teach me about your magic. If you want to, I mean. I'd love to learn about it."

Phil shivered as Dan whispered the words into his mind, accepting that it might be a long while before Dan actually _accepted_ him properly. He didn't know how long he had before his magic decided he'd been rejected, but being around Dan was helping. Being around Dan was keeping him calm, and if teaching Dan would help him to understand, to _want_ Phil, then Phil would do it, no matter how long it took.

It hurt a little to have Dan shove the shields back in place though, like a slamming door in Phil's face, and he startled, but accepted his fate, sighing a little as opened his eyes to peer up at Dan properly again. He had the most beautiful brown eyes. Was that what Dan meant about attraction? Phil still didn't know, but just looking at Dan made him feel happy, content. He could do this. He would do anything to prove to Dan that Phil wasn't so terrifying after all.

"It's okay. I understand," Phil murmured, soothed by the way Dan's hand stroked over his fur, his fingers dug just behind his ear scratching that spot Phil could never quite reach and making him feel perfect. "I'll show you you can trust me."

He purred more quietly now, soaking up the warmth of Dan. "I want to show you everything. We'll work tomorrow," he agreed, and then closed his eyes to nuzzle into Dan. It only took him a few more seconds to realise there was a much more comfortable spot available to him now, and then he was getting up, shaking himself, and climbing back into Dan's lap. He walked in a small circle, kneaded at Dan's legs to make him presentable, and then curled up in his lap again, his head lolling against Dan's stomach where he could feel each breath he took as a reminder that Dan was _here_.

Lazy by nature, Phil allowed himself to doze there, just content in the feeling of Dan stroking over his fur.

Dan arched a brow, looking down at where Phil had made himself quite comfortable on Dan's lap. By the way Phil had kneaded his paws and swished his tail, it was evident that he was making Dan as comfortable as possible and making him quite right for Phil's taste. Dan wasn't exactly sure how to feel about that. He hadn't ever planned for his life goal to become the most comfortable seat for cats to sleep on.

Still, Phil was warm and soft and cute as he curled up in a little ball on Dan's thighs, head pressed against Dan's stomach. He'd made himself quite at home, too, eyes closed as he dozed.

Dan stared down at him, the corners of his lips threatening to tug upwards. As it was, he let out a put-upon sigh. "Excuse me. I don't remember agreeing to being used as a human pillow." There was a warm humour to his words, though, and he couldn't quite stop himself from placing his hand back against Phil's fur. It was wonderfully soft fur, after all, and felt so nice under the pads of his fingers. He could feel Phil's every breath, heard the little patter of his heart racing away, and it was comforting to feel Phil so alive beside him, just as Phil could hear Dan's breathing.

No matter how unprepared Dan was for this, he couldn't deny that there was something uniquely _right_ about having Phil by his side. Like there'd been a hole in Dan's life he hadn't realised needed filling, that he'd been doing just fine without. Only now there was a Phil there to point it out to him.

Dan shook his head, trying to stop his brain from catapulting back into its circles of overthinking. It was all too easy for him to get sucked into dangerous cycles of negativity and over-thinking, and he didn't want that to spoil this moment with Phil. So, instead, he forced himself to focus on the soft fur against him, and the happy little purring noise Phil made when Dan scratched behind his ear.

After several quiet, peaceful moments, Dan murmured, "I know _you're_ comfortably asleep, but I do need to go to bed at some point." He hesitated again, unsure whether or not to bring up sleeping arrangements. Phil had made it rather clear that he wanted to stay near Dan at all times, but Dan wasn't entirely sure Phil understood the implications of that. He hadn't understood why seeing people naked was bad, anyway.

Then, Dan told himself off for being an idiot. Phil was a _cat_ , at least for now. Cats slept on beds all the time. Just - just not Dan's bed, usually.

In the end, Dan told himself to stop overthinking again and instead blurted out, "You can come with me. If you like. Or I can make you up a bed again out here, or downstairs, if you'd prefer." He had a feeling he already knew the answer, but figured it was better to at least offer Phil the chance to pick the route most suited to his position. Besides, it wasn't like Dan had a clue what he was doing.

Phil's lips twitched, as did his whiskers, as Dan teased him, but he didn't bother to reply, merely purring softly as Dan continued to pet him. It was nice enough just to be pressed against him, and he could hear in Dan's voice that he wasn't _really_ complaining, so Phil ignored it, yawning widely as Dan complained about needing to get into bed eventually. Phil couldn't help thinking about all the time's he'd seen Dan just slump over on his desk and sleep there, but didn't bring it up, as it had been something the last few week's he'd wanted to fix for Dan.

He should sleep in an actual bed, or he could get sick, or sore. Phil didn't want that for him.

At the offer of either sleeping with Dan in his bed, or staying downstairs on his sofa or whatever Dan might make him to help him get comfortable, Phil easily leapt at the chance to sleep with Dan, but he hesitated even as his eyes fluttered open. He stared up at Dan's awkward expression, and sighed.

"I'd like to come with you, but I don't think you're comfortable with that, Dan. You can be honest with me. What would you prefer?"

Dan furrowed his brows when Phil peered up at him. Was he really that obvious? Dan was discomforted, yes, but he didn't want Phil suffering for that. He'd said he'd try for twenty-four hours, and didn't that mean letting Phil in completely? Even to the point where Dan was uncomfortable?

...Or would that just turn out worse for the both of them in the future?

Dan sighed, knowing he shouldn't push himself too far. Having another living being in his flat was already terrifying enough, he wasn't really ready yet to have to share his living and sleeping space. Dan didn't like being open. He didn't like being forced into sharing something that he'd always intended to keep private. He just didn't want to hurt Phil any more than he already inadvertently had - it wasn't _Phil's_ fault that Dan apparently didn't know how to do basic levels of interaction, after all.

"You got me," he admitted after a moment, his hand dropping from Phil's fur. "This is a bit much. But I said I'd try, that I'd give you a proper chance for these twenty-four hours. I'm willing to play by your rules. Up to a point." After all, Dan wasn't about to let down all his shields and have Phil scampering about in the most private places of his mind. Some boundaries had to stay in place.

Dan grimaced a bit, already worried about ruining the tentative peace he'd made with Phil. Dan had seen for himself that familiars could be volatile, and he didn't want to risk making Phil upset or angry. Plus, there was a tiny, quiet part of Dan that actually wanted to make Phil happy, that considered that this new situation maybe wasn't as bad as Dan was making it out to be.

Dan wasn't ready to listen to that little part of himself yet, though.

"If it's alright by you," Dan eventually said softly, "I think I'd be more comfortable with you out here. I can make you up a blanket nest again, if you like. I do want you to be uncomfortable, I just..." He trailed off, not quite sure how to explain that he wasn't ready yet. Something in Dan just didn't know how to act in this kind of scenario, didn't know how to be close, how to share his life. He didn't _want_ to. He was happy with how things were.

He just hadn't quite worked out yet where Phil fit in, if he did at all.

It was more disappointing to have Dan stop petting him than it was to have Dan essentially reject Phil from his bed, as the comfort of Dan touching him really helped with those little rejections, but Phil wasn't going to complain even as he stopped purring and got up a little, sat more on Dan's thigh and ready to move the second Dan looked like he wanted Phil to do so.

"There aren't any rules to play by. There are things I want, crave, but there are no rules. This... this is supposed to be about what we both want, but mostly you. I exist to make you happy," Phil tried to explain again, trying to emphasise what he'd grown up knowing. Phil couldn't be happy unless Dan was. That's what all the familiars had told him. Phil was supposed to be Dan's perfect match in every way, there shouldn't be any problems.

Even now the words sounded... incomplete, though. It was beginning to dawn on Phil how different actually finding your witch was to being told what to do and what it would be like when you did.

Still, he held his ground, nodding when Dan asked if it was okay if Phil stayed in the living room.

"Can I have a lot of blankets, please?" he asked. "I like to bury myself in them, if that's okay."

Phil waited in the living room when Dan excused himself, sighing and settling down alone for the first time in Dan's flat. He curled into himself, and suddenly realized just how small he actually was. Without Dan at his side, Phil felt... lonely. It was good because he could sense Dan was nearby, but... looking out at the big room around him, Phil suddenly realized just how little and insignificant he really was.

He tried to shake the thoughts away, buried his face into his paws, and waited sadly for Dan to come back. When he heard his return, he shuffled into a more pleasant appearing position, and stared up at Dan as if nothing was wrong.

"Thank you," he murmured as Dan dropped the blankets onto the sofa for Phil. "Just leave them in a bundle. I'll make myself comfortable," he promised. "The best part is moving them around myself."

Dan frowned a bit, even as he dropped the blankets down on the sofa in the pile Phil had said he wanted. Dan wasn't stupid - he could sense that this wasn't what Phil wanted. Phil kept stressing how he was here to make Dan happy, but Dan just couldn't accept that. The idea that another being's sole purpose could be to make him happy just felt...wrong. What about what made Phil happy? Surely Phil had to have some purpose outside Dan?

Or maybe not. Maybe Dan just didn't understand anything about this world.

He worried his lower lip, unsure about how to handle this situation. He couldn't leave Phil like this, sad and uncomfortable, but how was he supposed to make it better? Dan couldn't give Phil what he wanted. Not yet. He couldn't just open himself up to a stranger he knew nothing of.

So, hard as it was, Dan took Phil at face value and nodded, stepping back. "Okay. I'll just be in my room - if you need anything, come and get me." He paused again, unsure, and reached out to scratch once more behind Phil's ear before he forced his back to turn and headed back into his room.

The offer to go and find Dan if Phil needed him was sincere, but also somewhat reluctant. Staring up at Dan, Phil could see that he was exhausted, drained. Having someone else in his life was so obviously not something Dan was used too. The collision of memories Phil had been given upon their immediate bond were mostly vague thoughts and feelings that helped shape who Dan was in Phil's mind, but he couldn’t focus on any of them enough to _see_ Dan, to see if he'd ever had any form of companion. From what Phil could tell, Dan had always been a loner.

So he decided that if he needed something, he'd do his best to find it himself, rather than bother a clearly overwhelmed Dan. Despite leaning into Dan's final scratch behind his ears, Phil slumped over in relief once he was gone, and then crawled into his new blanket fort, burying himself underneath until only his tail was sticking out.

Then, he did his best to sleep.

Once the door was shut between him and Phil, Dan let out a quiet, relieved breath. As much as Phil was warm and happy and _right_ , Dan couldn't give up so much of his privacy without feeling exhausted. Having a moment to himself was enough to calm him down.

But as he settled into his bed, it took Dan a long time to be comfortable. He couldn't stop thinking about Phil alone in the other room, and how it felt weirdly...wrong to be separated.

Dan was unsettled, and as such, it took him a long time to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan hadn't slept well. Every time he got close to dropping off, his brain helpfully supplied him with the memory that Phil was right next door, sitting among his things, and then Dan was wide awake again. He was completely torn between wanting to go and check that Phil was comfortable, and wanting to kick him out and forget he'd ever existed. This was a strange limbo to be living in. Dan was mostly confused.

As dawn started to break, Dan debated with himself whether or not to just get up now and get it over with. He'd hardly slept, but he wasn't alien to a lost night's sleep, not when he often let his work catch up on him. Plus, the idea of having Phil wake up before him and then going off scampering around the flat by himself was disconcerting enough to have Dan getting out of bed and dragging on the first clothes he saw. Long black robes with the green lining that marked him as a healer, a potion-maker, were thrown on over the top and Dan stumbled his way out of his room.

The first thing he did was check on Phil, despite the hunger gnawing at his stomach. He tiptoed to the sofa on tenterhooks, as if worried that Phil was going to have burnt a hole through his sofa in the night or somehow magicked away his entire flat. Dan wouldn't put it past him.

But no, Phil was still there, curled up in a little ball under the blankets with his face shoved deep inside the little nest he'd made for himself. Dan's chest gave a weird tug at the sight. Upon looking at Phil, a weird flood of something close to relief washed through Dan, and he let out a tiny, relaxed breath.

Until Phil opened his eyes with an adorable little sneeze and instantly threw himself backwards into Dan's table.

Morning dawned bright and early, with Phil snuffling into the blankets and sneezing once, forcing himself to unbury his head and blink blearily out at the way the sun shone through Dan's curtains lightly. Phil could see the dust motes, tail swishing lazily, and he rolled over only to find Dan was already standing over him, looking like he had just been about to wake Phil up.

Panicked, Phil sneezed again, only this time, it threw him backwards and into Dan's table, where he collided and fell with a distressed yowl. He was quick to scramble to his feet, panting as he stared up at Dan in embarrassment and chagrin.

"I didn't hear you get up," he stated calmly, doing his best to appear calm and not as if he'd just thrown himself at Dan's table.

Dan snorted with laughter that only increased at the way Phil was trying to nonchalantly act like nothing had happened. His lips twitched, eyes glittering, and any fear he may have felt was quickly dissipating at the sight of Phil's own haphazard clumsiness.

Maybe they were built for each other after all.

"I've been up for a while now," Dan said, trying to keep a straight face, only to quickly dissolve into laughter again. "Do you have a natural love of my dining table, Phil?" He shook his head almost fondly, jerking his head for Phil to follow him on the way over to the kitchen.

Phil frowned as Dan laughed at him, and pouted at his witch, wishing he had arms to cross over his chest like Dan did in order to get his point across that he was not in the least bit amused the way Dan clearly was. He'd thought he'd made it pretty clear he didn't want to talk about the clumsy way he reacted whenever Dan startled him, but apparently not if Dan was laughing at him. Putting his nose in the air, Phil stalked past Dan, about to jump back up into his nest of blankets, but Dan was quick to interrupt him by jerking his hand in a motion for Phil to follow him.

Embarrassment and annoyance momentarily gone at the chance to do anything with Dan, Phil scurried to chase after him back into the kitchen. His tail swayed happily behind him. "I don't know what you're talking about," Phil complained, but otherwise didn't acknowledge Dan's words, easily jumping back up on top of the counter from yesterday the way he knew Dan probably wanted him to do. He didn't mind so much. He quite liked being up there, able to look out over Dan's home. Not to mention, it brought him closer to Dan's height, and offered the possibility of Dan actually petting him some more.

Dan paused, then. Already his routine was being disturbed - ordinarily, he'd be grabbing a snack and going straight downstairs to his desk to eat as he opened up shop, but it didn't feel quite right to do that when he had Phil here. Plus, Dan wasn't sure exactly what to do with Phil all day. He recoiled at the thought of anyone else finding out about him, which meant Dan was going to have to hide Phil away, which would be difficult with PJ around to assist him.

He kept those thoughts to himself, checking that his shields were firmly in place, and instead plastered a smile onto his face. "Will you want breakfast, or did you eat your clouds again during the night?"

Frowning as Dan asked whether Phil had eaten or not yet, Phil suddenly realized that he was actually starting to get hungry again. It had been quite some time now since he'd eaten last. He didn't want to leave Dan's side though, even to pop back home and eat really quick. He studied Dan's expression, realized that maybe Dan needed a little more time by himself, and then sighed.

"I haven't eaten. Maybe... maybe I should pop back for a little bit. Uhm. Give you time to have your breakfast and get ready for the day. Is that alright?" Phil asked, wanting Dan to be prepared to spend the next few hours with him.

Dan bit his lip when Phil offered him a way out for a little while. He kind of wanted to jump on the opportunity to be alone, for however short a time, but he had a feeling that Phil was only offering because he thought Dan wanted it. If it was down to Phil, they'd probably be spending every waking minute around each other. Dan almost shuddered, but held himself back. He'd promised Phil twenty-four hours, and he was going to make good on that promise.

"You don't have to," he shrugged, trying to seem light-hearted. "I mean, you should go and eat if you're hungry, but don't go on my account. I promised you twenty-four hours to do things your way, I'm going to stick to that. I'm just...not exactly sure _how_."

Phil fixed Dan with an unrelenting gaze, attempting to read him. His tail swished agitatedly, and his lips were pursed in a sad little line, but it was mostly because he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with Dan. He understood that Dan needed some time alone, but he seemed reluctant to take it, and he was holding so tight to their deal that Phil could only think how to relieve him of it.

Dan sighed as he poured himself some cereal, opting to eat it dry rather than add milk. He glanced at Phil still sitting on the counter, watching him intently, and almost flinched at that constant blue gaze. Why did Dan get the feeling that he couldn't hide much from Phil? That Phil would always be watching him for any signs of discomfort?

Maybe honesty was the best way forward here, as alien to Dan as it was.

"The thing is," Dan started to explain, "I'm just...not sure how to go about this. You can definitely help me down in the shop, I've got a bunch of potions to make and only so much time to do it in, but...well...I don't exactly want you around the customers." He grimaced at how that sounded. "Not that I don't trust you, just, I don't know how to _explain_ you. Especially to my regulars."

Dan sighed again, not quite daring to glance at Phil for fear of what he'd see. He hoped he wasn't being offensive, though he knew he more than likely was. Phil was probably going to think Dan was ashamed of him, but honestly, Dan just didn't know how to fit someone else into his daily routine. Dan was very set in his ways, and introducing anything to disrupt that balance threw him off.

"I'm not trying to be difficult," Dan finished quietly, "I just don't know how to fit you in."

Phil didn’t so much as get a chance to speak, to ask if Dan was okay and tell him that he really _didn’t_ have to take the twenty-four hours thing quite as seriously as he seemed to be if it was going to make him uncomfortable, before Dan was suddenly bursting out a slew of honesty which actually calmed Phil down. He stood up, happy because he had a solution to Dan’s issue and a way to help him relax.

“Look, Dan. I like being around you, more than I like being alone, but you don’t have to figure out how to fit me into everything in your life,” he explained. “I want to spend time with you, yes, and especially right now, because I’ve only just got you, but. I’m not so needy or clingy that I need to spend every waking second with you. I can see you’re unused to having so much company, and that’s fine. I hope to maybe get the chance to one day not feel like overwhelming company, but for the time being, I don’t have to be at your side twenty-four seven.”

Phil gave Dan a meaningful look, almost wanting to release him from their deal, but unsure if that would mean Dan would reject him outright since he hadn’t had a chance to get to know Phil yet.

“As for not wanting customers to see me, that’s fine. Some witches and familiars are more private. If that’s what you want, we can have that. I can just as easily pop in and out of rooms as need be. No one will see me if that’s not what you want. I don’t feel that you’re ashamed of me. Our situation is a hard one to explain.”

Dan visibly relaxed as Phil reassured him that he didn't need to be around constantly, no matter what their deal was. He let out a relieved breath. Dan hadn't even realised just how tense he'd been getting at the idea of having to spend all his time with Phil again instead of getting his own space like he usually did. An entire weight lifted off his shoulders with the reassurance that Phil wasn't going to force that kind of relationship on him straight away.

Dan still felt a little bad, but he was going to take this opportunity as Phil seemed so calm about it.

"In that case," and Dan was smiling properly now, "Would you mind popping back to your own world to eat? I'll meet you downstairs in my office as soon as I've opened up. If you just...go there, however it is you travel, then no one should see you. I'm the only one with the key."

It was a relief to have Dan being open with him, enough to relax Phil and reassure him that everything was going to be all right, and it allowed him to feel safe enough to voice an agreement with Dan before leaving the flat with a small pop to return to his world.

Once Phil had agreed and gone, Dan let out another relieved breath, sagging back against the kitchen counter. His flat was his again. He smiled. Not having to watch his every word for fear of offending Phil was already making him much more relaxed, and Dan started to feel better as he finished up his cereal and dropped the bowl in the sink.

The room did feel a little emptier than before, and Dan missed the purring, but he recognised how much better he felt in his own space. His walls were closing in again and he was back in his safe little corner. As such, it was much easier to go about his day.

Phil’s tail was swishing happily now that he seemed to have finally done something right for Dan, and he was humming as he appeared in his world, a smile curving his lips. He was so relaxed, that for the first time in what felt like a long time his magic wasn’t going crazy.

This felt right. While Phil had heard a thousand times over that most familiars never left their witches’ sides, and while he'd always assumed he'd never want to be away from his witch once he finally found him, Phil felt happier like this. He was giving Dan the space he needed, and while he craved the company of his witch knowing how limited their time may be, he knew in the long run that this would be for the best. Maybe, if Dan accepted him, Phil might even make friends in the human world so he wouldn't have to be lonely when Dan needed his space.

The other familiars approached Phil cautiously as he purred and went about eating his breakfast. Phil turned to them, purr growing louder, and smiled.

_Have you been accepted?_ one asked.

_No, but I am content. We're learning each other,_ Phil explained. One of his fellow felines rubbed up against his side, causing Phil's skin to prickle, and he looked at them as they congratulated him, smiling and ducking his head as he realised that things were far better than they'd once been.

_Where's Mikel?_ he asked, suddenly reminded of him and all that he’d done for Phil. _I want to thank him_ , he said, purring quietly and already looking around, realizing that Mikel was usually around at this time of day with the other felines, eating breakfast together after waking from a long nap. He didn't immediately spot the large black and grey tiger, though, and frowned as he turned back to his friends.

Their expressions told him everything.

_It's how he wanted to go_ , one said. _He saved his witch. It's all any of us could ask for._

Their voice was low, mourning, and Phil realized then the heavy atmosphere pressing around him. He’d been so wrapped up in himself, the way he always seemed to be lately, that he hadn’t even _noticed_ when he’d come home. He’d been too exalted with the happy feeling of finally doing something right to realize that things were very _wrong_ here at home.

Blinking rapidly, Phil stared from one furry face to another, his purr petering out quite slowly as it all began to hit him at once.

Mikel was gone, and he was not coming back.

Phil’s friend was gone, taken before his time, before he could ever even meet his witch properly, and it somehow didn’t matter to Phil in that moment that he’d gone the way he’d wanted to go because all Phil could think was that Mikel had deserved better.

Strong, kind Mikel, who treated the rest of him like his family.

How could he be gone?

Phil walked away from his fellow familiars slowly, in a daze, and he ate without thinking, without tasting, paws holding numbly to the cotton blobs in front of him. He chewed at them with teeth that felt like they didn’t work, and swallowed without thought, and mourned the loss of one of the best familiars he had ever had the grace to know.

The pain of losing Mikel seemed to wipe out everything else.

When Phil was done eating, he shook off his fur, and cowered from his fellow mourners. Their pain echoed through their domain, and it hurt Phil’s ears, hurt his heart, enough that he didn’t wait around to say goodbye. Instead, he popped back to his new home, and, because he didn’t want to disturb Dan, popped into his office rather than his flat, just as he’d asked.

Phil whimpered as he mourned, settling down on top of Dan’s desk in a curled little heap begging for the safety and quiet of his witch’s presence. The scent of him in his office would have to be enough for now, and Phil slept, as best as he could, on and off while he waited for Dan to be ready to spend the day with him.

After breakfast, Dan slipped down the stairs of his flat and was greeted by the familiar, cold aisles of his apothecary shop. The shelves were all stocked - PJ had done a good job of keeping things under control while Dan was busy dealing with the sudden arrival of his familiar - and the silence was comfortable. Dan set about his usual routine, flipping casual fingers at the various stoves to get the fires started. The air started to warm up just as Dan went behind the counter and opened up the register for the day.

PJ arrived a few minutes later and took up the place behind the counter, so Dan disappeared back into his greenhouse to check on his plants again. Hiring PJ had been one of the best decisions Dan had ever made. PJ was much more personable than he was, and Dan had always felt awkward dealing with the footfall of customers during the day. He was better off back in his office, working on new recipes and putting together some of the more popular draughts, and he only really had to venture out when they were running a clinic to see people face-to-face.

As such, Dan’s greenhouse had become his shelter. He took pride in the plants he grew, the herbs he tended to, and was striving to become entirely self-sufficient as soon as he could. Stepping inside the greenhouse had him relaxing straight away, any and all worried about a black cat invading his life slipping easily away. His shields were in place and he was safe. Dan glanced around his plants with a small smile, and set about his usual duties of tending to them.

The dragonplant was thriving, as per usual. But Dan wasn’t going to think about what that might imply.

Dan stayed in his greenhouse until he felt calm, more like himself again. He wasn't quite aware of how much time passed while he tended his plants, but he felt much better afterwards, much calmer and at home. He returned to the shop once he was finished, humming softly to himself. With a quick wave to PJ, Dan went to his office and unlocked the door, opening it carefully and stepping inside. Everything looked the same - his desk with the proud, high-backed chair behind it, the fireplace set back in the wall with his cauldron set above it, and the endless recipes and parchments and books littered about the desk and lining the walls.

And there was a cat curled up asleep on the desk.

"Hello," Dan greeted quietly, much more relaxed this time. "Have you had a good morning?"

Phil’s whiskers twitched when Dan returned, radiating a new calmness. Phil's eyes opened slowly as he took his figure in; tall, and masculine, and strong, everything that Phil needed just then.

He wanted to cling to his witch, to ask him to hold him while he mourned, to take in that strength Phil needed so much, but he knew it would be too much for Dan just then. Instead, Phil let his eyes half close so he could take in all of Dan and soak up what he could of him without giving himself away or making Dan uncomfortable.

It was soothing, just having him near, and was a stark reminder that this was what Mikel had wanted. He had been the one to push Phil into fixing things with Dan, into trying to make their relationship _work_ , and now, instead of moping about, he needed to make Mikel proud.

If there was one way to honor his friend, Phil knew it would be working to face this day, working to have what Mikel had never had, until that very last moment of his life.

"It was fine," Phil responded, closing his eyes again to have a moment to compose himself.

Dan arched a brow at Phil's less-than-enthusiastic response. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, exactly - maybe excited purring and tail-wagging and some more of his possessions being knocked over - but what he got instead was a slightly sad tail flick and Phil closing his eyes again. Dan certainly didn't believe that he was fine.

The buzz of their bond was still nudging away at the back of his mind, and for a moment Dan considered lowering his shields to explore it and find out if Phil was telling the truth, but that felt a bit like an invasion. Never mind that Dan didn't want Phil back in his mind again yet.

Instead, he approached his desk slowly and lifted a hand to scratch behind Phil's ear again. "Are you sure? You seem a bit...quiet." Dan flapped a hand, not quite sure how to explain the sadness radiating off Phil. Dan bit his lip. "I'm sorry I made you go away. I didn't want to upset you."

It was instinct to lean into Dan's touch, and so Phil responded easily and quickly, arching his head into the touch of Dan's fingers. His paws tightened their grip on Dan's desk, nails digging in, and he made a small displeased noise. He hadn't wanted to bring his troubles and sadness to Dan, but it was hard not to when Dan was assuming the worst in the wrong way.

"You didn't upset me," he said, trying to reassure Dan. "I was happy to go back for a little while, and I needed to eat." Even he could tell his voice was still a little subdued, nothing like it had been before Dan had sent him away, and it seemed the only way Phil would convince Dan that things were okay would be to explain what had happened.

But he also didn't want to waste their limited time together pouting and mourning. Mikel would not want this.

"A very good friend of mine passed away. I only just found out."

Dan recoiled, a soft sound of regret escaping the back of his throat. He kept scratching behind Phil's ear, noticing how he arched his head into Dan's fingers.

"I'm sorry," Dan said softly. He hadn't even known Phil had friends - though he supposed he should have known, from the glimpses he'd seen of Phil's world. He remembered the mass of black bodies all pressed up together. Phil's kind. Of course Phil had friends from there, Dan should have known.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked after a moment of scratching Phil's ear. "Or not. I can distract you by showing you my magic, if you'd prefer. But if you want the day off then that's fine. We can...delay our stuff."

Phil's eyes slipped closed as Dan continued to scratch behind his ear, and he pushed until he was leaning his head on the table and forced Dan's hand to follow him. He really did enjoy the sensation, found it even more comforting than the soft touches of his own kind from earlier. Phil could feel Dan inadvertently lending Phil his strength, and that was everything that he ever could have needed.

His thought drifted back to his own world, and how they were all in mourning there, and found the thought was too heartbreaking to dwell on. At least Phil was lucky enough to have his witch here, to comfort him.

That was definitely not something Phil would ever miss about his own world. Visiting now, while he was still a familiar in limbo, was hard enough, but it was made worse by the fact the news of rejected or passed familiars spread like wildfire in a world where familiars had nothing better to do than watch. Often, Phil had envied those who’d been accepted, who _couldn’t_ return, because they could go on with their lives and _forget_. Not know. Be safe.

Phil still envied their ignorance.

"No. He wouldn't want me to mourn," Phil finally replied, getting up with a small sigh and shaking his body to shake away all of his negative thoughts and feelings. "He died the way he wanted too. He was just... a very good friend. A father figure, if you will."

It hurt, even now, knowing that Mikel had died without ever having gotten to meet his witch properly. Phil wondered if the witch was as devastated as the rest of them, or if he'd already pushed it away. Mikel had been adamant that his witch never wanted a familiar, but had it been different when the witch had finally met him, only to lose him on the same day?

Phil shuddered at the very thought of both their suffering.

"Besides. I promised to help with your potions. And Mrs Pritchard needs her remedy, remember?" Phil attempted to give Dan a wry smile, and jumped down from his desk. His own magic worked to swirl and drag out potion ingredients, collecting the mulkswood Phil had found last night as well as Dan's spell book and recipe folder. Phil didn't know exactly what he was doing, but he knew what Dan usually got out when he was preparing to work.

Dan blinked, watching as Phil somehow managed to conjure up everything he needed for his work that day. His spell book and recipes and ingredients were flying from their shelves and landing neatly on the desk, and Phil wasn't even looking bothered. Dan shook his head. Sometimes he forgot just what a powerful creature Phil was.

"If you're sure," Dan agreed, and he walked around the desk to take his seat. He pulled the mulkswood towards him and started crushing the leaves into a fine powder, not needing to consult the recipe seeing as he made Mrs Pritchard's remedy every week. "This one's quite simple. If I show you how to make it, you could do it for me while I work on some other things?"

He glanced at Phil, noting the slight dullness to his usually sharp blue gaze, and bit his lip. He didn't like seeing Phil upset, it made something weird swirl in his stomach. Phil should be happy and purring. He didn't like seeing him sad. "We can talk about it, if you want. It must be hard, losing a close friend." Dan couldn't really imagine it - he didn't really have anyone he was close to. PJ, maybe, but even then Dan kept a certain distance to their relationship. His family and he were on speaking terms, but Dan had been doing his own thing since he was sixteen and decided to go off and study potion-making. Dan didn't know exactly what Phil was going through just then, but he didn't like seeing Phil sad.

Phil was too busy scrounging around under another one of Dan's cabinets to bother watching him for the moment, though he did agree it was a good idea for him to go and watch Dan make the remedy so Phil could do it on his own. He was distracted, though, as he'd caught sight of something strange under the cabinet. He remembered Dan dropping it, but he'd never noticed what it was. Now, as he reached out for it with a paw that was just too short, he squeezed his head under to give himself more room. He'd only just managed to grab hold when the dust beneath made him sneeze, throwing him back against another cabinet. It wobbled dangerously, but didn't fall.

Head spinning for a second, Phil stood up on wobbly feet and picked up the item in his mouth. It was small and black, a ring now that Phil was able to see it properly, and he hopped up on top of Dan's desk once again to drop it by his hands.

"Yes, show me how to make it and I'll take care of it for you," he agreed, looking up at Dan softly. HIs heart wasn't completely in it, though, no matter how hard he tried.

He sighed as Dan offered for Phil to talk about it again, and considered it for a moment. Part of him wanted to, but the other part of him didn't want Dan to question why Mikel hadn't just...allowed himself to be rejected. He didn't want Dan to ask questions and realise the consequences to Phil being rejected.

So he decided to curb the truth.

"His name was Mikel. He was always very kind to me, and he taught me all of our world that he knew. He died protecting his witch. I know it's what he wanted, what any of us would do, but... it still hurts."

Phil shook himself. "I know he wouldn't want me to mourn him, though. He lived a happy life."

The last bit was almost an outright lie, but Phil pushed on, nudging at Dan's hand with his nose. "But anyway. What's this I found under your cabinet?"

Dan blinked, looking up when he heard the bump to see Phil sitting guiltily by one of his cabinets with it wobbling dangerously above him. Dan righted it with a quick flick of his fingers, hiding a tiny sigh. Phil was just as clumsy and curious as ever, then (and Dan would be blind not to notice that those were two traits that they shared. Maybe Phil really _was_ his spirit animal).

As Phil jumped back up next to him and started talking about his friend Mikel, Dan listened with growing interest. He wondered what the society was like in Phil's world - it sounded like Mikel was some kind of elder, or teacher maybe. Did they have a school? Was there an education, like here, or was their magic more instinctual? Dan was burning with questions, but he supposed now might not be the best time to talk about it. Not when Phil was mourning.

"He sounds wonderful," Dan supplied instead, wishing he had something more in depth to add. As it was, he just reached out and patted Phil's head with powdery hands, smiling a bit when Phil's ears went flat and he sneezed. He couldn't help it - Phil was kind of adorable.

At Phil's question, Dan turned his attention to the ring Phil had found under his cabinet, and blinked. "Oh, I lost that _ages_ ago. I thought I must have thrown it out. How on earth did you know where it was?" Dan shook his head, picking up the ring and holding it in his palm, the metal smooth and cold in his grip. "It's a charmed ring. I used to use it when I was casting healing spells, it can be quite good for improving the senses. Haven't needed it in a while, though, and I never bothered with replacing it because I just use potions instead most of the time. It's useful, though. Thanks." He smirked a little. "Even if you did nearly destroy my office to get it back."

Dan's hands were covered in powder as he reached out to pat Phil softly on the head, and while Phil closed his eyes in enjoyment, his nose clearly couldn't handle it, as he was almost immediately sneezing once more. This time at least, it wasn't quite so powerful that it threw him across the room, and he shook his head to clear the top of his ears of the powdery residue from Dan crushing up herbs.

"I guess I just... knew where it was," Phil explained awkwardly. He'd just had a sense of it, a vague memory of Dan dropping it, that he couldn't really place. He furrowed his brow for a moment, but got distracted quickly by Dan teasing him, and then he was just glaring, staring at Dan with affronted eyes.

"I did no such thing," he complained primly, reaching up to knock a paw against the top of his head to get the rest of the powder off. "And anyways, it's been returned to you now. I see no reason for complaint," he added, sniffing and turning in a way that made his tail bat against the back of Dan's hand. He stalked to the other side of the desk to get a good view, and then turned and sat. "Go on then. Show me how to make the healing remedy."

Dan snorted, unable to help himself at the offended way Phil stalked about his desk. He shook his head, smirking as Phil's tail whacked into his hand, and he watched with bright eyes as Phil settled himself opposite him and stared with baleful blue eyes. That gaze was so strong, Dan almost trembled.

"If you say so," he muttered, still smirking, and bounced the ring in his hand before sliding it into his pocket. "Right, okay then. This is quite a simple remedy, it's for mild pain relief for Mrs Pritchard's joints. I've already powdered the mulkswood, as you can see." Dan finished crushing up the leaves with his mortar and pestle, showing Phil the powdery contents and snorting when they made him sneeze again. "Okay, maybe don't get too close to the powder."

Dan placed the bowl down on the side of his desk furthest from Phil, and hunted through the many piles of recipes on his desk until he found the right one. This was Dan's natural talent, and he fell into the rhythm of it easily, feeling much more relaxed than he had since the first time Phil had showed up. Potion making always calmed him.

"This is what we're following," Dan explained, spinning the recipe around to show Phil. "Next, we have to add a tiny bit of milk from a poppy, some freshly cut dragonplant petals, and three cups of aromea draft, before heating it in the cauldron. Stir constantly until it turns a bright blue colour. I've got the ingredients all dried on that shelf over there, aside from the dragonplant which I'll go and cut in a moment." He smiled at Phil, relaxed. "Think you got that?"

Phil stared unblinking as Dan went over how to make the remedy with him, enjoying the way Dan's features had relaxed and his lips had turned up in the smallest hint of a smile. He seemed so at home and so at peace with potion making that Phil knew he would also be good at this. There was no way that wasn't what his magic was best at if Dan was so passionate about it.

"Got it," Phil agreed immediately, beginning to purr very quietly as he directed his attention to the dried herbs behind him in order to summon the materials over. The milk of the poppy was his favourite to look at, and he was walking around the bottle in little circles to try and follow the milky flow of its contents. He heard Dan laugh behind him, but didn’t react, just managing to stop himself before he reached out and smashed the glass with his paw, far too enamoured with a particularly wispy bit of milk to control himself from attacking it.

When Dan left to get the dragonplant, Phil very nearly stopped him, about to offer to do it himself since he could hop from place to place much faster than Dan, but decided against it at the last second in the fear that he might mess something up again if he went and retrieved it. Instead, he would wait until Dan had taught him a little bit more about potions and herb curing before he attempted to do something like that on his own.

Assuming they ever made it that far.

Phil sighed, but tried not to let that thought get to him as he went about measuring the contents they would need carefully into the cauldron. His magic was obedient to him now, and he thought it might be because he was feeling so calm. The minute that was done, however, Phil realized that he was… quite bored. He couldn’t start heating the potion until Dan returned, and there was nothing to watch in the meantime, so he let his mind and gaze wander a bit around Dan’s office before his gaze caught on something small and shiny on Dan’s floor.

He stared at it, tail swishing, and tried to tell himself to wait patiently and calmly for Dan, but it didn’t work, and before he knew it, he was jumping down off of Dan’s desk and walking over to the shiny thing that turned out to be a screw.

Phil fully intended to pick it up and retrieve it for Dan when he knocked his paw against it and it rolled.

Eyes lighting up despite himself, Phil felt his heart flip and wiggle in joy, and then he was knocking his paw into the little screw all over again, smiling with glee as it moved.

He really couldn't help himself after that.

He kept promising himself that he’d pick it up and return it for Dan, but then he’d hit it one more time with his paw, and it would go skittering across the room, and Phil would chase it because it was fun. It reminded him of all the times he’d played with his other feline friends back in his world, but almost better because there were no claws playfully batting back at him, and he was mostly in complete control.

Before Phil knew it, he found himself rolling on his back, tossing the screw into the air to play with it, and rolling again as it fell on him so he could jump back and attack it with soft paws and quiet growls.

His paw knocked into it, send it sprawling across the room faster than before, and Phil was quick to follow it, moving so fast he thought he might actually be a blur.

It didn't take Dan long to fetch the dragonplant from his greenhouse (and he had a vast choice of which petals to cut, what with the literal _forest_ he had of it growing now thanks to whatever Phil had done the first time he retrieved it for Dan), and he carried it carefully in its glass container back through to his office. He caught PJ's eye on his way past and smiled, relaxed, until PJ waved him over for help with a customer.

Dan sighed, but settled the dragonplant carefully on the side before going to help. There was a young woman in looking very embarrassed and asking for something to help her with fertility, which Dan only found out after several roundabout questions.

He sighed to himself, and thought not for the first time that he really needed to employ a woman to deal with this kind of thing, having picked up quite quickly that his female customers often times did not feel comfortable speaking to PJ _or_ Dan about these kinds of things, despite both of them being plenty qualified to deal with it. Dan could hardly blame them, though, when the thought of babies and what was needed to make them often made Dan feel quite uncomfortable himself.

As it was, Dan merely sighed and gave the  woman a type of seaweed that would help, explaining clinically exactly what to do, and she disappeared out of the shop with red cheeks and the seaweed tucked into her red cloak. Dan watched her leave with a mix of confusion and resignation. He'd never understood that side of people, but she wanted it, and he was here to serve his customers.

Dan retrieved his dragonplant again, carefully balancing the glass container between his palms, and opened his office door with a bump of his hip. It swung shut behind him with a creak. He turned to the desk, about to tell Phil about his giant crop of dragonplant, only to find that Phil wasn't there. Dan frowned, until he heard the sound of something clinking, and suddenly Phil was shooting across the ground and capturing something tiny and metal right in front of Dan's feet.

Dan squeaked, jumping into the air and very nearly dropping the dragonplant. He rescued it, clutching it tight to his chest, and stared down at Phil with an eyebrow cocked. "...Having fun?"

Phil was enjoying himself more than he’d ever thought he would, as he streaked back and forth across Dan’s office to chase the tiny, shiny piece of metal he’d found. His breathing was a bit laboured, but he was laughing as he went back and forth between purring and growling at the tiny object, pouncing around the room and throwing himself in the air backwards a few times to catch the metal he’d accidentally dislodged from the ground.

He’d just sent it skittering across to the floor towards the door again when said door opened, just in time for Phil to launch himself at the object. Too late to stop his momentum, Phil found himself crashing onto the floor right at Dan’s feet, lucky he hadn’t bowled into him completely, and rolled to stare ruefully up at Dan.

His expression dropped a bit as he realized he’d nearly made Dan drop his dragon plant. He hadn’t meant to do that.

His ears lay flat against his head as he peered up at Dan, suddenly cautious. His tail was still swishing happily because of the adrenaline in his veins, but he felt suitably cowed. "I'm sorry," he whispered, and picked the metal up in his mouth before backing up slowly, tail coiling around himself until he'd cornered himself against Dan's desk. There, he sat awkwardly, dropping the screw between his paws, and just stared.

"I was just - playing," he admitted, humiliated. At least he hadn't broken anything this time, but he _had_ nearly sent Dan's dragonplant tumbling to the ground. Phil didn't want to waste his supply. Dan had said last time that he had to keep it on order, and that he only got so much at once.

Dan arched a brow, watching with amusement as Phil scuttled back under his desk, looking suitably cowed. The screw was still between his paws, and as he admitted to just _playing_ , Dan chuckled lightly. He was maybe a little bit enamoured with that idea - with Phil getting excited and scampering about the place, his still-twitching tail testament enough to the amount of fun he'd been having.

"So I see," Dan replied, still grinning a bit. He carefully set the dragonplant down on his desk, checking it to make sure it wasn’t damaged - not that it would matter anymore, he had so much growing away in his greenhouse. "That's alright. As long as you don't permanently damage any of my furniture, you can play as much as you like. I'm sure we could find you a proper toy, though, rather than that little screw."

It took a minute for Phil to register the fact that Dan was smiling at him, and not staring with angry eyes the way Phil had thought beforehand, but when he did realize, he dropped the screw from his paws and kind of just...relaxed. The tension faded from his body and he was able to stand tall again, pleased to find that Dan wasn't angry with him. He'd been expecting Dan to tell him to stop acting like a child, for him to be angry that Phil had nearly destroyed his dragonplant again, but Dan didn't, and it was overwhelmingly relaxing.

Until Dan said something that implied Dan was keeping him, and then Phil's heart was back to racing, and his eyes were wide with want. God, what he wouldn't do to have Dan accept him. His heart slammed against his rib cage, and he swallowed thickly, watching as Dan blinked, surprised at himself. There was something unsure but calculating in his eyes that gave Phil hope.

Dan blinked when his own words caught up to him. They seemed to imply that he was going to have Phil around after the end of today - after the twenty-four hours were up. He bit his lip. Well, so far, having Phil around hadn't exactly been _unpleasant_. He was clumsy, yes, but his power was vast, and Dan was itching with curiosity to know more about how his world worked. If he could help Dan with his potions, as well, that would only be more of a plus.

He shook the thoughts away for now, instead heading over to his cauldron, lowering it enough for Phil to reach and starting the flames with a click of his fingers after he’d added the freshly cut leaves of the dragonplant. "Your magic must be strong," he added as an afterthought to Phil, who was watching his every move intently. "You know how you got me some dragonplant, before? It's growing better than I've ever seen. I've got more of it than I know what to do with, now."

Phil followed Dan to the cauldron next to his desk, jumping up so his face was level with how Dan had lowered it, and watched as Dan started the fire with a click of his fingers. Seeing Dan do magic sent a thrill through Phil.

He wanted to do magic together. He wanted to see the amazing things Dan could do.

Most of the time, he watched Dan do things by hand. He rarely used his magic when it came to potion brewing, and Phil wondered if that was what Dan would want from him as well.

Maybe he could if he were in his human form, if that day ever came.

Tail swishing happily, Phil began to purr again as he began to use his magic to stir the spoon in the potion, watching as the ingredients started to blend together to form more of a liquid base then a mass of assorted items. His attention was diverted by Dan's words, at which point Phil turned his gaze back onto him. He flinched to be looking into his eyes, but held his ground.

"Really?" he asked, excited. "So you don't have to order it anymore?"

"Nope." Dan's lips twitched at the excitement to Phil's tone, and the eager way his tail swished back and forth. He almost wanted to tell Phil to look back at the cauldron and watch what he was doing so he didn't make a mistake, but he was kind of enjoying looking into Phil's eyes like that. Plus, Phil seemed to have it under control. So Dan continued, "I haven't had to order any since you fetched it for me. I don't know what you did, but I appreciate it. I've never had a successful crop before."

As Phil seemed to have the potion under control, Dan went back to his desk and tugged out a crinkled piece of parchment he'd been working on for a while now. He was doing sums, trying to calculate a new way to cure the common cold - something a bit better than simple painkillers or decongestants. He had a feeling that if he enchanted the right mix of ingredients, he'd be onto something, but it was hard to get the maths right. Dan had been working on equations for almost three months now.

"Do you do much magic by calculation, in your world?" he asked suddenly, curious. "Or is it all instinct? Do you have classes, like our schools?"

Phil couldn't help preening under the praise. He almost wished Dan were close enough to pet him to top it all off, but he'd take the grateful words. He just hoped that might be enough to help Dan see that Phil could be good for him. There was so much riding on these next few hours. In the end though, Phil just wanted Dan to be happy, even if that meant Phil wasn't in his life.

Mind's eye on the potion, and ready for the instant it turned blue, Phil tracked Dan with his actual eyes, lying down so he was kind of spread out but compact in on himself. His paws clung to the wood under him as he watched Dan go about his usual work - staring at formulae on a sheet of paper that Phil didn't understand. He turned his gaze from the paper to Dan at the question.

"We don't have schools. We learn from the familiars who come and go, but mostly from those who've yet to actually exist in the human world. That's why we know so little when we get here. Most everything is instinct, including us finding you, but some of it is knowledge imparted from those of us who...who stayed behind even after they found their witch. As for magic by calculation...I truly don't know anything about the formulae on your sheet of paper," Phil explained, feeling a little sad that he couldn't be useful in that way.

"But I can learn!" he added. "We learn easily, quickly. I'm sure I could help you if you just tried to explain it to me."

Dan was instantly itching with curiosity again, wondering more about how Phil's magic worked. He was familiar with some instinctual spells - every witch had at least some magic they were born with - but he'd never seen something as powerful as Phil's before. He was a bit confused, as well, about the familiars who apparently didn't leave Phil's world even when they'd found their witch. Were there familiars who didn't want a companion, either? Dan wondered why he hadn't got paired with one of them.

Even though that felt a little bit...wrong. He couldn't quite imagine anyone other than Phil, with his clumsy practices and playful little feline form.

"I mean, I'm not the best at understanding this either," Dan admitted, gesturing to the paper, "But I can try and teach you. If you can concentrate on the potion at the same time, that is?"

Phil assured him that he could. "I've got my mind's eye on it, don't worry."

Dan blinked. He wasn't quite sure how that worked, but he'd seen enough of Phil's magic to trust him, so he smiled back at Phil. "Okay. Come here, then." Dan shifted back a bit and patted his lap, indicating Phil could climb back there if he liked. Dan pulled the parchment over and started explaining, starting with the very basics of equations.

Grinning happily, Phil easily fit himself back in Dan's lap, curling up there and taking in his warmth and scent. It was nice to have so much of himself touching Dan, even better to be able to feel so close and connected, and he purred lightly as Dan began to stroke behind his ears again.

Time passed quickly after that, and it was easy for Dan to lose himself in his magic with the warm weight of Phil in his lap. Dan liked to teach, and he didn't usually have people interested enough to learn this, so it was nice for him to have Phil there hanging off his every word.

Phil was a good listener, and he nodded along as Dan tried to go over the numbers on the paper, explaining how they worked in a simple enough way that Phil picked it up as easily as was possible for him. His mind and magic worked together in his head to help form the understanding, until even the numbers felt instinctual to Phil. He studied the parchment thoughtfully, removing the spoon currently stirring Dan's mixture the minute it turned blue and then flicking off the flame.

Dan's soothing voice faded to background noise as Phil considered the paper, and then he conjured up a pencil and started filling in the blanks. Dan's voice faded out, to which Phil made a small whining noise, and Dan's hands replaced his voice in stroking over Phil's fur intimately. There was a soft chuckle that made him preen, and then nothing but fierce concentration.

"What about this?" Phil asked, frowning as Dan explained why that wouldn't work. Scrubbing it out, Phil tried again, chattering away with Dan as his mind worked harder than it ever had before, magic and instinct and thought colliding until he was the one explaining to Dan instead of the other way around. There came a moment when Phil grew lost and confused in all of his numbers, and then there was an exuberant "Ah!" from Dan, who took the parchment away and began scribbling quickly.

Phil could only watch on with a grin, purring quietly, as he settled back in.

Because he thought, with Phil's help, they might have actually done it, and seeing Dan so happy and focused was all that Phil had ever needed in life.

Dan scribbled quickly away on his parchment, caught up in excitement because the numbers were _actually making sense_. For the first time in months he could get his head around the equations, and it was because of what Phil was adding, showing him routes he'd never considered before that then allowed Dan to scurry away down them in ways he hadn't imagined. Phil was invaluable, even if he didn't fully understand what they were doing.

Several minutes later, Dan finished off the last equation and sat staring at the finished formula, astonished. "I think we actually got it," he said in amazement. "I mean, we haven't tried it out yet, but - quick, pass me that mixing bowl." Dan was too caught up to notice that Phil simply sent it flying across the room, rather than jumping down off Dan's lap to get it. Dan wasn't upset, either, because it meant he could keep stroking Phil with his right hand as his left started gathering up ingredients scattered about his desk.

It took seconds for him to start crushing up powders and mixing together new liquids, using magic where he couldn't be bothered to do things conventionally. With Phil's help, they soon had a strange new concoction bubbling away in the bowl, and Dan stirred it twice clockwise and once anti-clockwise over and over again, watching with bright eyes as it slowly turned a gorgeous golden colour.

"I think it's working!" He wriggled in excitement, almost jolting Phil off his lap, and quickly scratched behind his ear in apology. "I mean, I won't know for certain until I next catch a cold and can try it, but we're _much_ closer than I've ever been before. We did it, Phil!" The 'we' slipped off his lips easily, and Dan was surprised because he'd never even considered himself a team player before this. But here he sat with a happy Phil in his lap, suddenly more content than he'd ever been.

Maybe Dan could get used to this after all.

Whisked away in the magic of it all, Phil didn't even notice when he started to purr. The sound was loud in the room, though, mixing with the sounds of Dan crushing herbs and mixing together ingredients. Phil, meanwhile, watched on as everything came together, happy just to be allowed to stay on Dan's lap, and laughed in his head when Dan nearly knocked him out of his lap, claws digging in lightly to keep himself in place as he lifted his chin to push his ear into Dan's touch. He loved the praise, loved being of use, and could feel the euphoria filling him already.

This was how it was meant to be. This was what Phil had wanted, what he'd been desperate to show Dan.

So of course that's when everything had to go wrong.

Phil has just been struck by the excitement of Dan calling them _we_ when he lost control of his magic, consumed as he was with happiness and the hope that this meant Dan might accept him.

The waves of power struck out suddenly, blasting both Dan and Phil backwards and into the wall. Phil fell to the floor, yowling at the pain, and that's when everything really fell apart, because, magic out of control the way it was, Phil couldn't rein it in before the fear made even more terrible things being to happen.

Dan's office was destroyed in seconds. Thunder struck his desk, upending both potions they'd made and soaking through the parchment for the one they'd created together. Ingredients and powders alike exploded from their jars, and the loud sound of a tornado flashed through the room as wind threw everything up and into the air. Glass struck Dan and Phil both, with Phil crying out as he tried to make it stop, only he couldn't because he was so scared; of himself, of Dan, of the pain and destruction.

He whined as he scrambled to his feet, panicking as he tried to rein it in, and while the thunder and tornado came to a stop, the destruction did not. Somehow, Phil managed to make it worse, sending the glass and powder in a flurry in the room until it had hit a wall, the glass piercing it while the powder collided and caused a mini explosion.

Terrified and upset, Phil scrambled into a corner and huddled there, eyes closed as he tried to focus.

He knew he could fix it if he just calmed down, but when the dust settled, the screaming started, and Phil lost focus entirely.

It happened in an instant.

Dan was thrown backward so hard his back cracked against his bookcase, sending tomes and spellbooks tumbling down onto the ground as he fell with them. His head cracked on the floor and he couldn't even begin to process what had happened when there was thunder cracking and wind blowing hard enough to tear at his robes. He cowered into a corner, covering his head with his hands when glass started flying, and he could hear explosions and yelps and whining and crashes of destruction.

Eventually, it slowed down. Dan was able to lift his head, and as soon as he saw his office, he wished he hadn't. His office wasn't even _there_ anymore. His desk was charred black, the potions gone, his recipes in tatters. The shelves were lopsided and there were books and papers all over the floor, scattered and torn and broken. His whole life's work. Hours and weeks and months and years of his work, just gone in seconds.

He couldn't believe it.

Stunned, Dan turned his head, his entire body aching from being curled up so tight. There were cuts in his hands from the glass but he barely even noticed, too busy trying to piece together what had happened, how on earth so much damage and destruction could have happened...

And then he saw Phil. Cowering in a corner with his ears flat and his tail low, hidden away, eyes wide.

Of course. His magic. It must have been his magic.

Dan didn't even think. He jumped to his feet, lifting a hand and screaming, "What have you done? _What have you done?!_ " He strode over to the corner where Phil was cowering and stood right over him, intimidatingly tall, eyes burning with anger and voice dangerously low and throbbing with fury. "This is everything! _Everything!_ Why are you so useless, why are you _here_?! I don’t want you here anymore, get _out_ and don’t come back!"

It hurt. Phil's entire body was in pain from the glass and being thrown around the room, not to mention the internal struggle he’d had with his own magic, but none of that hurt nearly as much as Dan's words. Phil cowered, wishing he could beg Dan to calm down, but knowing this was his own fault and he deserved no such chance.

His body pressed back further into the blackened wall of Dan's now ruined office, and he moaned in pain as Dan struck at him, word after word a huge blow that left Phil winded and horrified. He was useless, Dan was right. Phil couldn't even keep his happiness contained enough not to destroy an office, and he couldn't even keep Dan happy for more than a few hours at a time before he needed a break from Phil entirely.

How many things of Dan's had Phil destroyed now? His office, the original dragonplant, his tree...

Phil didn't belong with Dan. Dan was better off without him.

Heart racing, and eyes wide with terrified adrenaline, Phil disappeared.

The roar of his magic was overwhelming, his breathing uneven and panicked, but at least he was away from Dan.

Dan, who had more or less rejected him.

Phil cried out as the thought struck his heart, magic erupting out on the poor, random street he'd popped into, striking into trees and felling them in an instant. The mini tornado returned, rushing up behind Phil and throwing him into the air. He struck a wall, and he cried out in pain again, terrified of himself as the rain and the thunder started, soaking the streets of the town already. Phil could only hope he was far away from Dan as he stood, shook himself, and took off running.

He needed some place safe to hide until his magic had run it's course and he had passed on, because now… now Phil was a rejected familiar, and there was no turning back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning for this chapter: thoughts of death, begging for death, near death, but no actual death**

Dan was panting, furious, when Phil disappeared. He glared at the spot Phil had been standing in and growled, "Yeah, and don't bother coming back either! Fuck knows I don't want you!" He flopped back against the wall and closed his eyes, pushing frustrated fingers through his hair before screaming aloud a noise of absolute anger.

His office was _ruined_. His work was gone, and the one useful thing Phil had done - help him figure out the new potion - was destroyed. Dan had nothing left.

When he could face it, he opened his eyes again and instantly flinched. At least the power had gone when Phil had gone, so the air was calm and back to normal, but his office was an absolute mess. All of Dan's order was gone. He had nothing left, none of his work, even the remedy he'd been working on that day was gone.

He had _nothing left_.

With a face like a thundercloud, Dan stalked out of his office and slammed it behind him. He was met with shocked looks from his customers, and PJ scuttling towards him with wide eyes, but Dan ignored them all in favour of glaring and growling, "We're closed. Emergency."

PJ blinked. "What--?"

"Just get everyone out," Dan grouched, and then he spun around and stalked straight back out of the building towards his greenhouse.

Once he was there, he spent his time focusing on tending to his plants so that he didn't have time to think, because Dan couldn't face that right now. He was burning with white hot anger. Of all the stupid, dumb things that Phil could have done, destroying Dan’s office was right up there with the worst of them. Dan kept all of his works-in-progress there, filed away in neat little cabinets lined with recipe after recipe, note after note. And not just new potions he was working on either, but all of his records, the regular orders he had long-term customers for, and all the care for his rare plants should he ever have to go away and leave PJ in charge.

All of it, gone, because some stupid familiar that Dan hadn’t even wanted had turned up in his life and then ruined everything.

Dan closed his eyes, grip tightening around the innocent vine of a harmless creeper that extended across most of the roof of his greenhouse. Even being around his plants wasn’t helping Dan this time. He was _furious_ , could feel anger raking through his chest, building in his veins. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted a familiar in the first place. He didn’t need some other person coming into his carefully controlled life and making a mess of everything.

Only Dan had slipped up, and let someone else in, and now he was paying for it. All of his hard work, his entire career, just… gone.

It was beyond comprehension.

After a few minutes, Dan opened his eyes again and went woodenly about his usual business, caring for his plants, losing himself to their world for a while.

He didn't know how long he was there before the screech of a raven told him PJ and his familiar had arrived. Dan was surprised - the raven normally avoided Dan, and Dan avoided the raven.

"Dan?" PJ asked hesitantly. "What happened?"

Dan ignored him.

"I went in your office," PJ persisted, "What happened? Did you mess up your numbers?"

Dan growled, but before he could make up with some excuse, the raven interrupted him with a caw. "Familiar!"

Dan started. He'd never heard the raven speak before. He had nothing on PJ's shocked expression, though, who span to face Dan with a suddenly drained face. "What? Is that - is that true?!"

"It was," Dan growled. "I got rid of him when he did _that_."

PJ paled. "Your familiar did _that_?! You have a familiar? How strong?!"

"Clearly a lot," Dan snarled, "Not that I care. He'll be gone now."

PJ gasped and drew back several steps. "You didn't - you didn't _reject_ him, did you?!" His voice had all but disappeared.

Dan glowered. "It’s none of your business."

"But, Dan--"

"I don't want to hear it, PJ!" Dan shouted. "We're closed. Go home."

PJ flinched. He held Dan's burning gaze for only a couple of seconds more before giving in and scurrying out of the room, muttering “ _Rejected familiar!”_ under his breath.

Dan went back to tending his plants, and tried to put his thoughts to bed.

**

The rain wouldn't let up. Phil couldn't make it stop. Thunder crashed through the sky, followed by lightning that struck out and set fires that Phil couldn't put out. His fur was soaked through, but he'd found an alley to hide in, tucked behind a bunch of bins that shook from being so close to Phil's power. He was curled up, scared and heartbroken, as he mourned.

Even the sounds of his pitiful cries weren't enough to bring the alley cats close to him. They'd all taken off when the rain had started; not that Phil could blame them, but he suddenly wished he were able to go home, able to seek the comfort of his own kind.

He'd tried already, though. His magic prevented him, locked him in the human world where destruction ran free. Phil could hear the sounds of sirens, knew he was causing harm and destruction, but he couldn't make it stop.

The will was there, but the control was not. Phil was a rejected familiar, and he cried as he waited for it to end.

Phil knew that if he were responsible, he'd get out of the city now, but the further Phil ran, the less of Dan he was able to feel, and though he knew he didn't deserve so much as an inkling of Dan’s presence, he couldn't force himself to leave. It felt like his skin was being flayed off of him, the burn constant and excruciating, but worse the further he got from his witch.

It could be up to a few days before Phil properly winked out of existence, and he ached for that time to pass, for this all to end. He ached to be able to force himself out and into the wilderness, away from civilisation where he could at least keep the humans safe, but he couldn’t. No, it hurt too much to be away from Dan.

The longer the storm raged on, the more Phil hated himself, and the stronger the lightning striking this little city became.

No one would look for him, but they'd know where he was, Phil knew that. They’d all be running by now.

The lightning his magic kept calling was constant in the alleyway in front of him, crashing into the ground and the walls of the nearby businesses Phil was too scared to run by, charring them black and leaving the acrid scent of burning in it's wake. Hopefully, the owners and civilians would be evacuated. Hopefully, Phil wouldn't kill anyone. Hopefully, it would only take a few hours before he was gone.

Phil knew that was an impossible dream.

His bright blue eyes peered out under the dumpster in front of him, but his gaze was sad and heartbroken as he tried to shield his mind.

The last thing he wanted right then was to hear Dan's voice ever again.

**

For the next few days, Dan retreated fully back into himself. He returned to his office and set about cleaning up, grimly sweeping away all the tattered remains of his life's work without bothering to try and salvage anything. It wasn't worth it. _He_ wasn't worth it. Dan had let his guard down, had started to believe that he might be good enough to have a companion, and then the universe had fucked him over again and here he was, left with nothing.

PJ kept showing up, even though Dan had yet to reopen his shop. His regulars were confused and upset, but after taking one look at Dan's stony face they quickly learned to stay away. PJ had also been a great help, telling the neighbours that Dan was sick and in quarantine until they figured out what it was. Dan couldn't even bring himself to care. He just spent his days grimly sweeping up his years of work and pouring them down the drain.

"This can't carry on," PJ said eventually, barging into Dan's office uninvited three days after Phil had left.

Dan didn't acknowledge his presence. He just carried on scrubbing at his charcoal-black desk.

"Dan," PJ snapped sharply, "Listen to me. You have to do something."

"No," Dan answered as calmly as he could, "I don't have to do anything."

PJ hissed. "Have you been listening to the news? There's a disaster on the other side of the city! Freak storms, flooding, roads cut off and buildings torn down...everyone knows what it is, Dan." PJ lowered his voice. "No one goes near a rejected familiar."

Dan's hands were trembling. He ignored PJ.

"Dan, seriously," PJ dared to approach a bit. Dan tensed. "I've sent my familiar to check on it, but she can't even get close. Everyone is in turmoil, half of the city's had to be evacuated. People are being warned to leave if they can until the familiar disappears, but it's extremely powerful. No one can remember an attack quite like it, in fact." PJ's eyes softened a bit. "You must be an incredibly strong wizard."

Dan laughed harshly. "Do I look like one to you?"

PJ flinched.

"I can't get anything in order," Dan growled. "Fuck, I can't even run my business properly without some fucking animal coming along and screwing it all up. If he's so _powerful_ , why is he causing such a mess? It isn't my problem."

PJ looked shocked. "But, Dan - you _rejected him_."

Dan glared at him, uncomprehending.

"Your familiar won't have a choice," PJ explained slowly. "Once they've been rejected - their magic bursts out, all of it, until there's nothing left and the familiar just… disappears. No one knows how, but they don't just die. It's like the never existed in the first place. And the more magic they have, the worse the destruction will be."

Dan went cold.

He hadn't known that.

Phil hadn't told him that.

But did this mean - did this mean Phil was going to _die_? To disappear? And all because Dan couldn't figure out how to accept him?

Dan shuddered. Suddenly, he felt very sick.

PJ stared at him, face pale. "You didn't know that, did you?"

Belatedly, Dan shook his head.

PJ bit his lip. "I don't know how to tell you - but your familiar, it looks bad. He's strong. The whole city could be destroyed before he dies, and even then the explosion could be horrendous."

Dan held a hand up, bile rising in his throat. The city could be destroyed, and Phil could _die_ , all because of Dan?! No, this wasn't how this was meant to happen. He hadn't meant for any of this to happen. Phil didn't tell him. Phil let Dan think it would be alright if he rejected him.

Clearly, that wasn't true at all.

Numbly, Dan dropped the cloth in his hand and strode towards the door.

PJ reached out to stop him, eyes widening. "No, wait, Dan--"

"I have to find him," Dan hissed.

"You can't!" PJ's voice was barely a croak. "If you go near this, you'll be in so much danger! The familiar can't control its magic anymore!"

"I don't care. This is my mess." Dan faltered a bit, but his face was set, determined. "I'm going to clean it up."

Before PJ could say any more, Dan strode out of his shop and moved across the city. He could feel the tremors from here, and wondered just how many disasters Phil had already caused, all because of Dan. Dan shuddered. He couldn't believe he'd done this - he _never_ would have let Phil go if he'd known. Phil shouldn't have to _die_ , even the thought of that had Dan's stomach churning and his head swirling in a dizzy mess.

He had to fix this. Somehow. If he could even get close enough to do so.

**

It didn't only take a few hours, and Phil's horror at himself and his situation only grew the more time passed. By the second day, Phil realised he'd made the wrong choice. He never should have stayed in the city, never should have huddled in an alleyway just close enough he could feel that Dan was still nearby. He never should have put so many people in danger, and now, it was too late to move.

Phil could hear the helicopters and the sirens, but just barely over the loud sounds of his own magic crackling away. The wind was a roar even in Phil's ears, and he was so cold, so cold from the rain. Darkness had descended within hours of him hiding away here, and it was nearly impossible to see anything anymore. Phil had long since closed his eyes, waiting for his life force to drain away. He didn't know when his magic would run it's course, but it didn't feel like it was going to let up anytime soon.

Phil had a horrible feeling about what he'd done, the things he'd caused, and he was glad he wouldn't have to stick around to see it. The very idea of him damaging an entire city, potentially having killed _anyone,_ was so horrendous Phil wanted to vomit.

He already had, in fact. There was a puddle of sick to his left side from the second day, when Phil's body had convulsed and shuddered until he was vomiting uncontrollably. The pain and fear of that had sent another shockwave through the earth, until Phil had been able to feel the earthquake as it moved through the city.

It was day three, now, and Phil just wanted to die. He just wanted it to end. His alleyway smelled acrid, the sky overcast and dark with clouds, the sound of thunder crashing through the sound of wind. Lightning had stopped striking, at least, but the earthquakes had picked up, and from time to time, Phil thought he could hear the tornados as well. The smoke was thick in his alleyway, cloying and suffocating, but even that wasn't enough to do him in.

Phil had once been proud of how powerful he was, amazed by the strength of his witch… but now, he wished more than anything that he was the weakest of the bunch. He'd be gone by now.

Phil's entire body ached. He wondered what he looked like now; a drowned rat, sure, but was his fur still even intact? It didn't feel like it even could be. Unable to see, Phil couldn’t tell if parts of him had already started to disappear, couldn't tell if he was fading away yet or not, but he hoped he was, and he hoped that no-one ever had to see him like this.

**

The other side of city was eerily quiet. Giant cracks ran across the pavement, it was raining constantly, and lightning flashed across the sky. Dan drew his cloak tight around him and crept forwards, fighting the wind and the rain and the mass of power he could feel swirling through the air. It was enough to knock him dizzy, and Dan was eventually forced to a stop, unable to think through the incredible force rushing through the air. This magic was _insane_.

But he couldn’t find Phil. He didn’t even know where to _begin._

Dan’s first thought was to scream Phil’s name, to try and get his attention that way, but he quickly found that he couldn’t speak - his words got ripped away by the wind the instant he spoke them. He battled through the storm as best he could, creeping inch-by-inch up the main street that was riddled with cracks and shook with earthquakes, until the howling wind was too strong and the rain fell like icy sheets against his skin. Dan’s cloak was quickly soaked through, and he trembled.

There had to be a way to get to Phil. There _had_ to be. Dan just needed to think--

But it was so hard, with the constant howling of the wind tearing at his cloak, rumbling through his mind along with the constant buzzing of the bond in the back of his skull--

Wait. _The bond_.

Of course! The bond that had fused him with Phil, that had been an annoying constant distraction in the back of Dan’s skull since the moment he’d first caught sight of the fuzzy black shape on his doorstep. It was still there.

The bond was still there, which meant that Phil… Phil had to be there still, too. Didn’t it?

Hesitantly and more than a little bit terrified, Dan lowered his shields and gently nudged against the bond still buzzing away in the back of his head.

He had to get to Phil.

_I'm sorry. Phil? I'm sorry. Please stop this. Please._

Phil wasn't sure what time it was when the nudging started, but he flinched away and cried out in pain as something, someone, pressed to the bond deep inside of him, a bond that had almost been forgotten in the wake of his destruction. Phil knew who it was, but he couldn't acknowledge them, couldn't even hear them out. The thought of that hurt too much, even as his body, his magic, craved for it.

Their voice was quiet, nearly quiet enough that it didn’t get in, but Phil’s entire body was trembling know with the _want_ to let it in until he was turning to vomit once again. The violent surge through his body opened up the bond, and suddenly, it was there - the knowledge that Dan was apologizing to him.

Phil tried to throw his shields back up, tried to strengthen them with the residue of his magic, but it wasn’t working, and he knew even as he tried that it was a wasted effort. The shields would hold, maybe, enough to protect his mind from Dan, but they wouldn’t keep his witch out. Still, he didn’t respond back, he didn’t open his mind or his thoughts to his witch, because Dan didn’t want him. Dan had rejected him.

He had called Phil useless, and Phil believed him.

He was better off dead. Once he was gone, Dan could live a normal life again.

For the first time since Phil had come into his life, Dan was met with resistance when he tried to contact him through their bond. Instead of the usual happy response he got - and oh how he missed that now - Dan instead found himself locked out by vast shields much more powerful than anything he'd ever made himself. Rejection flowed through him. Was this how Phil had felt, whenever Dan had tried to shield himself from him?

Dan shuddered at the thought, the realisation that he’d been unintentionally locking Phil out since day one. And now it had led to this destruction.

Dan was freezing in the stinging rain, the thunderclaps loud and startling above his head. He was trembling and exhausted, buffeted about by the wind, and surrounded by the acrid stench of acid and burning. He didn't even recognise what street he was on, despite regularly visiting this side of city. He had customers here - all gone now, he hoped. No one was here, evacuated as soon as the rejected familiar had appeared.

Rejected familiar. This was all Dan's fault.

Exhausted and desperate, Dan slid down the wall right where he was, unable to keep fighting the wind to keep himself upright. He sheltered in a little hollow in the wall beside the entrance to an alley and closed his eyes, focusing on nudging at the walls Phil had put up, but Phil was far stronger than Dan could ever dream to be.

Or maybe Dan could learn to match his strength, if they ever figured out how to work together.

"Hey!" The terrified shout, accompanied by blue flashing lights and a siren, forced Dan's eyes open and he was met with a police officer waving hurriedly at him. "Get out of there! We evacuated this part of city days ago!"

"I can't," Dan hissed, struggling to speak around the ache in his chest. "This is - it's my fault."

The police officer paled. "You mean - _your_ familiar?"

Dan shuddered and nodded. He squeezed his eyes shut, unsurprised when a tear rolled down his cheek.

The police officer didn't speak anymore, instead backing away hurriedly while keeping an eye on him. Dan didn't blame him. He'd be scared, too - he _was_ scared, terrified for Phil, terrified that he wouldn't be able to save him.

Desperate, Dan threw everything he could at Phil's shields, screaming through their bond. _Phil, please! I want to stop this! I want you! Please, stop this, come back to me, please!_

Phil could feel Dan battering away at him, magic of his own striking into Phil's shields as he tried to get past, but it was too late now. Phil knew what was happening, and he wanted no part in it.

This was why he'd never told Dan what would happen should he reject Phil. This is why he hadn't told Dan that he would _die_. It had taken Dan three days to find Phil, three days to apologise. There was no doubt in Phil's mind that Dan would not have come if it weren't for the damage he was causing, if it weren't for his own guilt and desire to protect everyone.

Dan was too kind.

Still, as his voice managed once again to curl around Phil's mind, the words hurt more than ever, because Phil _knew_ that Dan didn't want him. He knew this, and yet his magic slowed down, the winds howling to a slowing stop, and the thunder and lightning above crashing into nothing. Even the tornados disappeared, but the rain didn't let up, and the smoke in Phil's alley did not dissipate. He still couldn't see.

Anger rushing through him, Phil lashed out, sending another powerful earthquake rolling across the city. He screamed, vomiting again as he tried to push Dan away.

 _You don't want me!_ he screeched through their bond. _Just let me go! It'll be over soon enough! It's too late!_ he tried, desperate. He clung to the knowledge that Dan was only here because he wanted to save people, and not because he actually wanted Phil in any capacity. _Just let me go, I won't go through this again!_

Undeniable, unbelievable relief flooded through Dan when Phil replied. He was hearing Phil's voice again, pouring through their bond, and even in his anger and fear and desperation it still sounded so much like Phil. Dan had missed that, and he sobbed with relief, throwing his head back against the wall because _Phil was still alive_. He wasn't too late. Dan couldn't live with himself if he'd caused Phil's death.

It was strange, how the idea of a world without Phil in it was so disgusting and horrific to Dan now. He'd never wanted a familiar, never even wanted a companion, but then Phil had shown up and turned that all around. Despite how prickly and angry Dan was, Phil was persistent, and he never left Dan's side until Dan literally threw him away - an action Dan regretted with every inch of his being. And not just because of the destruction Phil was causing, though of course he felt guilty for that - but more because he'd nearly lost Phil for good.

Dan suddenly knew, without a doubt, that he didn't want that to happen.

Cold fear gripped his heart at Phil's words, at the thought that it might be too late. Dan couldn't let it be too late - he didn't want to lose Phil before he'd even had the chance to know him properly. Phil might have made mistakes, but it wasn't worth _this_. Dan would give him as many chances as it took for them to work this out.

 _I don't want you to go_ , he pleaded desperately to Phil through the tattered remains of their bond.

_Please don't leave me. I don't know you yet, but I want to. Please don't leave me, Phil. I'm begging you._

It was the worst feeling in the world. Phil's head and magic and heart were all in turmoil, and little bursts of magic kept pouring out, confused as they cracked thunder through the sky, lanced lightning onto the earth. The smoke started to clear a little, Phil's stomach stopped turning, but he didn't know if this was right. He didn’t know if this was okay. Should he really be accepting Dan’s apology, should he really believe him when he said that he wanted Phil? That he’d made a mistake?

Yet Phil could feel it. He could feel everything from Dan, the bond laid open and bare in a way that it had only been once, and while Phil refused to go back on his word and press in to feel Dan, to see all of Dan, he could still feel the heaviest emotions and thoughts flashing through his mind.

Dan was crying. Dan was crying, and desperate, and _scared_. His heart was racing almost as hard as Phil's and he just kept thinking about how terrified he was. His words wrapped around Phil's soul like cotton wool, comforting and warm and settling right at Phil's heart.

 _You don't want me,_ Phil reiterated, only this time, there was no power behind the words. _You want me to go_ , he corrected, wincing at the way ‘please don't leave me,’ echoed through his soul.

The pain of that was far worse than the pain of his magic whipping through him had been.

 _I need you to be happy,_ Phil cried, even as the clouds began to part above him. _You never wanted me. It's almost over, just let me go, Dan. I won't stay because you want to protect other people, because you want to save me. I can't stay if you don't want me. I can't stay if I don't make you happy._

Phil's voice was miserable, his soul literally ached, and he hurt so much. He just wanted to let go, wanted to leave, but his magic was calming and healing. Already, Phil could see the destruction of the alley clearing, healing, and he stood on shaking feet, heart broken. He didn't want to go through this again. He didn't want to be stuck with a witch who hated him. He didn't want to be pitied. He wanted Dan to let him go.

 _LET ME GO_ , he screamed, panicked as he turned his head and watched the damage his magic had caused to his own body start to be undone. His paws had just begun to disappear, the magic whooshing out of him, but suddenly, his body was claiming it all back, soaking up magic from Dan and the earth and the world around them where Phil had let it go in the first place.

Phil screamed.

_LET ME GO, DAN, I CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY!_

Dan refused to let go.

He clung on with everything he had, forcing as much of himself as he could into their bond until he was pouring his entire heart and soul into it, opening up to Phil in a way he never had before. He clung on even when Phil screamed at him, arguing with him, desperate to move on when Dan wasn't going to let him. Dan reached through their bond and dug his fingers in, grabbing onto every piece of Phil he could feel and find, clinging with everything he had.

 _I won't be happy again if you do this_ , Dan gasped. He was overwhelmed by what he felt as the bond grew, shocked into stillness by the amount of destructive magic Phil held.

Even as it was healing - and Dan sobbed with relief at that - he could sense just how much terrible power Phil had left.

It ripped through Phil’s body and caused so much _pain_ \- Phil was in so much pain, so wrecked and destroyed, and all because of Dan. Dan could never, _ever_ let Phil feel this kind of pain again. He'd been a terrible witch, and Phil was innocent and good, and Dan wanted him. He wanted him. He wanted him to stay and help Dan patch up the gigantic mess he'd made of everything.

 _Please_ , he begged, still crying as he felt Phil shudder through their bond, felt his revulsion at the way the destruction of his own body started to reverse, as the earthquakes and storm started to calm. _Please. Don't leave me. I'll never be happy if you leave me, I can't be happy without you now. Please, Phil. I want you. Please, come back. Don't leave me._

It felt like someone had dug their claws into Phil’s heart - Dan had dug his claws into Phil's heart. He was clinging onto Phil for dear life, his soul pressing alongside Phil's and pressing them together until all Phil could see was Dan. It felt like he'd been punched by the force of Dan's touch, by the force of his thoughts and feelings, and he could feel Dan's heartache and pain. There was so much pouring through Phil that he couldn't even pinpoint what was what as he struggled and tried to pull away, panicked by the way in which Dan was able to hold onto him.

He'd never imagined this was how things could be. He'd never imagined that Dan could hold just as tightly to Phil as Phil had held onto Dan. He'd never imagined that a witch could take back their rejection, that the destruction of Phil's magic could be taken away, and yet Dan pressing into him was doing it. Dan was practically trying to meld them together, and Phil's head was spinning, his entire body shaking as he tried to wobble forward, tried to wobble away. His legs gave out, and he cried out as he fell to the floor, but Dan's voice was there, curling through Phil's thoughts, curling around him and protecting him, filled with relief and desperation and want.

How could Phil deny that want when he could feel every single little thing that Dan was feeling? How could Phil deny that Dan wanted him when he could see his thoughts?

 _I don't want to leave you,_ Phil cried out, and it _hurt_ , it hurt because Phil didn't know how long Dan would feel this way. _I don't want to go,_ he begged back, sobbing as his magic whooshed over the city. He felt it as their little part of the world was plunged into sudden darkness, felt it as his magic swarmed back through him, gathering up from the wreckage of the city, but he couldn’t think straight enough to decide if this was truly what he wanted.

All he knew was the pain in Dan's heart and mind, the way Dan clung to him so fiercely. All he knew was darkness as his world, his mind, his body, his soul, was put back together, and then he passed out.

 _I want you_ , Dan promised, feeling all of Phil's doubt and fear and terror as his magic swirled back into him. _I want you. I promise. I'm here and I want you_. Dan could feel the immense power that fled back into Phil's torn and broken body, holding him back up, piecing him back together, and Dan shuddered because of the amount of destruction Phil had gone through to get to this point.

Dan felt it when Phil passed out, and for a moment he panicked, convinced that somehow, Phil had slipped through his grasp anyway and managed to find a way to die on him. But the bond was still there, so Dan rushed to his feet and followed the path of their bond. It buzzed violently in the back of his head, urging him on, as if desperate to reunite him with Phil.

Dan stumbled through the wind and rain, the weather so much calmer now that Phil's magic had returned. He didn't notice the police officer watching him closely, too determined to find Phil again. Thankfully the bond was strong, and the path of magic was easy enough to trace.

Dan stumbled down an alleyway, eyes wide, and his heart skipped when he saw a little black shape slumped over in the shadows. He ran to it, heart in his mouth, and jumped down beside Phil, carefully laying his palms flat on Phil's side. He was cold and trembling, but still breathing. Dan gasped in relief, and gathered Phil into his arms, pressing him into his chest and crying into his fur.

 _I've got you_ , he whispered into their bond, cradling Phil and pressing kisses to the top of his head. _I've got you. Please don't be dead on me_. He stayed there for a minute, holding Phil tight to his chest, and then stood, still cradling him in his arms as he turned to walk steadily back through the street. The world had burst back into colour the moment that Phil had collapsed, but Dan wasn’t paying any attention to his surroundings. He only had one thing left on his mind - and that was getting Phil home. The police officers kept their distance, not that Dan noticed. He barely lifted his face out of Phil's fur.

It seemed now that the worst of the storm was over, the people were returning, coming out of the woodwork to line the streets and watch as Dan walked past them towards the centre of the city. He ignored them all, cradling Phil to his chest the entire way back to his own shop.

When he walked through the unlocked doors of his store, Dan found PJ there waiting for him still, staring at Dan with his raven on his shoulder, but Dan was too busy looking at Phil to bother with them, to speak with them. Instead, he walked right past them to the stairs to his flat, and then walked carefully up to his flat, magicking open the door to his home and heading straight to the sofa. He collapsed on it the second he got there, curling up in a corner and placing Phil gently in his lap.

The first thing Dan did was check for injury. Phil luckily seemed to be whole, but he was out cold, no matter how much Dan pet his head or scratched his ear or softly stroked his fur. Dan continued to cradle Phil in his lap, fully intending to stay there until Phil woke again.

As the sky started to darken into night, Dan filled their bond with sweet thoughts and soft words, murmuring into Phil's mind. _I'm here. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere, and you're back, and I'm sorry, and I'm here._

Knocked out cold as he was, Phil could still hear Dan's voice in his dreams. It curled softly around him, sweetly cradling him and promising him a safety that he hadn't been able to claim before. Dan's touch was constant, if Phil's dreams were to be believed, and he could feel that he was wrapped up safe and warm in someone's arms, in someone's lap. He could feel himself healing, could feel himself believing, and he felt his heart swelling as Dan promised him that Dan wouldn't go anywhere, that Dan _wanted_ him.

Still, it hurt. His body ached in ways he couldn’t explain even as his magic surged through him, protecting him by keeping him out cold. From time to time, Phil nearly jerked awake, but something kept dragging him back under. He jerked and spasmed in the moments where he was sort of aware, and then he relaxed once again in the warm arms that held him.

Phil couldn't have been more thankful for the time alone, thoughts mostly contained with the soft murmurs of his witch in his mind. He wasn't blissfully unaware of his own pain, but he knew it could be worse, and at least he wasn't conscious and forced to reconcile with what had just happened. Phil just hoped that all the damage he'd done had been restored, and he hoped that when he did have to talk with Dan, neither of them would regret this.


	7. Chapter 7

Phil was unconscious for a long time. He was warm and still breathing in Dan's arms, which was about the only reason that Dan wasn't completely freaking out, but Phil looked like he was suffering as he twitched and sweated and shuddered in Dan's hold.

Dan did what he could for Phil. He washed him and stroked him and brought him everywhere, eventually moving into his own room when it got late and settling into his pillows with Phil curled up in his lap. All that time, Dan kept up a constant stream of calming thoughts in their bond, pouring as many soft and kind feelings into his mind as he could. He didn't know how much it was helping, but it was better than doing nothing. Wasn't it?

By the time Phil woke up, he was drowsy and weak. He felt like a kicked puppy, but he was finally warm. Someone had cleaned him, and it wasn't his own magic, Phil knew that much for sure. Dan was touching him as well, and slowly, quietly, Phil began to purr, testing the waters and wondering, wondering if Dan still wanted this.

When Phil started purring, Dan nearly fell out of bed. He drew in a gasping breath, unsure whether or not he'd imagined that, but as he tentatively ran a hand through Phil's fur the purring didn't stop. Dan wanted to shout. He wanted to shout and cry and gather Phil up into his arms, but he also didn't want to freak him out completely or damage him any more, so Dan forced himself to stay calm.

Hesitantly, Dan pushed at their bond again, keeping his hand moving gently against Phil's back. _Phil! Are you with me?_ He drew Phil into his chest, scratching behind his ear in the place he used to love. _I'm so sorry. I'm here now._

Phil waited with bated breath as Dan gasped, jolting under Phil at the sound of his purr. For half a second, Phil fully expected for Dan to push him away, scream at him some more, reject him again, but instead, Dan stroked a hand down his back and Phil encouraged him with a more steady sounding purr. The sound was broken in a way that it had never really been before, tinged with sadness, but it was all Phil could give Dan.

And then his voice curled through Phil's mind again, and his fingers moved behind Phil's ear, scratching that spot Phil was never able to get, and sending a shiver down his spine. The warmth bloomed hotter, all encompassing, _good_. Phil opened his eyes to find his face pressed into Dan's chest and sighed, curling up there more.

_I'm here_ , he replied, voice tired.

Dan let out a relieved breath when Phil’s eyes blinked open, even when it was more than evident that he was absolutely exhausted, because it a was reminder that he was _alive._ It was honestly a relief when Phil pressed his face into Dan’s chest as well, as that was where Phil should be, even as it hid his eyes from Dan. It didn’t matter so much when Dan could feel that he was alive. With both of their shields down, and Dan willing to keep their bond open now, it was easier to feel the warmth and rightness of them being together as well, and the realization of that was a balm against Dan’s nearly broken heart. Dan lost himself to the feeling, soaking it up, gathering it close and holding onto it as tightly as he was allowed. He kept scratching behind Phil’s ear as well, cradling him close, holding him and reassuring him and humming quietly through their bond.

_I'm so sorry_ , Dan poured into their bond, accompanying it with his regret and sorrow and thoughts on how much he wanted Phil. _I didn't know. I shouldn't have shouted, I never should have rejected you. I didn’t mean any of those horrible things that I said.  I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I never ever wanted to cause you pain. Don't ever leave me again, Phil, please. I promise I want you. I've got so much to learn still but please, I never want to go through that again. Please never leave me. I want you by my side. This feels right, no matter how weird it is. It's_ right _and I_ want _you, and I'm sorry I never saw it before._

It didn't take very long for Dan's thoughts to attack him, taking Phil entirely by surprise. He was slumped into Dan, his tail not even bothering to sway, but he went even more still to hear the outpouring of words and emotions coming from Dan. His witch sounded... devastated. Heartbroken. Nearly as messed up as Phil himself had felt at being rejected. His heart ached anew, and he made a pitiful sound that only seemed to cause Dan to drag him in tighter, hold him closer as his hands stroked over Phil's fur.

Phil wanted to be happy. Phil wanted to feel accepted. Phil wanted to think that this meant they could be together. But it was hard, through all that turmoil, to feel that happiness. Dan had changed his mind more than once...

"Don't keep me because you don't want me dead," Phil muttered, Dan's voice beginning to hurt. Phil was too scared to talk into Dan's mind again, now that he was coming fully aware. "Don't keep me because you don't want me to feel pain."

He choked on another small pitiful sound, and pressed himself into Dan. His paws came to Dan's chest, nails digging into his shirt as he cried.

"I want to make you happy," he begged, even as the words made his soul ache, even as he felt that right now, at the very least, Dan wanted him. He could feel that conviction, but he'd also felt the conviction when Dan had called him useless. He was afraid that Dan would change his mind.

But Dan was begging him not to leave, and how could Phil ever do something if Dan asked him not to?

"I won't leave you if that's what you want," he finished, defeated.

Dan bit his lip, a bit upset when Phil answered him aloud instead of using their bond. Was this how Phil had felt every time Dan had put his shields up and forced them to talk out loud? Their roles had been completely reversed, and Dan could feel guilt tugging away at his stomach again.

Reluctantly, he withdrew from their bond, glad that Phil was at least still clinging to his chest. He looked and sounded exhausted. Dan swallowed, and spoke out loud to match Phil. "Thank you. Give me time, Phil. I promise I'm going to prove to you how much I want you here."

Gently, Dan lifted Phil into his arms again and shifted sideways, pulling some of his blankets together to make a nest on his spare pillow. "You look exhausted. I'm going to put you to bed here, though, if that's okay - I mean, if you don't mind." He was mumbling now, shy once again. "I just want to be able to check on you, in case you hurt in the night. I want to be able to help you."

It was a relief to have Dan pulling back from the bond. It gave Phil room to think, and while it hurt the way it had always hurt to have Dan not wanting to speak with him that way, it was something Phil needed right now. He couldn't take the pressure of having Dan in his head when he hurt so much already, when he wasn't sure if he could trust Dan or if he should. This wasn't how bonds were meant to work, not what Phil had been told, but suddenly, he wondered if they'd prepared him properly at all in his world. He wondered if any of the other familiars knew even a little of what they were getting themselves into. Phil was meant to be nothing but happy with Dan, and yet... right now, he wasn't happy.

Still, as Dan reassured him, thanked him, and moved Phil into a bundle of blankets on the spare pillow of Dan's bed - some place Phil had never been before now - he couldn't help feeling thankful. He still wanted Dan, needed this to work out like he needed air to breathe, but... something was different, now.

Phil cared about his own happiness, too, it turned out.

Did that mean he was a failure as a familiar? He didn't know.

"Okay," Phil agreed simply, closing his eyes even as he felt a swell of sadness that Dan hadn't let Phil continue to cling to him. The scent of Dan washed over him as he snuggled into the pillow, hunched in on himself, radiating sadness. "Okay," Phil agreed again, and while he didn't bother with shields, he did shove himself into a mental corner away from Dan as much as he could. He was still so tired, but at least his body had healed.

Dan's teeth worried his lower lip as he watched Phil curl himself up into a tiny ball, leaving space between them both mentally and physically. It kind of… hurt to have this separation. Still, it was only what Dan deserved, probably. He'd never trusted Phil, and now Phil was returning the favour, and he actually had reason. Dan had screamed at him, after all.

He didn't speak anymore, worried about piling more pressure onto Phil when he was clearly exhausted. Instead, he flopped onto his side and watched Phil close his eyes and nestle himself into Dan's pillow. It felt right to have him there, as it felt right whenever Phil was in Dan's life. There was a lot to be fixed, but Dan was determined not to give up.

He’d been so scared of having a familiar, so scared of having someone invade his life. That fear was still there, if Dan was completely honest with himself, but it was secondary to the fear of losing Phil. Nothing had felt that terrible in the whole of Dan’s life. He watched Phil’s small body curled up on his pillow and bit his lip. This felt… _right_. There was something right about having Phil in Dan’s life, and maybe Dan should stop running from it for once.

Carefully, Dan patted Phil's back once more, and then settled down into his blankets. He didn't sleep, though, not for a long time. His mind was too busy racing with how much had happened.

He'd gone from fury at Phil for destroying his office - which he was sure there would be an explanation for, if he ever got Phil talking to him again - to blind panic when PJ had explained what would happen to Phil, to heart-wrenching terror and desire to keep Phil alive, and now to a strange mix of relief and anxiety. He was more relieved than he could even say that Phil was alive and beside him again, but this distance felt… wrong. Phil had always been so keen to see him. Still, this was nothing less than Dan deserved.

Dan stayed awake most of the night, eyes keen and watching Phil, until eventually he gave in to sleep in the early hours of the morning, sprawled out on his bed beside where Phil was curled up in a ball on his pillow.

**

Phil shivered through most of the night. He was cold without the heat of Dan holding him anymore, his body remembering the icy feeling of the rain soaking through to his skin, the ache and pain of his magic trying to burn itself out as it rained destruction and chaos down on Dan’s city. Phil ached to curl into Dan again, but he hurt so much, physically and mentally, that he really didn't want to. He wanted to be alone in his own thoughts, wanted to be alone in his own devastation, trying to come to terms with Dan's sudden change in heart, and trying to come to terms with the fact that he was alive. How was he alive? Phil hadn’t known that a familiar could even come back from a rejection, and he didn’t understand.

He didn't sleep well. He woke up from time to time and peered quietly at Dan to find him anxious and awake, watching Phil like he was afraid if he turned around for even a second, Phil would be gone. It soothed his soul in some ways, hurt him in others, but mostly, Phil was startled to feel just how much Dan cared. The bond was pushed back, but Dan's feelings were strong.

Phil curled in tighter to himself, whimpered quietly, and slept on.

When he woke for the final time, Phil still didn't know how he felt or what he wanted to do, but he wasn't quite so tired anymore. His body still ached, and he was weighed down with a sadness that only near-death and almost-rejection could bring with it, but he was alive and well, for the most part. His eyes fluttered open to find Dan restless even in his sleep, a frown on his brow, and his lips curled up in distaste and worry.

Dan needed him, and Phil needed Dan, there was nothing more to it.

Standing on shaky legs, Phil trotted over to Dan's side, and curled up next to his hip, eyes open as he peered at the far wall. He trembled with the fear of rejection, with the fear of the intimacy having Dan being so open with him brought, but stayed there, warmed from the inside out just to have Dan near again.

The bond they shared was something special, and whether Phil trusted Dan or not, he needed it. He needed him. He wanted to trust him and have him and keep him, wanted to be his companion and love and be loved in return. It wasn't Phil’s fault he was terrified, wasn't his fault he shook and whimpered, soft noises catching in his throat. It wasn't his fault his tail didn't sway with happiness anymore, wasn't his fault the purr was quiet and strained with sadness.

Still, when Phil felt Dan relax behind him just from the pressure of Phil pressed to his hip, it helped Phil to relax some too, and though he wasn't tired, he cat napped with Dan because Dan didn't want Phil to leave his side.

(But mostly because, no matter how badly Phil felt, Phil didn't want to leave Dan's side either.)

Dan stirred sometime later, coming awake again slowly. As he blinked his eyes open, he first felt panic start to rise in chest because the pillow he’d propped up beside him was empty, and Phil was gone. Terrified that he'd somehow let Phil slip out of his grasp again before they'd even had a chance to talk things through, he jolted upright and felt for their bond, relieved when he found that it was still there buzzing away in the back of his head.

Then, Dan felt a warmth by his hip and heard a quiet, broken purr, and glanced down to see Phil's black furry shape curled up against his side. He let out a breath, panic fading away again to be replaced by a cautious warmth. Carefully, he lifted his left hand and brought it to Phil's back, laying his palm flat on his back and not moving, just applying a gentle pressure to let Phil know he was here.

Phil wasn't looking at him, but that was okay. Dan understood that there was an awful lot he had to fix, and he didn't expect it to be easy. Not after the terrible things Phil had gone through because of him. So he started small, and simply murmured aloud, "Hello. I'm glad you're here. Um - how are you feeling?"

It was somehow comforting to feel Dan’s terror as he came awake and didn’t immediately find Phil. Maybe that was cruel of him, but Phil was hurting, and he would take any acknowledgement that Dan truly cared for him, truly wanted him around. There was still that long held terror in Phil’s soul that Dan just didn’t want to be responsible for someone’s death, but the larger part of him was shoving Dan’s thoughts at him as a constant reminder that that just wasn’t the truth.

Phil shoved all thoughts aside and began to purr quietly instead, the sound just as broken as before as he tried to get Dan’s attention and reassure him all at the same time, even as he kept his back turned and his gaze somewhere else. His chin fit perfectly over his paws, and his ears were wilted and heavy, but he was there.

It had to be enough comfort for Dan, because Phil had no more comfort to give.

“Better,” Phil replied quietly. “Stronger. I think I’m okay, now,” he added. He had no idea how he should feel. He’d never heard tell of something like this before. Usually… usually rejected familiars weren’t found and unrejected.

Dan swallowed, but he couldn't quite believe Phil when he said he was fine. He certainly didn't _sound_ fine. Or look it, for that matter. His ears were drooping and his tail was still, his purrs soft but broken. And he wasn't looking at Dan.

"No offence, but I don't believe you," Dan murmured, his palm still flat on Phil's back. "I mean - you clearly aren't fine. You can't be fine. I saw through the bond what you were feeling - there was so much _pain_." Dan's breath caught.

Phil shuddered as Dan touched him, his palm large as it fit over Phil's back. It was warm, should have made him feel protected, but just then, it almost felt suffocating instead. Phil didn't shrug Dan off, though. He didn't want to, because some part of him _was_ comforted by Dan touching him still. He just wished he was petting him instead.

"Well, I am," Phil snapped, the anger boiling to know that Dan had touched his soul and shared the pain Phil had gone through when having his magic ripped and drained from him. He didn't need Dan reminding him of how terrible it had been, and he didn’t want to think about why it had happened at all, didn't want to think about Dan reaching out to him and feeling it too. He hadn’t wanted Dan to suffer, that's why he hadn't warned him what would happen if he rejected Phil.

"I'm so sorry, Phil,” Dan said, swallowing thickly. “I never ever meant you to be in pain like that. I wouldn't ever..." He cut himself off, biting his lip. He didn't want to pile too much onto Phil at once, but at the same time, he needed Phil to understand, at least a little. "When I - when you thought I rejected you, I didn't mean it. I didn't understand what I was doing. I was angry and I lashed out, but I _never_ wanted you to die or get hurt."

Hearing Dan speak made Phil hurt, and he wilted into himself a little. It didn't matter that Dan hadn’t wanted any of the things he’d just said. It didn't matter that he hadn't known any better. He'd still hurt Phil.

"It's fine, Dan," Phil said, shrugging it off with a sigh. "I understand." Even if Phil didn't think it excused him at all.

A crease appeared in Dan's brow when Phil grew short with him for the first time ever. He didn't much like it, much as he understood it. Dan sighed heavily, and lifted his hand away from Phil's fur. At least Phil was still here, still curled up against his side and willingly touching him. That had to mean something.

He still didn't believe Phil at all, about him being fine, but Dan wasn't going to fight him. Not when he was tired and worried and nervous and scared about what the future held. So instead, he flopped back onto his bed with a gusty sigh, drawing a rough hand through his hair and staring up at his ceiling.

"I think we're going to have to talk about this at some point," he muttered almost under his breath, not looking at Phil now. "But when you're ready. When you're feeling better. I - um - I'm here to make you happy, just like you're here to make me happy. I haven't been very good at that yet, but I'm going to learn, so. You just take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

Phil wasn't going to lie; all of his wants and needs right now were contradictory. When Dan withdrew his hand, he nearly wanted to growl - instead, he just stopped purring, no longer having any reason to. He wished that Dan would touch him again, wanted to stay close and nestled into his skin, but at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to be apart for a little while. If he thought he had the strength, he might have gone to his own world for a little while.

So maybe Dan was right. Phil wasn't fully recovered, and he most certainly didn't think he could stand to be away from Dan right now, no matter what his head was saying.

He sat up a little bit straighter as Dan spoke, almost tempted to turn around, taken by surprise by his words, and felt something like warmth spill through him.

Hope. He smiled as he sat down, and he pushed himself backwards until he was practically laying over Dan's leg. He didn't look at him, but he found himself comforted in this way.

Dan hadn’t accepted him yet, no. Phil could feel that. Dan could still reject him again, Phil could still be forced to go through that pain again… but for right now, there was hope.

Dan's lips twitched upwards when Phil sprawled against his leg. It was good to have the warmth of another body pressed against him, and he could feel Phil breathing this way, could see the rise and fall of his furry back, even while he stayed facing away from Dan. It was comforting. It proved that Phil was alive, which was honestly something Dan needed to be constantly reassured of. He'd come so close to losing Phil for good, and that terrified Dan.

Dan didn't move, didn't speak again straight away. Instead, his hand moved almost of its own accord until it found Phil's head again, and his fingers scratched at the spot behind Phil's ear. His smile stretched a little wider when he heard Phil's purring start up again, if still quieter and more broken than it had been before.

It was still the best sound Dan had ever heard.

They could get through this. Dan was going to make sure of it. It might take years, it might be a long time before Phil even remotely trusted him again, but Dan was committed to this now. And sure, he didn't completely know what that meant, and he was maybe slightly terrified about having to let someone else into his life so completely, but now that Dan knew what the alternative was, he was never going to give up.

Coming so close to losing Phil had shocked Dan into realising just how precious he was. Dan was going to fight for him, now. Even if Phil stayed mad at him for a long time.

Phil dozed on and off for another good few hours. Dan never moved, petting at Phil's fur and keeping him mostly content. Knowing that Dan was so close eased some of the tension in Phil's body, and he honestly felt as though it was healing him better, so a few times, Phil woke up just enough to shift and move. First, he was sprawled into Dan's lap, and then he was turned to sprawl over his belly, and finally, he curled up on Dan's chest, right over his heart. Dan never once complained, and though Phil refused to look at him, Dan continued to pet at his fur, stroking his fingers over it lovingly.

There were no shields left. Phil had full access, now, but he didn't take advantage of it. Instead, he soaked in the way he could still feel aching heartbreak and fear in Dan's heart, the never ending waves of want that came from him, telling Phil that Dan hadn’t been lying. It was a comfort, but it was difficult to trust in, even now.

Phil knew they would get there one day.

Grimacing as he finally came awake properly, Phil dug his nails into Dan's chest, and pulled lightly. Dan made a small noise of pain, to which Phil let go of him, but otherwise, his fingers stayed dug into Phil's fur.

Phil wasn't sure what to say, though, as he slowly turned so his gaze was piercing into Dan's.

"Why did you save me?" he settled on, needing to understand, needing to know. "The honest answer. Why did you come get me? How did you know?"

Dan winced at the sharp tug of claws in his chest, eyes flying open from where he'd been half-dozing. Having Phil curled up on his chest like that was beyond comforting. His warmth and soft breathing relaxed Dan better than anything else could, and while Dan was still worried and Phil still wasn't looking at him, their time curled up together felt like it was healing some of the separation, mending some of the wounds that were forcing them apart.

At Phil's question, Dan raised himself slightly, careful not to knock Phil off the warm place he'd decided to curl up in. Dan bit his lip and glanced to the side. Phil was staring straight at him for the first time in days, and Dan thought he understood finally why Phil had always found that look uncomfortable. It was like a direct challenge.

Dan wasn't winning this time. He submitted easily, glancing at Phil's front paws instead as he answered. "PJ told me. My shop assistant. He has a familiar, a raven, and they'd both figured out what was happening from the news - houses evacuated - a rejected familiar..." Dan trailed off, his brows furrowing. "As soon as he told me what that meant, I knew I had to stop it. I was so scared at the thought of you going through that, of you dying--" his voice cracked, and he sucked in a sharp breath before finally meeting Phil's eyes.

"I never would have rejected you in the first place if I'd known. I was angry, and I acted rashly, and I didn't even think about the consequences. I just assumed you'd always be there to give me a second chance. When I learned you wouldn't..." He shuddered, instantly curling his fingers through Phil's fur, nudging at their bond just so he could feel that Phil was still alive. "It made me realise how stupid I was being. Nearly losing you made me see just what I was missing, and I couldn't bear it. I'm so sorry, Phil. I shouldn't ever have put you through any of this."

It was Dan's turn to avoid Phil's gaze, apparently. His eyes were focused on Phil's paws, and if it weren't for the fact that Phil could feel all of Dan's most powerful emotions right now, he might have thought it was because he was attempting to lie. He knew better though. He knew because Dan wasn't nervous or guilt ridden. He was still heartbroken, and as he spoke, his words echoed the pain he'd felt at the thought of losing Phil.

Suddenly, Phil understood a little better. He'd given Dan the wrong impression, assuming that anytime he wanted or needed Phil, he could just call him back and try again. He'd thought he could just throw Phil away and get him back anytime he wanted. The thought hurt, that Dan would want that, but a larger part of Phil understood.

He'd always understood that Dan didn't know how to be a companion, had always understood that Phil being around so much was overwhelming to him, and now, he just felt guilty for not having told Dan the truth.

Phil leaned forward, pressed the tip of his wet nose to Dan's, and drew back slowly.

"I won't lie. It hurts to hear that you - that you thought you could just play with me like that. But I realise now I made a mistake not giving you all of the information," Phil whispered. "I'm sorry I put you through that."

"I didn't realise it was playing," Dan whispered in return, closing his eyes when Phil's cold nose lightly touched his own. Dan tangled his fingers in Phil's fur and drew him closer, scratching behind his ear as he tried to better explain what had been going on the past few weeks. "When you just appeared - I didn't know what that meant for you. I never quite grasped how important it was that you be with me - it's my fault, my ignorance. I never paid attention to familiars before, and you're the one that suffered for it."

Dan swallowed, opening his eyes again to watch the way Phil was curled up close to him and emitting soft purrs as Dan scratched behind his ear. "You don't need to apologise. I was completely overwhelmed, I know why you didn't tell me." He heaved a heavy sigh. "I just wish I'd understood sooner. I never _ever_ wanted this."

Dan's fingers were tight and clinging as they threaded through Phil's fur, scratching behind his ear and preventing Phil from moving very far away at all. Phil didn't mind, purring at the sensation of being _needed_ so much, and closed his eyes as Dan stroked him. He curled up under Dan's neck, and just leaned into Dan's touch, happy to be _wanted._

He could learn to trust this. One day.

Phil didn't understand how Dan had gone so long ignorant of familiars though, but he also understood that they were both at fault, both ignorant to each other's needs, both unsure how to handle the situation they'd been trapped in. It made the heaviness ache harder in Phil's heart, as he realized that he'd messed up just as bad, when he'd been met to the be the knowledgeable one. He was supposed to take care of Dan, and he hadn't. So far, he'd failed as a familiar.

Phil didn't get the chance to speak up on the subject, however, before Dan was moving on. Phil's eyes opened slowly, and he stared at Dan as he spoke, words tinted with pain and sadness all over again.

Dan furrowed his brow as he looked at Phil, saying delicately, "I think I first understood when I tried to reach out to you, when you were… when you were in the alley, and you blocked me out. You put shields up and I felt terrible. Being cut off from you was the worst thing in the world." He shuddered. "Is that - is that what it was like for you, whenever I tried to get away? I had shields up for so long..."

"Yes," Phil admitted quietly. "But I knew I could handle it, if it meant making you happy. I craved the intimacy of that, but it wasn't… it wasn't as important as you being happy," Phil admitted. "I'm sorry, Dan," he continued. "I promised to show you the ropes, but I taught you nothing. I made us both suffer, and it's my fault."

Dan's face fell as Phil confirmed that it did indeed feel like being shut out every time Dan put up his shields. He shuddered. The memory of trying so desperately to reach for Phil and being met with only hard resistance was one of the worst in Dan's life, and he hated the thought that he'd put Phil through that every single time they interacted.

"It's not just your fault," Dan murmured, and he nudged his face against Phil's warm body where Phil was curled up in his neck. "You were trying to protect me. I was constantly lashing out. I didn't realise how easy it was for me to hurt you." Dan curled both his arms protectively around Phil, one hand scratching at his ear as the other hand lightly petted Phil's back. He vowed to himself never to do that again - to learn what he did that could hurt Phil, and then avoid ever doing it again.

But first, he had to make sure he was keeping Phil this time, for good. So Dan tilted his head until he could press his face into Phil's fur and promised fiercely, "No more shields. At least not on my end. I know… I expect it to take some time for you to trust me again. But, Phil - do you want to stay with me?" Dan's voice cracked again, his words vibrating against Phil's fur. "Please. I don't want you to leave, but - but I won't force you to do anything against your will. You say you want to make me happy, but _I_ want _you_ to be happy, too. It's a balance."

Phil partially agreed with Dan. He was still hurt by the way Dan had rejected him so firmly, and then forced Phil to come back from the precipice of death. He was still hurt and scared that it had been out of guilt and not desire that Dan had brought him back at all. The wound that Dan had thought he could essentially use Phil and throw him away anytime he wanted was still raw, and he winced at the very thought of it, but it was also his own fault. He should never have led Dan to believe that this was anything less serious than it actually was. His heart ached at their misunderstanding, and he closed his eyes against the tears as Dan pressed his face into his fur.

Phil shuddered, but it was a good shudder. Having Dan cuddling into him like that felt wonderful. He breathed in and out deeply, purring quietly, the sound still broken but healing. It was mending, as was his heart, far faster than he should probably trust it to mend.

But Dan was his witch, and his witch would always be the most important thing to him.

He turned his head to peer at the side of Dan's face as the words were pressed to his fur, hope and excitement flaring through him in another mass of magic that made Phil's fur sing. The lights in the room flickered on and off, and Phil was practically vibrating with want for what Dan was offering him. He couldn’t control it any better than he'd controlled it in Dan's office, but this time, his magic was still so weak it didn't send them both flying.

"Of course I want to stay with you," Phil complained. "How long have I been telling you that?" He stood on trembling paws, forcing Dan to look at him, and shifted his weight on Dan's clavicles, his heart and magic singing with the plea in Dan's voice. He wanted nothing more than to jump on the offer of acceptance, but he was still wary.

"I'm just scared you'll change your mind again. Once you accept me, Dan, it can't be undone. I don't - I don't want either of us to be unhappy.

As the lights started to flicker and Dan could feel Phil vibrating against him, he started to get worried that Phil was doing something magical again, but nothing was flying around and his room still looked intact, so Dan figured he was safe at least for now. He glanced up at Phil as Phil stood on his chest and leaned over him, and it was strange but kind of nice to be looking _up_ at Phil for once.

A crease appeared in Dan's forehead as he tried to understand what Phil was saying. "So - from what I gather - if I accept you, that's like, a formal thing where we officially tie ourselves together?" He almost recoiled at the words, suppressing his natural revulsion to anything that sounded so… final. He had Phil here, and that was the most important thing. Besides, Phil said he wanted to stay with Dan, and that sent unspeakable amounts of happiness coursing through his veins.

Dan sighed at Phil's fears, and reached up to stroke the top of his head. "I don't want to change my mind again. But I understand where you're coming from. We could - maybe we should give it a while. Try actually successfully communicating for a bit, see how it works with you living here. I want you to be happy here, not just forced to be with me." He looked up into Phil's eyes again, then, trying to look sincere rather than challenging. "I think we need to learn about each other. Properly, this time."

Phil couldn't help the sensation of crushing disappointment. He shouldn't have expected anything else, though. It was just that Dan kept promising over and over how much he never wanted to lose Phil again, and yet he was still holding himself back. If he didn't accept Phil, Phil could only live in limbo for so long before his body decided he'd been rejected. Mikel had only lasted the hundred or so years that he'd managed because he hadn't ever interacted with his witch. Being so close to Dan without a proper answer would leave Phil far more vulnerable.

He bit his lip, looked away from Dan, and settled back down.

He knew Dan was right, though. He'd implied it himself. There was no use in tethering themselves together if it meant they would be unhappy in the end.

It was just a terrifying thought that Phil might have to go through that rejection again. Having his life force and magic sucked out of him… Phil shuddered at the memory.

"Okay," he eventually settled on, trying not to let the hurt be obvious in his voice. "We only have so long, though. I don't know exactly how long, but eventually, if you don't make a decision... my magic will assume rejection, and I don't know if you can drag me back twice." His paws dug into Dan's shirt, and he pressed his head under Dan's chin again, eyes closed. He let out a soft sigh, breathing going back to even and normal, and just hoped that this time, things might actually work out.

Phil's words sent a cold fear gripping at Dan's heart. He hadn't known that. He'd had no idea, in fact, that there was a time limit on Phil being here, and for Phil, this was quite literally life or death. It was about time that Dan started taking this seriously and not just constantly putting his own needs and wants first.

"Alright then," he said decisively, sitting up and dislodging Phil so that he slid with a yowl down into Dan's lap. Dan's lips twitched, but his hands were quickly back on Phil, gently stroking and comforting him until Dan managed to scoop him up into his arms. Pressing Phil to his chest, Dan got shakily to his feet, his long body stretching properly for the first time since last night.

Phil slid down Dan's body with a panicked yowl, taken too much by surprise to even attempt grabbing on with his claws to keep him safe. He landed with a small thump on Dan's lap, glaring up at his witch even as warm hands immediately came down to stroke and pet at him, scooping him up the way Dan had gotten into a habit of doing recently, and drawing Phil back to his chest as he stood up himself. Unable to stay too mad when Dan was holding him like he was something precious, cradled to his chest just over his heart, Phil closed his eyes and let himself be content, even as he tried to give off a practiced air of annoyance that he didn't actually truly feel.

"Let's get started,” Dan declared, and then he was moving through to his living room and going to his bookshelves, hunting through them and looking for everything and anything that might have even a slight mention of familiars.

Sadly, there wasn’t much. Dan hadn’t known about familiars for a reason, as Dan had actively avoided any lessons or classes or books on the custom his whole life. He had the very basics, from what was compulsory at school, but beyond that Dan had never sought out more knowledge. It had always scared him too much.

Sadly, it meant his books were sadly lacking in anything that could help him learn more about Phil. If they didn't have much time, then Dan was going to get himself educated as fast as possible so he and Phil could start actually making some progress. The thought of putting Phil through all that pain again tore at Dan's heart. He was determined to do things right this time.

Thankfully, the apothecary downstairs had more books stocked, because Dan cared about his customers enough to supply them with books beyond his own interests. He was sure there were a few volumes on his shelves that should have more information about familiars. So Dan carefully set Phil down on his sofa, murmuring, “Wait here. I’m going to go and get some books from downstairs, and then I’m going to start learning about you properly.”

They started moving almost immediately, with Phil confused as to what they were actually doing, but he didn't ask any questions as he opened his eyes and watched where Dan led them. His gaze was curious as it flashed over the walls he'd become familiar with through watching Dan, and then he was staring as Dan seemed to refuse to put Phil down long enough to gather the books his magic was quickly assembling. Excited to see Dan's magic in action again, Phil smiled and watched, wondering what Dan was planning on doing now.

After a few moments of gathering books, however, Dan sighed kind of sadly and looked down at Phil in his arms, chewing his bottom lip as he thought.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, eyes wide and a little scared until Dan placed him down on the couch, murmuring softly for Phil to just stay right here for a moment while Dan went to go gather some more books from his shop downstairs. At the realization that Dan was trying to _learn_ about Phil, that he was going to drop everything and finally start trying to learn, Phil collapsed in surprise against the cushions Dan had placed him on.

Surprised, but undeniably happy, Phil smiled, and curled up where Dan had placed him. His tail twitched, and then swished, and his fur suddenly felt lighter as some of Phil's passion for life actually returned, a light purr starting up as Dan left the room, because his witch… wanted to try. His witch was taking this seriously enough that he wasn’t even going to make do with the large pile of books he had in his home. He wanted _more_ , to understand Phil properly and completely, and the thought of that was almost overwhelming in how good it was.

The apothecary was eerily quiet when Dan headed down the stairs. PJ was still out, probably well aware that Dan needed some time alone with his familiar to fix some of the colossal mess Dan had managed to make of things. Dan was forever grateful for PJ. The ‘closed’ sign was hung up in the doorway, as well. Dan blew out a sigh of relief. He had some time to deal with Phil, then, to patch things up in his own life before he tried to fix things with his work.

The bookshelves were at the back of the store. Dan didn’t come here often, leaving PJ to check the stocks of the main shop while Dan tended the greenhouse out the back. There were lots of old, dusty books, ranging from history to equations to herbology to defense, and… yes, on the third shelf from the bottom, a section about familiars.

Dan picked up as many books as he could see that might be even vaguely relevant, using his magic to float them in the air when he could no longer carry them. Satisfied, Dan headed back up the stairs with all the books following him, and set them down on the table with a crash that disturbed Phil.

Dan chuckled at his wide blue eyes. “Don’t worry; it’s just information gathering. Come over here.”

When Dan returned, it was with such a loud noise of books crashing down on top of a table top that Phil flinched, arching up and off of where he’d been settled on the sofa to stare up at Dan with wide eyes. For one, terrible moment, Phil though that Dan was angry at him, that he was about to be accused of lying or something equally as ridiculous that would just send Phil right back into a tailspin of rejection. Before his magic could start to panic, however, Dan was talking again, voice soft and reassuring and calm.

Despite that part of Phil that feared trusting Dan after all that they had been through, when Dan offered for Phil to come over there, he jumped off of the sofa and trotted to Dan’s side, where Dan picked him up before settling down on the chair at his desk.

Phil’s eyes were still wide in surprise and slight fear, but Dan’s body was _warm_ , and he found himself relaxing before he knew it.

Dan settled himself down at his desk, cradling Phil in his lap, and pulled the first book towards him. "I'm going to learn," he promised Phil, "As much as I can, everything about you. You still need to rest, I think, so if you're happy you can sleep here, with me." Absentmindedly, Dan reached down and scratched Phil's ear again, turning his attention to his books.

Phil didn't bother replying to Dan. Instead, he soaked in the warmth of Dan's body, the comfort of his presence and scent, and just let himself nap - something that would always be his favorite past time.

Not to mention, Dan seemed to be the only thing really helping Phil to recover, and no matter how much he wanted to pretend he was okay, his magic wasn't nearly back up to par yet, and he still felt heavy with near-death symptoms and thoughts that Dan was slowly starting to help dissipate.

Phil felt lighter as Dan did his research. It was clear Dan wanted to fix them as soon as possible, and while it still hurt Phil's fragile ego that Dan needed more time, he knew he needed more time too.

Hours passed in that way, with Dan reading and Phil dozing lightly on his lap. Dan was more relieved than he liked to admit that Phil had stayed with him, seeming to prefer being close to Dan even if it mean forgoing a bed or cushion to sleep on. Dan's hand was always on Phil, absently, scratching his ear or stroking his back, and it did them both good to remember that they were still together.


	8. Chapter 8

Dan learned a lot from his books. He learned how familiars literally only existed to be accepted and cherished by their witch, and their only strength and life force came from being wanted. That was why rejection was such a terrible thing. When Dan read the paragraphs on why witches who rejected their familiars were frowned upon and hated so much by society, both familiars and witches, he held back a shudder. He'd come so close to making such a terrible mistake, and all because he couldn't be bothered to learn and instead whined like a giant manchild the whole time Phil had been around.

So Dan learned. He learned how familiar-witch relationships were supposed to work, how their magic complimented each other, how their skills and purpose were best when they were together. He learned what acceptance really meant, and how to go about it, and that apparently the familiar could take on a human form once they were accepted. Dan admitted to being intrigued about what Phil would look like human. He learned about the history of familiars and witches, how they had first come to be partnered up, how magic bound them together so tightly that their lives could never truly be fulfilled without the other. They were soulmates, made for each other, and it could be the most beautiful thing in the world if it worked properly.

Dan read and read and read well into the evening, only stopping when his stomach started angrily growling at him and reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything all day. Dan blinked. He hadn't opened the shop, either, or checked the news, but he figured it must have become clear now that the streets were safe again. PJ had probably pieced it all together and taken care of the shop, though he was glad that he hadn't come to disturb Dan. Not while Phil was still around.

Carefully, Dan patted Phil's head, who was still in his lap, in order to give him some warning this time rather than just scooping him straight into his arms. He'd learned a lot more about the culture of familiars, but he still had loads to discover about Phil himself. "Hey," Dan murmured. "How are you feeling? I need to go and make some dinner, do you want to come with me?"

Dozing was always good. Phil could doze for days. Sleeping, though, that was strange. Cat's rarely fell asleep entirely, let alone familiars, and it had already surprised Phil greatly that he'd done it twice in Dan's presence. A third time just seemed outrageous even to him, but he jumped when Dan's hand suddenly seem to come out of nowhere to pat him on the head. This time, at least he didn't throw himself across the room, and he looked up at Dan as he blinked himself slowly awake.

It took him a moment to assess himself, but once Phil had, he realised he actually was doing much better now. The angry buzz of pain was gone from under his skin, and he didn’t feel so much like death was at his doorstep. His magic didn't feel fully recovered, but he didn't care as he smiled and purred up at Dan, blinking lazily. "Good," he answered blearily, leaning his head into Dan's stomach and rubbing his ears lightly there, just because he could.

He nodded easily at Dan offering for Phil to go into the kitchen with him, and sighed happily when Dan scooped him back up and into his arms. It seemed Dan was just as reluctant to let Phil go as Phil was to stop touching Dan, and it filled him with a special kind of warmth.

"How goes the learning?" he asked as Dan, unfortunately, deposited Phil down onto the counter. Phil sprawled out, exposing his belly because he felt _safe._

Dan was fighting off a smile as he watched Phil sprawl out across his kitchen counter on his back, his paws up in the air and his head stretched right back. He couldn't resist giving his belly a little rub before turning to his pots and pans and starting up some dinner. His stomach growled in appreciation.

"The learning goes well," Dan affirmed as he cooked. "I think, anyway. I know much more about our culture. Although - is it true you don't really have much control over your magic? Like, you can do stuff if you want, but sometimes it'll just burst out of you without you meaning it to?"

Dan was curious, because that would explain a lot about Phil accidentally destroying his office or throwing Dan across a pavement, but Dan hadn't ever considered it as a possibility before. Witches had to train to use their magic, learning spells and potions, and only very rarely was it something as instinctual as familiars' seemed to be.

Phil closed his eyes with a small smile as Dan automatically reached out to rub Phil's belly, and emitted a pleased noise, happy that Dan seemed to want to touch him so much. It helped with some of the sting of _still_ not being accepted yet, technically, and it helped to remind Phil that they were both here, and together now.

"Yes," Phil agreed. "Familiar magic is intertwined with our emotions. Sometimes, we really can't help ourselves and we'll have an accident. It's a lot more tethered once we've been accepted by our witches, however, as their magic helps to control our own - not that we don't still have outbursts. It can be... quite destructive at times, but the good thing is, we can usually undo the damage," he explained, rolling back onto his side and peering up at Dan happily to hear him wanting to learn about familiars.

"It's - it's why I've made a mess of things, I think. I get so happy, and then suddenly it's like I can't keep my magic from exploding, and...and sometimes that scares me enough that my magic goes out of control in a different way," he said. "But I've heard rumours that your witch can stop it, if they're powerful enough, or if they're close enough."

Dan's eyes brightened in understanding, and then his face fell as he remembered all the times he'd shouted at Phil before for what had clearly been magical accidents. How long had he been mistreating Phil from a lack of understanding? It was a wonder Phil had stuck around at all. Dan was more than grateful that he had, though, and that they had this one last chance to try and make it work.

Not wanting to spend too long cooking, Dan eventually just magicked some of the leftover chicken into the pan to fry and stuck some potatoes with it, leaving it to cook so he could turn his full attention back to Phil. Phil was still on his back, watching Dan cook but not helping for once. Dan wondered if that was because he was still mad, or if he wasn't quite recovered from near-death yet. Either way, Dan wasn't happy.

"I didn't know that was possible," he explained, reaching out to rub Phil's belly again, seeing as he'd got such a good reaction the first time. "I'm sorry, I should never have shouted at you for it if you were just happy or scared. Maybe I can learn to help you with your magic - I mean, if you want help." Dan's eyes dimmed a bit. "PJ said your magic is really strong, even for a familiar."

Phil's eyes closed again as Dan reached out to rub at his belly, purring loudly despite how sad and broken it sounded, to get Dan to keep doing it. He wanted that comfort, knew he was close to falling apart if Dan truly parted with him right now, and just wanted to encourage Dan to keep doing what he was doing.

"I'm surprised it's not out of control right now," Phil admitted quietly. "I've never been so - emotionally unstable." It was true; Phil largely felt out of control, and he didn't know how he wasn't sending things flying, or blowing out light bulbs. It had hardly taken the happiness at a near acceptance from Dan for Phil to get onto his feet, and now the waves of sadness and fear and guilt rolling through him weren't enough even to make Phil's fur sing with the energy of it.

"It's not your fault, Dan," Phil responded, voice soft and low. "I can't imagine how annoying it was to have something... so emotional suddenly appear in your life, upending everything. I can't imagine what it was like dealing with something that couldn't control itself, whose emotions were constant and exuberant and _there._ From the little glances I've had at you... it doesn't seem like that's something you’re accustomed to dealing with. I couldn't be mad at you for getting angry, annoyed... anything."

Phil opened his eyes again slowly, peering up at Dan cautiously and as softly as he could. "Help would be - help would be nice, though.” The only person in the world who could ever help Phil was Dan, so of course he'd take that offer. He didn't want to lose control like he so often did, didn't want to send things flying and destroy things, whether he could fix them or not.

"That must mean your magic is very strong," Phil murmured in agreement. "I'd like to meet PJ someday. I've never had friends. Is he a good one of yours? I've seen you work together, but you rarely see him outside of your shop..."

Dan's chest constricted at the idea that Phil might be unstable enough to start accidentally sending things flying again. His magic had been so destructive in all the accidental bursts Phil had witnessed so far, and with how close they still were to his near-rejection, with how weak he still seemed to be, Dan didn't want to risk anything. He couldn't bear the thought of accidentally hurting Phil, or Phil accidentally hurting himself, by being out of control.

"Then I'll help you however I can," Dan promised. Phil was being very understanding, but Dan didn't really think he could be forgiven. It wasn't Phil's fault that he'd been dumped into the lap of someone who knew literally nothing about any of this. Phil had needed help, and Dan hadn't been there. He was supposed to be a healer and he couldn't even help the person closest to him.

He figured Phil didn't need to hear that right now, though.

"PJ is my assistant," Dan agreed, a crease appearing in his brow. "I don't really - I don't really have close friends. As you've probably gathered, I'm a bit of a loner." He glanced down, pulling his dinner off the heat when it was ready and carelessly sending it over to a plate. "But I'm sure you can meet him, if you want. He'll want to know all about what's happened with you, anyway. I think he was a bit offended that I hadn't told him you’d showed up in the first place."

With that, Dan turned back to studying Phil, brow furrowing further at how weak he seemed. He was still sprawled out and purring, but the purrs were softer and more broken than they ever had been before, and he was panting a little with every breath. He didn't look anything like as healthy as he had when he'd first shown up. Dan couldn't help but feel guilty.

"If you like..." he started uncertainly, "I could try and heal you now. I mean, I don't really know what to do, but I'm a healer and it's my strongest magic, so...I could have a go? I'll be careful. And only if you want me to," he hastened to stress, "Only if you're ready to try the bond again. I just - I don't want you to be in pain," he mumbled.

Phil hummed softly as Dan turned back to his food and started talking about PJ, someone Phil had seen a few times but who’d always seemed almost even more busy than Dan. PJ always dealt with Dan's customers, and from time to time, Phil could vaguely recall having seen his raven, a beautiful creature who he was excited to meet and speak with for the first time. For a second, Phil froze up, wondering if Dan would even allow that, but then he realised what Dan had said about PJ wanting to meet Phil, and he relaxed again, because Dan was telling him that he _could_ , if he wanted.

He didn't want to admit it, but Phil didn't want to be a secret anymore. They'd tried that for less than twenty-four hours, and everything had flown out of control. Phil thought maybe they both needed someone in this world to help them navigate what it meant to have a familiar.

Opening his eyes again when Dan's voice went uncertain and awkward, Phil peered up at his witch, and considered. He didn't know if Dan could actually do anything about Phil's mental and physical state at the moment, didn't know if there was any way in which he could help heal and calm Phil from all that had happened, but he _was_ kind of hurting, though the pain was significantly more bearable than the last three days had been.

Uncertain for a moment, Phil stared at Dan. Did he want to try the bond again? Did he feel safe enough to let Dan in that much again?

"Okay," he agreed quietly, tensing with fear, but certain that he wanted this. "I don't know how much you can do, but... if you want to try, I won't stop you."

There were steps they needed to take to fix what had been broken, and one of those steps was Phil not allowing fear to hold him back.

Dan was a mix of relieved and terrified when Phil agreed to let him try. Relieved, because it meant that Phil was willing to try the bond again - and ever since experiencing just how good that intimacy could be, Dan had kind of been craving it. He'd never let himself truly feel it before, but being so involved with another person was kind of euphoric, and Dan would give anything to get the chance to try it again.

On the other hand - he'd have to be really careful not to hurt Phil. Dan hadn't had much chance, but in his books he'd seen that the bond was their greatest strength, but also their most dangerous weakness. They were both at their most vulnerable when they were open to each other, and it meant they both had much more power to hurt each other. Dan wasn't going to hurt Phil anymore, he refused to allow it.

Carefully, Dan reached out to pet Phil again, remembering that he'd read that the bond was increased the closer they were physically. He closed his eyes and nudged gently at the back of his mind, feeling the bond opening. This time, he took it slow, not wanting to overwhelm either of them, and it was a whole new experience to slowly become so aware of another person's presence.

Dan wasn't quite the same as last time they'd tried this, though. That time, he’d been desperate and careless, digging into whatever bits of Phil he could find. This time, he moved carefully, finding and treasuring every new piece that Phil let him see, let him feel. There was still pain there, and hurt, and fear. It broke Dan's heart to see how much Phil feared that this couldn't last.

Although unsure on exactly what he could do, Dan was a healer by nature, and he'd been casting healing spells for about as long as he could remember. Phil's hurts weren't so different to the burns and scrapes and cuts that Dan usually treated, not really, not if he pictured them in the right way. So, carefully, Dan fed some of his magic through their bond and gently soothed over Phil's pain, knitting together whatever tears he found and gently lending him strength wherever he could. He wasn't sure how much of an effect he was having, but it seemed to be doing some good, he thought.

After a few long moments of this, Dan withdrew just as slowly as he'd entered, not wanting to startle Phil or prolong this if it hurt him. "Could you feel that?" he murmured aloud, not wanting to take advantage and speak through their bond again if that wasn't something Phil wanted. Dan wasn't sure about it either, to be honest. This new...closeness...was still a lot for him to take in, and though he was sure he wanted to experience it, he thought it was better to take it slow for now. For both their sake's.

It was clear that Dan had learned a lot. His fingers were soft and warm as they threaded through Phil's fur, and his mind and soul were a gentle nudge when he started to open up the bond between them again, truly exploring it as he nudged in gently. It had been euphoric the first time Dan had ever touched him like this, something Phil had thought he'd always want to try again, but it was becoming apparent very quickly how different and _better_ what Dan was doing now was.

The first time, Dan had plowed in like a rampaging bull, and while it hadn't hurt, it had been overwhelming. Now, though, Dan's touches were soft, and his soul a whisper against Phil's. It started out warm, and it grew hotter and hotter until Phil felt alight with the knowledge that Dan was there, and it was... it was truly glorious.

Dan was just as exposed to Phil as Phil was to Dan, and suddenly, Phil was wrought with the rawness of Dan's emotions. He was... he was devastated. Phil could see how broken he was over nearly losing Phil, and he could practically _see_ how Dan had fallen apart when Phil had been destroying himself. He'd managed to get so close to Phil even then, without knowing where Phil actually was, having been just outside of Phil's alleyway.

He'd been so close, and yet so far away, and his heart had been broken, and he'd been so terrified as Phil had fallen apart, screaming at him and pushing him away.

The rawness of the emotion broke at Phil, and he whined softly, moving a paw on top of Dan's to comfort him. They were both too far gone in each other, though, just existing in this space where they were vulnerable, but safe.

Phil knew one wrong move and they could hurt each other beyond anything else, but even with that thought, Phil didn't try and shove Dan out. He embraced him, accepted all of him, and shuddered as Dan's magic suddenly poured in along side his own. He moaned as it began to heal him, knitting together things that Phil's own magic hadn't reached just yet, soothing something broken and unsettled inside of him that had been preventing him magic from working properly.

But it didn't hurt, and Phil was relieved when Dan didn't seem to notice his verbal reactions and try and stop. It was like having a salve pressed to a wound, the kind of sensation that was relieving and amazing all in one. Phil's magic seemed to flood through him as Dan's worked away at him, and suddenly, the blackness in his mind and heart, the residual pain, it was all gone.

Phil nearly collapsed with relief, not having realized just how bad it actually was until it was completely gone. The realisation of just how terrible the last few day's events had been hit him hard, then, and he meant to cling to Dan as he withdrew, but he was too bowled over by his own emotion.

It seemed to take ages before Phil could even focus on the real world, but when he did, he opened his eyes to find that he had, in fact, destroyed a lightbulb or two. The table under him was shaking as well, but Dan's voice was soft and calming against him.

"Yes," Phil breathed, "I felt it all." His eyes felt wet, but cats never truly cried, and so he just stared up at Dan with total adoration and relief, hoping that he'd understand just how much that had meant and done for Phil.

Dan grew worried when the lights started flickering and the kitchen counter began to tremble, but he kept his movements slow and soothing, not wanting to startle Phil and possibly make it even worse. His fingers curled gently in Phil's fur, and although he had mostly withdrawn, Dan kept the bond open, making his presence known to Phil through soothing little emotions and words that he passed through to him. This openness was new, and hard, but Dan could grow to get used to it. He liked having Phil so close to him, liked knowing that Phil was with him and nearby and seeing all of Dan and _accepting him_.

As Phil answered him, Dan looked at him and was struck by the emotion and wetness to his eyes. There was so much going on in his head, so many emotions from him, that Dan was having difficulty sifting through them all to figure out if Phil was okay. For a moment, Dan was terrified that he'd gone too far and accidentally hurt Phil, but another quick check of the bond told him the complete opposite. In fact, his healing magic had worked better than he’d expected it to. None of Dan's spells had ever taken hold so strongly before, and he took it to be because he and Phil were much more closely linked than any of Dan's patients had been before.

He stroked Phil gently, scratching behind his ear and showering him with as much affection as he could. He nuzzled the top of Phil's head, kissing him once, and then scratched behind his ear again, trying to show how glad he was that he'd finally been able to do something to help rather than keep causing Phil more problems.

"Good," he murmured, dinner forgotten as he watched Phil lean into his touch. "I'll help you whenever I can." In soothing Phil, Dan hoped that he'd be able to stop any more bursts of his magic, at least for the moment, because he didn't want Phil to get any more overwhelmed than he'd already had to be.

Affection. Touch. _Love._ Phil could feel it all as Dan showered him in attention, going so far as to lean down and kiss the top of his head, his hands warm and big and soft as they touched him. Phil's heart was racing, but this time it was out of a sense of euphoric want. This was all that he'd ever wanted, all that he'd ever needed, just to have Dan accepting and caring for him. Phil had never known how much a familiar needed their witch until just this moment.

Dan was right. It was a balance. Phil couldn’t be happy if Dan wasn't happy, but Phil also couldn't be happy without the love he craved. He needed Dan more than he needed air to breathe, and it felt so good to have that, to have _this._

He purred, rolled into Dan, nuzzled at the skin of his forearm once he realised if he rolled any further he was going to fall off the counter entirely. He felt okay again, he felt whole again. Most of all, he felt like himself again, and it was all because of Dan - Dan who'd allowed them both to be vulnerable when Phil already knew that Dan didn't like that, didn't feel comfortable with that.

Giddy with the love and emotion flowing through him, Phil licked Dan's arm a few times, and closed his eyes.

Dan snickered, quickly moving his arms into place when Phil threatened to roll right off the counter if he wasn't careful. He wrapped his arms carefully around Phil, holding him in place on the counter and keeping him secure and safe. Dan thought he could get used to that job - keeping Phil safe.

When Phil licked his forearm, Dan squealed, not used to that rough, wet feeling. He settled quickly enough, though, and gently poked Phil's nose, snickering at the way it made him sneeze. "Well, if you're going to be like that, you'll have to expect some retaliation."

After a little while longer of scratching behind Phil's ear, Dan's stomach growled again and he belatedly remembered his dinner. Not really wanting to be away from Phil, though, Dan simply scooped Phil up into his arms, cradling him in one arm, while his free hand grabbed for his plate and he could move through into his other room. Once he was settled down into his sofa cushions, Dan let Phil curl up in his lap and ate his dinner with his other hand, frowning down at Phil.

"Do you need food, too?" Dan asked. He remembered that Phil ate the clouds from his other world, but he kind of didn't want Phil to leave. Still, Phil _did_ need to eat, and if he still couldn't eat the food from this world because Dan hadn't fully accepted him yet, then it was hardly fair for Dan to keep him here.

Healed as he was, Phil felt like he actually had the energy to move around on his own again, but Dan seemed content to keep Phil close, so Phil settled a little grumpily in Dan's lap as he went to eat his dinner. It smelled good, but there was nothing about it that was appealing to the familiar. He knew, once Dan accepted him, it would be appealing, and he couldn’t help feeling excited at the prospect of sharing meals with Dan instead of watching him for once. The whole thing seemed to remind both Dan and Phil that they both needed to eat, though, and now that his strength was back, Phil was suddenly very aware of just how hungry he actually was.

He twitched, not wanting to go home yet, not wanting to be away from Dan, but also aware that he had to do something. He couldn't bring the clouds back with him, wasn't actually certain he'd be allowed in his own world again, but he sighed as he rolled in Dan's lap until he was on his back again staring up at Dan. Curling into Dan was Phil's all time favourite thing.

"I don't want to leave you," Phil admitted, hoping the words wouldn't make Dan uncomfortable. "But I have to eat. I have to recover."

Far from being uncomfortable, Dan instead smiled at Phil, warm at the sight of him sprawling out across Dan's lap. He liked seeing Phil close to him, having him near and safe and warm. It was even better to hear that Phil didn't actually want to leave him. The continuing fear that Phil was only here because he had to be was dissipating with every movement Phil made to show that he liked being close to Dan, especially after seeing into his own thoughts and fears through their bond.

"I don't really want you to go, either," Dan confessed quietly. He set his plate down far away and instead turned his full attention to Phil, running fingers through the soft fur on his belly. "But you do need to eat. I suppose you have to do that in your world, still? You can't eat our food?"

Dan sighed, already knowing the answer. Until he fully accepted Phil, then Phil would still be torn between worlds, not fully belonging to either. It was a horrible in-between to be caught in, and not somewhere that Dan wanted to leave Phil for long. He was just terrified of messing up again, of making the decision too soon and accidentally causing them both harm. So far, they'd both been acting rashly. It seemed about time to take things slow. No matter how much Dan wished to hurry things on.

Phil would never get over how it felt to have Dan rubbing his fur. He sighed into the touch, and just kind of melted. He felt like a puddle of fur and contentment, and he didn't want to leave even more, except Dan seemed content to continue reminding Phil that he really should go and eat.

Sighing, Phil rolled until he was falling out of Dan's lap, landing on his paws, and shook himself. It was better to rip the plaster off fast, so to speak, so though he ached to be near Dan, he forced their space.

"No, I'll have to go to my world. I'll be back soon, though," Phil explained, moving to rub his body across Dan's calves. "I promise," he added, aware of just how afraid Dan was that if he couldn't touch Phil, see Phil, hear his heartbeat, that Phil might just disappear.

With one final wave of his tail as it curled around Dan's leg, Phil disappeared with a loud crack, and immediately groaned in pain as he was sent flying into his world.

**

Dan sighed, but agreed as Phil jumped off his lap in preparation to go to his own world. It made sense. Phil needed to eat just as much as Dan did, and it wasn't fair for Dan to keep Phil here when he was hungry. It was his fault they were stuck in this in-between, after all. If he could just make a decision without hurting either of them, then they wouldn't even be in this situation in the first place.

He sighed, feeling it like a tug when Phil winked out of existence. Their bond was cut off as if Phil's shields were up, though Dan assumed that was just because he was back in his world again and so cut off from Dan. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, not now Dan knew just how good and close their bond could be.

With a heavy heart and dragging limbs, Dan wandered morosely back into his kitchen and set about cleaning up after dinner. Ordinarily, he'd do his chores with just a flick of his fingers and let his magic take over, but this time, he did it by hand. It was good to take his mind off Phil for a while.

**

Phil’s world felt like it was on fire. He’d never heard such a loud crack before when he moved between worlds, and he’d never felt a searing pain like this before as he landed, hard, in the field he’d intended to land in. The impact had him gasping before he knew it, and he yowled in pain as he writhed on the floor, confused by the way his body sent tiny shock waves of pain throughout him.

The other familiars eating turned to him with wide eyes and surprised expressions, their thoughts slamming into him suddenly and painfully. Panicked cries of "you're alive!?" and "Oh my God, Phil, you're okay!" screaming through him, until he was screaming out in pain, magic exploding around him and shutting everything out. Phil was trapped in a small bubble as he watched those around him try and approach, crowding around him like they hadn't seen him come back to life, like they hadn’t know it was even possible to do so.

Phil couldn't blame them, even as his magic protected him, but he hurt all over and he realised quickly that he didn't have much time. Clearly, he couldn't keep coming back to this world - it hurt too much. The damage had been done, and Phil was suddenly terrified of what was happening to him. Coming back the way he had... it was unprecedented, and there was only one elder left other than Mikel he could speak to.

Phil wasn't even sure he would have the answers as he threw up a shield to keep Dan from sensing his panic, fear, and pain, but he stood on shaking legs and threw himself forward through the throng of confused familiars.

Food could come later. Phil had magic to figure out.

**

The flat felt cold and empty without Phil in it. Dan hadn’t realised just how lonely it was possible to feel - he’d always thought of himself as someone who preferred his own company, and maybe that had been true before, but now…

Now, Dan knew what it was like to have Phil in his life. Turning around and seeing a little black shape chasing after something only he could see, or specks of dust, tail waving high in the air…

Dan shook himself. He got abruptly to his feet, picking up his now-empty plate and heading into the kitchen. He couldn’t keep jumping at every shadow, assuming it was Phil. Phil would come back in his own time.

...Wouldn’t he?

Of course he would. Phil had made it more than apparent that he wanted to be in Dan’s life. He was going to come back as soon as he could, and that was that.

Once Dan had cleaned his plate and pans, he set about wiping down all of his counters and sponging the entire kitchen down until the scent of disinfectant was strong everywhere. Phil was taking a long time to return, but Dan tried not to panic. Phil probably had friends to catch up with, people he was missing. Just because Dan was needy didn't mean he had a right to demand Phil's attention on him all the time.

**

Their name was Hyziel, and Phil rarely spoke to or saw them. They were a large, powerful Kangaroo, their fur a patchwork of aged fur and skin in strips of black and purple, face a mask with reds and oranges struck through. They seemed to be waiting for him, though, standing poised and as nonthreatening as possible in a sacred corner of their world, surrounded by cherry blossom tree’s and the blooming flowers beginning to fall away around them

Approaching Hyziel was difficult to do for Phil, however, who had always feared him to a certain extend. He’d never found his witch, and his eyes belied either great power, or a great mistake. Whether the world had doomed him by stealing his witch away but now allowing his soul to pass on with them, or whether their witch merely lived on somehow, older than most of creation, nobody really knew, but it was a great tragedy in the eyes of most familiars.

Phil used to pity him, but he’d learned over the years that some things just… happened for a reason.

“Hyziel,” Phil greeted as he finally worked up the urge to trot over to him, far smaller than the great kangaroo. He was panting as pain surged like knives through his skin, random bursts that echoed through him from time to time the longer he stayed in this world. “What’s happening to me?” he begged, afraid to get any closer, but desperate for answers.

Hyziel gazed carefully at Phil, their head turned as they peered at him with one large black eye, deep as night and impossible to read.

“You should be dead,” Hyziel replied simply. “But you are not.” They spoke no other words, confusing Phil immensely as he waited, hoping for _more_ , an explanation, _help_.

“Please, Hyziel,” Phil begged, when the kangaroo didn’t bother to speak up again, going so far as to turn their head away from Phil like they had no interest in him. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, and you’re the only elder left. I’m begging you, please help me. Has this ever happened before? Do you know what’s happening to me?” he begged, praying the answer would be yet.

“A few times before,” Hyziel eventually responded, turning his great head back to face Dan, his muzzle greying with age. It was the first time Phil had ever seen him appear to grow _older_. “I’ve seen this before, familiars brought back from the precipice of death by powerful witches who saved them at the last minute, mistaken rejections being righted by the hearts of pure witches with no doubt in their mind that they’d made a mistake. Your witch did not mean to reject you,” Hyziel explained gruffly. “It was merely a mistake.”

Phil waited, confused, not understanding. So Dan hadn’t meant to reject him, fine, and apparently _it was_ possible to take back a rejection once one was made, but that didn’t explain the pain Phil was suffering.

‘Hyziel, please,” he begged once again.

“You do not belong here, Philip Lester,” Hyziel nearly growled, swinging his head forward again. Phil’s fur rose in fear, and he cringed backwards, belly low to the ground. “Your witch has created a strong bond with you, a stronger bond than most. You live in a state of half-acceptance now. You belong in the human world, with your witch, not here. Being so far from him is ripping you apart. Go home. This world is no longer yours. Your witch must take a leap of faith and accept you fully, or you will surely die.”

With that, Hyziel turned their back on Phil, effectively shutting him out, and leaving Phil even more terrified than he’d been before. His paws ached as he was forced to walk away by the power of Hyziel’s magic, and he tried not to cry or whine as he marched back through his world and passed staring familiars who’d thought Phil long dead.

He ate with a heavy heart, upset because he appeared to have even less time before he needed to be accepted than he’d realized, and popped back home the second he was full just for an excuse to relieve the never ending, sharp pain running against his skin.

He fell onto Dan’s shoulder, nearly falling as he dug in with sharp claws, shields erasing with Phil’s need to press his soul to Dan’s for comfort and healing.


	9. Chapter 9

The kitchen was spotless and Dan had just started on his living room when Phil suddenly popped back into the world. Claws digging into his shoulder had Dan screeching, but even worse was the sudden reopening of the bond, only this time, it was filled with pain.

Phil's pain, again, and he still seemed to be feeling it as he pressed himself into Dan's shoulder with sharp little claws, desperately grabbing for him.

Moving without thinking, Dan instantly caught Phil and brought him round until he was cradled against Dan's chest instead, head tucked under his neck. Dan shushed him both verbally and through their bond, lowering any shields that had crept up by habit and filling it with soothing emotions instead. He stroked Phil's back, scratched behind his ear, did his best to understand where this pain was coming from and why it had come back to hurt him again.

"Shh, it's ok," Dan murmured, cradling Phil against him. "I've got you. You're with me, you're home, okay?" He was more scared than he was willing to show, fear gripping at his heart with cold fingers at the thought that he'd managed to get Phil hurt again, instead of looking after him.

When enough time had passed, and Phil seemed at least a little calmer, Dan settled back down onto the sofa and cradled Phil gently. "What happened?" he asked, trying to keep his tone gentle. "Are you hurt? Can I heal you again?"

It was agonizing but also relieving to be home and in Dan's arms, the bond shoved open and raw for Phil to settle into, his heart and soul pressing and nudging into Dan's. His head was tucked up under Dan's chin, and his breathing was heavy, his heart racing, as he took in the comfort of being home.

_Home. This is home,_ he thought, reassured by Dan's words and the soothing emotions he was shoving at Phil, trying to calm him and comfort him in the best way he could. Phil appreciated it more than he could say, and while he wished Dan didn't have to feel Phil's pain, Phil was beginning to understand that being pressed so deeply to Dan was the only thing that was going to help heal him.

As Hyziel had said, they'd created a deeper, more powerful bond, and it suddenly made sense why his magic hadn't been able to settle without Dan touching him, pressing his own magic alongside Phil's. His magic thought Phil should be dead, and until he had been accepted, it would continue to act as if he were.

The thought made him want to throw up. He wanted to hide it from Dan, wanted to hide _himself_ from Dan, but the last time he'd done that, things had not turned out well. Phil needed to be honest, even when he knew they had a reason for not wanting to rush the acceptance of Phil into Dan's life.

He was making small whimpering noises when he pushed his thoughts and memories into Dan's head rather than replying, and just let Dan's soul massage over his, calming and healing.

Dan stumbled back a bit, suddenly overwhelmed by the sudden flow of thoughts and memories from Phil's side of the bond. It was the first time they were both completely linked together, each feeding things into their bond, and the resulting closeness was almost too much. Dan closed his eyes, trying to process it. He leaned into Phil, leaned his soul against Phil's, and slowly allowed himself to adjust.

As he gave himself time, the mass of memories from Phil slowly started to make sense, rather than being a confused mix of images and words that were too overwhelming to be clear. But now that he could see, Dan wasn't exactly happy. No, the picture they painted was in fact...quite terrifying.

Phil was, by rights, dead. Dan had never realised just how close to death he'd been, but Dan had rejected him, and that meant Phil shouldn't have survived. It was so rare for a witch to pull their familiar back from the brink. When he saw that, Dan gathered Phil up into his arms and cuddled him as close as he could, rubbing against him. He wouldn't lose Phil. He _couldn't,_ not after everything they'd been through.

But that left them at this awkward impasse - where Phil wasn't dead, but he wasn't accepted. The universe couldn't cope with that position. He shouldn't exist. If Phil wasn't fully accepted soon, then...

Then there might not be much of Phil left.

Dan's heart constricted at the thought. Fear drove him, fear of losing Phil, of making yet another mistake and losing the best thing that had ever come into his life before he'd even got the chance to explore it. And maybe it was too soon, maybe Dan wasn't ready, and he still hadn't proven himself properly to Phil, but maybe they never _would_ be ready. Maybe Dan would never understand everything, or completely know whether or not he wanted Phil in his life.

Maybe the challenge was in taking Phil on anyway, despite that. Like Hyziel had said, Dan had to take a leap of faith.

Gasping, still terrified at the thought of losing Phil or causing him any more pain, Dan lifted Phil up in a way he'd only done once before, and he held Phil in front of his face so he could look straight into his eyes, uncaring that it was a challenge. Just then, he needed to be able to see Phil's face.

"I accept you," Dan whispered, his voice firm if a little quiet. "I accept you, Phil."

As soon as he'd said the words, a roar of magic waved to a crescendo in his skull, and Dan could only gasp before the spell overtook him completely.

Phil wanted to cry. He could feel Dan grasping tightly onto him, terror rushing through them both as Dan suddenly came to understand just how precarious a situation the two of them were actually in, and he whimpered as Dan rubbed his face into Phil's fur, clearly breathing him in as his thoughts turned to the turmoil of losing Phil completely.

Phil hadn't meant to pressure him. Phil hadn't even meant to scare him. The last thing that Phil had ever wanted to do was force himself onto Dan, and yet Dan had dragged him back from certain death, had nursed him back to health, and shown Phil in the past few hours just how serious he was about trying to mend the wrongs he'd done. Maybe they weren't ready, maybe they needed more time and a chance to discover if they really could co-exist together, and maybe Phil shouldn't have shoved his own fear and memories onto Dan, but he'd needed someone else to help him figure things out.

And then Dan was grasping Phil under his front paws and lifting him into Dan's face, and his words washed over Phil with self-assured confidence and sincerity, and then the magic was crashing over them both. Phil howled, feeling something sear through him that he'd never experienced before, something locking him together and dragging out a power in Phil that Phil hadn't even know was there. His body crashed into Dan's, and it was suddenly far longer and far bigger than it had been before - gangly with limbs far lighter in tone than Dan's own.

 

Phil's heart tugged as he landed on top of Dan, his shape entirely wrong, and felt their souls intertwine in a way that he knew could never be undone.

The magic was burning, searing hot as it tore through Dan's veins. It ran like molten gold through him, ripping through everything he'd once known about himself until he felt like he'd been turned completely inside out, but his magic was only strengthening. Everything he thought he knew about himself was ripped away, his limits torn apart until he was left gasping and tender, coursing with power that he hadn't even known he had.

And then, as quickly as it had begun, it was over. Dan barely had a second to catch his breath before something big and heavy was knocking into him and Dan was sent flying backwards, landing awkwardly on the floor on his back with a weight much, much heavier than Phil on his chest. The feeling of fur had gone, replaced with gangly limbs and a sturdy shape much larger than the cat that Dan had grown so accustomed to.

Dan didn't even have time to process this change, though, because the bond he shared with Phil had opened so much that he could literally feel every single one of Phil's senses like they were his own. Dan gasped, completely overwhelmed. He couldn't quite comprehend just how much was being shared with him, how much power was suddenly right at his fingertips. And Phil was sharing it too.

Only...something wasn't quite right. As Dan blinked his eyes open, he came to realise that something very wrong had happened to Phil's body. He wasn't black and fluffy anymore. He wasn't even a _cat_ anymore.

Instead, a fully-fledged man was sprawled on top of Dan, heavy and warm and very much alive.

Dan squawked, struggling, but unable to sit up under the sudden heavy weight pressing him into the carpet. He had no idea what to say, but as he stared, the man lifted his head and he was met with the same blue eyes that had been following him all this time.

Dan stared, shocked. "... _Phil?!_ "

Phil was moaning as he became more aware of himself, suddenly able to sense literally everything that Dan could sense, the feeling overwhelming against his suddenly raw skin. He wanted to hide away from it, but there was no getting away, and Phil felt more exposed now than he ever had before in the past. His body was heavy and strange, he didn't quite know how to move it even as he attempted to climb up and away from Dan, needing that little bit of distance to assuage the over-sensitive sensations prickling over his skin.

He'd just managed to push himself up and away from Dan's face, staring into those soft brown eyes he'd really come to love, when Dan's voice echoed at him, a screech both in his head and in his ears.

Phil winced, rolling the way he might have if he were a cat, and finding that his body weighed far more than he was used to, his head hitting the floor rather hard and uncomfortably as he landed on his back. He stared up at the ceiling above him in confused wonder as his eyes were able to take in so much _more_ and _less_ than before. The entire world appeared different to him, and he couldn't even began to comprehend what had happened.

"Am I - am I human?" Phil wondered, voice timid and scared. "Dan?" he asked, turning a neck that was completely foreign to him and feeling...something prick at his eyes. His hands flashed up, and he whined as arms that looked like Dan's appeared in front of him. "Dan, what - I'm-" he cried out, frightened as he tried to take in his changed form.

Dan could only stare in uncomprehending shock as the man - the man who was apparently Phil - rolled away from him and proceeded to cry out, afraid. Dan could sense through their bond just how alien this was to Phil, just how confused and scared he was as he tried to work out what it was exactly that had happened to him. He winced at the crack Phil's head made when it bounced against the floor, but at least now he was free to sit up and fully take him in.

...And it was then that Dan realised Phil was completely naked.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Dan instantly turned his face up to the ceiling, feeling heat rising on his cheeks. His embarrassment wasn't helping as it leaked through their bond, only adding to Phil's confusion, and Dan winced as he realised more and more that Phil had absolutely no idea what was going on, and he was only getting more scared the longer that Dan went without speaking.

"It's okay," Dan said quickly, flashing a look at Phil's face before looking determinedly up at the ceiling again. His breath caught a little when he saw Phil's features for the first time. Deep black hair contrasted with bright, pale skin, and those blue eyes... it made for a startling look.

Dan drew in a trembling breath, trying to pour as much softness through their bond as he could, but it wasn't helping. In the end, Dan reached out and caught Phil's arm in his grip, grounding him with his touch, though he was still looking up at the ceiling.

"You're fine, Phil," Dan reassured in as calm a voice as he could manage. He was squeaking a bit, voice cracking, but Dan thought he had himself under control. "You're human, yes, but just - it's okay. Sit still while you get used to it, alright? I'm right here."

The realisation that Dan was embarrassed only served to confuse Phil more, and he whimpered as he tried to figure out why in the world Dan wouldn't even look at him. _To be fair,_ Phil thought, _I don't want to look at myself right now._

The arms that looked like Dan's curled in front of Phil until they were pressed against his chest, and he blew air fast out of his mouth to push the hair in his eyes away, realising quickly that he no longer had fur. He looked like Dan now, and it was as confusing as it should have been exciting, with Phil far too panicked and still taken by surprise that Dan had just done that at all.

"Why am I human?" he whined, even as Dan tried to reassure Phil that he was there with words, and emotions, and calming touches to Phil's arm. "What do I do?" he begged. "I want to change back. I don't want to be a human," he whined, trying to get his breathing under control as he realised he was beginning to panic. The sensations of being human were far too overwhelming what with all the other changes Phil was experiencing, and he felt kind of bad that he wasn't leaving any room for Dan to calm down and react to the searing pain that had just flung through them, forcing open their bond until it was practically a floodgate of new sensations and power.

There had been a time when Phil had thought he'd want to see his human form, that it would be fun, but it was so overwhelming right now that he just wanted to run and hide. He rolled and curled into himself, dislodging himself from Dan, and just tried to stop and take it all in.

"I can't believe you just did that," he breathed softly as he was finally able to focus on the fact that Dan had accepted him. There was a hum of overwhelming joy threatening to break through all the panic.

Phil's confusion bled through constantly to Dan, until it was almost as overwhelming as all the other thoughts and fears circling through his mind just then. Phil was lost, and confused, and scared, and he clearly didn't know what to do with himself as he rolled up into a ball reminiscent of the way his cat self had curled himself up in Dan's lap. Only this time, he was a tall naked man, and Dan couldn't quite be okay with that.

But maybe he would have to be. Phil was having trouble accepting any of this, and Dan needed to do something about it, seeing as he hadn't just changed his entire body and he should be able to cope. It was about time Dan grew up and started doing his job properly.

So, drawing in a careful breath, Dan steeled himself and glanced sideways at Phil. Thankfully, Phil's back was turned, so all Dan could see was a smooth expanse of pale skin rather than anything...incriminating. He wanted to keep it that way. Gently, Dan shuffled over until he was sitting behind Phil, and he laid a warm palm on Phil's shoulder to comfort him, thumb stroking the skin just as his fingers had petted Phil's fur, before.

"It's all okay," he promised softly. "We can figure out how to change you back later, if you want, but for now just lie still. I've got you, okay? Just relax, I'm right here."

At Phil's other question, Dan narrowed his eyes, a little confused. "Of course I did that. Do you think I was just going to leave you like that?! It doesn't matter if we weren't quite ready, I was definitely going to accept you at some point." Dan shuddered at the memory of what rejecting Phil had almost done, flinching away from the remembered pain and instead leaning into his bond with Phil, reminding himself that they were both very much alive.

Phil shuddered as Dan touched him again, stroking over Phil's new shoulder with a confident, calm thumb. It felt nice and soothing the way it had felt when Dan used to pet him, and he attempted to respond by purring - only the sound never came. Confused by the new way's his body reacted, Phil ended up humming softly, shy and confused about his new body. He didn't even know if he was doing any of this right. It was different _being_ human than it was observing them.

Unwilling and unable to turn and face Dan again, Phil hid his face in palms that were long and thin and definitely not his paws. He missed his paws. Phil wanted to whine again, but he was trying to pull himself together, and this surely wasn't working.

Despite it all, though, Phil felt whole for the first time in his entire life, even better than the first time he'd been allowed to touch Dan, better even than the first time Dan had let their souls touch. This was so much better because it was concrete and real.

He was surprised by Dan's vehement response, however, and despite his embarrassment, turned his head to look at Dan. His gaze was fierce and protective, his voice a little raw, and he looked like he didn't even want to consider the possibility of never having done that at all.

Phil's mouth felt dry as he looked at Dan, and then the magic erupted out of him without his permission, washing the room in blinding white for a second before the bulbs burst and winked out.

Unable to help himself, Phil laughed - and wasn't that a new sound coming out of his mouth. His cat laugh had always been much more silent, but this? This had burst right out of his chest, and Phil couldn't even care because _he was so fucking happy._ Dan wanted him. Dan had accepted him. Dan had claimed Phil as his.

Rolling over, Phil went with instinct and pulled Dan into his arms, wrapping his body around Dan's and humming as he pressed his head up under Dan's chin. Even as a human, he was apparently smaller than Dan, and he felt protected and loved.

_Thank you, thank you, thank you,_ he murmured through the bond, heart full and warm. _Thank you for wanting me._

Getting plunged into complete darkness, followed by Phil's laugh - actual laugh, and it was deep and throaty and _human_ \- was already intimidating enough, but then Dan was knocked over backwards again by a very much taller and heavier Phil suddenly launching himself back at Dan and curling up close around him. Arms were winding around him - actual arms - and a head was tucked under his neck, and Dan was about ready to combust because there was a naked man pressed right up to him. Dan didn't know what to do with himself.

But then, as calming and beautiful as ever, Phil's voice spoke through their bond directly into Dan's mind. Instantly, Dan was calming down a bit, his embarrassment flowing away to be replaced by excited contentment.

He had Phil. He'd accepted Phil, and Phil was his, and Dan wasn't alone anymore because there was another soul wrapped up tight around him. While Dan still didn't know exactly how he felt about that, while he was quite terrified at the idea of never having any privacy ever again, there was also something...exciting...about the prospect of having a companion like this.

Plus, it was _Phil_. Dan was getting to keep Phil, and nothing could be better than that.

_Of course I want you,_ Dan answered into their bond, and then his arms were lifting from the floor to wind back around Phil, holding him against him without thinking. _I want you so much, now I understand who you are_. He closed his eyes, not that it made any difference in the darkness of the room, and held Phil tight against him. It was - strange, to have an actual human body here now instead of just a cat, but Dan had to admit, it was kind of nice to have arms wrapped around him, holding him safely in place.

Until Dan stroked his hand down Phil's back and suddenly remembered that he was naked all over again.

Feeling heat rushing back to his cheeks, Dan quickly dropped his hands back to the floor. At least he couldn't see in the darkness of the room, but he could feel, and now that he was thinking about it, Dan couldn't stop squirming at the sensation of having another completely naked man pressed right up against him. He lay as still as he could, desperate not to touch anything he shouldn't, and tried to keep his voice calm. "Um, Phil? I think - now that you're human and all - um - we should find you some clothes?"

Phil shuddered as Dan's voice pressed up against his mind, all consuming in that way he'd loved since the beginning. It felt so right to have Dan there, in his head and in his arms, Dan's limbs coming to wrap around Phil in a way he could never have done if Phil were still a cat. It made accepting his human form that little bit easier as Dan promised Phil that he wanted him, and he shuddered again just at the thought of the residual pain from before.

_I was scared I would have to go through it all again,_ Phil admitted, feeling welcome and complete now that Dan had taken a leap of faith in him. All of his previous pain, frustration, and distrust at Dan seemed to disappear in an instant, replaced instead with the warmth and knowledge that Dan had put everything on the line for Phil just as Phil had been doing for Dan all this time. It felt wonderful and good to know.

 

He grew upset as Dan's hands seemed to suddenly fall away from him though, and then, as Dan mentioned clothes, Phil remembered Dan's comments about how nakedness was something much more private to humans than it was to animals. Suddenly understanding Dan's embarrassment a little better, Phil drew away, and tried not to wilt.

"I still don't understand why humans wear clothes, but if it will make you more comfortable I'd be happy to put something on," Phil hummed, speaking aloud this time since Dan had, and feeling insanely proud of himself when he managed to instinctually stand up. His feet were unsteady beneath him, his sense of balance thrown off, but he was proud of himself for the steps he was taking in the right direction. Suddenly, he had the desire to see himself again, only the room was too dark.

With a flick of instinctual magic, the light bulbs were fixed, and Phil was left blinking in the light as he lifted his arms and checked himself out.

Dan breathed a sigh of relief when Phil's weight moved off him, even though he missed the feeling of having him close. It was just - that had been a lot to take in. Dan needed a bit of space and time to adjust before he ended up with an entirely naked Phil pressed against him, and this was all moving a bit too fast when Dan was still adjusting to their newly opened bond and the feeling of having someone else tied up so inexplicably with him.

Only then, the lights flicked back on, and Dan ended up with an eyeful of Phil.

Dan was still lying on the ground at Phil's feet, and as such, he got a very good view of exactly what he shouldn't be seeing. With a startled yelp, Dan rolled over and shut his eyes firmly, determined not to look at Phil when he was just standing there staring down at his own body with a very confused frown creasing his brow.

Dan breathed out heavily, wondering how on earth he was supposed to go about explaining to Phil why humans wore clothes. He wanted to address the rest of Phil's concerns, as well, to assure him that Dan was always going to accept him, that he'd never ever let Phil go through that kind of pain every again.

But first, he _really_ needed Phil to put some clothes on.

"Right. Okay." Dan's voice still squeaked a bit, much to his chagrin. He got unsteadily to his feet after reluctantly opening his eyes, and then lifted his eyes to the ceiling and determinedly held his hand out for Phil to take. "Come with me, and I'll find you something to wear. As for why we wear clothes - ah..." Dan trailed off, really not wanting to explain the concept. He didn't even know _how_. In the end, he settled for returning to their bond and pushed a few images through to Phil, letting him see and feel exactly why human culture was different to animals.

"That's why," he muttered, embarrassed still, and started tugging Phil along into his room where he could hunt through his closet.

Phil was too busy staring at his own body to even try and understand why panic and embarrassment was flaring through Dan again, taking in the strange thing between his legs that he'd seen Dan also had when Dan had been taking a shower. It looked familiar enough that Phil knew what it _was_ , but also strangely long and more exposed than what he had as a cat. His skin was ridiculously pale in comparison to Dan's as well, and his body seemed kind of flat. He wished his stomach were a little more pudgy like Dan's, his hips and thighs wider to compliment his witch's, but he didn't mind this form so much. It was kind of nice to look like Dan, to match him in this way.

He couldn't wait to see a mirror, though. He'd never really gotten to look at himself much as a cat, so seeing himself as a human would only be even better.

By the time Dan was standing up, Phil had turned to look at him, confused by why Dan was refusing to look at him.  He accepted his hand, however, and allowed Dan to start leading them back into Dan's room, when Dan suddenly started filling Phil's mind with images.

And oh, boy, were they...interesting images. Phil's cheeks flushed hot and dark, something else he was unused to but had seen Dan do recently, and he closed his eyes and cringed away from the intimate actions being displayed in his mind from what appeared to be movie scenes and people in public doing… indecent things. Phil recoiled a little, confused and unsure if he liked that, making the connection between that and what animals did.

Yes, Phil could see now why this was so much more intimate to Dan than it was to Phil. Humans mated for enjoyment, not just for offspring. Familiars didn't mate with other familiars, but Phil had more of an understanding of the animal kingdom than he did of the human world, and so he could still make that connection easily enough.

Suddenly embarrassed by his own exposure as well, Phil scrambled after Dan and attempted to cover himself up at the same time. "Oh. Okay," he said.

Dan simply jerked his head in a nod when Phil evidently caught on to what he was trying to say. At least he'd understood if the reaction through their bond was anything to go by. Phil was recoiling a bit, suddenly embarrassed by his own nudity, and Dan's lips twitched despite himself. As much as he was still hugely embarrassed, this situation - was kind of hilarious.

Maybe he could laugh about it once he'd got Phil wearing some clothes.

Suddenly, Phil felt like it had been incredibly inappropriate for him to be watching Dan shower. Did that seem like a crossed line to Dan, now? For someone who didn't even want a companion in life, who didn't seem to really have friends at all outside of PJ and the occasional customer who was more of an acquaintance really, was it overly intimate for Phil to know what Dan looked like naked? And was it weird for Dan to know what Phil looked like naked?

He knew they were meant to be soulmates, but the extra nature of their relationship was in their hands. Phil knew whatever made Dan happy would make Phil happy too, as they'd been made for each other, but he didn’t know what that entailed other than that… neither of them seemed to like to see the other in _that_ kind of way.

Phil cast the thoughts aside for now, far too embarrassed to even consider seeing or touching Dan like... well, like _that_ , as Dan dropped his hand and moved to shift through his wardrobe. Phil had seen Dan wear all kinds of clothes, but it was strange to think Phil would soon be wearing something as well. He'd had no idea what it was going to feel like, and it was vaguely terrifying.

As soon as he reached his closet, Dan dropped Phil's hand in favour of hunting through his many robes, until he realised he had no idea what size Phil should be. Grimacing a bit when he realised this meant he had to look at Phil, Dan turned his head slowly and kept his eyes firmly above the waist.

The man looking back at him was...beautiful. There was no other word for it. Phil was ethereal, pale and smooth and perfect, with those shockingly blue eyes that glinted almost green in the light. His hair was a deep black, falling straight in a way Dan could only envy. He found himself staring, for a moment, until Phil's confusion slid through their bond and Dan quickly looked away again, giving himself a shake.

Phil confusion only grew when Dan suddenly turned to Phil and just... stared. Staring back, Phil couldn't help shifting uncomfortably on his feet, confused as to way Dan was just.... looking at him. It wasn’t even like he was checking Phil out the way Dan had shown Phil in those mental images; he was just _looking at Phil's face._

_You're just...very nice to look at,_ Dan mumbled through their bond, unsure he'd be able to say the words out loud. At least now he knew that Phil was about the same height as him, if a little shorter and a little stockier, that meant Dan's clothes would fit, if maybe hang a little loose.

Phil's heart lurched, and his skin prickled as he slowly began to smile. He remembered when he'd told Dan very similar words, and suddenly felt very warm all over to know that he was pleasing to Dan's eyes in this form. Dan seemed to like him enough as a cat, but it felt like the nature of what they were to each other when Phil was in human form was a bit different to what it was when he was a cat, and it was confusing but reassuring in how Dan was reacting to him.

Dan found a long blue robe that he hadn't worn in a while, and, fishing it out, he span around to Phil and handed it out. At Phil's confused look, Dan almost wanted to wince again when he realised that Phil wouldn't have any idea how to put clothes _on_ , which meant Dan was going to have to teach him.

Still refusing to look any lower than Phil's chest, Dan beckoned him closer and span him around, gently soothing Phil through their bond. _I'm just putting this on for you, don't freak out on me. It's nice. Clothes are made to be comfortable and keep you warm, too, not just...because of the other thing._ With that said, Dan gently took Phil's right arm and guided it through the sleeve of the robe, then moved to wrap the soft material around Phil's long torso before tucking his left arm through the other sleeve. With that done, Dan fastened up the buttons at the front, knowing they'd be difficult for Phil to get his fingers around, and stepped back to admire his handiwork.

The robe was a bit big for Phil, and it hung quite loose right down to the ground, but now that he was clothed, Dan was struck again by just how beautiful Phil was. He smiled widely, letting his happiness and approval slip through the bond again. _You're wonderful, Phil._

Dan had to help Phil into the clothing that was picked out for him, looking flushed and embarrassed even as he reassured and promised Phil that clothing was comfortable, and once he was clothed, Phil realised that it was true. Without fur, he'd been growing cold, and now the robe was silky smooth and warm against his skin. Phil smiled at Dan as he readjusted the clothing until it felt like it laid against him alright.

_So are you,_ Phil murmured back, blushing as he accidentally recalled very vividly the time he'd seen Dan completely naked. He'd thought Dan was beautiful and perfect even then, but his thoughts were betraying him; he didn't need Dan to know that. He shook himself, embarrassed, and ducked his head.

"I mean it, you know. I think you're wonderful, Dan. I could not have asked for anything more."

Dan's smile only widened as Phil returned the sentiment. Ordinarily, he'd have been laughing it off as someone trying to flatter him, but with the way their bond worked Dan could literally _feel_ that Phil wasn't lying. It was all a bit overwhelming, honestly, this sudden closeness. Dan had always treasured his privacy, and he was still finding it a bit strange that their bond was so much more open now.

Sure, he still had his own thoughts, and he couldn't hear everything from Phil - just his strongest emotions, which, currently, were embarrassment and worry, if Dan was reading this right; worry that he'd accidentally invaded Dan's privacy too much before he'd known too much about the nudity thing. But he was also complimenting Dan - complimenting him and meaning it.

Dan was blushing, if the warmth in his cheeks was anything to go by. That spot down on his right cheek must be practically glowing. "Yes, well," he murmured gruffly, not sure what to do with the compliment, "You _would_ think that."

Giving his head another shake, Dan looked back up at Phil and smiled suddenly. "Wait - you're _human_." The situation was finally beginning to sink in, and Dan bounced up onto the balls of his feet, taller than Phil, practically vibrating with excitement as the enormity of what this meant slowly started to hit him. "If you're human, that means I fully accepted you, right? I did this properly?" Dan's heart was in his mouth. "So you're not going to hurt anymore." That was the most important thing - Dan no longer had to live on tenterhooks that he was going to screw up again and accidentally send Phil away from him, back to that awful state of rejection. He'd done it - things were finally as they should be.

That thought was both beautiful and terrifying at once.

Dan's shy reaction made Phil want to do something to reassure Dan that he truly meant it, truly thought of Dan as something wonderful and good; from his actions and heart, to the way he worked. He didn't really have a chance, however, before Dan was suddenly jumping up and down, excitement radiating from him as their bond settled into something more like it once was. Phil wasn't so overwhelmed anymore, but he was surprised by the way Dan shouted, filled with so much happiness and joy that he was infecting Phil until Phil was grinning stupidly.

He couldn't really blame Dan, though.

"Yes," Phil replied, absolutely beaming. "You've accepted me. I - you can't take it back now." Phil said the words half teasingly, half worriedly, realising that it was in fact true that Dan had made a split second decision and bonded them together permanently. Phil was far from complaining, and if Dan was jumping up and down in happy excitement, then he couldn't be complaining either, but it was still a scary thing to say aloud. "I'm yours, now," he added sweetly, thinking to himself _mine_ , as he looked at Dan.

Dan was his. Phil had a witch. Phil had a purpose in life. Phil was happy.

His magic burst out again in a small flicker of purple light like an explosion that was gone in another instant, and when Phil laughed again, ice came out, making him laugh harder. He reached out and took Dan's hands in his, and smiled at him. "I'm yours."

Dan was grinning widely, at Phil's laugh and the little spurts of magic, and the way he held Dan's hands in his own. A deep shiver ran through him at being told Phil was _his._ Dan had known that, of course, but it never really sunk in until now. Phil was actually _his_. Dan didn't have to worry about losing him anymore, or waking up to find that Phil had grown tired of waiting. Phil was his, and here to stay.

Dan tightened his grip around Phil's fingers and drew him in closer, eyes bright. He was a little startled by the magic, but it seemed harmless enough - at least, Dan hoped so. It must just be Phil's way of expressing his emotions, and if he was happy like Dan, then that could be no bad thing. So Dan was happy to let it lie in favour of studying Phil's face some more, now that everything was calming down enough that he had time to truly take him in.

"Mine," he breathed, fingers shifting until they were interlocked with Phil's joining them together closely. It was completely crazy, because Dan hadn't even _wanted_ a companion before. He'd never thought of himself as lonely. He'd always been perfectly fine on his own, but now suddenly there was someone else in his life and Dan wouldn't have it any other way. Things were better when he had someone to share them with, and someone to work with him to make everything better.

And their journey was only just beginning


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates now on Monday & Friday :)
> 
> Also, enjoy this cute mental image of [ Phil in his cat form enjoying his first snow](http://insanityplaysfics.tumblr.com/post/154819203623/quietquincy666-tykka-is-handling-her-first-snow)

"How are you feeling?" Dan asked softly, still speaking aloud to give them both a chance to adjust to the new strength of their bond. "Are you comfortable? Is it weird, having two feet now instead of four paws?" he asked, reaching out gently to touch Phil’s cheek lightly. Usually he wouldn't be so forward about touching _anyone_ , but when Phil was a cat, Dan had been able to touch him as often as he liked, and he was kind of missing that right now. So he poked Phil's cheek and grinned at him, looking him in the eyes now with a soft gaze, relieved that it could no longer be taken as a challenge.

Phil was too busy staring at the way his and Dan’s fingers interlocked to really pay attention to anything he was saying. It was strange enough to have fingers, but it was kind of amazing the way they fit together, sealing them in a physical, visceral way. It was fascinating to see how Phil’s new hands almost completely disappeared under Dan’s, his witches fingers and palm so much wider and thicker than Phil’s new long, thin fingers.

It was just another way in which Phil was able to feel protected by Dan, something he desired and needed as the technically weaker of the two.

Phil did look up when Dan reached out and touched his cheek though, titling his head and nuzzling into his palm with a small, happy laugh that turned into a spark of blue fire that only made him laugh some more. Dan didn’t seem to mind, though, smiling at him and cupping his cheek more gently in a way that reminded Phil of how Dan touched him when he was a cat. If nothing else, he was happy he at least had that, and he closed his eyes with a small hum as he leaned further into Dan’s touch.

Dan was his now. Dan was his to stay. If nothing else, Phil had the reassurance of that now, and nothing had truly changed -

Then Dan’s words seemed to proper sink and Phil made a small gasping sound as his eyes flew open again.

"So weird!" Phil crowed, standing up straight again and jumping a little in place. He nearly overbalanced at that, but caught himself on Dan's shoulders just in time. "I don't know how you walk on two legs! It's so weird!" he squealed, grinning as he turned his gaze down to his two very long feet with very long toes. He kind of liked them, and he wiggled them as he watched, turning his burning gaze back up to Dan. He could feel little flashes of something going off behind him from his excitement, but ignored them as he watched the way Dan smiled at him instead.

"I can't walk at all unless I don't think about it. I keep thinking I'm going to fall. And your hands! Why are they like this?" he demanded, dislodging his grip from Dan's in order to wiggle his fingers and stare at them contemplatively.

Dan snorted as he watched Phil experimenting with his new body, and couldn't help the fond roll to his eyes or soft expression on his face from watching him. Phil was just so...endearing. Behind Phil there were some worrying-looking sparks coming from his kitchen, but for now Dan decided to ignore them in favour of poking some fun at Phil.

"Hands are awesome though, look!" Dan gripped Phil's right palm between both of his own, watching the way his fingers were so much longer even though Dan's palm mostly engulfed the entirety of Phil's hand. Dan sighed inwardly - he was a gigantically tall oaf, and even his familiar wasn't as tall as him, apparently.

Taking Phil's hand, Dan waved his thumb around and then played with each of his fingers. "See? Opposable thumbs. We can do so much more this way, you'll be able to actually pick stuff up." Dan's lips twitched. "Though you were clumsy enough as a cat - should I be afraid of what you're going to be like in this form?"

Phil watched as Dan's palms covered his hand again, moving Phil’s fingers around in order to show him how he could use his thumb now to pick things up, and narrowed his eyes in concentration, trying to pay attention to the way his new body worked, though he was sorely tempted to splutter out an angry reply about how he'd always been able to pick things up, just usually with his mouth - and it had never been a problem before, thank you very much - when Dan began to tease him again.

Pouting, Phil yanked his hand away from Dan's and crossed his arms over his chest the way he'd always wanted too, frowning at Dan and staring up at him intensely. "Maybe if you turn out to be a good teacher, you won't have to worry about anything," he challenged, and harrumphed as he turned his back on Dan. He was biting back a smile though, feeling tingles flare up from his toes and looking down to find his magic had curled around him, blanketing him in a soft pink glow of happiness.

Concentrating solely on where he wanted to go, Phil stalked across the room and out of Dan's bedroom door, only to promptly trip over his own two feet and crash to the floor.

Dan couldn't help himself - he started laughing when Phil pouted at him, and only laughed harder when Phil ended up collapsing to the floor in his failed attempt to stalk out of the room. Dan laughed so hard he could feel his eyes crinkling up, dimples appearing deep on his cheeks in the way he normally hated and hardly ever managed.

"Oh, come here, you giant lump," Dan chuckled fondly. He moved back to Phil's side and bent down, reaching a hand out to pat Phil's shoulder. "Maybe don't try storming out on me until you actually know how to walk, hm?"

He laughed again, unable to help himself. Phil just looked so disgruntled. Dan patted his head fondly, a bit surprised by the soft texture of his hair - it was almost as fluffy as his black fur had been when he was a cat - and wrapped a sturdy arm around Phil to get him back on his feet. "Just lean on me until we get you safely on the sofa."

Phil was horrified, to say the least. His face was red, and it kind of hurt where his body had hit the ground, but mostly, he was just embarrassed to hear Dan laughing at him. As he pushed himself up slightly and looked behind him, though, he couldn’t help smiling in return, because he'd never seen Dan smile like that.

There was just something so open and bright about him as a dimple popped in his left cheek, his eyes going all soft as they crinkled up… besides, Dan definitely made up for it when he came over to Phil's side and helped him up. Still pretending to be disgruntled and upset, Phil continued to pout, but got up with Dan's help, a laugh trapped in his chest at Dan teasing him, calling him a giant lump and telling him not to run away when he couldn’t even walk yet.

"Teach me, then," Phil complained, leaning into Dan as he wrapped an arm around his waist. "I'm only going to destroy your house if you don't show me the ropes," he teased back, cuddling into Dan's side and humming in contentment as Dan wrapped a firm arm around Phil's waist, dragging him in and near. They made it to the sofa relatively easily enough, and Phil sat in confused awe as he realised just how much smaller everything seemed now that he was Dan sized.

"I feel... huge," he complained, gazing around the room again.

"Don't be so rude," Dan huffed, "Do I look huge to you? You're still smaller than I am, and I manage around here perfectly fine, thank you very much." He delicately avoided mentioning the number of times he’d walked into his door, or stubbed his toe, or tripped over his books when he left them laying around. Clumsiness was a trait Dan and Phil both shared, it seemed.

Phil laughed, happy that he could now, and turned to Dan with the happiest of gazes as he watched him tease and joke about with Phil as if he were happy Phil was here as well. "I just meant suddenly, everything looks so _small_ ," he explained, nudging Dan's side lightly. His body hummed with the magic radiating from him still, but he delicately ignored it as he gazed around the room once again.

"I'm not used to it, is all. It's so weird," he murmured, voice trailing off as he leaned back against the sofa cushions and realised that yeah. He was home now. This was his home, and he could treat it as such, either human or cat. The best part was getting to keep Dan all to himself, and Phil shoved his face in his hands in contentment at that fact.

He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to being human though.

Seeing as they were both safely settled onto the sofa now, Dan shifted to face Phil, reluctantly removing his arm from around Phil's waist in order to get a better look at him. It was still pretty bizarre for Dan to actually have another human in his flat. It hadn't been so bizarre when Phil was a cat - he hadn't taken up much space then, and he was pretty cute with the way he scampered about the ground playing or helping Dan cook - now, though, he was a fully fledged man, and Dan didn't quite know what to do with himself.

"Um," he started, blinking at Phil's face and then looking away again quickly, "We'll start with walking, I guess. Being human isn't very difficult, though maybe we should keep you up here for now? I don't know what stairs are going to be like for you."

Turning back to Dan as he spoke up, seeming unsure of himself, Phil wilted a little. He knew Dan wasn't saying that because he wanted to keep Phil a secret, at least he didn't _think_ so, but he still couldn't help feeling a little sad about it. He wanted to be able to go back down to Dan's office and repair the damage he'd caused, maybe help him figure out that potion again, and he wanted to meet PJ and his familiar now that he actually _could_ in his own right.

"Okay," Phil murmured. "So... walking," he insisted, clearing his throat as he tried to get his attention back focused on that.

Dan frowned a bit, noting Phil's shift in tone from his face falling as well as the slightly displeased emotions that came flickering through their bond. Dan shook his head. It was still so strange to be getting emotions that weren't quite his also crowding into his head, and he felt almost overwhelmed by it all, by having Phil so close and _human_ now and also still in his head.

But Dan could adjust. He just needed a little time.

"Walking," Dan agreed, summoning up a smile again and reaching for Phil to try and make him happy again. He didn't like having Phil looking sad. Dan gripped his arm and leaned into his side, just a little. "Or standing up, first. Let's practice. Watch me, okay? Feet flat on the floor, first." He demonstrated by sitting up straight and putting both feet down in front of him, one hand still on Phil's arm. "Then you shift your weight forward and straighten your knees and - standing." He stood up, talking Phil through the movements both verbally and also by sharing the feeling with him through their bond - it had seemed to work for them in the past, when Dan had tried to explain math and potion making to Phil, not to mention when he’d had to explain the birds and the bee’s to his familiar.

Once he was fully upright, Dan turned to face Phil with his hands outstretched, smile growing at the way Phil was staring up at him with so much trust and honesty. He could get used to being looked at like that. "Now you try," Dan encouraged, wriggling his fingers. "I'll stay right here, just - stand up to meet me."

Phil's heart fluttered with warmth when Dan shifted to sit closer to him, reaching out with tender hands to touch Phil's arm, seeming to pick up on the fact that Phil needed comfort. His face shifted into a small smile, and he turned his body to watch as Dan demonstrated for him how Phil was meant to plant his feet and use his body's weight to his advantage. He could feel the movements in his own limbs as Dan pushed the feelings into Phil, and he closed his eyes briefly to really take it in.

When he opened them again, Dan was stood in front of him, smiling down at Phil and offering his hands, and Phil was left staring at him in awe.

Because there was nothing about Dan that felt reluctant that he had to teach Phil something as basic and simple as standing, let alone walking, and that made him _so_ happy, to know that he wasn't being a burden.

With a nervous grin, and a fluttering in his heart that Dan was stood there waiting for him, fingers outstretched to catch Phil should anything bad happen to him, Phil shifted his weight, moving as Dan had told him, and managed to get his body to move upwards.

The movement was fluid and easy, Phil's legs bending the way he wanted them to and shoving him upwards until he was standing straight, just that little bit shorter than Dan.

His excitement must have gotten the best of him, though, as he forgot himself and jumped for joy, losing his balance almost immediately and falling into Dan with a startled squeal. Dan caught him easily, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist and dragging him in as a flare of panic surged through Phil. Dan’s quick response, and easy humor in the face of Phil’s fear made Phil want to _melt_.

Dan chuckled, catching Phil and guiding him safely into his chest so that he wouldn't fall while he struggled to find his feet. He could feel the flaring panic through their bond, but also the immense gratitude and affection Phil had for him, and that was making Dan melt just a little. He steadied Phil carefully, keeping his arms wound tight around Phil to hold him safely in place until he figured out the whole balancing thing that went with standing upright.

"It's not so different to being a cat," Dan murmured, continuing to push soothing thoughts and the sensation of standing through their bond. "You haven't got a tail, now, though, so you have to shift your weight with your legs instead." He didn't let go of Phil, but swayed them gently, showing Phil how his balance moved depending on which way they leaned.

"I'm not going to let you go until you've got this," Dan added, tightening his grip as he felt Phil flailing and panicking a bit at all the new sensations. His arms caged Phil in place against Dan's chest, and Dan nuzzled into his hair just a little, as he would have when Phil was a cat, hoping the familiar sensation would help to calm him a little.

Phil was anxious as he tried to figure out what he was meant to do now that he was standing, unsure how to keep himself upright. It was so much easier when he wasn't thinking about it, instinctual the way everything Phil did was, but he couldn’t continue on like that, he knew that, and so he tried to focus on the soothing thoughts and familiar sensations Dan was pushing through the bond.

He swallowed and tried not to panic as Dan tried to explain to Phil how it wasn't so different to being a cat when it came to the whole balancing thing, flailing a little as Dan began to rock them both, his arms still tight around Phil's waist as he pushed Phil's face into his chest. The familiar sound of Dan's heartbeat, the reassurance that Dan wouldn’t let Phil go until he was able to stand on his own, the feeling of Dan breathing against his scalp and nuzzling him, they all served to help him relax, and he was able to focus more on his own balance as he yelped and squealed and tried not to panic each and every time he nearly pitched forward or backward or sideways or down.

All the while, Dan held him, guided him, comforted him and kept him close, and Phil felt something like gratitude and love surge through him as tears pricked at his eyes. He'd never had anyone hold him like this, never had someone so content to just... teach Phil, and he was soaking up every second of it as he did his best on what felt like two left feet.

"It's hard," he whined. "I miss my tail," he complained, but he was chuckling as he nearly fell and Dan managed to steady him once more, the tears choking up his throat. Humans cried. Phil knew, given the right push, the tears would fall, but he didn't want Dan to see that, so he buried his face further into his t-shirt, and just let Dan move them both until Phil felt comfortable enough with the sensation that he started to do it himself.

Dan laughed lowly when Phil said he missed his tail, though he supposed he couldn't blame him. Dan couldn't even imagine what having a tail was like. Didn't it just get in the way? He had a feeling he'd be tripping over it constantly if he had something like that constantly following him around.

Dan felt the shift when Phil started to sway them on his own, and he made a happy little noise, sending warm encouraging thoughts through their bond to let Phil know how proud he was. Dan drew back a bit then, though he didn't loosen his grip around Phil. Rather, he gave Phil room to straighten upright, to get used to viewing the world from this angle.

"To be fair," Dan murmured as he cast another good look at Phil (it was so much easier now he was clothed), "I don't think a tail would do you much good now. You're pretty tall, Phil, almost as tall as me." His lips twitched.

Phil whined as Dan claimed that Phil's tail wouldn’t be helpful just then, and shook his head. "It could be a long tail," he complained. "It just has to match my height, and then it would help," he said, pouting even as he clung to Dan's shoulders and shifted his own weight, beginning to calm down and relax as he realised this wasn't so bad. This wasn't so hard at all. He just had to focus on more of his body, that was all.

Dan still didn't let Phil go, though, and for that, he was endlessly grateful. He sighed into Dan's grip, and closed his eyes with a small smile.

"If you had a long tail, think how much of the room you'd take up!" Dan shook his head, lips twitching as he imagined it. "I have a feeling you'd be knocking over everything you walked past, too. My furniture has suffered enough." He softened the words with a stroke of his thumb against Phil's arms, still smiling despite the memory of the destruction of his office.

Phil didn't think his tail would be _that_ big, but even so, he laughed with his face tucked into Dan's chest and hummed because he couldn't purr when Dan's thumb stroked over his arm, reassuring and comforting as he pushed gentle thoughts towards Phil. They both knew Phil had caused a lot of damage to Dan's life so far, but it was clear that Dan didn't want Phil to feel guilty anymore.

This was a new side to Dan Phil hadn't gotten to know personally. Phil had already known Dan was gentle and kind, always doing what he could to help those around them, but he'd been so snappish with Phil for so long that this just felt _good._

"PJ will be annoyed, you know,” Dan mused after another moment. “He always says he feels tall until I come down the stairs."

When Dan brought up PJ again, Phil felt himself start to ache with the desire to know him, ache with the desire to go downstairs and meet someone new. He wanted to know everyone that Dan knew, wanted them to know him and see the special bond the two had between each other. He wanted to be by Dan's side in all things, but even then, he knew he was being selfish.

All in good time, and he'd be just as happy if Dan wanted to keep Phil special and secret and safe.

Maybe.

"I'm not as tall as you though," Phil replied, trying to shake off the hurt. "Maybe he'll feel more normal sized next to me."

Dan arched a brow when Phil mentioned meeting PJ. Would that be something he wanted? Did he feel ready to face the rest of the human world? Dan's instinct was to keep him safe for a little longer, to keep him wrapped up until they both knew a little more about their own bond.

But maybe that was selfish of him. Maybe he shouldn't be trying to keep Phil stored away.

"He might," Dan acquiesced eventually. "Though I still think you're taller than him." He met Phil's eyes with a slight question to his own, biting his lip. "Is that something you'd like? To meet him, eventually? I mean, I've met his raven. Only ever in her raven form, though."

Phil lifted his head lightly at Dan's question, and stared into his eyes. His wonderful brown eyes. "I'd like to meet him, yes," Phil admitted softly. "I don't care in what form. I'd just... like to meet your friends." Mostly, though, Phil just didn't want to feel alone, or pushed out of Dan's life, and it was hard not to feel that way when Dan seemed content to keep Phil locked away.

 _Stop it, you know that's not how it is,_ he berated himself, lowering his gaze once again. They weren't moving anymore, and Phil was sure he could stand on his own now, but neither man let go.

Dan's smile increased a little, and he kept his gaze warm on Phil's face. It was...surprisingly nice to know that Phil wanted to know Dan's friends. Not that Dan even _had_ many friends - it was just that he'd never had anyone really take an interest in his life before. Dan had never done much to encourage it. He hadn't wanted anyone getting in the way of his private life, digging around in his business.

Strangely, he liked the thought of having Phil around though.

"You can meet anyone you want," Dan promised, smiling more at the way Phil was still clinging to him even though Dan was fairly certain he was stable on his own now. Dan's first natural instinct was to check Phil over completely, to make sure he wasn't injured or harmed from his transformation or the trauma of the last few days, but he also didn't want to push anything onto Phil that he wasn't quite ready for.

"Shall we just get you settled in first?" Dan pleaded after a moment. "I mean - you're part of my life now, and I _want_ that, don't get me wrong. Shall we just get you settled in?" He tried to keep warm, comforting thoughts going through their bond, but even that was new and a bit overwhelming. Dan was feeling quite out of his depth. "I want to introduce you to everything slowly, it's going to be a shock - to both of us. Unless you saw most of it when you were watching me."

Phil's lips trembled on a huge grin as he turned his gaze back up to Dan. He found nothing but sincerity and certainty there, the same he'd felt in Dan's voice when he'd declared that he accepted Phil, and it made the grin burst across his face as a sudden burst of white magic blew up around their heads.

Only Dan was touching Phil now and he was able to stamp it out almost immediately despite the happy tremors coursing through him.

"Really?" Phil asked, practically trembling with excitement. The last time they'd had this discussion, Dan had claimed to want to keep Phil a secret, and while he'd gone along with it then, even been okay with it, Phil was desperate for the opposite now.

Then Dan's voice went pleading, and Phil pulled up short, tilting his head and taking in the way Dan looked actually terrified. His heart lurched, and he pressed up against their bond, and he realised that Dan was scared for Phil. Dan was scared for them both, but mostly for Phil who he seemed to want to protect more than anything else in the world.

It made tears prick at his eyes to realize that Dan felt the way same way about Phil that Phil felt about Dan, and his eyes sparkled as he looked at Dan and the small pleading look on his face.

"Okay," he agreed, humming. "I trust you," he admitted, wanting to calm Dan down. "We'll do it your way."

Dan was a little surprised by how taken Phil seemed to be with the idea of meeting other people. For a moment, a flare of jealousy rose within him - wasn't he enough for Phil? - but then he realised that was maybe a bit silly, and in fact, he was pleased that Phil seemed to want to be such a big part of Dan's life. Through their bond, he was getting nothing but excited wiggling from Phil's end, along with bursts of magic that Dan was quickly learning to recognise and put out.

He sagged a bit with relief when Phil agreed to do things his way, pleased that he'd have time to get Phil adjusted before they went plunging headlong back into Dan's usual daily routine. Speaking of which, Dan's usual routine probably wouldn't work very well. He'd lived such a solitary life before, but now he had a Phil to fit into everything. Dan could sense a lot of changes on the horizon, and he was a mix of terrified and excited.

"Thank you," he said, and slid his arms around Phil until he had him in a proper hug. "I promise I will introduce you to everything, I just don't want to overwhelm you. Let's just get you used to my flat first - and your new form, of course." He grinned, closing his eyes and letting himself enjoy holding Phil for a moment. It was...nice. Dan had deprived himself of human contact for most of his adult life, but he was starting to remember what he was missing out on. It was easy to melt into Phil's embrace.

Phil blinked in surprise as Dan moved suddenly to embrace him, long arms wrapping up under Phil and holding him close. Phil's chin just fit over the top of Dan's shoulder blade, and he melted into the sudden touch as his own arms automatically came up to wrap around Dan's waist. His eyes slipped closed as contentment buzzed through him, and Phil decided that maybe being in human form wasn't so bad after all. If Dan could hold him like this, with Phil able to hold him back, things couldn't be all bad.

He hummed softly in agreement with Dan, sighing against his neck, and just held him.

It took them both a short while before they pulled apart, something tugging at Phil's heart as they moved, and then Dan was taking Phil's arms and beginning to show him how to walk. His voice was as quiet and reassuring as before, pushing the feeling of what Dan was doing into Phil's mind so Phil could recognise it for himself. He tripped up a few times, but Dan was constantly right in front of him, moving Phil about the house with a tight hold on his arms. From time to time, Dan laughed at him, but it was never vicious, and Phil always laughed along.

His entire body was trembling with fatigue by the time they'd done three passes around the lounge, and it was with Dan's help that Phil settled back down onto the couch. His legs ached, and he felt mentally drained, but it was good, and Phil could feel just how proud of him Dan actually was just then.

"Did I do okay?" he asked softly, smiling needily at Dan.

"You did perfect," Dan promised, practically beaming with warmth and pride. Phil had managed three entire circuits of the lounge and, even if he'd wobbled and tripped a few times, he hadn't knocked anything over or injured himself. Dan counted that as a win.

Once Phil was settled back into the sofa cushions, Dan collapsed down next to him and curled up comfortably, slipping his feet up under his body. He glanced sideways, just studying Phil. It felt so natural to have him there, next to Dan, and through their bond he could sense Phil's happiness at being here. This was his home, now. Dan had someone to share his home with, and hearing his lounge full of laughter was something novel, something special.

Dan had to hang onto this.

"If it's alright with you," Dan murmured, "I think I'll keep the shop closed for the next few days. I want to make sure you're completely comfortable with everything here until we get to work again." He reached out to place a hand on Phil's arm again, then slid it down so he was holding Phil's hand. It just felt more right when he was touching Phil.

There was a lot to do, with settling Phil into his home, and Dan was worried about making him comfortable. Dan's flat wasn't exactly made for two people, after all. He was going to make this work, though. Everything was going to work out because Dan was determined to keep Phil happy and safe.

At Dan's reassurance, Phil hummed and let his head fall back the way he'd seen Dan when he was resting on the couch sometimes - long legs sprawled out while his neck was cradled by the couch cushions. He was a little bit sweaty, and he didn't like the way it made his skin feel, but he was also too tired to move. Usually, he washed himself, using his tongue to get himself clean, but that didn't seem like an option when he was stuck in his human form, and he had no idea how to take a shower, so he just kind of let himself lay there, humming again as Dan reached out and took his hand.

HIs fingers entwined with Dan's, his palm feeling engulfed completely by Dan's much larger ones, but he appreciated the comfort and stability it brought him, and he grinned softly as he thought that he could definitely get used to this; even if he did miss sleeping curled up in Dan's lap.

"Will it be okay for you to stay closed for a while?" Phil asked, unsure. He bit his lip, turning his head to gaze at Dan unblinkingly. "I don't want to ruin your business. I'm sure the city could use you right now..." he trailed off, not wanting to push or change Dan's mind, but also not wanting to be the reason Dan's business went south.

Dan winced a bit at the reminder of the terror and pain that had ripped through half the city because of Phil's rejection. Sure, people would need healers, but most of them must have been evacuated and Dan wasn't the only person running an apothecary in the town. There would be others who could help. There had to be.

"I can stay closed for a few days," Dan reassured him. "PJ can take care of any emergencies, and I think it's more important to get you sorted. You're my first priority, Phil." He leaned against him on the sofa, holding back a yawn. "There's so much to sort! I need to show you everything, and you have to get used to being a human. It's a bit better than being a cat, don't you think?" He nudged Phil with a cheeky grin.

Phil's heart fluttered, and he felt the air whoosh out of him in a soft exhale of breath as he closed his eyes, smiling and feeling puffs of something jump into the air all around him. The soft pink glow was back, and Phil wasn't even going to attempt to control his magic any further, just letting himself bask in the knowledge that Dan was picking him, and from the sounds of it, would always pick him. He nuzzled into Dan's side, enjoying the way Dan seemed to want to lean into him, and just kind of let himself began to settle some.

"If being human means I get to be with you properly, then yes, it's better than being a cat," Phil admitted honestly. "Though I do miss being able to properly invade your personal space. Would it be inappropriate for me to lay against you?" he asked, yawning as Dan's yawn got to him.

Being human was different in a lot of ways, and one of those ways included how tired Phil felt. He actually thought he could sleep, rather than just nap, and it wasn't just him being lazy either. He really felt like he needed to sleep, like the last few hours had been the most draining in his entire life.

Dan snickered at that thought. He supposed Phil must miss curling up in Dan's lap the way he had when he was a cat. Dan kind of missed it, too, in a strange way; not that he wasn't happy with Phil being human - it was easier to talk when he had an actual person talking back, rather than an animal that was far too intelligent.

"Do you miss sleeping on me?" Dan teased lightly, winding an arm around Phil's shoulder. "I admit, I kind of miss the purring. And your fur. You were very soft." He smiled a little, glancing down at where their hands were still entwined. There was still something so right about touching Phil.

"Miss being smaller than you," Phil agreed, humming as Dan wrapped an arm around his shoulders, drawing him close and making Phil feel safe. He'd seen humans do this before, and it was usually around a partner who they considered really close. Phil wasn't expecting that with Dan, wasn't expecting anything really, but it still make him feel warm and lovely. "Miss when you pet me," he added for good measure, grinning to know that Dan was just as taken with Phil's fur as Phil was with Dan petting him.

Phil’s head was settled on Dan's shoulder now, and he nudged his head up against the soft skin of his neck, asking for cuddles. Dan, on the other hand, seemed distracted, as instead of petting Phil right away, nervousness flooded through them both. Frowning, Phil turned to look at Dan, and found him biting his bottom lip as he spoke.

"You can lay on me if you like," Dan explained, if a little shyly. "Uh - it isn't unusual for us to lie on each other. If we're close. Usually heads on laps is a good thing, you could - you could do that if you liked." Dan was surprised by just how nervous he was. Dan had never craved this kind of intimacy with anyone, never had anything close to a romance in his life. It hadn't been something he'd ever considered. And he wasn't thinking of that with Phil exactly, it was more...more that touching Phil was just _right_. He wanted to do more of it.

Heart fluttering and pumping far too fast for it's own good, Phil merely nodded softly, and then let himself slip down the sofa until he was laying curled up with his head on Dan's lap. "Thank you," he whispered softly, tense but exhausted and scared. "Thank you for accepting me," he said.

Dan was tense until Phil actually settled into his lap, but then any and all nerves he’d been feeling quickly disappeared. It didn't matter if these actions were usually held between people who were romantic - what mattered was how Phil felt, and how Dan felt with Phil. And once Phil was quite happily curled up in his lap, Dan had to admit that he was quite enjoying it too.

"You're still smaller than me," Dan pointed out, "If only by a little now. And I can still pet you, sort of." To make his point, Dan lowered his left hand into Phil's hair and gently rubbed his fingers through the strands, feeling how soft they were under his touch. Phil's hair was similar to how his fur had been, if there wasn't anywhere near as much of it. And Dan definitely missed the purring.

He could feel the warmth and gratitude from Phil soaking through their bond, and it made Dan's insides go all warm and melty again. Before he knew it, he was smiling. "You don't need to thank me," Dan murmured in response. "If anything, I should be apologising. If I'd just accepted you in the first place then none of this would have happened."

If Phil could have, he'd be purring right then. Dan's fingers curled through his hair, stroking through it carefully, and it was nearly as good as when Dan had pet him. Then, though, Dan had been able to stroke his hands all the way down Phil's back without being scared of some alternate intimate meaning, and Phil missed that now, arching his back into nothing.

His heart hurt to have Dan blaming himself, though, and he pressed a small kiss to Dan's knee, surprised when the action came naturally.

"Please don't blame yourself," he murmured. "We both made mistakes. It's part of the learning process, and it got me you. That's all I need," Phil said, soaking in the way he could feel Dan aching for him, needy for him, unable to even think of the possibility of Phil being dead. It still made him giddy to have Dan so open to him, to be able to sense that truth in him, understand it as if they were his own feelings - and they pretty much were, just turned around.

"I should never have expected you to just accept me right off the bat," Phil added softly. "It should have been a learning process for us both. None of this should have happened, and I’m sorry too."

Dan released a slow breath as he finally felt himself beginning to relax. Hearing Phil tell him that he shouldn't blame himself had him calming right down, especially when Phil then went on to apologise. Maybe they could draw a line under it now, and move on as they were, as they perhaps always should have been.

"It's okay," Dan answered, still curling his hand through Phil's hair. "I can't even imagine how disappointed you must have been. You were so excited, and then I was just angry and snarling at you the whole time." Dan almost winced as he remembered how he'd been back then. He must have hurt Phil so much without intending too, and now that was the last thing he wanted.

To make up for it, Dan pushed as many nice warm thoughts through their bond as he could, smiling when he felt Phil respond in kind. Being open like this had its advantages - he could literally _feel_ just how happy Phil was, and sense what he should do to make it better.

"The other familiars warned me before I came to you, that I should watch you before I approached,” Phil explained, wanting Dan to understand that he shouldn’t feel too bad about how Phil had met him. “But my emotions have always got the best of me, and I visited you the second you were alone. Familiars immediately bond on the first witch they see, did you know that?" Phil asked, curious despite himself as Dan's fingers moved to scratch just behind his ear, the same way he always used to. It made Phil fidget and hum, unsure what to do with himself when he couldn't purr to tell Dan how much he liked it. He liked this just the same, though.

Dan straightened a bit, glancing down at Phil in surprise when he heard that Phil had come straight to him rather than observing him for a while. A crease appeared in his brow as he answered, "I did read that you bond with the first witch you see. Like imprinting. I figured you would have been careful - but - wasn't that a risk? Coming straight to me, I mean, without watching me first?"

"I was kind of careful!" Phil insisted, not wanting Dan to think he had been a complete idiot, and jerking up off of Dan's lap to look up at him instead. "I waited until I knew you were absolutely alone before I showed up! But... I wanted our bonding moment to be perfect so badly that I was afraid to look at you until you realised who I was. The last thing I was expecting was for you to not... recognise me, and then, when you _did,_ to not want me." Phil's voice trailed off sadly, unhappy to relive the memory now, ears wilting, He knew he shouldn't be focused or worried about it anymore, as Dan had more than proved himself now.

"So the risk could have been worse. I was still risking myself for immediate rejection, though. I should have waited," Phil admitted, muttering the final bit though part of him still felt like he'd made the right choice. For all their ups and downs, they'd gotten this far, after all. Phil curled back up on Dan's lap and closed his eyes again, feeling a little sad but cheering up marginally just by being near his witch.

Warmth grew in Dan's heart as he watched Phil sit up to stare at him, only to settle back in his lap once he'd made his point clear. And ok, yes, Phil had apparently been more careful than Dan thought. At least he'd made sure that Dan was the only witch around when he'd shown up.

"You can't blame me for not recognising you!" Dan huffed, though he was back to laying a hand in Phil's hair. He almost missed the cat form, because then he could scruff up his fur. As it was, he simply elbowed Phil in the side. "I had no idea I even _had_ a familiar. You hadn't shown up for twenty-three years, I thought I was safe." He sniffed. "...Not that I regret you showing up. I love having you here now, but it was a bit of a shock."

He sighed, understanding Phil perhaps better than he expected to, especially now their bond was open and he could feel all of Phil's conflicting emotions. In sympathy, Dan rubbed his own mixed feelings against Phil's, letting him see just how much Dan hadn't been expecting him, and then how long it had taken to adjust to him. He mixed an apology in there, as well, letting himself be completely honest.

Phil couldn't help snorting a small laugh, smiling a bit as he rolled a little to look up at Dan, eyes sparkling with mirth. He didn't even mind that Dan hadn't recognised him now, not when they were both able to tease each other about it. everything seemed so much better right now. It helped that Dan was pressing up against Phil's soul with emotions that belied his words, and it helped that Dan was saying he loved having Phil's company now. He would have purred happily if he could have, and instead sighed as he let his eyes slip closed. They were together now, and that was all that really mattered.

They were quiet for a little while, and Phil allowed himself to doze.

"Are you hungry?" Dan asked after a moment, continuing to stroke his fingers through Phil's hair. Phil had kissed his knee earlier, and although Dan was surprised, he had to admit that he was kind of liking the intimacy in some respects. He scratched at Phil's head right where he used to scratch his ear as a cat, and continued, "I don't know if you ever got to eat in your world before you came back here."

Snuffling a bit at Dan’s words, Phil tilted his head to stare adoringly up at Dan. He was never going to get used to having someone want to take care of him like Dan seemed to, especially not when he’d grown up believing that he was meant to take care of his witch rather than the other way around, but nonetheless, he shook his head. "I'm not hungry. I ate while I was up there. It was difficult, but I wasn't sure - I wasn't expecting you to just turn around and accept me. I didn't want to be hungry again for as long as possible, no matter how much it hurt to stay in the other world," he explained quietly, not wanting to make Dan feel guilty, but also not wanting to keep secrets from Dan too much anymore. It hadn't turned out well the last time.

Dan winced at the thought of Phil in pain, unhappy at the idea of him being forced to stay somewhere that would hurt him. Dan almost wished he had accepted Phil much earlier than this - even though he knew neither of them had been ready, that they were barely managing things as they were. Still, he would have saved Phil a lot of pain that way.

"Of course I accepted you as soon as I knew how it was hurting you," Dan frowned. "I wasn't going to let you continue in pain.” His hands brushed more softly through Phil’s hair in silent contemplation. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Phil.

"It's not as though I don't think highly enough of you to know that you wouldn’t want me to be in pain," Phil murmured. " I just - I guess, for all that I could feel how much you didn't want to lose me, I knew how big a change accepting me would be. I thought.. I thought it would take you longer," Phil admitted, not saying that part of him had thought it might never happen. While he'd been happy and hopeful, he'd been braced for the heartbreak and pain. "But thank you. Thank you for letting me in. I promise I'll be everything you need me to be." Phil kissed Dan's knee again, grateful beyond words that Dan was actually giving him a chance. He'd never been quite so happy about anything in his life, and even now, the little spurts of magic were only being kept in check because of Dan.

"Maybe I should have left it longer," Dan admitted quietly. "I mean, I still have no idea how any of this is going to work. But it was too important not to let you feel any pain. Ever since you got me the dragonplant and it started doing so well, and you helped me with my potion for the common cold, and you were so bright and happy and _different_ to my bleak little world - and then, when I felt how much you were suffering after I rejected you - I just knew I couldn't let you go through anything like that again."

"I...I'm secretly glad you didn't leave it longer," Phil admitted quietly, not opening his eyes again. "I didn't want to suffer. I didn't... want to not trust you. I... I just wanted to be in your life," he said, swallowing thickly. "It's why I never told you I'd die if you didn't accept me. I knew _my_ want was to force you to say _yes_ , so I needed some way to give you the freedom to say _no_." It hurt to admit to that, but there was no point in secrets any longer. He liked that Dan seemed to feel that way too, his words echoed by shadows of memory floating through the bond. Phil didn't reach out and latch on, even though part of him wanted to, just wanting to enjoy the fact that the bond was open. He didn't need to invade it.

Dan paused in his stroking of Phil's hair for a moment, looking down at the side of his head and the softness of his features. Dan's lips twitched upwards a little. "I'm glad I chose early, too. I really don't want you to suffer, Phil, you've done enough of that for me.”

Dan flushed a little and quickly looked away, still unused to admitting so much and being so close to another person. In some ways, that had been easier when Phil was a cat, because Dan didn't have to worry so much about keeping things appropriate. On the other hand, it was much easier to hold a conversation when Phil was looking like a human and not a strangely sentient animal.

“I'm glad you ate, though. Now you don't have to go back there,” Dan murmured, and then went quiet for a moment, a terrible thought crossing his mind that he'd rid Phil of his home. But no, Phil had made it more than evident that he was happy to be with Dan. Still, Dan worried. "Will you miss it?" Dan asked quietly. "Your own world, I mean?"

"Technically, I never have to go back there again at all if I don't have too. I'll eat with you, now," Phil explained, still mulling over Dan's question. "But I won't miss it. Not in the sense that you think. I had friends there, but not friends like you have. We were all friends. We all felt each other's pain and suffering. I love my fellow familiars dearly, but I'd rather - we'd all rather - the others find their witches and live out a happy life here, than being stuck in our world. We've seen the way those who are trapped suffer."

"Your world sounds so different to ours," Dan mused, "But I'm glad you won't miss it. I won't feel so guilty about denying you it, then. And it'll be fun to teach you how to cook." Dan's lips twitched. He hadn't had anyone to eat with in years, and a life alone had been...different. Dan thought that was all he wanted, but having Phil around was proving to be interesting. He was filling a hole that Dan wasn't even aware he had.

Dan tilted his head, studying Phil closely. "...I admit, though, I wasn't expecting you to turn human straight away. Is that permanent? PJ's familiar is still a raven whenever I see her." Dan pursed his lips. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have Phil switching back and forth between animal and human. He kind of liked both forms, though when he was human it was a bit easier to talk to him. Dan felt on safer ground.

"I'm not really sure?" Phil murmured back. "Most familiars I've spoken to don't know either. I've watched familiars go about their lives, and most of them seem perfectly able to switch back and forth. I didn't even know you accepting me would cause me to switch, but then. I think... well, my magic knows I was trying really hard to become human for you in the beginning. I had thought it might help; you hated cats so much... but a familiar can't change form before acceptance because the familiar's magic wants the familiar to be accepted as who they are first. I'm wondering if I made the change right away because I tried for days to be this form for you, and my magic is finally catching up. I'm scared I'm stuck for a little while," Phil admitted, squinting his eyes open to peer at Dan. "I hope that's okay?" he asked, shy.

“Of course it's no problem you're human - even if you're stuck for a bit. I happen to quite like your human form. If you're human for a while then I can teach you how to get around," Dan smiled, feeling a little tug of excitement at the thought of spending more time with Phil. Getting to know him would be fun. "I think we can show you how to cook, how to walk. Maybe get you more comfortable in this form before you try changing back again?"

Phil's heart fluttered happily at Dan's words, and he smiled, feeling a tiny surge of magic go haywire away from Dan and send sparks over their heads. He kind of liked his magic like his; not destructive, but just kind of... celebratory. He laughed at the sight of it, and rolled so he could press his face into Dan's stomach the same way he would have had he been a cat. Dan seemed to freeze for a moment before relaxing, the same way he'd been reacting to a lot of Phil now that he was human. Phil could feel how awkward it was, and understood there were a lot of... strange boundaries they both were unsure of now.

But Phil didn't care. Phil was happy, right now. Phil just wanted to be happy and have Dan be happy. His stomach was curling with happy butterflies and he constantly felt like he wanted to whoop for joy. Nothing was better than this feeling right now. He would take anything and everything that Dan would give him, and be happy no matter what turn their personal relationship took. Phil was made for Dan. It meant there was nothing Phil wanted that Dan wouldn't want as well. They were the perfect match, no matter in what ways.

Phil just wanted to reassure Dan of that, and so he pressed the thoughts against him.

"That would be great," Phil agreed, yawning hugely. "But right now. I just want to sleep," he added, and nuzzled at Dan's skin. "Don't be so nervous. I'm the same as I was before; just more your size now. We can... we can figure everything out as we go," he promised, and sighed again as he felt the exhaustion began to pull at him properly. "Night, Dan."

Dan swallowed as Phil curled up in his lap, still stubbornly behaving the exact way he would as a cat. The trouble was, he seemed exactly intent on curling up and sleeping there just the way he would have then, without any thought to how this looked or what it meant or how Dan was going to sleep...

Dan pulled himself out of those thoughts with difficulty. He could feel through their bond that Phil didn't mean any of this in the way Dan was taking it - in fact, probably, Phil wasn't even _aware_ of how awkward Dan was finding touches like this now that Phil had a human body. Should Dan even bother trying to explain? After all, Phil was pretty comfortable with his face pressed right into Dan's stomach, sprawled out across his lap. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even and surely he had to be exhausted from everything that happened today.

Could Dan really disturb him, after everything Dan had put him through?

Dan gnawed on his lower lip, frozen in place. It was late by now, and Dan was tired and kind of comfortable with Phil sprawled there. He could just...forget about it and sleep like this. Phil wouldn't find it awkward. To Dan, it didn't have to be any different to when Phil was a cat. Besides, what would Dan even do if he did wake Phil up? Dan only had one bed. He'd let Phil take it while he slept on the sofa, only...the idea of sleeping on the sofa without Phil was kind of wrong.

Fine. So Dan would leave things as they were. With that decided, he firmly shut his brain off from overthinking everything again and instead slid down a little so he could lay his head back against the sofa cushions. He was soon asleep with a hand still curled in Phil's hair.


	11. Chapter 11

The sound of a knock woke Dan the next morning.

He startled awake, jerking hard enough to almost knock Phil off his lap, and there was a thought -  _ Phil was asleep on his lap _ . Still very much in human form. Dan stared down at him with nerves suddenly afire in his belly again, worried that this meant more than he'd ever meant for it to.

The knock sounded again, pulling him out of his thoughts when a familiar voice called through the door, "Dan? Are you in?"

Dan cursed in his head. PJ. Of course PJ would come to check on him; last he'd seen, Dan was carrying a clearly injured familiar up the stairs after partially destroying the town. Dan grimaced. He didn't even know how to explain any of this - and especially not when Phil was asleep on his lap.

Phil hadn't ever truly known sleep or dreams. Without his witch, a familiar couldn't truly enjoy a lot of little things, dreams included. Now, though, Phil found himself dreaming quite vividly, with images of Dan as a young boy flashing through his mind. It caused him to purr and curl into Dan, and the sound made sense in his dreams as Phil was very much still feline to his own mind. The longer he spent human, the more he might feel like both, but for now, he was definitely still the same cat he'd always been. 

The dreams were far more lovely than Phil had ever imagined they would be, and he felt himself grinning even in his sleepy state. His magic felt warm and coiled asleep in him as well, making Phil feel safe that he wouldn't destroy anything.

It felt almost intrusive to dream of Dan though, and he could feel that he could enter Dan's dreams if he wanted, but he pulled back from the bond and just enjoyed Dan's warmth as he allowed himself to dream of other things - like the future he couldn't wait to have.

Phil was in such a deep sleep that even when he felt Dan jostle under him, he merely curled further into his abdomen, reaching out and bunching his fingers in his witch’s shirt. He wasn't ready to get up yet, half hoped it was just a nightmare he could comfort Dan in, and curled in tighter to the warm heat that was Dan.

Dan blinked, glancing down when he felt Phil's fingers tighten in his shirt as he curled even closer to Dan than he already had been. Dan's heart was in his mouth. He was terrified of ruining this, of breaking this little bubble, but it was just strange to have someone else sleeping in his lap. When Phil was a cat, sure, but as another human...

The rippling echoes from Phil's dreams were flowing at the edges of their bond, Dan realised slowly as he came more awake. He'd had a dreamless sleep, exhausted from the emotional upheaval of the past few days, but it seemed Phil was having anything but. Dan hesitated in feeling them, not really wanting to intrude. He could gather enough to know that Phil still thought of himself as a cat, though.

If Phil thought he was a cat, then there was no problem with him sleeping in Dan's lap. In fact, Phil  _ was _ a cat, just as much as he was human. Phil was a familiar. That meant he wasn't quite either form, no matter how he looked. He was a creature of immense magic, Dan had felt it pulsing through their bond, even though it had tamed a little since Dan had accepted Phil. He was still an otherworldly creature. Human rules didn't apply to him, surely?

Just then, the knock sounded again, and PJ's voice was more urgent now. "Dan? Are you okay?" There was worry in his voice, and Dan couldn't exactly blame him after how Dan had been behaving lately.

So, a little apprehensive, Dan flicked his hand lazily at the lock, opening it with magic. "In here," he said, tired, and laid a careful hand on a still-sleeping Phil's head to scratch gently at his hair. He'd have fun explaining this one, but he really didn't want to disturb Phil when he was finally getting some rest. At least Phil was clothed, now.

Predictably enough, PJ gasped when he entered the room and saw Dan on the sofa with a strange man sprawled out across his lap.

"He still thinks he's a cat," Dan tried to explain, weakly. "So it...isn't what it looks like."

Dan was shifting about. Mindlessly, Phil reached for him, groping around with strange shaped fingers for Dan's hand. He hoped to help relax him by holding his hand like they'd done before, only he couldn’t freaking  _ find _ it, and then, suddenly, it was there and Phil was the one relaxing, humming softly as he let out a breath of relief. Knowing Dan was okay and seemed to be relaxing from whatever problem he was having himself almost allowed Phil to drift back to sleep, but there was a disturbance in the air about him that made him twitch uncomfortably.

Someone else was here. It wasn't just Dan safe with Phil anymore. Someone had come in, and Phil tensed immediately, limbs shaking slightly as he worked to wake enough to take in whatever was happening. He could faintly hear words but his mind hadn't come completely awake yet, and so it took some struggling for him to eventually make out a few whispered words.

"...Phil... been rough..."

"...she said....thought it was wrong."

Phil grimaced as he properly came awake finally, and suddenly couldn’t help wondering why humans slept so deeply when coming back awake was so difficult. He made a small whining noise that seemed to interrupt whatever conversation about himself was going on behind him, and slowly, Phil let his eyes come open. He didn't roll over or try and look at the newcomer in Dan's home, however. Instead, he tilted his chin just enough to look up at Dan with sad, worried eyes. He wanted to ask if everything was okay, but he was kind of intimidated and scared, feeling vulnerable having just woken up as he had. 

Dan instantly glanced down when Phil made a noise, abandoning all conversation with PJ right in the middle of a sentence. He saw Phil looking up at him with a confused, heartbreaking look, and in seconds Dan was soothing him, stroking a hand through his hair and sending warm, comforting feelings through the bond. Hesitantly, he tried speaking that way, wanting to let Phil know exactly what was going on without freaking him out too much.

_ Stay calm, everything is fine. PJ is just here checking up on me and he found you, so...I'm explaining. It's okay, though. You're safe. _ Dan hoped that would be enough to stop Phil freaking out, especially with how strongly Phil's magic was tied to his emotions. Dan knew he could control it, but he wasn't sure how much yet, and he didn't exactly want to use PJ as a test subject.

Dan's voice in Phil’s mind was always going to be the best medicine to any and all of Phil's worries. He was relaxing immediately, burying his head back into Dan's stomach to hide his face. PJ was Dan's friend. He didn't need to be afraid of PJ. In fact, he'd wanted to  _ meet _ PJ not twelve hours or so ago. Phil wasn't sure why he was suddenly so nervous and afraid, but he thought it might have to do with the negative emotions flowing through the room that were most definitely not his or Dan's. 

PJ was still staring at them, so Dan looked back up with a small huff, continuing their conversation. "I don't care if your raven said he was wrong, he  _ isn't _ . At least, not anymore."

PJ was white as a sheet as he gasped at Phil, leading Dan to wrap a protective arm around Phil's waist to keep him sheltered in his lap. PJ blanched. "But, Dan... You  _ rejected him _ . He should be dead. And with his power, he should have taken the whole city down with him."

Dan glared. "Could you maybe not say that so loud? He's just woken up."

PJ recoiled, if only a little. His eyes were wide. "But this is impossible. It's  _ wrong _ ."

"Well, clearly it isn't," Dan retorted. "I got him back. I got him back and accepted him, so."

"You accepted him?"

"Yes! Isn't that obvious?"

PJ shook his head, still staring. "So you just - have a familiar now?"

"Apparently," Dan muttered, and he reached down to stroke Phil's hair again. A small smile twitched at his lips. "Apparently I'm happy about it, too."

Phil flinched as he heard PJ call Phil ‘wrong’, suddenly catching up to their conversation and how even PJ's familiar had been able to feel that Phil was dead, or at least  _ should have been _ dead. It was the same reaction all of the familiars in their world had had to Phil as well, but it still hurt to hear someone so vehemently trying to say that Phil shouldn't exist anymore.

Not that he didn't understand PJ's confusion. Phil had been confused enough to find that he was still alive. Still, the shouting really wasn't doing well for his ears, and it wasn't until Dan's voice went soft and happy that Phil felt his heart flutter and something warm fill him, replacing the fear almost entirely. 

It still made him nervous as he began to roll over out of Dan's lap on the sofa to turn and face PJ. When his eyes landed on the unsure and clearly distressed man, the tension and fear drained away. 

"Hello," he greeted quietly, biting his bottom lip. "I can - I can explain everything, if you like."

Dan's first instinct was to catch Phil when he tried to start moving, to bring him back down and let him sleep some more in his lap, but then he watched as Phil sat upright, turned to face PJ, and offered to explain, and some of the worry dripped out of him. He could see in Phil's mind that Phil was relaxed now, no longer uncomfortable. If he wanted to talk to PJ, then Dan wasn't going to stop him, and Dan could always step in if he needed to.

PJ, it turned out, looked a little nervous when Phil spoke to him directly. He swallowed, still pale and trembling just a little, but he was careful to keep looking at Phil. "Um - I suppose - yes? I just don't understand, but I'll listen if you explain."

Now that Phil was sitting up, Dan was able to wind an arm around his shoulders, trying to act as a comfort as Phil started to speak. Dan's brows furrowed and he looked down. He already knew that PJ would judge Dan for the way he had behaved, would be angry at him for not telling PJ exactly what had been going on. But it was important for PJ to know, and Dan was kind of happy that he wouldn't have to keep Phil a secret anymore.

Phil was hardly upright before Dan was sliding an arm around Phil's shoulder, helping him to relax further as PJ awkwardly met Phil's gaze. He didn’t seem particularly comfortable looking at Phil head on, but Phil had a feeling it was more to do with the knowledge that he was talking to someone else's familiar. From what Dan had said, most witches and familiars kept to themselves, especially when a familiar was in their human form. It was just… almost intimate - in a non-sexual way, Dan assured him - for a familiar to be in their human form. Special. Meant only for the eyes of a witch. Dan had never seen PJ's raven in human form, nor had he spoken to her, and so it made sense that PJ was unsure of himself with Phil treating him like any other person, because according to Dan’s explanation,  _ Phil shouldn’t _ . Or at the very least, familiars so rarely  _ were _ human in front of other people.

Doing his best to smile and look reassuring, Phil nodded his head at PJ’s promise.

"What’s happened to us, It's - it's really rare," Phil started, his voice shaking as he spoke, "But um. See, sometimes... it's not a science, exactly. It happens so rarely, I had to find the elders in our world to understand myself, but. But... I misunderstood Dan's reaction to me as a rejection, and my magic went on a rampage, but.... but Dan's bond with me was strong enough to pull me back, and his desire to  _ accept _ me so pure, that it - well it created an even stronger bond between us, and once he really did accept me... Everyone thought there was something wrong about me when I was still in limbo, but the elders reassured me that everything is fine now. Dan just - Dan just had to accept me for my magic to - to find where it needed to go. And... and that's with me. So. So I'm not dead, and I'm not rejected, and I'm just - just like any other familiar, just... a little more special and a lot more lucky because I got Dan," he summarised, biting his lip as he finished, twiddling his fingers in his lap, and trying to smile reassuringly at PJ, whose jaw had absolutely dropped open at that point.

Nervous he'd said something wrong, Phil turned to Dan. "Did I - did I say something wrong?" he asked, leaning his shoulder into Dan's. 

Dan glanced over when Phil leaned into him, and rubbed reassuringly over his arm. "No, you didn't say anything wrong," Dan answered, flicking another glance at PJ. "That's all the truth, and exactly what happened."

PJ was staring between the two of them as if nothing had made any sense in the slightest. Eventually, he managed to ask, "But how -  _ how _ \- there was so much power in that!"

Dan grimaced, sharing a small look with Phil. He didn't really know how to react. Even after his research, Dan was still a little confused by most of the culture surrounding witches and familiars, and so he was a bit nervous about talking to PJ about this, especially as PJ had always had a good relationship with his familiar - the raven had been around for as long as Dan had known PJ, which had been just a little less than a year.

"Also," PJ growled, eyes flaring at Dan, "How  _ could _ you have rejected him? Didn't you know what would happen?"

Dan recoiled, hiding a bit behind Phil as he shook his head. "I didn't know."

"You  _ didn't know _ ?!" PJ was trembling, "Half the city is gone, Dan! There are people without houses, cracks because of the earthquakes - the whole place is a mess because you  _ didn't know _ ?!"

Dan flinched, reaching out and grabbing Phil’s hand in his, because all that PJ was doing now was reminding both of them of what they’d already worked so hard to get through, to explain and forgive away. In some strange way, Dan thought PJ was being particularly unfair.

Phil didn't like the way PJ suddenly switched demeanours, lashing out at Dan and demanding to know how he could have not known what might happen should he reject Phil. Not to mention he was acting as though Dan had no  _ right _ to do such a thing. "No one has to accept us!" Phil hissed, standing up and dislodging himself from Dan's side, going on the defensive even as PJ seemed to ignore him.  Phil could feel the tension filling the room, the anger beating against him and his own magic beginning to react - 

And then PJ was reminding him of what he’d done to the city, and the damage that he’d left behind. For a few days, Phil had just… forgotten. He’d known there were people out there who were hurt, knew that they probably needed Dan, the healer, and his apothecary shop, but he’d forgotten entirely the lives he’d ruined by destroying their homes.

Slowly, Phil collapsed back onto the sofa next to Dan and stared at his hands in horror. How could he have forgotten what he had done? How could he have forgotten the pain he’d caused? He hadn't wanted to destroy anything, and now PJ was calling him and Dan out on the destruction of everyone else’s world just so Dan and Phil could feel happy together. Phil's heart racing so hard, his hands shaking so much, that he actually jumped when Dan reached for his hand.

Then, Phil had a thought.

"Where is your familiar? Let me speak with her," he demanded, standing on determined legs as he stared at PJ with a stony glare.

PJ's mouth pulled into a thin line as he glared at Phil now, no longer seeming afraid of him at all, not that Phil blamed him. Phil had destroyed the entire city and hadn’t even cared to try and fix it.

"She's cleaning up the mess  _ you _ made," he snapped, and pointed out Dan's open front door. "If you want to talk to her, go find her yourself."

Phil didn't waste another second on PJ's anger before he was walking straight out of the room, tears pricking his eyes as the horror finally began to hit him. He'd caused people pain and had naively thought that it would be all okay in the end. He shook his head, bit his lip, felt tears actually begin to roll down his cheeks, and tried to focus on just not falling down the fucking stairs Dan hadn't had a second to teach him how to walk down. 

His hands braced himself on the bannister as he inched down, trying to mimic the memories in Dan's head - and then a hand was reaching out and grasping lightly to his shoulder. Phil knew it was Dan immediately, and he released a sob he'd been holding in as he turned to stare up at his witch.

"I have to fix this," he begged. "Help me."

The minute Phil was out of the room, Dan leaped to his feet and fixed PJ with a furious glare. Anger was bubbling under his skin, growing all the stronger as Dan felt the sadness and guilt flowing through from the bond with Phil. He turned on PJ with a snarl. "How dare you? Phil didn't know! And I didn't know either! We didn’t realize how bad things were. You didn’t have to attack us!"

"You’re just irresponsible," PJ snapped back, but Dan cut him off with a whirl of his cloak.

"I'm going to help him, seeing as you've upset everything again." There was venom in Dan's tone. "Don't bother following."

Without waiting for an answer, Dan was out of his apartment and racing for the stairs where, sure enough, there was a crying and frustrated Phil battling with the stairs. Dan would have set a curse on PJ then, if he didn't have other priorities. How  _ dare _ he put this all on Phil?

"Shh, don't worry, I'll help," Dan murmured, instantly wrapping an arm around Phil's shoulders and drawing him back until he was pressed into Dan's chest and safely away from the stairs. "Don't worry. None of this is your fault."

Despite his words, he could still feel the guilt from Phil, and there were actual tear tracks on his cheeks. Dan was going to  _ kill _ PJ. No one made his Phil cry - and the possessiveness of that caught Dan by surprise, but he couldn't analyse it right now. No, right now, Phil needed him.

Dan didn't give Phil a second to mourn on his own before he was being dragged into warm arms, his face smushed against a sturdy chest. Phil welcomed the show of strength, melting into the touch of his witch, and he sniffled as his fingers came up to tangle into Dan's shirt. "I didn't mean to," he begged, whimpering as he shuddered in Dan's hold at the very idea of how much damage he may have inadvertently caused. "I didn't mean to, Dan, I thought it was okay now!" he begged, wanting Dan to know that Phil really hadn't meant any of this. 

He'd never intended for any of this to happen at all.

Dan's murmured words were a comfort, but they could only soothe so much when Phil was drowning in the guilt of what he'd caused, and he sniffled against Dan as his shoulders shook uncontrollably. He didn’t like his newfound ability to actually cry. The tears stung his eyes and made him feel blind.

"Lean into me," Dan reassured with soothing touches and gentle feelings through their bond. He didn't want to risk letting Phil climb down the stairs on his own, not when he still didn't know how to navigate Dan's tiny apartment in his new human body. So instead, Dan pushed the image of carrying Phil on his back through the bond, and held his arms out, turning his back welcomingly. "Trust me?"

Phil was still sniffling and shaking when Dan drew away from him, urging Phil to lean into him so he could pull him back from the stairs. Phil was about to protest when Dan was suddenly pushing images into his mind of Phil climbing onto his back and Dan carrying him down, and he looked up at Dan with vulnerable blue eyes as Dan stared back at him with warm brown ones. "I'll always trust you," he replied, voice choked up with tears. It was difficult to speak around the lump. "I just - I'm sorry, Dan," he whined, even as Dan shushed him and continued to hold his arms behind himself in offer for Phil to climb on.

Phil did. It was a struggle of attempting to make his limbs do what he wanted, now that he was overthinking it, but he jumped when Dan told him too, and he wrapped his legs around his waist, his arms around his neck, and held on for dear life as Dan began to move. 

Phil crying was quickly becoming Dan's least favourite thing. He could feel the pain through the bond, pulsing with fear and guilt and upset, and he hated it. Phil didn't deserve it. Phil had only ever been trying to do his best, and if Dan had never rejected him in the first place, then this whole sorry mess would never have happened.

"I know, I know, don't worry, I'll help you," Dan soothed, his heart breaking. He shifted Phil carefully against his back and climbed quickly down the stairs, keeping his balance despite how Phil was heavy and warm against him. Holding someone else, even in this strange way, was new. 

Once they were at the bottom, Dan bent down and got Phil back on his feet, and was instantly spinning to grip both his hands, facing Phil determinedly.

"I promise this isn't your fault," Dan murmured, releasing one hand to swipe a thumb under Phil's eye. "I'll help you. We can fix anything together, you and I."

Being carried in human form was... terrifying. Phil had never minded it when Dan picked him up as a cat, cradling him to his chest and keeping a tight hold on his bum, but this? This was terrible. Phil could feel that with every bounce of Dan’s body, Phil's own was slipping down his back and out of his hold. He clung with everything he had, eyes squeezed shut, and just prayed they would reach the bottom safely.

When they did, it was a relief to have Dan helping Phil back onto his feet. He whimpered as he got his balance back under him, wanting to storm off and find this raven immediately, to figure out how they could help, when Dan instantly span around and gripped tight to his hands. 

Blinking back more tears, Phil let out a strangled sob as Dan wiped the tears already under his eyes. 

"But I - I did this," Phil said. "I destroyed everything. And then I  _ forgot _ , Dan, I -" Phil cut himself off, leaning into Dan and resting his forehead against Dan's shoulder. Dan reached out to stroke a hand down Phil's back soothingly, and Phil shuddered under the touch. "I just want to fix it. We can - we can fix this. Please, Dan, don't hate me. I'm sorry."

"I could never hate you," Dan promised softly, his heart breaking all over again at the tremor in Phil's voice. He was flaring with anger and sadness and guilt all mixed up with Phil's own emotions, and his own eyes were burning as he wiped more of Phil's tears away.

"I promise to fix this," Dan assured, his brow creasing. "It's as much my fault as yours. If I'd never yelled at you..." He cut himself off with a shake of his head, and drew Phil into him. "It's on both of us. And we can fix it together. Trust me."

When he felt Phil beginning to calm, if only a little, Dan drew back and took his hand, turning towards the door. "Are you ready?" he asked, nervous. "I'm going to be by your side, always."

It was such a mess of emotions between the two of them, both feeling as though they were at fault even when it was completely out of their control. Deep down, Phil knew this, Phil understood this, but it was different being in the situation and hating yourself for the damage and pain that you had caused. Still, he appreciated the moment of hiding in Dan's arms, trying to soak in his reassurances that Phil wasn't alone and that Dan would help him, that they would both make this right. Just knowing that Phil wasn't alone in this was enough. 

His breathing had steadied a bit, but he was still crying when Dan pulled away. 

"I'm ready," he replied, smiling instantly as Dan promised to always stay by his side. "I'll always be ready if you're there," he admitted, and wiped at his own tears as he tried to gain control over himself. He couldn't afford to freak out and cause any more damage. "Just. Just keep an eye on my magic," he begged. 

Phil closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he finally turned around. He didn't really know where he was going, but he started walking anyway, headed through Dan's shop and out into the streets he'd ventured through earlier. 

The world was in chaos. Phil could see it from here. There were helicopters everywhere, and witches and familiars working together to put out magical fires and re-build houses from what was left of them. Phil's heart plummeted to his stomach, and he reached behind him to take Dan's hand in his. He squeezed probably harder than he should have, but Dan didn't reprimand him, squeezing back comfortingly and moving forward so his back was flush to Phil's. 

How they hadn’t heard any of the commotion outside, Phil really didn’t know. They’d just been so wrapped up in their own drama…

The city was in chaos, that much was obvious from the moment they started walking outside of Dan's shop. Dan flinched away from the chaos, guilt and confusion warring together in him. Had he really caused all this? Just by rejecting Phil? Phil had to have a lot of power if the amount of destruction was anything to go by. But Dan already knew that. He'd sat in the very centre of the disaster, after all. He'd seen first-hand the lightning strikes and storms and earthquakes that had brought about so much damage.

Buildings stood blackened and empty, the streets were lined with frightened faces and miserable sights, and everywhere they went they got panicked looks in return. The people stared at Phil in particular with suspicion. Dan recognised a lot of them, had treated a lot of them, and it hurt to see them staring at him with such distrust now.

"It's okay, Phil. We'll get through this," Dan murmured, and Phil believed him, casting a heartbroken look behind him, before he began walking once again.

His steps were rushed and horrified. He tripped more than once, casting terrified eyes all over the town as he made his way to the part he'd destroyed. People were huddled everywhere, watching things unfold, and they cast confused gazes upon Phil as he moved past. Phil didn't stop to talk, even as he watched familiar after familiar catch sight of him and gasp in surprise and fear of him. To them, Phil should be dead, and it didn’t surprise them that his walking around terrified them.

They'd hardly made it into the far end of town before a black raven was swooping down and landing on Phil's shoulder. It made him jump, and he cried out as it's nail dug into him, a furious voice in his head.

_ PHIL! _ they cried into his mind.

_ Mara?! _ Phil shouted back, immediately reaching up and pressing newfound fingers into Mara's feathers.  _ Mara, you're PJ's familiar?! _ he questioned the moment his mind touched her's, flinching back from the influx of thoughts.  _ Calm down, shh, please Mara, you're scaring me! _ he begged. 

_ Sorry. I just - we thought you were dead! _ Mara screeched back, echoing the noise with a loud caw into the air. Phil felt Dan's fingers tighten around his, and cast him a distressed look. 

"It's - it's fine, I know her," he said aloud, and then turned back to Mara.  _ I know. I thought I was dead. I didn't even know - I didn't even know a familiar could be brought back from the edge, _ he said.  _ But Mara, please, I can explain later, just - _

_ You don't smell wrong anymore. You're alive, oh God, Phil I thought - _

_ Mara, please! Tell me what I can do! I have to fix this! _

As they edged closer to the alley that Dan had found Phil in, a very familiar black shape was suddenly flying towards Phil's shoulder. Dan's first reaction was to pull Phil out of the way, only Phil was reaching up to touch her with a shocked expression on his face. Dan sent him a concerned look, but Phil reassured him before going back to the raven.

Dan looked on in quiet shock. He'd known PJ a long time, but never spoken to his familiar, and now Phil  _ knew  _ her? He hadn't seen that coming, and actually felt a sharp tug of dislike. He'd never got on with the raven, in fact, it seemed like she'd never liked him. Why did she suddenly think she could talk to Phil?

Dan ended to folding his arms and watching with a deep frown as Phil and the raven seemed to have some sort of private conversation. If Phil knew her, then did that mean she'd known he was going to be Dan's familiar? How long had they known each other, anyway? And why hadn't she helped him when Dan was messing everything up?

A loud squawk startled Phil into letting Mara go, and she flew away so rapidly that Phil didn't see where she went. For a moment, he was lost, heartbroken even that a friend from home had left him just like that. He'd thought things were okay when she'd declared how happy she was that Phil was alive, and now - but Mara wasn't gone very long at all before Phil caught sight of her black wings soaring back down to him, something dark in her beak. Phil gave her his palm, and stared down at the ring he found there. 

His eyes flickered to Dan. He recognised this, then. It was something of Dan's he'd found that Dan had basically explained was a training ring. It was meant to help keep one's magic focused, and he knew immediately what Mara wanted him to do. 

_ You can fix this, Phil. You can set it right. You just need some focus, _ Mara whispered into his mind, cocking her head and pressing her beak against Phil's cheek.  _ Put it on, come on. We have to set things right. _

Phil didn't hesitate before he did so, sliding the ring along his index finger, and gasping as the magic that had so long been out of his control seemed to halt, settle, and prick at his fingertips. 

Dan's eyes widened at the sight of the ring he'd long since forgotten about in the raven's beak. He watched as she gave it to Phil, and Phil slid it on his finger with sudden renewed purpose, turning to Dan with hope in his sad eyes again.

"Dan," Phil whispered. "Dan, I think - I think we can put this right. I just. Just. Follow my lead, alright?" he asked, and nudged himself against the bond, sending wisps of what he was feeling to Dan along with the thoughts piling in his head, instinctual magic and focus combining together to help Phil know what to do. 

Dan reached for him instinctively, joining their hands together in a tight grip. "I'll follow your lead," he promised quietly, "But I have no idea what's going on." He didn't like feeling confused or out of control, and he was feeling all of that right now.

However, as Phil opened the bond and Dan felt what he was feeling, Dan's eyes sharpened up, his interest piqued. He could sense how much Phil's magic was throbbing with power, but it seemed stronger, more focused this time. It had direction. Dan was joining in before he knew it, adding his own careful magic into Phil's instinctual mess, shaping it, controlling it.

Dan trembled a bit, because for the first time he was feeling Phil and him actually working together, and it was incredible. He leaned into the bond, gripping Phil's hand in his, sensing it when Phil's magic grew stronger. Dan was right there with it, adding spells and order, giving Phil a proper direction until he felt like they were both burning with magic. This felt like enough to fix the city, but he didn't quite know what to do. So he leaned into Phil and lent him all the strength he had, whispering, "Do you know what to do?"

Phil's fingers tightened around Dan's almost immediately upon him reaching for Phil, and he squeezed comfortingly as Dan pressed back against their bond, seeming to take what limited knowledge and understanding Phil had about his own magic and what he wanted to do, and forming it with his own, their magic melding together in a way that made Phil gasp. His heart was racing for an entirely different reason now, and he couldn't help thinking how intimate this made him feel, turning wide eyes to stare at Dan as Dan allowed them to be connected in a much more serious way than ever before. 

Phil could feel Dan's guilt, could feel his determination, and helped him to mold their magic together. Phil had never thought this was what it would feel like to work together with his witch, but he also figured this was a special circumstance, and soaked it all in even as he tried to relax and let Dan's magic control his, shaping it into something useful for once.

He gasped as something tugged deep inside of him, and cast startled eyes out upon the city around them. The crowds had pushed back, staring at Dan and Phil in awe, and suddenly, Phil was very aware of the dark aura around them both - a deep purple, just like the bond Phil could see between them when he was staring at Dan. 

"I know what to do," Phil replied, practically in a trance as his magic, magic tinted with Dan's own, shaped and formed in just the right way, began to swell through him. "I can do this," he determined, and then squeezed his fingers tighter around Dan's. "Don't let go."

The magic aura surrounding them let go, then, swarming over the city and it's inhabitants, the sound of it moving a rushing roar in Phil's ear. The sensation swept his hair back, and suddenly, it was like being in the midst of a reverse storm. Eyes glued open, teeth gritted, and something instinctual guiding the controlled magic Dan was twining into his own, Phil watched as the city slowly began to become restored.

Houses that had been destroyed reassembled themselves slowly, agonizingly slowly, draining Phil's magic as magical fires were put out and the earth below their feet was knitted back together. The people who'd feared Phil before stared on in panicked awe as he fought to keep himself under control, gasping and crying as his magic ripped through him, swirling and fighting against the bonds Dan's magic made against them, but Phil clung tighter to Dan, begged mentally for more of his power, knew that it was Dan and only Dan that was keeping Phil from wreaking more havoc upon their city, Dan and only Dan who was giving his magic direction.

Concrete rose, and people gasped as it stacked itself back together, broken cars and machinery melding back together as if nothing bad had happened at all. Trees and shrubbery seemed to heal in seconds, re-growing and re-forming stronger than ever before, pulling back from houses they'd destroyed until even the homes were bouncing back into place, restructured even better than before.

Phil was gasping as it all happened, clinging to Dan for dear life, and feeling himself weaken as he did all that he could to make things right.

_ It's okay now, Phil. Let go, _ Mara whispered into his mind, her beak still soft against Phil's cheek, and that's when he realised that she was still there.  _ It's done. It's finished. Let go. _

_ How can you be sure? _

_ Because I know. The world feels right again. Let go. _

So Phil did, the rush of magic pouring back into him almost as quickly as it had spread out, snapping into his heart and breaking the ring on his fingers until Phil was collapsing to the ground in pain, wailing as his heart was filled with all of the suffering that he'd caused. He spasmed, felt himself throw up, and rolled as he cried, body jerking out of his control. His magic felt spent but also wildly out of control, fighting Phil from the inside out, sparking electricity up and down his skin. He winced as the pain flared through him almost as intense and powerful as the time he'd thought he'd been rejected, and he reached out with his mind for Dan, screaming his name - in his head, or out loud, he wasn't even sure. 

The rush of magic was almost unbearable in its intensity. It flooded through Dan like nothing he'd ever felt before, knocking him sideways, and he was sure he would have fallen if he hadn't been gripping onto Phil's hand so tight. As it was, he simply swayed in place, unsure if his eyes were open or closed. The rush of power filled him with fire, setting his veins alight, and Dan wasn't sure he'd ever be able to withstand this.

Phil dropping his hand brought Dan back, and he opened his eyes with a gasp. Struggling to think through the intense surge that was just beginning to fade, he blinked, swaying, trying to get his bearings back and to figure out where he was and what on earth had just happened. As he looked around, he sucked in a shocked gasp.

Everything was restored.

The city looked just exactly like it always had - buildings intact, cracks disappeared, fires put out. It was as if Phil had never been there. It worked. It  _ worked _ . Whatever they'd done together, it had worked, and Phil had incredible strength considering that he'd been able to put all that right just with the swell of his own magic. Dan's mouth hung open in shock. 

He'd never seen power like this.

He reached out for Phil's hand, wanting to laugh and dance and show him just what he'd managed to do, only--

Phil wasn't there.

Panic suddenly constricting his chest. Dan span around, and it wasn't until he nearly stepped on something squishy that he looked down and saw Phil collapsed at his feet.

"No!" Dan crashed down beside him as quickly as he could, opening up the bond again, reaching for him. It was then he felt the terrible wracks of pain, heard the way Phil screamed for him, blindly searching. In an instant, Dan had his hand firmly entwined with Phil's, leaning into him both physically and mentally, opening their bond as wide as he could in order to flood it with soft, comforting thoughts.

Now he knew a little more about the way their magic worked together, Dan found how the reversal spell they'd just cast together was now feeding back to Phil. All the pain and horror and fear he'd gone through when Dan rejected him was flooding back through him, and it was unbearable even to Dan, who was only feeling it second hand.

"No," Dan hissed, fiercely, and dragged Phil into his arms, dislodging the raven in the process. He didn't pay her any mind, though, shoving her away when she tried to intervene and ignoring her furious caw at him. Instead, he wrapped Phil up in his arms and focused solely on their bond.

He knew how their magic worked, now. He knew how to channel Phil's power, how to shape and control it, and he should be able to do something similar here, like when Dan had healed Phil, before. He nudged himself through their bond and wound himself around Phil, sending little tendrils of magic to wherever there was fear and pain and replacing it with love and warmth instead. All the while, he murmured gentle thoughts, shuddering with the intimacy of this action. He could feel every inch of Phil's well-being. _ I'm here, I've got you. You won't go through this again. _

It hurt more than anything in the world. Phil was on fire, and his mind and his body and his soul were burning with it as he suffered, trying to wrack through it all, trying to escape what he'd done. He didn't want to see and feel all the suffering he'd caused; his guilt was bad enough. But his magic was throwing it at him, filling his limbs and his mind with the pain that others had felt, forcing him to take it all on, shoulder the weight, hold it tight. His magic had healed it, but it had taken the pain itself, and now Phil was left to suffer with it, sobbing as he rolled around for Dan.

It seemed to take forever before his witch was there. Warm arms wrapping around his body, dragging Phil into a sturdy chest like he was a doll. He let himself go, sagging in relief already as Dan opened the bond between them and let the floodgates go, taking in Phil's pain just as much as Phil's magic was making him take it in. He wilted, whimpering and clinging to Dan like his life depended on it, and just soaked in everything Dan was willing to give him.

Then their souls touched again, Dan shoving himself into Phl's space like he didn't know what boundaries were as his magic wound around Phil the same it had done just earlier, and back when Dan had healed him in the first place. It soothed the burning places, put out the fire, and Dan's soft, comforting words, reassurances, promises, those were there too, putting Phil's mind at ease as his body continued to convulse in Dan's arms.

It took a long time, this time. For every fire Dan put out inside of Phil, there were ten more, but Dan never gave up. Even as he cried, Phil was able to feel that much. Dan's touch against him was never ending, soothing and refreshing and  _ good _ . Everywhere Dan touched healed in an instant, but there was so much inside of Phil.

There was so much pain in Phil. So much damage that Dan had to repair, so much hurt and fear and exhaustion, and he was carrying it all himself. That wasn't allowed. As Dan had proved by shoving himself into Phil's mind so completely, he and Phil were in this together now. Dan had accepted him, and that meant he was going to do his job and be the best witch to Phil he could be.

He worked and worked and worked, healing and patching and soothing all the pain he could see building inside Phil. There was just so much of it. It felt like whatever progress Dan was starting to make, suddenly ten new disasters flew up, and he had no way to put them all out. He couldn't soothe all of Phil's pain. There was too much, and he could feel exhaustion tugging at him, but he wasn't going to give up.

Eventually, Phil could feel Dan trembling against him, and he locked his arms around him harder, tighter, comforting him instead, as his own pain began to fade away. The effort Dan had put in had to have been far more taxing than Phil could ever understand, but he'd do anything for Dan. 

_ That's enough, Dan. That's enough. I can bear the rest. Please. Rest. _

Even Phil telling him that he'd done enough didn't soothe Dan at all. He kept working, his magic weaker and weaker each time he sent a burst to knit together another wound. 

_ But you're still hurting, _ he answered tiredly, already wanting to sink into Phil's hold, take comfort in his embrace. This was the first time Phil was holding him.

_ You need more help, _ Dan insisted even as he could feel himself trembling, could sense that his magic wasn't enough. He'd almost used up all his strength already. There was just so much pain here, and Dan couldn't put it all out. He was too weak, always too weak.

_ I'm sorry, _ he whined as he fell into Phil's hold, his magic reduced to pathetic little bursts that couldn't do anything. _ I'm sorry I'm not enough. _

It broke Phil's heart when Dan continued working, his magic stores depleting and his strength disappearing as he soothed over wounds so deep inside of Phil that Phil wasn't sure even he could heal himself. It broke his heart because Dan was tearing himself up inside to save Phil, and all Phil wanted to do was save Dan. Strength returning slowly but surely even as parts of him still ached and hurt, Phil wrapped his arms even further around Dan, shifting their positions until  _ he _ was cradling  _ Dan _ instead of the other way around. 

_ You are enough, _ he insisted softly, rubbing at Dan's back.  _ You're more than enough. You've done more than anyone could have ever asked of you, more than I could have asked of you. _

Their situation was unprecedented, rarely seen. Phil had no way of comparing what had happened to him, what Dan had done to him, to anything else a witch and their familiar had been put through, but Phil still knew beyond a doubt that Dan had done more than enough. 

Phil wasn't in crippling, agonising pain anymore. This, he could bear. This, he could take until his own soul knit itself back together. The rush of magic through him was dulled. 

_ You saved me, Dan, _ Phil murmured.  _ Now rest.  _

Phil felt the moment that Dan gave into him completely. His body became a dead weight in Phil's arms, and his mind shut down into blissful sleep. Sighing, Phil rested his chin on the top of Dan's head, and just held him. 

"Did you see what he did?"

"It's all better, it's fixed!"

"Did that really just happen?"

"Can we trust it?"

"Phil," a familiar voice interrupted the cacophony of townspeople around them. "You’re Phil, right? Dan said..." Looking up, Phil finally met the person's gaze, blinking a few times before realizing it was PJ with a look of deep regret on his face. "Dan said that was your name. Look, I'm sorry about earlier -"

"It's okay," Phil interrupted. "You had every right to be mad."

PJ shook his head. "Doesn't matter. I shouldn't have acted like you were at fault. No one could have predicted what happened, and you're right. No witch has to accept their familiar. It isn't your fault you... you have to implode."

Phil smiled gently at PJ, watching as Mara, who Phil had nearly forgotten about, flapped up onto his shoulder, propping her beak against the shell of PJ's ear. 

"You don't have to apologise," Phil whispered. "You don't. No one can fault you for being upset. I did destroy half the town."

"But it doesn't matter. I never should have treated you that way," PJ combated, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "And you fixed it. I didn't have to treat you like shit to make you fix it. Mara says you would have done it anyway, and I just - I didn't know you, and I'll admit I was afraid of you."

Phil couldn't blame PJ for any of it, but he was beginning to understand that PJ didn't need platitudes. He needed Phil to accept his apology so that his guilt would be lessoned the same way Phil had needed to put the town right to put his own at ease. 

"I accept your apology," he said, to which PJ finally cracked a small grin. 

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" he asked, looking down at the way Dan was collapsed in Phil's arms. Phil glanced down as well, taking in the exhaustion on Dan's face, and how grey he appeared from over use of his magic. 

"Yes, actually. Just. Just keep people away. I don't think I can walk, but I need to get us home, and I'm not sure what kind of blowback will occur if I try and use my magic right now. Can you just act as a lookout until I can get us somewhere safe?"

PJ was quick to agree with Mara cawing at his shoulder, sending Phil something akin to a smile as they both moved to clear a perimeter around Phil of all the curious and excited onlookers who wanted to know what had happened. Phil, meanwhile, raised a weak hand to touch Dan's face, stroking over his cheek and under his eyes. There were tears there, and it made Phil's heart ache. 

He loved this man. this person in his lap, his witch, and he wished for nothing more than the chance to truly take care of him. So, when the coast seemed clear, Phil tugged at the magic in his chest, and popped them both home. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings this chapter** : Minor descriptions of intense pain

It took a long while for Phil to calm down again after magicking them to Dan's room, his magic swirling out of control again for a moment and throwing Dan's belongings about everywhere. Knowing now that Phil _could_ fix it should he need to, he just let it happen, cowering over Dan and hoping nothing hit them as he tried to calm down enough to bring it back under control. He felt Dan stir in his lap, but he relaxed again quickly, which helped to relax Phil who wanted nothing more than for Dan to just sleep and recover.

Last time, he'd been the one to overuse his magic. He knew how much it hurt. Even now, he was still in pain, it just wasn't as excruciating as before Dan had tried to heal him. Phil still felt horrible about it though, trying to worm himself up against Dan's soul in order to soothe him with his own, but ever cautious not to overstep any of the boundaries that Dan had laid out for him in the beginning.

Eventually, he managed to get his magic under control, and then he dragged himself and Dan up and into Dan's bed. As soon as he had, he collapsed, exhausted, with Dan cradled against his very human stomach. He was still dressed in Dan's rope, and it was in slight tatters, but Phil was covered, and that was all that mattered when he fell asleep.

**

Even Dan knew he'd pushed his limits too far this time. He knew it the instant his magic wavered, tenuous, and then flickered out like a light. The emptiness it left behind had Dan feeling hollow, and he recoiled away from the feeling until he was unconscious and barely aware of his surroundings.

It was just like Dan to be incapable of patching up his own mess. He was the one who'd caused all this destruction, after all - his ignorance, his dislike of Phil, his inability to do anything the way it should be done. He was weak, and had made a stupid mistake, and now Phil was paying for it because Dan wasn't even strong enough to heal him. Healing was his fucking job. He should amount to more than this.

Was it any wonder PJ had yelled at him, before? Was it any wonder the crowds, including his patients, stared at him with suspicion and fear in their eyes? This had all been his fault. Dan didn't deserve to have someone like Phil in his life. Whatever Phil said, Dan clearly wasn't up to this.

**

When Dan next came round, he was back in his own apartment again. The judgemental staring and constant muttering from the crowds was gone, but Dan wasn't at peace. He felt exhausted. His limbs were aching, his mouth and throat were dry, and thinking currently felt like wading through thick custard. He groaned and rolled over, pressing his face into the soft surface underneath him, and squeezed his eyes shut. He almost wished he didn't have to wake up.

Dan groaned again. He was leaning against something soft and squishy that smelled good, so he pressed his face determinedly into it and refused to open his eyes. Maybe if he stayed this way, then he'd never have to move again. His entire body ached and hurt, feeling as if his limbs had been ripped apart and then put haphazardly back together. He very much didn't want to move again.

It was Dan's stirring that woke Phil up. His eyes fluttered open slowly, and he winced as sharp pain pulsed through him, but shoved it aside in favor of stroking his fingers through Dan's matted hair. He soothed him with soft feelings in their bond as he felt Dan's turmoil hit him full force once again.

"Shh, you're okay. We're okay. I'm fine."

There was a wonderfully soft touch to his hair. Dan melted under it, relaxing as much as he could even with the constant burning ache that throbbed through his entire body. He couldn't summon enough energy to open his eyes, so he simply pressed his face into the dark, comforting warmth and relaxed.

He could hear Phil talking to him from somewhere above, and it was strangely...wrong to have him speaking aloud rather than inside his head. Boundaries were maybe more important than Dan could currently think, through. He'd be blushing if he remembered just how intimately he'd bound himself to Phil through their bond sometime earlier.

"I'm sorry," Dan murmured as soon as he'd found his voice again. His words were muffled in his pillow - which he was now suspecting was some part of Phil's body, embarrassingly - but he figured Phil probably understood.

"I'm sorry I couldn't fix you properly."

Phil felt Dan tensing and flexing under him, going lax probably from the pain Phil could feel surging through him, and burying his face further into Phil's belly. It made him huff a little from the sensation against his sensitive stomach, but he encouraged Dan to stay by keeping his fingers locked in his soft hair. If there was one thing Phil loved about being human, it was the ability to comfort Dan and thread his fingers through his hair the way Dan had always done for Phil.

"Shh. You did all you could. You did so much for me, Dan," Phil murmured softly, wanting to reach down and kiss Dan's head sweetly, just to reassure him that everything was okay. "You did more than anyone else would have. You used up all of your magic on me, worked until you collapsed. I couldn't ask for anything more," he said, gently carding his fingers through Dan's hair as he brushed up against the bond with his soul again. "I'm well enough to recover on my own, now. It's okay, Dan. You did everything you could."

Dan trembled a little at Phil's words and gentle touches. It was all he wanted to hear. In fact, he could feel himself leaning into it, relaxing further, especially when Phil rubbed softly against his soul. That touch had Dan melting further, leaning into him, relying on him. Dan hadn't ever relied on someone before. He should be strong enough on his own.

"I should have done more," Dan muttered. He didn't move out of Phil's touch, because he couldn't; he didn't have either energy or wish to move away. He was drowning in Phil's touch. It helped to distract him from the constant ache running deep through his bones.

He cracked his eyes open and found that he was, indeed, lying on Phil with his face pressed into Phil's stomach. He drew away, a small flush rising on his right cheek, and hid his face in his arm. He couldn't face Phil just then. Not when he'd failed him so spectacularly.

"You fixed it," Dan mumbled. He still lay in Phil's lap, unable to move away, and he wanted to stay lying there close to Phil, finding comfort in his touch. He sighed, settling himself comfortably, and frowned a bit. "What time is it? Shouldn't I be working?"

Phil shook his head, staring down at Dan sadly. He hated to hear him all torn up about being unable to do more for Phil when Phil felt like Dan had done more than could be expected. His fingers continued their soothing touches though, and he chose not to reply, instead trying to press something soft into the bond so that Dan would feel that Phil was okay. He wanted to thread his own magic through Dan to alleviate some of his hurts, but he was scared with Dan awake, scared when Dan had said before he didn't want Phil to be inside of him. He bit his lip.

" _We_ fixed it," he corrected. "I could never have done anything like that without you." Phil's stomach was doing happy little flips just at the memory of how Dan's magic had touched his, but he couldn't help feeling disappointed when Dan pulled away, rolling a little and hiding his face in his hands while his cheek continued to press into Phil's stomach. "It's not that late. You need to rest," Phil disagreed, and then hesitated.

"Dan?" he asked. "I can - I can help, if you'd... can I... Can I help like you helped me? I think I can soothe some of your pain," he requested, feeling his heart thump louder at the prospect of Dan trusting him enough to touch him like that.

Dan tensed as soon as he understood what Phil was asking of him. The idea of letting someone in as much as that, and having himself so completely open and vulnerable to another person… Dan didn't want that. He didn't want someone hunting through his mind, digging out all his insecurities. Especially not when it was Phil, who actually mattered to him.

Although, was that really fair? Dan had already been inside Phil's mind and soul, after all. He'd done that without even asking permission. Phil, on the other hand, was being considerate enough to ask Dan for permission, and all he wanted was to help. Dan could sense that through their bond.

Plus, Dan was tired. He was exhausted and in pain and he just wanted it to be better already. He wasn't strong enough to fix anything, always too weak. Maybe he should just accept that already.

"Alright," Dan mumbled, shifting a bit to look up at Phil again. It was still a shock to see those eyes looking back at him from a human face. "Okay," Dan affirmed again, and closed his eyes, sagging down in Phil's hold. It was only fair that Phil saw exactly what a failure his witch was, after all.

Phil could feel Dan's reluctance, but he could also feel it when Dan seemed to give up, something in him snapping and breaking in a way that broke Phil's heart. Dan was broken, and the last thing Phil ever wanted to see was Dan feeling broken.

The reluctance of Dan's answer made Phil hesitate even as he moved to press cold fingertips to Dan's cheek, staring into the warmth of his witch’s eyes, and he bit his lip as he considered that he was about to do something with Dan's reluctant permission. He wanted more than reluctance, and yet his soul was begging him to help Dan.

"Okay," Phil agreed. "I- I promise I won't hurt you. I promise I won't look where you don't want me to look." Phil thought he could do this without completely invading Dan's privacy, after all, and he hesitated for one last second before he closed his eyes and nudged into Dan’s mind completely.

The sensation of Phil's soul invading Dan had him shuddering. His automatic reaction was still to recoil away, but he relaxed a little as Phil reassured him that he wouldn't look anywhere Dan didn't want him to, like his deepest thoughts and memories that he never wanted anyone to see. Could Dan keep him out? He wasn't sure. He was weak, and when he'd done it to Phil there hadn't been any boundaries at all. Was there really going to be a way to keep Phil out, once he was in?

Phil broke through the wall that kept them individual people easily enough, melding himself to Dan and feeling it as Dan shuddered at the touch of their souls together. He gasped himself, feeling something light and _good_ fill him just at the feeling of touching Dan. It was just as pleasurable as it had been when Dan had touched him, and Phil couldn't help the happy little sigh he let out as his magic began to move through Dan, winding around him and searching out those cracks within him.

Dan braced himself, gritting his teeth, but the minute he felt Phil's soul touch his, Dan was relaxing without knowing it. It was just _right_ to have Phil with him. The way he felt as Phil nudged against him sent shocks through Dan's body, leaving him resting in calm and peace, feeling as if nothing in the world could touch him.

And then Phil started healing him, and Dan jerked, feeling burning prick at the back of his eyes as he finally let himself fully relax. Phil was there to hold him, and for the first time ever Dan felt as if he was sheltered. He was secure. His magic was freed as Phil gently fixed him, putting him back together and healing wounds that Dan hadn't even known he had.

It wasn't hard to find the source of Dan's magic, nor was it hard to nudge at the sleeping bundle, blue and warm and electric, and awaken it a little. Phil knew just having the core back, even if Dan couldn't use it, would help a little as well, and then he was moving on and pressing into knots of built up pressure and steaming wounds his magic seemed to have caused Dan without Dan having even noticed. He knit together what he could, sighing as he felt the brightness of Dan's against him, and felt himself keel over at the sudden overwhelming sense of _failure_ coursing through his witch.

 _You aren't a failure,_ he whispered, voice a gentle caress against Dan's thoughts. _Look at this. Look at the damage you did to yourself. How could you call yourself weak when you would have let yourself be destroyed for me?_ Phil sniffled, urging his magic along further, begging it to heal Dan. _I bet you didn't even know. Had your magic not given out to protect you, you never would have stopped._

The thought both warmed and hurt Phil, as he realized just how much Dan was willing to give up for Phil.

_You're not a failure. You are so strong, Dan._

In relaxing as much as he had, though, Dan accidentally let Phil in too far. With all his barriers down, it was hard to scramble his thoughts together, and so Dan was powerless against the flood of emotion that rippled through him, and also through Phil, because they were so closely entwined. Everywhere Dan turned Phil was there, wrapped around him, holding him together, surrounding him with more comfort than Dan had ever felt before. It was completely overwhelming.

Dan shuddered when Phil's voice spoke straight into his mind. He couldn't believe it. He wasn't good enough, he had failed Phil on just about every level. He was so damaged because he wasn't enough.

But...Phil didn't believe that.

Miraculously, Phil thought he was enough. Phil was healing him. Dan hadn’t known he'd been so close to burning himself out, hadn’t known the dangers of working too hard - he didn't think there could be. He had to give his all to everything… and yet, he knew Phil was right, in a strange way.

 _I don't feel strong_ , Dan whispered pathetically. He felt much better after Phil had healed him, but honestly, Dan had lost all will to move away. It just felt good to be so close to Phil like this, to be drowning in him, surrounded by him. Dan closed his eyes and sunk into the comfort he was being offered. _I should be better for you. I'm sorry you got stuck with me._

Phil didn't know what to do. Dan was so deep and dark in his own mind, his thoughts and feelings swarming around Phil in a cacophony of self-loathing that honestly hurt Phil. It struck his own heart hard, until he was shuddering from it, twining his soul harder around Dan's and just trying to fill him with hope instead. Phil sniffled, real fingers gripping harder to Dan, pulling him in for a proper embrace even as he knew that Dan was too weak to hold him back.

 _I'm not sorry_ , he said, brusque, nearly choking on the emotion he was attempting to suppress. _I'm not sorry I’m with you. I never thought I'd be so lucky. I never thought my witch would love me so much, he wouldn't allow me to die for him._ Phil shook his head to banish the tears, but they flowed easily on their own anyway. _You are so strong, Daniel Howell. So strong. I'd never even be here if it weren't for you._

Phil wanted to say more, but he didn't know what to say. His words felt powerless, and so he flooded Dan with his own heartbreak and trust and love until he could feel Dan shuddering from the impact of Phil's emotions.

 _You saved me. You healed me. Twice. And every time, you were strong enough to take on my pain, to comfort me and ignore all of your own feelings. You're stronger than me,_ he said, sniffling again, and cradled Dan closer.

Dan was powerless under the flood of emotions that Phil showered him in. There was so much love and warmth and happiness that Dan couldn't deny it, couldn't fight it anymore. Phil was categorically telling him that he was enough, that he was strong and that Phil wanted to be with him. Dan couldn't fight such obvious care for him.

He shivered, curling into the comfort and letting himself believe it. Dan had never felt this kind of security. Phil was making him feel like he had a home, like he had somewhere to call his own and someone who wanted to be there with him. It was too precious to rely on, too wonderful to believe. Dan could feel moisture on his cheeks, and he blinked it away, embarrassed.

Arms were around him and he was pressed to something warm and comforting, so he curled further into the touch. Phil wanted to heal him, so Dan allowed himself to be healed. He hadn't ever imagined he could have this. Dan took care of other people, but he didn't let anyone take care of him. Until now.

 _I'm glad I have you,_ Dan whispered truthfully as he blinked his eyes open and looked up to see Phil staring down at him with hope and trust in his eyes. Weakly, Dan reached for him, gripping onto Phil's robe front and pulling himself closer. _Whatever I thought before, I'm glad you're here now._

Phil's magic was still working over Dan, seeking out hidden aches and pains, trying to soothe the hurts and sores deep inside of his mind, while Phil just focused his attention on Dan, watching the way his brow furrowed and he started to cry a little. It made Phil's bottom lip wobble, but he was smiling slightly when Dan finally opened his eyes and looked up at him. His heart jolted and flipped at Dan’s words, and he chuckled through his own well of emotion, reaching down to wipe Dan's tears away. _Me too,_ Phil murmured, and pulled Dan in ever tighter so he could bury his face in Dan's hair.

Dan smelled wonderful. Phil never wanted to let him go.

When his magic was done, Phil felt it receding back into him, and though he never wanted to leave Dan, he pulled his soul back slowly, carefully, nudging sweetly at Dan until he was fully gone. It left a pang of ache in Phil's chest, but he knew it would go away - he just longed to be with Dan forever.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, biting his bottom lip hopefully. "Did it work?"

Dan shivered, tempted to reach out for Phil as he gently drew away, but he knew he shouldn't do that. The closeness of that bond was kind of...intense, and Dan was the one who always wanted to put space between them. He should let Phil go. They needed to be individual people, no matter how much his heart tugged as Phil drew away.

At Phil's question, Dan blinked and tested himself, stretching his arms out and sitting up a bit. He didn't hurt anymore, all the aches had gone. He was just exhausted. It felt like every last resource of his energy had gone and been used up, and he was left empty, if comfortable. Phil was still holding him, after all.

...Wait. Phil was holding him?

For the first time, Dan became properly aware of his situation. He glanced down at himself in growing horror and realised he was sprawled across Phil's lap, with Phil's face pressed into his hair and Phil's arms tight around him.

Dan was in the arms of someone else. Someone else was holding him. He was being held, by someone else, who wasn't a family member.

Dan was maybe freaking out a bit.

"Um," he tried, wriggling out of Phil's grip as much as he could when his limbs felt like they were full of red. "I'm - fine. Better. Thank you." Dan shook his head, grimacing. He thought he should know better than to freak out on Phil by now. This was Phil. He'd just healed him. Dan should be grateful, but it was just too strange to be held by someone else, completely vulnerable to him.

The second Dan began to struggle against Phil's hold, Phil was releasing him, staring down at Dan with a worried furrow between his brows. Without the shields up that Dan used to have, Phil could still feel some of his emotions through the bond, and while he'd imagined that Dan pulling away might have been because he was hurting, it struck him that it was because Phil had made him uncomfortable. Upset by the very thought of that, Phil almost immediately pulled away himself. The last thing he wanted was for Dan to feel unhappy, after all.

"Sorry," Phil muttered, watching with sad eyes as Dan pulled himself from Phil's lap with the last of his strength before collapsing on the bed next to him. Dan's eyes were closed, his breathing heavy, and it was clear he was still exhausted, though hopefully no longer in pain.

"You're welcome," he said as Dan confirmed as much, biting his lip and looking around himself for anything he might be able to do. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "Or thirsty? I could get you something before you sleep," he offered, wringing his hands a little. He wasn't even sure he would be able to pour Dan a drink, let alone cook something, but he felt like he needed to do _something._

Dan grimaced a bit, sensing through the still-open bond that Phil was confused and upset by his reaction. No doubt Phil had never meant to upset Dan - probably the exact opposite, in fact. This was just...hard, for Dan. His personal space had completely disappeared, and he was supposed to just accept it.

He did accept it. He wanted Phil around, it was just...strange, to have a man he still felt like he barely knew lying in his bed and holding him.

"Don't worry, I don't want you to hurt yourself," Dan answered, and then rolled out of the bed, wincing a bit as his tired limbs stretched. He turned to Phil and managed to summon up a smile. "I'll show you how to make some food, if you like?" Maybe getting to know Phil would help Dan to relax a bit, get him more used to his sudden new life partner, or whatever Phil was exactly supposed to be.

Phil was moping, maybe just a little bit. He couldn't help it though. He just wanted to make Dan happy, and yet everything he did seemed to be the wrong thing. It didn't really help that Phil... well, Phil had desires as well, and one of those was to be able to care for Dan, cuddle and hold him and make him feel safe. Clearly, Phil holding him didn't do that, but it didn't stop Phil from wanting it too. He sighed and tried to put the thought out of his mind, turning back to Dan just in time to see him climbing out of bed.

"Wait, wait, wait," Phil muttered, immediately scrambling to Dan's side and catching his shoulder and one hand in his own, trying to help keep Dan standing upright. "You're tired and sore. You shouldn't be out of bed," he complained, immediately trying to settle Dan back down, but Dan, apparently, wasn't having any of that.

"I can - I can just. It's fine, I'm sure I'll survive until you wake up. I wanted to get something for you, Dan, you need to rest!"

Dan tried to wriggle out of Phil's grip, but he sighed as he understood what Phil was trying to say to him. Dan did feel a bit unsteady, so he reached out to grip onto Phil's arm so he didn't sway in place.

"I know, I know you want to help," Dan reassured in a low, tired voice, glancing at Phil and wincing at the worry and hurt he saw there. "I want you to help, too. I think you're right, though, and I should have some food. But I know you won't know how to do that, so I was going to show you how."

Once he'd explained, Dan felt even more drained, and he sagged against Phil's side. Despite his recent freak out, it was nice to have someone there he could lean on, literally. It was just...strange. Dan was starting to see just how much he wasn't ready for this. But he had no choice, now, and he didn't _regret_ accepting Phil, not at all. This was just...a lot to handle.

It didn't escape Phil's notice just how exhausted Dan actually was, and it made him feel terrible that he didn't just know how to take care of them both. There was only so much he knew how to do as a human though. As Dan sagged further into Phil's side, Phil reaching his arm around his waist to catch him properly, Phil bit his lip. He _did_ know how to do some things. He'd been able to help Dan with his potions as a cat. Surely his magic could help him cook.

"Here. I'll lead you to a chair, you sit down, and you can just... give me verbal instructions. I'm sure I'll be fine. But you're dead on your feet. I can do this, okay?" Phil asked, for the first time having to duck down to look at Dan's face. "Just... come with me," he insisted, and slowly but surely, the two made their eventual way into the kitchen. Phil helped Dan into a chair that he pulled out for him, and scuttled into the lounge for a cushion that he brought back and forced Dan to lay his head against.

Then, he moved to Dan's fridge, and started to rummage around for a bit. "Something simple, okay? That way I can't get it wrong and you can get back in bed as soon as possible."

Dan relaxed back in the chair, unwilling to admit just how right Phil was. He felt exhausted.. He didn't protest as Phil brought him a cushion, leaning against it with a grateful sigh. He didn't have the energy to be angry or upset anymore, he just sagged and enjoyed the time with Phil.

"Something simple, right," Dan agreed, turning his head to watch Phil move towards his counter. He suppressed a shudder at the idea of letting Phil loose in his kitchen, remembering the many times Phil had broken things before, and that was in his cat form where he was comfortable. Who knew what could happen in his human form?

Pulling his thoughts away from constant worrying, Dan said, "Do you remember the soup you helped me make, back when you were a cat? The ingredients are still in the fridge. I can talk you through it, think you can manage?"

Phil actually _did_ remember helping Dan to make a soup, thought most of the time he'd spent wandering his kitchen until Dan had grown far too concerned for Phil's well-being and forced him to sit still on the counter nearby. Still, the reminder made him grin, and Phil nodded enthusiastically as he grabbed some of the vegetables and chicken he remembered Dan getting prepared last time.

"Yes. Just. Tell me if I'm missing anything."

Dan did, coaxing Phil into pulling out a large pot and filling it with a can of chicken broth. They started that simmering before Phil was instructed to go ahead and continue chopping up his vegetables, at which point Phil began to hum, just wanting something soothing for his exhausted witch. He hated knowing that Dan couldn’t just rest while Phil did this alone, but this was as close as they were going to get. Once the vegetables had been added, the chicken was prepared and added, followed later by some noodles for carbs. Phil had to admit, as it simmered on a low heat, the smell of it filling the room, he'd done a pretty good job.

"Twenty minutes, right? Then you can rest," Phil insisted, moving to pull out a chair near Dan. He hesitated in taking Dan's hand, but decided to do it anyway for his own comfort, fingers squeezing around Dan's. "Are you still okay?"

Dan glanced down at their joined hands, instantly tensing. He didn't pull away, he was just debating whether or not this was something he could be okay with. He wasn't used to touching someone else. But this was making Phil happy, and Dan liked making him happy whenever he could.

Besides, holding hands was kind of nice.

Dan squeezed Phil's fingers back and smiled at him, chuckling at the way Phil seemed so worried about his health. "Yes, I promise to rest then. You healed me, though, I'm feeling much better." He leaned back with a sigh, enjoying the smell of the stewing broth. It was one of his favourite meals.

"Hey," Dan perked up a bit, glancing at Phil with renewed interest. "You can eat human food now, right?" Excitement was tinting his tone and Dan's smile grew. This was his favourite meal, a recipe he'd developed over time. It would be nice to share it with someone.

Phil's lips twitched unhappily as Dan stared at their hands pressed together. He nearly pulled away, too, but he really didn't want to, clinging to the familiarity of Dan letting him do so. It hadn't been as much of a problem before, and Phil understood that Dan was probably overwhelmed right now, but he really, really didn't want to stop, so he left his palm loosely in Dan's and just watched his witch.

"You're healed, but you're tired. You used too much energy, Dan," Phil explained quietly, finally looking away so Dan wouldn't see how badly Phil felt. He'd caused nothing but problems so far, and despite how happy he was that Dan had accepted him, he didn't want to cause any more problems.

Phil looked up and over at the soup Dan had had him cooking, and realised with a start that yes, he could eat human food now, and he'd finally get to share an actual meal with Dan. The thought of it made him smile as he turned back to Dan. "Yeah. Yeah, I can," he agreed, and laughed. "I guess it'll be like we're a real family now, huh?" he asked.

Dan's smile wavered just a tiny amount as Phil mentioned them being family. Did he want that? Dan still got a little shock every time he realised he wasn't alone anymore, that someone else slotted into his life. Honestly, he was...confused. This had all happened so suddenly, and now he had a whole other person in his life to care for and make sure was okay. It was overwhelming to say the least.

He could sense hurt from Phil through their bond, though, and knew he must be scaring Phil off. So, quickly, Dan gripped his hand tighter and leaned into Phil, summoning up another smile. "I _am_ tired, but I'd rather be eating with you than sleeping right now." His eyes softened as he looked at Phil. "This meal is my favourite. I hope you like it, too."

It was all a confusing mess. Phil could feel that much. Waves and waves of feelings kept rolling off of Dan, always contradictory and always shying away from what Dan had felt during previous days. It was clear that everything was almost too much for Dan, but it was starting to break Phil's heart a little. He was beginning to wonder if he should have never stuck around at all.

Dan's fingers tightened around his, though, and his smile was gentle and sweet. Phil couldn't help falling a little bit in love with it, melting against the way Dan leaned into him and promised that he'd rather spend time with Phil. There was sincerity there, but it was confused with the mess of worry and tension that Dan was also feeling. Phil shoved it from his mind.

"It smells amazing," he said, changing the subject slightly. "I'm sure it's going to be great. It's going to be my first real taste of human food, but you're all so into cooking, I can't imagine it won't be a wonderful change."

Dan snickered a little at that. "Yeah, I guess to you it must look like we're all into cooking, huh? But I promise it does taste good. I don't know if it'll stand up to your clouds, but it’s good, I promise."

"What do you mean by that?" Phil asked, not understanding Dan's seeming joke. If his feelings at that moment were anything to go by, he found it funny that Phil thought humans all liked to cook.

Dan arched a brow, looking closely at Phil but only finding blank confusion there. Clearly, he didn't understand Dan's humour. Dan couldn't exactly blame him for that - he hadn't had much chance to learn about human culture yet. He didn't even know how to manage stairs. Dan had so much to show him, and strangely, that thought filled Dan with excitement rather than dread.

"It's just funny, because although it must look to you like we love cooking, a lot of us only see it as a chore..." Dan tried to explain, but gave up when Phil still looked blank. He smiled. "It doesn't really matter. You're just...sweet, there's so much for you to learn.”

Plus, having Phil around could be good. It had been fun, cooking with him when he was a cat. It shouldn't suddenly be different just because Phil looked like a human now.

He glanced down again at where their hands were joined, and bit his lip. There was confusion, he knew. He could sense through the bond that Phil wanted to be near him, and was hurt whenever Dan pulled away, but he thought he just needed time. Hopefully. Once he got used to Phil, Dan was sure he'd love it.

Phil thought _maybe_ he might be beginning to understand what Dan meant. Humans _had_ to eat, so maybe that was why they were cooking all the time? Phil didn't react, kind of just staring at Dan because he didn't want to make a fool of himself, and then he followed Dan's line of sight to their clasped hands, feeling badly about it all over again. He squeezed his fingers around Dan's anyway, wanting the comfort of having him there but also the knowledge that he could hold him like this, and felt Dan's confusion and worry wash over both of them.

Phil sighed. He didn't want to be causing Dan so many problems.

Dan squeezed Phil's fingers back, trying to relax. Phil was nice, and funny, and there was really nothing for Dan to be so scared about. Dan stroked his thumb against Phil's palm experimentally, and his smile grew as Phil wriggled happily at that, his warm thoughts swamping through their bond, warming up Dan's own reluctance and paranoia. Phil could be good for him.

Phil’s heart fluttered at the soft touch of Dan's finger rubbing against the skin of his palm. It felt so nice, and Phil felt warm all over, beaming at Dan from a tiny little gesture.

Something soft echoed back at Phil, and he thought, maybe, just maybe, this would be okay. He just needed to give Dan sometime, that was all. Phil could do that. They had all the time in the world, now, and Phil understood that Dan wasn't used to having someone who needed space so much. He wondered if he was secretly like that as well, and he was just riding high on the happiness of being with his witch, finally. Familiars were very, very similar to their witches, after all.

He wouldn't mind so much, if he was. Then he really could be exactly what Dan needed.

Dan glanced up again, studying Phil's face. It was a nice face, after all - a little oddly shaped, a little long, but handsome and kind and gentle, too. And those _eyes_. Dan could drown in those eyes - they told so much, so many stories that Dan couldn't even begin to guess at.

"It's funny," Dan murmured, his lips twitching, "Every time I look at you, I expect to see a cat looking back at me. I keep getting shocked when you have human features."

Phil’s lips twitched at Dan's comment, and he shrugged his shoulders a bit. "To be honest, I'm quite chuffed every time I glance down to see human features instead of feline ones as well. Humans are weird looking," he teased, even as he didn't truly think that. Dan was beautiful. Everything about him was perfect in Phil's eyes, and he wished he could let Dan know that without making him uncomfortable again, but he couldn't risk it now when things just seemed to be going a little bit more normal for both of them.

"Hey," Dan nudged Phil, frowning playfully, "We are not funny looking, thank you very much. Our hands are very useful, I'll have you know." He gave Phil's fingers another squeeze at that. "Better than your paws, I'd bet. You can do so much more."

"Paws are amazing. Walking on four feet is far more useful than two. I feel more useful in that form," Phil teased, but even he wasn't entirely sure he felt that way anymore. He'd gotten quite accustomed to two feet, and he could see how hands would be a lot more useful than paws. He missed his paws though. "I have cute paws," he muttered, looking at his hands forlornly.

Dan sputtered. He glanced down, not exactly sure how to respond to that. After all, Phil's paws _had_ been very cute. Was it weird to say that? Phil probably wouldn't find it weird, and it was just the two of them. It shouldn't be weird, right?

Determinedly, Dan shoved all over thinking out of his head and instead grinned, grabbing Phil's other hand and bringing them both up onto the table. "True, your paws were cute, but I happen to like your hands, too. Look." Dan spread his own hands out above Phil's engulfing them completely, and smiled. "Your fingers are so long. You'll be much better than me at delicate work."

He glanced up at Phil again, managing another shy smile. He thought he could manage this, could like learning all about Phil, as long as it wasn't too much too soon. He played with Phil's fingers idly, relaxing at the familiar scent of his favourite soup. "It'll be fun, teaching you potion making. You'll be good at all the fine stuff, I can tell."

So maybe Phil had been fishing for compliments; sue him. His heart fluttered and he felt himself brighten immediately, laughing at the way Dan drew both of his hands to the top of the table just to show off the way his own hands made Phil's disappear in an instant. He didn't mind it. In fact, he loved the warmth of Dan's hands covering his. Dan was always so warm. He was perfect. Phil just wanted to melt right into him. He stared up at Dan with the utmost trusting eyes, and just smiled.

"Is it bad to do potions with your magic instead?" Phil asked, while they were on the subject, wiggling his fingers under Dan's to check out how long they really were. They did seem pretty useful, now that Phil was really considering it. "You always chop up your ingredients by hand, and I always wondered why you don't just use spells," he said. "Does the magic interfere, or?"

Now that Phil thought about it, it could also just be that magic was a little less predictable. They might not get the right cut or things could be uneven. It was a lot more precise to do things by hand, by your own measurement, but he waited patiently for a reply from Dan anyway.

Dan smiled, sitting up a bit at Phil's question. He liked having someone take interest in his methods, someone who questioned him and wanted to learn. Having someone to discuss his work with would be great, actually, seeing as anyone other than PJ glazed over when Dan started to talk about his recipes or his breakthroughs. They just wanted his cures.

"I do use magic occasionally," Dan answered, "But it's not so useful in precise potion making. Some of the ingredients have to be handled with real care, and magic just isn't predictable enough - remember the dragonplant?" Dan teased a bit, recalling how Phil hadn't understood why the dragonplant wilted without its container.

Never mind the giant crop of it he had growing now thanks to Phil.

"Magic can be useful, though," Dan went on to explain. "I use it for starting the fire, or mixing up the ingredients, or starting a chemical reaction. Anything that takes more power. Also...I'm a bit lazy," Dan admitted with a small grin. "So magic cuts a lot of corners. I have to be careful, though. It's easy to injure myself, or accidentally make something poisonous, if I'm not precise enough."

So Phil was right then. He felt kind of proud of himself for having figured it out himself, finally starting to believe that he really could be useful to Dan. Phil had already known he was a fast learner, but the last time he tried to help Dan figure out a formula for a new potion, he'd literally destroyed the room, and he'd feared that despite his ability to learn, he'd never understand enough not to get excited every time he managed a miraculous breakthrough.

It did upset him a little bit to hear that Dan could hurt himself using his magic to cut corners, though, and promised himself to always protect him.

"That's what I thought," Phil said warmly, finally sliding his hands out from under Dan's and heading back to the stove. He nearly tripped over his own two feet, but managed to catch himself just in time, checking in on the soup and smiling when it appeared the way Dan said it would. Without the lid on, the smell wafted around Phil's face until his toes were curling with how amazing it smelt.

"Oh my God," he murmured, and inhaled deeply with his eyes closed. It smelt _amazing_.

Dan smiled, warmed with pride when Phil had already guessed at the right answer. Phil was quick to understand and quick to learn, Dan had seen that before when he picked up on fixing the dragonplant so quickly. He seemed to know how magic worked better than Dan did, too, at least in some ways. Dan was excited to see what they could make together.

He grinned when Phil leaned over the soup, breathing it in and murmuring happily. That was cute. Seeing Phil so excited and pleased about experiencing human things for the first time warmed Dan's heart, and okay - yeah, he had affection for Phil. He liked seeing Phil discovering so much.

After that, Phil was quick to start spooning out two bowls, sending the rest into a tupperware to store in the fridge. He brought Dan back his bowl first, leaving to get him a glass of water, and when he finally settled in with his own bowl and drink, found that Dan hadn't started to eat yet.

"Eat. You need your strength," Phil insisted, bewildered.

"I was waiting for you," Dan explained as Phil settled down food for both of them, joining Dan at the table. "It's a sign of politeness. And affection, you know? Waiting for someone to start eating with them means you want to share an experience. It's an ancient tradition - to break bread with someone is a sign of trust."

With a smile, Dan scooped up a spoonful of soup and kept his eyes trained on Phil. "Besides, I want to see your face the first time you taste this. It's good."

Really, Dan needed to stop saying things like that. It was making Phil's heart flutter uncontrollably. He wanted Dan to trust him _so bad_. He wanted Dan's affection more than he'd ever wanted anything else in the world, and the possibility of getting it was almost too much for him to handle. He could feel his magic prickling under his finger tips with happy energy, but he was still far too weak and in far too much pain to really use it, and so he found it wasn't able to shoot off out of control.

His cheeks hurt from grinning so much. That was a new sensation. Cats didn't really grin the way humans did, and so Phil was unused to the sensation tugging so much at his muscles. He couldn't find it in himself to stop, though, and watched as Dan met his gaze as he drew a spoonful of broth to his lips. Watching him carefully, Phil noticed that Dan blew on it first before sipping it, and then dived back into his bowl for some of the noodles and vegetables. Confident he wouldn't make a fool out of himself, Phil lifted his own spoon to his lips with just the broth, and blew on it.

It was hot enough that there was steam, but Dan hadn't waited that long before sipping at his own broth, so Phil knew he was meant to eat it when it was still at least warm. After blowing against it one last time, Phil pressed the spoon against his lips, and sipped.

The taste burst across his tongue, richer than anything Phil had ever had before. There was so much flavour, so many nuances he could never pick apart, and his eyes went wide as he stared at the seemingly innocent bowl. Phil never would have guessed there was _that_ much flavor in the small bowl.

"It's amazing," Phil breathed in awe, digging back in for some of the chicken, and stuffing that in his mouth excitedly. That was just as amazing, juicy and wonderful in his mouth. Every time he chewed, another burst of flavor erupted across his tongue until he was swallowing and diving for more, suddenly desperate to try every single morsel he'd stuck in here for Dan. The broth warmed him to his soul every time he took a mouthful, and he felt hot all over but it was in a good way.

Dan watched with delight as Phil devoured the soup, clearly enjoying every mouthful if the grin on his face and the glint in his eyes was anything to go by. Dan was thrilled. The soup was disappearing quickly as Phil all but gulped it down.

"Told you it was good," Dan said smugly as he took his own bite. The soup warmed him right through his body, soothing the remaining aches and exhaustion he was still carrying from his attempt to heal Phil. They were both battered, stuck with scrapes and bruises enough between them. Hopefully they'd rest well tonight.

Dan froze again at that thought. His apartment only had one bed, and though he'd clearly shared with Phil the previous night, that felt far too...intimate.

But he didn't have to worry about that yet.

Dan shook himself out of his troublesome thoughts and instead focused back on the meal, smiling at Phil again. "I'm glad you like this. We can try other foods too, chicken just happens to be my favourite."

The food that familiars ate couldn't even began to compare with what humans had, and Phil suddenly felt incredibly lucky that he was getting the chance to try all of these things. It hit him again, then, that he really did have all of the time in the world with Dan now that Dan had accepted him, and he let out a giddy laugh at the thought of it, practically vibrating in his seat.

There was a brief flash of fear from Dan that Phil chose to ignore, and then everything was back to normal again, with both men just enjoying their meals. Phil finished his far too fast, and far sooner than Dan, but he was full, and surprisingly so. He liked the way his stomach felt now, though. He hadn't realised how hungry he'd been before, and while the clouds familiars ate always made him feel full, it was never quite in this wonderful way that the soup had done for him.

"I want to try everything you like," Phil insisted happily, getting up to clear away his dishes and clean the pot that was still on the stove. That was easy enough, as Phil now had control over his limbs for the most part, and it wasn't difficult to figure out how to mimic what he'd seen Dan doing when he cleaned up at night. Learning how to control his body on two feet, however, was not an easy task, and he was still hoping Dan would teach him how to navigate the stairs soon enough.

"We can do that," Dan agreed, and meant it. He'd have fun, introducing Phil to all his favourite meals and showing him the things that delighted Dan. In a way, he could imagine it being nice to share those things with someone else. In particular, Dan had liked the way Phil's eyes lit up when he tried the soup, and the natural curiosity he seemed to be infused with. It was...cute, for want of a better word.

Watching Phil patter about his kitchen had Dan trying to stand in worry, his stomach tightening at all the potential accidents just waiting to happen. Phil actually seemed to have pretty good control over himself, though, so Dan reluctantly sank back into his seat. Never mind he still felt battered and exhausted, and might very well fall over if he tried standing up right now.

"If you like, tomorrow, we can work on some potions again," Dan commented through a yawn. He hesitated. "That is - you won't destroy my office again, will you? I'm still clearing up from...before." Dan trailed off, wincing at his insensitivity. Should he be bringing up the incident that had led to him almost rejecting Phil? They would need to address it at some point, wouldn't they?

Phil's cheek were really going to split open with how much he was smiling. It was completely out of his control, there was nothing that could be done to stop it. He didn't even mind. His heart was swollen with affection and happiness, and it was all that he'd ever wanted in the world to share... something, with his witch. Anything. Everything. Whatever Dan could give. Phil would take it all, and be happy with it. So getting to try all of Dan's favorite foods, coming to understand him better.. that made Phil feel like he was lighting up from the inside.

Dan bringing his office up wasn't even enough to bring Phil's mood down, and instead, he brightened further. "I can fix it!" he declared, spinning as he finished up the dishes. "I was able to fix the rest of the messes I made, I'm sure if we tried together I could fix your office as well," he insisted, vibrating in place with the mere thought of it. His own exhaustion felt cured, and he felt cleansed of all the choppy remains of the painful amount of magic he'd used before.

"I really want to help you with your work, though. I could be your assistant. I know you don't have one when it comes to making medicine. I want - I want to be that for you," he insisted, and then frowned as he realised just how exhausted Dan was. "But you should get to bed now. Let me help you to bed. We can talk about it in the morning."

Dan smiled, affection flooding through him again when Phil sounded so keen to help him tidy up the mess of his office. Dan bit his lip at the thought. He hadn't been back to the office since he'd run out to try and save Phil, but he'd left it in a bit of a...state. He'd cleared out all of the furniture in a fit of rage, not wanting anything of the ruins left behind, and no memory of the then-unwanted familiar, too. He could distinctly remember the disapproving cry of PJ's raven when Dan had chucked out his desk, but he'd deemed it necessary at the time.

Sadly, it also meant there was really very little to salvage. Still, with Phil by his side again, Dan was sure they'd be able to conjure up something new between them. He'd realised that their respective magic seemed strongest when they used it together - Dan controlling Phil's outbursts, Phil's imagination strengthening Dan's limits. A team, they could be.

Dan realised again just how exhausted he was when Phil brought up bringing him to bed. He yawned, nodding in agreement, but then paused when he was struck with a thought again.

If Dan went to sleep in his bed, where would Phil stay?

Not that Phil seemed all that tired right now, but still, Dan's stomach tightened at the thought of him coming to sleep in Dan's bed with him again. He was positive that Phil wouldn't mean anything by it, but still, Dan couldn't help but flinch at the idea of such close contact.

"No!" he announced loudly in answer to Phil. "I mean - yes, I'm tired, but I don't need to go to bed. I can sleep on the couch. You'll need to take the bed, after all, when it's time for you to sleep." He glanced away, deliberately avoiding Phil's gaze as he instead stared stubbornly at the scratched wooden table top.

It kind of felt like a slap to the face in a strange way; Dan's voice was so loud and scared, passionate in his desire not to sleep in his own bed. Phil didn't understand. It was Dan's bed, why might that be a problem? He should want to be comfortable, and Phil was worried as to why he might not want that... and then Dan continued speaking, and it occurred to Phil what the issue was.

Dan didn't want to sleep with him. Dan was afraid that when Phil got tired later, he'd crawl into bed next time - which, admittedly, he wanted to do - without bothering to ask for permission, and sleep with Dan through the night. The realisation that Dan wasn't comfortable with that kind of stung, and Phil could feel himself wilting, but he also understood. He'd already known how uncomfortable Dan was with those kinds of things, and now, with what Dan had shown him, Phil even understood the awkward connotations that would come with him sleeping there.

Smiling sadly, Phil shook his head. "Dan. I'm not going to invade your privacy if you don't want that. I thought I'd shown you that," he said, sounding sad. "You take the bed. It's yours. The sofa is plenty comfortable with me. I enjoyed it as a cat, there's no reason I wouldn’t enjoy it in this form. Besides, I'm sure eventually I'll be able to switch back, and then I don't care where I sleep. The only problem now is my awkward form," he continued, wanting to soothe Dan but not entirely sure how to go about it. He just hoped Dan couldn't feel that Phil was... slightly upset about the whole thing.

The last thing Phil wanted to do was pressure Dan.

Dan admitted to being largely relieved when Phil assured him that he wasn't going to force intimacy on Dan. With that relief, though, was a helpful side of guilt. Dan knew, could sense through the bond and just from what he'd seen of Phil so far, that Phil was eager to have a close relationship with him. Dan just...couldn't jump straight into something like that.

It was endlessly frustrating, because Dan had caught glimpses of just how wonderful it could be - he'd enjoyed waking in Phil's arms, enjoyed having Phil in his bed when he was a cat. It was just difficult to translate that into when he was human. Dan had too many worries about what being intimate with another human person could be like.

He just hoped Phil would understand, and not be too disappointed.

Dan gave a weak smile. "I know you wouldn't force it, don't get me wrong. I was just trying to say - you're the guest, you should have the bed. I'm very acquainted with sleeping on my couch." It was true - one too many late nights working had often ended with him flopping straight onto the cushions rather than properly going to bed.

"After all, you need to look after that clumsy body of yours," Dan teased lightly. "It'll be better if you aren't achy or sleepy when we make potions tomorrow. We can get you used to being human before you figure out how to switch between forms. I like you now, but I kind of miss your fur. And the purring."

Phil didn't like the idea of taking Dan's bed from him. He stared at Dan with a small frown on his face and considered what he was saying, but no matter Dan's excuses for why Phil should take the bed, Phil merely just didn't want to. He didn't feel comfortable there without Dan, not really, and he didn't feel comfortable exiling Dan to his own couch. Phil didn't care if Dan thought he would be achy tomorrow, he wasn't going to take the bed, and so he crossed his arms over his chest petulantly and leaned backwards against the sink.

"No," he stated simply, glaring at Dan who looked surprised by Phil's confident word. "I'll take the couch. It's your bed," he insisted, shaking his head as Dan went to open his mouth and interrupt him. "I won't be comfortable there without you, and you won't be comfortable there with me. So I'll take the couch. You're still recovering from earlier; I don't want you waking up sore the way you always do when you sleep there."

Phil felt a little bad for blurting out that last bit, aware that it seemed like Phil was invading Dan's mental space, but Dan was thinking it too and his thoughts were so _loud_ sometimes that Phil couldn’t stay out. He grimaced, hoping Dan would understand, but didn't relax his posture.

Of course, his lips twitched at Dan missing Phil's cat form, and he wanted to switch back right then and there if it would make him more comfortable, but he couldn't, and so he just continued to stare at his witch. "Take the bed," he insisted when it seemed Dan wasn't going to back down either. "Regardless of how clumsy I am, a bed isn't going to help."

Dan tried to adopt a stern frown and glare at Phil, but it was difficult when Phil was apparently just as stubborn as him. He really didn't want to fight, but he was also determined not to let Phil take the couch.

Unfortunately, Phil had no intention of taking the bed.

" _Fine_ ," Dan huffed eventually, after a long and stubborn staring contest. "In the interest of reaching a conclusion before I just fall asleep here, I will take the bed. But this is not a permanent arrangement. And this argument is not over." He leaned back and crossed his arms, acting haughty and sniffy. So he didn't do well if he lost an argument. Phil was, apparently, far too similar to him when it came to being stubborn.

He tilted his head, softening a little as he regarded Phil with interest. "Also. Just how often did you watch me sleep on the couch?" His lips twitched a bit - he wasn't creeped out anymore, it kind of felt like having a guardian watching over him. Dan could get used to that. "Besides," he sniffed, "I hardly ever whined about the sofa, and you know it." It was a lie, but Dan was quite happy in denial about how often he whined and moaned about stuff, thank you very much.

Phil immediately brightened up as Dan agreed to take the sofa, allowing Phil to have his way. He pushed himself off of the kitchen counter in order to make his way over to Dan's side, fully intending to help Dan to bed, but Dan's words distracted him. He stopped and thought for a moment, one hand bracing himself on the table, and the other placed delicately on Dan's back.

"Uhm. I mean. There wasn't a lot of time I knew about you before I came and caused our bond, but afterwards, I watched you all the time. If I wasn't trying to get your attention, or if you'd shooed me away, I was watching you from my world. I feel like it was a couple of weeks human time, but it felt much longer for me. You used to fall asleep on the sofa a lot, and you always looked so sore," Phil explained, thinking back on those days. The reality was that they weren't that long ago, but it felt like so much had changed it _had_ to have been ages ago.

"No, you don't whine much, that's true, but your thoughts are loud," Phil continued to explain, wincing a bit. "I can hear how much you hate sleeping on the sofa. It hurts you a lot. You’re too tall," he added, and then shook his head. "But it's fine. I won't mind it. Let's get you to bed. I need you to be better."

Dan grimaced, tempted to fight some more, but he figured there was no use arguing anymore because Phil was probably capable of just manhandling him into the bed in his current state, and that would be far too embarrassing. So Dan reluctantly leaned into where Phil had stayed with his hand on Dan's back, and got shakily to his feet, leaning heavily into Phil's side.

"Yes, well, I'm not the only one with loud thoughts," Dan muttered with a small smile. It felt nice, to poke slight fun at each other. He leaned against Phil as they started to move slowly through Dan's living room and through the door into the bedroom, where the sheets were still ruffled from the night before. Dan was aching heavily, mostly just exhausted as Phil's magic had done its job of healing him pretty well. He flopped into the bed and smiled hesitantly up at Phil.

"I can hear that you're a bit sad," he offered up quietly, "And that's okay. We can work on it. I do...I do want you to be a big part of my life. We just - can we take this slowly?" He pleaded softly, glancing straight into Phil's intense eyes. "Will it hurt you, if we take it slowly?"

Phil was careful as he led Dan into his room, proud of himself for being able to support Dan's weight and get him all the way through the living room despite their slow going. It was obvious that more of Dan hurt than he wanted to admit too, but Phil didn't mind. He would take care of Dan. He wanted nothing more than to do so. His heart still buzzed with the feeling of having shared in such powerful magic, of being taken care of by someone else, of being _loved_ whether Dan seemed to want to think of it that way or not. Phil was just happy, and he helped Dan into bed with something soft in his heart.

He glanced up at Dan's words, though, soft and hesitant and unsure. The fear that Dan would cause Phil pain was there, evident and clear.

"It won't hurt me," Phil murmured, shaking his head with sad eyes. "Please don't worry about that. You've accepted me, now. Nothing bad will happen to me."

But even as Phil said that, through the bond he could hear that Dan hadn't meant it like that completely. He didn't want to lose Phil, no, didn't want to risk causing him the immense pain from his magic that he'd caused before, but he also didn't want to hurt Phil himself; feelings and all. The thought warmed him, that Dan would care about him that deeply, and he found himself smiling before he could even explain it.

"We can take it slow. If I know, as I do right now, that it's not a rejection, than I can wait until you’re ready for the things I want." By that, Phil hoped Dan knew he meant the cuddles and the closeness

Dan relaxed, a wider smile spreading across his face as he understood Phil's meaning. The bond was proving to be invaluable in preventing further misunderstandings. Where Dan once would have freaked out about what exactly Phil wanted from him, instead he could sense that Phil only meant the softest, most innocent of things - cuddles, warmth, being close to each other, sharing things. Dan thought he wanted that, too. He thought he could work through to that, once he got used to having another person in his life.

"It will never be a rejection," Dan promised him quietly. "Never. I accept you, Phil, I'll always want you around. It's just...new. And a little bit scary," he admitted, and glanced away quickly. Being vulnerable was something he'd have to get used to, but he was keen to try. So far, Phil had only really brought wonderful things to Dan's life, once he understood his clumsiness.

Dan curled up softly, feeling his eyes starting to close. "Treat...my house...mrr." He gave up on using his mouth, too tired to make it work properly, and instead pressed thoughts into their bond instead, hoping it wasn't crossing a line. _Treat my house as your own. Help yourself to anything and everything, and please be comfortable. You've seen enough from me to know where everything is, I hope._

It helped so much to have Dan's verbal reassurances, reminding Phil that this was just new to Dan and that it wasn't Dan not wanting those things as well. Phil could understand that. He was far too aware of just how new all of this was to Dan. Phil could hardly blame him for not knowing how to co-exist with another human being, and if the small glimpses he'd had were right, Dan didn't know what it was to be with someone else even as close friends let alone a romantic partner. Phil didn't know if that was something they'd want one day, but he understood that a lot of what Phil wanted had those implications to Dan of romance and a partnership he merely wasn't ready for. Phil could give him time, and he'd be happy with each moment that Dan allowed him to have.

It made him laugh when Dan showed that he was too tired to continue speaking, finally succumbing to sleep after reassuring Phil that his home was Phil's home now too, and that he could do and have anything he wanted. Phil smiled down at his sleeping form, all curled up on top of his sheets, and dragged a blanket over Dan's prone form. He was dreaming now, Phil could feel it at the back of his mind, and he enjoyed the lulling feeling it was giving to him as well.

It had been a long day, but Phil wasn't tired, and he wandered back into Dan's lounge to begin looking through his books.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just a quick note at the top of this chapter; it looks like we’ve been nominated for a phanfiction award! A Familiar Kind of Love has been nominated for Best Collab, and it would be pretty amazing if you wanted to vote for us to win. 
> 
> You can vote here:https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSedpjWYVpj_esfgmbL7-22Wlt6ynpNo4YrhbIxqHpM3K5hORw/viewform 
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A knock at the door woke him. Phil groaned as his eyes fluttered open, and he realised belatedly that he'd fallen asleep on top of Dan's books. He'd been trying to do research and study, trying to understand Dan's world as best as he could, but there weren't many books that Dan owned that would explain to him what it was like being human, so he'd done his best with what he'd had. There were a lot of fun stories, though, that Phil had never heard of before but that he wanted to sink his teeth into now, and he'd fallen asleep reading one such novel. 

Standing a little shakily on legs he still wasn't entirely comfortable with, Phil wandered over to Dan's door, checking the time to find it was nearly eight pm. He must have slept a long time, then. He'd been reading around three, last he recalled. 

The knock came again, and Phil bit his lip, hesitating as he finally made it to Dan's front door. Was it safe for him to answer? He didn't want to wake Dan, though.

"Dan?" a voice called. "It's Peej. I just wanted to check you were okay?" the hesitant voice clicked in Phil's mind, then, and he was quick to open the door after that, smiling at the surprised man stood in front of him. 

"Sorry,” Peej said, eyes wide. “It's just - weird to see a familiar in human form so openly," he explained. "Not to mention I've hardly gotten the chance to really meet you," he explained. "How's Dan?"

"I got him to sleep," Phil explained, ushering Peej in under the assumption that Dan wouldn't mind. "He's resting now. I think he'll be okay."

Not wanting to be a terrible host, Phil ushered PJ into the lounge and offered him a seat on the sofa, standing awkwardly in front of him for a moment before offering him a cup of tea - something he remembered Dan usually did when he had guests over. He bit his lip immediately after, however, as he had no clue how to make tea, and PJ seemed to notice this, chuckling and shaking his head. 

"I'm fine, Phil. You're still quite new to our world, aren't you?" he asked. Phil smiled sheepishly but nodded, finally moving to sit down next to PJ. 

"Yeah. I mean, it's been an interesting ride getting to this point," he agreed, tucking himself in with his knees to his chest at the far end of the sofa. He was still wearing nothing but Dan's bathrobe, and felt a little uncomfortable in it around PJ. He hadn't felt quite so shy with Dan. 

\---

When Dan next stirred, it was with limbs stiff from lying still, but with a much clearer mind. He felt like he could think properly for the first time in days. He felt much more like himself. Lazy as he was, Dan stretched out in bed and stayed there for a while, flipping through a book he'd left by his bedside. The bond was humming along happily enough, so Phil was still fine. Dan kept his distance for now - they'd interact plenty later, when Dan bothered to get out of bed. He dozed again, lightly, and drifted in and out of sleep.

Until there was a knock at the door.

Dan jolted awake, blinking. He could hear voices from the hall, and he was tempted to just flop over and shove his face in his pillow and let Phil handle it. From the bond, though, he could tell that it was PJ who'd arrived. He probably had a bunch of questions still, like when Dan was planning to open the shop again.

Dan groaned into his pillows. He'd been enjoying his lazy day, but he supposed PJ deserved an explanation. Slowly, he gathered himself out of bed and slipped on a change of clothes, making his way to the door where he could still hear PJ and Phil talking.

 

...On second thought, could Phil handle this alone? Dan probably shouldn't force him to yet, though. Still, there was no harm in asking.

_ Can you see what he wants? _ Dan asked through their bond when he sensed a lull in conversation, not wanting to distract Phil when he was talking.

\---

There was a lull in conversation as Phil and PJ just kind of looked at each other, and then Phil felt Dan's voice pressing against his mind and he smiled to himself, giddy that Dan felt comfortable enough to do that. 

_ I can do that _ , he murmured back softly.

"Uhm, so. Is there anything specific you needed? I'd rather not wake Dan, if that's okay," Phil questioned, opening up his mind to Dan so his witch could see what Phil was seeing, hear what Phil was hearing, if he wanted that. 

PJ smiled, and shook his head. "No, I understand. Let him rest. I can't imagine what he's going through, how much his mind needs to heal. Mara told me that it took a strong witch to heal their familiar the way Dan did for you, and that the damage would be extensive if he'd worked so long he'd passed out before he could finish. How are you doing, Phil?"

Phil smiled, fond of Dan and his witch's abilities. He already knew his witch was incredibly strong. "I'm fine now, thank you."

Nodding, PJ moved on. "Anyway, I was just coming to check he was okay. And... well... to apologise for my behaviour earlier again. I was out of line. Do you think you could pass that message along to him?"

Dan felt a warm throb of emotion for PJ at his words, that he could hear through the widened bond with Phil. It was an odd new trick, seeing through Phil's eyes in his mind's eye. It took Dan a while to adjust, and he had to close his actual eyes to see it without getting dizzy, but it allowed him to check up on PJ without having to go outside.

PJ was a good friend. And there Dan had been, not thinking he really had anyone to rely on. Now he had Phil and PJ both checking up on him, and it was a new feeling, but...oddly, not an unpleasant one.

_ Tell him he's completely forgiven, _ Dan sent through the bond, accompanied by a warm fuzzy smile. _ I'll open up shop again tomorrow and see him then. And...thank you, Phil.  _ He accompanied the thought with more warm, fuzzy emotions. Dan was feeling a bit sentimental just then, now he had two whole friends to his name and was actually enjoying it.

The feelings Dan was pressing into Phil, filling him up with, made Phil smile, lips curling without his permission as he stared at PJ, who looked bewildered for all of a few seconds before his expression softened, seeming to understand exactly what Phil was experiencing just then. 

"You're an open book," he murmured. "But I guess it comes with being human for the first time. Mara struggles with her expressions too," PJ teased lightly, making Phil flush. "You're talking to Dan, aren't you?" 

Phil nodded easily enough. There was no reason to hide it, after all, but he was still slightly embarrassed that he'd been called out for being so open with his feelings and expressions. Maybe that wasn't normal, but Phil wasn't sure he'd ever be able to school them - in human form or cat form. He just wasn't that person.

"Dan says you're completely forgiven, and that he'll open the store tomorrow, so he'll see you then," Phil reiterated, still soaking in Dan's thankfulness for him. 

"Alright," PJ agreed, smiling. "I guess that's everything then. I'll just get out of your hair," he declared, standing and making his way back to Dan's front door. Phil scrambled off of the sofa to follow him, feeling like he was meant to see PJ off properly, and only stopped when PJ turned around abruptly. 

"Mara says she knows you?" he asked, and Phil nodded, grinning again. 

"We were friends, in our world. I was so happy for her when she found you," Phil said. 

PJ smiled. "Me too. You'll be good for Dan, you know. When I thought he had a familiar... well, let me just say, I think he needs you."

The thought of that warmed Phil to the very core, and he felt himself light up with this man's blessing for him and his reassurance that Phil would be good for Dan. He waved PJ away as the other male took off, and sighed as he closed the door, turning his back to it and slipping down the wood until he was sat on the floor. 

He could feel that Dan was still there, that he was still watching and feeling what Phil was feeling, but Phil didn't care as he felt that overwhelming swell of happiness and hope fill him. 

A lightbulb flickered and burst, plunging the lounge into darkness.

"Sorry!" Phil cried, and did his best to get himself under control as he stared up at the broken shards and tried to figure out how to fix it.

\---

Dan's brow creased in thought as he listened to PJ say he thought Phil would be good for him. Was he that obviously lonely? He supposed he'd always been solitary...

Or was it more than that? Was PJ saying that Phil could help Dan with his magic, keep him strong? That had certainly seemed to be true so far. Their magic was so much stronger together. Dan was excited about what new potions he could make with Phil's help.

As Dan was momentarily lost in thought, he missed the happy burst of Phil's magic that broke the lightbulb until he heard Phil's cry. He jumped so hard he crashed right into the door. Instantly, Dan tugged his robe around himself and scurried out of his room towards the door, where he saw Phil cowering under a broken light bulb and looking a bit guilty.

Dan shook his head, trying to be disappointed, but it was hard when he knew now this just happened because Phil was so happy he literally couldn't control it. That was kind of adorable. Dan leaned against the wall and gave a lazy flick of his fingers, feeling the burst of his healed magic as he repaired the bulb with one casual movement.

"It's fine," he reassured, "Easily done. Thanks for handling PJ. I just...didn't want to deal with other people yet."

Breaking things was quite obviously easier than fixing them, and Phil was left cowering a bit under the light bulb he'd destroyed by accident, trying to control his automatic reaction of fear. He didn't want that to get out of hand again after all, and Dan didn't seem angry with him. In fact, now that Phil had explained to Dan why his magic behaved like that, he didn't seem to mind. 

Dan appeared in front of him seemingly very quickly, looking a little frazzled and unkempt in his robe as he fixed the light bulb for Phil, though his expression still appeared soft and happy. That made Phil feel lighter as well, and he grinned as Dan thanked him for taking care of things the way he had.

"No trouble," Phil said, and stood up now that he felt a little bit more in control, though he was still buzzing with that giddy, happy feeling. "I like him. He's nice," Phil added, humming a little. "How are you feeling? Did you sleep well? It's getting late. I think we've ruined your sleeping schedule," Phil said, glancing at the clock to find it was pushing 8:30 now. 

"I like PJ too," Dan admitted softly. "I'm glad you like him. We'll be working with him quite a bit." He leaned against the wall and just considered Phil for a moment, thinking. It already felt like Phil had inserted himself into Dan's life, and Dan was...kind of liking him there.

"I'm feeling good," Dan answered with a smile and a stretch. "Much better after a sleep. And don't worry about my sleeping pattern, it was never very fixed to begin with." He tilted his head at Phil. "Did you sleep at all? Have you rested?"

Knowing that Phil would get to work with PJ in the future was exciting, but it also put Phil out a bit, because he was a little bit afraid of the other man. Phil wasn't one to hold grudges, but PJ's words had stung that morning, and while he forgave him, he was still a little anxious about him. He hoped Dan wouldn't leave them alone together for a while, though Phil did want to make more friends. He'd always been a social familiar, even at home. 

He blushed as Dan asked if he'd slept any, and nodded slowly. "I might have taken a nap? I fell asleep reading and doing research," he explained, smiling as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He'd never really done something like that before, and he got the feeling Dan had been hoping he'd slept for more than a few hours.. 

Dan arched a brow. Phil had been reading and doing research? That took him by surprise. He wasn't entirely sure why it should, though - Phil was clearly someone who had a great deal of natural curiosity. Dan pictured him curled up on his desk with a book open in front of him, head down, snoozing. It was an oddly nice thought. 

"Did you find anything interesting?" Dan asked as he went into the lounge and took a seat, patting for Phil to come and sit next to him. "I have more books downstairs if you want to read anything different."

This was pleasant. Dan could see why this aspect of having someone about was good, because if Phil liked reading then that was another thing they had in common, and Dan hadn't ever had anyone he could really talk to about his interests. This was new, and the old fear that made Dan just want to retreat back to his solitude was fading.

Maybe PJ was right, and Phil could be good for him after all.

Oh, boy. Dan shouldn't have asked if Phil had found anything interesting, as the minute the words were out of his mouth and he began heading towards the sofa in the lounge, Phil was prancing after him with a huge grin on his face. "Yes!" he declared happily, heart soaring as Dan offered him a seat by him. "There are all these stories. I was trying to find information that might be explain humans to me, but I had a feeling there wouldn't be much since you'd never really believed in familiars before, and instead I ended up finding your shelf of made up stories and I'm reading this one where-" 

As Phil spoke, he could see Dan's face softening, could see his fingers twitching like he wanted to reach out and stroke over Phil's non-existent fur. His expression was fond and affectionate, making Phil's heart beat quicker as he spoke on, beyond excited about the novels he'd read. He wanted to read more, and he told Dan as much, but also begged him to let Phil see his other library so he could continue his research on matters that were actually important. 

"Maybe - maybe we could go to a library? And you can help me to find some stuff about humans? I'd just - I'd just ask Mara but asking another familiar is always bound to be... skewed towards their own witch," Phil explained hopefully, wishing he could be in cat form so he could curl up in Dan's lap without making Dan uncomfortable the way he'd apparently done the other night when he'd fallen asleep there. 

Dan found himself grinning when Phil started explaining his discovery of Dan's fiction novels. Dan was a bit of a nerd, maybe, and he'd built up quite a selection of fantasy and sci-fi and fairytale stories in his collection. Having Phil talk about them with such excitement made Dan sit up too, remembering his favourite stories in Phil's excited chattering.

"You've got good taste," Dan grinned. "I've got loads more I can give you - my favourite series is in my room, we can get you started on that if you like." 

"I like the sound of the library," Dan agreed with a warm smile. "Haven't been there in ages, actually." He'd been going quite regularly for a while, until he ran into someone who liked chatting at him for too long, and then he'd avoided it. She was the owner of the dog up the road, though, so Dan wanted to stay on relatively good terms with her. She was one of the library receptionists, but they could probably manage to avoid her when they went.

"We'll get you learning about humans," Dan agreed, quite liking the idea of Phil not having to go to Mara. He'd never liked that raven. "Don't worry. I can do that instead." He tried not to let his tone get too dark, and instead leaned into Phil's side a little, propping his feet up onto the sofa behind him. "I can answer any questions you've got, too."

Phil was practically vibrating in excitement at the chance to read more stories, but especially one that Dan in particular loved. He almost wanted to get up right then and there and just get the series himself to start reading it now, but then he remembered the book on the far table that he'd been in the middle of, and how badly he wanted to finish that first. He needed to know the ending before he could just up and leave for another story instead. 

He was happy that Dan liked his library idea as well, though, and grinned as Dan reassured him that Phil could ask him questions while simultaneously leaning into Phil's side until his head was pillowed on Phil's shoulder. That closeness was all that Phil would ever want.

He reached out with hesitant fingers to thread his through Dan's, happy when Dan merely squeezed back. 

"Well, I could ask you, but then the questions might never end," he teased, "So I thought the library would be a better option. Besides... I can sense that some things you'd rather not talk about," he admitted shyly. "And I'd rather not talk to anyone  _ but _ you about." Phil didn't elaborate, instead closing his eyes and sighing happily. "I'd love to see a library though. And I'd love to read your favourite books." He didn't say it, but Phil wanted to know everything about Dan, wanted to share all of him. 

Dan shifted a little, leaning his head against the soft cavity between Phil's shoulder and neck. That was a nice feeling. He felt his eyes slipping closed and curled up comfortably, breathing in Phil's sweet scent. This was an upside to Phil having a human form - Dan could curl up against him like this. Which was definitely a good thing, because Dan kind of wanted to wrap himself up in Phil and never leave.

He squeezed Phil's fingers lightly, giving the smallest of sighs. Phil smelled nice - like honey and warmth and everything that reminded Dan of home. This was just... _ pleasant _ . Dan's brain was quiet and calm for the first time in months, it felt like, and he relaxed against Phil happily. He could definitely get used to this.

"You ask enough questions anyway," Dan teased back without opening his eyes. He shouldn't be tired after a long day of sleeping, but he was comfortable and it wasn't his fault if Phil happened to make a good pillow. Dan did frown a bit, though when Phil mentioned there might be some topics that Dan wouldn't be happy to talk about. "What do you mean?" he asked tentatively, the bond between them buzzing with his warmth and contentment in that moment, almost in Phil's arms. "What sort of things do you think I wouldn't be comfortable with?"

Phil bit his lip. For some reason, he hadn't been anticipating Dan questioning him having said that. He'd thought it would be obvious the kinds of uncomfortable questions that Phil had, and he already seen Dan kind of... shy away from it before. There were just a lot of strange customs in the human world that Phil didn't understand, like how he hadn't understood the need for clothes. That had been a strange obstacle for them to overcome before.

Phil squeezed Dan's fingers, and looked down at him, surprised to see him so close. The proximity made him blush and look away, but he liked having Dan there, so he didn't encourage him to leave.

"Just... like.  _ Things, _ " Phil said, shying away from saying it aloud. He found that he was equally as embarrassed as Dan would be, and he sighed as he realised this was ridiculous. "I'm just... I'm just curious, you know? I just want to understand this world," he admitted, and glanced at Dan again. His cheeks were bright red, he could feel it, and he hated how obvious his emotions now were. At least as a cat he had a way to hide it a little more. 

_ Like, the clothes thing, _ he whispered into Dan's mind, disconnecting himself from Dan to shove his face in his hands.  _ You showed me why it's inappropriate to be naked, and why I shouldn't watch you in the shower but... I just don't understand why humans do that outside of having children, _ he admitted. He couldn’t even think the word.  _ Is it...enjoyable? Why would they - I just don't get it, and I'm scared I should, or that... that it's something I should know about, _ he admitted, mortified they needed to have this conversation at all. Of it's own accord, his left leg began to bounce uncomfortably. 

Dan grumbled a bit when Phil dislodged him from his shoulder to instead bury his face in his hands. However, as he understood what Phil was trying to explain to him, Dan felt his own cheeks growing quite hot. He leaned away instead, flashing a quick look at Phil before glancing away again to stare down at the floor. 

Well. At least now he understood why Phil was feeling a bit awkward.

Still, this good be a good opportunity to talk about this kind of thing. They should...set some boundaries, and it would help to have Phil understanding a bit more about human customs. And, admittedly, Dan wasn't overly enthusiastic about explaining this kind of thing - largely because he'd never been particularly keen on it himself.

"To be honest, I don't really get it either," Dan answered honestly. He opted to speak out loud rather than copy Phil and speak through the bond. That was a bit too...intimate for his liking. Instead, he looked steadfastly down at the floor. "Apparently it feels good? Like, it's meant to be pleasurable. I never saw the appeal, though, I'm much happier alone. It's just...a bit much, to me," he explained.

Phil didn't like how awkward it suddenly felt between the two of them, tension thick in the air and uncomfortable in how it made Phil feel. His skin prickled and he already missed having Dan laying against him, but he couldn't even pull his face out of his hands to  _ look _ at his witch, let alone ask him to come back. He shivered a bit, suddenly feeling cold, and tried not to let it hurt that Dan seemed... unwilling to keep the bond open between them just then. He'd stopped with the walls, but he wasn't... exactly forthcoming with his feelings,and unless Dan invited him in, Phil would never push the flimsy curtains aside. 

He was breathing deeply to keep himself under control when Dan began to speak aloud, sounding nearly as awkward as Phil had, but finally explaining a little to Phil. 

Peering through cracked fingers, Phil glanced at Dan. "So... so, that's not something - we don't have to do that, do we?" he asked, and even he could hear how upset his voice was. "I don't -" Phil stopped, coughing, and shook his head, blushing from head to toe. He understood that Dan didn't  _ want _ to speak through the bond right now, but Phil truly felt as though he needed too.

_ We're meant to want the same things. We're the same person, practically, but I - I don't think I want that, _ he admitted.  _ I don't know what I  _ do _ want, and I don't know what  _ you _ want, and it's fine if it takes us a long time to figure out, but... but I don't know if I'll ever... want that  _ he tried to explain, shying away completely from the idea of...touching in _ that _ way. 

Dan resisted the urge to completely panic when Phil brought up the possibility of them ever being intimate like  _ that _ with each other. Did he even want that kind of relationship with Phil? With  _ anyone _ ? Or more importantly, did Phil want it with him? Dan knew witches and familiars were usually very close - he wouldn't be surprised if PJ and the raven were together in that way - but Dan had never pictured that kind of thing for  _ himself. _

Thankfully, Phil seemed completely against any idea of that at all. In fact, he was on Dan's exact page with it - certainly regarding sex, anyway. Dan let out a sigh of immediate relief, almost sounding like a laugh. He answered in the same way Phil had, tentatively opening the bond a little further as it seemed to make Phil calmer.  _ No, no, no, you never have to do that. It's actually a crime to do that against your will, so...don't worry. You'll never be forced into it, _ Dan reassured as soothingly as he could.

He sat back a bit on the sofa, sending Phil a considering look. He felt a little calmer now they'd cleared up that Phil definitely was  _ not _ looking for that kind of intimacy with Dan - all the accidental nudity had been exactly that; an accident. Dan was safe, but that let him think about what else he might want...what other things his relationship with Phil could possibly lead to.

The thought was both exciting and terrifying.

_ I honestly don't want it either, _ Dan explained silently, giving a little shudder of revulsion.  _ But that doesn't mean I don't want to be close to you. Being near you, it makes me feel... _ Dan paused again, unsure how to put it into words.

Eventually, he reached out and took Phil's hand again, and then opened the bond to pour through the warm fuzziness he felt at touching Phil so gently.  _ It makes me feel like that. I can't explain it. _

It was reassuring to hear Dan sputter out a half laugh, half relieved sigh, and Phil's tense shoulders slumped into something more normal. He hadn't known what he would have done if Dan hadn't understood him, or had pushed for... well,  _ that _ . Phil couldn't even think of those things Dan had shown him without feeling queasy and a little sick to his stomach. He wasn't sure if that was normal for most familiars, who had no concept of sex for pleasure, or if it was just... him who didn't like it because Dan didn't seem to like it either, which is how most familiar-witch combo's seemed to go. 

They were made for each other, or more specifically, Phil had been made from the image of Dan. He should have known things were going to be okay, that there was no way Dan would want something that Phil did not. 

It was reassuring to hear that Dan wanted other kinds of intimacy though, like touching casually the way they had been already. He sighed happily as Dan took his hand, and twined their fingers together automatically, smiling happily at Dan opening the bond so Phil could feel the same feeling he had reflected back at him. Holding Dan's hand gave him happy butterflies, a warm feeling, and it was good to know that Dan felt the same as well. 

"Okay," Phil said aloud, feeling better about things already. "Okay, so... so we'll just figure things out as we go, I just - I like holding your hand, too. I like touching you, I just - the other... not that," Phil reiterated, shuddering at the very thought of it. "I just like being near you,"  he admitted, unsure if that was a thing.

"I get it," Dan reassured, smiling when Phil sent the same emotions back at him through their bond. They seemed to be on exactly the same page. "This is all just...really new, to me as well as you. But I guess if we feel the same - we can just take it as it comes?" Dan's voice pitched up high, questioning.

Now he knew that Phil liked this, and now that Dan's brain had apparently decided to stop freaking out, at least for the moment, Dan folded his legs up under him again and tentatively leaned back against Phil's side. As Phil made a happy little noise and shifted into Dan, Dan smiled and moved closer until his head was resting back in Phil's shoulder.

"This is called cuddling," he explained softly to Phil, sensing that he might still want to know more about what was going on. "It's a thing people do with people they're close to - friends, or family, or anything like that. We could start doing this more - I mean - if that's something you’d want." Dan's voice had dropped to a murmur as he turned his face into Phil's shoulder, a bit unsure of himself again.

"Please," Phil requested. "I'd like to just - to just confront it as the situation comes up. I don't - I don't want to overwhelm and confuse us both," he murmured, sighing happily as Dan leaned back into him, folding his body up until he was resting his head in the crook of Phil's neck again. The sensation it gave Phil was actually wonderful, and he liked the way Dan's warmth seeped into him, curling his fingers tighter to Dan's in reaction to it all. 

He liked that Dan was explaining things to him as well, liked that he seemed to understand that Phil truly knew nothing and truly needed help with it all, and he sighed as he leaned his head down to lightly press to the top of Dan's. "I'd - I'd like that," he admitted shyly. "I'd really like if it we could... do this often. It doesn't have to be all the time, but... but it makes me feel safe," Phil tried to explain, not wanting to scare Dan off or make him think Phil wanted anymore than Dan couldn’t give him.

"This is plenty for me, until... until we know anything else we want. This is such a different world to what I'm used to, and I know it's different for you when I'm a human than when I'm a cat," he tried to explain. "It's different to me too. I feel like... there are more rules, when I'm not feline," he admitted, sighing. It was kind of stressful, actually. "But I have you, right?"  he asked, voice small again. 

Dan hid his smile in the skin of Phil's neck. He liked this. Having Phil leaning against him made Dan feel warm and protected, and he thought he knew what Phil meant about feeling safe. He felt safe, curled up like this with Phil.

"You have me," Dan reassured quietly. "I'm not going anywhere. I kind of want to just see where we end up, too. Just...take things slow. And I'm alright with this, at the moment." He gave Phil's fingers another squeeze, hiding his smile in his neck again.

"You're right, it was easier when you were a cat," Dan admitted quietly. "I think just because I wasn't scared of accidentally crossing a boundary. It's a lot more complicated when you're human. Not that I'm complaining. You make a good pillow in this form."

Phil sighed. This was good, this was progress, and it made him feel better about some of the aspects of the books he'd been reading. The characters seemed to know exactly what they wanted with another person, where as Phil felt like he'd never fully understand. There were a lot of things they did together as well that Phil didn't completely understand, and he wanted to ask, but he thought... now was not the time. He just wanted to soak up cuddling with Dan, and enjoy the way they were starting to feel more comfortable around each other. 

"I think I get that now," Phil agreed. "Reading these novels... I'm starting to understand that doing things I find normal might not... be so normal in my human form. I can't just crawl into your lap whenever I want. It's like... crossing a line I didn’t know was there," Phil explained, huffing a little bit. He didn't like how hard it was to be human.

"Or just, like, this? Apparently... in my book, holding hands seems to mean so much more, when all I want is to be close to you," he murmured. "I... I don't understand the concept of love the way they portray it at all. I know I love you, but... I thought that... I just mean it like. You are everything to me, and I love everything about you. But in there... it's like. Something more," Phil said. "To you, it... it's more. And I don't know if... if that's something you worry about as well," Phil admitted shyly, biting his bottom lip. 

Dan bit his lip, feeling a surprising rush of... _ something _ when Phil said he loved everything about Dan. That was the first time Dan had heard it said aloud to him, well, ever, and while he wasn't exactly surprised - Phil had been clear enough with how he felt about Dan - something about hearing it aloud set Dan's heart to racing and his thoughts to tumbling over themselves in a heady rush.

_ Love. _ Dan had always shied away from that word before. His whole adult life he'd been solitary, and he preferred it that way, only dealing with people when he absolutely had to. He wasn't a complete recluse - his people skills were actually fairly good, seeing as he dealt with patients day in day out. He just...liked being able to close the door on them at the end of the day and have his own time completely to himself.

Until Phil has barrelled into his life, anyway.

Dan pursed his lips, a small crease appearing in his brow as he tried to analyse the new rush of emotion he got from hearing  _ love _ from Phil's lips. It was strange and new, but...not bad. In fact, it was kind of pleasant, in a rushed, heady sort of way. He didn't like not having control of his reactions, but something about his fluttering heart and warm chest was undeniably pleasant.

Was that what being loved felt like? Did it mean that Dan loved in return?

Eventually, Dan shook his head, rousing himself from his momentary space-out to look back at Phil, who had been staring at him the whole time. Dan allowed the smile tugging at his lips to spread, and he twisted himself around until he'd caught both of Phil's hands in his own and was looking straight at him.

"I get you," Dan said finally. "I completely get you. You don't know human's boundaries, of course you're going to worry. But...you don't need to, and maybe I haven't done such a good job of explaining everything." He looked down for a moment, biting his lip as he considered what to say next. "...I suppose, the most important thing is that we're both comfortable. It doesn't really matter how well what we do fits into what other people do to be close. And I...I am comfortable with this." He squeezed Phil's fingers. "With hand holding, I mean. And cuddling. Maybe not with you climbing into my lap, but you could try it if you want. In private. If you give me warning so I don't drop you."

Phil was waiting anxiously for Dan's reply, terrified that he'd said something wrong when he just kind of... didn't answer. There was a lot coming from the bond though, reassuring feelings of affection and surprise that told Phil that Dan was just trying to take in what Phil had said. He realised it was a lot, and far more than he'd intended to say or ask when things felt so raw and new right now, but he hadn't been able to keep it all bottled in when Phil was so used to being an open person with the world. He'd never had to hide himself, and he never wanted to. He was just... kind of a free spirit, even in comparison to other familiars who could just as easily be closed off and haughty. 

Still, he bit his lip nervously as he watched the emotions flicker across Dan's face, a slow smile creeping at the corner of his lips until he was finally turning back to Phil and letting the smile take over. The sight of it made Phil's own lips curl into a smile of their own, and he just kind of stared tentatively until Dan began to speak.

And, okay, so Phil had  _ really _ needed to hear that. The anxiousness clawing at his heart that he was doing something wrong, that he was too much and too overwhelming and too  _ different _ to fit into Dan's life and society’s expectations for humans completely disappeared until Phil was just kind of slumping over into Dan again. He sighed out a breath of relief, because Dan was telling Phil that he didn't  _ need _ to fit with what everyone else saw as normal. The idea that they just needed to be comfortable with each other, without labels or fear, made Phil happy. 

"It's just. In your books,the characters never stop thinking about slapping a label on everything, and everything has so much more meaning," Phil murmured, turning his head until he was burying his face in Dan's hair. "I just. Want what you want. To be comfortable and happy with each other, no matter what that means. I don't - I don't need you to be anything but my witch," Phil admitted softly, "Whatever that entails. I don't care. This is enough for me. Moving slowly is enough for me. Finding what feels right is perfect to me. I just... want us to be happy," he said, expressing his fears and laying them out to Dan like he was laying out his soul. 

He broke the tension as best he could by nudging Dan, though, and asked "So, like. I can literally climb onto you in any form, then?" He hoped his voice sounded teasing, and he hoped that Dan knew it wouldn't mean what it meant... to other people. There were no ulterior motives to Phil climbing all over Dan other than a need to be close and to feel affection and warmth.

Dan's smile only grew. He understood Phil's fears perfectly, and with that understanding came the knowledge that Phil really didn't mean anything else by his affectionate touches to Dan. He just meant what he said - to be close, because Dan was his witch. He wasn't after anything other than that. Dan felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders and he relaxed properly for the first time in Phil's presence, the last of the worries that Phil expected something from him slipping away.

They could do this. They wanted the same thing, and there didn't have to be any expectations for something more that just made Dan frankly uncomfortable. He grinned at Phil. "That's that, then. We just do things like this because we want to. There's no meaning behind it other than you are a familiar and I am your witch." Dan let out a breath. He'd become a lot more comfortable with that concept since realising that Phil really wasn't going to push him into something that Dan didn't want.

He snickered at Phil's teasing prod, shifting out from under Phil (even though it was strangely nice to have him pressing his face into Dan's hair like that), and opened his arms in invitation. "Like I said, you can try climbing over me whenever you like. Just give me some warning so I can make sure I'm not holding a potion or reading or something, you're a menace enough as it is." He kept his tone light, hoping Phil would realise there wasn't any anger behind his words. He paused, adding after a second - "But, and please don't take this to mean I'm ashamed of you, we probably shouldn't do this sort of thing in front of my customers. It...means something different to them than it does to you or I. I wouldn't want them getting the wrong idea."

The thing about being a witch’s familiar was that you shared everything, and you were made for each other, but for all that Dan had proved that to Phil, nothing compared to this moment, as Dan spoke and teased and opened his arms for Phil to climb into them if he wanted to. Phil didn't hesitate, humming in lieu of purring and climbing into Dan's lap with his legs straddling either side of Dan’s thighs, arms going around Dan's neck as he stuffed his face there as well. 

Dan was so warm, so comfortable, and his arms were strong and sturdy and everything that Phil needed. It just felt right to be held by him, just felt right to be shown such affection. Phil had craved it his entire life, despite having other familiars to cuddle with every night. Being touched by his witch was an entirely different feeling, caused something deep and warm to slide through his body, like this was meant to be. 

And it was. It was, and that's how Phil had always known that Dan was his.

Dan's arms came around his waist easily, holding Phil there as Phil hummed, lips spread into a soft grin. 

"You love me," he whispered, half-teasing back, and not expecting an answer he knew Dan wasn't ready to give. It had nothing to do with crossing boundaries, either, nothing to do with Dan having to reassess his idea of those boundaries. Phil could feel it through the bond that those words were a struggle for Dan not because he didn't feel them, but because he didn't know  _ how _ to feel them. He didn't understand them the way Phil did. There was a knowledge deep in Phil's heart that he loved Dan, and he didn't need Dan to say it before he was ready. 

"I won't do it in public. It's a special thing. It's mine," Phil reassured him, blushing again. "Besides... I don't... I don't want anyone to see it. You're mine."

Having Phil clamber into his lap and proceed to sprawl all over him knocked the breath out of Dan, and he laughed, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist to bring him in closer. He tilted his head as Phil smushed his face into his neck, laughing again at the nuzzling there. This was just  _ right _ . Dan had the same slidey, heady feeling surging through him as he'd had when Phil had curled up on his lap in cat form, and much as he'd tangled his hands in Phil's fur, Dan now lifted one hand to curl through Phil's hair, his other tightening his grip around Phil's waist.

There was so much warmth to Phil. Even though he looked human, Dan could sense that there was something otherworldly about him. It was in the way his pale skin almost glowed where it touched Dan's, in the way Phil's humming was low and almost feline, in the way he thrummed with magic in a way Dan hadn't ever sensed before. Yes, he was still a familiar, no matter how human he looked, and that made it much easier for Dan to relax and hold him. He was just Phil. 

Dan went still when Phil teased that Dan loved him, because the answer rushed through him, pulsing in his veins, burning on his tongue. It would be  _ so easy _ to say the words, to tie himself to Phil completely, but still Dan balked at voicing them. This was wonderful and overwhelming and intense all rolled up in one, and he was drowning in it. A drowning man couldn't say anything that wasn't in panic - Dan had to be comfortable first.

So he tightened his grip on Phil and pressed his face into Phil's hair, much as Phil had done to him earlier, and simply breathed him in. This would be enough, for now. He could sense that Phil wasn't fishing for anything more.

"I am yours," Dan admitted quietly after a moment, and felt something break free within him as he said it. He sighed deeply and continued, "I am. As you are mine. This is just...us," he said simply, and didn't elaborate any further. Phil would understand. Phil always understood.

The rush of emotion, for once, didn't overpower Phil or knock him off of his feet. Instead, he felt happy and free, allowing it to rush over him while Dan held him, Dan’s magic seeming to prevent Phil's from breaking any more of Dan's house. It was nice, as well, to feel so protected in Dan's arms, humming as one of Dan's hands moved to thread through his hair, holding him more securely and sweetly than ever before. 

Dan was right. This was just  _ them, _ and that's all that he needed in life. He didn't care that the world would have strange questions he wouldn't know how to answer anymore, because Dan had reassured him that they didn't have to matter, they didn’t have to be important. They could just be them. 

Phil wanted to tell Dan he loved him again, but he also didn't want to make him uncomfortable again, so he didn't, just moulding himself to Dan's body instead and forcefully integrating himself into his witch. He liked his better anyway. There was no need for words when Phil wore his feelings on his wrist. 

"Yours," Phil murmured happily, and sighed as he relaxed into Dan's arms.

Despite Phil's nap, he was still tired, and he realised this more and more the longer he dozed in Dan’s arms, wondering if Dan was tired as well. He roused himself after a little while, just enough to pull back and look at Dan, their faces ridiculously close, and smiled. "I think it's time for bed, now," he whispered, eyelashes fluttering. "I'll take the sofa, okay?"

Dan kind of didn't want to let Phil go, so he grumbled a bit when Phil pulled back. He made a face, drawing Phil in again. "In a bit. Let me hold you for a while longer." He determinedly linked his hands behind Phil's back so he was held in place, and sniffed, shoving his own face into the crook of Phil's neck, seeing as Phil had moved away on him.

Dan was relieved, though, that Phil had said he'd take the sofa. Not because he wanted Phil to be uncomfortable, but because it showed Phil still wasn't going to push at Dan's boundaries. Dan bit his lip, considering. As much as he liked having Phil in his arms - and he really did like it - there was still something slightly terrifying at the idea of sharing a bed with him.

"I'll take the sofa tonight," Dan disagreed after a moment. "We can switch. Can't have you hurting yourself again, I'd only have to heal you." He chuckled a bit before unhooking his arms and releasing Phil, sending him a stern look. "No arguing with me today."

Phil wouldn't lie. Nothing could compare to the way that Dan refused to let Phil go right away, drawing him back into his arms and pushing his own face into Phil's neck. It made Phil's whole body relax, until he felt like he could float should Dan let him go just then. He felt light as air, and more loved than he could ever say. Dan  _ wanted _ to hold him, and wasn't that a step in the right direction? It felt like everything really was going to be okay, and that nothing could break their bond ever again, whether Dan was terrified of... other things or not. Phil could wait. Phil could always wait, if this is how good it felt just to be held without reservation, Dan refusing to let him go when Phil tried to pull away, then he could wait for everything else.

More might be too overwhelming right now.

It had to end eventually though, and Phil couldn't help the small pout as Dan pulled away and insisted that he sleep on the sofa this time since he'd had his bed all afternoon. Phil wanted to protest that he hadn't even taken the sofa yet today, but realised belatedly that it would prove Dan's point that Pil had already slept at a  _ table _ , and so he had to take the bed now. 

"Fine," he grumbled, but he could feel his chest constricting. He didn't really like the idea of being in Dan's bed without him, let alone taking it from him. He sent Dan a disgruntled, hurt look, and then turned away again. "Fine but -but if I don't like it, you let me have the sofa from now on." Phil didn't put a time limit on it, didn't insist that they one day share, and hoped that Dan knew he meant that. 

They never had to share if he didn't want that. It was okay with Phil. He could cuddle with Dan all he wanted before bed, and that was all that mattered to him. 

Dan pursed his lips, thinking. Phil's disgruntled pout was too cute for him to deal with, so he folded his arms and affected a stern expression that he tried not to ruin by smiling at the warm, fuzzy emotions he could feel flooding through their bond.

"Fine," he agreed after a moment's thought, "If you really hate the bed, then I'll let you have the sofa. But you have to promise to try and like it, okay? I'll be able to tell if you're faking, this bond goes two ways, remember." He made the typical I'm-watching-you gesture, flicking two fingers between his eyes and Phil's, and allowed a smirk to tug at the corner of his mouth.

To make his point, Dan made a show of stretching out comfortably on the sofa (well, until his legs started hanging off the edge, when he hastily pulled them back under his body). He wasn't super tired after his day of sleeping, but he had to at least attempt a normal sleeping pattern. At least out here he'd be able to do some reading before he tried to sleep again.

Phil immediately grinned, laughing at Dan's joke and rolling his eyes as he peered exaggeratedly closely at Phil, pointing to him at the same time as he thrummed the bond, reminding Phil of just how open and honest it was. He'd never lie to his witch, but it still made him happy to know that Dan seemed more open to the bond they shared now, willing to use it for both of their sakes. It was good to know that Dan wanted them both to be happy, and Phil went to bed that night after Dan showing off just how comfortable he was on the sofa, with a smile on his face. 

Still, it was hard getting comfortable in Dan's bed without him there. It was nice to be surrounded by Dan's scent, but... it was also unnerving to open his eyes, intending to reach for Dan, and realise he wasn't there. Instead, Phil cuddled around a pillow, wishing not for the first time that he could be a cat again.


	14. Chapter 14

"So... about that recipe we came up with together," Phil said as the two stood in front of Dan's still destroyed office. "I'm not sure we could magic it back, nor can I bring back the desk you apparently threw out, but... I think we can manage it again, if you wanted to try?" Phil asked, mindlessly letting his magic work to restore Dan’s office as he turned back to face Dan, who was standing just next to Phil in the doorway to his office. Phil tried for a sweet smile.

"I mean. After it's all fixed, of course. And maybe we could create you a new desk." Just like that, Phil's mind was building, and when he turned back around, there was a beautiful mahogany desk sat in the middle of the room. "Or I could create you one," he said, laughing and shrugging as Dan gave him a look. "It's like my magic has a mind of it's own," he teased.

Dan shook his head, staring with awe as Phil casually went about fixing up his office until it actually looked better than it ever had before. The new desk was shiny in its dark wood, and it glowed with something special that was probably the remnants of Phil's magic, which, apparently, was pretty strong just then.

"I think you're just excitable," Dan shook his head fondly at Phil. "No wonder you accidentally blow things up if I don’t keep an eye on you. Good work, though. I like the desk." Tentatively, Dan took a step further into the office and ran a hand across the wood, smiling at the soft texture.

Dan wasn't wrong. Phil was definitely just overly excitable, and that was probably a better explanation for why his magic had decided to create a desk for Dan instead of them doing it together, but Dan didn't truly seem to mind even as he teased Phil. Phil watched him take a step forward, looking shy but undoubtedly happy as his fingers ran over the wood of the desk Phil had created him. His paper and materials were still gone, but at least the walls weren't black anymore, and there was no lingering scent of destruction. At the very least, Phil could be proud of that. He smiled to himself, and followed Dan inside.

"This is actually the cleanest my office has ever been," Dan admitted, "So clearing it out may have been good. I'm sure we can come up with the recipe again - I hope so, anyway, that'll be a bestseller if we can cure the common cold." Dan smiled, relieved that he was back here with Phil this time. He hadn't been back since he'd been furiously scrubbing at the corners, and he was a bit worried at the amount of destruction his office had taken.

"I guess we've discovered what I'm good for then; cleaning up after you," he teased, and then laughed as he realised they very much seemed to clean up after each other. "Maybe that's just what our relationship is; two really tall boys who clean up after each other," he added, laughing and pressing his hand to his mouth when he felt something weird happening. He was surprised to feel his tongue poking out between his teeth, and blinked a few times before looking at Dan. Dan didn't seem to be paying him much attention though, digging around instead through his papers he'd managed to salvage, and coming back up with an excited "ah ha!"

"What is it?" Phil asked, stepping forward and around Dan's new desk to where he stood, taking in the sheets of paper he'd gathered before he realised it was a very old version of the recipe Phil had helped Dan to perfect. He grinned, and nudged Dan with his hip. "Budge over, I got this," he said, and grinned, laughing as Dan rolled his eyes. His tongue darted out between his teeth again, and he snapped his mouth shut in embarrassment. Dan's tongue didn't do that when he laughed.

Dan shook his head, relinquishing the papers with a long drawn out sigh. Clean up after each other’s messes they might do, but that didn't stop Phil from being a complete pain. An adorable pain who had a nice habit of hugging Dan whenever he could, but still a pain. At least they'd salvaged a very old version of the recipe, which had most, if not all, of Dan's equations on it. He thought he remembered the rest.

"Fine, I suppose I'll trust you to do it," Dan grumbled, moving around the desk to straighten up the chair that Phil had apparently magicked back into existence as well. It was covered in black velvet - very much Dan. Now they were both human, though, they were going to need two chairs, so Dan focused for a moment and flicked his fingers in his best imitation of Phil's magic.

Another chair appeared beside Dan's, almost identical except the velvet was blue instead of black. Dan pursed his lips. That would do for Phil, hopefully, even though Dan had been aiming for an exact copy. His magic, it seemed, had other ideas.

He turned back to Phil just in time to see Phil covering his mouth with his hand and looking a bit startled. Dan tilted his head. He hadn't quite looked quick enough to catch what Phil was up to, so he approached him with a slight frown. "What's up?"

Phil simply backed away, keeping his hand pressed over his mouth. Dan narrowed his eyes. "Am I going to have to hug the answer out of you?"

At that, Phil gave a surprised chuckle, and his hand moved just enough to reveal his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth. Dan's eyes brightened, his lips stretching into a smile, and he took a quick step forward. "Oh. That. Do that again, quickly."

Phil laughed, the sound shocked out of him by Dan's silly comment. If he was honest, he wouldn't mind if Dan hugged anything out of him, overly happy at the fact that Dan would _want_ to, and quickly hid his mouth again after he accidentally revealed to Dan the strange thing his mouth was doing. Dan was quick to step towards him again, though, despite Phil having tried to sneak away from him, embarrassed and confused by the weird thing his tongue seemed to want to do.

"No," he whined, "it's weird."

Dan wasn't taking no for an answer, however, choosing instead to poke at Phil's ribs until he was laughing uncontrollably and his tongue was sticking out of it's own accord. His eyes were bright as he squirmed with mirth, trying to get away from Dan, laughing so loud he was sure that the entire world could hear him.

"Stop!" he whined, still laughing as Dan him backed into a corner. "I give, I give, you've seen enough!" he whined, still laughing as Dan finally pulled away. Phil bent over at the waist to catch his breath, and was wiping tears from his eyes when he straightened back up. "It's embarrassing," he claimed. "You don't do that!"

Dan grinned wickedly, only stepping back once he'd seen that Phil had laughed enough for his tongue to reappear again. That was...completely adorable. Dan could feel himself melting again, bursting with affection as he regarded Phil with a soft gaze.

"I may not do it, but I'm glad you do," Dan replied with a small grin. He reached out to rub Phil's cheek, his thumb swiping gently against Phil's soft skin. He was always so warm. Dan could feel himself dimpling just from touching Phil. "You're completely adorable, you know that?"

He glanced around the office with another warm smile, pleased that things were coming together. A lot of his books had been chucked out, but Dan knew where to get more copies, and he had enough recipes backed up that his loss wouldn't be disastrous. And he had Phil to help him bring everything back up.

"I should pop out to see PJ soon," Dan sighed. "Just to get the shop opening again. Then we can get going on some potions. Sound good?"

Something warm and fluttery filled Phil until he was practically squirming under it, inhaling sharply and just managing to catch his breath as he straightened up and stared at Dan, who reached out and touched his cheek gently. Phil tilted his face into the touch, still grinning even as his cheeks hurt from all the laughter, melting under the look Dan was giving him.

"I'm not cute," he complained, even as he sunk into the feelings swirling between them. Dan was just.. Dan. Phil wasn't sure he even knew how he made Phil feel all light and bubbly and like he was doing something right with his life each and every time Dan relaxed with him, made a sweet comment or implied that he did like Phil, on more than one level. He liked that Dan considered him adorable, and that he seemed to enjoy Phil's mind, and that he liked the way it felt when the two of them touched. Everything was just so _right_ in Phil's world that he was practically beaming as he reached out and poked Dan's dimple.

"You're adorable, too," he murmured, and leaned in to press his face into Dan's shoulder, just wanting a hug. Dan's arms wound around him automatically, and Phil sighed, reaching out to do the same. He wouldn't be so embarrassed of the weird tongue thing if Dan liked it.

Sighing sadly, Phil let Dan go. "Off with you, then. I'll work on your equations and fix your remedy," he teased, and shoved Dan right out his office door. "I don't want to see you again until you're ready to give me all of your attention!"

Phil grinned as Dan laughed, shaking his head before leaving, and then sighed and turned around. He hadn't noticed until just that second that Dan had conjured a chair for him, nearly identical to Dan's own, and nearly melted into the ground at the sight of it. It was blue, the color of Phil's eyes, and matched Dan's black one quite nicely. Phil loved it, and sat in it immediately before finally getting to work on Dan's formula.

Dan squawked in something like professional fury, poking his tongue out at Phil and saying, "You always have my attention, greedy. Honestly, so needy, what on earth am I going to do with you?" He laughed again as Phil all but slammed the door in his face, turning to the empty shop before him.

There was still an hour before opening time (Dan tended to open late, he liked his lie ins), and so the shelves were spotless and the orderly aisles were empty. PJ had kept things spick and span in Dan's absence, which Dan was pleased about and knew he'd have to thank him for later.

Dan went about dusting down the counters and opening up the till for the day, and quickly popped out to check on his plants in his greenhouse. The dragonplant was still thriving the most out of all of his plants. Dan fingered the soft leaves thoughtfully before replacing their glass container and going about his business.

When he returned to the shop, PJ was already there. He dropped the folder he'd been holding, staring at Dan with wide eyes. "You're back!"

"That I am," Dan answered wryly. "Sorry for everything I've put you through. It's been...a crazy few days.

PJ simply shook his head, staring at Dan until he ran forward to wrap him in a hug. Dan patted his back awkwardly - he didn't do contact very well. At least, not with people who weren't Phil.

"I was worried," PJ confessed when he finally released Dan. "I thought you'd need more time to recover, after rescuing a familiar. No-one has done that before." At that, his voice took on a tinge of awe.

Dan shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, well," he answered in a gruff voice, privy to the information that it had indeed happened before, just not very often, "I had to. I couldn't leave Phil like that."

PJ smiled. "He seems nice."

"He is," Dan confessed, warming without realising it. He coughed, instantly getting back to business. "So, anyway. We're open as usual. You can watch the shop floor, I'll be in my office with Phil catching up on regulars and working on some new stuff."

"Sure thing." PJ gave him a two-fingered salute. "Oh, and the Bramley twins need their usual tonic."

Dan nodded, already on his way back into his office. That was enough interacting for one morning.

Phil thoughts were all over the place as he worked, thinking far too fast and remembering far too much at once to really keep track of himself. On top of that, he was still grinning over the chair Dan had conjured him while also giggling about Dan calling him needy and greedy for Dan's attention. It was all far too true, and Phil was warmed all the way to his toes. He hadn't even realised just how happy he was until the chair he was sat on suddenly began to float, shocking Phil out of his focus on the equations he was trying to re-organise and re-figure out.

He gasped when his pen fell, and just managed to regain enough control to set himself back to the floor safely before he burst into uncontrollable giggles. Was this how it would always be? He kind of hoped so. The idea of monotony ever being a part of Phil's life again was... not pleasing, and in fact, upset him quite a bit. He liked the way things were now, with his feelings for Dan propelling his magic into doing strange things... like apparently creating a small apple paperweight in gold that now sat in front of his chair. Phil blushed, and then laughed again, and turned back to Dan's formula.

It took a lot of figuring out and shifting through his thoughts, but Phil could still remember that afternoon when he'd helped Dan with the maths and had watched him flip numbers around until it worked. Eventually, Phil was satisfied that he'd done it right, and without bothering to wait for Dan, Phil set about preparing it.

Dan entered his office again and shut the door behind him, determined to keep Phil all to himself for now while they still worked things out. Thinking of, he hadn't seen the raven with PJ at all. Maybe she'd buggered off for the day - Dan wouldn't be missing her. Unless Phil wanted to talk to her, of course, but Dan felt an irrational flare of jealousy at that thought.

Phil was _his_ , after all.

Upon looking into his office again, Dan nearly snorted at the golden apple paperweight that had mysteriously appeared on his desk. He could feel the thin tendrils of Phil's magic still floating in the air, and there also seemed to be a cauldron on the desk happily bubbling away that definitely hadn't been there before.

"Starting without me?" Dan questioned as he leaned against the wall and surveyed Phil with twinkling eyes. "And here I thought it was going to be a joint project."

Phil jumped when Dan spoke up behind him, having apparently appeared in the room without Phil realising it. The sound of his voice scared him so much that he literally jumped, and nearly knocked over his cauldron. In fact, the only reason he didn't lose his potion was because of Dan's magic suddenly catching it and preventing it from burning a hole through the desk Phil had only just conjured up for him.

"Don't scare me like that!" he complained, whining a little as he whirled on Dan with his hand over his heart. He laughed, tongue sticking out and everything, and closed his mouth only to shake his head at Dan. "It's hardly fair for you to just appear out of nowhere!" he added, motioning Dan inside. "Come help me! I'm not sure if I read your handwriting right. Do I stir counter clockwise six times, or eight? Your writing is atrocious," Phil complained, handing Dan the paper as he approached and leaned into his side.

"Now that you're here, it _can_ be a joint project," he added, grinning as Dan told him eight - "eight, how the heck is that an eight anyway!?" - and stirred twice more before letting it simmer. "So. You're back. That means you're ready to ignore everyone but me now, right?" he teased, though he really was greedy for Dan's attention to be focused on him while he taught Phil how to help him with his work.

"That's so obviously an eight!" Dan whined, pointing at the paper and brandishing it in Phil's face. "It's not my fault if you can't read properly, just look at that - look at that curl, right there. It's so obviously not a six, you spork." He ruffled Phil's hair, promptly ducking out of the way of his retaliating whack and snickering.

Dan quickly returned his attention to the cauldron, though, making sure his magic was keeping it in check. With Phil, you never knew when some random spark could appear and burn a hole through his carpet. Still, Dan was having fun as he picked up his recipe sheet and scanned over the additions Phil had made. It looked pretty perfect to Dan.

"Alright, needy," he chuckled, sending Phil a small, fond smile. "I promise to give you my full and undivided attention for the rest of the day. Happy now?" He shook his head, then moved up behind Phil and took his hand in his own. "You're stirring a bit wrong. You have to use your elbow - like this." Dan opened up the bond, showing him how it was supposed to feel as he moved Phil's arm in careful circles. "See?"

Right, so. Apparently there were still some new sensations that Dan could give Phil, and one of those was a greedy feeling in the pit of his stomach at Dan coming up behind him and gripping his hands to show Phil the proper way to stir. He didn't understand it, but he liked the way it made him feel. It was something like affection and safety that made him grin and immediately lean backwards against Dan's chest. He was that little bit shorter, so he was able to lay his head on Dans' shoulder and grin up at him. "Hi," he greeted with a little giggle, enjoying the way Dan's lips quirked and his cheek dimpled, laughing harder as he sat back up straight, focusing more on the the potion he was meant to be brewing.

"I didn't think being human would be so hard," Phil complained as the new movements made his arm ache, and he blew air up at his fringe to force the long black hair out of his face. Seeing it made him miss his fur, but he was learning to enjoy being human, and it really was more useful in some things. Phil was sure he'd find a way to switch back and forth in the future.

Dan snorted when Phil leaned against him and looked up at him with a cheeky little grin. He nudged back, muttering, "A menace, you are. We're supposed to be working." He was smiling, though, as he directed Phil back. Dan had done this often enough that it was instinctual, even though he was using his weaker right hand to show Phil how to properly stir.

"Oi, being a human isn't so bad," Dan sniffed. "Thumbs are useful! And you must be cooler without all that fur." Dan paused for a moment, though, because he actually kind of missed that black fur. It had been soft and nice to curl his fingers through, never mind how nice it was to have Phil sprawling in his lap.

Well. They'd probably figure out how to switch him back eventually, and for now it made more sense to see a human talking out loud than a cat.

"What exactly are we making?" Dan asked after a moment. He stepped back from Phil, sure he'd got the hang of it by now, and instead scooped the altered recipe back up again. He scanned it quickly, lips pursing, and smiled when he saw that Phil had near-perfectly remembered the recipe from before - the one to cure the common cold. This could potentially solve an issue Dan had spent most of his career trying to fix.

Phil rolled his eyes. "Always with the thumbs," he complained. "As if the mouth isn't just as useful for picking things up," he added, though he truly did have a new appreciation for fingers than he might have had before the switch. It was nice to know he could pick up something easily without breaking it or hurting his mouth. Using his hands was just safer on so many levels.

"It's really not all that hot to have so much fur," Phil explained, considering the concept. "In fact, right now I constantly feel cold. There isn't enough hair on me to keep me warm," he said, glancing down at the jeans and t-shirt Dan had given him to wear. It was far warmer than the robe had been, and Phil appreciated them, but it wasn't quite enough. He still felt cold to the bone, and honestly missed the heavy fur coat that had kept the weather out. "Maybe I'm just more used to being _warm_ than cold?" he guessed, finally finishing stirring and glancing back at Dan, who’d moved away from Phil to glance at the recipe he'd come up with.

"How's it look? I thought I remembered fairly well."

Dan pursed his lips to Phil saying he felt constantly cold. "Really? Because you always feel boiling hot to me. Maybe familiars just run at a different temperature?" He tilted his head, considering Phil, and determined to look it up later. For now, he'd just make sure to lay out a bunch of warm woolly jumpers for Phil to wrap himself up in.

Maybe it would give Dan an excuse to hug him some more, too. He was missing the touch, if he was completely honest with himself.

"Yeah, it looks pretty good to me," Dan agreed, brandishing the recipe. "We might have to play with the ingredients a bit, I'm not sure there's enough foxglove. We can test it next time I catch a cold." Dan slipped over to his cupboard and pulled out a large mixing bowl, then started to gather up some of his dried ingredients for the twins' tonic. "We've got some other customers to work on," he explained at Phil's questioning look. "I've been neglecting my regulars."

Phil pouted a little. He'd thought he'd done pretty well with the formulae and ingredients, but he supposed there was no way he was going to do a perfect job his first time around. Even when he'd helped Dan, it had mostly been Dan who'd figured things out with Phil's opinion offering a new perspective on the things Dan had taught him. Sighing a little, Phil tried to drop it from his mind, raising a brow and a questioning look at Dan as he started to pull out another cauldron and different ingredients.

Grinning excitedly, Phil set a timer for his boiling concoction, and rushed to Dan's side, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Can I help?" he requested. "If I know how to help your regulars, you can concentrate on new patients and new recipes to help the ill," Phil explained, eager to be of proper use to Dan. He wanted to make his witch's life easier the way he was meant to, after all.

Dan gave a startled laugh at Phil's excitement. He'd never worked with someone as eager to please as Phil, but it seemed to run deeper even than that - Phil wasn't just excited about this because he wanted to help Dan, he was actually excited about the process, too. Dan could feel his interest thrumming through their bond. No one had ever wanted to share this with Dan before - even PJ was more interested in serving people than in coming up with recipes.

"Of course you can help," Dan agreed with a warm smile. "I'm starting off with a tonic against childhood bone weakness. The twins are five now, I've been making it a while. Come along." He brought Phil over to the desk and showed him the recipe from among the piles of books, as he began to chop up the dried herbs.

"It's a pretty simple one. Then we've got plenty of other regulars to work on. Together we'll get it done much faster than I ever managed alone."

**

Phil had never felt more happy or proud of himself than that morning he spent with Dan, learning recipes and the best way to go through them for the best results. The stronger your magic, the better the potion was likely to come out, as Dan showed Phil how his magic managed to seep into almost everything he did, including touching the ingredients. Phil listened intently, doing as Dan said, and tried to monitor his own excitable flow of magic that always seemed to want to get involved, whether it was meant to or not.

It was fun, as well. Phil had never enjoyed himself as much as when he was applying himself to potion making, the puzzle of it all and the way it stretched his muscles - physical and mental. He was panting by the third brewing, arms sore, and trying not to pout at Dan who thought it was hilarious that Phil was having a hard time. Phil knew it wasn't malicious laughter, though, and teased Dan back as often as he was able, grinning and rolling his eyes and messing about with him whenever he could.

Dan, mostly, helped Phil and worked on new formulas quietly when Phil was concentrating too much. On those occasions, Phil would sometimes sneak up on him and hug him from behind, pressing his chin over Dan's shoulder bone for his own comfort and sighing against the skin as they spoke. Sometimes, Dan jumped and tensed for a moment before relaxing, but he stuck true to his word, and didn't seem to mind that Phil was so touchy feeling and needed the comfort of Dan pressed to him often.

By afternoon, PJ was popping his head in as if to check in on them, and Phil was wishing he was a cat so he could take a cat nap on top of Dan's desk. As it was, he was slouched over in his chair while potions simmered and Dan took care of measuring them out, taking a much needed but probably very short break.

The afternoon wore on slowly but comfortably. After PJ had popped in to check on them both, Dan reassured him that they were both fine and sent him back out to the shop front armed with the tonic for the twins and some other regular medications that he'd worked on with Phil. PJ raised an impressed brow at how much they'd got done. Dan grinned proudly back. He was allowed to be proud of Phil, now that they were starting to iron things out.

Once PJ had gone again, Phil and Dan settled back into their routine. They'd settled into Phil stirring and watching the cauldrons as Dan read and added to recipes, occasionally chopping up dry ingredients and passing them onto Phil. Occasionally, Dan also pointed out ways to help Phil, or poked fun at him for his overexcited magic. Dan had already had to curb his enthusiasm, much to the relief of his desk and lightbulb.

Things were good, though. A quiet day spent in another's company could be a truly beautiful thing - and Phil's habit of randomly hugging Dan was hardly a bad thing, either.

When it was getting late, Dan set down his recipe and glanced over to where Phil was bent down over the fireplace eagerly watching a cauldron bubble away. Dan smirked and edged up behind him, suddenly throwing his arms around Phil's waist and chuckling at his yelp.

"Hello," Dan snickered, pressing his face into Phil's shoulder. "How much longer have you got on that? I'm just about done for the day, but I need to go check on my greenhouse. You want to come?"

Phil's only solace for the day was his ability to kind of cat-nap while in human form, sleeping with one eye open while his potions simmered, and only tuning back in when things needed to be stirred. It helped to give him his energy back, and soon enough, he was up and about again, encouraging Dan's teasing with small pouts of his own and bitter words that only made Dan come over and hug him to comfort him. Phil was pleased, feeling mischievous but also able to tell quite clearly that Dan was very aware of what he was doing. It was good, though, and Phil loved it; even when they grew quiet or didn't speak much, when their concentration was at it's peak. It was just nice to have someone there, someone who was meant for you and provided comfort just by being them.

Phil even managed to avoid any more total disasters, though there was a point where Phil got distracted by something shiny and nearly knocked over a cauldron that needed eight hours to simmer, just barely catching it before Dan could yell at him or notice. Phil snuck a glance back at him, but Dan wasn't paying attention, and Phil picked up the shiny coin on the ground and shoved it on his pocket to play with later.

There was one potion in particular that Phil really liked. It bubbled a dark purple color, flashing green from time to time, and swung over the fireplace in the back of Dan's office. While the rest of his potion work was being cleaned up and put away by Dan, Phil sat hunched in front of the cauldron and watched the flickering color excitedly. Magic was honestly a lot cooler when it was small things like this than it was when Phil merely snapped his fingers to make something happen.

Dan's arms suddenly appeared around his waist, then, and Phil yelped, jumping and nearly falling backwards into Dan, who caught him easily enough. Phil relaxed, smiling to have Dan initiating contact like this for once without any type of prompting from Phil, and just relaxed as Dan nuzzled his shoulder.

"Hello," Phil greeted back, eyes closing from contentment. He was humming again, proud of their easy familiarity with each other now. "It needs another hour but if I set a timer..." Phil murmured, already clicking one on in head. "Okay!" he said, growing excited already. "I want to come with you!"

Dan frowned, glancing around. He couldn't see a timer anywhere, despite Phil proudly announcing that he'd set one. After a moment of contemplating it, Dan shook his head, and mumbled, "Timer? What timer?" not quite loud enough for Phil to hear. The other boy was far too busy jumping up and down eagerly to hear much of anything, though.

Dan gave the cauldron a quick once-over, admiring the swirling green pattern, but after clarifying that it was bubbling along nicely and would be fine on its own for an hour, Dan gripped Phil's arm and tugged him out of the office. PJ was starting to close up the shop for the day, so Dan simply waved at him before heading out of the back door and towards his greenhouse.

Dan was proud of his greenhouse. He'd spent years cultivating the most precious herbs and plants around, creating special environments to grow the most delicate of flowers while lining the whole thing with hardy ferns that were the staple of any good potion. Dan had resolved to stop ordering in any plants over the next few years, determined to grow them all himself.

There was a burst of colour and smells as Dan opened the door and let Phil in. Flower after flower, shoot after shoot decorated the entire place, with creepers growing right up to the roof and shrubbery and leaves littered all over the floor. Dan gave the harberry shrub a pat on his way in, and then instantly went to check on his most valuable crop - the dragonplant. It was taking over well over a quarter of the far wall by now, encased behind a warm glass screen.

"Well?" Dan asked, spinning around to face Phil with a small, suddenly shy smile. "What do you think?"

Phil was feeling ridiculously giddy as Dan led him out and into the front shop, waving to PJ on his way by and grinning happily at the bemused man whose raven was currently missing. He smiled and waved back at Phil, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe what he was actually seeing, and Phil squeezed his fingers tighter around Dan's.

Before he knew it, he was being led back and into a greenhouse he had only been outside the front door of before, and the first thing he noticed was the sheer mass of magic and power emanating from inside. His skin crackled with all the power overlaid with the essence of Dan, but most definitely outlining just what was inside. The smells hit him next, like a slap to the face in the best way. Phil inhaled deeply, smiling as he glanced around himself to take it all in.

Every inch of the greenhouse was covered in plants of all kinds, some tall, some small, and some growing in small patches that might have looked like mould if Phil hadn't known any better. There were things in the building that Phil hadn't even known could exist together, and then, as Dan walked off, Phil following behind blindly, they came upon a supply of dragonplant that Phil had not been expecting to see.

"Wow," he said, awed by the sheer mass of it encased behind a glass screen. "When you said it was flourishing, well, I didn't imagine you meant like this," Phil whispered, reaching forward and stroking his fingers over the glass.

He turned to Dan with a grin.

"I love it here. It's beautiful. It's perfect, Dan."

Dan grinned back, more pleased than he could say that Phil liked it in here. Dan spent most of his time here, pottering around his plants and tending to them. It often felt more like home than his empty flat did.

Not so empty anymore. Not with Phil around.

"Yes," Dan snorted when he looked at the dragonplant. "It's your fault entirely it's doing so well. I've tried and failed four times to grow my own crop, and then you turn up and give me the best quality I've ever seen, and it just keeps _growing_. I barely have to do anything to it, other than build it a bigger screen."

He turned to the back of the greenhouse, then, where he had a small table full of his tools and bits and bobs for caring for the plants. He gestured Phil over. "Hey. Can you use your overexcited magic to float these things around for me? Then I don't have to keep coming back to the table."

Phil smiled, eyes going bright with the knowledge that he'd given Dan the best of the best to help him cultivate his own crops, rather than having to buy from an outside seller. From the looks of his garden, it seemed pretty obvious that was his overall goal for all of the plant based materials he would need in the future, and Phil could see already it was definitely working for him.

Following Dan further into his greenhouse, Phil felt himself beginning to bounce on the balls of his feet with excitement. More than anything now, he wanted to see how Dan took care of things, desperate to help as much as he could. He pouted as Dan teased him again, though, and shoved him a little, nearly upending himself in the process.

"Stop it. You need me," he whined, but did as he was told. His magic followed his command, gripping the items and dragging them behind the two of them as they moved about Dan's greenhouse. Phil continued to stare around in awe, handing Dan item after item as they went on.

Nearly overbalancing at the unexpected shove from Phil, Dan flailed his arms around windmill-fashion until he managed to save himself by grabbing onto the branches of a giant tree with one hand, and Phil's shoulder with the other. His nails dug in slightly and he straightened himself, giving the tree branch an apologetic little pat.

To Phil, he simply rolled his eyes with a fond smile and released him. Neither of them had enough balance to risk playing around in here - at least, not seriously. Dan still planned to have a little fun.

He started moving among his plants, taking the watering can from Phil's little floating selection of tools and carefully pouring exact amounts into the rich, earthy soil of his plant pots. He sprinkled light portions of feed lovingly into their roots, stroked carefully through their leaves, and tended to their dead shoots or dying leaves by carefully clipping them away and sending them into the compost pile heaped in a corner, where they could naturally decompose and add to the growing of new shoots.

Dan had always had green fingers. For as long as he remembered, plants were his only company, and he loved them perhaps more than anything or anyone else in his life (Phil notwithstanding). It showed in the affectionate way he patted branches and ran leaves through his fingers, knowingly avoiding thorns and sprinkling feed and water wherever it was needed.

As he went, Dan also began clipping some fresh leaves and petals and roots to use in his potions, once they had been dried and clumped together. His clippers were thin and delicate, and he gestured Phil closer to show him how to properly cut the shoots without damaging the plants.

"The trick is not to take too much at once," he explained, voice rough with so much talking as he'd been telling Phil stories all about his favourite plants as they moved through the greenhouse. He'd never talked this much at once _ever_. "They'll grow better if you leave good young shoots, but the adult ones can be clipped and brought inside. It's like giving the plants a haircut." He sent Phil a mischievous grin, playfully snipping the clippers at him. "Could give you one, too, while I'm at it."

Dan's voice was music to Phil's ears, and as he began talking, sharing stories with Phil's about the first time he'd brought in each plant, and how and why he loved this one in particular, Phil began to watch him, staring at the side of his face in order to just take him and everything he was saying in. It was enjoyable, just watching Dan, listening to him, laughing with him about his stories while his fingers stroked over his favorite plants with so much affection it reminded Phil of when Dan pet him as a cat.

The plants almost seemed to love Dan back, issuing forth magic every time he fed and cared for them, snipping away dead parts and feeding the healthy bits, only taking from the oldest parts of their shoots and leaves and leaving the new bits intact. All the while, he talked, teasing Phil and claiming to want to give Phil a hair cut. Pouting, Phil nearly dropped all of Dan's tools as he reached up in distress to cover his hair.

"No!" he wailed, but he could see the twinkle in Dan's eye, knew his witch was teasing, and grinned as he caught Dan's tools before they touched the ground. "If you cut my hair, I'll cut yours," he complained, lips twitching. "What if it affects my fur!"

At that, Dan couldn't hold back a snort of laughter. "You know, that's a pretty decent idea, actually. When you've figured out how to be a cat again I'll give your fur a snip." He snapped the clippers shut to make his point, and quickly dodged Phil's indignant whack with another snort of laughter.

The mental image of an indignant Phil in cat form with wild, messy, chopped black fur was slightly too entertaining to ignore.

Still, that thought sent Dan down a different track, and he tilted his head, considering Phil for a moment. There was something he'd never understood, or at least never paid much attention to before. Now they were getting on better, though, Dan thought he could risk asking. It couldn't hurt, right?

"Phil," he started, biting his lower lip for a moment before releasing it, "Can I ask you something? So you know why you're a cat?" He shook his head, trying to explain. "It's just - PJ loves birds, and he's got a raven. I thought familiars represented something of their witch, but...I've never really liked cats. Until you, I mean," Dan hastened to add, "I'm not saying I don't like _you_. I'm just curious. Why a cat?"

Phil would have hissed had he the ability to make such a noise, but as it was, he huffed out something akin to a growl and shrunk away from Dan, giving him the dirtiest look he could manage while he pouted to himself. He would kill Dan if he ever tried to snip Phil's fur, and his magic would probably freak out. Dan didn't need to know that, though. If his witch considered it a funny prank, than he got whatever he deserved in retaliation. Part of Phil knew that Dan meant it completely as a joke, but the other part of him was just too horrified by the idea to calm himself down.

They had stopped walking by now, when Dan spoke up again, asking the same question he'd asked Phil weeks before. Sort of. He'd wanted to know then too if Phil had any control over his form and why he'd picked a cat. This time, though, Phil had the feeling Dan wanted to know why a cat suited Dan's soul enough for Phil's mind to pick that form. He thought about it for a minute.

"Well... as I told you before, I didn't get to pick my form, and I can't change it at will," he said, "But I think I'm beginning to understand why your soul seems to think a cat is the best representation of you, whether you like it or not," he teased, finally sidling up to Dan again and knocking his hip into his witches. "For one, you're really stubborn," he said, considering it. "And I've got first hand knowledge of that one." Dan had been very difficult in the beginning, not that Phil could truly blame him, but to a point of contention. Phil was pretty stubborn as well, though, so it would be okay. "And you're inherently lazy. Don't pretend. The amount of time's I've caught you catching cat naps," Phil teased, laughing as Dan gave him an affronted look.

"But you're also proud, and keen, and far too intelligent and curious for you own good. Really, Dan, when you think about it, every inch of you is feline."

Dan's face went through a whole range of emotions, from indignation to huffing to smiling until he finally settled on a pout. Mostly, though, he was honestly surprised that Phil had already picked up on so many of Dan's traits and habits - even the ones he didn't want to admit to himself.

Was he right, though? Was Dan actually best represented by a cat? He could feel his pout growing, a small huff leaving him. He could have sworn he was more canine. Hell, he'd even have settled on being a bird, like PJ. But a cat? _Him?_

Well, it could have been worse. At least he wasn't a seal.

"I'm totally not a cat," he mumbled after a moment, knowing full well he sounded like a sulky child. As he pruned one of the bushes, he turned to Phil again, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "Besides, you're just as bad! I'm sure you're more stubborn than me. _And_ you nap as well, don't think I haven't caught you."

Phil couldn't stop laughing; not only at Dan's ridiculous pout, but at the way he seemed to think pointing out Phil's traits as worse than his own was going to prove somehow that Dan was less of a cat than Phil. It was laughable, and Phil moved towards him to wind his arms around his waist.

"You're a dork," he said fondly, tucking his face over Dan's shoulder. "You realise I was created _from_ you, right?" he teased. "So... of course I'm going to be stubborn, and lazy, and just as keen as you. Makes us a good match, doesn't it?" he whispered. "Who else is going to be able to combat your silliest ideas, who else is ever going to be able to challenge you and win? I was made for you, Dan Howell," Phil said, sighing happily. "I was made in the image of you. So. Embrace your feline-aspects, because I'm not going away now."

It didn't occur to Phil until after he'd let go of Dan just how sensual a thing that had been to do, and he blushed from the tips of his hair to his toes, embarrassed and hoping he hadn't made Dan too uncomfortable. His smile faded as he turned away. In fact, he had made himself a little uncomfortable with how close and intimate they'd been, and Phil loved intimacy.

Dan froze up a bit when Phil leaned into his shoulder, whispering in his ear. It wasn't _unpleasant_ , not exactly, but it was new and strange and a bit overwhelming again. Dan had been growing accustomed to cuddling and hand-holding, even started initiating them himself, but this was...different. He wasn't entirely sure if he liked it.

Luckily, Phil seemed to be on exactly the same page as him, as he drew back from Dan and glanced down, and the sensation of embarrassment flowed gently through their bond. Dan's first reaction to that was to turn around and reassure Phil, laying a calming hand on his arm but standing far enough away that they weren't pressed together anymore.

"Well, when you put it like that," he tried to sound normal as he smirked, "I suppose we do make a good match. Fuck knows what we'll do when we have to clean up, though. Or early mornings. I so do not do early mornings." He shuddered, though he was still teasing, and he rubbed reassuringly at Phil's arm.

It was comforting when Dan pressed a calming hand on Phil's arm, rubbing reassuringly in light circles in understanding and a reminder that Dan understood. Neither one of them had quite been prepared for _that,_ not that Phil was ever expecting them to be. He just hadn't realised how strange and intimate a thing it would be until he'd done it. Whispering into Dan's ear was not something Phil ever wanted to do again, but he was happy to know that Dan wasn't angry with him for it. He hadn't intended to make either of them uncomfortable, after all.

"I mean," Phil said, chuckling a little and finally looking up at Dan. "I'm sure if it gets bad enough we'll manage to force each other to clean," he reassured Dan. "But... if I'm a cat, you can't make me do anything," he teased, and laughed when Dan shoved him. Phil lost his balance for all of a few seconds, catching himself on a potted plant that he nearly upended and managed to grab onto with his magic. However, righting that before he could do any damage to it meant that Phil lost control, and dropped Dan's tools before finally falling to the ground himself, covered in water from Dan's watering can.

He pouted up at a laughing Dan, and tried not to whine too obviously as he pushed himself back up into a sitting position. "Shut up," he complained. "That was your fault."

"You can't blame me for your wild magic," Dan argued through his chuckles, a hand pressed to his mouth. He couldn't help himself. Phil was just sitting there, drenched in water, looking utterly disgruntled. His hair was flat and dripping, and his clothes were sticking to him. Dan could be forgiven for laughing, he thought.

"C'mere, you clumsy spork." Dan sighed through his chuckles, bending down and extending a hand out to Phil. Phil accepted it, and Dan pulled him up to his feet, gently dusting him down and ending with his hands on Phil's shoulders. They weren't pressed together, so he didn't think it was too much for them. Phil could step back if he wanted to.

"Maybe we should head back inside," Dan offered, lips still twitching. "Get you all dried off. Cats don't like being wet, right? And you're so _obviously_ a cat."

Phil was still pouting when Dan helped him up, glaring at the other man even as he dusted him off and very gently took care of him. This was all his fault, and Phil was fully putting the blame on the other man and not his own magic.

"You realise that if I'm clumsy, you must be clumsy too, right?" Phil argued, still grumpy even as Dan put his hands on his shoulders in what seemed to be an attempt to reassure and comfort. Glaring into the warm brown eyes of witch, Phil felt himself beginning to melt into a puddle of gooey happiness just from the sheer reminder that Dan was finally his.

Until said man started making fun of him again, and then Phil's anger was back quick as a flash. He glared at Dan, turned on his heel, and stormed from the greenhouse. His magic swarmed over him, drying him instantly, and he'd just reached the door when the timer he'd set in his head went off.

His eyes went wide.

"My potion!" he cried, and then proceeded to trip right out the door. He landed on his face, and, frustrated as he was, vanished himself only to reappear just in time to flick out the flame in the fireplace. His potion was safe.

Dan watched Phil go with a bemused expression. Where had Phil just winked himself out of existence to? It was like when he'd first appeared and used to disappear seemingly at will. Dan thought he was going back to his own word then, but how could he have done that now? It was impossible, wasn't it? Now Dan had accepted him?

Or had Dan _still_ not accepted him fully? Did Dan get something wrong again?

With fear beginning to wrap cold fingers around his heart, Dan locked up his greenhouse with a flick of his fingers and sprinted quickly back into the shop. PJ had locked up and disappeared already, so it was quiet and dark. There was no sign of Phil. A bit frantic now, Dan searched every aisle and then peeked into the medical room where he'd first let Phil sleep. There was still nothing.

With panic bursting in his chest, Dan finally pulled open the door to his office and nearly collapsed when he saw Phil there, bent over the fireplace. Dan had forgotten completely about the potion. "Thank fuck," he gasped, and threw himself across the room until he had his arms around Phil's waist and his face pressed against Phil's back.

Honestly, the last thing Phil had been expecting was for Dan to burst through the door of his office like a rampaging bull while Phil was working on getting the potion away from the still burning embers of the fire pit, only to then launch himself at Phil's back and curl his body around him. The fear in Dan hit Phil hard, then, and he shivered and whined a little at the overwhelming fear of loss that spread through him.

He felt his chest tighten with the ache of nearly losing Dan, and then realised what had gone through Dan's head when Phil had disappeared so suddenly. Tears were pricking at Phil's eyes, and he could feel Dan's falling onto the shirt he'd left Phil borrow.

"Dan?" he asked, sad and quiet. "I'm - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he whispered, biting his lip against the lump he could feel in his throat. If this was how Phil was feeling from Dan's emotions crashing through their bond, he couldn't imagine how terrible Dan must be feeling just then. "I'm - I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me now," he tried to reassure as Dan just continued to cling to him from behind, not allowing Phil to move, face buried in his back and arms tight around him.

Phil felt the tears slip down his cheeks, and laughed a little through the tense, overwhelming feeling. It was a reminder that Dan cared, and while Phil knew that now, while the last thing Phil would have ever wanted was to make Dan think he was going anywhere, he couldn't help appreciating the sensation of overwhelming want for Phil.

Dan kept his face pressed tight against Phil's back, his eyes squeezed shut to try and contain their burning. He couldn't help it. There had been so much terror in him, then, when Phil just disappeared without any warning. It reminded Dan of when he'd just wink out of this world, and he couldn't bear the thought that he might lose Phil again. Not now, not when he was just beginning to finally appreciate his presence.

It struck Dan, then, just how much things had changed. It wasn't so long ago that Dan had fought completely against the idea of having anyone in his life, let alone a familiar. He hadn't wanted anyone invading his thoughts. And while that was still partly true, now Dan knew just how much good could come from being close to someone. Phil was a good addition to his life, and not one Dan was willing to lose just yet.

Eventually, Dan loosened his grip enough to let Phil move, but he instantly wound his hand around Phil's, keeping them connected. He avoided Phil's gaze, mumbling, "Sorry. I was just...you disappeared, and all I could think was you weren't going to come back, that I'd done something wrong again." He sniffled, wiping his hand on his sleeve, and giving Phil a watery smirk. "Stupid, I know. What the fuck was so important that you had to leave like that, though?”

Dan let him go, but reached for his hand almost immediately, seeming to need something, _anything_ , to weigh him down and remind him that Phil was still there. Phil could give that to him easily enough, turning so he could actually look at Dan and squeezing his fingers around Dan's. Dan's hands were clammy and wet, and he was sniffling, which broke Phil's heart more than he could ever say. He wanted to reach up and wipe away the light tear tracks currently on his face, but it seemed Dan was trying to pretend he hadn't been crying at all, so Phil held himself back.

"The - the potion for your chronic illness patient? I - I almost forgot about it, and the timer went off in my head, and I thought - I didn't realise you would have forgotten as well," Phil explained, distressed as he stared at Dan and realised just how worked up he was that he was cursing at Phil again, something he hadn’t done since the last time Phil had pissed him off and began this whole mess.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Phil promised, biting his lip and crowding into Dan's space a little in an attempt to grab his attention and reassure him. The hand Dan wasn't holding came up to press comfortingly to Dan's cheek, and Phil peered back and forth between each of Dan's eyes. "You're stuck with me now, I promise. Only death can drag us apart. If I disappear, I'm coming back. Promise."

Dan stared intently back into Phil's eyes, tracking his every emotion, looking for a lie. But he didn't find one. Phil was telling him the truth, he could see it in his face, and Phil's face was an open book. He didn't hide his emotions, never had. He was telling the truth - he was never going to leave again. Dan wasn't going to mess up like that again.

Dan wilted. He pressed into Phil's arms and nuzzled his face into Phil's shoulder, pressing himself as close as he could. Phil wrapped his arms around him, and Dan sighed, feeling grounded again after his little freak-out. He was trembling, he realised belatedly, but it was fading under Phil's gentle touches.

"Sorry," he mumbled into Phil's shoulder, still refusing to back away. "I didn't mean to swear at you. I was just..." He trailed off, and let out a deep sigh. He tightened his grip. "I... care about you, okay, Phil?"

Phil opened his arms to Dan easily, embracing him tightly as Dan pressed his face into Phil's shoulder, bodies so close Phil could feel the heat radiating off of Dan. He could also feel the residual fear, and the pain that seemed to still linger in Dan's heart. Phil hated how badly he'd scared the other man, and kissed the side of his head lightly. He'd always kissed Dan's head, now that he thought about it, and he wasn't sure where he'd learned it, but he hoped that it didn't bother Dan. He hadn't complained so far.

"It's okay," Phil reassured him, hoping Dan's trembling would calm down if Phil kept holding him. "I know," he said, and held Dan tighter to him. There had a been a time when Phil had thought this would never be a thing, and now, Dan was terrified at the possibility of Phil ever disappearing on him again. It warmed him, made him feel proud that he could hold Dan and comfort him, and he sighed as he rested his cheek on the top of Dan's head.

It was times like these where Phil felt bigger, stronger, like he could protect Dan.

"It's time for dinner, I think. You said we should settle down for the night, and there's nothing left to take care of. Come on," Phil insisted, still cradling Dan against his chest.

Dan stayed in place for a moment longer, savouring the kisses pressed to his head and the heavy warmth of Phil's arms wrapped around him. It turned out that Phil had a very comfortable chest. He rested there for as long as it took for his trembling to stop, and then he drew back with a small nod.

"Yeah. Let's go rest," Dan agreed, and kept one hand wrapped tight around Phil's. He didn't want to let him go, in fact he was rather savouring the thought of curling up in Phil's arms some more, up in the privacy of their flat.


	15. Chapter 15

Dan tugged Phil out of his office and up through the stairs back to his own flat, dragging Phil straight to the sofa the minute they were inside. 

"If it's all the same to you, I'm kind of demanding some cuddle time before you make me do sensible things like eating and sleeping,” Dan insisted, already climbing onto the sofa with Phil and curling into his side. 

The second the two men entered Dan’s flat, Dan drew a laughing Phil over to the sofa, demanding they do some cuddling before they were forced to do anything else for the night. Phil couldn't even complain, sitting as Dan pushed him to the sofa, and moving his body almost on instinct to allow Dan to cuddle into him - his arm wrapped over the top of the sofa, so Dan could cradle his head in the crook of Phil's arm, chest left wide open for Dan, while Dan's arm wrapped around his waist. 

It was comfortable, cuddling like this, with Dan curled up at his side and Phil just kind of sat there, staring down fondly at the man he'd always thought would be the strong one, but who was falling apart right now. Phil just wanted to put all of his pieces back together and keep him safe from the rest of the world, including himself, because it was clear now that Dan was not as strong as he made himself out to be.

"I love you, Dan," he said, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head again. "I promise not to leave." He didn't expect an answer, didn't  _ want _ one, and merely sighed as Dan pressed further into him. 

Dan snuggled into Phil's arms, his head finding a natural resting place on Phil's chest. He hadn't been held in a very long time, and certainly by no one who could match him in height. Dan was proud of his extra inches on Phil usually, but it was also good to curl up in his arms like this and be cared for.

Having Phil around was all kinds of nice, not least of which was his calming scent or happy thoughts that always seemed to let Dan relax.

Dan froze when he heard Phil say he loved him. He could feel it in their bond, the truth of it, the affection Phil had for him washing over him, completely undeniable. Dan was  _ loved _ . Despite all his mistakes and insecurities, Dan was loved by Phil, this crazy, beautiful magical creature.

And maybe Dan wasn't quite ready to say it aloud yet, but he could feel his own heart lifting and singing in response. As it was, he simply curled into Phil and pressed a tentative, shy kiss to the skin of his neck. Dan hadn't kissed Phil before - not in human form, anyway - but that was...that was nice. So he did it again, carefully, just pressing small butterfly kisses to Phil's neck.

Oh.  _ Oh _ , Phil hadn't known that was something he'd like, appreciate and  _ enjoy. _ Dan had kissed him when he was in cat form, sure, light pressing of lips against the top of Phil's head, just between his ears. This was different, though, and Phil couldn’t quite explain why, or what it was doing to him, but he felt so _ light, _ and  _ good _ , and  _ loved _ . Dan's lips pressing to his neck over and over again in shy little kisses that were clearly just as terrifying for Dan to be doing as they were for Phil to feel, sent warmth pooling through his entire body until he was giggling happily, and drawing Dan properly into his arms. 

So maybe it was something that could be seen as more... intense than Phil meant it, but he couldn't help himself as he manhandled Dan properly into his lap, the same way Phil had done to him the other day. There was just something so good and floaty feeling inside of him to feel Dan giving him such open and honest affection that he couldn't help himself, needing him close so he could cuddle him properly and feel connected to him. If he could, he'd meld the two of them together, and just become one person.

"That's nice," Phil admitted, still giggling because he was just ready to burst with the happiness filling him so completely. He nuzzled Dan's neck, pressed a light kiss there himself, and sighed against the skin of Dan's neck. "That's really nice. It makes me - happy," Phil tried to explain. Kissing in the human world generally seemed to denote something more, like a prelude to that thing humans did that terrified and upset Phil just to think about, but this was nothing like that at all. It was just - it was like holding hands but better, and Phil was happy that Dan felt safe and happy enough to do that with him.

He squeezed his arms around Dan's waist, and tried not to let his overwhelming giddiness cause any more issues in the flat. 

If the lights flickered for a second, well, hopefully Dan wouldn’t say anything. 

Dan might have squealed a bit when he was dragged into Phil's lap, but if he did he was never going to admit to it. He kept his face pressed in Phil's neck, though, liking the way kissing there made Phil completely melt under him, dragging Dan in close. There was no panic, no discomfort. Not with this. This was… soft, and the perfect way for Dan to express his affection.

When Phil returned the gesture, a light shudder rippled down Dan's spine, and he leaned back just enough to look up into Phil's shimmering eyes. "Yeah?" he asked in a near-whisper. "It's good? You'd tell me if it was too much, right?"

Once he had Phil's reassurance, Dan nosed his way back into Phil's neck, resting his head comfortably in the nook just above his collarbone. He was undeniably comfortable. Phil's arms were around him, and Dan was nestled in close, and Phil was holding him in place with gentle strokes of his thumb against Dan's back.

"Maybe," Dan murmured, then hesitated as he followed his thoughts through. He bit his lip. Nerves were rising again, but he was so overwhelmed by Phil, by the desire to check he was okay, by the desire to be near him, that this felt  _ right _ . "Maybe - if you want, if you'd be comfortable - maybe we could share my bed tonight?"

It definitely wasn't too much. It was just enough, actually. Phil didn't think he'd be comfortable with very much more, but right now, having Dan wrapped up in him, lips pressed lightly to Phil's neck, chaste kisses belying their affection for each other, he felt good, and safe, and wonderful. This was something he could do, could get used to, and he hoped it was something that Dan wanted too. 

From the sounds and feel of it, it seemed like he did. His nose nuzzled against Phil's collarbones, and he cuddled back into Phil's chest, just kind of resting over him. It was nice, just laying like this. Phil rubbed his fingers into Dan's skin, sighing into the contact, hoping it felt as good to Dan as it always felt to Phil when Dan pet him, either as human or feline. 

He could feel Dan's hesitation and blooming hope as he spoke on, hesitating before he rushed forward to ask Phil if he wanted to share a bed tonight. Phil's heart flipped, and he could feel himself on the precipice of overwhelming happiness, but he bit his lip and hesitated as well. He reached out to Dan a little in the bond, unsure of himself, and not wanting to invade his privacy, but feeling the need to speak to him this way instead.

_ Are you sure, Dan? I don't want you to feel pressured. We don't have to. _

Dan may have given a slight jolt when Phil used their bond to talk to him, instead of the out loud speech that Dan had come to know so well. There was something almost  _ intimate _ about hearing Phil's voice rumbling away inside his mind, just brushing the outer edge of his innermost thoughts without invading or searching where he wasn't wanted. Dan jolted only for a minute before he relaxed again, cautiously opening up his side to meet Phil in the middle.

_ I'm sure, _ he reassured Phil, and he really was. The fear he'd had about being so close to Phil had all but disappeared in the softness of Phil's arms around him. Dan gave a small sigh. It appeared that his body had been craving soft contact like his without him even knowing it, because once he'd felt Phil's fingers on his skin, it was all Dan ever wanted to feel again.

He melted into Phil's lap, into Phil's arms, and stopped his kisses in favour of lying there in Phil's embrace. His legs were wrapped around Phil's waist, his head resting in the crook of Phil's neck, his arms loosely wrapped around Phil's shoulders. In return, Phil had a good grip around Dan's hips, and he was stroking gently at Dan's back through the loose t-shirt he'd thrown on that morning.

_ Honestly, I don't think I'll ever want to let you go _ , Dan whispered into their bond, almost a sigh of pleasure.  _ I'd be quite happy if you let me stay here indefinitely. _

It felt so good to have Dan saying those things to Phil that he nearly wanted to cry with happiness. A light bulb shattered in the corner of the room, and before Phil could stop himself, they were both floating a few inches off the sofa. He was blushing and laughing as he hid his face in Dan's hair, grip even tighter around his witch, and it was Dan's magic surrounding them that allowed them to settle back on the sofa, with Dan still clinging to Phil lightly and hiding in his chest. For a second, there were little mini fireworks and a rain of light confetti, and then it was all gone and Phil was laughing against Dan, his body shaking with it.

"I guess that made me happy," he admitted, still laughing as he felt Dan loosen up and laugh with him, his tenseness fading as the light jolt of fear left as well. 

Phil's arms tightened around Dan as he sunk back into the sofa with a soft sigh, burying his face in Dan's hair and inhaling deeply with the intense desire to just... smell him, and keep him close. 

"I want you to stay here forever," he eventually murmured. "I don't - I don't know what other familiars desire in their partners, but this is all I want. To just. Have you all to myself, and you happy to be mine."

Dan gave a startled yelp when they were suddenly floating, but he was suppressing a smile even as he rolled his eyes. He gently lowered them back down to safety, his magic pulsing and joining with Phil's, and then they were both settled on the cushions with little fireworks going off over their heads.

Dan shook his head, looking up at Phil with pure affection. "Honestly. I'm going to have to be careful about making you happy, aren't I?" His tone was warm, though, and he settled himself back into Phil's hold with his head hiding in Phil's neck again, demanding to be loved some more.

"Seriously, though, maybe we should use you to start a fireworks display," Dan mumbled. "My patients would love it." He snorted at the image of tottery Mrs Pritchard staring up in abject awe at the strength of Phil's magic, and let the image filter through their bond, figuring Phil would probably appreciate it too.

He sighed happily, and then leaned back enough that he could meet Phil's eyes again. He reached up to cup Phil's cheek and smiled at him, warm and happy and full of an emotion that Dan didn't think he'd ever feel. "Honestly, Phil, same. I just… want all of this. Nothing more, nothing less."

Dan's thought, the image he projected into Phil's mind, honestly made him laugh so hard he thought he was going to toss Dan from his body by accident. He liked the way it felt to have the pressure of Dan against his chest, sharing something intimate with him just from sharing their minds even just that tiny bit that Dan was sometimes willing to do. It was good, and it made Phil feel warm, and he truly considered for a minute that he should started a fireworks thing for Dan's patients.

"Maybe for the kids," Phil decided, humming. "I could lay in their laps as a cat and make fireworks go off around their heads," he said, imagining himself purring in their laps and watching with delight as their faces brightened at the pretty colours around them. The idea of it all made Phil shudder with happiness. There had truly been a time when he didn't think his future with Dan was quite as permanent as it currently was. 

Unable to help himself, Phil pressed his lips to Dan's neck again, fluttering kisses there just because he could and it felt nice. He was surprised when Dan stopped him by reaching up and cupping his cheek, smiling at Phil and promising him that he wanted the same things. 

"Just this," Phil agreed, and sighed. They didn't need any labels, but he knew that he loved Dan, and he knew that Dan loved him, and they shared each other's number one place in each other's lives. That's all Phil would ever need from Dan. 

Dan's eyes clouded over at the image of Phil curled up in other people's laps. He shook himself, telling himself off for being silly, they were  _ children _ for fuck's sake, but also it was kind of hard to think of Phil being held by anyone else. His eyes darkening just a little, he wrapped his arms around Phil's waist and pressed himself closer, enjoying the kisses pressed to his neck.

So maybe Dan was a bit possessive, as it turned out. Phil was  _ his _ , after all.

"Just this," Dan agreed warmly, pulling himself back into the moment. He tilted his head when Phil went back to pressing kisses to his skin, liking the way a tremor ran down his spine and his chest was filled with warmth. To make it even more intense, he could feel all the same emotions firing back at him from Phil, until they were rolled up in each other's world, lost in their little comfy cocoon of happiness.

Dan knew they should be moving. There was dinner to make and the bed to get to and sleeping clothes to find for Phil, but Dan also really didn't want to move just then. He nuzzled lightly at Phil's neck, and then let himself melt into him until he was warm and heavy and pressed right against Phil's chest.  _ I actually might just sleep here. _ The thought strayed, unbidden, through their bond, and Dan let it float between them with a small, upward twitch to his lips.

Phil giggled, Dan's sleepy thought drifting easily through to him in a way that showed Phil just how comfortable Dan was beginning to get with him. It made him happy, and helped him to relax now that things were settling into something okay and normal. They'd found something akin to a pattern for themselves, a middle ground where they could both be happy and comfortable. Their boundaries were light but there, and it made Phil feel just as safe as Dan. 

He let the man rest against his chest for a little while more, continuing to pet at his skin, occasionally giving Dan warm kisses to the skin closest to him, and revelled in the realisation that Dan had never had this before. Phil was his one and only, just as Dan was Phil's. 

"Come on," he urged when it seemed Dan was on the verge of actual sleep. "We need to eat. You're still weak from the other day, I can feel it. Food will help," Phil insisted lowly, jostling Dan awake and smiling softly at him when Dan glared. "You know that doesn't work on me," he teased, and leaned in close to press another kiss to Dan's forehead before forcing him out of his lap. 

Dan grumbled loudly as he was jostled out of Phil's lap. Not even the soft kiss pressed to his forehead was enough to calm him down, and he still turned his glare on Phil once they were upright. Phil just laughed at him again, though, and even reached out to poke Dan's cheek. Dan smiled without meaning to, but it turned into a glare when Phil's finger disappeared into his dimple.

"You need to stop doing that," Dan grumbled, ducking away and batting at Phil's hand. " _ Fine. _ You want me to move, so clearly you don't want me near you right now." He poked his tongue out, teasing, and then left a large space between them as he trotted over to his kitchen.

Phil was  _ never _ going to stop doing it, loving the way his finger disappeared into Dan's dimple when he smiled, seeming unable to help himself when Phil was touching him. It gave Phil happy goosebumps as he giggled, just about to curl an arm around Dan's waist and drag him in for a hug when Dan decided that Phil didn't want him near at all and sprinted away in reaction. 

Mouth dropping open in horror, it took Phil a few seconds to realise Dan didn't mean it, and the teasing made him frown until he was grumbling as well - admittedly with the hopes of getting Dan to come back  _ over here _ , but that seemed to fail almost instantly. Phil sighed, a little put out that he'd been the cause of them having to stop touching, feeling a little bit needy now, and followed Dan to his kitchen.

As much as Dan didn't want to admit it, Phil was right. His tiredness was beginning to catch up with him, after the whirlwind of a day spent making potions and showing off his impressive collection of plants to Phil. Dan could feel exhaustion creeping at the corners of his brain, but he waved it off for now, instead getting out some pans and deciding to cook actual meat this time. After all, he had to give Phil a full experience of human cuisine.

Dan snickered, sensing rather than seeing Phil's put-out expression as he was left without Dan's touch. Well, he  _ had _ been the one to initiate this. He was just going to have to deal with Dan being away from him - at least until after they'd eaten. Then he'd be struggling to escape Dan cuddling him, to be honest.

"How does steak sound?" he asked, smirking a bit at Phil's confused look. "More human food. It's like, meat, with potatoes and veg. It's good, I promise, especially when I make it."

"Right then, are you the best cook in the world?" Phil asked, teasing Dan. "I'm sure I'll love it if you love it," he added with a small yawn, realising that he was tired as well. He'd been working so hard all day to try and prove to Dan that he could be useful and that he could  _ learn, _ with hardly one cat nap amidst it all. 

Speaking of cat naps, Phil really missed his cat form. He pouted, wondering if he'd ever get it back, and then sighed and sat down on the chair at Dan's kitchen counter. 

"I miss being a cat," Phil complained despondently. 

"Why, yes, I am the best cook actually," Dan answered with a low chuckle. "It's like brewing a potion, just with different ingredients. Not that you have anything to compare it to." He set the meat to sizzle away and roasted some veg, and then span back to glance at Phil again, pursing his lips lips at his morose expression.

"Maybe we can figure out a way for you to switch back?" Dan asked, contemplating. "Maybe if you picture being a cat, and we both sort of… focus our magic there? It might take us working together to make you switch, I'm sure you used some of my magic when you turned human out of the blue." Dan bit his lip. He wanted to try, because Phil was obviously happier as a cat, but also… Dan kind of liked Phil having arms. Then they could wrap around him.

If cooking was like brewing a potion, Phil thought he could be good at it as well. Already, the scent of cooking meat was filling the room, and Phil inhaled sharply, realising just how hungry he was. It was strange needing to eat more than once a day, but human food  _ was  _ also about a thousand times tastier than the clouds back home ever were, and it smelled equally amazing. He intended to stand up and go and see if he could help Dan, but then Dan was turning to him with a kind of sad looking expression.

It didn't take very long for Phil to figure out why. There was something in Dan that didn't want Phil to be a cat right now, which was a strange thought considering Phil usually felt like Dan was uncomfortable with him as a human. But even as Dan spoke, and encouraged Phil to try picturing himself as a cat while using up Dan's magic as well as his own to go back to his other form, Phil hesitated, because... well, because Phil was happy in the form that made Dan happy, and something in Dan seemed to want Phil's arms and long limbs to hold him right now.

Phil could do that. Phil could wait. Phil wanted to be comfortable in both forms eventually anyway, so he could be what Dan needed him to be, and so he could do what Dan needed him to do, far easier. 

"Not yet," Phil decided. "I - I want to get comfortable in this form too. I want to be both."

Dan smiled when Phil insisted that he stay in human for a while longer to get used to it. Dan figured that was at best a half-truth; he knew that Phil had been complaining about his human body for long enough now, always wishing for his feline form again. Dan had wanted that for a while, too, but he was finally starting to get accustomed to being around Phil in this form.

And...when he'd asked Phil to join him in bed that night, he'd been imagining human arms to hold him.

Dan hid his smile by turning back to the dinner. He was sure Phil was doing this for him - making an effort to stay human because he could sense that Dan wanted that at the moment. Dan was incredibly grateful, so he didn't bring it up, only saying delicately, "Okay, we can get you used to this form some more."

After a few minutes, he laid a plate of steaming food in front of Phil and then settled down opposite him, glad that his flat at least had two of everything in case Dan ever had a guest over. Most of the furniture was woefully underused, though perhaps that would change now that Phil was around.

As before, Dan didn't eat straight away, instead watching Phil with bright eyes. He nudged his ankle under the table, grinning. "Come on. I want to see if you like this as much as the soup."

Dan didn't argue, for which Phil was grateful, not having wanted to have to explain why he was intent on staying human tonight. He could work out how to switch back and forth after he'd gotten to hold Dan some more. He was honestly excited about sharing a bed, after all, holding Dan close and letting him cuddle into Phil's chest they way he'd been doing just before Phil had nudged him awake for dinner. 

Soon enough, dinner was on the table, and Phil was left staring at the piece of meat sat in the middle of his plate a little apprehensively until Dan nudged him with his toe, seeming intent on seeing Phil's immediate reaction to the meal. They'd had leftover soup for lunch, and so Phil hadn't had a chance to try anything else new yet today. The piece of meat really was intimidating, though, and Phil picked it up with his fingers slowly. Dan's brow was furrowed, like he didn't know why Phil was eating like this, but Phil ignored him to instead press his teeth delicately into the corner. 

The taste, as before, struck him immediately, exploding across his tongue, and maybe it was partially that Phil was a human and therefore had more taste buds to experience things, but it was the best thing he'd ever had. He moaned in pleasure, ripping off another strip with his teeth and chewing greedily, only putting the slab of meat down once with the desire to try the veggies that Dan had prepared as well. He ate greedily, shoving the potatoes and carrots into his mouth like he wanted nothing more in the world, closing his eyes in bliss and humming happily.

"Can eating be my new job?" he requested, sighing as he swallowed his huge mouthful and finally looked up at Dan, who was handing Phil two utensils he didn't recognise. "What are these?"

Dan's lips were twitching. He couldn't help it. He should have foreseen this, really, that Phil wouldn't know about knives and forks and would just eat with his hands instead, but he hadn't expected it to be so...cute. It  _ shouldn't _ be cute. It should be ugly and gross. Maybe it was Phil's expression, or the appreciative noises he made, but...Dan didn't mind watching this.

There was a strange pull in his chest, and then he was smiling widely as Phil looked up at him. "I mean, I  _ wish _ we'd get paid for eating. Sadly that's not really a thing, though." He grinned. "I'm glad you like it, though. We can start having more meat in our dishes once you get used to it."

He held out the spare knife and fork, seeing Phil's confused expression, and smiled. He dragged his chair around to Phil's side and leaned in close again (perhaps he didn't need to be  _ quite  _ so close, but Phil wasn't going to complain, right?) "Like this," he explained, placing the knife in Phil's right hand and the fork in his left, as Phil seemed right-handed, unlike Dan. He sent Phil the mental picture of cutting up the meat, and gently pressed Phil's hands down towards the plate, adjusting his grip. "Think you can try?"

Phil was never going to complain if something caused Dan the need to come closer to him, and he smiled as Dan pulled his chair around the table to sit right next to Phil, nearly crowding into his space. Phil didn't mind, though, leaning into Dan until their shoulders were pressed together, and Dan's head was as close as it could get to Phil's without an awkward collision. Phil took the knife and fork, and tried to focus on the mental image and physical sensations Dan was feeding him. 

Dan's hands were warm around his, but soon enough, they were gone, and Phil was slowly figuring out how to cut his meat. "Yeah," he agreed, and did his best to mimic the motions in his mind, squealing a bit when the knife scraped hard against the ceramic of the plate. The sound was loud and piercing and Phil did not particularly like it. Dan pressed a reassuring hand to his shoulder, and Phil tried again.

Soon enough, he had the entire thick slab of meat all cut up, and Phil was beaming at Dan. "I did it!" he crowed, constantly excited to do things right around Dan. "Does that mean you'll let me cut up ingredients tomorrow, or are you going to do the entire job yourself again?" Phil teased. 

Dan rolled his eyes, shoving at Phil's shoulder a bit. "Excuse me, I think I was well within my rights not to trust you around knives just yet. I've seen the damage you can do, and with your magic still spouting randomly sometimes, I figured it was better to keep sharp things away." Dan was mostly teasing, as he showed in his grin, and patted Phil on the head before ducking away to his side of the table again.

Still, Phil  _ had _ cut up the meat pretty efficiently, once he'd got the hang of the movements. He was certainly a fast learner. ...Not that Dan was ever going to admit that aloud in front of him, not when there were so many rife opportunities for teasing.

"If you keep trying, though, maybe I'll let you wash up the cauldrons tomorrow," Dan teased with a smirk. "And then I can promote you to official cleaner." He was joking. One of the advantages of having magic meant there was very little housework that couldn't be done with a click of his fingers - not that Dan was still very good at keeping up with it. More often than not, his flat was a mess.

Phil didn't need to know that, though.

Phil narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Dan, not liking where this was going at all. He knew that Dan was teasing him, but that didn't change the way he felt about it all, glaring at Dan until he coughed up "the truth." 

"Hey!" Phil complained. "For as unpredictable as my magic is, I've gotten pretty good at saving your potions before they get ruined," he protested. "So I must be good at  _ something _ , and besides, how are you ever going to know if I can do it if you don't give me a chance," he pouted. "You already know I can clean. How many of your messes have I cleaned up, now?" he teased, laughing as the tips of Dan's ears went red. It was good to get one up on him for once, and Phil was especially proud of the way he made Dan sputter. 

"I think maybe you should be the one demoted. I could always take over your job, if you like?" Phil said, grinning all the while. 

Dan looked disgruntled. It wasn't  _ his _ fault he was a bit lazy and left messes around for Phil to deal with. Or that Phil had had to save him that time he tripped over with a dangerous plant in his hand that had burned him… or that Dan could be a little careless and clumsy and occasionally Phil had to help him around if he exhausted himself. He couldn't  _ really _ be blamed.

He also didn't really have a defence, though, so he merely grumbled, "How about we both just stick to working together instead." He stood up abruptly, sent their plates flying over towards the sink for washing later, and then stomped on over to the couch (and okay, maybe this was a perfect example of his laziness, but he was  _ not _ going to point that out).

"Anyway," he called back to Phil, "I've had to save your skin a few times, too. I'd say teamwork is safer for both of us." He was smiling as he fiddled with a bookshelf, hunting through for a title he'd meant to give Phil earlier. The first book in that series was here somewhere, he was sure of it.

There was no arguing with that. If it was up to Phil, than teamwork would always be his preference. He just also wanted it to be possible for Dan to do things on his own while Phil took care of his work, in situations where that was possible. It made him smile and laugh to watch Dan pout and storm off, though, and he got up himself to leisurely follow the other man to his sofa, kind of relieved the dishes had been dealt with - kind of - without him tonight. He settled in on one end of the sofa while Dan leant over to his bookcase and shuffled around for a bit, clearly looking for something.

"I like working together," Phil admitted as Dan moved about, watching with fond eyes as Dan searched diligently until he was finally able to come back with the book he'd mentioned earlier - or at least, that's what Phil was assuming he was digging up. He grinned as he took the novel in his hands, fingers stroking over the front cover and it's glossy, pretty image.

"What's it about?" Phil insisted, licking his lips and looking up at Dan rather than reading the inside book jacket. He settled in to hear the story from Dan himself, at least in the hopes Dan could get him just as interested in it as Dan seemed to be himself. 

In searching for the book, Dan finally got impatient enough with the mess of his disordered bookshelf that he clicked his fingers and muttered a summoning spell and there the book appeared, flying out from its place buried under several other hardbacks and settling into his fingers. The spine was bent, and several of the pages were worn and dog-eared from years of use, but it was still readable. Just about.

Dan handed it to Phil, watching as his eyes lit up with interest and he asked what it was about. Now  _ that _ was a question Dan could answer easily, and he settled in place with a large grin. "It's fictional, but basically there's this knight, and his king sends him on a mission to recover a stone from a dragon, only to do that he has to work with this thief that he's been trying to capture for years. And they meet loads of other companions along the way, too, like there's this assassin, I like her a lot, and a farmer's boy, and an escaped princess..."

Dan went on, going into meticulous detail about why he liked his favourite characters and what they're mission was about, and how cleverly the author had interwoven some really key themes about magic and it's proper use and why they as witches had to always be cautious, in case they used too much and damaged their surroundings. He talked and talked until his throat ran dry, and then flushed a bit when he realised how much he'd been going on.

"...So I guess I just really like these books," he finished lamely. "There's fourteen of them in total. Um. Obviously you don't have to read them all, you might not even  _ like _ them. Which is fine. Um." Dan stopped talking before he could make himself any more awkward, and glanced down at the sofa cushions with a sigh. This was why he couldn't have friends, honestly.

Phil wished Dan would get passionate more often. The way his eyes lit up as he talked, and the way his hands moved in an attempt to draw the world for Phil in the air, made Phil feel like he was floating. There was just something so amazing about hearing someone excited and happy and proud of something they loved, enough that they overflowed with the need to share it with someone else. Phil's fingers curled over the novel, playing with the pages as he went, and he watched Dan with keen eyes as he spoke.

The passion was clear. Phil found himself nodding along, intrigued already and desperate to start reading. All of the characters sounded amazing, and the aspect of politics and magic and culture all woven together made Phil want to sink his teeth right in. It felt like the perfect study of the world he was in now, despite knowing it was fiction, because he knew that the stories told in his own world had always been based on some form of fact. Things couldn't be so different down here. 

Phil was smiling by the time Dan seemed to run out of steam, breathing a little laboured from all the talking, and he leant over and just kind of collapsed into Dan's shoulder. He turned his head to look up at his witch, and grinned. "You're cute when you're excited," he said, giggling a bit when Dan turned pink again. "It sounds like a wonderful series. I'm sure I'm going to love it." 

Phil was certain he'd love anything Dan loved, in all reality, but he wasn't going to say that now. Not when it seemed like Dan still wasn't entirely comfortable with that kind of thing. 

Dan was decidedly a little pink, but whether that was because of how much he'd talked, or having Phil call him  _ cute _ , or from the sensation of Phil resting against him again, Dan couldn't really decide. In the end, he decided to ignore all of it, and simply wrapped his arms around Phil and twisted so that he was cradling him against his chest.

Dan pressed his face into Phil's hair to hide, and he could already feel himself relaxing again from just having Phil near. He couldn't believe he'd kicked up such a fuss about this to begin with. He couldn't imagine not wanting Phil close right now, and though he knew it had scared him before, right now he was craving it. He tightened his grip around Phil and breathed him in, warm and happy because he had his familiar in his arms again and it just felt  _ right. _

"I hope you'll like it," he mumbled after a minute, and sighed, pleased to have Phil against him. The day was starting to catch up on him, and Dan could feel tiredness tugging at his eyelids even though he'd often stay up far later than this. Maybe having company did tire him out sooner - not that he was complaining if he got to keep Phil out of it. "I should warn you, though. The customs it's based on are a little...outdated. We should still go to the library to teach you about proper human customs - if you still want to, I mean."

Suddenly, Phil found Dan's arms wrapped around his waist, and his head pressing right over Dan's heart. In Phil's opinion, it was the best position in the world - he could feel Dan's steady heartbeat, found himself reassured that his witch was alive, and felt his heat seeping into Phil's overly cold skin. He truly did miss his fur if only because he wasn't used to being so uncovered all the time, even with Dan's clothing on him. 

Snuggling backwards, Phil closed his eyes. It was nice just to be able to cuddle like this, nice to feel so connected to Dan, and he was never going to get over the fact that Dan seemed suddenly far more comfortable with the whole thing than he had been before. He liked that, liked the openness that was appearing between them, and sighed into the feeling. 

"Mm. I'd love to go to the library," Phil agreed, humming a little. "But even if it is outdated, I'd be happy to learn about it," he reassured Dan. "I want to know everything about your world."

Dan smiled, wrapping his arms tighter around Phil when he felt him snuggling in close. The warm weight of him was a source of great comfort, especially knowing as he did now that there was no pressure to do anything other than sit and cuddle. Dan had his legs either side of Phil's body, and Phil's head was curled on his chest as he sprawled out on his lap reminiscent to how he'd acted as a cat. Dan nuzzled him lightly, unable to help himself. It all just felt  _ right _ , and it made his heart sing to have Phil so close.

"In that case I think you'll definitely enjoy the book," Dan answered with a small smile. "It's based on a past time, when there were knights and kings and courts to attend. Nowadays we keep everything more simple - there were a lot of feuds between magical families, but we live in peace time now. Thankfully. I'd have a lot more work to do if there was a war on."

He held Phil close, cradling him, and closed his eyes. If he could just stay in this moment - if he could trap these feelings so he never had to lose them - then Dan would in a heartbeat. He craved this soft contact in a way he'd never realised before, but now, with Phil against him, Dan wanted to keep it forever. He pressed a kiss to the top of Phil's head. "Are you tired?"

Phil smiled immediately at the sensation of Dan leaning down to kiss him, butterflies and warmth erupting in his stomach. It was just such an adoring gesture, and Phil couldn't get over the fact that Dan wanted to give him that now. He was tired, though, and as Dan asked him, he released a giant yawn that wouldn’t even give him the chance to lie and insist that Dan spend more time with him.

It was a silly request either way. Phil knew that from this day forward, Dan would always make time for him. 

"I guess I am tired," Phil agreed with a small laugh, and rolled a little so he could press his face into Dan's chest for a second. Then, he heaved himself out of Dan's embrace and off of the couch before offering Dan his hand to help him up as well. He was starting to feel a little nervous with the reminder that Dan wanted to share a bed tonight, and he swallowed thickly and cast his gaze away from Dan's. He didn't want to pressure him, and maybe he'd changed his mind...

"Do you still want to share your bed tonight, Dan?" Phil asked quietly. "It's okay if you've changed your mind."

Dan glanced up at Phil, his eyes soft. Phil was always so considerate - still giving Dan a way to opt out if he needed it, always showing Dan that there wasn't any pressure. He was so glad they'd got to this place. At first, when Phil had all but forced himself into Dan's life, Dan hadn't thought he had a choice. Now he knew better. Phil would always give him a choice.

"I'm sure," he answered quietly, and took Phil's hand in his own. He got off the sofa and led Phil into his bedroom, and admittedly, his heart gave a little flutter at the thought of something as intimate as this.

It was Phil, though, and cuddling with Phil had been Dan's favourite thing so far.

"You can change in here," Dan offered, "I have plenty of sleeping clothes in my drawer. I'll… go and change in the bathroom." Before Phil could put up any arguments, Dan was grabbing his own pyjamas and heading for the door again, fixing Phil with a stern stare. "Stay in here. Get comfortable. Don't argue with me, if you can manage that for five minutes." His lips twitched despite himself.

Phil wanted to argue that there was no reason that Dan should have to be the one to leave the room in order to get changed, but Dan was already leaving, having left open a drawer for Phil to riffle through for his own sleepwear, and turning back just to ask him not to argue for five minutes. Phil couldn't help himself, it made him laugh, and he smiled at Dan as the other man left the room. It wasn't his fault that they were both very stubborn people after all, but it was still good. 

After rifling through the drawer Dan had left open for him, Phil picked out a pair of pants that were soft to the touch, and pulled them on, searching for a nice feeling shirt to pull on as well. He craved the warmth of the clothing enough that he didn't start getting changed until he'd picked something out, and by then, he hoped Dan wouldn't walk in until he was done. He'd just gotten one leg in his trousers when he heard the door open, and he yelped as he nearly fell over trying to hide himself.

"Wait, wait!" he begged, blushing and feeling vaguely gross at the idea of Dan seeing him in nothing but the boxers Dan had given him. After righting himself, Phil managed to pull the pants on properly followed immediately by a new shirt, and then, a little breathless, rushed to the door to open it for Dan, whose cheeks were red but who was decidedly  _ not _ looking at Phil. 

Dan only caught a glimpse of pale skin through the door before Phil was crying at him to wait, and as quick as that, Dan had the door shut again and was quickly facing the other way. He tugged at the sleeves of his pyjamas, feeling heat rising to his cheeks, and cursed his impatience. Why hadn't he knocked? He'd thought he'd given Phil enough time, but evidently not. Dan gave a shudder. Hopefully he hadn't made everything all awkward now, or made Phil uncomfortable. That was the last thing Dan wanted to do.

When the door creaked open again, Dan kept his eyes determinedly on the floor, reminded of when Phil had first become human and hadn't been wearing any clothes at all. That image wasn't helping this situation at  _ all, _ though, and Dan firmly put it out of his mind as he turned to Phil.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that!" he quickly reassured, still avoiding looking at Phil. "I'll knock next time. Um. I really am sorry, did I upset you?"

Phil was a little confused that Dan seemed so upset and distressed that he'd almost walked in on Phil before he was ready, but he quickly realised that Dan was just as afraid of making Phil uncomfortable as Phil was of making Dan uncomfortable. He smiled softly and reached out to put his hand on Dan's shoulder.

"No, I'm okay. It's hardly your fault. I'm fine now," Phil reassured his witch, whose heart was far softer than he liked to pretend. It made Phil giggle as he went ahead and pulled Dan into his arms, wrapping long limbs he still didn't fully understand around Dan's body and resting his chin on top of his head. "Stop worrying, you goof," he teased, and kissed the top of his head before pulling away. 

Phil's body was beginning to drag as he led Dan back into the bedroom, and over to the bed. It looked so comfortable that Phil collapsed onto it in seconds, opening up his arms the way he'd seen that Dan seemed to want him to do, and offering him a chance to cuddle Phil. Dan was quick to do so, folding himself into Phil's arms. With a snap of his fingers, the lights were out, and Phil was left sighing happily as he wrapped his arms fully around Dan. 

Really, Dan shouldn't be surprised anymore that Phil seemed to know exactly what he needed to say and do to make Dan feel better. He'd hardly made it inside the bedroom before Phil was wrapping him up in his arms and leading him gently to the bed, taking away any and all worries that Dan still had lingering from earlier. Were they both really ready for this? Were they rushing into something?

But all those thoughts disappeared as soon as Dan was back inside Phil's arms on the bed. He closed his eyes and melted against him, the sensation of Phil wrapping his limbs around him completely relaxing Dan. He'd never been held before, not like this. The sensation had him letting out a happy little sigh, and his head found a resting place in the crook of Phil's shoulder, until he was completely surrounded by his familiar.

Dan's heart sang, and he felt Phil sigh happily back at him, tightening his grip. Dan hooked his own arm around Phil's waist and drew him in, resting his fingers against the soft material of the pyjamas Phil had borrowed. This right here was close to bliss. With the warmth of another body next to him, Dan could feel himself relaxing fully, any and all of his worries slowly drifting to the back of his mind. "I'm so glad I found you," he mumbled into Phil's shoulder, not bothering to open his eyes.

Phil's heart was singing, as was his skin and his body and his mind. Everything was singing. Everything was right in the world. He felt like the luckiest person in the world holding onto the most perfect person in the world, and he grinned as he leaned down to kiss at Dan's head again, hair soft against Phil's lips. "Me too," Phil agreed quietly, and tightened his arm around Dan's body, keeping him close as he felt his witch began to drift to sleep. "Me too, Dan," he said again on a sigh, and smiled as his heart filled with nothing short of love. 

Sleep came easily when Phil was wrapped in the warmth of another body, exhausted as he was from such a long day’s work. He'd done more that day than he'd ever done before, and it left him with a happy feeling in his chest. Everything about his new life just seemed so ... perfect. Almost too good to be true.

**

Everything was wonderful, until it really wasn't.

When Dan fell asleep, he was calm and happy, wrapped up in Phil's arms like it was the best feeling in the world. He wanted to hang onto that feeling - oh, how  _ desperately _ he wished he could hold onto it, so he could keep them both happy and relaxed and together without any more stress or upset. But, as it had happened far too often, when he woke up he could feel all those good feelings slipping away.

Dan couldn't explain it, not really. All he knew was that when he woke, stirring slightly, and felt an arm trapping him in place, he panicked.

Instantly, he tried to sit up, only the warm heavy weight of the arm he knew to be Phil's was holding him in place. Dan shuddered under the touch. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths, and tried to remind himself that this was  _ Phil _ next to him, and he  _ liked _ Phil, liked being close to him. Only, his brain couldn't quite seem to remember that. Instead, he was filled with the deep shuddering knowledge that he needed to get  _ away _ .

It was the feeling of Dan’s fear rising in his chest that woke Phil, and it really shouldn’t have surprised him that everything seemed to feel like it was about to fall apart again when he opened his eyes. The motion was slow, reluctant, because Phil didn’t want to face the pain of having Dan suddenly seem to not want him, but at the same time, he didn’t want to force Dan into anything. 

Glancing beside him the second his eyes were open, Phil peered sleepily at Dan, who was staring back at him, body tense against Phil’s. 

"Dan?" he asked quietly. 

Some of Dan’s panic must have bled through the bond, because it wasn't long after he'd first woken that he heard Phil murmuring his name. Instantly going completely still, Dan swallowed and blinked his eyes open, looking up into Phil's worried gaze. He took a breath, trying to calm himself. He couldn't afford to freak Phil out again, even though Dan's brain was currently stuck on a loop of  _ get out get out get out. _

"I'm fine," Dan said woodenly, and coughed. "I just - um. Could you move your arm?" He already had his body stretched as far away from Phil's as he could, until he was practically hanging off the edge of the bed. As soon as he could, Dan was planning to jump up and sprint out of the room, just to take a moment to calm himself down and get a handle on his thoughts again.

He'd been  _ fine _ with this last night. What the hell was wrong with him?

Dan didn't sound fine. Phil could hear how hollow his voice was, and as he blinked himself properly awake, could see the way Dan looked about ready to fall off the bed in a willing attempt to escape the weight of Phil's body against his. Phil didn't know what was going on, but he did know that the last thing he ever wanted to do was to make Dan feel trapped, and so, without hesitation, he lifted his arm away from his witch's body, and scrambled back and away. 

Dan jumped from the bed so fast, Phil thought he was going to hurt himself, and he watched with sad, wounded eyes as Dan took off out of the room without another word to Phil.

It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't hurt, and yet it did. Phil felt rejected, and small, like he was lost without Dan, and that Dan was regretting every choice that he'd recently made to be close to Phil. His feelings were so strong, Phil could sense the revulsion and the distaste as well as the anxiety and fear, and it made pain twist up in Phil's gut. Why was Dan so suddenly repulsed by him? Had Phil done something wrong?

He couldn't think of anything. As he glanced down at his body, pushing away the covers they'd been buried underneath, Phil confirmed with himself that he was still dressed, and there was nothing strange going on with his anatomy that could explain why Dan had felt the need to run away so quickly. Everything was fine, and yet, to Dan it wasn't. 

Phil's heart hurt, and he sat up with a miserable little whine, wondering how he could have fucked up yet again. 

Dan raced out of the room so fast he didn't look back once to check Phil's expression. He felt like he couldn't breathe until he was safely back in the usual space of his living room, and there he leaned against the wall, burying his face in his hands and trying to calm his panicked breaths. He was alone out here. He had space. No-one was invading his thoughts or his space or his area, and he could be calm and safe again.

Just as he was starting to calm down, Dan heard a pitying whine come from his bedroom, and then he felt the rush of confusion and sadness welling up from Phil's side of the bond. Instantly, Dan winced again. He was torn. Part of him wanted to calm Phil down, wanted to return to him and hold him again just to calm him down, but the larger, louder part of Dan was freaking out about doing  _ anything  _ like that.

Phil was in his bed.  _ Phil was in his bed. _ Someone else had invaded Dan's life, and as much as Dan knew Phil didn't want to hurt him, he couldn't get over the panic that thought induced in him.

Taking another loud, deep breath, Dan gave his head a shake. Time. He just needed some time, and a clear head, and then everything would be fine again. Maybe if he jumped in the shower… and the bathroom door had a lock on it. He'd lock himself away until he got a handle on this, and could fix himself up enough to be a good witch for Phil.

With another slow, determined breath, Dan pushed himself away from the wall and headed straight to the bathroom, locking the door behind him and turning on the shower in an effort to drown out his thoughts, as well as the sadness and panic he was getting echoing back from Phil.

Phil didn't expect Dan to come back, and his witch didn't. Instead, Phil listened as the water in the shower turned on, and then he found himself whimpering again and pressing his face into his hands. His heart ached with sorrow and confusion, and he could feel a little well of panic swelling in him that Dan was going to turn around and regret everything again, but he was trying to stamp it all done. Maybe he didn't know what was wrong with Dan, but he wanted to fix it, and if he'd done something wrong, he would. He just... hoped Dan would explain to him.

It was easier said than done though, and Phil found himself shaking with heartache as he climbed out of bed and attempted to get changed. It was a difficult process when he couldn't seem to stop shivering, though, and so he did what he could, grabbing Dan's duvet off the bed and wrapping himself in it once he was done, hoping that would make it stop. It didn't, and as Phil's thoughts began to consume him, he realised it wasn't a cold coming from the outside, but from within. 

He needed to make a change, and fast. Maybe, if Dan saw Phil as a cat instead, things would feel a little more okay. Dan's emotions were strong and confused, and Phil just wanted to make him better, so he did what Dan had suggested last night, and closed his eyes, picturing himself as a cat. Dan wasn't there to feed Phil any magic, but it didn't seem to matter. He focused on his paws and his tail, the color of his fur, and how it felt to be on all fours without the use of opposable thumbs. He felt his human body began to vibrate in place, and focused harder, eyes scrunched tight, until he felt it begin. 

As before, Phil felt the rush of magic pour through him, causing him to collapse on the floor, and then his body was changing, and this time, Phil could feel it happening. His limbs were shrinking, his bones changing shape, and it didn't hurt, but there was a prickling sensation as he shrunk and turned and suddenly grew far more fur, and then he was opening his eyes and breathing a sigh of relief to find his tiny paws in front of him. He shuddered, sighing, and curled himself into a small, comforting ball under the duvet that had fallen around him. He just hoped this would help Dan when he got out of the shower. 

Dan could sense an odd kind of pull coming from Phil, and a sense of panic and sadness and sorrow, and it was all  _ his _ fault. Just because Dan had freaked out, now Phil was suffering. Why couldn't he just fix this? Why was Dan always the one making mistakes, and screwing things up? Phil deserved someone so much better than him.

Dan turned the shower on almost unbearably hot, trying to cleanse himself of the panic and revulsion that was tugging at him. He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking himself off from Phil as much as he could. Nothing about this was okay, but the last thing Dan wanted was to hurt Phil. Only, it seemed he couldn't go for very long without doing exactly that, and it wasn't  _ fair _ . Dan was trying to be a good witch, he really was, but he just… didn't know what to do when he felt as trapped as he had that morning.

He got out of the shower half an hour later with his skin scrubbed red raw, but he still didn't feel any better. He was calm for having his own space, but nothing felt  _ right. _ He was alone again, which was as he liked it, but then - Phil's sadness and confusion was still tugging at the bond, until Dan felt hollow with it. How could he do this? They were doing fine, until this morning he just… hadn't wanted to be there. He'd been so trapped and overwhelmed by Phil that he'd run, and now he'd spoiled everything again.

When Dan stepped out of the bathroom, he debated what to do until he saw his bedroom door open with no sign of Phil. Had he gone out? Wherever he was, the bedroom seemed empty and safe, so Dan headed quickly in there to find a change of clothes. He paused, frowning when he found his duvet was curled up in a pile on the floor, not on the bed where it should be. He bent down to pick it up, and jumped back with a screech when he realised there was a ball of black fluff sitting underneath it.

He calmed his racing heart when he realised what the ball was - a cat, exactly like Phil had been. And no sign of human Phil anywhere. Had he figured out how to change, then? Dan bit his lip, tugging at the hem of his pyjama shirt, and then he let out a breath. At least if Phil was a cat, he didn't have to freak out about letting another human into his bed again. Maybe they could talk, this way.

"Phil?" Dan asked cautiously, crouching down by the black all of fluff and dropping the duvet again. "Is that you?"

In so many ways, Phil preferred being a cat. In this form, he could sense when Dan enter the room, and felt himself stiffen a little. Part of him hoped that Dan wouldn't notice the duvet on the ground, or pick it up and find Phil. He wanted to hide a little longer, but his wishes didn't come true as Dan picked it up and screeched at what he found there. Phil suddenly wondered if it would have been better for him to hide somewhere else, but didn't move or open his eyes to greet Dan. Instead, he tried to soothe his own heartache so Dan wouldn't have to worry about him. 

"Yes," Phil whispered back, too afraid to even touch the bond right now. "It's me," he reassured Dan, ears pressing flat to the top of his head and tail wound so tight around his body he wondered if he even looked like a cat to Dan right now. It was comforting to be so tightly pressed into himself, but he also couldn't relax because of it, and he found himself staring morosely at his own paws. If he were human, he would be crying, but as it was, he could feel the wet sheen to his eyes that was a cat's version of doing so.

"I can leave," he suggested gently. "So you can get changed," he added, deciding to take matters into his own hands and get up, already trotting from the room with his tail dragging unhappily behind him, tucked up between his legs. 

Dan bit his lip, watching as the sad little ball of black fluff that was apparently Phil disappeared out of the door. He bit his lip, watching, wondering if he should stop Phil. But Phil was already gone. It was more than evident in Phil's behaviour that he was hurting and probably blaming himself for Dan's actions, and Dan groaned, frustrated. He wished there was something he could  _ do _ .

Maybe, if he hid his feelings, then he could somehow remember how good it had felt to be in Phil's arms. Dan  _ had _ enjoyed it, he knew he had. He'd just… temporarily forgotten how good it felt. And hurt Phil in the process.

Trying to shut his thoughts up again, Dan pulled on his clothes and then turned to head out and find Phil again. He paused, though, unsure exactly what to do. The most important thing was for Phil to realise that this wasn't his fault, that he hadn't done anything wrong. That meant Dan had to be a good witch, had to do everything in his power to keep Phil happy.

So he pulled the door open and painted a false smile onto his face, heading out to find Phil curled up on his sofa, his tail still between his legs, his head resting morosely on his front paws. "Hello!" Dan said, much too brightly. "Phil! So I see you're a cat again. You figured it out yourself, huh? You must be happy about that." Dan's hands were tight fists by his sides, but he was determined not to mess this up anymore. He had to be a good witch for Phil, he  _ had  _ to.

There was far too much turmoil broiling in the bond for Phil to take, and so, reluctantly, he tried to shut himself off without completely putting up a shield. He thought that might upset Dan further, though he wasn't sure how, and held himself back by merely filling his mind and the bond with someone entirely different - rushes of calming waves, and the emotions that came with that. Peace. Phil hoped it would help them both as he settled himself up on Dan's sofa, face resting on his paws, and eyes trained on a black TV screen. The book Dan had picked out for Phil to read was still sat on his coffee table, and Phil momentarily desired to read it, but then pushed the thought back, not wanting to make Dan more uncomfortable by invading a perceived privacy. Since Phil didn't know what he'd done to upset Dan, he would avoid anything that might invade his privacy.

It hurt worse when Dan came out of his room pretending to be happy, and Phil felt his heart splinter in two when he was forced to face a false smile and strained eyes. Phil didn't know why Dan was doing this, but he wanted him to stop. His words were just as put upon, and Phil had no idea how Dan could possibly think he was passing for okay. 

Sighing, Phil stood up and gave Dan a piercing look. 

"Stop," he begged. "Just stop. I don't know what I did to upset you, but... but if you need space, I can give you space. You just have to ask," he begged. "Please don't pretend with me. I don't - I don't want this."

Dan wilted as soon as he realised that Phil wasn't buying his pretence. Even worse, Phil was already blaming himself for Dan's behaviour, thinking he'd done something wrong and that was why Dan had suddenly distanced himself. Dan's face crumpled. That was the last thing he'd wanted to happen, because while he didn't fully understand himself, he knew this change was all on him. None of this was Phil's fault. He'd just been landed with a useless witch.

"It's nothing to do with you," Dan snapped a bit more harshly than he meant, and then winced when he realised how that sounded. He let out a breath, closing his eyes so he didn't have to see Phil's face. He was so useless, wasn't he? Why couldn't he get this right? Being a witch with a familiar was supposed to be natural, but Dan never got it right.

"I'm sorry," Dan murmured, opening his eyes but still avoiding Phil's gaze. "It's not - it's really not your fault. There's nothing going on, I promise. I'm fine." His voice was so weak that even Dan didn't believe it.

Phil flinched away from Dan when he snapped at him, curling backwards into the corner of the sofa as he backed up, tail wrapping tight around himself. His eyes were wide, and he nearly wanted to yowl in reply, but he kept quiet, barely just holding himself together. It was difficult to face Dan when Dan looked so angry and upset, and it was clear he didn't want to talk about what was wrong right now. Phil could do his best to let it go, even if it did hurt. 

"It's fine," he managed to get out, though his voice was all choked up. He flicked his mind about for a way to give Dan space, wanting Dan to be okay and not angry at Phil anymore. Maybe they could talk later, but for right now, whether Dan said it was his fault or not, Phil needed to get away for both of their sakes.

That's when it hit him. PJ and Mara. Mara was an old friend of his, someone he had been so happy to see again, and now he had the opportunity to rekindle that relationship with her. Maybe, if Dan needed space, Phil could go about cultivating more friendships so he didn't have to be so clingy. Maybe Dan would like that more. 

"I - I was wondering if it would be okay if I went out without you?" Phil asked, voice small. "Maybe look around, make some friends?"

Dan's face scrunched up when he saw how Phil flinched away from him, his voice growing small and weak. Every inch of him looked like he was terrified. Had Dan actually  _ scared _ him? He was the worst witch in existence. Phil didn't deserve this - Phil deserved better. Dan was amazed he hadn't given up and left already.

So it came as no surprise that Phil suggested he go out. Part of Dan was horrified, because he thought it meant Phil was giving up on him and walking away, even if they were bonded together maybe he knew about some secret loophole to get out of it that he hadn't shared with Dan. Dan wouldn't be surprised. He bit his lip, feeling bad for even thinking that. All Phil had ever done was try and be the best he could for Dan, and Dan had only ever thrown it back in his face.

The other, tiny part of Dan was secretly relieved that he'd get to have some time to himself. Maybe he'd finally be able to sort his mess of a head out, even if he was terrified of losing Phil completely. Dan didn't want that, even in his current panic.

"I think you should do what you like, Phil," Dan agreed quietly. "If you want to go, go ahead. I won't stop you."

It's what Phil had wanted, but the way that Dan phrased it made Phil's heart plummet to his toes, and he couldn't even completely explain why. He just knew that it hurt, and that suddenly, it seemed as if they were both afraid of each other. Phil didn't like it, but he pushed that thought away as he slinked off the sofa, and began to make his way to the front door. 

His ears were pressed tight to his head, body low to the ground as he moved around, and he darted past Dan as fast as he could before vanishing through the front door. He didn't want to give Dan a chance to change his mind, as horrible as that seemed, and truly thought at this point, they both needed a break.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case any of you were wondering why you got an update on Sunday this week rather on Monday, ineverhadmyinternetphase and I have been experiencing extreme bouts of “brain fog” recently (I just typed gof, if that’s not brain fog I don’t know what is), which essentially just means that we’re having difficulties with our memory and thinking straight ([here’s another post about it if you’re curious](http://insanityplaysfics.tumblr.com/post/155588680963/a-new-chapter-isnt-it-sunday-sorry-this-is)). Also, by a happy accident, we’ve officially finished editing and writing the rest of this story!!! So updates have increased to three days a week, which is why - surprise update on wednesday! Thank you to every single one of you who supports us as these chapters go up, and we sincerely hope that you enjoy what’s to come <3

The first place Phil went was down into Dan's shop. It was early, but Phil could hear the sound of someone moving around, and it became quickly clear to him that PJ was already there. Phil perked up at that, just a bit, and made his way through the shop until he came upon PJ, who was humming and rummaging around with the cash drawer, getting ready to start the day. Not wanting to terrify the poor man, Phil jumped up on the front counter and made a small yipping noise.

PJ still jumped, turning to Phil with wide, surprised eyes that quickly relaxed when he took in the sight of Phil.

"You're Phil, right?"

Phil nodded. "Hello, PJ. It's nice to meet you again," he greeted, wishing his voice didn't sound so solemn. PJ frowned at him, but didn't pry, standing up straight and making his way over to Phil. His hand hovered for a second, like he wanted to reach out and touch, but seemed to think better of it at the last minute.

Phil was relieved. He didn't want anyone but Dan touching him, especially not right now, when everything felt turned on its head.

"Are you okay?" PJ asked instead.

Shrugging small shoulders that suddenly felt too small, Phil nodded slowly. "For your purposes, yes," Phil said. "Dan should be down later. I was wondering where Mara was?" Phil asked, unable to hide the hope in his voice. "I mean. If you don't mind telling me. I'd like to spend some time with someone I know, if that's okay."

PJ smiled down at Phil, and nodded. "It's no problem. I'm sure she'd love to see you. She hasn't stopped asking after you. She's not been well enough to come to work with me recently, so she's at home, but here. I'll give you the address and you can meet her there."

**

For some reason, having Phil gone didn't make Dan feel any better.

He'd thought that, once Phil was gone and he had his space back, Dan's head would start to calm down and he'd be able to realise what it was that had sparked this wave of repulsion. But if anything, the opposite was true. Having Phil gone left Dan feeling hollow and empty, like he'd lost something that he never even realised he was missing. There was an ache deep within his bones, pulsing through his veins, and he missed the companionship more than anything.

But it didn't make _sense_. Dan had freaked out about having someone in his life, and then he'd seen the good bits and was just starting to get used to it, only to then go and freak out again. It didn't make _sense._ Dan didn't even understand it - how could he expect Phil to try and understand?

Dan sank slowly down onto the sofa, feeling the small buzz of the bond that had been so open recently recede to the back of his skull. It left a tug of loneliness settling in Dan's mind, and he screwed his face up and tucked his knees into his chest, hiding his face in his arms. How had he ruined this? Things were going so _well_.

In an attempt to understand himself, Dan thought back, trying to pinpoint the exact moment something had shifted. He'd been happy last night, he knew he'd craved being in Phil's arms, but… it was like that had happened to a different person. Dan could remember the good feelings, but he couldn't feel them anymore. Not right now. Right now, the thought of being in Phil's lap sent prickles of revulsion across his skin.

Dan swallowed. He'd been _fine._ He didn't understand this at all, even though he'd felt this way before. When Phil first turned up, Dan had never craved the kind of contact that involved cuddling someone else. Honestly, he'd never even considered it. And the first few times Phil had tried it, Dan had pushed him away. Until something shifted, and then he'd found himself wanting to be close just as much as Phil wanted to be close to him.

Only... this morning, waking up in Phil's arms had sent horrible panic twisting in Dan's gut, like he couldn't breathe, like he was _trapped_. But that wasn't how he'd felt last night. And Phil didn't _want_ to trap him, he always offered Dan a way out.

And Dan hadn't taken it, and he'd freaked out anyway, and now he'd ruined everything.

Dan groaned louder, curling himself up into a ball and trying to push away his thoughts. He wished he could just turn his brain off, because he had a feeling over thinking this was only going to make matters worse.

**

Phil was able to make his way to PJ's flat quite easily after PJ gave him his address, magicking himself about until he was in the right place and he could walk straight through the door, body like mist for a moment as he did so. Upon entering, he sent out a vague greeting in his mind for the raven he knew would be about somewhere, and pranced through the nice looking flat. He felt safer here than he did at home right now, and it made him perk up, his tail flicking out happily, though his ears were still wilting.

 _Phil!?_ an excited voice murmured, echoing through Phil's skull in a different way than it did when Dan talked to him. The sound didn't come from the bond, but through another portion of Phil's mind. It was the only way that familiars could communicate to each other in their own world, and it was a habit to do the same thing in this one. Phil smiled, looking up as he made his way through the apartment.

 _Mara!_ Phil greeted back, tail flicking. _Where are you? I was hoping we could hang out?_ he asked, praying he wasn't pushing any boundaries.

Suddenly, a light flapping sound caught Phil's attention, and he followed it into a small room with a very large bird cage. There was no door on it, but it was like a mini home for the raven that Phil could currently see resting inside of it, huddled up in her own wings. Her glowing eyes peered happily at Phil though, and she fluttered her wings again to reassure him that she was okay.

 _Hey,_ he greeted. _What's happened?_ he asked. _Are you okay?_

 _I'm fine. I was too close to you when your magic went off and you restored the city, so my wings got a little singed, and it's been difficult to fly. I don't like being in my human form away from PJ though, so I decided to just stay home,_ she explained, fluttering her wings a bit.

Phil’s expression fell, and guilt filled him before he could stop it. He wilted a bit, and was just about to apologise when the raven made a loud squawking noise.

 _Don’t you dare apologise, Phil! It wasn’t your fault, and I’m_ fine _,_ she insisted, glaring at Phil with beady eyes. Phil wilted even more, and shook his head, because it wasn’t that easy. Mara seemed to understand that, as she fluttered her wings again before swiftly changing the subject.

_But enough about me. How are you? What’s happened? I can tell that something’s wrong._

The reminder of why Phil was here in the first place hit him again, then, and he sighed as he sat down on Mara’s carpet just under her cage, rolling onto his side and staring up at her with sad eyes.

He wasn’t even sure where to begin, and he hadn’t intended to talk about his problems with his bird friend, but now here they were, and Phil couldn't help himself - so he started to talk.

He didn’t go into very much detail. It felt inappropriate and a little bit terrifying to talk about the way that Dan and Phil had settled into their relationship over the course of the last few months - really, about two weeks, if you only counted the time where they were _actually_ working on building a kind of relationship together, and not just… Dan getting angry at Phil for fucking up every time he tried to come and visit in those first few months.

Phil didn’t know enough about how he was feeling to explain properly anyway, and everything that he’d known in the familiar world was nothing like what he was experiencing here. Afraid that Mara would tell him he was doing things wrong, Phil glossed over those strange differences, explaining to her instead how he and Dan were struggling to find their place in each other’s lives, and how everything had seemed to be going fine right up until that morning, when Dan had jerked away from Phil and acted as though Phil had done something wrong.

The longer Phil spoke, though, the more Mara seemed to grow uncomfortable, as if she didn’t like where the conversation was going, as if it hit too close to home for her or something. Phil watched the subtle changes in her demeanour, the way she seemed to shut down rather than give Phil advice, and felt his heart ache a little for her. Phil suddenly wondered if being in the human world with her witch had been just as a much a struggle for her as it had been for Phil, if the familiar world had actually failed to teach any of them _anything_ right.

Too afraid to push, or go into more detail, or ask Mara about her own experiences, Phil merely trailed off instead, shifting and staring sadly at his paws, because even his friend couldn’t seem to help him.

He didn’t know what she’d been through, but it still kind of hurt to see her clamming up on him for no apparent reason, just as Dan had done to him that morning.

Was Phil just destined to fail at any and all relationships he attempted to form? He didn’t know.

 _I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong, Mara. I just... want him to be happy,_ Phil finished, trailing off completely then.

Mara hummed sympathetically, and ruffled her wings, finally uncurling herself a little and appearing more alert, more understanding. _Maybe he's just not ready for all that you want,_ she suggested. _Try and take it slow?_ she asked, unsure herself, and walking along her perch carefully, as if she were pacing.

Phil could see her mind whirling, could see that she had struggled with something similar, and hope blossomed in him. Her and PJ’s relationship _appeared_ strong. If she’d gotten through it, surely Dan and Phil could too?

So he brightened up and grinned at his friend, finally sitting back up and staring happily at her.

 _You’re right_ , he agreed, _I just need to calm down. We both probably need some time apart right now, it’ll be fine. Did you want to do something?_ he asked, hoping his friend wasn’t planning on kicking him out.

 _Of course!_ Mara piped up immediately, grinning. _I think we need to get your mind off of things. Familiars need friends too, you know,_ she said, and insisted on Phil helping her get the TV on so they could watch something together and Mara could help explain some of the human things she'd learned since finding PJ.

**

The day absolutely inched past for Dan.

For the first few hours without Phil, Dan tried to distract himself. He knew there were activities he could do on his own in the flat - after all, he'd lived alone all his adult life, and he _liked_ it that way. He'd never really felt lonely before, and he'd certainly never pined after a specific person. Dan had always been okay on his own.

So why was it suddenly so difficult?

Dan started off by picking up his favourite book series, the one he'd been going to lend Phil that was still sitting on the coffee table. It didn't matter how often he tried to lose himself in the familiar story, though, because all Dan could think about was what Phil would think of this story when he read it (if he ever even did), or whether Phil's favourite characters would line up with Dan's, or if he would laugh and cry at all the same points that Dan always did.

He gave up after half an hour, frustrated. The book landed back on the coffee table, and Dan went to his desk and pulled out his notebook. If nothing else, he could at least try to be productive in his own time, and there were some equations he'd been neglecting. Only then, sitting down and working made him think of when Phil sat with him and helped him figure out his missing pieces, and then he remembered how that had led to his near-rejection of Phil, and that was _not_ a happy thought.

No. Dan needed a proper distraction.

He went down to the shop after a while, deciding that maybe his usual routine would help him settle in. PJ sent him a worried look, but Dan dodged him, busying himself with customers before PJ could come over. The rhythm of work was an easy one to fall back into, and Dan spent several hours tending to burns and bruises, cuts and scrapes, whipping up his magic where necessary and sorting through their stock of ready-made potions and recipes to sell.

Every few minutes, though, Dan would find himself turning around to ask Phil for his opinion on a recipe, or what he thought would be the best cure for this person's burned arm, only to remember that Phil _wasn't there._ Even their bond had reduced to a near-silent hum.

Every time he remembered his lack of Phil, Dan's focus would slip. He dropped four test tubes, three glass containers, and seven urns, all in the space of three hours. As he cursed the spillage of a brand new potion, Dan announced he was headed to his greenhouse, only for PJ to intervene with a firm grip to Dan's arm.

"You are going upstairs," PJ ordered.

Dan glared at him. "I'm _fine._ "

"Clearly you're not," PJ snorted, "And I'm not letting you go near any potentially poisonous plants right now."

Belatedly, Dan realised PJ was probably right. He allowed himself to be tugged towards his stairs, though he glared with every step.

At the bottom of the stairs, PJ faced Dan with a stern look. "I don't know what's happened between you and Phil, but you need to sort it out."

Dan's eyes widened. "How did you--"

"He came through here earlier. Went to talk to Mara." PJ sent Dan a hard stare. "Don't screw this up, Dan. Please. I care about you, alright?"

Dan swallowed passed a sudden lump in his throat. He nodded once, roughly, and then turned and disappeared back up the stairs before PJ could say anything else damaging. Phil had to come back at some point, right? Dan would be ready for him. He had to make sure he was prepared to fix this mess, and do whatever it took to make Phil happy again. That was all that Phil deserved.

**

Phil learned a lot from Mara, who sat up high on her perch in her birdcage while Phil lounged around on the bed in the middle of the room he was certain PJ was usually in. It smelled mostly like him, but also a little like Mara, and Phil settled in at the very edge in a content little ball of fur. He even managed to purr, happy to have the sound back in his vocabulary. His tail beat against the bed, and he laughed at some of the stranger things that occurred in Mara's favorite TV shows. He was more than a little put out by some of the more intense scenes, but Mara didn't seem to notice, cawing in glee when her favourite characters got together.

Overall, Phil enjoyed his time with Mara, enjoyed learning and seeing and discovering new terms for things that Dan had yet to have the chance to teach him about. He thought he was in fact doing well enough that he might surprise Dan with his new knowledge, and felt hope swelling in his chest at the chance to go home and see how Dan was doing now. He was hoping that the space they'd had apart from each other for the day might have helped Dan to feel more secure or open to talking again, and if he didn't, Phil hoped that he at least would want to cuddle and spend some time together again. For as much as Phil enjoyed Mara's company, and had missed her in the years she'd been gone from him, he missed Dan more.

He could feel the ache for Dan like a phantom limb, and he buried his face in his paws each time he tried to turn and ask Dan about the strange things occurring on TV now. Instead, he had to turn to Mara to ask the question, constantly reminded that he was fighting with Dan and that he'd have to wait until things were better to have this back with his preferred friend. It was good to catch up with Mara, though, and Phil didn’t regret it in the least.

 _You must come see me more often, Phil. Once my wings are better, I'd even be happy to come visit you,_ she said, seeming excited about it. _I do hope things work out with Dan. He's always been a strange man,_ she said, cawing and sounding a little affronted by him. Phil wasn't surprised. Dan didn't seem to like Mara much either.

After promising to come back soon, Phil finally popped back home, landing out in the greenhouse in his search for Dan. A little scared to be in there as a cat, Phil concentrated until he'd turned human once more, and then began to look around. When he didn't find Dan after two rounds, he headed into Dan's shop, surprised to see PJ looking a little harassed and annoyed, casting glances upstairs as if he was worried for Dan. When he caught sight of Phil again, he nodded him upstairs, and Phil did as he was instructed to go to his witch.

He ached for Dan.

Still a little bit scared, Phil knocked on the door rather than just walking right in.

**

Dan spent the afternoon lounging in his flat, forbidden from going back to work with PJ, but unable to enjoy his rare time off. Everything he did tasted like ash. No book could hold his attention for long, and no potion could even lift him out of his thoughts, so in the end Dan simply flicked on the TV for background noise and _thought._

If Phil didn’t come back by tonight, Dan decided to head over to PJ's house to fetch him. He couldn't bear the thought of spending a night alone in his flat, not when already the space felt too large without Phil in it.

But...at the same time, Dan couldn't imagine Phil cuddled up to him in bed, either. Every time he remembered it, his chest tightened until it was hard to breathe, but it felt nothing like the good nervous excitement he was supposed to feel.

No. It felt restricting, and terrifying, and made Dan want to run.

He hadn't felt like this yesterday. Dan was sure of it. Yesterday, he'd _wanted_ to hold Phil, to have him close, and he'd truly meant it when he asked Phil to share the bed with him that night. Only… something had changed between then and this morning, and Phil was the one suffering for it.

Dan had to apologise, he knew, and he had to make Phil see that this wasn't his fault at all. If Phil would even talk to him. Dan groaned, running a palm over his face as he tried and failed to lose himself in the TV.

When the knock at the door sounded, Dan jolted instantly upright. Every fibre of his being lit up in the hope that this would be Phil, but he tried to clamp that down. This could just as easily be PJ come to check on him.

Dan made his way to the door in a hurried flurry, almost tripping over the coffee table when he stood up too quickly, and wrenched the door open. Phil was standing outside. Actual, human Phil, in his human body, not the cat form he'd taken earlier.

Dan blinked, his surprise showing through without him meaning it to. He'd been expecting Phil as a cat, pictured stroking his fur as he tried to explain what was going on in his head. But if Phil had human arms that could hold him back… that sent fear swooping in his stomach again.

Still, Dan stepped aside quickly, gesturing for Phil to come in as he said, "Phil! I'm so glad you're home." And it was true, even if Dan's hands were trembling with nerves. Even being back in the same room was helping to calm the dull ache that had accompanied him all day.

When Dan answered the door, Phil could see the surprise on his face, the fear flashing in his eyes, and suddenly it was like that morning all over again - false cheer, and Dan trying too hard to avoid hurting Phil's feelings. Phil suddenly wished he was a cat again, but in his nervousness and fear of Dan, he was too terrified to be intimate by changing forms in front of Dan, the way he'd hadn't cared about doing so beforehand.

Swallowing roughly, Phil carefully made his way inside Dan's home - he couldn't even think of it as his own just then.

Mouth set in a hard frown, Phil miserably made his way to the sofa, and sat down gingerly on the very end.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm home," he agreed lightly, head bowed and long fringe covering his eyes. He could feel Dan settling down at the other end of the sofa, and tried not to let that hurt.

The bond felt wide open between them again. Phil could feel Dan's anxiety and nervousness, ached to reach over and tug Dan into a hug to reassure him. Instead, he turned to glance at Dan, and this time really did whimper, his heart breaking at the way Dan seemed to be flinching away from Phil. In a desperate attempt to make things alright again, Phil reached over and pressed his palm over Dan's hand only for Dan to flinch so violently, he practically slapped Phil.

Phil shot up in an instant, then, making a small, petrified mewling sound before he was rushing off in an attempt to find a safe corner of the room to hide in. He rushed backwards, gaze half on Dan, half behind him as he tried to get away, terrified that he was going to do something wrong again and Dan might hurt him. His back collided with a wall, and Phil sunk down, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face there.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried.

It was heartbreaking, utterly heartbreaking, to see Phil backing away from Dan like that, so desperate to get away. Dan floundered, confused and horrified that he'd made Phil feel like that. He'd made Phil _afraid_ of him, because that's all that was pulsing through their bond right now - fear and pain, fear that Dan was going to _hurt_ him.

"No, no, no," Dan cried desperately, torn apart from the terrified whining sound that Phil had made. "No, I won't hurt you, Phil, I promised never again! Sh, sh, it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you." Dan put his hands up quickly, and crouched down so he was level with where Phil had curled up in a corner, though he left plenty of space between them.

Phil had only been trying to fix things, but Dan couldn't bear to be touched just then. His skin was still crawling, but it wasn't _Phil's_ fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It just… was.

"Phil, please, listen to me," Dan begged, his throat catching, and he kept his eyes trained on Phil even though his heart broke at the fear and pain written there. "Phil, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just - I want you around, I want you near me, just… not like _that._ " His nose wrinkled, and he squeezed his eyes closed, trying desperately to explain. "I wanted it last night, but today I just… I don't know why, but I _can't._ I can't make myself want to hold you again and I don't know _why_. You didn't do anything. I'm just… I don't know what's wrong with me," he finished miserably, and opened his eyes to meet Phil's gaze again.

Dan's voice was desperate as he moved to try and comfort Phil, crouching down at Phil's level a few feet away from him. Terrified as he was, Phil whimpered and drew his feet, his legs, closer to his body, hiding away in the dark cavern his knees and arms had created. "You don't want me anymore," he whined, practically begging for Dan to say Phil was wrong.

He couldn't even care about the fact that Dan had practically hit him, nor could he consider the fact that he was terrified Dan might do it again in a fit of rage. He was too busy drowning in the terror that Dan already regretted having accepted Phil into his life. He was half planning a trip far, far away, left wandering alone until he merely fizzled out of existence the way the wrong familiar might do when he bonded on the wrong witch, and half begging Dan to tell him everything was okay, all while Dan continued speaking, his voice low and frantic and _desperate_.

Slowly, Phil lifted his head, peering out at Dan from the top of his arms. His witch sounded like he was about to cry, like he was in just as much confused pain as Phil was, and like it was breaking his heart to be hurting Phil at all. Phil's mouth quivered, and he felt it as the tears spilled down his cheeks, but he didn't know what to _say_. How could someone just... not want something anymore when they'd wanted it less than eight hours before? Phil didn't understand, but he _ached_ to, and he was clinging to Dan's promise that none of this was Phil's fault. He choked on a small whine, a small sob, and nearly got up to climb into Dan's arms, but Dan flinched away again, and Phil sagged back into the wall, closing his eyes against his own pain.

"I just - I just want you to _hold_ me," Phil begged, even as he knew it wasn't fair. He flinched away from Dan as he moved closer this time, and shook his head. "Don't touch me," he said, and closed his eyes again. "I don't - I don't want you upset. Please. I'm sorry. I don't want to be selfish, I just - it hurts and I don't - I don't understand."

There was a strange mix of relief and rejection when Phil flinched away from Dan's attempt to comfort him, which Dan knew was entirely unfair on his part. He was the one freaking out about this, and Phil was just doing his best to accommodate Dan, even when Dan had been so horrible and rude to him right from the start of the day. But he didn't _mean_ to. Dan had been trying to pretend he was okay for Phil's sake, so that he could just wait this weirdness out and hope he got back to liking cuddles again, but Phil had seen right through him.

"I'm sorry," Dan tried, his voice breaking again. He sat miserably on the floor, still too far away from Phil, and sniffed. It was weird, because he missed holding Phil, wished more than anything to reach out and hold him, but his skin crawled again at the thought, and Dan screwed his face up, feeling tears threatening to spill. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he get anything right with Phil?

"I want you, Phil, of _course_ I do," Dan tried again to explain, his head a confused welter of emotion. "I've been pining after you all day. I want you here, so _much_ , of course I do, Phil, I _love_ you." He bit his lip quickly, but the words escaped anyway. He hadn't meant to first say those words in a situation like this, but he was so full with the emotion and with no other way to express it that the words had just slipped out.

"I love you," he said again, quietly, staring down at the floor. "I _do_. It's just… sometimes I want to show it by hugging you and holding you, like yesterday. But then… then there are times like this when I… just _don't_. I still feel exactly the same about you, it's just like… like I can't express it that way anymore." Dan sniffed loudly and drew in a shaky breath.

"Why can't I do it? I never, _ever_ want to hurt you, and this is hurting you, why can't I just… fix it? I don't understand," he confessed, still staring at the floor.

Dan loved him. Dan _loved_ him.

Phil's eyes went wide, and despite the tears rolling down his cheeks, he found himself beginning to smile a little, staring at Dan with a newfound hope and respect. Phil had known that Dan loved him, of course he had - he could _feel_ it. But it was an entirely different thing to have Dan say it aloud for the first time, and it was making Phil's stomach do those little flippy things, and it was the best feeling in the world. He wished he could reach out and touch Dan, pull him in and pepper his face in happy kisses, but he knew he couldn't. Not now.

He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Dan had been pining after him, but he could feel it, now that his own emotions weren’t so out of control and all over the place anymore. He could feel Dan's despair, and how he'd been waiting for Phil to come home all day. Some of the moroseness in Phil left him, then, and he just watched Dan while he tried to take in his words.

The last thing Phil had wanted to do was cause Dan to fall apart himself, hating himself for something it seemed he couldn't quite control. Frowning again, Phil uncurled his body, but didn't approach Dan. "I love you, too," he whispered. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to help, but he was shoving the part of him that ached to be held to the back of his mind so he could be there for Dan instead. "I'm sorry. Please - please don't cry," he begged. He could see Dan wiping at his eyes, sniffling as he avoiding Phil's gaze, and he just... didn't want that for Dan.

"It's okay, Dan, it's not - it's not your fault. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out," Phil begged, biting his lips nervously again as Dan looked back up at him. "If this is a thing for you, that's okay," he insisted, despite having just made Dan feel as if it was not. "I just - I just need to... understand you, that's all," he added. "I can... I can be okay with that if I understand. I just - I just... I thought you were regretting me," he insisted, and found himself crying all over again.

Dan took in a deep, shuddering breath, relief swarming over him. Hearing Phil say that he loved Dan, too, was enough to calm him down a bit, even as he still swam through a confused mess of emotion. He had no idea how they were going to resolve this, but - but at least Phil was still here? That had to mean something. He hadn't walked out on Dan, despite the mess that Dan's life honestly was.

At Phil's last words, Dan's head shot up and he grasped for Phil's hand, holding it carefully without tugging him closer. "I don't regret you," Dan promised instantly, his voice firm despite the crackle of his crying. "Phil, I would _never_ regret you. This is nothing you've done, you hear me? You're amazing, you've been amazing." He rubbed his thumb against Phil's palm, gently, knowing this was a soft enough touch, distant enough not to spark off the panic in his chest again.

If Phil wanted to understand, then… then maybe Dan could try to explain it. He settled cross-legged on the floor and let out a sigh, still holding tight to Phil's hand. "Honestly, I… I don't really get it myself. Sometimes I think about hugging you, or holding you, or having your arms around me, and it's all I want. I was like that yesterday. I meant every single thing I said, Phil, you have to believe that," Dan implored, looking at him with wide eyes.

He bit his lip, glancing down at the floor again. "It's… hard to explain. I don't know _why_ , I just know that sometimes… sometimes being that close to someone, it makes me feel trapped. Panicked. I panic, like I did this morning, but it isn't _your_ fault. I think I've always been this way. Like, when you first showed up? When you were a cat?" Dan bit his lip. "Sometimes I would have you in my lap, and it was great. But sometimes I kept my distance. I thought it was just because I wasn't ready, but… but I think maybe I just go through phases?" Dan shrugged unhappily. "I don't know why. I don't know how to fix it, Phil. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I want to be a good witch for you. I… I care about you, Phil."

Phil was so, so careful. When Dan reached out and grabbed his hand, he didn't react - he didn't flinch, or ask for more, or even hold Dan back. He just... let Dan take what he needed to take, terrified he was going to do something wrong and Dan might react physically violently again. Phil knew Dan wasn't a violent person. He could see all of his soul if he wanted too, _had_ seen all of his soul on one occasion, and knew beyond a doubt that Dan would hate himself for hurting Phil anymore than he already had. Thinking clearly now, he knew that Dan would never hurt him, but he also understood that whatever was going on, it was making Dan react in ways he wouldn't normally.

It felt nice to have Dan stroking his fingers over Phil's hand, though, and he enjoyed the touch enough that he was able to keep completely still, just watching the way Dan tried to reassure him and promise him that he'd meant all he'd said last night, when Phil had thought everything was going to be okay. It still was, he was determined for it to be okay, and he was going to fix this if it was the last thing he did.

"I believe you," Phil promised Dan, reassuring and comforting as best as he could.

It was a lot to take in, Dan's explanation, but Phil was doing his damn best, trying to wrap his head around the idea that sometimes, being close to Phil made Dan unhappy, uncomfortable, and other times, it made him feel _good_. Phil knew what Dan was getting at. He'd felt the good, happy, warm feeling that had filled Dan when Phil touched him, knew that Dan wasn't lying and that yesterday he had been okay with Phil touching him, and then he remembered the fear and panic from this morning, and finally, it clicked. Phil really hadn't done anything wrong. Dan just... Dan just needed space sometimes. Phil could give him space.

His eyes went wide as Dan said he wanted to be a good witch for Phil, and he felt his heart break, fingers twitching in Dan's palm.

"You are a good witch," Phil murmured. "Dan," he urged, trying to make him look up at Phil. "Dan, you _are_ a good witch. You are everything to me, you've given me everything. You're allowed to have needs, too. Our needs aren't always going to add up. That's _okay_ ," he stressed, thinking back to what Mara had said that afternoon, before Phil had left, about how sometimes, both the familiar and the witch needed time apart, or didn't crave the same things. Unlike how Phil had grown up, he was learning that his needs mattered too, and that it took more than just his witch to give him everything.

People's emotions, Phil's included, weren't always peachy. Things wouldn’t always be _good._

"You're a good witch regardless of if you hurt me sometimes. We're going to hurt each other sometimes. But this? This is okay. It doesn't hurt so much now that I understand it's not _me_." Phil bit his lip, wishing he could go to Dan, but holding himself back despite how much he wanted a hug. He could have a hug when it wouldn't lead to Dan feeling pressured and _trapped._

"Why - why don't I feel like that?" Phil asked. "I'm meant to be just like you. I... maybe I'll understand when it happens to me?" he asked, considering. For a moment, he wondered if it ever would, and then, as if something had clicked inside of him, he realized that it would. If it happened to Dan with no rhyme or reason, then he was sure it would happen to him that way as well. There was no doubt in Phil’s mind that there would come a time when he would understand exactly how Dan was feeling, because Phil had always experienced things just the same way as Dan did.

Dan looked like he was about open his mouth, frowning like he was about to disagree, so Phil cut him off before he could. "It’s gonna happen to me, Dan. I know it will. I was made from _you_. I was made to fit you perfectly. If there are times when you don't want to be touched... surely there will be times when I don't want that either. Let's just... take it one day at a time, one problem at a time. How can I be there for you when you feel like this?"

Dan had never been more grateful for Phil than when he simply sat still, not pushing anything onto Dan no matter that Dan could feel through the bond how much Phil wanted to move towards him, to seek physical reassurance that Dan couldn't give him right now without panicking. He'd never been more grateful, because Phil was letting Dan take his time and take things at his pace, and Dan's heart burst with affection for him then.

He listened as Phil explained, and thought he understood. Witches and familiars were literally made for each other, made _from_ each other. Their personalities were designed to match up, so if Dan felt like this… then Phil must feel like it too - at some point. Dan vowed that if should that happen, he'd make a point to be understanding, just like Phil was being with him. Phil still thought he was a good witch, even despite everything that had happened, despite everything he'd done. Dan could still be enough, even like this. That was… incredible, honestly.

"I still want to be with you, even like this," Dan confessed quietly. "And I want you to be happy and comfortable. I never want to hurt you, Phil, not _ever_. I know you said you believed me and that's really important, but you have to tell me if I do something that hurts you." The memory of Phil flinching away in fear still stung like a fresh wound, and Dan was determined never to let that happen again.

Phil hadn't realised just how much he needed to hear that Dan still wanted to be with him, still wanted to have him around, even when he couldn't bear to be touched, until he'd said the words, sending heat and happiness in equal measure through Phil. Phil's lips quirked happily again, and he felt his heart soar as he looked at Dan.

"I promise," Phil said. "I promise to always tell you when you hurt me. But it's not always going to be your fault. We're both... human. We'll make mistakes," Phil tried to explain. He didn't want Dan to carry around all this guilt and pressure to never do anything wrong when it was normal for both of them to do things that might upset the other. It was a part of life, and it didn't matter so much if they worked together to make it better. "As long as we always make it right, it's okay to get angry or to possibly hurt each other, Dan," he explained.

Dan bit his lip, tempted to argue, but he knew that Phil was right. It was natural for people to hurt each other by accident, and sometimes they would have fights and disagreements and it would take time to sort them out. As long as they were honest with each other, though, Dan thought they could work everything out. Dan had to stop panicking about these things and start talking to Phil. Phil would listen, after all.

Eventually, Dan sat back, and he glanced around, still keeping Phil's hand in his. "Let's just - we could sit on the couch? Tell me about your day. I want to know how you are - PJ said you went to see the raven?" Dan tried to ignore the small flare of jealousy that thought made rise in him, instead getting to his feet with a gentle tug on Phil's hand, leading him carefully to the sofa. "And you figured out how to become a cat? How did you do that?"

Eventually, Dan was leading Phil up and over to the couch, settling them both down carefully, and asking so many questions about Phil's day that Phil was finally beginning to understand just how much Dan had not liked Phil being so far away. It made him smile, and laugh, unable to help enjoying the fact that Dan didn't like not knowing every part of Phil's day.

"I went to visit Mara, yes. She... she helped me to understand that things aren't as they taught as back home,” he explained, though she hadn’t said as much. Her reactions to Phil’s problems had shown him that she was encountering the same misunderstandings though, which had been reassuring. “She helped me understand that a familiar’s life with their witch is all about compromise, as well, and she told me to just give you some time,” he said.

“We watched some movies and TV shows that taught me about human culture. It was fun,” he added, wanting to say it wasn’t as fun as it would have been with Dan, but not wanting Dan to feel pressured or anything like that. Phil would always be willing to give Dan space.

“Mara’s wings got burnt from our magic, so that’s why she hasn’t been around much lately. She was too close to our magic when we fixed everything, and she can't fly well right now, so she's been staying at home. I think she misses PJ when he's gone," Phil said. "I missed you, too," he added, so Dan wouldn't think that Phil didn’t feel exactly the same. "I thought of you all day. I just... wanted to give you space."

He perked up again as Dan mentioned how Phil had figured out how to go back and forth between his forms, and nodded his head eagerly. "I just did what you said. I pictured myself as a cat, and I just - let my magic work by instinct. Like a muscle being stretched," he said, giggling. "Thank you for teaching me how to become myself again. I missed it,"

Dan settled himself into the sofa, listening as Phil started talking about his day. He was glad Phil had enjoyed himself, despite the slight modicum of jealousy that Dan might feel. _He_ could have watched TV with Phil and taught him about human culture, too. Still, at least Phil had missed him. Dan was a bad person, but that made him feel a little better. He needed to stop being so possessive of Phil, even if part of him wanted to keep Phil all to himself forever. Dan just… liked Phil's company, that was all.

"Sounds like you had a good day, though I admit, I missed you too," Dan answered with a soft smile. He'd kept his hand linked in Phil's, but that was the only part of them touching on the sofa, and Dan finally felt like he could breathe again. There was nothing trapping him. Phil wasn't going to push him. It was… alright that he felt like this, miraculously.

He turned to Phil, pricking up with interest when he mentioned that Dan's idea for turning back into a cat had worked. He gave Phil's hand a squeeze. "That's great! It was nice to see your fur again. You're so much softer in that form." Dan's lip twitched, and he surveyed Phil, noting the tear stains on his cheeks. Dan grimaced. He hadn't meant to do that, so, carefully, he reached up with his free hand and thumbed them away.

"You can be a cat if you're more comfortable," Dan said softly, retracting his hand again. "I don't… I don't want to stop you. I just want you happy. However that will be. And it's brilliant if you can switch forms whenever you want now."

Phil was biting his lips as Dan reached up to stroke the tear stains from his cheeks away, the pad of his thumb soft and comforting against Phil's skin. He stayed completely still, however, not wanting to frighten Dan no matter how badly he wanted to lean into the touch. His eyes slipped closed, though, just soaking in the comfort of that touch, soaking in the reassurance that Dan still loved him.

Dan still loved him. Phil would be okay. They could get through days like this. Phil would never pressure Dan for anything more than he could give him. Besides, Dan had already agreed to Phil's limitations - he still shuddered at the mental image of people touching _like that._ He didn't like it, felt more than just a little repulsed by it, and while he knew that Dan agreed, was relieved that Dan had never fought to push him for more. Phil would never push Dan, either.

"I don't know how I'm more comfortable," Phil admitted softly. "But I think, right now... I'd be happier as a cat," he agreed, blushing a little as he considered the change. "I uhm. I don't know what it will look like to you when - but uhm. Is it okay if I change here?" he asked. He'd spent enough time away from Dan, he didn't really want to leave now. "I'm happy in both forms, now that I'm accustomed to this one, but... I think right now, I'd feel safer as a cat."

Dan looked up, his eyes narrowing a bit. What exactly did Phil mean by not knowing how he would look while changing? Dan frowned, mulling that over, until his eyes popped wide. Of course. Phil had been naked the first time he became human, maybe his clothes would just disappear when he was transforming again? Dan swallowed. He didn't want to make Phil uncomfortable, but Phil was asking to change here.

"Of course you can," Dan agreed quickly, flashing Phil a quick look. "I can - I can turn around if you're worried about _that_." He hoped Phil knew that Dan would never look if Phil didn't want him to, besides the fact that Dan didn't really have any desire to look. He wanted Phil near, though, and was pleased that Phil didn't want to leave him alone either.

"It might be easier when you're a cat for me, too," Dan confessed quietly, hoping he wouldn't offend Phil. But if Phil wanted to be a cat - well, it might be more natural for the both of them. After all, touching a cat didn't carry all the weird connotations that touching another human did, and Dan thought his sudden onset of revulsion might not carry across to an animal form. Besides, he'd kind of missed Phil's purring.

The second Dan reassured Phil that he could change in front of Dan, without having to leave the room, he was relaxing. It made it all the better to hear that Dan wanted to turn around, that he was _willing_ to do so in order to give Phil that bit of privacy he needed, wanted, _craved_ while also not forcing Phil to leave Dan's side. He really truly didn't know what it would look like when he changed, if he'd be naked in front of Dan, or worse, if his soul would be exposed in a visible and much more intimate way than when Dan felt it through the bond, and he was grateful to know that Dan was not going to push that.

"Thank you," he murmured, blushing. "I - I would appreciate it if you turned around," Phil agreed, wondering if Dan knew exactly what Phil was afraid would be exposed should Dan watch his magic work through his body. Dan nodded easily, though, and turned his back on Phil, waiting patiently with his hands in his lap. Phil inhaled deeply, but didn't have a second to change before Dan was speaking again.

His lips quirked on the admission, and he ached to reach out and touch Dan's shoulder in reassurance, but he didn't. "I know. I thought... I thought it might be good for both of us. I thought... you might prefer me as a cat right now," he whispered, and then he was closing his eyes and concentrating. He could feel it as the magic crawled over him again, felt it as the change began, and winced a little at the feeling of his magic being stretched so suddenly again. Clearly, changing twice in less than an hour was not the best option for future reference then, but it wasn't unbearable as his body contorted and shrunk until he was opening his eyes as a cat once again. He stood up with a quiet meow to alert Dan it was safe now, and shook himself, fur puffing up. Phil lifted his paw to lick at it and smooth over his ear, and felt a rush of happiness that he could do that again.

"Oh, this is nice," he admitted, actually feeling happy rather than upset and able to enjoy his feline form fully this time.

Dan's lips twitched at the idea of Phil changing partly to make Dan happy. He knew Phil enjoyed being a cat, too, or Dan would be complaining that Phil didn't always need to be changing himself just to suit Dan's needs. Still, if both their desires added up at the moment, then Dan wasn't going to complain.

He obediently kept his back turned, even though he was tempted to turn and see the magic at work. He could feel the strength of it burning at his back. No wonder PJ's raven had been burned by standing too close to their magic - Dan made a mental note to apologise to PJ about that, later. Dan had a lot to apologise to PJ about.

At the sound of a meow, Dan instantly turned around, and there sat the black fluffy shape that had first invaded Dan's life. Dan was grinning before he noticed it, especially as Phil sounded so much more content already. "I'm tempted to argue and say that being a human is much better," Dan teased, trying to lighten the mood a little, "But… I admit, you're kind of cute like that."

Dan patted the sofa beside him invitingly, settling back. He watched those bright blue eyes in the black cat's face that told him without denial that this was still definitely _Phil._ Besides, their bond was still buzzing away happily, much to Dan's pleasure.

Phil rolled his eyes good naturedly, tail swaying slowly across the part of the sofa his human body had been pressed against earlier. Dan was never going to let the whole human thing go, was he?

"There are some things that require a cat to do," Phil huffed, settling down to press his face to his paws. His limbs trembled as Dan patted the space next to him, though, and before he could reconsider it, his mind was screaming _go to him,_ and he was lifting his body to make his way to Dan's side. Instantly, he was curling up against Dan's thigh, back to Dan as he pressed his face on top of his paws again.

Dan's hand came down to rest gently in his fur, and Phil practically melted, instantly beginning to purr as his body relaxed and his breathing evened out. He'd forgotten how amazing it was to have Dan's fingers carding over his fur, how amazing it was to feel small and soft and _secure_. There was something about being a cat that relaxed Phil, made him feel safe, and his eyes half closed as Dan stroked his fingers over him.

There was truly nowhere he'd rather be.

Dan couldn't suppress his smile when Phil melted into the cushions next to him. He'd missed the soft sensation of fur beneath his fingers, missed how Phil was small and funny and really quite adorable like this. His ears twitched, and his tail waved, and his paws fit perfectly tucked under his chin as he curled up in a ball by Dan's leg.

Dan ran his fingers gently over Phil's back, watching the fur smooth under his touch as Phil purred loudly. He grinned. "Now there's a sound I've missed." To tease it out even further, Dan moved his hand up to Phil's head, scratching at the spot just behind his ear that he remembered Phil having a fondness for before.

Predictably, Phil's purring only increased. Dan chuckled a little, concentrating his petting there and looking quite delighted with himself. "Maybe being a cat isn't quite so bad, then. Much as being human is useful, I think I'd miss your purring if you never changed back."

It wasn't fair. Dan wasn't playing fair. It was obvious he liked the sound of Phil's purr, and Phil was happy to give it to him, but he couldn't contain himself when Dan was scratching behind his ear in that spot that he liked more than anything. Automatically, the sound erupted more abruptly from Phil, and he couldn't even control it, body trying to encourage Dan to keep scratching him _right there_. He tilted his head into Dan's touch, and started to lead him where he wanted him to go, trying to get all the spots he'd missed having scratched as Dan laughed behind him.

It got to the point where Phil had to stand up, arching his back into Dan's fingers, and practically melting again at the sensation of Dan's fingernails digging in right where he wanted them, until finally, Dan was pressing his nails in just above Phil's tail. At that point, Phil could feel himself drooling, his purring so loud he thought the neighbors could hear it, and his eyes were half lidded as Dan practically worshipped his body. It felt so good to be scratched, to be petted, to be taken care of and loved without reservation. If this was the way to fix Dan's dislike of touching Phil when Phil needed it, then he could live with that.

Finally, Phil settled back down next to Dan's thigh, all curled up with his back to Dan again, and began to nap.

 _Love you,_ he whispered into Dan's mind. _Missed you,_ he added, because he could feel that Dan needed to know that.

Dan was holding back his laughter as best he could, though a few chuckles escaped through the cracks. He couldn't help it. Phil was so cute as he all but pushed himself into Dan's fingers, and Dan quite happily scratched at his fur, paying particular attention to whichever spots Phil guided him to and grinning when they made Phil purr even louder.

He sighed at the whispered words into his mind. He hadn't quite realised how much he needed to hear that until Phil was telling him. He was loved, and missed, despite everything, and hearing it in that special way through their secret bond only made it that much sweeter.

Dan responded by suddenly reaching out and scooping Phil up into his lap. He held him there, gently, his hands so large they wrapped all the way around Phil's slim black body. _I know,_ he answered in his mind, gentle fingers holding Phil carefully, giving him enough freedom to leave if he wanted. _Love you too. I'm sorry for today._

Oh. Phil liked the way that felt, having Dan suddenly reaching for him and scooping him into his arms, cradling him gently in his lap while he spoke through the bond. He closed his eyes and lay there, sagging into Dan's grip, and grinned. He could still feel himself drooling, and felt kind of bad when it dripped onto Dan's skin, but was too lazy to move let alone make himself comfortable. He'd rather have Dan holding him like this anyway, his legs and little paws twitching as he really started to nap, resting his face against Dan's tummy. He felt like a rag doll, but Dan didn't seem to mind, and with the reassurance that everything really was going to be okay, Phil allowed himself to go into that deep sleep that cats so rarely did.

It only seemed natural, really, to cuddle Phil once he'd fallen asleep. After all, he was _warm_ , and incredibly comforting against Dan's lap. But Phil was curled up a little bit awkwardly, so Dan lifted him gently up to his chest, sliding down until he was lying horizontally on his couch with his long legs hanging off the end.

Once Phil was re-situated against Dan's chest, Dan nuzzled his chin against Phil's fur and closed his eyes, joining him in a nap. He left one hand curled over Phil's back, his other resting lightly on his stomach. For the first time that day, his brain was completely calm.

**

Phil woke up ages later now cradled on Dan's chest. His witch was still laying on the couch, with his neck at an awkward angle, and Phil's fur pressed up under his chin, almost like Dan had needed the reassurance of Phil's body heat pressed all over him and had purposefully moved him to lounge across his chest. Phil stretched, nails catching on Dan's t-shirt, and then relaxed again as he stood up. Dan couldn't sleep like this. What had he been thinking?

Even filled with warmth as he was to have found himself laying on Dan like that, Phil had to shake it from his mind and force himself to wake Dan up.

 _Dan,_ he nudged. "Dan," he repeated aloud, and leaned down to lick at Dan's face. "Dan," he whined, nuzzling Dan's nose with his own wet one. _You can't sleep like this. Your neck is going to hurt._

Dan’s calm did not last nearly long enough. It felt like mere minutes after he’d closed his eyes that there was a warm, rough tongue running over his cheek and words nudging at his mind. Dan groaned, his face scrunching up, and he half-heartedly tried to twist away from Phil.

"Shush. Lemme sleep," he mumbled, screwing his eyes shut, but the tongue didn't stop, and nor did the voice. Eventually, Dan opened his eyes to see both of Phil's bright blue eyes hovering over him. Dan sighed, his hand lifting to scratch at the base of Phil's tail where he'd seemed to enjoy before. "What? Am I not a comfortable enough pillow for you?"

Phil's heart filled with warmth immediately, and he began to purr again as Dan immediately went for his sweet spots all over again. He arched his bum into Dan's touch, and pouted at the same time as his tongue lolled out a little in enjoyment. He couldn't seem to help how much he loved having Dan scratching at him, nor could he seem to help how much he seemed to love being touched and held with affection.

 _You're the best pillow_ , Phil reassured him, going back to licking at his face, nudged his chin because Dan had closed his eyes again. _But your neck is going to hurt. I don't want you to hurt,_ he insisted, and pressed his face up against the bottom of Dan's chin, pushing up in an attempt to rouse him or at least get him to move his neck so it wasn't pressing over the edge of the sofa arm like that.

 _Come ON_ , he complained, and nuzzled up under Dan's neck again, licking there as well for good measure.

Okay, so licking at Dan's neck was most _definitely_ not allowed. Up until then, Dan had been able to ignore Phil's attempts at rousing him, far too tired and comfortable to even think about moving - at least up until Phil's rough little tongue had found his neck, and then Dan’s entire body was wracked with a shock of pleasure. His eyes flew open, and he sat straight up, only to melt a bit under Phil's touch.

So that was a thing. Apparently his neck was sensitive. Dan hadn't known that before.

"Alright, _fine_ ," Dan huffed, reaching out to scoop Phil back into his arms. "You want me to move? I'm moving,” he grumbled, swinging his legs onto the floor and pausing for a moment as his head swam, letting his blood settle back into place. He cradled Phil against his chest, adding, "But I hope you know you're coming with me."

With that said, Dan got to his feet and made his way slowly over towards his bedroom. His duvet was still on the floor, so Dan deposited Phil onto his pillow, giving him a pat, before bending down to retrieve his blankets. He turned to Phil, tilting his head. "...I'm assuming you're okay with this? I promise I won't freak out in the morning, not if you're still a cat."

Dan sat up so abruptly that he nearly dislodged Phil, who immediately dug his nails into his shirt and pressed his face into Dan's neck out of fear of watching himself fall. His entire body had gone tense, and his fur was standing up on it's ends, but then Dan collapsed backwards a bit, seeming to melt under Phil's touch, and they were both laying down again. Phil much preferred this, and held back his noise of distress at being nearly dislodged like that out of sheer will.

And he still really liked it when Dan scooped him up in his arms. This was the benefit of being far smaller and more compact than Dan. Dan could so easily carry him in his arms and move him around. It was wonderfully nice to be surrounded by Dan in that kind of way.

Happy to have gotten his way, Phil merely purred and peered up at Dan from where he was cradled to the man's chest. "Okay," he agreed easily enough, as there was nothing more Phil wanted than to go everywhere with Dan. He licked at Dan's cheek when he was able to reach it, and then settled back in for the ride, purring and nuzzling Dan's chest happily. He hadn't even known how much he liked doing this until he was back in cat form and allowed to, and he thought he might just stay here for a while.

Therefore, when Dan plopped him down on a pillow and then walked away, Phil began to pout, the purring ceasing immediately. He was about to protest when Dan patted his head and went to retrieve the duvet Phil remembered having moved that morning. He settled in a little more comfortably on the pillow, but he was still pouting when Dan came back.

 _So okay with this,_ Phil promised, waiting for Dan to climb into bed with him before he moved over to settle against his side. Dan's hands came around his body and picked him up again, settling Phil on his chest instead, and Phil grinned, purring loudly as he curled up just over Dan's heart. _This is my favourite place._

Dan shouldn't be surprised by Phil's clinginess anymore, but it still managed to make him grin. He never thought he'd see a cat pout, but Phil managed it. As such, Dan changed quickly, hiding behind his wardrobe door, and then he was climbing into bed and had Phil curling up on his chest again, against the soft cotton of his pyjama top.

"Alright, clingy," Dan mumbled back aloud despite Phil speaking into their bond. He lifted a hand and stroked Phil's head gently, smiling when he immediately started to purr. Dan could feel Phil's sleepiness through their bond again, though, and he was warmed by the thought that Phil was happiest curled up with Dan. His warm black body was right over Dan's heart, a lovely gentle pressure on the left side of his chest.

 _Goodnight, Phil. Love you,_ Dan murmured, his eyes drifting closed again. His hands came to rest around Phil's body, and Dan couldn't help but be relieved at how the panic from earlier had completely disappeared now that Phil was a cat again. This seemed like an actual, viable solution for whenever Dan was freaking out, and it was a way that Phil was content with. Dan hadn't dared to think that this could be fixed, but as ever, Phil had surprised him again.

Phil couldn't even bring himself to mind that Dan was teasing him and calling him clingy again, because now he'd been able to see just how distressed Dan had been all day without Phil, he understood that Dan felt just as clingy. It felt pretty natural for a familiar and their witch to be attached at the hip, so Phil decided not to get offended. Dan meant nothing by it, he could feel that, and he knew from the way that Dan kept depositing Phil in ways that forced him to cuddle more directly with Dan that Dan needed Phil just as much as Phil needed Dan.

 _Love you,_ he murmured back one last time, and then he was asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings this chapter: attempted rape, harassment, recovery.
> 
> PSA: It is never the victim's fault in situations like this, but victims can often feel this way, so keep that in mind and please stay safe while reading this chapter. It is not unusual for the body to have a physical reaction to harassment even when the victim doesn’t want what’s happening. Remember that any physical reactions do not make the harassment okay in any shape or form. If you are in need of help or just need someone to talk to, please visit this website (UK: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexualhealth/Pages/Sexualassault.aspx) (US: https://centers.rainn.org/)
> 
> Also, to cheer you guys up a little for what’s about to come, and also with the best timing ever, someone has made us art! Actually, two people have made us art, we’re both just chronic sufferers of brain fog as we explained last chapter, and didn’t think to link the art from last time! So anyway, please please go and reblog these two pieces of art that were done for our phanfic, because we are both so insanely happy that anyone would want to make anything for us, and to be honest, they are both the most amazing things we have ever seen! Seriously, I’m still flipping the fuck out personally xoxo Eliza
> 
> (Cat Phil)
> 
> (Scene from Chapter 13)

Phil woke up multiple times in the night. The first time, it was because he was starving, and he ended up figuring out how to make cereal by pressing against Dan a little and whispering the words into his mind. It encouraged Dan to shove some kind of memory into Phil's mind, and he grabbed the box of Country Crisps to eat, using his magic to spoon mouthfuls of the dry food into his mouth, reassured by Dan's half-dreamy thought that that was okay to do. He washed it down with some milk afterwards, and then climbed back into bed with Dan, who murmured something Phil didn't catch and then cradled Phil back in his arms. 

He woke up again sometime later with the urgent need to pee, and, unused to the feeling, forced himself to change into his human form to use the bathroom, and then changed back despite the pain that came with it so he could curl up in Dan's arms again. 

The third time he woke up, Dan seemed annoyed with all of Phil's fussing, grumbling and shoving at him a bit in his half delirious state, so Phil decided that he should probably just get up for the day, and climbed back out of bed for the final time. Deciding to stay in his feline form, Phil left the house with a quick pop with the idea to go about a stroll in the neighborhood, thinking he might possibly be able to make some friends this way. 

Phil hadn’t been outside for more than five minutes before he realized that there were a  _ lot _ of cats, a fact that absolutely excited him. He’d seen animals and familiars interact in his own world before, so he knew they’d get along, and the first alley he wandered into with a few yowling cats, Phil bounded over and started to make friends. 

It turned out Phil was a very sociable feline, as before he knew it, he was leaping and bounding through the city with five other cats, all of whom were pleased to have a new friend. They rolled about in a park a little ways off, and avoided the humans more than Phil might have done if he were alone, but it was overall fun to play with them. In fact, it was just like it used to be back in the familiar world, when Phil had played with the other cats, all leaping and bounding on each other and making an overall mess. 

These cats were just as fun, hissing and spitting at each other as they played, with one overly motherly cat coming and knocking them over when they got too rough. There was one, cat, however, that Phil did not like very much. His name was Heric, and every time he’d knock Phil over and get him on his back, he’d make an attempt to lick at Phil’s skin, pressing his face and paws into Phil’s fur and purring like he had the intent of something  _ more _ . Phil didn’t like it, and he kept pulling away, unnerved by the way that his body was beginning to react to the touches, and growing more and more upset each time it happened. 

Heric and the other cats didn’t seem to notice Phil’s upset, so he played with them for a little while longer, just until the sun started to come up, before deciding that he really should head home now, partially wanting to get away from Heric, and partially craving the understanding comfort of his witch.

After bidding his new friends goodbye, Phil started to trot home, relieved to be away from the presence of Heric, but disgruntled when he could feel his fur standing on end, a scent he definitely did not agree with filling the air around him and making him the perfect prey for the wrong kind of cat. 

Unfortunately for Phil, that wrong kind of cat remained to be Heric, as he soon found out in an alley away from Dan’s back garden. The sound of a small, male yip interrupted the perfect silence of the early morning dawn, and Phil jumped, whirling around to find Heric prowling near him. 

His heart started to beat very suddenly faster, and he cowered into himself, backing away slowly, as he stared at Heric, who was growing steadily closer and closer. Phil’s body, working against him, was reluctant to move further away, and suddenly, Heric was right there at his side.

"What are you doing here?" Phil asked, meowing at the other cat who was not a familiar like Phil. Heric purred, and brushed up against Phil in a way that told Phil exactly his intentions, causing Phil to jump back from him, startled and uncomfortable. "I'm not interested," he insisted.

"Your heat says otherwise," Heric replied, sniffling the air haughtily. It took Phil a second to realise what he meant, and if he could have, he would have blushed at the realization he was talking about parts of Phil that no one should talk about, not to mention the scent in the air that Phil was mostly definitely disgusted with.

"Excuse me?" he stuttered, heart like a hummingbird by now. He suddenly wished he’d just popped back home, and hadn’t wasted time trotting through town. Why was this cat behaving like this? He didn’t even know Phil, and it wasn’t as if they could properly mate and have kits. Were animals in the human world just as bad as the humans when it came to having sex for pleasure then, unlike what Phil had thought before?

Phil was beginning to panic a little. He could smell something strange on Heric, and he didn't like the way he kept trying to rub up against Phil, occasionally managing to lick at his skin. Phil's tail tucked up between his legs as he backed away from the mangy cat who he suddenly held a very strong distaste for, and he hissed at him, baring his teeth as he went. 

"I'm not interested," he insisted again, sending a flurry of panic through to Dan, trying to alert his witch and wake him up, but he didn't get a response as quickly as he would have liked, and he found his ears going sideways in agitation. He couldn't focus enough to make himself change to human in order to force the cat to stop harassing him, and he could feel his magic beginning to go a little crazy.

Unfortunately for him, he could also smell that his power seemed to only increase Heric's arousal for him. 

“Please go away,” he whined, despite the fact that his body was not reacting the way he wanted it too. In fact, it only seemed to be encouraging Heric, and his body quite clearly wanted something that Phil did not.

**

When Dan woke properly, his first instinct was to reach for Phil. There was an absence of warm fur on his chest, though, and he blinked his eyes open with a frown, glancing down. There wasn't a Phil leaning against him.

"Phil?" Dan asked through a yawn, scratching at his eyes as he sat up. He glanced to his pillow, assuming Phil had rolled off him and curled up there instead, but it was empty. With a surprised blink, Dan turned to glance around the rest of his room, but there was no sign of Phil anywhere.

Had he turned human again, for some reason, and gone to sleep on the couch?

Dan pulled on a robe and stumbled out into the sitting room, blinking himself awake. "Phil?" There was still no sign of him anywhere. Starting to get worried, Dan checked the bathroom and his desk before determining that his flat was definitely Phil-less and he was allowed to start panicking now.

_ Phil? _ Dan called through the bond as he instantly went back to his room to pull on some clothes. He was getting a confused rush of thoughts which told him Phil was still alive, but he had no idea  _ where _ Phil could be. Only that it wasn't here.  _ Where did you go? _

**

Quite suddenly, Phil finally heard Dan's call of his name through the bond, and Phil whined back, pressing his mind so close to Dan's that Dan should be able to see what he was seeing - a very aroused feral cat trying to come onto Phil when Phil really, really didn't want him to. His skin crawled at the very  _ smell _ of this cat's desire, and he hissed and spat again, striking out with a heavy claw when he tried to move in again. 

Dan's relief at finally getting an answer from Phil didn't last very long. As soon as he heard his desperate whine and got an idea of the situation, Dan's eyes widened and he let out a growl of anger. Someone else was trying to touch  _ his _ Phil. And not even anyone deserving - a stupid mangy alley cat who'd decided to come along and make a nuisance of himself. 

Well, that cat would find out that you didn't mess with Phil without some serious consequences.

_ I'm coming, hold on, _ Dan pressed through the bond, accompanied with as many comforting thoughts as possible. He could feel how upset and scared Phil was, and Dan’s eyes narrowed further. He wouldn't be allowing this to happen,  _ no-one _ should upset Phil.

Dan was down the stairs and out of the door as quickly as possible, following his link to Phil to an alley just beyond his back garden until he found them. It was still dark, not even dawn yet, and Dan was caught between wondering what on earth had possessed Phil to go outside at this hour and frantically worrying about his safety.

Phil wasn't sure how long he could wait for Dan, terrified as he was and watching as his magic began to throw about the trash in the alley, creating a mini tornado that didn't seem to dissuade Heric at all. Phil whined, trying to focus on the calming thoughts Dan was sending through to him, but it was difficult to do when all he could see was Heric and the way his body was preparing for -

As soon as he found the alley, Dan pushed his fingers forward and sent a spark of magic at the other cat. It shot up into the air with a surprised yowl, which gave Dan a good amount of satisfaction. He left the cat hovering there and instead ran to Phil, bending down and scooping him straight into his arms.

"Phil!" Dan spoke aloud, cradling his trembling body against his chest and holding him tight. "Are you okay? Did that mangy beast hurt you?"

And then Dan was there, and Heric was being zapped and held in mid air by Dan's magic. Dan's arms came around Phil quickly and easily, drawing him into his body and against his chest as he checked over him, words soft and sincere and honestly kind of funny. Phil was shaking with revulsion and fear, but Dan was there, and he was already making it better as he pushed at Phil's paws and checked his sides. Phil knew he was fine, but Dan didn't, and he let him have his moment. 

_ 'M fine, _ he managed, ducking his face into Dan's neck. The gross feelings that Heric had caused in Phil were not fading as quickly as he would have liked. His paws found Dan's chest, and he dug his nails in, clinging to him and curling into his body. 

Dan winced a bit when claws dug into his chest, but he was also kind of glad of the reminder that Phil was here and alive and okay. He cradled Phil to him gently, doing a thorough check of his sides and face and tail. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any physical damage, but Dan did not believe that Phil was fine, not with the way he was trembling and the repulsed thoughts he could sense through their bond. He attempted to lift Phil away from his shirt, wanting to look him in the eyes.

Phil didn't  _ want _ to be moved. His nails stayed tangled in Dan's shirt even as Dan tried to pull him away from his chest, and he only let go because he lost his hold. He felt like Dan could see the wild, horrified light in his eyes, and it upset him because he didn't want Dan to have to see that. Dan shouldn't have to feel Phil's panic, but... but he'd just been so  _ terrified _ of being touched by something other than Dan that he'd freaked out, not to mention the fact that Phil had been able to tell this cat had wanted  _ more  _ from him, something Phil wasn't even willing to give Dan. 

_ Hey, _ Dan murmured softly into his mind, picking Phil up so he could look into his eyes.  _ I've got you. He's not going to touch you, you're safe with me, I've got you right here. _

Holding Phil back against his chest, Dan glanced with angry eyes up to the cat hovering above him, still yowling with panicked eyes. Dan's magic was strong, the spell holding him there more instinctual than he was used to. Dan might have to write down how to do it when he got home.

"Shall I fly him away somewhere?" Dan murmured into Phil's ear, still holding him against his chest. "Somewhere far away from you, so he won't ever be bothering you again?”

Phil made a long, drawn out whining noise as Dan looked at him, and tried to calm down as Dan promised him that he was fine.  _ But he did, he did touch me. He did _ , he whined, trying to shove the thoughts at Dan to show him why Phil still felt his skin crawling, why he felt so disgusted and dirty and  _ wrong. _ He didn't want anyone licking him, touching him, and his eyes shined with unshed tears as he tried to scramble back into the crook of Dan's neck. He just felt so  _ dirty,  _ and bad, and he just wanted this cat to go away.

Still, as Dan let him go and Phil was able to claw his way up to Dan's shoulder, practically winding around his neck with his tail tucked up between his legs, Phil could still think at least a little rationally. 

_ He has friends, _ he told Dan.  _ Just send him home. I won't - I won't go near them again. _

Phil shuddered at the very idea of it, wishing he could just take a freaking bath in the comfort of his own home. He licked erratically at his paws, but it wasn't what he wanted. 

Dan bit his lip when Phil mentioned friends, knowing that he couldn't just send the cat away. Plus, he wanted to pay attention to calming Phil down, like he wanted to, rather than dealing with a stupid cat who didn't know what he'd got himself into. In fact, if the terrified wailing was anything to go by, then the cat wouldn't be doing this again.

Dan still sent a flicker of magic right up the cat's butt, though, and grinned at the yowl he got in return. Then he lowered the cat back down to the ground and sent him on his way. The cat scampered away as fast as he could, not looking back for even an instant.

With that dealt with, Dan could finally turn his attention back to the wriggling, crying Phil who was currently hiding in his neck. His claws were digging into Dan's shoulder, holding him tight, and the panic and fright Dan still felt from him wasn't fading. Dan understood why as soon as he saw the way the cat had licked and touched Phil, the strange scent that still seemed to surround Phil, and as soon as he saw that, Dan scooped Phil back up to his face and littered the top of his head with kisses.

Phil wasn't paying any attention to what Dan did to the cat, but he did hear a loud yowl and then the sounds of panicked, high pitched meowing that Dan wouldn't be able to hear as the cat seemed to take off running in order to get away. With him went the scent of arousal and the uncomfortable prickling it had done to Phil. He could sense his own pheromones had been reacting to the cat’s, and it made him feel even more dirty even as Dan picked him back up and littered the top of his head with kisses.

Phil almost wanted to tell Dan he didn't deserve them because he'd had some kind of reaction, but his mind was telling him that it was not his fault, that it was mere instinct and biology, and that helped him to relax into Dan's touches, even as he couldn't shake off the distressed feelings swirling in his chest and stomach. His legs fought against Dan until Dan finally let him cuddle back into his chest, and he hid his face there as Dan's arms wrapped more securely around him, effectively shielding him from the world. 

_ It's alright, it's alright, you aren't dirty, you're mine, _ Dan whispered fiercely into Phil's mind. He let Phil hide back against his chest, but Dan didn't let him go. Instead, he wrapped his hands fully around Phil's tiny, trembling frame and used just the tiniest amount of his healing magic to brush gently over Phil's fur. It moved like a soft flame, gently curling through him and hopefully calming him down, letting him feel cleansed.

_ You're mine, and I'll never let anyone hurt you, _ Dan promised, holding Phil gently and petting wherever he could. _ I promise I'm right here. You're safe now, Phil. _

Phil felt the trail of magic slip down his spine and through his fur, then, and he relaxed as the sensation of something scrubbing over his body began to take away the awful sensation of that other cat having licked him. It actually felt as though Dan were burning away every last inch of where that cat had touched him, and Phil shivered under the welcomed sensation, whimpering and yowling into Dan's chest not because it hurt, but because suddenly, Phil just needed to cry - and this was the only way he knew he could. 

Phil's whimpers broke his heart, but Dan cradled him as close as he could and filled the bond with comfort and hugs, hoping that some part of them got through to Phil. He could feel that his magic should be working, and Phil would hopefully be getting some of the good sensations. Dan didn't expect this to just go away, though. He'd treated people who'd been harassed before, and he knew Phil would need comfort and warmth more than ever now.

Dan kept up a steady stream of calm comfort on the walk back to his flat, and as soon as they stepped back into the shop, Dan paused and glanced over at the door. He wanted a way to make Phil feel safe - to know that no one could interrupt them, could get inside and attack them again. He just wanted Phil to know that nothing bad was going to happen. So Dan drew on his magic for a moment, flicking his fingers carefully at the door, and set up a shield to block out any intruders. Hopefully that would do the trick. Dan took Phil straight to the stairs, then, and back into the bedroom just as the sun was beginning to rise.

Dan settled against his pillows and placed Phil carefully in his lap, not surprised when Phil instantly clawed his way back against his chest. Dan kept his hands surrounding Phil, scratching gently at the spot behind his ear, and soothed him as best he could. Phil was still whimpering, and Dan was sure if he was human he'd be crying. 

_ It's alright, I've got you now, _ Dan promised gently.  _ You're safe. We're home, and you're safe. _

It just - it just hurt. All Phil could think was  _ I didn't like I didn't like it I didn't like it, _ as Dan carried him as carefully and as quickly as he could back home, tossing up a shield on the door of his shop the second they passed through it. Somehow, it helped to soothe Phil's mind that the cat couldn't come back and bother him anymore, and he was able to relax into Dan's soft feelings of comfort through the bond. He was still whimpering when Dan settled him down on his lap.

Unhappy with that, Phil clawed his way back up against Dan's chest, ducking his face into his neck and settling there with small little whimpers as he clung to his witch, whose fingers were soothing and gentle as they scratched behind his ear and replaced the unwanted touches from the other cat with the desired ones from his witch. There were no... second motives to what Dan was doing for Phil, no darker intentions to Dan petting him, and so he felt okay, though he still shook and shuddered at the thought of earlier.

He couldn’t seem to relax, not completely, choosing instead to curl into Dan and just let him soothe him. 

_ Don't let me go. _

Dan cradled Phil gently under his chin, letting him dig his claws in slightly too tight and whimper against his neck. He kept up his soothing strokes to Phil's fur, hoping it was calming him, and soothed the panicked thoughts from Phil with gentle reminders that he wasn't alone anymore, that Dan was here and never going to let him go.

_ I know you didn't want it, it's okay,  _ Dan murmured back, able to pick up from Phil's scattered memories exactly what that cat had been after. He narrowed his eyes, holding in a growl. How  _ dare _ someone threaten his Phil with _ that _ ? When Dan knew that Phil was just as repulsed by it as he was? 

_ You never have to do that, Phil, _ Dan promised him fiercely. _ I'm never going to let that happen. You're safe, I promise you. _

Phil was still whimpering a bit, so Dan wrapped his hands fully around Phil and cradled him against his neck, letting him cling on exactly where he needed to.  _ I will never let you go, _ Dan swore, and meant it. He could feel something shift inside him again, and whatever panic he'd had that morning about being close to Phil dissipated entirely. Even if Phil was human right now, Dan would never let him go, and he opened the bond to show Phil just that. _ I'll hold you. I will never let you go, Phil. _

So maybe it hadn't exactly been an invitation, but Phil took it as one - or at least his magic did. In seconds, he was going from one form to another, body convulsing and changing much faster than ever before. The clothes Phil had been wearing the night before appeared with him, as they had every other time he'd changed, and he collapsed onto Dan in a tired, miserable heap as he began to cry properly. He smushed his face into Dan's neck and wound his arms around Dan's waist as he felt Dan do the same. 

He just needed... to not be a cat, right now. He'd wanted to change forms so badly when the other cat had been harassing him, but the fear had blocked him, and he hated that strong emotions could mess up his magic so much. What happened the next time someone came onto him? Dan's promise that he’d never have to do that calmed him, though, and he was able to relax and slump against Dan now that he'd stopped trembling so thoroughly. He was also suddenly exhausted, and grateful that in human form, it was much easier for him to sleep properly. He didn't think he could put up with just cat naps right now, not after what he'd just been through. 

"I didn't want it," he mumbled one last time, already knowing that Dan knew, and that Phil had done nothing wrong. It was just... painful. He was glad to be in a different form right now, though, terrified of what it would feel like to have his fur and the gross sensation of pheromones and urgency somewhere it shouldn't be clogging his mind. He didn't want that, and he just needed his body to catch up with his head. 

Being human helped more than Phil could say, and he relaxed even more when Dan pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

Dan was more than a bit taken aback when he suddenly had an armful of human Phil sprawled across his chest, but he adjusted quickly, understanding that Phil needed this right now. Dan had apparently fluxed back into not panicking at this, and he breathed an inward sigh of relief that his chest didn't constrict and his skin didn't crawl at having Phil against him.

Instead, Dan drew Phil closer and kissed the top of his head, shushing him gently. "I know. I know you didn't want it, and you never have to do that. It's just biology, you can ignore it," Dan murmured into Phil's hair. Phil relaxed against him a little, and Dan sighed, whispering a soft “Sleep,” in the hopes that it would encourage Phil to rest and relax against him.

With the knowledge that Dan wouldn't let anything bad happen to him, Phil relaxed against him, and found that he was able to sleep, so exhausted and upset after the entire ordeal, that it came easily and more naturally than either man had been expecting. Still, sleep was a welcome relief when it came.

Phil could feel it soothing over the sad parts of his mind, relaxing him and making him feel more secure. It helped that Phil could feel that Dan had not left him, and he dreamt of nothing but playing with the other cats and the way Dan touched him when he thought Phil wasn't paying attention, little needy gestures like brushing against his hip to remind himself that Phil was there. He sighed in his sleep, happy that Dan was his and that he never had to give his witch up. 

It was comforting to know that someone big and strong would always be there to protect Phil, the same Phil wished to always be there to help protect Dan. He was glad to know that when he reached for Dan, Dan would be there, and Phil would never have to suffer alone. 

With Phil resting on his chest, Dan eased himself up a little so he was more upright and Phil was sprawled across his chest. Phil's head was tucked just over Dan’s heart, right where he'd been resting as a cat, and Dan had to bite back a smile. He lifted a hand carefully to tangle it in Phil's hair, happy when he gave a small sigh. Dan _ liked _ Phil there, could appreciate having him near again.

Dan, unlike Phil, had managed a mostly undisturbed night's sleep, but he was more than content to lay there and study Phil's sleeping features. He looked peaceful and calm now, which was certainly better than the fear and pain from earlier. Dan played with his hair gently and glanced out of the window, watching as the sun rose and listening to Phil's even breathing.

**

Sometime later, when Phil started stirring again, Dan leaned down to kiss his forehead, gently kissing him awake, and was suddenly hit with the urge to kiss Phil properly - on the lips, like he'd seen in films and books. Dan frowned.  _ That  _ came out of nowhere - he'd never felt the urge to do  _ that _ before. Besides, he shouldn't without asking Phil first, and certainly not after Phil had felt so vulnerable.

Shaking the odd thought away, Dan instead ran his fingers through Phil's hair, smiling as he came awake slowly. "Hey. How are you doing?”

When Phil finally come back awake, it was with a kiss from Dan to his forehead that made Phil smile immediately, curling against Dan's chest a little bit more before he eventually pushed himself up. Dan's fingers were carding through his hair the same they carded through his fur, and Phil shuddered at the reminder. Fur. He didn't want fur. He couldn't stand fur right now. 

Suddenly sitting up, Phil moved off of Dan to settle down next to him, suddenly feeling like he needed to be alone. He gripped Dan's duvet in his hands, and drew it up around him, curling into it and hiding as he laid back down. 

"Okay," Phil huffed out. He did feel better, but he still felt kind of sick to his stomach, and regardless of the pleasant dreams he’d had all curled up with Dan like that, he could feel something uncomfortable brewing in his stomach. 

Dan felt a tiny stab of hurt when Phil instantly twisted away from him to hide in the bedcover, but then he told himself not to be ridiculous. Phil was hurting and insecure still, and Dan had no right to be upset about not having enough contact considering the utter mess he'd made of the previous morning. So he gave himself a little shake and firmly told himself to get a grip. This was about Phil, not him.

"Are you sure?" Dan asked, keeping a careful distance from Phil so as to give him space if he needed it. He didn't want to spark any kind of bad reaction and trigger something from his harassment, so Dan kept a careful distance and his hands firmly to himself.

"It's okay if you're not okay," Dan added, tone conversational. "I mean. I probably wouldn't be. And you have to make up for my giant freak out of yesterday, after all." He managed a small smirk, turning to send Phil a soft glance. He was itching to reach out and hold him, but Phil had wrapped himself up pretty firmly in the bedcovers and was still looking very vulnerable. So Dan kept himself calm and still. Phil knew he was there if he needed him.

Dan shouldn't be allowed to make jokes. Phil was smiling before he knew it, staring up at Dan from the burrito he'd made of himself, and pushing one hand out of it in order to reach out blindly for one of Dan's. The feeling of rough fingers against his own was comforting rather than upsetting, and he clung hard to him, maintaining his distance but relieved to have the option to hold onto his only source of comfort. It was nice, just having Dan speak lowly to him, making fun of himself while also reassuring Phil that he didn't have to be okay right now.

"I -" he said. "Don't know how I feel," he admitted. He just knew that he wanted to be sick, and he wanted to cry some more, and he just didn't feel good. His body felt extra sensitive, and he was... he was scared. Of what, he didn't know, but he was currently wishing he could just curl up in a ball so the rest of the world couldn’t see him. That was the reason for his blanket cocoon as well - a need to just - be hidden, even for just a moment, even from Dan. 

His Dan, the Dan that would always be there for him. He squeezed his eyes shut, and wasn't even surprised to find himself crying. He gasped out a small laugh.

"I guess I'm not. I just. Need to be alone," he finally decided, squeezing Dan's fingers one last time before letting him go. He closed his eyes, and rolled so his face was hidden too, and then he just stayed there with the nausea in his stomach and the fear and pain crowding his mind that something was wrong with him, even when he knew that nothing was. 

Dan's heart broke a bit to see Phil struggling like this, battling against the pain and revulsion he so clearly felt. Dan itched to make it better, but at the same time, he knew there was nothing he could do. Phil had been hurt, and now he had to recover.

Well, Dan might not be able to take away the bad feelings, but he was a healer and he knew a thing or two about recovery.

"Okay. You can be alone." Dan patted the bed comfortingly away from Phil's body so he wasn't touching him, just letting him know he was there. "And remember - there is nothing wrong with you. And I love you, for the record."

Carefully, Dan clambered off the bed and sorted through his things before turning back to Phil, murmuring, "I'm going to jump in the shower, and then I'm going to make some soup again. You can have some when you're ready. And you know where I am - just call me through the bond if you need me."

Dan hovered for a moment longer, part of him reluctant to leave Phil this vulnerable, even though he knew Phil needed his space. So he said quietly, "Call me as soon as you need me, and I'll be right here. Take care, Phil." And then he reluctantly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him to leave Phil alone in his safe space.

Phil bit back another laugh, half-sob half-relief, to hear Dan reassure Phil that he was loved, and that Dan didn't think anything was wrong with him or that he'd done anything wrong. It felt good to have that reassurance from more than just his own mind trying to force back thoughts he knew weren't true, and he was able to relax a little bit more as he cried, face scrunched up in pain. This was how Dan's patients must feel when he took care of them; safe and loved. Dan was so kind hearted. Phil felt like the luckiest familiar on the Earth.

But right now, he just needed Dan to go. So as Dan kept talking, Phil didn't answer him, hoping he'd take the hint that while Phil appreciated everything he was saying, everything he was promising, Phil just wanted him to go. 

Eventually, he did, and Phil could hear it as the shower flicked on. His mind flicked to the time he'd seen Dan naked, and he nearly threw up right then and there. 

There was nothing wrong with Dan's naked body - in fact, Phil still thought Dan was beautiful and clothes were in some ways unnecessary - but there were new connotations on it now. Though Phil knew there was no pressure for  _ that  _ to ever happen between them, the recent harassment and the fear that Phil would be touched against his will made it difficult for him to even stand to imagine a situation where that possibility was there. Dan being naked in the other room  _ was _ that possibility, despite him knowing that Dan would never act on it, and… well, it made Phil’s mind put pressure on him to want something that he never thought he would.

It hurt, knowing that he couldn't even think of Dan without fear right then, but Phil pushed it all away as best as he could in the hopes that, if he rested long enough, and let himself fall apart long enough, he might be okay. His skin still felt a little like it was crawling, but mostly, he just felt a strange sense of guilt and wrongness that he knew was not his.

** 

Dan went through the motions of the day without even thinking about it, his mind ever fixed on the prospect of Phil curled up, alone and suffering, in his room hiding under the bedsheets. Twice Dan almost went in, but the thought of disrupting Phil when he'd so clearly needed space and alone time felt like another violation. So, as much as it hurt, Dan treaded carefully, and didn't disturb the room.

After his shower, he pottered about the kitchen, indeed setting some soup simmering and then, more out of habit than anything else, got a cauldron heating up over the fire to start making some more potions. It was Sunday today, and the shop was usually closed other than emergencies, as was common in the witching world. The people knew to come straight to Dan's flat if there was a problem, which Dan was sincerely hoping there wouldn't be. He had his own patient sitting in the bedroom.

It was a few hours later when Phil finally started to feel simultaneously better, and worse, finding that he needed Dan more than he’d thought he would. He didn’t feel so well, and he was suddenly unsure if it was related to what had just happened at all.  _ Dan,  _ he called, too tired to get up. He'd rolled over by now, the duvet too hot against his skin. His head hurt, and he was growing even more nauseous than he had been before.  _ Dan, _ he whispered again, _ Dan. _

Dan was just absent-mindedly stirring together some kind of draught when he heard a pained little whisper of his name echo through their bond. In an instant, Dan dropped his ladle and span, moving straight to the bedroom door, finding himself hesitating at the door. 

Phil had definitely been calling for him, but Dan still didn't want to violate his privacy anymore, not in this state. No matter how worried Dan was, he had to make sure he didn't scare Phil anymore.

So Dan knocked twice to announce his presence before carefully pushing the door open, hovering in the frame for all of two seconds until he caught sight of Phil bundled up in the bedcovers looking sweaty and miserable. "Phil?" he murmured aloud, rushing to the bedside but too afraid to speak through their bond in case he made Phil scared again. His hands hovered over Phil's body, aching to check for fever or sickness or, well, anything really, but also not wanting to touch without permission. "What is it? Can you tell me what's wrong?"

It was kind of disheartening to have Dan knock on his own bedroom door and then hover over Phil like he wanted to touch but was unsure if he should. Phil's first thought was that Dan didn't  _ want _ to, not really, and that it was the healer in him wanting to check if he was sick while the personal bit of him didn't want to touch someone who'd been touched by another. The rest of him, though, fought that first thought with all that he had, even as he shrunk back into the mattress and away from Dan, because he knew that wasn't true. Dan didn't blame Phil for that morning, and most importantly, didn't  _ care _ if Phil had been touched by someone else. Just a few hours ago he'd been willingly stroking his hands down Phil's tiny cat body to soothe away the disgusting feeling Heric had left behind. It was obvious, when Phil was thinking straight, that Dan didn't want to upset him anymore.

Too bad that seemed an impossible task to manage. No matter what Dan did right now, Phil's mind was too hurt to think clearly, and he wished this was easier. 

Pushing his way out of the duvet, Phil reached out for Dan with soft, sad eyes, begging his witch to come and hold him. 

Dan didn't waste a second, climbing into bed with Phil and drawing him to his chest, arms wrapping securely around his back while Phil pressed his face against Dan's heart, breathing him in. 

He wasn't shaking anymore, but he did feel hot, hotter even than he did as a cat, and he wasn't sure exactly why. All he knew was that he wanted Dan's attention as he trailed soft little pecks up his shirt and eventually to his shoulder, where he nuzzled Dan's neck a little before pulling back and stuffing his face back into Dan's t-shirt. 

Belatedly, Phil realized that Dan had asked him a question, but Phil merely shook his head. "Hot," he ended up mumbling, and drew his body into a small ball so he could wrap himself closer to Dan's. 

Dan held onto Phil with no small amount of relief. After so long without seeing him or touching him, it was good to have him close again. The repulsion from yesterday seemed like a far distant memory now as Dan cradled Phil against him, recognising that Phil needed reassurance of some kind. Well, Dan could give him that, would give anything to have Phil feeling better.

Without hesitation, Dan's hands wrapped around Phil, holding him securely as Phil buried his face into Dan's chest. The kisses placed there were like small questions, and Dan answered by pressing his own lips softly to the top of Phil's head. The weird urge from this morning resurfaced, then, and Dan was tempted to tilt Phil's chin up to face him so that he could kiss him elsewhere - his cheeks, his lips. But he shook the thought away again when Phil buried his face back into Dan's chest.

The murmured word had Dan worrying against instantly, and he cuddled Phil closer. "Hot? You feel hot?" That was strange - the room felt cool to Dan, they were currently in the grips of winter and the fire in the lounge didn't warm up the bedroom. He bit his lip, nudged Phil gently, and bit back a smile when Phil instantly hid back in his chest. "I'm sorry, I just need you to tilt your head up for me? I'm not going to let you go."

When Dan nudged gently at Phil, clearly trying to rouse him from Dan's chest, Phil shook his head and shoved himself back into that warm place where he could feel Dan's heartbeat, The last thing he wanted was Dan making him pull away right now when all he wanted was reassurance. He was tired of being alone, and while he'd needed that earlier, now he just needed Dan and the comfort of a pair of arms that actually loved him. It took Dan promising that he wouldn't let Phil go for Phil to willingly tilt his head up, but he eventually allowed it, eyes closed and brow furrowed in pain.

Dan kept up a soothing stroke to Phil's back as he coaxed his head away from his shirt just enough to place the back of his hand against Phil's forehead. He frowned at what he felt. Phil was burning up. He definitely had a high temperature, was maybe catching a cold - could familiars catch human illnesses? Maybe Phil's human body hadn't been around enough people to build up any resilience to illness yet.

Dan hugged Phil close again, moving the hand against his forehead back into his hair. Illness, he could deal with, but explaining it to Phil might be a bit more difficult. He thought over his words carefully, murmuring them softly. "Phil? I'm going to get you a potion, to make you feel better. I think you're getting sick. Will you be okay in here while I go and do that? You can come with me if you'd rather," he offered - Phil had been a bit clingy so far. It was surprising after he'd wanted to be alone, but Dan was more than happy to hold him, to provide physical reassurance that he would always be here for Phil.

Phil moaned softly at the feel of Dan's cold hand pressing against his forehead. His eyes fluttered shut, and he sunk into the feeling, wishing Dan could touch him everywhere so his entire body could get some relief. Was he as sticky as he felt? That was gross. He wished he could have a bath then as well, maybe hold Dan's hand the entire time and pretend that it wasn't overly intimate if Dan watched him trying to clean himself up. Maybe Dan could help him, in the least intimate way possible, but the thought made Phil shudder. Maybe one day that would be okay, maybe one day he'd be alright with Dan seeing his naked body and not having either of them worry that anything more would come of it, but for right now, Phil didn't want anyone to see him, let alone if he was wearing no clothes.

He was shoved out of his thoughts by Dan speaking up, and Phil's eyes fluttered open to look at him. The first thing he saw were Dan's soft, pink lips, and his cheeks turned red as an image rose unbidden to his mind of Dan and Phil kissing there. He wasn't going to deny that some part of him  _ wanted _ that, but he also cringed away from it, terrified that wasn't something Dan would want, or that Phil would like. 

"Sick?" Phil mumbled in an attempt to distract himself. "Don't - don't leave me," he begged, and pressed himself tighter to Dan. The thought of Dan abandoning him was like having his heart ripped out through his throat - Phil couldn't have it. His hands came up to snag in Dan's shirt, and he choked on a small moan. 

"Can it wait?" he asked, knowing it wouldn't be that easy to take Phil with him to get the potion, but not ready for Dan to leave. 

Dan couldn't hold back a soft chuckle when Phil immediately pressed himself closer to Dan at the mere suggestion of Dan leaving. He wasn't laughing at Phil, not really, but he was just so  _ cute _ like this. He could definitely get used to Phil being clingy. Even when Dan was repulsed, like he had been yesterday, he thought he could like holding Phil. He didn't feel trapped when he was the one giving the comfort.

"It can't wait when you're suffering," Dan murmured back to him, a chuckle still in his voice. He didn't take his arms away from Phil, though, instead stroking his fingers through Phil's hair in around the same spot he'd scratch Phil as a cat. He settled back against the pillows and brought Phil with him, letting him splay out against his chest. "I'm not going to leave you, though, don't worry. We can wait until you feel strong enough to come with me."

After all, Dan really wasn't going to complain when he had Phil back in his arms. He'd been scared earlier, about how Phil was feeling, about how to make him feel better after what happened with the other cat. He didn't know how to deal with that kind of thing, but an illness, Dan could heal. It was his trade, he was confident in it. This was something he could help Phil with.

Dan seemed to always know what to do, what to say, and Phil tried not to let the thought make him cry in his overly emotional state, falling with Dan as Dan made himself comfortable laying back on the bed and taking Phil with him. His fingers were pressed to that spot he liked as a cat, and his nails were scratching it lightly, and Phil couldn't help it - the tears just  _ came _ . There was no noise, no nothing, just the tears, and his face all crinkled up in pain and sorrow. He didn't know why he was crying when he _ liked _ this, but it all felt too much, too overwhelming, so he buried himself further into Dan's chest and just lay there, breathing softly, and trying not to let himself lose control. 

His fingers tightened on and off in Dan's shirt, and he wondered how ridiculous he must look, all sprawled out with gangly limbs against Dan. He wondered if other people would look at them and think they were a bad match, or a good one, and then banished the thought away.

He was still hot, but Dan was cool, and it was helping.

The tears eventually stopped as well, until Phil was just breathing evenly against Dan, face turned to the side so he could press his ear over Dan's heart to listen to his heartbeat, and eyes open as he stared at the far wall. Dan hadn't said anything yet, but Phil could feel that he was anxious to get Phil his medicine. 

He glanced upwards. Dan was staring at him with sad, worried eyes, fingers still tangled in Phil's hair. 

He rolled over, climbed off of Dan, and lay back down with a huff. Maybe Dan would get the thing that Phil didn't want to move for anymore. 

Dan bit his lip, feeling a pang of regret because Phil had moved off him and was looking all sad and grumpy, and there were tear stains on his cheeks, and he was  _ sad _ . Sad and sick and miserable, Dan could feel all that through their bond. Dan could feel his own eyes burning a bit, but pushed the thought away irritably. He just hated seeing Phil like this, sad and hurting and alone.

"Hey," Dan murmured, reaching out to link his hand with Phil's again. "I said I wasn't going to leave you. I just need to get you better - you've got a high temperature. The feeling hot thing? That's your body trying to fight off an infection. I can fix it, don't worry. I'm good at fighting illness." His lips twitched a bit, and he reached out to tuck Phil's sweaty fringe out of his eyes. His thumb moved to wipe the tear stains off Phil's cheeks, and Dan got caught up with staring at Phil's lips again.

He could do it. He could lean forwards right now and kiss Phil, show him that he wasn't alone even when he was being moody. But Dan wasn't going to. Not without at least explaining it to Phil first, and checking it was okay with both of them. Dan had no idea where the sudden urge had come from, after all.

"I'll go and make you a potion, but I'll be back super quick," he promised, leaning down to press his lips against Phil's burning forehead instead. He squeezed his fingers once more before climbing off the bed, turning back to glance once more at Phil on his way out of the room. "Just shout if you need me." He tapped his head, then pointed at Phil, smiling again. "It's not like I can get far - you'll always have a direct line to my head."

With a final smile, Dan turned and left the room, leaving the door open behind him so Phil could hear him moving about the flat.

Dan always knew what to say. He really, really did. Grumpy and put out that Dan was going to have to leave him because Phil couldn't be bothered to get out of bed, Dan still knew how to soothe Phil, pressing gentle lips to Phil's forehead before he left, and then stopping to reassure Phil that he could always get Dan's attention if he needed it. There was nowhere Dan could go where he wouldn't hear it if Phil needed him, and that thought alone, that reminder alone, helped to relax Phil. It was made even better by Dan's forethought to leave his bedroom door open this time, and Phil quickly realised that Dan wasn't even bothering to go down to his office or into his shop. Instead, from the sounds of it,  he was whipping up Phil a potion from his lounge. 

Phil's lips twitched, and his eyes leaked more unwanted tears as he curled up into himself, just thinking of Dan. For a moment, he was fine, but then he found his chest was hurting, and he closed his eyes and nudged gently at the bond. 

Phil could feel it as Dan pushed it open, allowing Phil in, and he watched through Dan's eyes as he brewed something to make Phil feel better. Phil's own mind pushed Dan's thoughts away, and he just focused on what Dan was seeing, doing, feeling instead. Being able to see through his witch’s eyes had never been something Phil had thought he'd want before now, but now he was clinging to it, happy for it, and able to calm down because Dan was there, and he was going nowhere.

The sensation of feeling Phil looking through his eyes was… new to Dan, to say the least. It took a moment for Dan to adjust to it. He could sense Phil was  _ there, _ sure, but he couldn't actually hear any of his thoughts, and nor could Phil hear his. There wasn't a shield up, though, at least not one that Dan could sense. It was more like Phil was just a passenger, sitting there and feeling everything Dan did without being an active participant. It was… nice. A reminder that Dan was never alone, but in a good sense. He'd never have to worry about being lonely again.

Dan smiled, humming a small tune as he set about the familiar tasks of stirring his potion. A fever draught was one he'd been making for years, and the movements were automatic as he set the cauldron to boiling and added in the ingredients, giving it a stir when needed. It turned an unpleasant green colour, but Dan had learned years ago that adding a spot of rosemary in tended to make the taste a bit more appealing. Hopefully Phil wouldn't hate it too badly.

Once he was done, he poured the potion into a mug and then went to collect a bowl of soup, too, as it had finished simmering by now. Dan poured the leftovers into a container in the fridge and carried two bowls of soup and the mug of potion through into the bedroom, glad that he'd left the door open as he didn't really have a hand to spare to open it.

By the time that Dan seemed to be done with the potion, Phil had begun to doze off. The only thing keeping him awake was the fact that he kept sneezing, moaning as the feeling surged through him far more painfully than usual. He was so upset about it, his magic began to act up, casting storm clouds about the room that didn't rain, but threatened with thunder and lightening. Phil hoped Dan could make it all go away. 

The sight Dan was met with was pretty miserable. Phil was curled up in a heap, and there were heavy thunderclouds hovering against his ceiling. It was a mark of how far Dan had come that he didn't instantly freak out, instead letting out a small sigh and making a soothing noise at Phil.

"Shove over," he said conversationally, allowing a trickle of magic to flow through the blond and ease Phil's tendencies towards wildness. He swirled comforting thoughts to Phil's miserable ones, blocking up the passages the magic tended to explode out of, and waved the thunderclouds away. They dissipated into the air slowly, reluctantly, but at least they were on their way out and weren't threatening to soak his bedroom anymore.

Dan set the two bowls of soup down onto the side and clambered back into bed, wasting no time in dragging Phil towards him. He held out the mug, saying, "I know it doesn't smell good, but you need to have it. I'm not going to cuddle you properly until you finish it all, and you have to try your soup, too. No arguments."

The storm clouds were going away, Phil could feel them, and Dan's magic was coursing through his body, soothing over Phil's wild magic with ease. He could feel the comforting thoughts soothing over his mind, comforting him, and he curled backwards until Dan had room to join him on the bed. Dan didn't leave him alone for very long, however, drawing Phil's body back into his lightly before beginning to speak. 

A mug was in his face before he knew what was happening, and he was left to stare at it blankly for a moment before the smell hit him and Phil was jerking away. He and Dan were pressed together from shoulder to hip, but Phil wanted more. He tried to curl his body into Dan's to escape the mug being offered to him, but Dan wasn't having it, and before Phil knew it, Dan was threatening that Phil couldn’t have any real cuddles until he drank his medicine. Pouting, Phil glared up at Dan, but took the mug between his palms. 

"I hate you," he muttered, nose wrinkling again at the smell that wafted over him. He'd much rather eat the soup Dan had made for him, but it didn't seem like he was going to be having that option until he'd drank the potion, first.

The first tentative sip wasn't terrible, and so Phil tilted the mug further so he could drink more. As the potion coated over his taste buds, however, his face scrunched up in disgust, and he swallowed as quickly as he could, not realising he'd been chugging the disgusting concoction until he'd managed to swallow it all down. Dan was looking at him with proud eyes, though, and that made it at least a little bit better as he moved to curl into his body after Dan had taken back the mug.

A quiet, tut-tut grabbed Phil's attention, and then there was a bowl in his hands, and he was grumbling as he settled back against the back of the bed, hardly touching Dan at all except along the sides of their bodies. 

Dan was chuckling again, biting back a smile. Phil was undeniably cute when he was sick, and everything he was doing seemed to involve the quickest way to get back into Dan's arms. Dan wasn't going to give in that easily, though, no matter how adorable Phil might be. He was having his medicine and his soup, and only then would he be getting cuddles.

"I love you too," Dan answered with a roll of his eyes, though he was smiling a bit. 

As soon as Phil was done with the potion, Dan pressed the soup into his hands, dodging Phil's attempts to curl back into his chest. Phil huffed in answer, looking at Dan with sad moody eyes. Dan just shook his head, biting back another smile. "Have your soup, and then I'll pay you proper attention. Honestly, none of my patients are this difficult." He poked Phil's shoulder with a chuckle, settling in next to him and laughing when Phil just grumbled in reply, keeping his distance.

Dan picked up his own soup, his stomach grumbling in satisfaction, but he barely tasted it as he watched Phil instead. He was a bit worried that Phil had managed to pick up a fever - though he supposed he shouldn't be surprised really. Phil had been around his patients, and PJ and Dan could have been carrying illnesses around without getting them. Phil wouldn't have as much resistance as they did. Dan made a mental note to make Phil take some preventative potions the next day, especially as they worked with potentially contagious patients all the time.

At least this fever didn't seem too bad. Phil was still conscious, if grumpy, and he seemed able enough to understand what Dan was saying. A few days of cuddles and rest, and hopefully he'd be right as rain again. Dan would just have to stave off his moods and possible magic explosions until then.

Dan was placating him, but Phil didn't care. He wanted proper attention and proper cuddles, and Dan wasn't giving them to him, so he was doing his damned best to force himself to drink down his soup as fast as he could. The problem came in that it was too hot to guzzle like he had the potion, and it was too good to ignore the taste of, and Phil ended up sighing in defeat and instead enjoying his meal, no matter how much he'd rather be curled back up in Dan's arms. 

Dan started eating then as well, and even as Phil swallowed his down faster, far more hungry than he'd anticipated, probably from being outside all night, he realised that he couldn't very well force Dan to stop eating and cuddle him when he was done. He pouted at the thought, but felt his heart wilting a little with fondness and care. For all that Phil just wanted to cling to Dan, for as miserable as he felt, he would never do anything to interrupt Dan getting what he needed as well.

So, when Phil finished his soup, finding that Dan was merely half way done with his own, he merely pressed the bowl to his knees, and sat there staring blankly at it. He itched to take Dan's bowl away from him so they could get to cuddling faster, but he refrained, doing his damned best to behave himself in the hopes that Dan would stay with him for the better portion of the day if he was good. 

Dan's lips twitched when he saw how Phil was pouting. It didn't take much to figure out it was because he'd swallowed his soup down quickly and was now staring at Dan with huge, sad eyes, but Dan was still eating and Phil didn't want to interrupt him. Dan snickered. It was amusing to watch Phil fighting with himself, but Dan would put him out of his misery soon enough.

"Come here," Dan laughed, lifting his bowl up and gesturing for Phil to lie down in his lap, which left enough room for Dan to keep eating with Phil lying there. Phil, of course, complied quickly, and Dan chuckled again. He wasn't complaining, though. Phil was a warm and comforting weight against his legs, and there was no worry that this would be anything other than innocent.

When Dan had finished his soup, he set the bowl to the side and finally turned all his attention onto Phil instead. He wrapped his arms around Phil and lifted his weight just for a moment, so that Dan could slide down onto his back and Phil could sprawl all across his chest again. 

Dan chuckled softly, wrapping his arms tight around Phil and pressing another kiss to the top of his head. "Needy patient, you are," he chuckled and tugged Phil in to rest against him. "Don't worry, I promise not to force you to move until at least this evening, now."

Dan was everything that Phil could have ever wanted. He wasn't done eating, but he seemed to know that Phil needed him, as he shifted so Phil could lay in his lap while he finished up his meal, beckoning Phil to come  here. Phil did so immediately, curling up with his head in Dan's lap and his limbs kind of tucked up into himself, sighing as he was allowed to relax. His eyes slipped closed as he dozed a little, mind a little fuzzy, until Dan finally finished his meal and shifted so Phil was laying sprawled across his chest instead. 

Unable to defend himself, Phil reached up and swatted at Dan's shoulder for calling him needy, though he knew his witch was merely teasing him. He curled in tighter to his side, relieved to know Dan wasn't going to be making them move anymore, and just relaxed. 

His breathing had gone more even as Dan reached up to wrap big, protective arms around his body, and he was still feeling warm, but not as hot as before. It seemed the medicine was already beginning to work, and Phil's pout slipped away, the furrow in his brow uncreasing, as he was finally given the chance to just _ be. _

It was hardly ten a.m., surely, and it had already been the longest day of Phil's life. 

There was more relief than Dan expected when Phil relaxed against him, seeming to become comfortable. All he responded to Dan's words was a swat to the shoulder, which had Dan grinning and chuckling again, but then Phil was collapsing against his chest and making himself comfortable there. Dan would hazard a guess that he didn't plan to move for the rest of the day, despite how early it still was.

Dan wasn't complaining. He relished in the chance to hold Phil, and anything that gave him an excuse to procrastinate from his work was alright in Dan's book.

So Dan settled down, his head resting against his pillows, and he sent Phil a fond smile. Phil looked  _ adorable _ . His head was cushioned against Dan's chest, right over his heart, and his hair fanned out messily until it was sticking up in a near-perfect quiff. His cheeks were a little red from the fever, and his eyes were shut, and his arms were curled up to Dan as he nestled against him.

Dan smiled, wrapping his arms around Phil's back and stroking against him softly. His other hand tangled in Phil's hair again, scratching lightly. He half-expected to hear a purr, if only humans were capable of that.

The urge was there again - the urge to lean down and press kisses to Phil's head, to tilt his chin up until Dan could kiss his lips. Dan paused, allowing himself to properly contemplate it. The idea of his lips meeting Phil's, of kissing him softly and sweetly, was an undeniably pleasant one. Dan bit his lip, thinking it over, and resolved to bring it up with Phil later. He figured no harm could come from talking about it, at least, once Phil was well again.


	18. Chapter 18

Phil slept on and off for what seemed like the rest of the day. He didn't stir much, unlike the night before when he had been a cat, unable to do more than cat nap from time to time. Occasionally, Phil would feel Dan nudge him awake and force Phil to do things for him like put something cold in his mouth, and he thought he remembered taking another potion that tasted like crap, but Dan never left his side. Phil could sense him using his magic for things, but he didn't move Phil or bother him too much in his sleep, just allowing Phil to rest instead.

Phil appreciated it more than he could say, snuffling against Dan but mostly happy where he was, just laying against his chest.

When he did finally wake up, more clear headed than before and finally feeling less horrible about the cat who'd bothered him in the early hours of the morning, Phil could see that the sun had gone down again. He yawned and stretched against Dan, nuzzled his chest a few times, and then sat up, body suddenly very restless. He was finally alert when he opened his eyes, and turned to find that Dan was apparently dozing himself, and looking particularly cute as he did so.

Phil smiled at him, and reached up with gentle fingers to press aside the bit of his fringe that was falling into his eyes. The motion was enough to rouse Dan, apparently, as he jolted awake with a loud cry of "What, what?" as if he wasn't sure if everything was okay. It made Phil giggle, and he ended up reaching for Dan's fingers and squeezing around them.

"Morning sleepy head," he teased, as if Dan had been the one to sleep all day.

Dan blinked, jolted awake before his time, and stared around the room in a slight panic. Was Phil okay? Had he moved? Dan must have dozed off without realising it as the day wore on, because he certainly felt as if he'd only just woken up. He glanced around in a slight panic until he caught sight of Phil sending him a mischievous grin, and then Dan settled back down again.

Phil was here, and he looked okay. Better than okay, actually. His eyes were brighter than before, and he was using actual sentences to speak to Dan, which was definitely an improvement. Maybe the potions Dan had forced down his throat were starting to work.

"Excuse you," Dan huffed, and reached out to ruffle Phil's hair up into spikes to retaliate. He sat up with a loud yawn, rubbing his eyes. It must be evening by now, because the sky outside the window was dark again. They'd properly messed up their sleeping schedules this time, but Dan couldn't even bring himself to care. Spending a day cuddled in bed with Phil was not a waste of a day in Dan's book.

He glanced back at Phil once his eyes were scrubbed, smiling a little and squeezing Phil's fingers back, glad that Phil had reached for him. "How are you feeling? Still whining like a spoiled child?" he teased with a smirk.

Phil ducked his head as Dan reached out and scrubbed up his hair, spiking it up a bit and making a mess of the sweaty locks - which reminded Phil of just how dirty and sweaty and sticky he currently felt. He shook his head as Dan pulled away, but he was grinning, staring down at Dan fondly and almost tempted to shove his own fingers through Dan's rumpled hair as well. He didn't, too invested in holding Dan's hand instead, and certain, since the world was still kind of spinning that if he attempted to reach out with his other hand, he'd surely go crashing down on top of Dan.

"I don't whine," Phil whined, and immediately blushed, giving in and letting go of Dan's warm fingers to swat at his chest playfully. He pouted as Dan laughed at him, and then just kind of... collapsed back on top of him, squashing Dan and uncaring when he let out an "ooph," now that he'd been forced to lay back on the bed. Phil made himself comfortable, shuffling about until his face was in the crook of Dan's neck, and then placed a kiss there.

"My head hurts," he complained. "Take care of me?" he requested, even as he knew Dan would do anything for him, even as he knew he was proving the other male right about his whiny spoilt-ness.

Dan huffed when he was unceremoniously pushed back down onto the bed and forced to resume his job as Phil-pillow, which he didn't remember signing up for, actually, but apparently had no choice in the matter now. He shook his head with a fond smile, and went back to carding his fingers through Phil's hair as Phil pushed his face as close into Dan's neck as he could.

"Of course I'll take care of you," Dan murmured in return, poking Phil's cheek gently. "I can't let the whiny child go without a responsible adult, now can I?" He chuckled when Phil whacked his chest _again_ , though he supposed he deserved it. Still. It wasn't Dan's fault Phil was so cute and needy when he was sick.

"That'll be the fever, making your head hurt." Dan assessed him as best he could, pushing Phil's hair back to feel his forehead again. The fever was down a bit, he thought, but still raging much higher than it should be. He tutted. "Bed rest, I think, for a few more days. Have you been feeling dizzy at all?" He slipped his fingers back through Phil's hair, gently tangling the strands. The gesture wasn't even just to comfort Phil; Dan was growing to love the feeling of that soft, silky texture against his fingers.

It seemed their new thing was going to be Phil whacking Dan every time he decided to be a cheeky little shit, but Dan just laughed it off even as Phil pouted against his skin. He curled into Dan, soaking up his warmth, feeling suddenly very cold, and pushed his arms around Dan's mid section. He just wanted to cuddle, and hugging Dan was literally the best feeling in the world. The least Dan could do was stop making fun of him - and yet, Phil knew he didn't really want him to. His heart sang every time Dan teased him good naturedly, and something told him that was Dan's best way of showing affection. Phil could accept that just as easily as he was accepting Dan's arms winding around him in return.

"Leave me alone," he complained, tightening his arms around Dan so he couldn't tease Phil back by doing just that. Dan merely chuckled at the complaint, and continued on, threading his fingers through Phil's hair as he spoke and asked gentle questions.

"Dizzy," he agreed, closing his eyes. "But only when I sit up." That was why, in large part, Phil had decided to merely shove Dan back into the bed and resume using him as a pillow. And the fact that he was cold. "I want to take a shower," he complained. "Or a bath," he added, sniffing at himself and wrinkling his nose at the scent. He was covered in sweat. Was that why he felt so cold? He shivered, and then buried his face back into Dan's neck, pressing another soft kiss there just because he could.

"I refuse to stay in bed without you, though. So bed rest is implausible. Find another cure."

Dan chuckled again, but he was undeniably in love with the way Phil was so _clingy_ like this. He kept pressing little kisses to Dan's neck, as well, which only led Dan's thoughts down the track of _what if they kissed elsewhere_ , what if he got brave enough to ask Phil to try kissing on the lips? The more Dan thought about the idea, the more he was itching to try it, but not when Phil was still vulnerable. Dan didn't want to ruin anything else by diving straight into something without properly considering the issues that might come with it.

He was tired of screwing things up with Phil.

Phil, however, seemed adamant not to have any time without Dan, to which Dan simply grinned and kissed the top of his head. "Well, you are a bit smelly," he conceded with a wicked smirk, unable to resist teasing Phil when it got such cute reactions out of him. "I'll run you a bath, whenever you decide to get off me."

He pursed his lips when Phil argued against staying in bed, though, shaking his head firmly. "Doctor’s orders, I'm afraid. You've got to give your body a chance to recover. I _could_ make you a stronger potion, but the taste gets even worse the stronger the dose." He winked at Phil, grinning. "Given how you reacted to the last one, I don't think you'd like that very much, hm?"

Except, honestly, Dan kind of loved the idea of spending the next few days in bed with Phil, holding him until he was properly recovered. His work could wait, right? PJ could handle it? ...Maybe?

" _Daaaan,_ " Phil whined, absolutely mortified as Dan agreed with him that he stank. It was one thing to be aware of the smell clinging to his skin, and an entirely different one to have his witch pointing it out to him. Mortified as he was, Phil shoved himself out of Dan's arms and onto the other side of Dan's bed - and right, he was in Dan's bed. That was a nice thought. Phil settled down into it with a little smile, and inhaled deeply the scent of Dan's sheets. He really liked being here with Dan, liked that Dan had accepted so much of him and had taken care of him all day.

As his mind cleared more and more though, he started to feel guilty for asking that Dan stick by his side until Phil had recovered as well. He knew Dan knew what he was doing, knew Dan wasn't trying to force him to remain bored and sickly in bed, but... but he also just didn't really want to not be with his witch.

He pouted some more and then sighed.

"I want the stronger potion," he decided primly. "And then I want the bath, and then - and then you have to leave me alone before you get sick too. I'm keeping you from your work. Or, at least, tomorrow I will be."

Phil's demands were all delivered with this prim little pout, and he looked so disgruntled about being sick in the first place that Dan couldn't resist leaning over to give him another kiss, this time on his forehead. He leaned back with a little grin. "Yes, Sir, whatever you say, Sir.” He rolled his eyes a bit, but he was still grinning. He really loved this side to Phil. It was vulnerable in a new way, in a way Dan knew he could deal with and poke fun at, and Phil wouldn't get offended.

Seeing as Phil had rolled off him now, Dan got up to his feet and held his hands out to Phil. "Come on then, let's get you a bath. Lean on me, though, you might be a bit wobbly," he warned, and steadied Phil the instant he tried to get upright, gripping tight onto both of Phil's arms to hold him firmly in place. "Slowly, go slowly. I don't want you falling over on me and cracking your head."

He walked Phil slowly over towards the door and headed for the bathroom, staying by his side and getting an arm around Phil's shoulders so that Phil could lean into his side.

Phil giggled as Dan called him “Sir”, staring up at him with big, wide eyes, and hoping that Dan would understand just how much Phil loved and appreciated him. He'd never been in a vulnerable position like this before, had never been made to need someone as much as he needed Dan, and it was both new, refreshing, and strange. He liked that he had someone to lean on now, though, especially when, now that he was in the human world, it seemed he was much more vulnerable to things than he'd been on his own. He'd never even known getting sick like this was possible, and now he never wanted to feel it again.

He was almost drunk on the strange sensation of walking while the world spun, but Dan helped Phil out of bed and then to the bathroom like it was no bother, like it was nothing new, and it probably wasn't considering Dan's profession, but Phil still appreciated it more than he could say.

"Don't worry about giving it to me, I'm resilient to most things. You can have more potion after you've washed and eaten, and then you're sleeping again." He pursed his lips. "We'll see how you are in the morning about work. I could just take the day off to look after you. It really isn't a chore." He grinned at Phil, depositing him carefully onto the edge of the bath before starting to run the water.

Once they were in the bathroom, Dan was helping Phil to settle down on the toilet lid while he got the bath water going, and Phil pouted as he spoke. He didn't mind taking a bath and eating before Dan would give him a higher dosage of the potion he'd been feeding to Phil, but he did mind the fact that Dan was considering taking a day off for him.

Of course it made his stomach feel all happy and fuzzy, and of course he knew he'd been the one to give Dan the idea in the first place, but that didn't change the fact that he felt bad about it.

"No," he complained. "I know it's not a chore. That's not the point. I can't take you from work because I'm clingy."

Dan pursed his lips, not too surprised when Phil disagreed with him. Still. It kind of hurt a little bit that Phil was saying he should stay away from him, even though it was to protect his work. Dan was an avid procrastinator at the best of times, so he kind of wanted to stay away from work whenever he could. Especially when he had Phil to care for.

"If I don't stay with you, I'll just be worrying about you all day," Dan argued, testing the water temperature with the back of his hands as he continued running the bath. "I can take days off if I need to. That's the good thing about being the boss, and PJ can handle things well enough on his own."

Phil bit his lip as Dan argued as to why he should be allowed to take the day off for Phil if he was still feeling sickly in the morning. It all sounded good, relaxed Phil and took away some of the guilt he felt at causing Dan any inconvenience, but it was still hard to agree with his witch that it would be okay for him to take time off from work. Mostly, Phil didn't want to be the cause, but he'd much rather have Dan with him than away, if he was being honest. He wasn't sure he would have slept as well as he had this afternoon if it hadn't been for Dan playing the part of his pillow.

"Okay. Fine. You can stay home tomorrow, but _only_ if I'm too ill to function on my own." Phil had never even been ill before, so he really had no idea how he was going to feel come tomorrow. He just knew that today, he was unstable and felt like crap, his body covered in far too much sweat, and his head aching like someone was banging pots against the inside of his skull.

Satisfied that he’d gotten his way, Dan nodded once, and then went back to focusing on drawing a bath for Phil. Once the bath was full, Dan got to his feet and turned back to Phil, biting his lip. Part of him didn't want to leave Phil alone, not when he was unsteady on his feet or struggling with fever, but also, Dan thought that he might make Phil a bit uncomfortable if he stayed while he was getting into the bath. But still, he kind of didn't want to leave. He didn't even know for sure if Phil was going to be okay.

But they had the bond. That would be enough, wouldn't it? He'd know if Phil was having trouble, and then he could come back in.

"I'll leave you to wash," Dan mumbled, getting up to his feet. "You'll be alright?" He hovered, still uncertain about leaving Phil alone, but also really not wanting to make him any more uncomfortable.

Finally, the bath was ready, and Phil stood as he felt the turmoil start to feed through the bond. Earlier that morning Phil had wanted a bath as well, but he'd brushed it off with the fear that he couldn't do it alone, and the stray thoughts and worries about how it would be if he took the bath with Dan instead. He was still a little uncomfortable with the idea of Dan seeing him naked so early on, especially after he'd been harassed, and so he was relieved when Dan eventually settled on leaving Phil on his own.

Phil gave him a grateful grin, and nodded his head at his question.

"We have the bond. You'd know the instant I wasn't okay," Phil promised him, just as Dan had promised him that morning.

As soon as Dan had shut the door behind Phil, Phil was stripping out of his sweaty pajamas and climbing into the bath, the warm water feeling like bliss against his sticky skin.

**

While Phil was in the tub, Dan busied himself in the lounge, settling into the sofa with a good book rather than getting anything productive done, like washing up the dishes from earlier or remaking the bed. He was worried about Phil, yes, but he was also still exceptionally lazy. Besides, he rationed, if Phil needed help then it was far better Dan wasn't doing anything important that he couldn't leave immediately. So it was for the best that he was curled up with a book, really.

He managed to lose himself in the story for the length of time it took Phil in the bath, which was a good thing really because it meant he didn't spend every second worrying about whether or not Phil was coping by himself, or if he needed Dan in there but was just too scared or shy or embarrassed to ask. Dan understood that, really he did. He shuddered at the thought of Phil seeing _him_ naked. But… there wasn't any pressure there. He hoped Phil knew that, that Dan would never take advantage or risk pushing something that neither of them wanted. Still, being naked was a new kind of vulnerable. It would be a hurdle to get over at some point.

They had the bond, though, Dan reminded himself. He'd know the second Phil was in any kind of trouble, because there were no shields up and he could feel the reminder that Phil existed buzzing away in the back of his skull, humming along in a constant reminder that Phil was alive and okay.

It felt like hours later when Phil finally felt warm and clean, body heavy and relaxed in the water, but the only problem was… well.

 _Dan,_ Phil whispered through the bond, a bit embarrassed and a lot shy.

 _Are you okay?_ came the panicked thought back. Phil grinned, feeling warmth blossom in his stomach.

_Yes. I just... need help climbing back out of the bath. Uhm. If that's okay._

Phil's limbs felt too heavy to lift them, as he'd already tried, and while he was still anxious about Dan seeing him naked again, he was also feeling better - about everything. The long soak had left his limbs feeling warm and new, and his skin didn't have the same painful prickling sensation that it had gotten earlier that day after Heric had come onto him. He thought he might be okay, now, if Dan was willing to just help him climb out of the water and slippery tub.

The call for him came when Dan was just finishing the chapter, but he put the book away straight away and jumped up to his feet, heading towards the bathroom without question. He hesitated just outside the door, though, figuring that Phil must still be in the bath if he needed help getting out of it. Maybe that hurdle about the nakedness was coming sooner than Dan had anticipated.

Phil needed him, though, and Dan was determined to get over any awkwardness in order to keep Phil safe. So he hovered outside the door for just long enough to say into the bond, _I'm coming in now. I promise I won't look...anywhere you don't want me to._ He could feel that Phil was a little bit worried about this, so soothed him with gentle thoughts as he twisted the door handle and entered the room.

Dan made absolutely sure to keep his eyes on Phil's face and no lower as he approached slowly. He'd already determined not to make this awkward at all, and as such, he was going to treat this just like any other time he'd helped Phil through his illness. He'd do anything to make sure Phil was comfortable. "You said you needed help getting out?" Dan asked, proud when his voice didn't crack at all.

He balked just a bit when he realised this would involve him touching Phil's _bare skin_ , but knew enough of where to draw the boundaries to be okay. He approached slowly, keeping his eyes on Phil's and not any lower, and offered his hands out, palm-up. "I won't touch you until you're ready. Just, take your time and then grab onto me, and I'll hold you steady while you step onto the rug, okay? And - wait --" Dan paused for just long enough to fish out a fresh towel, having it ready over his arm. "You can wrap up in this straight away. Alright?"

Dan was always so kind to Phil. It made him wonder why he'd worried so much about Dan having to help him out of the bathtub in the first place when already, before he'd even started to help, he was reassuring Phil and figuring out a way to do this so that it would be the least awkward for both of them, promising not to look anywhere that humankind deemed inappropriate and which made Phil nervous, especially after this morning. He didn't even much like the strange thing between his legs. He had one as a cat, but... not quite like this. It was strange, and uncomfortable, and weird, when he knew what humans often did with it.

The sight of the towel so close at hand helped to reassure Phil, and he took both of Dan's hands carefully in his, eyes locked on the warm brown of his witch’s, and allowed Dan to help pull him to his feet. He groaned at the sensation of his sore, sad muscles pulling, and he knew he wasn't much help, but Dan was strong enough to get him to his feet, gaze never once wavering from Phil's. Still, a blush spread across Phil's features as he realised just how exposed he was, and he did his best not to look away, needing the comfort of Dan's eyes on his.

"I've got you," Dan murmured. "Step over the ledge. I promise I'm not looking."

And he wasn't. He wasn't looking anywhere but at Phil's eyes, his hands secure in Phil's, and his words soft and comforting. Phil could feel him pushing soft, gentle thoughts at him, trying to reassure and comfort as best as he could, and, with shaking limbs, Phil managed to get his first foot out of the tub, and then the other. Instantly, Dan was letting go of his hands, reaching out instead to steady Phil by his shoulders while Phil snatched the towel and wrapped it around his body.

It was long. It started just under his armpits and descended down to his toes, covering every inch of him that mattered, and making him feel relaxed and safe. Once he was sure he had it secured, he looked back up at Dan to find that Dan was staring at something over his shoulder, gaze determined as he swallowed thickly.

Phil could feel his worry like a palpable force, and it made his heart warm.

"Okay. I'm decent," he teased, but even he could hear how quiet and unsure his own voice was.

Getting Phil out of the bathtub didn't take too long, which was good, though Dan was constantly assessing how unsteady he was on his feet to see whether the fever had worsened any. He'd be due another potion soon; in fact, Dan thought he'd just make a huge pot and leave it sitting in the fridge to administer to Phil whenever he needed it. Even though he'd demanded the stronger dose, Dan had no intention of letting him out of bed until he was fully recovered.

With his hands on Phil's shoulder, Dan kept staring over his shoulder at a fixed point on the wall, determined not to look. It wasn't just to make Phil comfortable, either - Dan didn't actually _want_ to look. He'd always found it just… awkward when people were naked, and he avoided the sight of human flesh whenever he could. He'd fast forward TV shows that had too many of those scenes, so it was for his benefit as well as Phil's that he wasn't looking.

Only when Phil reassured him he was decent did Dan risk looking back at him, though he didn't stop holding his shoulders. Phil still looked a bit unsteady and flushed under the towel. Dan smiled at him, trying to reassure because he could still hear the slight tremor in Phil's voice that told him he wasn't fully comfortable yet.

"Okay, so now you don't smell, you need a potion," Dan nodded, "But first--" he wound his arms around Phil's shoulders and tugged him close, pulling him into a gentle hug. With the towel there he felt safe enough, but pulled back after a moment, not wanting to freak Phil out. He took Phil's hand in his and gently led him over to the door. "You can borrow a jumper of mine for now. We'll have to take you clothes shopping soon."

It came as a surprise when Dan pulled Phil in for a brief hug, and he didn't even have a chance to decide if he felt safe enough to hug him back before Dan was pulling away again. It was both a relief and a disappointment to find that Dan's arms were no longer around him, and Phil stared at him longingly but with confusion brewing in his heart.

Dan's fingers were around in his seconds, and he led Phil from the bathroom carefully, with Phil having to reach out and steady himself on the door jamb before Dan thought to wrap his arm around Phil's waist. One look at Dan's face told Phil that he hadn't neglected to think of it, but hadn't wanted to make Phil uncomfortable, and he relaxed completely against Dan, eyes flicking to his lips and the small frown there. He wondered what it would feel like to press his lips to Dan's, wondered if it would be nice, or weird.

He'd seen that kissing could be a prelude to passion, but... but they'd kissed before, and kisses to a person's neck were just as intimate as kissing on the lips. Surely it could be okay? Phil bit his lip. It felt like something that could be good, that could make Phil feel like... feel safe with Dan.

He didn't know what he was thinking. He wished he could ask Dan about it, but the other male already had enough to worry about with Phil being sick and weak as he was.

"I've never felt like this before," he murmured as Dan lead him back to his bedroom and settled Phil down before moving to find Phil a spare change of clothes to get into.

Dan was oblivious to Phil's thoughts for the moment, not noticing that Phil's eyes may have lingered on his lips for a little too long. He was too concerned with getting Phil settled somewhere safe while he found him some clothes, and then he'd feel comfortable enough to properly cuddle him again.

Something tore at his chest at his little murmur from Phil, and he spun away from his drawer for a moment, meeting Phil's sad gaze. He supposed it wasn't any wonder, not really. Still, Dan was curious. "Do familiars have illnesses?" he asked, turning back to his wardrobe and pulling out some loose trousers and a giant, fluffy jumper that Phil could curl up in. "Sadly, it's not uncommon for humans. I mean, it would put me out of a job, but I kind of wish there was a cure for them all. You're going to feel a bit rough for a few days, I'm afraid, but it also gives you an excuse to laze around and demand cuddles, so."

Phil had only half meant that he'd never felt ill before, when he’d said that he’d never felt like this before. The other part of him had meant the strange craving he was having. It was strange and foreign and bordering on possibly too much. Phil didn't know how it would feel if he pressed his lips to Dan's, but he did know he was feeling the urge to do so, and he'd never felt something like this before. Even back home, he'd been uninterested in the kinds of affections the other familiars sometimes shared with each other, so this was entirely new to him.

"Familiars don't have illnesses in their own world," Phil agreed quietly instead, not wanting to bring up what was on his mind right now, and understanding completely how Dan felt about being out of a job. He'd seen the horrible illnesses that could sometimes come upon the human world, and he'd never wanted to have to deal with those things himself, had always wished they didn’t exist. He'd been so happy and proud to know his witch was a healer, that Phil would get to learn how to help people instead of fearing the death of his witch from some horrible illness, and he could feel just how soft Dan’s heart was in the wish that illness was not so common.

It only made Phil want to kiss him more, and he didn't know how to feel about that.

"There are no viruses there. Maybe it's just a way to keep us safe until we find our witch. Some think it's a soulmate, meant to be kind of thing, but I've - I've seen the sad stories, too, and being unable to die in that world is not always such a positive thing," Phil explained softly, a little sadly, staring at Dan's back as he got out some clothes.

Dan considered what Phil had told him about familiars. It was interesting to think about how there was a society so close to their own world where illness didn't exist, full of creatures with wild magic and insanely strong bonds. Maybe they'd started to join with witches to keep everyone safe, so witches could learn stronger magic but the familiars didn't risk their own explosive magic. Illnesses and explosive magic probably didn't mix well, either, come to think of it. Dan recalled the storm clouds in his room from earlier and bit back a shudder.

Dan returned to Phil's side and pressed the clothes into his hands, biting his lip as he was met with another dilemma. He really didn't want to leave Phil alone when he was unsteady on his feet like this. "...How would you feel about changing behind the towel, if I held it up? I just don't want you to fall and hurt yourself," he explained all in a rush, suddenly desperate to make himself clear. "I don't want to look, or anything. I just… don't want you falling and cracking your head open if I'm not here to catch you."

Phil accepted the clothes from Dan quickly as he handed them to Phil, eager to get dressed again, and only paused in standing up when Dan looked at him and bit his lip, seeming unsure how he wanted to go about this. For one moment, Phil felt a thrill of fear that Dan was going to want to stay and watch, but then Dan was speaking up and rushing to explain to Phil how he just wanted to make sure that Phil didn't get hurt if he was left alone for too long.

Phil trusted Dan more than he trusted anyone in the world, so slowly, he nodded his head. "Okay," he agreed quietly, his voice shaking. "Uhm. Can you close your eyes for a second?" he asked, waiting for Dan to do so before he was unwrapping himself and gently pushing the towel into Dan's hands.

Instantly, Dan was lifting the towel in front of his face, spreading it out so he couldn't see Phil even if he wanted too, and Phil stood there, buck naked, just... wishing he could see Dan's eyes for that little bit of needed comfort.

He didn't want Dan to see him naked, no. He didn't like the thought of that at all, but he wanted Dan to _see_ him, to look at him and reassure Phil that Phil wasn't... unwanted because of this. Sighing softly, Phil moved with shaking limbs to get changed, exhausted and sore all over.

Conversationally, he asked, "How do I avoid getting sick again?"

Dan hid behind the towel quickly, feeling his face beginning to flush despite himself. Being so close to a naked Phil was having a weird effect on him - not because he wanted to _do_ anything, but because it showed a kind of trust and intimacy that he'd never had with anyone before. He didn't count his patients, because that was clinical, but caring for Phil was more than that. He actually _wanted_ to make him feel better.

"There's not really much you can do to avoid it," Dan explained ruefully. "I can make something that should build up your resistance a bit, but basically, people can carry illnesses around and you wouldn't even know it." He could feel Phil's tension and upset, and sent calming thoughts through the bond. Just because he couldn't see Phil right then didn't mean Dan wasn't still right there for him. "You'll be alright though," Dan promised him quietly.

Phil pouted as Dan informed him that there was no real way for him to avoid getting sick, other than taking potions that would help him with his immunity to it all. He already knew he was going to jump on that possibility the second Dan was willing to brew those potions up, but he was still disappointed that he was always going have to deal with things like these - things that made him feel miserable and sore all over. The thought of it at all made him crave Dan's touch, but he wasn't changed yet, and he didn't want to make either of them uncomfortable. Dan was there with his soothing thoughts and emotions, though, and that helped until Phil had finished getting changed, letting Dan know in the hopes that he'd get cuddles now.

As soon as Phil said that he was changed, Dan dropped the towel and smiled warmly when he saw Phil standing there in a giant jumper looking very sorry for himself. He was just so _cute_ that Dan couldn't resist reaching out to pull him into another hug, resting his chin on Phil's shoulder and pulling him close. He had the weird urge to be close to Phil again, touching him as much as possible, maybe out of some weird need to keep him safe from whatever illness was making him so miserable.

Phil did get cuddles then. Dan smiled warmly at him before dragging Phil into his arms and resting his chin on Phil's shoulder. Phil swallowed thickly as he wrapped his own arms around Dan's waist, fingers fitting just at the dip in his hip bones. He couldn't stop thinking about Dan's mouth and how much he wanted to kiss him there, though, and being so close to him wasn’t helping. There was a nervous thrum under Phil’s skin that made him feel like he was aching for that kind of intimacy, and it should have been terrifying, but it really wasn’t. The only terror came from Phil not knowing what Dan would think of the whole idea.

"How contagious am I?" he wondering, biting his lip, not wanting Dan to wonder about his silence and ask what he was thinking.

What if he just did it, and if he just kissed Dan, just like that? Could he do that? Or would that be considered rude? And if he was very contagious, wouldn't kissing Dan _there_ threaten to give Dan the illness too?

"You're probably a bit contagious," Dan answered, though he didn't pull back from Phil even an inch, instead opting to speak into his shoulder. He had his arms around Phil, and Phil had his arms around Dan, and Dan really wasn't going to do anything to change that situation until he absolutely had to. "You don't have to worry about me, though. We've been eating the same food and sharing the same space, if I was going to catch it then I would have by now."

He rested his head on Phil's shoulder, pressing a small kiss to the crook of his neck just because it was there and he could. He could still feel that Phil was miserable and sore and probably tired from standing up so much, especially when he hadn't been sick like this before. He must be feeling really miserable. Dan wished he could just take it away, but other than giving Phil potions and lots of physical affection, there was really very little he could do.

Phil didn't understand illnesses. He'd seen a lot of it, knew from watching the human world for the first twenty-odd years of his life that not all of it was deadly and in fact many viruses were incredibly common and normal, but he still didn't understand them. Whatever he had, and he would eventually make Dan explain it to him, Dan apparently felt comfortable enough with that he didn't think he'd get it, and if he did, wouldn't mind it nearly as much as Phil currently did. He supposed, if he was right about this being a common thing, that this was a better thing to have than some of the other horrendous illnesses he'd sometimes seen while watching the world pass by below him.

Time passed so much differently in the human world than it did in his own. Phil was glad for that. He wanted to savor every second he had with Dan.

And part of savouring that was getting to have all the good things. Right now, Phil really wanted to kiss Dan. The urge was almost desperate and needy. He craved that intimacy, to the point where when Dan started to try and move him back out to the sofa so they could sit together and hopefully cuddle some more, he couldn't help staring at Dan's lips instead. His heart was racing in his chest, something warm and hot spreading out from it - nervous. It just felt... like something he needed. Something important. Kisses on each others skin, casual touching, it was all good and well, but Phil wanted _more_. Just a little more.

Would he even like it?

"Come here," Dan murmured, moving back to take Phil over to the sofa so they could sit. He got stuck on the way, though, because he made the mistake of looking into Phil's eyes, and Phil was staring straight at his lips. Dan swallowed, suddenly reminded of the urge to kiss Phil properly. It would be _so easy_ to lean close and press their mouths together, but he didn't even think Phil _knew_ about that. Phil would surely freak out again, wouldn't he?

But what if Dan brought it up?

Swallowing again, Dan moved a bit closer, unable to help himself. He was so close, his face mere inches away from Phil's by now. Dan drew in a slow, careful breath, and asked a little hoarsely, "Would you - um - how would you feel if I wanted to try something?"

Before he knew it, Dan was standing so close to his face that Phil went a little cross-eyed, huffing out a surprised breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. His fingers were shaking, and Dan was staring at Phil's lips as well.

Phil's eyes flickered back to Dan's as he spoke.

"Good," Phil mumbled back. _I'd feel good._

His eyes fluttered shut the way he'd seen happen in the movies, and he waited, unsure what to do with his trembling fingers and the anxiety brewing in his stomach, but certain, certain Dan was going to kiss him the way he wanted.

Dan froze, stock still, for half-a-second. He was a bit surprised by how Phil had gone pliant, how he'd closed his eyes and all but given Dan permission without even knowing what Dan was going to do. But, was that really true? They were close enough, similar enough, that there was a very good chance that Phil was on the same page as Dan, especially with how he'd been acting. He hadn't moved back from Dan, either, even though they were closer than they'd ever been.

Dan could take this opportunity. He'd never done this before, sure, didn't even know if he'd like it, but the urge was right there and Phil seemed agreeable to trying, at least. He could do it. Just a quick peck, just to test the waters. It didn't have to lead to anything more, and then he'd have satisfied his curiosity and could move on with life as normal.

Just once. He could try it just this once.

Nervous, Dan drew in another breath, then carefully took Phil's head between both his hands. He'd never done this before, no, but the movements were mostly instinctual as he closed the last bit of distance between them and pressed his lips to Phil's.

Phil's heart lurched in his chest the second Dan's hands touched his cheeks, cradling him there, soft and warm and everything he'd ever needed in his life. He hadn't realised just how insecure he'd been feeling about everything that had happened that morning until Dan was touching him in a way that Phil had never thought he would. It was one thing for Dan to still want to pet over his skin, reassure Phil that he still loved him despite the other cat having touched Phil in ways he didn't want to be touched, but to have Dan very intimately cradling his face like Phil was still the most precious and important thing to him meant the world.

He hiccupped on a little sad, choked up sound that he couldn't even explain, and just waited, desperate for Dan to kiss him. He wanted to be kissed, wanted to be shown that Dan in no way blamed or hated him for what had happened that morning. He didn't know why this mattered to him, but... but it was like Dan was showing him that Phil was still his.

Their lips touched, and it was like a fire had been lit between the two of them. Phil's heart went crazy, his breathing catching as their lips touched tentatively, and then a little more firmly, until Dan was tilting his head and kind of just... gently taking Phil's bottom lip between his own. It made Phil melt, absolutely melt against Dan, and he never wanted it to stop. He could feel this happy buzz under his skin, and his heart felt like it was soaring, he felt so close to Dan. When Dan pulled away, he nearly protested, chasing Dan's lips only for Dan to meet him halfway, silencing the tiny little whine Phil had let out. He kissed Phil again and again, nuzzling his lips against Phil's softly, sweetly, before trapping Phil's bottom lip between his again and sucking lightly, so lightly, in a motion that Phil mimicked the best he could.

Dan's eyes fell closed naturally, and before he knew it, he was pressing himself so close that he could feel Phil's heart beating through his chest. He'd been aiming for just a peck, but as soon as his mouth met Phil's, it was like he couldn't get enough. He drew back once, but straight away went back in, feeling Phil melt a bit against him. Dan completely lost himself to the moment, his movements slow and sweet and just as gentle as he'd always wished to be.

Their chests touched, and Phil could feel Dan's heart beat. It made him grin, giggle a little against Dan's lips, to feel his heart was racing as well, and he reached up to very lightly press the palms of his hands against Dan's chest. This felt like a moment he didn't want to break, and he found his body leaning into Dan's that little bit more, until Dan's fingers were tracing gentle lines against his cheeks.

It was good. It was better than Phil had anticipated, soft and sweet and good in every way. He thought he could get used to it, could enjoy having it happen more often, but something told him it wasn't something he'd always crave. It was special, something to hold onto on good days, and today was one of those days.

When they finally pulled away, Phil's face was red and his lips curved up in a soft smile. His eyes caught Dan's easily enough, and he nearly melted all over again at the softness contained there.

Phil didn't know what to say, so he dropped his head into the crook of Dan's neck, and just breathed their lightly, mouth still tingling from where Dan had kissed him.

Dan, weirdly, had the urge to laugh. Well, not _laugh_ exactly, more like let out a little giggle that encompassed so much of his happiness and confusion and affection for Phil just then. So he did, giggling just a little, and moved his arms to wrap firmly around Phil's shoulders, holding him against him. Phil's head was resting in the crook of Dan's neck, and Dan laid his cheek on top of Phil's head, resting in his hair. He relished in the feeling of having Phil in his arms.

They'd done it. They'd kissed. And it was… good. Good in a way that Dan hadn't been expecting. He really _had_ been just intending a quick peck, only then Phil had kissed him back and Dan had sort of melted into it. It was easy to be guided by Phil's movements, to hold him and nuzzle into him because it felt _right._ The answering burst of warmth that spread across Dan's chest told him that he had definitely enjoyed the kiss.

Dan savoured the moment, holding Phil tight against him. He never thought he'd want this, never thought he'd even have the opportunity to _try_. Now he'd had a go, though, Dan thought he could quite like kissing. At least some of the time, anyway.

More than that, though, Dan was definitely a fan of cuddling. He loved the way Phil was pressed against him just then, close enough that he could feel both their hearts beating. Having Phil standing in his clothes and in his arms was… actually really nice in a way Dan hadn't been expecting.

"Come here," Dan murmured, and this time managed to successfully manoeuvre them both until they were settled on the sofa in the lounge. He'd not wanted to go to the bed, not quite happy with what that could imply - they'd gone far enough, and Dan was absolutely certain he'd never want to go any further.

As soon as they were settled on the sofa, though, Dan had his arm around Phil's shoulder and was firmly tugging until he managed to get Phil pressed against his chest. He held him there, leaning in to press another kiss to the top of Phil's head, and murmured, "Was that okay? I feel like we should talk about that."

If Phil had been a cat, he'd be purring right then and there. He felt so _good_ and like his insides had been lit on fire in the best way, and Dan's arms were around him, his head pressed right to the top of Phil's. Surely nothing in life could be better than this moment right here, where Dan was holding him and comforting him and reassuring him that everything was okay. That Phil was his, and that nothing could ever change that. He sighed, melting against Dan, happy that they could touch so fully like this and be okay, and wasn't even distressed by Dan speaking up just to tell Phil to come with him.

He moved easily, pliant in Dan's arms, climbing onto the sofa and leaning into Dan the moment he reached out for him. By the time they'd gotten settled, Phil was pressed into Dan's chest again, and it felt amazing. His body was sprawled out feline-like with Dan holding him tightly, pressing soft kisses to his head.

"More than okay," Phil agreed in a small rumble, sighing and smiling happily. He'd never had something like that, hadn't known if he would like it, and now he was certain that he did. That he could enjoy something a lot more special than anything else they'd done so far. Glancing up at Dan's worried face, Phil leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, too nervous to try chastely kissing Dan on the lips again. "We can talk about it," he agreed. "Are you okay? Was it okay with you? I... I liked it. A lot. I don't know if I always will, but..." Phil trailed off, pressing his face into Dan's chest again for comfort.

Dan relaxed at the reassurance that Phil was happy, that he had liked to be kissed, and Dan hadn't inadvertently made him uncomfortable. He tightened his grip, cradling Phil against him as Phil pressed his face into his chest, and laughed a bit at Phil's own questions in return. "Oh, no, I definitely liked it," Dan assured him, chest rumbling with warmth and laughter and _happiness_.

He'd never felt like this before. He never thought he _would_ feel like this. Right now, this was… wonderful, in a homey, contented sort of way.

"I was more worried about you," Dan explained, nudging his face gently against Phil's hair, breathing him in. "After that horrible cat last night, and with how sick you are… I didn't want to take advantage. Honestly, I've been thinking about kissing you all day." Dan's face screwed up a bit at that confession. "I wasn't even sure you knew what it was. But I'm really glad you liked it, I think… I think that's something we can do more often, if not all the time."

It made Phil smile instantly to know how worried Dan had been for him. The best feeling was knowing that Dan would never do something that Phil didn't want, that he'd always look out for him and tread carefully when things were bad. Phil could understand how Dan would have been afraid of kissing Phil after this morning, and he pulled back from his arms to give him a reassuring smile.

"I think... I needed that, after this morning," Phil admitted. "I - I was scared you wouldn't want me, or like me anymore. I don't know, I was just. Scared. Even with all the comfort and the way you gave me what I needed. I couldn't stop thinking about you kissing me either, and I thought... I thought it could be good. It made me feel safe. Like I was yours." Phil hoped he'd explained that right, that Dan would understand and not worry anymore that he'd done something wrong.

He most definitely had not done something wrong, and Phil's lips still felt electric.

"It was special. It made me feel special. It made me feel loved," Phil murmured, and tucked his face into Dan's neck again, cuddling there. He liked the small space. It felt like home, and was somewhere he liked to put his face when he was a cat as well. It was the perfect little nook for Phil. He was bursting with affection for Dan.

"I know from your memories that it can often be a prelude to something more... and I was scared, but you promised I'd never have to do that, so I trusted it would be okay. And it was." Phil pulled back again, restless as he was, to grin at Dan and take his face in his hands. His fingers caressed Dan's cheeks the way Dan had caressed his earlier.

"I love you," he murmured. "It's something special, to have that. I want... I think I want that sometimes."

Having Phil hiding away in the crook of his neck was quickly becoming one of Dan's favourite things. This way, he could wrap himself completely around Phil and surround him in warmth, while getting the joy of having a warm, wriggling body pressed tight to his own. Dan closed his eyes and cradled Phil there, heart bursting with warmth that Phil had been thinking about it too, that he'd wanted to kiss him too. That made everything so much better.

When Phil leaned back, Dan grumbled a bit at losing his comfortable resting place, but then Phil was cupping his face carefully and reassuring Dan that he loved him. Dan smiled widely, dimples appearing, and reached up to wind his arms around Phil's back, drawing him closer.

"I love you too," he murmured, eyes bright and darting all over Phil's face. He'd never imagined he'd have this, that he'd be able to hold someone and love someone like this. "I like the sound of sometimes. Whenever we feel like it. I know what you mean. It felt like… I was yours, too."

Phil was relieved to hear that Dan understood exactly where Phil was coming from and how he felt. He'd been afraid that it was... weird to cling to the want to belong to Dan, was afraid that it would press too close to home for Dan and make him repulsed and awkward again. Phil would never mind when Dan was having a bad day, but the idea of Phil wanting to _belong_ to Dan causing Dan anxiety broke Phil's heart, so this was good. This was great. This was... everything Phil had hoped for and more because Dan was reassuring Phil that they could have that reassurance anytime they felt they needed it.

"You are mine," Phil teased, and leaned in to very gently press his lips to Dan's again. This time, it was nothing more than lips pressing to lips, moving lightly against each other's for a second before Phil was pulling away again and pushing his hand through Dan's hair to card his fingers there. It felt nice, touching Dan like that, and Phil sighed as he moved to sprawl across Dan's chest and rest his head over his heart again.

"As nice as it feels to kiss you," Phil mumbled, "I do still feel like crap. Am I getting my bigger dose today?" he whined, his head still pounding and something sharp and kind of painful pricking at his throat.

Dan snickered a bit when Phil sprawled against him again just after they'd shared quite a special moment in Dan's opinion. Having Phil kiss him, initiating it himself the first time… now that was something special. Especially as it was more an affectionate peck than a deep kiss, the sweetness of that moment made Dan feel treasured and loved in a way that fully respected him.

He wrapped an arm around Phil and chuckled, pressing his face into the top of Phil's hair. "The fussiest patient ever, you are. Yes, I'll make you up that potion as soon as you let me move." He tightened his grip around Phil, though, wanting to keep him in place rather than head off to do something just then, even though Phil must be feeling terrible.

Phil made a pitiful whining noise when Dan teased him again, telling Phil that he was going to have to let Dan go if he wanted Dan to make him that potion. Unwilling to do so, Phil moaned a little about it, ecstatic when Dan didn't attempt to get up, but rather tightened his own hold around Phil to keep him in place. Phil nuzzled at his chest, glad he could do so, and happy for the distraction from his pounding head. He wondered if this was going to get worse, and had the terrible feeling that it would.

Dan swept the sweaty hair off Phil's forehead, feeling for his temperature again. He gave a quiet hum. "Yeah, you've still got a bit of a fever I'm afraid. Still dizzy and hot?" At Phil's miserable nod, Dan drew him in and nuzzled lightly at his head. "Don't worry. I give you full permission to be as needy as you like until this has gone away."

Dan's fingers were nice and relaxing and cold as he swept Phil's fringe from his eyes and instead pressed his hand to his forehead. It took Phil a moment to register that every time Dan did that, he was attempting to check Phil's temperature, checking if he was okay or not. It made Phil grin, and he closed his eyes as Dan touched him.

"You shouldn't give me permission," Phil whined. "I'll just drive you nuts." But Phil was secretly glad that Dan was going to allow him to be as needy as he wanted, and decided that, if Dan wasn't going to try and get up to make Phil's potion, Phil would just lay here and sleep instead.

He didn't actually expect to drift off, but his head _did_ hurt, and no one could really blame him after all.

Dan chuckled. "You already drive me nuts, so really it can't hurt at all." He threaded his fingers soothingly through Phil's hair, savouring the feeling of just having him close again. Having someone pressed against him like this was a new and rather beautiful sensation, and it felt intimate in a warm, safe way - exactly what Dan craved.

He smiled when Phil nuzzled against him, apparently making himself quite comfortable and deciding not to move again. Dan didn't really mind acting as a Phil-pillow though. At least, not for now. The feelings of being trapped were much less when they were lying this way, with Phil in Dan's arms, and for the moment Dan was absolutely living for it. There wasn't much he'd want to trade this for.

Still, it did kind of suck that Phil was feeling so miserable. Dan could feel through the bond that he was truly uncomfortable and unused to the feeling of being sick, and Dan sighed. What kind of healer was he, if he couldn't even take care of his own familiar...

Wait. _Dan was a healer._ What kind of idiot was he?! There was more to his magic than just potion making, but he'd been so distracted by his new, weird urge to kiss Phil that he'd all but forgotten it. Dan berated himself internally as he stroked through Phil's hair again, gathering up his magic.

"I'm testing something - don't freak out," Dan whispered to Phil, trusting that his familiar would trust him. With no further explanation he opened up the bond, nudging delicately at it, and felt his way carefully into Phil's mind. When Dan was healing patients, he usually had to rely on them telling him where it hurt before he could centre his magic, but with Phil he could just use the bond to see for himself. It allowed him to be much more precise.

The illness seemed focused on Phil's head, where he felt fuzzy and miserable, though his bones and joints were aching as well. While Dan had yet to find a cure for a fever, there were things he could do to ease its passing. Gently, he nudged his magic over the sore bits, adding gentle comfort and draining away painful fluid or tiredness wherever he found it. He was careful not to use too much of his magic, though, having learned his lesson about exhausting himself.

When Dan drew away, he threaded his hands back through Phil's hair, the leftover resonants of his magic tingling under his skin. "How's that?" he asked gently. "Any better?"

Dan's voice was gentle against his ears, pressing against him and nudging Phil awake enough to take in what Dan was saying. Phil's heart skipped a beat for a moment, and he tensed, unsure, but he quickly found himself relaxing and humming against Dan, doing his best to inform him that Phil would trust him and wouldn't freak out.

Phil did trust him, after all, regardless of how terrifying the whole thing was, being half-asleep with a headache and no proper idea of what Dan was attempting to do.

Then the magic touched him, and Phil felt Dan pressing against his mind, asking for access to their bond in a more intimate way than normal, but nowhere near as close as he'd come the last two times he'd had to heal Phil. It was strange not to be pressed nearly soul to soul, but it was also good, and Phil relaxed further as he realised what Dan was trying to do, the cooling touch of his magic intertwining a bit with Phil's own warmer magic, and soothing over aches and pains in Phil's head.

It was wonderful. It was always a wonderful sensation when Dan healed him, touching parts of him that only Dan ever could or would be allowed to, and soothing over them like a cool massage.

Dan's magic was a beautiful thing as well. With their souls not quite touching, Phil could actually see it as more like an observer, from further away. It was blue and cooling, like Phil's eyes, whereas Phil could see his own twining with Dan's in a hot burst of red so dark it was nearly black. It reminded Phil of Dan in that way, and he liked the way the two colors looked when they collided in Phil's mind.

By the time Dan had pulled back, Phil could even feel that his nose was less... heavy feeling. He could breathe easier, and he hadn't even noticed before that there had been sinus pressure on top of everything else.

While Phil didn't feel amazing, he did feel _good_ , and that was more than he could have asked for.

"Much," Phil murmured, letting out a gentle sigh. He was lying more on his back, now, practically between Dan's legs with his head lolling just under his chin. He looked up at Dan's gentle gaze, watched as his fingers threaded through his hair, and smiled softly. "Thank you."

Dan grinned, proud of himself when Phil admitted to feeling better. He was always pleased when his work as a healer paid off, but it meant something more when it was Phil he'd finally managed to do something good for. After all the damage he'd done at the start, it only seemed right that Dan made up for it now.

Looking at Phil now, sprawled between his legs with his head resting comfortably against Dan's neck, it was hard to imagine that Dan had almost rejected Phil back then. His life would seem so… empty without Phil in it now. Dan was getting used to there being two people in his flat.

He was also getting used to having Phil in his arms. He smiled when Phil looked straight up at him, and bent down to press another tiny, chaste kiss to Phil's lips. "No problem. You tell me when you feel bad again, alright?" he pressed another quick kiss to Phil's lips before leaning back, wrapping his arms around him and sighing happily. It felt… good, to be able to kiss Phil whenever he wanted.

Phil was humming in lieu of purring, the feeling bursting through him with a need to come out as Dan pressed two more soft, chaste kisses to his lips. That feeling was an incredible one, the most amazing sensation Phil had ever enjoyed, and he had no idea what to do with himself as Dan kept causing it over and over again. He just wanted to melt into the feeling, melt into Dan and never let go.

Which he technically could, and technically was doing as he lay sprawled out in Dan's lap, nestled between his legs, still feeling ill but nowhere near as ill as before. He wondered if what Dan had done would help his illness heal faster, or if it would just help the symptoms for the time being, but as Dan requested that he tell him when it hurt again, Phil nodded sleepily and peered up at Dan quietly.

Watching the light play across his features, and the way he looked when he was watching Phil, it was... something different, something special. There was a softness to Dan that Phil hadn't gotten to see nearly as much as he would have liked, and he felt special having that attention now.

They spent most of the day resting lazily like that, with Phil securely wrapped in Dan's arms. Dan, at some point, reached out to switch the TV on, making Phil grumble at having to be moved. Dan poked his nose and chuckled, but he'd promised to let Phil be as needy as he had to be for the rest of the day. Not that Dan was exactly complaining when he got to lie back and study Phil all day.

Dan had sent PJ a message earlier explaining that Phil was sick and he had to take the day off, and PJ had immediately replied saying that he'd take care of it. There was an undertone to his text that implied he expected Dan to take this time to iron out any more creases in his relationship with Phil, but as Dan held Phil in his arms, ran his fingers through his hair, and listened to his pleased humming, Dan would say that all creases were now smooth.

One of the most special things about Phil was how _warm_ he was. With him pressed right up against his chest like this, Dan basically had his own personal radiator, and he couldn't be happier. Dan had a tendency to get cold, but having Phil around made that all but impossible.

After many hours curled up together that Dan really didn't want to leave, he stirred at the thought that he really should make that potion up for Phil. It was starting to get dark outside, and much as he loved watching old sitcoms with Phil and explaining which bits were realistic human culture and which bits weren't, he knew Phil would be feeling rough again soon and would want another potion.

So Dan gave a half-hearted push at Phil's shoulder, stretching out as much as he could. "Let me up? I'm going to make your potion. Also, my legs are asleep. You're heavy," he teased with a gentle smile, ruffling Phil's hair in affection.

Phil dozed on and off for the rest of the day. He felt really fuzzy anytime he was awake, but Dan was also always right there and ready to press delicate kisses all over Phil's head should he look like he needed it - and Phil made sure to look like he needed it as often as he could, because he loved the way it felt to have Dan pressing kisses all over his head, his fingers soft and warm against Phil's skin wherever he was touching - Phil's arms, his forehead, occasionally his sides.

It took a long time for Phil to register the fact that he'd slept through the night the previous day, and that Dan had called in sick without Phil's permission or knowledge at some point during one of Phil's naps, but he was too tired at that point to complain, much more interested in cuddling up to Dan and being as needy as he possibly could be.

It wasn't until much later that Dan finally nudged Phil to budge off of him, and he did so with a tired groan as he rolled over and shoved his face into the sofa cushions, waving Dan off as he teased Phil and reassured him that he was just going to leave and make the potion. Too tired to argue, let alone care, Phil just let him go, and sighed as his heavy eyelids slipped shut again and he was left to doze some more.

When he finally woke again, Dan was helping Phil into a sitting position with soft, murmured words of encouragement while he pressed something to Phil's lips, urging him to drink. The smell was pungent and disgusting, making Phil's stomach twist with distaste, to the point where he shook his head and refused it. Dan didn't give up easily, though, and through his muddled thoughts, Phil grew pliant and just did as he was told.

"... hungry? Feel bad again?" Dan was asking, but Phil's mind was too wrecked to really pay any attention, and he pitched forward and into Dan's arms instead of answering, nearly whining at the feeling of cold limbs wrapping back around him. The world was moving a lot, and Phil didn't like it, scrambling to catch hold of Dan's shirt and shove his face back into what he hoped was his neck.

An armful of a sick Phil was a heavy one, as it turned out, as well as an incredibly cute one. Dan chuckled softly, helping him back onto the sofa and staying close enough that Phil's head was buried in his neck. Dan used one hand to stroke softly through his hair, nuzzling into him, while his other wrapped tight around Phil's long body to keep him in place.

Phil was trembling a bit. He looked really miserable, too, and through the bond Dan was getting various senses of discomfort and misery. It tugged at Dan's chest to know Phil was suffering and he couldn't do anymore for it. Still. He could at least hold Phil against him, comfort him with touches and soft words.

Phil hadn't answered Dan if he was hungry with anything more than a whine, so Dan decided he could wait a while longer. Dan pressed a kiss to the top of his head and held him a while longer, murmuring, "Oh, Phil. It won't last forever, I promise." Figuring loud noises might not actually help his headache, though, Dan spoke through their bond instead, nudging gently against it. _I've got you. Do you need to eat?_

Phil was disgruntled. He'd thought he was feeling better, and now he'd crashed into a misery unlike any other he'd ever known. His throat hurt, his head was pounding, and he couldn't seem to focus on anything. Being asleep was better than being awake, but Dan's arms were around him and he was holding Phil so gently that Phil didn't really want to sleep. He wanted to focus on Dan's cool hands against him.

He startled a bit as Dan suddenly nudged at the bond, seeming to find that an easier way to communicate now than speaking verbally, and Phil made a small noise of contentment. _Not hungry,_ he complained, pressing his nose into Dan's skin and inhaling deeply. Had he found his neck? Phil wasn't sure, but he kissed him anyway.

 _Shouldn't have stayed home,_ he complained, but clung tighter to Dan's shirt anyway. For as grumpy as he was, he didn't mind owning up to being needy at this point.

Dan's lips twitched. Despite Phil's apparent misery, he was still pretty good at clinging to Dan and kissing at his neck. The feeling there had a slight tremor running down Dan's spine, but it wasn't overwhelming or especially unpleasant, so Dan dealt with it in favour of keeping Phil curled up like this against him.

Phil's feline nature was never truly hidden. Even now, when he was most definitely a human, he was curling around Dan just like a cat seeking attention. Dan was more than happy to give it to him, shuffling back a bit against the cushions so he could hold Phil more securely against him.

 _If you're sure,_ Dan answered back, feeling the familiar thrum of intimacy at speaking like that, in the privacy of their bond. He could feel Phil's neediness as he clung to Dan, and Dan sighed softly, nuzzling against Phil's hair. _Hey, I can call off sick whenever I want. Besides, I've got a patient up here to be caring for._

 _I'm sure,_ Phil managed. It was always easier to speak through the bond like this, less of a strain especially when he was tired, but today his mind just felt a little frazzled, and it didn't feel quite as easy. He hummed anyway, and nuzzled into Dan with a sleepy little yawn. _Just don't want to ruin your day,_ Phil added gently, pressing his body into Dan's a little more tightly now that the world had stopped seeming to move, and Dan seemed a more solid mass.

He wondered if this was upsetting Dan, if having Phil all over him was maybe too much, but Dan hadn't complained so far, so Phil just let himself curl up against him the same way he would have done had he been in cat form. Part of him wondered if he'd be happier as a cat right then, and considered making the change.

 _Would it be averse if I changed forms? How would it affect the virus if I was a different host,_ he wondered. He couldn't just change forms every time he got sick, though. Dan had mentioned being largely immune from exposure over the years. Maybe Phil just needed to wait this one out.

Dan furrowed his brows, making a small noise of interest. He hadn't actually considered that before - that Phil might be able to change forms, and how that would affect the illness. He considered it, now, with his fingers absent-mindedly running through Phil's hair.

 _I don't honestly know,_ he answered after a few moment's thinking. _Animals have different illnesses to humans. It may well be that it can't follow your biology into cat form - although you being a familiar might change that. Magic tends to confuse biology, or at least, familiar magic does._ Dan's tone was warm, and he nosed affectionately at Phil's hair, cradling him in his arms. His thumb had found a sliver of skin showing beneath Phil's giant jumper, and he was rubbing it affectionately.

 _You should be able to try it without risk,_ Dan offered up. _And I'll be right here to help if something goes wrong. If you'd be more comfortable as a cat, I see no reason why you can't at least try it._ He kissed the top of Phil's head. _And don't worry about my day. As if I'd complain when I get to have you in my arms._

Phil felt a shiver of warmth run up his spine as Dan's finger found a sliver of skin just under his jumper to play with. He mewled at the soft touch, and cuddled in deeper to Dan's arms. There was nothing he liked more than having Dan hold him like this, and he could feel Dan pressing his nose against his hair, which was also a nice feeling. Everything with Dan was just generally a nice feeling.

Phil knew Dan was right, though. Familiar magic was a strange thing, and it had already proven to have strange effects in the human world than it had had in his own world. It made him a little bit worried about changing forms, but he'd much rather be a cat right then, even if it didn't keep him feeling so miserable. He was too achy in this giant, lanky form, unsure what to do with himself and where to lay to keep himself from aching too much.

His fur would make him feel even more warm than he already did, though, and he wondered if it would be worth it to switch forms.

He smiled as Dan told him how much he liked having Phil in his arms, and nuzzled into him again, breathing out a laugh.

 _Shush,_ he teased, but he hoped Dan could feel all the warm feelings him saying that had given Phil.

He contemplated trying to change form again for a short while before finally deciding to just go ahead and go for it, relaxing against Dan in order to focus on his magic instead. It was becoming closer to instinctual to make the change now, and Phil could feel the rush of magic pouring over him, but the pain of change never came. Puzzled, Phil tried again, and then again, and then again, but nothing happened other than a sudden sharp pain in his head that made Phil moan and collapse against Dan.

Dan watched with concerned eyes as Phil evidently attempted to change form again. However, nothing happened, other than Dan feeling the strong bursts of magic that exploded through the bond sharply enough that he winced. Phil felt it too, it seemed, as he collapsed against Dan with a groan and instantly tried to bury his face back in Dan's neck.

 _Shh, shh,_ Dan whispered through the bond instantly, instinctively grabbing for Phil and cradling him against his chest. He threaded his fingers through Phil's hair, attempting to soothe the pain he could feel building there. He wished so desperately for Phil to be well, to be calm and no longer hurting. Remembering what had seemed to make Phil melt against him before, Dan ran a hand down to just push under Phil's jumper lightly, and kept his thumb stroking against the skin just above his hip. He didn't stray any further than that, not wanting to make Phil any more uncomfortable.

 _I've got you, it's alright, shh,_ Dan continued to murmur steadily into the bond, keeping up a stream of cool comfort from his own end. He could feel that Phil was uncomfortably hot, and too uncomfortable to think very clearly, but Dan could gather that he wasn't able to transform. Dan grimaced a bit, wishing he could make Phil comfortable. As it was, he lay back against the cushions and cradled Phil against his chest, gently running his fingers through Phil's hair.

 _So I'm guessing it didn't work,_ he added after a moment's calm silence. _It's okay. Let the potion work, that was a strong draught. It's probably still making its way through your system._

Instantly, Dan was shushing him and holding him, rubbing his fingers against the small bit of skin he'd been petting earlier as well, and just generally being incredibly kind and sweet and comforting. Phil's head, though, was spinning, and it was nearly impossible to think straight past Dan's murmured reassurances. Those were enough to keep him sane for now, though, and he sunk into the sensation of Dan holding him and comforting him and showing Phil as much love as he could.

 _Didn't work,_ he agreed miserably, wishing more than anything now that he could be a cat snoozing away over Dan's heart, rather than an over-sized grown up with achy limbs and probably grossly sweaty skin. He wondered if he smelled again, and then pushed the thought away. He wanted to pull out of Dan's arms, but he didn't have the strength, and ended up just laying there instead, curled up against his witch and wishing he could get all better now.

He didn't notice it when he drifted off to sleep again, but when he finally did, it was because his body had began to react to the potion Dan had given him, and the pain was receding slowly but surely.

Dan kept holding Phil, soothing him with words and gestures and feelings pressed through their bond as best he could to keep him calm. There was still a lot of pain apparently wracking through Phil's body, and his head was hurting and it made Dan's heart ache. He checked Phil's forehead again to find the fever still there, and Dan sighed. If this went on any longer then he was going to have to consider making a different potion, or trying a different spell.

For now, Phil had seemed to drift into sleep. Dan petted at his hair, pursing his lips as he thought. He'd treated many fevers before, seen stronger ones than this, but never had they been someone as close to him as Phil was. It tugged at Dan's heart to see someone he loved suffering - and there was yet another reminder that Dan really did love Phil.

He paused, letting the emotion fill him, letting himself relax into it rather than running from it. He could learn to be happy that he had someone like Phil in his life - in fact, it was already hard to imagine what he'd been like before Phil. Dan knew he'd been alright on his own, happy even, but he hadn't known a happy like this could exist. It just came with some downsides, too - like suffering when Phil was suffering, like cursing himself for not being able to heal Phil straight away.

With Phil sleeping, Dan allowed himself to worry. He was rational, a healer, so he knew Phil didn't have anything serious, but still… it hurt to have Phil so pained. In fact, Dan's mind helpfully supplied him with everything that could possibly go wrong, with all the reasons Phil might be suffering, hidden symptoms he could have of something far more serious. Dan shook his irrational thoughts away, and held Phil tighter, determined to stay right here with Phil in his arms until Phil was well enough to hold him back again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, Ao3 does not like our linking for chapter 17, and it seems you guys couldn’t see the wonderful art that was made for us :((( so I’m going to put the links again below, but this time you’ll have to copy paste to see D; Sorry about that, and thank you again to Cosmicphandom2k16 and silentorator for creating these beautiful images for us!
> 
> Cat Phil: http://cosmicphandom2k16.tumblr.com/post/153401277829/to-my-dear-ineverhadmyinternetphase-and
> 
> Art for Chapter 13: http://silentorator.tumblr.com/post/155779762510/dan-was-so-warm-so-comfortable-and-his-arms”< Scene from Chapter 13

Phil must have slept for ages. By the time he was awake again, he was feeling marginally better - almost a hundred percent except for the fuzzy feeling to his mind that could have just as easily have been from all the sleeping he'd done - and the sun had gone down once again. At some point during the day, Dan seemed to have relocated them both to his bedroom, because Phil could feel the soft sheets next to him rather than the sofa cushions, and Dan was snoring along with him, lost to his own dreams. Smiling fondly, Phil nuzzled where he had his head resting on Dan's chest, and realised he'd been moved so he was more next to Dan than anything else, with his arm wrapped securely around his waist. 

Sighing softly, Phil sat up and ruffled his hair a bit, happy when he found that he was able to function a little more on his own again. The ache from his limbs were gone, and he was even able to stand - for about three seconds before he was collapsing back to the bed with a head rush and a loud growl of his stomach. Cheeks turning pink, Phil turned to see if he'd woken Dan, and startled when he found the other male was sitting up with a sleep-drunk eyes and a worried furrow to his brow.

"Phiw?" he asked, sounding exhausted and concerned. 

"Hi," Phil greeted, waving a little awkwardly. "Go back to bed. I'm fine."

Dan blinked, scrubbing sleepily at his eyes. "You are clearly not fine," he disagreed, because Dan was fairly sure he'd been sleeping curled up next to Phil until a crash woke him, and by the looks of things, the crash was from Phil falling over onto the bed. Probably by doing something stupid.

Dan narrowed his eyes, fixing Phil with a stern, if sleepy, stare. "Now, you weren't doing something foolhardy and silly like trying to stand up without me, were you? Because I forbade you from doing that. Or I meant to." He yawned, hiding it behind his fist. "If I forgot, then I forbid it now. No doing things without checking with me first."

So maybe Dan was a little bit overprotective. Still, he'd just woken up to a giant crash and a sheepish-looking Phil, he was  _ allowed _ to be worried. At least Phil looked a little better, with a spark behind his eyes. He was also speaking out loud, which was an improvement. Dan waved his arms through another yawn, gesturing Phil closer. "C'mere, let me check you."

Dan looked so affronted by the fact that Phil had attempted to climb out of bed, and Phil couldn't keep himself from giggling at the way Dan sleepily told him he'd thought he'd forbidden Phil standing up without him, and that if he hadn't, he was forbidding it now. There was just something incredibly special about that, about Dan wanting to keep him safe, even when he was half-asleep and clearly unable to properly think clearly. 

"Okay," Phil agreed easily enough, moving from where he'd collapsed on the bed to crawl back over and nearly into Dan's arms. He plopped down next to him instead, staring up at him with soft, trusting eyes, and waiting for Dan to check whatever he felt the need to check. His own eyes were feeling a little heavier now that he was properly waking up, the exhaustion from so much sleeping making him feel weighed down and heavy. 

Dan gave a determined nod as soon as Phil was back in front of him again, reaching out with firm hands to grasp Phil's shoulders in case he got any ridiculous ideas about going off somewhere without Dan. Didn't Phil know that he wasn't allowed to do that when he was sick? Dan was worrying enough about him without him making things even more complicated by disappearing for random periods at a time.

Not that Phil had disappeared in a long while, now. Dan very much hoped to keep it that way.

He lifted one arm up from Phil's shoulder to check his forehead again, pulling his matted hair gently back until he could feel for his temperature. He gave a pleased hum. "Much better. You're almost back to normal human levels, I think. Are you still getting dizzy?" He started absent-mindedly running his fingers through Phil's hair, not even thinking about the movement. That was becoming an instinctual reaction - Phil was near him, so Dan was stroking fingers through his hair.

Dan's hands weren't freezing anymore, and Phil thought that must be a good sign. He was certain the reason Dan had felt so cold to him before had been because he was sick with fever, and not actually because Dan was freezing. Dan was actually usually quite warm, and it made Phil happy to know that he was getting better for real, and it wasn't just in his head. He hummed, flexing a little under Dan's hand on his shoulder, amused he seemed so intent on keeping Phil in place, and shook his head. 

"Er. Actually, yes, but I think it's just because I got up too quickly," Phil corrected himself, humming again and closing his eyes as Dan ran his fingers through his hair softly. He liked that feeling, and he tilted his head into it as much as he could. "I was just hoping to get something from the kitchen. I thought you wouldn't mind if I helped myself to some more cereal," he explained, remembering how the other night, before all of this had happened, Dan had shown him how to eat cereal in a half asleep state. 

That was the one thing Phil felt confident enough about getting for himself. He knew there was leftover soup, but he had no idea how to heat it up. 

Dan pursed his lips, keeping his fingers threading through Phil's hair and his hand on his shoulder to hold him firmly in place. Even though Phil  _ said _ he was fine, that didn't mean Dan was going to let him walk off on his own unsupervised. He was relieved he'd woken up before Phil went into the kitchen, actually. Nightmare images of his adorably clumsy familiar playing with kitchen knives flashed through Dan's head, and he shuddered.

"Well, if you're still dizzy, you shouldn't be going anywhere on your own," Dan decided, uncaring that he was being overprotective again. He kept his fingers scratching at Phil's hair, smiling when he leaned into the touch with a pleased hum. Even human, Phil still behaved very feline. Dan didn't mind - he liked petting Phil, given the chance.

Dan briefly contemplated forcing Phil to lie back down, largely because he was tired and wanted to sleep some more, but if Phil was hungry then he'd only be restless and then Phil didn't make a very good pillow. So, with a giant yawn, Dan swung his legs out of bed and released Phil, getting up to his feet. "C'mon, then. Just don't eat  _ all _ my cereal, I love that stuff."

Phil leaned into Dan's touch gently, enjoying the gentle scratches as he hummed and considered Dan's words. He supposed it made sense that he shouldn't be moving around by himself in a situation where he could end up hurting himself if he wasn't careful, but he also had a feeling that Dan was just being incredibly overprotective of him, and how could he complain about that? 

So when Dan decided to help Phil out of bed, he grinned and took the offer, even allowing Dan to wrap his arm around Phil's waist. They made their way slowly to the kitchen with Phil laying his head innocently against Dan's shoulder for a little bit of added comfort, and just because he could. 

The minute they arrived, though, Phil was instantly reaching for Dan's cereal box, and popping it open to begin eating, leaning tiredly against the kitchen counter as he shoved a mouthful into his mouth. His eyes closed on a pleased hum, and it wasn't until he opened them again that he realised Dan was staring at him funny.

"What are you doing?"

Phil blinked slowly. "Eating cereal? I - I asked you what I should have for breakfast, and this is... this is what you showed me to do."

Dan arched a brow, watching with slight displeasure as Phil ate the cereal straight out of the box. He narrowed his eyes. Had he really taught Phil this way to eat it? Dan shouldn't have done that, he hated having people eating straight out of his box. Still, he did have a vague memory of Phil asking him for food one morning when Dan had basically been asleep. In his half-asleep state, Dan wouldn't put it past himself to just shove the box at Phil before crawling into bed.

That didn't mean he was happy about it now. Dan gave a firm shake of his head, narrowing his eyes at Phil, and instead turned to open up a cupboard and take out a bowl for Phil, closing the cupboard firmly behind him.

"We use this," Dan explained, setting the bowl down in front of Phil and huffing.

Phil blinked confused eyes at him.

"Like this." Dan rolled his eyes, taking the box back off Phil and ignoring the whining noise he made. Instead, he tipped the box upside down so a rain of chocolate flakes poured into the bowl. "And we add milk, usually. D'you want that?" He fished around in a drawer then, almost bumping it into Phil's hip, and gave his head a pat in apology. "Here. This is a spoon. We use it to eat with."

Phil blinked as Dan, appearing quite disgruntled over the fact that Phil was eating cereal this way, and pulled out a bowl before pouring the cereal into it, just coating the bottom and filling it up halfway. Phil whined at having it taken away from him, not understanding what was wrong with how he was doing it if Dan had showed him to do that,  _ and  _ if it tasted so good, but he tried not to argue too much as he watched. 

Dan shuffled about then, and when he opened the drawer next to Phil, bumped his hip. Phil grinned when Dan's first reaction was to reach up and pat Phil on the head in apology. It was a cute motion, and Phil nearly melted at how soft it made Dan, grinning as Dan then handed him a spoon and showed him how you scooped at the cereal that way.

"I'll try it with milk," he decided skeptically, pursing his lips. "But why can't I eat it like I was? What's the point of the bowl if I don't like the milk? It's just an unnecessary extra dish, isn't it?" he wondered. 

Dan gave a disgruntled shudder as he went to the fridge. Despite his apparent annoyance, Dan couldn't really help but think that Phil was adorable when he was trying to understand human culture. Cuteness was an inherent part of Phil already, but now it was just exaggerated as he stared at Dan with a confused frown.

"We use milk to make it more substantial, trust me," Dan promised as he opened the fridge and hunted through his scant supplies (feeding himself wasn't always Dan's top priority when he got sucked into work, and he hadn't had a chance to shop in a long while). There was some milk, though, which he fetched and poured liberally into the bowl.

He chuckled when Phil just looked even more confused, and handed it to him, watching as he poked at it with the spoon. "Don't be afraid, just go for it. Trust me, it's still good." He leaned against the counter, eyes sleepy but amused as he watched Phil. "This way is considered more polite. Eating with your hands - that can spread germs and stuff, especially when you've been sick.

Immediately, Phil flushed in concerned embarrassment. The last thing he'd meant to do was spread his germs or do something that was considered impolite. Still, he couldn't help thinking back on Dan's dream-like state when he'd told Phil how to eat cereal just the night prior, and frowned.

"But  _ you said _ ," he whined, and pushed the memory through the bond at Dan, of how Dan had kind of snort-snored at him, grumbling that Phil had woken him  up before shoving a memory at Phil that assured him of exactly what to eat and how to do it. It just wasn't fair that Dan was teaching him one thing, and then correcting it later, and he wanted to make a point of that now.

Dan's face flashed a horrified white for a second, and he moaned horribly into the palms of his hands while Phil watched on, a smile quirking at the edges of his lips. He couldn't help thinking of Dan as cute like that, though he quite literally could not figure out why Dan was reacting in that way. 

Instead of poking at him further, Phil turned to the strange concoction Dan had handed to him in the bowl, and, after poking at the now wet bits of cereal, scooped up a spoonful of the surgery bits with milk as well before popping it into his mouth. He was surprised to find that it was good, and grinned, chewing happily and flashing Dan another smile. "'’S good," he mumbled around his mouthful, shoving another spoonful into his mouth almost immediately. This was admittedly much better than the dry cereal he had had before hand. 

Dan groaned in shameful embarrassment, pressing his face into his hands to hide his reddening cheeks. He recognised the memory Phil shoved through their bond - of course he did - but it was an  _ embarrassing _ one.

See, sometimes Dan needed a little comfort food. And sometimes this happened very late at night, when he'd forgotten to go to bed and so woke up with his face pressed into one of his books. At such times, he was usually (always) alone, and so he didn't exactly bother with social niceties. Right around then, he'd just snatch at handfuls of dry cereal straight from the box.

But no-one was supposed to  _ know _ about that. Especially not Phil.

Dan shoved the memory determinedly away, deciding simply to never speak of it again. He'd corrected Phil now, after all, and Phil seemed content enough to eat the cereal with milk and a spoon, the proper way. Dan's secret eating habits never needed to come out into the open, and Phil certainly didn't need to know them.

"Told you," Dan answered with an easy grin, dropping his hands to see Phil still sending him a curious look. Dan quickly made sure his own thoughts were hidden well away from the bond, and instead nodded to the bowl with a proud look. "Happens to be my favourite snack, cereal. Glad to know we have something else in common."

Other than sending Dan a curious look and prodding lightly at a bond that suddenly seemed to be attempting to block Phil from his thoughts, Phil was far too focused on his cereal to even realise just how fast he was eating. Before he knew it, his bowl was empty, and he was still feeling ridiculously starving. Without looking, Phil let his magic grab for Dan's box of cereal, and watched greedily as it tipped over into his bowl, wet with milk still at the bottom, before he reached out and grabbed a handful for himself. As soon as his bowl was full again, Phil was dropping the box, and going for the milk instead, just having shoved a handful of cereal into his mouth. 

Dan caught the floating milk carton before Phil could show off anymore, sending Phil a stern glare before beginning to pour the milk for him again, and then Phil was diving straight back in, gobbling up his food far too fast for what could be deemed healthy. He knew he should slow down, but he was suddenly ravenous now that he had finally eaten, and he wasn't sure how he'd gone so long without food in his belly. 

Dan rolled his eyes a bit as he watched Phil demolishing as much of his cereal as he could. Dan made a mental note to buy more. Cereal was his favourite, but it seemed Phil had stolen that trait from him just as much as he was now stealing his food.

"I'll buy you your own box next time I go shopping," Dan muttered as he caught the flying milk and passed it to Phil. "Stop you eating all my reserves at least." Phil was forcefully shoving handfuls in by his mouth, apparently having given up on the spoon completely. The flying magic was kind of impressive, though, not that Dan was ever going to admit that out loud. He would have to remember he could utilise his magic to help his laziness.

"If I catch you doing that," Dan muttered, "I'm going to tape your hands to a spoon. Come on, Phil. While you're human, you have to do human things. That means eating with cutlery and waking me up before you try and walk anywhere. Okay?" He leaned over, picking up the spoon and presenting it to Phil again. "If you're that hungry, I can make us an actual meal."

Phil couldn't help snorting in amusement, surprised by the sound of it and dissolving into laughter as the very thought of Dan tapeing a spoon to force him to use the utensil. "But I've seen you do it," Phil complained, teasing, even as he accepted the spoon that Dan handed to him. The thought of changing himself to be more human, though, was both bad and good. Obviously he knew he had to do some things differently, but he didn't feel particularly animal in eating his food this way. Besides, Dan was doing it too, so it was only fair... right? "Besides. On the telly I saw people eating with their hands," he argued once he'd calmed down some, slurping up his cereal quickly. 

The second his bowl was empty a second time, though, Phil was standing and moving over to Dan, bumping their hips together on his way to the sink. Because he could, and because he wanted too, he leaned over and pressed his lips lightly to Dan's cheek before continuing on his way, feeling far less unsteady on his feet and with a much clearer head than the last two days. "If I'm human, I should very well be able to walk on my own," he added for good measure, grinning to himself as he went about doing the dishes. 

"You don't have to make a meal. I think I'm okay. I just feel like I haven't eaten in six days. The human world requires us to eat far more often than I'm used to."

Dan grimaced a bit. He was already teaching Phil bad habits, even when he didn't mean to, but sometimes he forgot that Phil was actually another person rather than just an extension of himself. Having Phil next to him had grown to be so natural that Dan didn't catch himself when he did things not normally socially acceptable - like eating cereal by his hands straight out of the box, apparently.

"Yes, well." Dan rubbed at the back of his neck. "Just because I do something around you doesn't mean it's a socially acceptable thing to do. Just… if we have company, remember to use your cutlery, alright?"

Eventually giving in, Dan also grabbed the box and ate a handful out of the box without even bothering to pour himself a bowl. Watching Phil eat was making him hungry, too, even if he hadn't been awake long and this was still much earlier than he'd usually be up.

He gave a short squeal when Phil bumped his hip, mimicking an action Dan had done to him earlier. It was only fair enough, he supposed, but  _ still.  _ He narrowed his eyes in a playful glare at Phil, answering, "Yes, well, having a high temperature makes you lose your appetite. Now your fever seems to be gone, it's probably come back full force." He paused, analysing Phil closely. "...Your fever  _ has _ gone, right? Because otherwise you're getting straight back into bed."

It made Phil giggle when Dan began to eat straight out of the box the exact way he'd told Phil not to do just a second ago, but he didn't comment on it, not wanting to make Dan too uncomfortable when Phil called him out. He seemed awkward enough, a trait Phil was sure he shared. He could understand the whole idea of social niceties and acceptable behaviors, though, as even in his world those had existed, but he figured it wouldn't be too much trouble in the long run.

"Apparently, in your world, it's strange for a familiar to take it's human form around anyone _ but _ their witch. PJ keeps looking at me funny, and Mara squawked in indignation to hear that I didn't mind being in either form, so long as it was the best form for the task," Phil said, thinking allowed. "Does it bother  _ you _ , that I don't really care what form I'm in?" he wondered. "I could remain a cat when we have company, if that would make you more comfortable."

The second the dishes were done - including the ones from Dan over the last two days that he hadn't bothered to get done - Phil made his way back to stand in front of Dan. He really was feeling better, though, and it had left him with a sense of confident euphoria. He picked up Dan's hand in his, and pressed it to his forehead. 

"You tell me. Do I feel hot, still?"

Dan pursed his lips, idly watching as Phil washed the dishes up in the sink. He half-thought that he should stop Phil, but then he remembered how much he hated doing the dishes (as was shown by his lack of doing them for the past few days), and Phil didn't seem too pained. So Dan leaned against the counter beside him and pondered his question.

"It doesn't bother me particularly if you're human around other people," he confessed quietly. "From what PJ told me, he and the raven have a very intense, private relationship. I think the raven being human is something very special to them - and it might be something to do with that… other thing." He wrinkled his nose a bit. "You know, like - she's human only when they're alone. I don't really feel the same thing with you. Like I said before, it’s just that human’s view seeing a familiar as a human as something particularly intimate, special, but it doesn’t bother me in that way."

Dan sighed, thinking. "I don't want you to feel like I don't treasure you as much, though. I absolutely do. I just - I don't want to control you like that?" He shrugged a bit, giving Phil a small smile. "What's most important to me is you're comfortable. If you're more comfortable as a cat, then you should be a cat - though I have to say, I like how you can hug me back when you're human."

He grinned a bit wider when Phil appeared in front of him, presenting his forehead for Dan to check. "You're a fast learner." He reached forward, tenderly brushing back his fringe so he could lay his hand against Phil's forehead. It felt much cooler, much to Dan's relief, and Phil's eyes were brighter as he looked at Dan. Dan gave a satisfied nod, stepping close to press a kiss to Phil's forehead. "Much better. You're allowed to stay out of bed."

Phil had to consider what Dan had said for a moment. It was something almost overwhelmingly new to be told that someone wanted him to feel precious to them. It made Phil think a bit more, on the relationship that PJ and his raven must have, what Mara must have with him, and he recalled for a moment the strange interaction he’d had with her when he’d wanted to talk about his own budding relationship with Dan. Mara had seemed so strained and confused, like she’d dealt with a lot… Phil shook his head. She seemed happy enough, there was no point in worrying about nothing. 

At Dan wrinkling his nose, Phil wrinkled his as well, recoiling from the very thought of something like that when he couldn't even bear to remember the other cat's  _ desire _ for him just days before. He wondered what that kind of desire must feel like, or seem like. Was it how Phil felt when he craved affection from Dan? When he craved physical touch to calm him down? He didn't completely understand it himself, but he supposed he could ask Mara at another time. 

A bit more shy than before, Phil lowered his gaze from Dan. "I appreciate you more than you know," he admitted. "I always thought I would want my witch to control me, but - as strange as it is to know that I can do whatever I want with you, it's also relieving. There's no fear that... that I'll be forced to do anything." Dan's fingers were normal and warm against his forehead now, which was relaxing, as Phil continued on. "But I'm comfortable as both forms. I like... I like different things about each. It would just be so much easier if they were the same," he complained before he began to laugh, shaking his head a little ruefully at himself as Dan watched on.

Phil appreciated the added kiss more than he could say, though, and grinned up at Dan before catching his hand in his and weaving their fingers together. "If I'm no longer confined to bed, then you are no longer confined to me. You have to go to work today, Dan," Phil teased, and squeezed his fingers before letting him go. Today... today Phil felt a little less affectionate. What they'd had so far was enough for him, now. 

Dan felt a momentary pang when Phil took his hand away, but it settled quickly when Phil stayed close and smiled at him. Phil's words, too - they helped more than ever to allow Dan to relax. Phil didn't expect Dan to control him, in fact he liked his freedom, and there was never any expectations on either side for there to be some other aspect of their relationship. That was better than Dan could ever have hoped for.

Honestly, though, how would they even define their relationship? Dan had no idea how to describe exactly what Phil was to him - his familiar, of course, but for them that word didn't carry a lot of the connotations it seemed to hold for others, like PJ. Dan hadn't ever wanted that. He'd never wanted a familiar because he hadn't realised that a relationship like the one he had with Phil was even possible.

He'd got rather lucky, Dan thought. Companionship without pressure was a new and important addition to his life.

At the mention of work, though, Dan groaned. "Do I  _ have _ to? Are you a hundred percent sure that you don't need another day off? I have no problem caring for you, and you know, technically it's still my job." He sniffed, knowing full well he didn't have an option and he was being a whiny brat, but. Well. Dan had grown to love his time alone with Phil.

With a low, playful huff, he stalked out of the room, holding the door open for Phil to follow, and headed back to his room. "So you got me out of bed so early for cereal, and now you're forcing me out of the house. Remind me why I love you again?"

Phil laughed at Dan's pouting, glad that his witch was the one complaining and being needy for once, but also feeling a little bit of anxiety flare through him at the idea of Dan wanting to stay in bed with him for the rest of the day caring for him. Phil could feel something prickling at his skin at that, and it wasn't a  _ good _ thing. Was this how Dan had felt the other day when he'd yelled at Phil? Phil couldn't help grimacing, feeling worse yet for having put Dan through that, but followed him into his bedroom nonetheless. 

"Yes, Dan. Unfortunately, you have to do your real job, rather than claiming that I'm ill. Excuse me, by the way, I thought I was more than that," he teased, feeling well enough to joke with Dan at least. He was glad for that, knowing that it was just because he knew he had nothing to fear or worry about with Dan. His witch would never force him to cuddle if Phil wasn't feeling up to it, and he hoped Dan felt safe the next time he felt this way as well. 

"Because I'm yours," Phil replied easily, flushing a little as he realised they both needed to get changed. Phil lowered his gaze, then, and bit his lip. He kind of wanted to go back into cat form now that he was feeling better, but also just because he felt safer in that form right now when the idea of being touched made his skin prickle. At the same time, he was terrified to be a cat again and get into trouble with another feline, and he wondered if Dan might help soothe his worries.

Dan snorted as he bent to rummage through his drawer, turning his back on Phil. Mostly the snort was to hide his affection, though, at hearing that Phil was his. That didn't spark the same fear it used to in Dan - the idea that he was responsible for someone else, that he had to be open to someone else. Knowing Phil had shown him the good sides of that kind of bond.

"Dan?" Phil called, trying to get his witch's attention. Dan hummed at him, but didn't turn around from rummaging through his drawer for a change in clothing.

"Do you remember when you - when you felt like you didn't really want... my affection, anymore?" he asked, biting his lip nervously. That wasn't exactly what he'd meant to get at, but it was close enough.

Hearing Phil's question had Dan turning around with a confused frown. He assumed Phil was asking about the times Dan hadn't wanted to be physically close to him - when waking up in the same bed had him freaking out. He bit his lower lip, instantly worried that he'd done something similar to upset Phil again by accident. He ran quickly through the events of the morning - he'd kissed Phil's forehead, earlier, and also held his hand, had that not been enough?

Or… had it been too much?

Dan turned to consider Phil, taking in his slightly widened eyes and the sense of worry he could feel thrumming through their bond. Had he brought this up because he was now feeling the way Dan had?

Carefully, Dan dropped his clothes and inclined his head in a nod. "Of course I remember. And you were more understanding about it than I could ever have hoped for. Have I - um - have I done something to hurt you again?"

Phil's lips twitched, glad to hear that he'd been what Dan had needed then, had been able to understand and give Dan what he needed. He wanted, needed the same thing here, and he could feel a well of emotion driving through him, a little hard to swallow, and stuck tight in his throat. He swallowed, but shook his head, desperate to make sure Dan didn't think he'd hurt him.

"No. No, it's nothing like that. I just. I - I think I understand how you felt, now?" he asked, a little nervous. For as much as Phil had been expecting to feel this way if Dan had, knowing as he did that he had been made in Dan's almost exact copy, as someone who would be perfect for him in every way, he always felt a little like a fake, terrified Dan wouldn't take him seriously. 

"But, uhm. That's not - it's fine, this morning's been fine. It's just... I want to change forms, but I don't - I don't know if I  _ can _ , or  _ should _ , after... after what happened with that other cat? So I was - wondering... if. If you could help me, and then... maybe just... hold me for a little while?" 

It seemed counter intuitive to have Dan holding him in either form when he was feeling like he wanted to be alone, when he was feeling like being around Dan, coddled by Dan, touched by Dan, was just a little too much right then. He loved the other male, sure, but... and suddenly Phil was beginning to understand why Dan had always been so confused about their relationship and his own feelings towards Phil, because this was a very different feeling of love than Phil usually had. It made him bite his lip again, wondering if Dan understood this any better than Phil did.

At the very least, he was glad to be able to understand Dan on a different level, having felt exactly what Dan had felt for him as well. 

As Phil stumbled through his request, Dan's eyes widened as he finally caught on to what Phil was saying. It wasn't that Dan had done anything wrong - no, it was that Phil was experiencing now exactly what Dan had felt before, when suddenly the things he wanted changed and, while he still loved Phil, he'd wanted to express it in different ways.

If Dan was reading this right, then that's exactly what Phil was feeling now. And Dan knew he'd never let Phil feel pressured or upset by this, not when Dan himself knew exactly how confusing everything was.

"Of course," he said immediately, approaching Phil and hovering close enough to touch without actually touching him. "I get it. Completely. Of course you can be a cat, Phil, I don't ever want you to worry about that. Change forms whenever you like, I'm always going to be happy to have you around." He chewed his lip, considering carefully what Phil said. The damage his encounter with that other cat had done was still prevalent, obviously, and Dan wanted to grind his teeth at the thought, but he knew that wasn't what Phil needed right now. No, what Phil needed was to feel safe.

"I can help you change, if you like," Dan reassured, filling up the bond with a gentle nudge, a reminder that Phil wasn't alone. "Being a cat doesn't make you like that other cat, you know. And not every cat is like that. You're a very special kind, after all, and I'm always going to be right here if you run into any sort of trouble." He bit his lip, adding hastily, "I mean, however you want to express it. I'm always going to be here for you, Phil, whether that's through touch or not."

"I think I get it, too," Dan added softly. "I mean - holding you when you're a cat is very different to holding you when you're human. It's… not the same affection. I don't know. I can't explain it, but - but I feel like you know what I mean?" He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug, smiling ruefully. "If you want, you can wait for me outside while I change. If you'd be more comfortable, I mean. And if you're a cat I'll scratch your ears all you like, but if you're human, I won't - I won't start anything, okay? If you want me, you know where I am. But it's fine if you don't want that today, I get it."

When Dan approached, Phil knew that he wasn't going to touch him or do anything that Phil didn't want, but it still made him a little nervous. His first reaction was to shrink into himself a little, and he did, but Dan's presence just being nearby helped him to stay relaxed and not to panic, though the longer the day went on, the more Phil felt like he really, really didn't want to be touched. Dan's soul pressed up against their bond, though, gently nudging and trying to be reassuring in its motions, flooding Phil with calmed thoughts about how much Dan understood him and wanted to take care of him, give him what he needed. That helped Phil enough to look up at Dan and actually listen to him when he spoke. 

He bit his lip as Dan struck deep, clearly understanding Phil's worries and fears about being in his cat form now that he'd been nearly assaulted, and he couldn't help being surprised that Dan seemed to understand Phil was afraid he could end up doing something like that. But Dan was right - Phil was different entirely to the cats of the human world, and there was no part of him that would ever give in to base instinct the same way his almost-cat-friend had given into his own. Phil had those instincts, but they were distinctly foreign and far off compared to the rest of who he was, and for that, he was thankful. But he was still terrified that if he walked around as a cat he might encounter someone else who would want to take advantage of him, and that was what scared him most, despite knowing that Dan would come running the second Phil called. That almost wasn't enough for him, regardless of how badly he wanted it to be. 

As Dan continued speaking, though, seeming to have picked up on Phil's confusion about how he wanted to be touched by Dan as a cat, he found himself comforted properly, because he did understand. There was something very different about Phil being in cat form when Dan touched him than in human form - some intimacy that didn't exist in the same way. Something... something was different in the same way that  something was different in the love that Phil felt for Dan right now. 

"Thank you, Dan," Phil murmured, smiling shyly up at his witch. He'd known exactly what to say to calm Phil down, to reassure him that Dan would always be what he needed, nothing more, nothing less. "I need help, though. I don't think I have the strength to change... and then I can wait for you in the lounge?" he suggested, clinging to the offer for Dan to change without Phil in the room. 

"Sure," Dan answered, and took a step back, recognising all too well the apprehension in Phil's eyes. Even though Dan was kind of feeling physical intimacy today, he could see that Phil really wasn't, and he remembered well enough what that felt like. So Dan kept his distance, instead sitting on the bed and closing his eyes as he nudged again at the bond.

This time, Dan released his magic, letting it fill up inside him until he felt like he was tingling right to the tips of his fingers. His magic was cool, had always been cool, and having it flow through him like this felt like bathing in a deep lake out in the centre of a forest somewhere, settled down into relaxing calm. He kept his eyes closed, smiling. Sometimes he thought he really didn't use his magic enough, forgetting just how beautiful it could be.

Right now, though, Dan had a job to do. He nudged at the bond, opening it slowly until there was a gap just wide enough to channel some of his magic in a gentle stream through. He did so, slowly and carefully mixing his magic up with Phil's, lending Phil his own strength. In contrast to Dan, Phil's magic was red-hot, and it burned around the edges of Dan's cool flows. He soothed wherever the fires were too hot, gently mixing until they were both working together - hot and cold, perfect opposites.

"You should be able to change now," Dan murmured, keeping his flow of magic steady until Phil was ready to use it.

It was intense to feel Dan pressing his actual magic through their bond, a wave of coolness brushing over him, infusing with his own chaotic magic, soothing along the edges of the intense bits that even Phil could feel sometimes burned too hot, too close to the edge. They'd done this before, but only once, and it had been different then, so much different. Now... now it felt like an intense tickle filling Phil from the tips of his toes to the tips of fingers, cooling him down completely, relaxing him until he even felt in control. It wasn't until Phil  _ did  _ feel control that he realised the lack of it in his daily life, and he understood now how he was so much more clumsy and uncoordinated than Dan. 

If he had the control that Dan did, he'd be less of a mess, and yet he couldn't bring himself to want to change. Not really. They needed each other, and this was just a reminder of how much so. 

Breathing in deeply, Phil closed his eyes, and gripped tight to the blue strands of power he could see in himself, foreign bits that had wound so tightly around his own magic that it looked purple. The feeling was intense and strong, lending Phil strength he'd known he'd needed, and when he pulled gently, drew the magic to him and around him, the coolness of Dan washing over him in an instant, swelling over him and making him gasp. 

In seconds this time, he found his form had changed, and he let go of everything Dan had given him just in time to open his eyes and find that he was definitely back to his black furry form.

The realisation was comforting, and the anxious prickle on his skin was gone. 

Though he did feel a little bit of leftover ill as he realised his pheromones had not had time to calm down and dissipate. His fur stood on end as he stood up and shook himself, cowering backwards a little as he looked at Dan. He wanted more than anything for Dan to come and soothe the disgust still settled in his fur, but he also wanted Dan to change first, so he blinked a few times before turning his back on Dan, tail tucked up between his legs to try and stifle his pheromones, and phased through Dan's bedroom door without a word. 

Dan blinked, coming back to himself when he felt Phil release the strands of magic he'd been using to change, so that Dan was no longer channeling through their bond. It took a moment to collect himself, to gather together his emotions and settle his magic back down, and that moment was long enough for newly-cat-Phil to disappear through his door.

Dan gnawed on his lip, worried. He knew Phil was going to have some residual fears left over after the last time he'd been a cat - Dan could still remember the desperate way he'd clung to Dan, insisting on being human again as quickly as he could so he didn't have to think about what had happened. Would Phil still be scared, back in his cat form again? Dan didn't know for sure, but he wasn't willing to leave Phil alone for long enough to find out.

Dan changed swiftly, grabbing the first comfortable but vaguely-smart looking things from his wardrobe. After all, he did have to work today, as Phil had been a pain about remindng him earlier. Maybe Phil would come down and help him again - he could watch Dan tending patients, if he liked, so maybe he could see how he might learn to do something similar in the future. Dan wasn't too sure about that, though. The idea of anyone else interacting with  _ his _ familiar was… alien.

Once he was completely dressed and appropriate, Dan opened the door and headed out into the living room. There was a black fluffy shape curled up on his sofa with his head on his paws, looking dejected and altogether miserable. Dan hummed softly, announcing his presence, and sat himself carefully by Phil's side. He could be here for however Phil needed him, but Dan had already decided that Phil would be the one initiating all physical contact today, so that Dan didn't accidentally push him too far.

"How are you feeling?" Dan asked quietly, folding his hands into his lap and tucking his legs up behind him. "You know… we can talk about what happened if you like. It's all biological, Phil, that's all it is. It doesn't change you at all, and you don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

When Dan settled down next to him, Phil stood up immediately, fully intending to bury himself in Dan's arms the same as the last time, only Dan folded his hands in his lap immediately and began to talk, digging right into the heart of the matter without preamble. It caused Phil to pause and look up at Dan, fur still standing on end from the strangeness of his biological reactions and the pheromones still sticking to his fur. 

Having Dan suggest they talk about this, though, made Phil realise that they really hadn't yet. That he'd run from it and gotten sick almost immediately after. His human form had made it easy to forget and let go of on some level, but being back made Phil feel a bit sick.

He needed this, though, and he refused to let anyone make him hate himself or any of his forms. 

"I know," Phil ended up replying lamely, ignoring Dan's somewhat closed off positioning and pushing his head against his hands as he began to climb over Dan. Automatically, Dan seemed to move his hands, allowing Phil to climb into his lap as he started to purr and press his face into Dan's tummy. "I know, it's just... the pheromones haven't gone? And... and I hate that my biology could potentially force me into something I don't want..." Phil's voice was muffled by Dan's belly, and he shuddered as Dan tentatively pressed his hand against Phil's back. To encourage him, Phil arched his back into Dan's hand until Dan had trailed his fingers tentatively all the way down his fur. 

"More," Phil demanded. 

Dan unfolded himself slowly and carefully as Phil clambered into his lap. He fluttered his hands awkwardly over Phil's fur for a moment, not yet sure if he could completely relax into this when Phil might not be comfortable, but then Phil unceremoniously demanded more and a chuckle escaped Dan before he could help it. Instinctively, he curled his fingers through Phil's fur, soothing down the strands that were sticking up in obvious discomfort. He'd missed this - this sensation of a small warm body curled up in his lap, purring and demanding attention.

Dan settled back against the cushions and pulled Phil more firmly into his lap, one hand smoothing down his fur slowly, the other finding the spot at his ear and scratching lightly. Dan grinned when Phil instantly melted against him, lying out flat and beginning to drool a bit. That was how he knew he was doing a good job, and Phil was just as happy as he was.

"Your biology can't control you, Phil," Dan answered softly after a minute. "It's a natural thing, yes, but you aren't forced into acting on it if you don't want to. You can just wait it out. It's a bit uncomfortable, but - well, it's like being sick. It's miserable for a bit, but then it gets better." He curled his fingers against Phil's fur, hearing Phil's rumbling purrs vibrating against his hand. "Distractions help, usually. Find something you enjoy, and stick to doing that until it goes away."

The second that Dan pulled Phil in more properly against his lap, curling his fingers behind Phil's ear to scratch while his other hand smoothed down the obvious patches of his fur that were showing distress, Phil collapsed into him, eyes closing as his mouth dropped open and he began to drool. He couldn't even be bothered to control himself because he liked this so,  _ so _ , much. Dan's touch was able to relax and soothe him, and the fact that he was human even helped his nerves to calm down, helped his pheromones to settle some, until they were beginning to dissipate properly. The strange feeling between his legs was going as well, which was relieving because the burning sensation was horrifying. 

"But... but what if another cat mounted me?" Phil asked, appalled by his very own words and the thought of that ever happening to him. He shoved his head further into Dan's soft skin. "I wouldn't be able to control myself then because - because my body would  _ accept  _ them." Phil shuddered, but he clung to Dan, still purring and relaxed at Dan's touch. 

This was enough distraction for him, and exactly what he needed to soothe the parts of him aching for something he didn't personally think he wanted. 

It was heartbreaking, really, hearing Phil so terrified of something that could happen to him without his consent or control. Dan soothed him as best as he could, all the time resolving to never ever let him get anywhere close to this situation ever again. Dan needed to get better at checking on Phil, and not getting lost in his own drama - Phil still knew so little about this world, and he had no one but Dan to teach him.

"Even if your body reacts like that, it doesn't stop it from being an attack," he tried to explain, keeping his fingers gently moving through Phil's fur. He wasn't sure touching Phil was ideal for this conversation, but Phil seemed to want his touch, and Dan wasn't going to stop when he enjoyed this too. So he scratched at Phil's ear, offering what comfort he could.

"I promise I'd never let things get that far," Dan continued, feeling a snag of anger and jealousy at the thought of anyone else having Phil like that, or forcing Phil into that. "But even if it did… you're not responsible for your biology, Phil. Your body will do weird things, that doesn't mean you have to be okay with it." He grimaced. "I'm not explaining this very well. But… just because your body would welcome it, doesn't mean  _ you _ would. And I'd  never let you, okay? You’re  _ my _ familiar, I'm just going to have to get better at making sure everyone knows you're already spoken for."

Phil's tail was still tucked up between his legs, hiding anxiously from any unwanted attention and preventing his pheromones from taking over the room or getting out to any felines that might be nearby, but Dan was stroking just above his bum, and Phil's tail was quivering with the want for Dan to pet that, too. Phil was just too scared to move it, yet, the fluffy mass hiding him from the world. He hoped Dan didn't mind all this, because Phil felt quite nervous and afraid that it would be too much for his witch. 

His words were soft and understanding, though, which was more than Phil could have hoped for. He was understanding in a way that Phil didn't even know if he would be able to be, because he had no experience with these kinds of horrors or pains in his own world. His own kind didn't have to mate, after all, despite their bodies being... formed that way, because that was just how things were. Being home with Dan after what had happened was... the best situation possible. 

It helped to have Dan promise Phil that it didn't change him if his body forced him to enjoy or do things that he didn't personally enjoy or want to do, though, and Phil was able to relax even further when Dan promised him that Dan would do his best to make it more clear to the rest of the world that Phil was most definitely already his, that he was spoken for and no-one else could touch him. 

It was a comforting thought, only being Dan's, even as Phil didn't truly understand all of what that entailed for them. 

Were they strange in the eyes of the rest of the world? Whatever they had and did... was it strange?

"Okay," Phil ended up replying, swallowing thickly. "I - I'll always hold out for you, if I need you and you aren't there. I'll be strong until you can help me."

"You don't have to be strong for me," Dan disagreed, his fingers still gently smoothing down Phil's fur. "I should have noticed something was wrong before you had to call out for me." A little crease appeared in his brow, his eyes focused on Phil's dark fur, so black it seemed to stain his fingers. It was soft and lovely to touch, as ever, and Dan could feel the constant tug towards Phil, the little happy flushes that appeared every time Phil's purring rumbled loudly through the room.

Sometimes, even now, Dan worried that he was going about this all wrong. That he wasn't the right kind of person to have a familiar, that he just wasn't cut out for the kind of close relationship it entailed. But… Phil seemed to be the same. He hadn't wanted to be close to Dan as a human that morning, and Dan was honestly relieved that he seemed to get it. But at the same time… Dan didn't get it at all. What if there was something wrong with both of them?

He pushed his darker thoughts away, focusing instead on the deep sense of worry and concern that came from his care for Phil. He truly  _ did _ care for Phil, and that was all that should matter, right? So, with a deep sigh, he pulled Phil in closer, until he could nuzzle his face into the soft fur of his back. "Sometimes I think I should be paying more attention to the bond. If I was aware of it the other night, I'd have spotted the danger of your situation way earlier."

"But I want to be strong for you," Phil disagreed easily and quickly, flicking his eyes up to meet Dan's and purring extra loud for good measure. "I want to be strong for you, good for you. I want... I want to be everything you need and more," Phil admitted. "I want to make you proud of me." Phil's purring grew louder just at the thought of it, and he settled in with a happy smile on his face as Dan's fingers trailed over his fur, soothing the bits that refused to settle down. Phil could feel a deep rumble in him beginning to settle, and he could smell the pheromones finally beginning to dissipate. It helped him to relax even more against Dan. 

Panicking for just a second as Dan lifted Phil until he was cradled to Dan's chest instead, Phil settled when he realized that Dan was just repositioning Phil so he could nuzzle his face into Phil's fur, Phil felt himself growing warm with affection for this human cuddling him, and sighed as he stretched out in Dan's arms just to give him more surface to work with. Dan clearly needed some comfort from Phil as well. 

"You can't blame yourself," Phil murmured in reply, turning his head to lick at Dan's nose, and grinning when Dan wrinkled it in reaction. "It's not your fault. The bond is new to both of us. It's hard to always pick up on something being wrong, especially when we don't always have it so wide open. Don't take that the wrong way, though - I'm happy like this, with it like this. You can share all my private thoughts, I don't care, but I don't want to invade you like that  _ ever _ . I just mean that... it's not a bad thing. Sometimes, space is good, and it's okay if you can't always tell something is wrong. I'll always call for you, I'll always make you hear me, and you the same. We'll always find a way to be there for each other, Dan."

"No, no, no," Dan argued straight away, despite the way Phil was looking at him all cute and soft, and that face was  _ really _ hard to argue with. "You don't have to  _ try _ to be good for me, Phil, you already _ are. _ Everything I could ever need is just… here." He pressed his face into Phil's fur, closing his eyes and breathing him in. "You don't have to try because you're already enough."

Dan kept his face in Phil's fur as he considered his words, thinking hard before he spoke. At least Phil didn't seem to mind this, sprawled out across Dan's chest as he was and still emitting low, soft purrs. Licking Dan's nose was just entirely unnecessary, though, so Dan wrinkled his nose and lifted his face with a small smirk tugging at his lips despite himself.

"I know what you're trying to say," he eventually settled on, lifting a hand to scratch behind Phil's ear again and watching with delight as Phil melted even further against him. "I like having this bond with you. I just… sometimes almost forget about it?" He grimaced. "It's still kind of natural to want to put shields up. Even though I don't want that, not really. I don't want to block you out, Phil, not even when I'm… feeling like I did the other day. Like you felt this morning."

"I like having the bond, too," Phil murmured quietly. "No matter how I feel, I always like having you there in the back of my mind like a soothing presence, a reminder I'm not alone and I _ belong. _ I finally belong..." Phil trailed off, closing his eyes and gently kneading his paws into Dan's chest a little, craving that comfort as his ears twitched and his tail finally released itself.

His body seemed to have relaxed now. Nothing inappropriate was showing or reacting or setting off pheromones that only another feline could sense and smell. He felt okay, and his tail swished lazily against Dan's arm before winding around it lightly. 

"Familiars feel so alone before they find their witches..." Phil mumbled, sighing. "But now I have you. I think that's why I'm so much more comfortable with these things than you... because I never had anything before you, not really. Not in the sense that I wanted, needed..." Phil pressed his face into Dan's hand again to encourage him to go back to scratching, and meowed lightly when Dan did. His paws continued to knead at Dan's chest. 

"But I don't mind that you need more space. And I understand the automatic reaction to putting shields up. Sometimes I'm scared for you to have to feel my pain, and I want to block you out... but mostly I just feel safe with you."

Dan felt another deep stirring of sympathy to hear Phil describing his life in the other world before he'd found Dan. Phil didn't talk about it much - maybe Dan hadn't wanted to hear about it before - but whenever he spoke of that world, it seemed to be with a hint of regret but mostly a deep relief at not being there anymore. Dan had always found that difficult to understand, never quite sure exactly how someone couldn't miss their home of so many years and instead be completely happy in their new one.

Now, it made sense. For Phil, Dan had always been home, and finding him was the first time that Phil had been able to feel wanted, to feel  _ right _ . Dan could get a glimpse of what that meant - times when they used their magic together, when the bond was at its strongest, and this deep sensation flooded through him that everything was  _ right. _ He craved those moments in a way he hadn't ever expected, but for Phil it seemed to be like that all the time.

"I didn't even know I needed you until I had you," Dan murmured in response. Another tug of regret spiked through him when he remembered just how cold he'd been with Phil at the start, how stubborn and adamant he was that he didn't need a familiar to 'complete' him. Now, though, he saw that Phil didn't complete him - he  _ extended _ him. Phil made Dan reach places and do things he'd never even dreamed of before.

"I think that's it, though," Dan explained quietly, speaking into Phil's fur as he felt Phil's claws gently kneading the soft fabric covering his chest. "I want to hide from you the bits of myself I don't like very much. That's why I want shields, sometimes, even though I don't want to block you out. I'm glad you feel safe with me, though. I want you to always feel safe and happy."

Phil couldn't help the giddy rush of emotion that spread through him at that, nuzzling his face into Dan's neck now that he was pressed so much higher up on his chest, and sighing softly against the skin there. His tongue darted out to press a light kitten-kiss there, and then he nuzzled him again with his wet nose, just enjoying the comfort and knowledge that Dan was completely happy with him, now, that Dan was certain of their need for each other in each other's lives. Phil was glad for that, more glad than he could say, and happy to be in this form as Dan said it. He wasn't sure he could really face it as a human - Phil still didn't truly understand the distinction, but there was something sharp and more poignant in these moments when Phil was human that seemed to mean more than Phil could take right now.

There had to be some explanation for these confused feelings they were both facing, but Phil wasn't entirely sure he needed to understand. So long as they were both happy, that was all that mattered in the end. 

"I love every bit of you," Phil replied easily. "Even the bad parts," he teased, licking Dan's skin again for good measure, to reassure him he meant that in the kindest way - even if he was making fun of him just a little bit. 

"Oi," Dan huffed in response, nudging at Phil and dislodging him just a bit from his chest. "This is the part where you're supposed to say,  _ no, Dan, you don't have any bad parts, you're the most perfect witch I could ever imagine _ ." Dan was grinning as he poked at Phil's side again, his other arm encircling Phil's body so he wouldn't fall completely off his chest.

He cuddled Phil against him for a moment longer, taking a moment to run his fingers along Phil's tail now that it was no longer tucked between his legs. At least Phil seemed calmer about being a cat again, and it was strangely easier to iron out the more complicated aspects of their relationship when only one of them was human. Maybe they'd have to talk about it one day, but for now, Dan was just happy with what they'd got.

"You sure you're going to make me go to work today?" Dan mumbled after a minute, stretching out luxuriously under Phil. "I'm kinda comfortable right now."

Phil laughed, entire body shaking with it as Dan poked at him and teased him back, putting upon a fake irritation that Phil would ever say anything bad about him, even as his arms came up to wrap more securely around Phil, keeping him in place. "I can't very well lie to you, now can I?" Phil replied, still purring as he settled in against Dan's body. He felt a shiver go up his spine as Dan stroked over his tail, and meowed quietly. 

Eyes closed as he took a light cat nap that wasn't even really a nap, Phil muttered, "Yes, Dan. You have to go to work today," but didn't bother attempting to shift off of his pillow. He quite liked it, being pressed to Dan's chest like this, and he smiled as Dan pouted and groaned about having to move, not making any effort to go anywhere either. 

"But maybe just another minute," Phil murmured, grinning as he felt Dan grin against his fur in turn.

"Sounds good," his witch agreed, and Phil let out a deep breath before settling in properly with his head cushioned against Dan's skin. 

Staying like this was more blissful than Dan had ever really dared hope for. Having Phil curled up against him, telling him to work but making no effort to move - that was the best part. And if he was late, no-one was going to tell him off - Dan was his own boss, after all, though PJ maybe wouldn't be too happy about it.

Oh well. Dan could always just blame Phil.

They sat together for another long moment, with Dan stretched out on the sofa, his feet hanging off the end, and Phil curled up securely on his chest with eyes closed. He was probably cat napping, Dan thought as he watched Phil's fur rise and fall with his breathing, his tail twitching every now and again. He purred even in his sleep. Dan smiled, lifting a hand to scratch lightly at Phil's ear again, and chuckling when that earned him a louder purr and a nudge of Phil's head against his palm.

"I'm sure you don't need to sleep this much, really," Dan murmured, "And this is just a ploy to get me to remain your pillow for a while." He stayed there another minute before suddenly sitting up without any warning, sending Phil sprawling down into his lap. Dan grinned cheekily. "What? You're the one who wants me to work, remember."

Phil would beg to differ. Cats  _ loved _ naps, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with how much he slept, thank you very much. Worse than that, though, was when Dan unceremoniously sat up, dumping Phil straight into his lap and having the nerve to laugh and smile at a pouting Phil who could have easily clawed Dan to death if he'd been any less secure in his witch than he currently was. Sure, his paws had scrabbled a bit at thin air as he'd fallen, but he'd known that Dan was right there and would never let anything bad happen to him.

He grumbled a bit anyway, sitting up with an annoyed huff and jumping right out of Dan's lap and onto the floor.

"If you'd like to be like that, then so be it. See if I care," he harrumphed, and, with tail held high, Phil escaped to Dan's bedroom, laughing to himself as he jumped up onto his bed and settled in for a good old fashioned cat nap that Dan truly couldn't interrupt. His witch would just have to do without him for the rest of the morning. 

"No, no, wait," Dan sniffed when Phil turned his back and scurried straight into his bedroom. "I didn't mean that you get to carry on sleeping somewhere else! You're meant to come and help me!" It was too late, though, as Phil had already disappeared back into Dan's bedroom. The nerve of him, honestly, kicking Dan out to work while he went back to bed.

Still, it was kind of cute. And if Phil wanted to sleep, Dan wasn't going to stop him, especially when he'd been neglecting his job lately (and Dan really  _ did _ love his job, he was just lazy at heart).

Dan gathered up his books and belongings for the day and traipsed down the stairs, filling the bond with disgruntled muttering that might just invade Phil's dreams as he napped. All Dan got in reply were happy sleepy thoughts, though, and despite himself he could feel his lips twitching into a smile.

PJ had already opened up, and the small apothecary was filled with people browsing the shelves. Business was still booming, which was good, because Dan had been worried that the sudden arrival of Phil and all the disasters that ensued would put off his customers and patients. Still, it seemed the novelty of a new and powerful familiar was drawing more crowds in.

PJ greeted him with a rather frazzled grin, balancing potion bottles on a tray as he rushed back to a customer. "You've got a queue of patients in the treatment room, Dan, good to see you back!"

Dan waved at him, then turned to the door with a sigh. He often took care of the walk-in patients, tending to them while PJ dealt with customers wanting potions or repeat treatments. As he pushed open the door, he was met with several people on chairs or beds instantly clamouring for his attention, and smiled at them, putting on his work face and calm manner as he went to begin treating the first of them.


	20. Chapter 20

Phil slept so peacefully. He honestly could not have been any happier than he was napping in Dan's bed, surrounded by his scent, certain that he was alone and safe and not to be bothered any longer, which honestly meant more to him than he could say. He did feel a little bit bad about ditching Dan, though, but he knew his witch could get along fine without him for a few hours while Phil kind of just sorted out his head and how much he'd missed being a feline for a while.

When he did wake up, though, he was starving. A quick glance at the clock told Phil that it was noon - lunch time, then, and if Phil knew anything about Dan, it was that he would be taking lunch break soon. Focusing in on Dan and where he was, Phil watched as Dan treated a sick child, his magic a warm hum against their skin, and smiled to himself. This was his witch, perfect and caring and doing a job that Phil could not have loved more.

He waited just long enough not to interrupt Dan's focus, and then he was tugging on their bond in order to make himself appear right at Dan's feet.

He must have misjudged, because before he knew it, he was landing on top of an all too familiar chest and dropping both their bodies to the floor, laughing as they went down, and nuzzling at Dan's neck with the warm sound of purring in the hopes that it would keep Dan from getting angry.

The loud sound of chatter seized in the room, and Phil, suddenly a bit stage-frightened, glanced up with piercing blue eyes, shy and unsure of himself.

Unwilling to talk aloud with so many pairs of eyes on him, Phil turned his gaze back to Dan's slightly amused, slightly disgruntled one, and twitched his ears at him. _I'm hungry, and it's almost your lunch break. I didn't mean to interrupt or tackle you to the floor. I also... didn't think about how many people there would be, here._

At first, Dan thought he was being attacked. It came out of nowhere, a heavy weight slamming straight into his chest and sending him flying, until Dan tumbled onto the ground at the feet of the child he'd just been treating for an allergic reaction. He'd just about finished soothing the last of the rash when the heavy unknown _thing_ had crashed into him.

Dan squawked at the same time the child yelled, and there was a beat of silence in which Dan took in the suddenly _very_ familiar black fluffy ball on his chest, and then the chattering and gasping began. Dan had been busy in his treatment room all morning, but he was still flooded with more patients now they knew he'd returned to work. As such, there was a rather large crowd to be viewing the new novelty.

Dan had been fielding questions about Phil all day - honestly, he was convinced that half his so-called 'patients' were actually playing up mild ailments just to get a look at the reclusive witch with the incredibly powerful familiar who had somehow survived rejection. Dan had smiled through it all with gritted teeth, secretly relieved that Phil had remained upstairs for this. He didn't want his familiar getting unnecessarily ogled.

Which was why Dan was now viewing Phil with a sardonic smirk, eyes gleaming with amusement and irritation. He lifted one hand to flatten Phil's fur, and then sat up, catching Phil before he could go flying and wrapping him up in both his arms. _Don't worry, I've got you,_ Dan reassured with an amused silent snort, _Guess you never think things through, do you?_

His patients had all fallen silent, staring with open mouths and keen gazes as Dan got slowly to his feet. Dan addressed them all with a neat little bow, lips twisted into a smirk as he effortlessly cradled Phil against his chest. "My apologies. My irksome familiar is still learning the ropes of our world."

Dan's tone was amused, at least, which really helped to calm and reassure Phil as Dan wrapped him up in his arms and lifted them both up from the floor where Phil had dropped them earlier. For a moment, Phil even felt weightless and good, all curled up safely against Dan's chest, and he didn't even bother to struggle in Dan's hold because he knew he was safe just like this. His nose and face nuzzled just under Dan's chin, and he was taking a deep breath of contentment, momentarily fine and not afraid of all the people in the room, when suddenly Dan was speaking up and Phil was opening his eyes to a room full of gawking people.

There was a collective gasp, and the chattering started up again. Lilian Pearce, a young mother witch who was far too inquisitive for her own good, came so close that her nose almost brushed Phil's fur as she studied him. "So _this_ is the creature that survived all that destruction?"

Hands wrapping protectively around Phil, Dan edged back a step and drew himself up to his full, slightly intimidating height. "Yes. Came to remind me about my lunch break, which I'll be taking now. I'll see the rest of you in an hour."

Phil froze, the smart comeback he'd had for Dan about Phil still learning how to navigate this world absolutely dying on his tongue. He swallowed hard, his little heart beginning to race in his chest, and his magic sizzling painfully at his skin. It was only Dan's touch that kept Phil's instincts from lashing out at the unwanted attention he was suddenly getting, but it only seemed to get worse when Phil felt someone's breath against his fur.

The magic imploded at the same time as Dan clamped down on it, absorbing it as Phil shoved his terrified face into Dan's chest in order to hide.

The words of the witch caught up with Phil just in time for him to bite off a frightened mewl, and then Dan was bundling him up tighter to his chest and drawing backwards, telling the witch and the rest of his patients that he'd be taking his leave now. Phil was glad for that, having not realised until just this second what a mess he'd gotten himself into.

All he could hope as Dan stormed out of the room was that his witch was not angry at Phil, especially not considering Dan was currently keeping a lid on Phil's very erratic and panicked magic.

The sparks of magic were sharper and stronger, sizzling through the bond like jolts of lightning amid a storm. Dan knew it must be because of Phil's fear, because of the panic he could feel swirling through the bond, and guessed it was because of all the people here gawking at him. Dan grimaced, keeping his own cool bands of magic swirling through the bond, holding Phil's magic in check through stern ties and quick lids, applying pressure wherever it threatened to break free.

Phil was powerful, after all, but Dan didn't think his patients would much appreciate such an obvious sign of the new and powerful familiar who'd already caused so much disturbance in their neighbourhood.

As such, Dan made for the door as quickly as possible, ignoring the chattering and staring from the people around him. He was more concerned with the way Phil was cowering against him, his head tucked under Dan's arm to hide as his fur stood on end and he trembled. Dan soothed him gently, running fingers through his fur. _Don't worry, we'll be out soon. No one is going to disturb you, not while I'm here._

Dan narrowed his eyes at the thought. Phil was _his_ familiar. A strange ripple of protectiveness ran through him, lifting the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck. He'd stand between Phil and anyone who tried to approach him any day.

Once they were out of the treatment room, Dan closed the door firmly and made straight for the stairs. There were still patients milling in every corner of the shop, and all movement and speech stopped as soon as Phil was spotted in Dan's arms. The answering spike in Phil's magic was alarming. Dan settled a warning glare on his face, eyes glinting dangerously, and they were left undisturbed long enough for Dan to get them safely up the stairs and back into the flat, all the while keeping Phil's flaring magic under control.

It didn't get any better once Dan had left the treatment room they were in, because seconds later, Phil was finding himself out in his shop with another dozen or so people gawking at him. Even with his face hid under Dan's arm, and his body wrapped up in Dan as much as possible for a cat his size - which was to say, on the smaller size, despite being heavy enough to knock Dan over - he could still feel their gaze and the stunned silence that filled the room as soon as they were stood in it. It made Phil's panic flare, and his magic spike, but Dan was stronger and less frightened than Phil, keeping a tight hold on both of them as his magic weaved through Phil, soothing and clamping down on him.

Phil's tail moved to tuck up under his body again, and he shook with the fear and adrenaline of accidentally putting himself out there to be stared at. He hadn't been anticipating so many people to be interested in him, and yet it seemed like Phil was an anomaly to them. Were familiars not usually so blatant about what they were? No, that wasn't possible. Any witch could tell a familiar from a mile away... right?

Dan's thoughts were soothing, though, pressing over Phil the way his hands soothed Phil's fur when he stroked him, and soon enough, they were back in Dan's home with the door shut firmly behind them.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Dan flopped onto the sofa and placed Phil securely in his lap, still keeping their magic closely entwined until he could be sure that Phil had fully calmed down. He smoothed his fingers through Phil's fur, movements slow and gentle. "I mean, you could have at least warned me before knocking me over like that." Dan chuckled quietly. "Nearly gave me a heart attack."

Phil almost scrabbled to hold onto his place against Dan's chest, but he had little control over himself as it was, so he kind of just let himself be moved as Dan stroked over his fur, fingers gentle and kind against his body.

Phil was shaking so hard, eyes wide as he just kind of stared.

 _Why was everyone looking at me?_ he asked, ignoring Dan's joke entirely. _Why... why were they looking at me like that?_

Dan held back another chuckle, because Phil really had no idea how special he was, did he? He mustn't have any idea just how much of an interest he'd be to the local society. Dan wasn't the most social of witches, but even he knew that familiars weren't supposed to miraculously come back from the dead - as being rejected was viewed.

 _It's not your fault,_ Dan answered through their bond, adopting the way of speaking that Phil had used and presumably felt more comfortable with. He brushed his fingers gently against Phil's fur, watching the smooth strands flatten under his touch. _You're just interesting to them. Everyone saw how powerful you are from when the city was almost destroyed and then you repaired it all, never mind coming back after everyone thought you were rejected. They all want to see the new powerful familiar._

He settled back a bit in the sofa, kind of relieved to be back alone in his room and not dealing with patients. He loved his job, but it was exhausting. Still, feeling Phil trembling in his lap, Dan moved his left hand up to scratch behind Phil's ear, tilting his head. _It's also partly my fault. I… made it quite clear I wasn't interested in companionship or familiars before you showed up. I'm afraid a lot of people will be curious about the person who can stand to stay with the reclusive healer._

Phil's ears twitched at Dan in irritation and anxiety, the panic not really calming down just yet even under Dan's soft ministrations. He could feel his fur standing on end even as Dan's fingers trailed over it to gently put it back in place, but it just kept seeming to rise again with the force of magic Dan was restraining right now. Phil's paws were still shaking but he wanted to get himself back under control as well, because he'd been looking forward to having lunch with Dan today.

 _But I don't want to be interesting,_ Phil complained. _I'm just Phil. I'm just... just your familiar. No one should be so interested in me,_ he argued, not understanding why anyone would care whether he was powerful or not. Most familiars were just as powerful as their witches, and everyone had to know already that Dan was powerful. This couldn't have come as a surprise. _Besides, you're powerful as well…_ Phil mumbled, trailing off as Dan reached up to scratch behind his ear, interrupting Phil a little to explain to him that it was more than just Phil being special and powerful and strong in the eyes of their community.

It was also Dan, and while Phil was annoyed that anyone should be as involved in their relationship as they were, he couldn't help purring at the idea that he'd been the one to claim Dan for his own, to show him that he could be with someone else despite his previous fears - not that Phil could blame him in the least. He still sometimes feared that he'd disrupted Dan's life in a negative way, when all he strived for was making Dan happy.

_Then what am I meant to do? I don't like the attention._

Dan bit back the instant reply he had to Phil - that maybe doing things like jumping on Dan's chest and knocking him over right in front of all his patients wasn't the best way to keep a low profile. He knew Phil hadn't meant that, though, in fact he found it an endearing part of Phil's personality that he was clumsy and often acted without thinking things through. Phil was a special kind of innocent, very different to Dan, but Dan thought he could learn a lot from it.

 _There's not too much we can do,_ he answered eventually. _The interest will die down eventually, once they see we're just like any other witch and familiar. And actually… I wasn't all that powerful before you showed up._ Dan admitted this quietly, focusing on the soft feeling of fur beneath his fingers as he flattened Phil's fur, smoothing the constant sparks of magic he still emitted.

 _It's like, I knew I was a good healer, but I stayed mostly limited to potions,_ Dan explained. _I hardly ever thought of using spells or physical magic until I saw how easily you use it. You changed the way I think, and now I'm better at my job because I can see that there is so much more potential to my magic that I never saw before. That's down to you._ He scratched Phil's ear with an affectionate little smile. _It's not so surprising that everyone wants to see you. You're rather special, Phil. But I'm not going to let you get scared, okay? We can lie low for a bit._

Phil's eyes were wide as he stared up at Dan in stunned awe. Dan hadn't been able to see just how powerful he was before Phil came along? The words were a shock. Phil had always just assumed that Dan hadn't healed the way he did with Phil for some other reason, not because he hadn't realised how effective and good it was. All this time, Phil had just assumed that Dan had known more than him, and had looked up to his witch for knowing his craft better than anyone. The idea that Phil had taught _Dan_ something made him purr, made his heart swell, and before he knew it, he was pressing his face into Dan's stomach again, burying it there out of a sense of happiness and pleasure.

Phil had done something good for Dan's life, had done something to help him with his work, and that was all that Phil had ever wanted in his life.

 _I'm so proud of you, Dan,_ he murmured, finally feeling his magic settle down now his emotions had gone off the other end. He was grinning as he nuzzled at Dan's belly, and sighed as Dan chuckled and the feeling reverberated all throughout Phil's little body. He liked that, even, liked the way Dan's affection and humour seemed to rattle through him, fingers still carding over his fur.

Dan's chuckle was more out of surprise than anything, as he had a very affectionate Phil suddenly pressing his face right up against his stomach and purring loudly, emitting loud sounds of contentment. Dan grinned back. He was always pleased when he managed to cheer Phil up or calm him down, and he could tell he'd done a good job this time because Phil's magic had settled right down again, and his fur was lying flat in its proper place.

 _I'm proud of you, too,_ Dan murmured back, feeling warmed to the bone by all the affection flowing through the bond. He'd never known this type of unconditional love before, but with a purring Phil curled up in his lap, seeking more affection, Dan was suddenly hit by just how very lucky he was. No matter how much he'd fought it, how often he'd nearly ruined everything and hurt Phil, he still came out of it all with this adorable mess of a familiar to call his own.

 _I'm the luckiest witch, because I get to keep you,_ Dan thought, and because he was warm and excited and happy, he accidentally let it slip until it wandered errantly through the bond. Embarrassed, Dan scooped Phil up again, ignoring his whine of protest at being moved from his comfortable spot against Dan's stomach, and instead buried his face into Phil's fur, breathing him in.

Phil's heart felt like it was going to explode. He was grinning, and little sparks of magic had begun to erupt around the two of their bodies for a moment because Phil was so damn happy, but he managed to pull it under control just in time for Dan to apparently decided to upend him, as a second later he was being scooped up despite his protests.

Nervous by the sudden movement, Phil went to reach for Dan, trying to scramble with his legs for purchase, but then Dan was shoving his face into Phil's fur and just kind of breathing him in, and Phil felt at home. Dan had him cradled to his chest, and his face was pressed to Phil's fur, and there were warm, happy, fuzzy feelings buzzing through the bond that threatened to short circuit every single one of Phil's emotions.

He was so happy he could burst from it.

 _Mine,_ he murmured. _You’re all mine, and I've never been so happy._

Dan felt a sudden stir in his stomach at that, and it was… odd. Good, but odd. The idea of belonging to someone had never appealed to Dan before, but hearing Phil say it like that - like he was proud of Dan, like he couldn't have been happier to have Dan in his life - that was something good.

He didn't quite know how to express the well of emotion rising through him, so he kind of just pressed his face into Phil's fur and closed his eyes, nuzzling him. The bond was full of happy feelings coming from both him and Phil, and they entwined in this really special way that Dan was sort of running away with. He hadn't ever wanted this, but now, he couldn't imagine being without it.

 _Love you, Phil,_ Dan murmured, almost at the edge of feeling too much. Eventually, he placed Phil back in his lap and scratched his ear again, grinning as Phil instantly melted into him, purring loudly. _At least I know I always have an effective way to shut you up._

It was a shock to the heart every time Dan said ‘I love you’, and as Phil was placed back down in his lap, he kind of just melted there, purring loudly as Dan scratched behind his ear again. He was surprised when he didn't start drooling right away, but just let himself lay there in Dan's lap, feeling content and like he had been wrapped in cotton wool, adored as he was. Dan was perfect. Dan was everything. Dan was his.

And Phil was Dan's, but Phil could feel Dan retreating a little and didn't want to push this anymore. Dan knew that Phil loved him, that Phil belonged to him - they had no need for words that might make one or both of them uncomfortable.

"I was promised lunch?" Dan suddenly said, to which Phil lifted his head and stared at Dan, unamused.

"No you weren't," he argued. "I said you were _due_ for lunch, and that's why I'd come to visit you. I'm only here to leach off of you."

"Oh, I see how it is," Dan snorted. "I'm just here to pet you and feed you, hm?" He scratched behind Phil's ear again, making a face when he sent Dan an unamused stare, and kept scratching until Phil literally couldn't resist him and purrs started rumbling again. Dan's lips twitched up. "And here I thought I was worth something more."

He stretched his legs out in front of him, glancing over to his kitchen and craning his neck to try and get an idea of what food he had in. There was maybe still some soup in the fridge he could warm up - he was tired from working, and really didn't feel like cooking.

Clearly, clearly Dan had been serious when he'd said that he now knew how to make Phil shut up, because it only took a few irritated seconds of Dan scratching behind his ears for Phil to just kind of give in, slump over, and start purring again. He couldn't help it when it felt so good and made him feel so loved. He never really wanted to give it up, and was one of the best perks of being in cat form.

Rolling his eyes and choosing not to react to Dan's teasing at all, Phil rolled over so he was on his side and his belly was up, Dan reaching his fingers down to pet that as well. Phil's ears twitched, and his tail moved to start swaying across Dan's leg, puffy and soft. There was nothing better than having all of Dan's attention focused on petting Phil.

"Seeing as you made me leave my adoring patients, I think you don't get food," Dan said dryly, scratching still at Phil's ear. "Plus you abandoned me and stayed in bed all morning. Enjoy your nap, did you?"

"Hey!" Phil complained, grouchy. He rolled back over so he could stand up, deciding that Dan didn't deserve to touch his stomach after all, before jumping up on the back of the sofa away from Dan. Primly, he began to wash himself. "You know very well you would have skipped lunch had it not been for me," he complained, and turned his back to Dan, tail swishing definitely.

"And I had a great nap, thank you very much. Far better when you aren't there to interrupt it."

"So rude," Dan huffed, crossing his arms and pouting. He'd been quite enjoying rubbing Phil's belly and watching him sprawl out in the best display of comfort and happiness, displaying complete safety around Dan. Only Phil had ruined it by jumping off him and instead deciding that the back of the sofa was more comfortable than Dan's lap. Well, if he wanted to be like that...

"Sorry to hear I've been such a great disruption to your sleep," Dan sniffed, unfolding his long body from the sofa and stalking over to the kitchen. "I suppose you won't want to cuddle anymore. I should let you sleep alone from now on, then?"

He was smirking a bit as he entered the kitchen, checking the fridge and pleased when there was indeed some leftover soup sitting in a bowl. He turned the hob on with a flick of his fingers, magic stronger than he expected so a flare of smoke suddenly shot up unexpectedly. Dan coughed, hiding it with a quick rush of water, and then set a pan on to heat up the soup.

"And you won't be wanting lunch with me, then, seeing as I'm such a bother." Dan stuck his nose in the air, looking sad and pouty. "Clearly you're happier on your own. I should let you work all afternoon, then, catch my sleep when I won't disturb you." His lips were twitching, mirth bubbling away in his sardonic tone.

Phil was eyeing Dan from across the room as his witch played it up like he was more put out and upset by what Phil had said then he actually was, eyes narrowed and tail twitching irritably. He wanted to protest, wanted to beg Dan that he'd been kidding and that Phil wanted nothing more than to be around Dan, to eat lunch with him, and to sleep in the same bed, but something like pride held his tongue. He folded himself up on the back of the sofa, just watching Dan from here, and placed his face down on his paws again.

"It's not working, you know," he mumbled, annoyed and fighting the smile that threatened the edges of his mouth, because he loved the way Dan teased him regardless of how much he tried to pretend he didn't like it. It made him feel accepted into Dan's life, trusted, but he wasn't going to give in so easily.

Dan couldn't always have his way.

"You know, I'd be quite happy to take over your business if you'd like. You could sleep during the day, and I'll sleep through the night, and then we'll never have -" but Phil didn't finish his sentence because it was just then that he watched Dan's soup pot literally catch on fire.

Dan jumped back, confused and startled, and Phil threw himself from the back of the sofa as his magic exploded out to stop the fire. He felt the hot rush go through him, and then he watched as the kitchen was quite literally flooded with water, swooping out and towards Phil before he could stop it.

In the next second, he found himself being caught up in the large wave, and thrown across the room against the front door. He hit it with an "ooph," meowing loudly and batting his paws about spastically to try and swim, while Dan seemed to be completely gone from Phil's view. For all of a second, he panicked, and his magic seemed to go further out of control, conjuring a second wave to accompany the first, and then suddenly all of the water was gone, and Dan was staring with crossed arms down at Phil sat soaking wet on the floor.

The house was a mess.

Phil whined, scared and upset, and tried to put the room back in an instant. Mostly, he just managed to restore some of the water damage, but then he sneezed and one of Dan's picture frames fell from the wall.

The fire was a shock, but the wave was even _more_ of a shock, and then the spark of magic from Phil grabbed Dan's attention until he was acting purely on instinct, putting out the flaring spikes of magic from Phil before things could get really bad. It didn't take him long to be left in a suddenly soaked flat, and even when the water was gone, the damage remained, and as Phil sneezed a painting fell down from the wall.

"Yeah, like I'm giving you full control of my shop," Dan snorted, but his lips were twitching upwards despite himself. He was standing over Phil with arms folded, looking down with the best example of an unimpressed face he could conjure up. His magic was cool and soothing, wrapping around the warm spikes from Phil and keeping a lid on it as best he could.

Phil was absolutely sulking. He'd honestly just been trying to help and protect Dan, and then he'd gone and caused the need for Dan to come and protect him instead, putting out Phil's sporadic magic in an instant and standing over him, looking a little disgruntled, with their home a giant mess.

"Like you're much better," Phil complained, whining as he pouted up at Dan. "You're the one who started the fire," he sulked, ducking his head so he wouldn't have to look at Dan, who was likely quite disappointed in Phil.

Though there was no disappointment flaring through their bond, so Phil hesitantly glanced back up at Dan again to find that the other male just looked highly amused, though it was clear he was trying to maintain a facade as if he were not.

"Afraid you're stuck with me now, Phil. If you try and get away, I will chase you and I will catch you. You have been warned."

Chuckling as Dan assured Phil that Dan would chase after him should he try and leave now, Phil sniffled and stood up, miserably wet and feeling like a drowned rat - which he'd very nearly been only seconds before, and probably still would be if it weren't for Dan kind of just putting a cap on Phil's outrageous magic. Why did he have to be like this?

He turned back to the kitchen, eyeing the soup with a raised brow. The pot was burned and blackened - Dan must have been a bit enthusiastic with his magic when he was cooking, and he was too focused on teasing Phil to pay attention to his spell. But now the pot needed fixing, and the soup was ruined, and Dan was really too tired to deal with any of this.

"I'm ordering takeout," Dan announced loudly, and then flopped over on the couch, sinking into the familiar crease he'd made in the cushions over the years. He closed his eyes and opened his arms, reaching blindly for Phil. "Get over here. Come be lazy with me, as both our magic is clearly going crazy and I refuse to clean up before we've both had a rest."

Phil has just begun to shake his entire body to try and dispel the water droplets all over him when Dan walked away, declaring they could have take out and they they would clean up later as he collapsed on the sofa and told Phil to come and cuddle with him again.

Staring down at himself in distaste, Phil tried to use a spell to dry himself, only to find that Dan's hold on him was dimming everything. Pouting, Phil trotted over and glared up at his witch.

"Dry me off," he demanded. "And then we can be lazy. I promise I'll clean up the mess I've made."

"You'd better," Dan muttered with his eyes still closed. "My lunch break is supposed to be _relaxing_ , honestly." He was still chuckling, fully amused at the thought of Phil coming down to fetch him for lunch, only to then make a mess of everything. Dan was also kind of at fault too, though - maybe when he was tired he should stick to his potions, not the raw magic he still didn't have great control over.

He sat up slowly, blinking his eyes open, and glanced down at a very wet and disgruntled Phil who was looking unhappily up at Dan. Dan arched a brow, asking, "What?", before he realised that actually he had such a tight lid on Phil's magic that Phil couldn't actually do anything.

"Oops." Dan quickly loosened his hold, trying to hide the fact that he was clearly just as much of a mess as his familiar. Unfortunately, this didn't go very well when he accidentally released his hold too quickly, and then a sizzle of electricity rushed up from nowhere and blew out his light bulb again.

Dan pinched the bridge of his nose. Electricity around water was a bad combination, and he was tired and Phil was a mess and he couldn't quite trust either of them just then. So he stood for up to his feet and announced, "No more magic. Not until I've had a rest and we've fixed this place, okay? C'mere." He beckoned to Phil, leading him into the bathroom and scooping up a towel, all the time keeping a tight lid on both of their magic.

Phil jumped, startled and a little bit terrified when the second Dan let go of his magic, said magic just kind of... exploded again, destroying a light bulb in the process and causing Dan to put a lid on his magic once again before Phil could even go about attempting to dry himself off with a well known spell. He pouted, still put out about the fact that he was soaking wet, but realised quite quickly that Dan was most definitely right - no more magic until they'd both calmed down.

And possibly fixed the flat, because electricity and exploding light bulbs could surely only make the water issue even worse from here on it. Phil was still feeling pretty guilty about that on top of it all, so it really wasn't helping now that he was causing even more damage when Dan _didn't_ block his magic. Sighing, Phil followed after Dan into the bathroom, unsure what to expect from him in there, but sure Dan was going to take care of him.

Phil had just jumped up onto the sink when he caught sight of Dan grabbing a towel, and with wide eyes and a horrified yowl, Phil tried to leap for freedom - only for Dan to do as he said and chase after him, scooping him up practically from out of mid-air and stuffing him into the towel he was now holding.

With a smirk, Dan descended on Phil, keeping his promise to chase and catch him as he scooped him up in the towel and started rubbing it all over him, spiking his fur up in every which direction. "Drying you the normal way, sorry." He didn't sound very sorry, though, snickering as he battled a wriggling and yowling Phil to dry him off with the towel.

Disgruntled and horrified, Phil fought against Dan for all of the few seconds it took the other male to wrestle him back into place on the sink, and then Dan was scrubbing at him vigorously, mussing up Phil's fur and really rubbing hard against his skin.

"Gentle!" he complained as Dan teased him, apologising but not sounding apologetic at all as he towel dried Phil the old fashioned way. Phil could only imagine how annoyed he must look, and he was growling low in his throat as Dan messed with him.

"You're putting my fur back the way you found it," he complained, pouting as Dan just continued to scrub at his skin. He couldn't deny that Dan was helping him, and in the best way possible right now when neither one of them seemed to have any control over their magic, but he could still be put out about it.

Dan chuckled low in his throat. It was hardly _his_ fault that Phil looked absolutely adorable when he was disgruntled. Dan had never seen a cat pout before, but Phil was somehow managing it, and with his fur sticking up all ends in ragged spikes, he looked the epitome of an annoyed mess. Which, to be fair, was kind of what he was.

"You're the one who came to fetch me," Dan reminded him with a savage grin, deliberately fluffing up the fur right at the top of Phil's head. "That means you have to accept my help however it may come." He poked once at Phil's cheek, grinning when Phil sent him a very displeased stare in return. Those blue eyes were piercing, and Dan still got a little shock whenever Phil looked directly _into_ him like that, but Dan was learning to handle it.

"If I promise to pet you once I'm done, will you promise to stop wriggling?" Dan answered, hovering with the towel over Phil's body. Phil gave him one more long stare and then, with a sigh, flopped down in the sink and accepted his fate. Dan snickered, but he scrubbed more gently this time, going gently as Phil had requested and making sure he got every patch of Phil.

When Phil was mostly dry, if a little damp, Dan dropped the towel lazily onto the floor and scooped Phil up into his arms, grimacing as the front of his shirt grew damp. Still, he'd been itching for a cuddle earlier and hadn't got one, and Phil had _asked_ to be petted, so. Dan strode back into the living room and settled himself onto the sofa, running his fingers through Phil's fur to flatten it all back down again.

Phil eventually gave up fighting Dan once Dan promised him pets once they were done, and flopped over in the sink for Dan to dry him off completely. Dan seemed to give up rucking up Phil's fur as well - at least not to be intentionally annoying, as he still had to ruck it up to get under Phil's top layer of fur and to the wetter, bottom layer that never seemed to dry completely. Instead, they finished off with Phil damp and still growling a little just from the discomfort, with Dan dropping his towel onto the floor before scooping Phil up and into his arms.

Phil had to admit that that would always be a good feeling, and it was made even better when Dan sat down in the lounge and began to smooth Phil's fur out again.

"Can't help feeling like this is boring for you," Phil murmured once he began to feel better. "Petting me all the time, How could it possibly be enjoyable to you at all?" he wondered, though he obviously didn't want Dan to actually stop.

Dan arched a brow, giving Phil a look. Was he serious right now? Did he have no idea how much Dan enjoyed running his fingers through Phil's fur? Even if he didn't, he must have worked out by now that Dan enjoyed it, surely, why else would Dan demand attention from him so often?

But as Phil lay flopped over in his lap with his fur damp and sticking up, looking utterly sorry for himself, Dan wondered if maybe he really didn't know. After all, Dan wasn't very good at letting other people know how he was feeling - he was too reclusive for that. So he gathered Phil in close to him and smoothed down his fur, eventually focusing on the top of his head that had Phil's eyes half-closing in pleasure.

"I do enjoy it," Dan answered him softly. "It's just _nice_. You're all warm, and your fur is delightful. So soft. I like petting you." He pursed his lips, continuing slowly, "It's like - sometimes I like it better when you have arms to hold me back, sure, but then there are times like this when I'm happiest when you just curl up in my lap. I'm still close to you, I still get to hold you. And there isn't any of that added complicated stuff. I kind of love it, okay?"

Phil was slowly getting used to the feeling of Dan manhandling him, so when he picked Phil up yet again to draw him close to his chest, he just kind of let him. He didn't even open his eyes anymore than they already were, purring quietly as Dan's finger drew through his fur, untangling the clumped up bits, and seemingly trying to calm down the still damp bits. There was no more drying going on, but Phil didn't feel so disgustingly wet anymore, and Dan's body heat was keeping him warm.

He was kind of surprised by Dan's reply to him, though. He just didn't understand how someone could pet him for hours the way Dan sometimes did. Don't get him wrong, Phil absolutely loved it, loved having Dan touching and petting him, but... but sometimes he felt like a burden. It was a relief, then, for Dan to reassure him that that wasn't the case, and he couldn't help immediately agreeing with his witch on how different these things felt depending on what form Phil was in.

He suddenly wondered if Mara would understand. Maybe he'd go and visit her and see what she knew, if she could help him to understand the weird, confused feelings that he had all the time, and why sometimes he didn't even want to be human because the idea of Dan touching him in that form was... repulsive.

"Okay," he eventually replied aloud. "I understand now. I love it too. I don't think I could hold you right now. Even the thought of that makes me shudder," he admitted, because he really was turned off by the idea of being human right now. He'd rather stay like this, small and curled up in Dan's lap, no strange... complications to their shared form otherwise.

Dan glanced down, watching as Phil curled up in his lap, speaking through his purring. It made sense, his words. Dan could understand exactly what Phil was talking about because it resonated with exactly how Dan felt some of the time. Sometimes, holding Phil was too much, and being held by Phil was too much, but staying curled up with him or petting him as a cat was fine.

Other times, Dan craved being held and even being kissed, but the thought of that just then made him shudder. He'd maybe be okay with Phil holding him right now, but he was also completely okay with Phil purring in his lap as a cat. Even if Dan didn't understand those feelings exactly, or the way they fluctuated, at least Phil felt the same as him.

"I get it," Dan explained, gently scratching his fingers at the top of Phil's head and smiling as he got an answering purr. "Sometimes I want to be held, and to kiss you, but sometimes it's the last thing I want to do. So let's just… maybe we should make a word for when we don't want to do that?" Dan bit his lip. "I just don't want to accidentally do something you don't want me to, if you fluctuate suddenly."

Phil sat up, staring up at Dan with bright, surprised eyes as he suggested they make a way for both of them to know when the other had specific needs, particularly when one of them needed to avoid something in particular. His tail swished lazily across Dan's lap, and he cocked his head at him, thinking.

"I... like that idea," he agreed. "So like. A word we say in the moment? Or, more like a phrase we use to describe ourselves?" he asked, unsure. His ears were twitching in thought as he tried to consider what he even meant by that. He just wanted a way to say he'd changed his mind about wanting to cuddle in a moment, but also a way to say that he'd woken up feeling a certain way and didn't want that kind of behavior around him.

"We could have a safeword?" Phil asked, confused when Dan's face seemed to go red. "What?"

Dan bit back a splutter, holding it in as best he could, because he knew for a fact that Phil didn't know the double meaning behind his words. That was only held up more by the confused way Phil was looking at him, and the swish of his tail across Dan's legs. The problem was, Dan had no idea how to explain this without making both of them uncomfortable.

"Um," he started, and his voice came out like a squeak. He squeezed his eyes shut, sure that the only way he was going to make it through this explanation would be without looking at Phil, and even then it would most likely be the most awkward, excruciating moment of his life so far. This was something so awkward for _both_ of them, it was impossible to talk about.

"So, basically," Dan hid behind his hands, voice muffled, "There's a thing about safewords. Um. They're usually used for that… thing neither of us like talking about. Or thinking about. So, um. It's just… got a lot of awkward connotations."

Dan peeked out from behind his fingers, glancing down at where Phil was suddenly looking mortified. "Don't worry, though! You didn't know. And it's a good idea. Like - um - we can just, just have something to say when we're feeling bad. Like, we're feeling… I don't know, grey? A word we can both use and know exactly what we mean."

The second that Dan explained why he was blushing the way he was, Phil's could feel himself growing hot and awkward and uncomfortable, staring at Dan with an expression of open distaste and mortification. His witch was stuttering and awkward, but Phil could make out exactly what he meant, and a tiny nudge at the bond showed him exactly what Dan meant - and those were definitely not thoughts that Phil ever wanted to entertain.

He kind of backed up from where he was sitting on Dan's lap until he'd sprawled out onto the sofa beside him, and then scrambled back up into a sitting position, feeling that deep need to kind of be hidden from the world aching through him. He wondered if Dan experienced the same feeling when he thought of... _that._

"Grey," he blurted out, nodding his head quickly. "We can just say we're feeling grey. Regardless of the situation, then," he rushed to add. "Like, if you pull away, all you have to do is say you're feeling grey, and I'll understand," Phil continued, nodding his head again reassuredly. "I like that. That's good."

Phil turned his head, unable to look at Dan just then. He just needed a moment.

"I am very, very grey right now."

Dan blew out a slow breath, more relieved than he could say that Phil had caught on and understood so quickly. He nodded down at Phil, slumping back into the cushions and squeezing his eyes shut. "Right, well, we can have a very grey day, then."

Suddenly deciding that they'd both had enough of long, complicated, and slightly dangerous topics of conversation, Dan got up to his feet, no longer having to fear dislodging Phil from his lap. He glanced around the water-damaged mess of his flat and grimaced, remembering that he'd earlier insisted they get take-out before Phil had demanded getting dried off. This was one eventful lunch break, but Dan still wouldn't change it for the world.

That thought threw him. For the first time in a very long time, he actually felt happier in someone else's company than he would have alone.

"I am finding my laptop, and ordering pizza, and we'll find a way for you to try it too," Dan decided, heading out to his desk to find his well-used computer. "In the greyest way possible."

Dan very suddenly standing up made Phil remember that they were technically on a time limit here. Dan was on his lunch break - they couldn't just sit around talking or doing whatever they wanted right now. In a strange way, that thought was relieving, as Phil was still reeling from their sudden change in conversational topic, buzzing with repulsed feelings that made him feel very - bad, almost. It wasn't always like this, he knew that now, but right now all he wanted was to curl up and disappear so the world couldn't see him or touch him in _that way._

So as Dan promised him that they could order pizza and find a way for Phil to eat it in his cat form in order to retain the greyest atmosphere possible, he huffed out an agreement and closed his eyes, settling all huddled up in the corner of their sofa, just trying to disappear for a moment.

He knew the feelings would pass, and then he'd want nothing more than to just avoid affection or the deeper feeling of love they had when Phil was human, but would be fine if Dan wanted to pet him or hold him. Right now, though, he just needed a mild break.

By the time Dan returned with his laptop and ordered their pizza, Dan had released his hold on Phil's magic enough for Phil to finally shake himself off and dry himself almost instantly. Then, because he felt like he had to, he went about reversing the damage of Dan's lounge, proud of himself when all went well.

He turned a happy grin onto Dan, and then settled back in all comfy and warm on Dan's sofa while they waited for lunch.

Once the pizza had been ordered, Dan lost himself in browsing on the internet again - which, to be fair, he hadn't had a chance to do in quite a while now. With Phil crashing in and then decidedly taking over his life, Dan had been caught up in trying to analyse confusing, conflicting feelings and taking baby steps along the road of companionship, and it was all very exhausting. He was more than happy to be having a grey day.

As he scrolled through his favourite websites, he was vaguely aware of Phil pottering about the room around him. Dan left him to it, figuring if he needed help he'd call for Dan, and besides, the bond wasn't giving off major distress signals for the moment. There was discomfort there, yes, and Dan could feel just how upset and disturbed Phil was by the suggestion of anything _different_ to what they were doing now, so Dan made a mental note to keep his distance physically until Phil came to him.

Phil did, eventually, jumping up next to Dan on the sofa with the proudest look on his little feline face. Dan arched a brow. He looked up from the lid of his laptop and glanced around, and then both brows shot up when he saw that Phil had actually successfully managed to clean up all the damage from their joined magical loss of control earlier. Even the lightbulb was fixed.

"So you do have your uses after all," Dan decided, smirking and poking his tongue out when Phil gave a loud meow of protest. The bell rang just then, saving Dan from any cat-wrath that might occur, so he jumped up and went to retrieve their pizza with the biggest smile on his face.

Immediately, Phil was scowling, hissing playfully at Dan as the doorbell rang, saving him at the last minute from Phil's wrath. He reached out with a clawed paw to bat at Dan just lightly enough for him to feel the sting of his nails, but not enough to do any damage, and then harrumphed as he settled in on the sofa.

"Stop being mean to me," he complained, but he didn't truly mean it. He knew that Dan was just playing with him, and while Phil was not always as good with comebacks as his witch was, he knew that he could dish out just as much as Dan could shove at him, and just as well, in ways. He would always find a way to get Dan back.

Soon enough, Dan was returning with their pizza, the box far larger than Phil had been anticipating. It only occurred to him then that Dan had literally gotten someone to cook for him and then bring it to him, and the words "take-out" suddenly made much more sense to his previously confused mind. He hadn't had time to dwell on it what with everything else that had been happening when that had been brought up, but now he suddenly wondered why they didn't order out all the time.

"Why do you cook when someone can just bring you food?" Phil asked, watching as Dan slowly opened the box and the room was flooding with the best smell in the world - besides Dan, but even that thought right now was too much, so Phil shrugged it back off.

"Hmm?" Dan didn't hear Phil properly the first time, too lost in opening up the pizza and moaning happily at the smell. He could hardly remember the last time he'd ordered food in, often not bothering when it was just him alone. If he didn't feel like cooking, then he would just snack on whatever he could raid from the cupboards until hunger drove him to cooking again.

When Phil repeated his question, Dan glanced down at him and pursed his lips, considering the question. "You know, that's a good point. Ordering in is expensive, though, and less healthy, and as a healer I feel at least a small sense of responsibility for my own health." Dan's lips twitched. "I'd live on this if I could, though, seriously, it's the _best_ thing. Wait until you try it."

At that, Dan paused, considering. He knew well enough that cats couldn't eat pizza, but then, cats couldn't talk or do magic normally, either. Would it screw up Phil's digestion, to eat in this form? Dan had no idea, but he certainly wasn't going to force Phil to change shape when he was feeling like he was at the moment. Dan considered, eventually tiptoeing around the issue by asking, "Do you know if familiars can eat human food when they aren't human?"

Phil hummed, considering. He guessed he could understand that there needed to be consensus made when it came to making sure you didn't over spend on one item and not the other, and while food was amazing, with how often humans ate, he could hardly blame them for being careful how much money went into it. He also wasn't surprised by how expensive it was, but as the smell of the pizza wafted over him, he lost his focus and stood up to trot to the edge of the sofa instead.

The pizza box was on the coffee table, and Dan was standing just on the other side of it, peering down at it just as hungrily as Phil was. Phil was about to say fuck it and jump into said box to eat it himself since Dan was too busy staring to serve them both when Dan asked him a question that made Phil pause.

He'd eaten Dan's cereal in his cat form, and that had been okay, right? But he hadn't been able to change when he was sick, because his body seemed to want him to get through the virus he had in the correct form before causing potentially more harm to his other form. Still, the cereal had been fine...

"I think I can," Phil decided, eyeing the food hopefully. "It's a bit weird to eat it, but I had cereal that one morning and I was perfectly fine," he declared, and then really did jump across from the sofa to the coffee table in order to stick his face right into the box of pizza. He wanted to eat it all up, and the smell was so much more glorious this close. He made a small growling noise of want, and then he leaned down and snagged the bread of one slice, biting down as hard as he could to break it off and try and chew.

He ended up just kind of gnawing stupidly at it before Dan began to laugh at him and pulled away, disgruntled.

"Help me, then," he complained. "I'm hungry."

"You were hungry like an hour ago when you decided to knock me over to force me to feed you," Dan snorted, though he did reach over to disentangle the box from where Phil had quite literally jumped inside it. "For the record, don't jump on food if I have guests over. I have to look like I have _some_ standards." His tone was thoroughly amused as he finally managed to get the box out from under Phil's feet, leaving Phil balanced on the coffee table looking very disgruntled with his ears twitching in impatience.

Dan broke off a slice, then tore it into smaller chunks before placing them down in front of Phil, commenting, "This is why having fingers and thumbs is useful, see?" He chuckled when Phil's tail swiped irritably at him, though Phil seemed too caught up in sniffing and licking at the bites in front of him to properly retort.

Grabbing his own slice, Dan settled back into the sofa cushions, more interested in Phil's reaction than he was the food, to be honest. So far, every time Phil had tried something new he'd loved it, but Dan had a feeling this pizza might be the best so far.

"Then why did it take you so long to feed me?" Phil complained, voice muffled by the way he had settled down on the coffee table now that Dan had stolen away the pizza box from under his feet. He'd thought he'd done quite well for himself avoiding the pizza itself all together, but apparently that wasn't good enough for Dan.

Phil was pleased when Dan ripped up a slice for him, though, gathering the pieces up together in a bundle on the lid of the box, just on the coffee table where Phil could reach and eat. His tail twitched happily as he settled in on his front paws, curled up almost to lick and nudge at the food. He couldn't even bothered to properly respond to Dan teasing him because he was so focused on taking in the taste of the meal in front of him - which was amazing, for that matter.

Immediately, Phil began to purr, the sound broken up by hungry growls, but mostly a steady purr as he licked and chewed, using his back teeth as best he could in order to eat, dropping bits and pieces all over the place but happily licking them back up and into his mouth as soon as he was done chewing the bit already there. His tail swished happily, but he didn't have it in him to give Dan any other reaction but the happy purring just then, too intent on his food.

He hoped Dan would get the message that Phil _really_ liked it, anyway.

So far, it was definitely his favourite thing Dan had served him.

"I would have fed you sooner if you hadn't drowned my flat," Dan huffed, deciding to conveniently forget the fact that Phil had only had to do that because Dan accidentally set the soup on fire. As it was, he didn't have to fight a retort because Phil was too busy eating, which was fine with Dan. Especially as Phil was purring in constant appreciation.

They ate lunch quietly after that, the meal very uneventful after all the stress they'd had to get there. Dan relaxed back into the sofa once he was done eating, not really wanting to move yet. He'd have more patients piling up downstairs, but Dan was comfortable and he wanted to force Phil to work with him, now, seeing as Phil had got to nap all morning.

"Want to come help me this afternoon?" Dan asked through a yawn. "I mean, assuming you've slept enough now, with your cat napping."

Phil was still on his first slice of pizza, chewing away at the small bits Dan had given him, and oddly sprawled out on his side in a blissful mess that only a cat could manage, when Dan spoke up, having already ploughed through a good third of the pizza in front of them. Phil didn't even care - his stomach was much smaller in his feline form, and though he was sure he'd be hungry again sooner than Dan, he was quite content with how much he'd eaten.

"But people," Phil whined, rolling onto his side once the last bit of cheese and meat had been gobbled down, staring at Dan pitifully and hoping that maybe, just maybe, Dan wouldn't make him come with him.

It only took a moment of Dan's mouth pulling down in a somewhat upset frown for Phil to quickly change his mind, feeling a droop of sadness in their bond, and wanting anything _but_ that to happen. Dan deserved to be happy, Dan deserved to have his familiar along for the day if that's what he needed.

And besides, Phil could handle people. He'd wanted to make friends when he finally came to the human world; what scared him was the amount of people who gaped at him, staring at him like he was more than he was.

"I can come," he said, changing his mind and rolling onto his back only to stretch his paws out at Dan. Dan seemed to take the hint, reaching forward and gripping Phil's legs before dragging him up and onto the sofa where he deposited Phil right next to him. Phil stretched out along the length of Dan's thigh, but didn't climb into his lap. "I want to help."

Dan glanced down at the sprawled-out mess of a cat leaning against his leg, biting back another small smile. It was obvious enough from Phil's reluctance earlier that he wasn't too keen on coming down to the people again, especially the customers who'd ogled him so much. And yet, he was pushing that aside for the sake of Dan, because he thought Dan wanted him around.

And honestly, Dan _did_ want him around. He'd missed him that morning more than he'd expected, often turning around to point something out only to remember that Phil wasn't there. It meant more to Dan than he could put into words that Phil would be there for him even on a grey day, and that he'd put up with an uncomfortable situation if it would make Dan feel better.

"Thanks," Dan murmured quietly, knowing it wasn't sufficient and hoping he wasn't pushing Phil too much. He reached down and scratched behind his ear again, smiling slightly. "I promise not to let you get stared at anymore. You can just make potions for me in my office if you like, I just...feel better knowing you're down with me, to be honest."

Phil couldn't help grinning. Dan was so sweet, considerate in his offer to let Phil just hole up in Dan's office rather than actually sticking by his side, and he was incredibly tempted to do just that except…

"I want to come with you," he decided, turning his gaze from Dan's so he wouldn't feel like he was challenging his witch. He'd learned to meet his gaze most times, but he didn't want to when they might be arguing. "I want to see what you do up close. I can help, I'm sure," he decided. He remembered considering curling up in children's lap to make them feel better while Dan cared for them, and turned to Dan again with a grin.

"I could cheer up sick kids! Like a therapy cat," he said, giggling at the idea of it. His grin fell immediately, however, as their bond filled with someone akin to anger, and Dan's soft expression morphed in a frown. Phil recoiled a little, unsure what he'd done to make Dan so upset, and found himself flattening himself while also curling tight to Dan.

"Or not," he added quietly.

Dan couldn't quite explain it - the sudden tightening in his chest at the idea of Phil being around anyone else. It was something close to jealousy, and Dan hadn't ever had anyone to be jealous of before. His expression fell, his eyes growing dark and his brows drawing tight together.

Phil seemed to pick up on this, because he flopped again and went back on what he said. Dan turned back to him again, scratching at his ear and grimacing. "Sorry, I don't mean to be mean. I'd love your help, really I would, but I just - I don't like the thought of you around someone else like that, to be honest."

Dan bit his lip, his brows furrowing again. He kept scratching gently at Phil's ear, trying to formulate his feelings into words and honestly not doing very well. "I just - having you with me, it's so special, Phil. I love you, and you're my familiar, _just_ mine. It feels… weird, thinking of someone else getting to touch you." Dan confessed quietly, hastening to continue, "But I don't want to end up being super controlling, or overprotective. I'd never want that, and if you want to be around other people like that - I mean, letting them pet you and scratch your ears and stuff - I'm not going to stop you. I just - I don't know. I kind of like it being my thing, seeing as you're my familiar. That probably doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry, especially when you're feeling grey."

Phil could only stare as Dan attempted to articulate himself, clearly upset at the idea of ever being controlling or overly possessive of Phil, but also clearly upset at the idea of anyone getting to have that special thing that was really just Dan and Phil's. Phil could understand that feeling of pain and discomfort for Dan, because the idea of anyone touching or… or cuddling, or kissing _his_ Dan was not a much better thought than what Dan was probably experiencing right then.

Phil loved all the freedoms that Dan already gave him, loved that things were different than he'd imagined them to be, and it gave him pause to realise that there were some things that they still needed to consider.

Phil didn't answer Dan right away. Instead, he was left considering what Dan had said to him, and whether or not he really even wanted anyone other than Dan to scratch his ears or stroke their fingers through his fur. He shuddered immediately at the foreign thought, and glanced up at Dan, who was staring at him almost pleadingly.

For as much as Phil wanted to be helpful, and the thought of comforting children was good, actually putting it into practice was... not something Phil actually liked the thought if at all. He could imagine how they might be too rough, or touch him in places he didn't like to be touched, and he could imagine what would happen when he felt grey, and it was not good.

Not to mention how it felt _wrong_ for anyone other than Dan to touch him. It was different when it was an animal or another familiar, but another witch or human made Phil's skin prickle uncomfortably.

It wasn't something he actually wanted.

Phil rested his chin on Dan's arm and licked his skin a few times gently.

Dan hovered fearfully over Phil, waiting for him to speak. A strange sense of near-panic was gripping his chest, worry that he'd been too possessive and scared Phil off, or that Phil was going to disagree with him and then Dan would have to learn to be okay with watching Phil in other people's laps, watching their hands all over him. It made Dan shudder, and something sharp dug into his chest the same way it had when he'd seen that other cat assaulting Phil. It was hard to think that Phil might want that, that Dan wasn't giving him enough.

Maybe Dan _wasn't_ giving him enough, though. After all, Dan couldn't stand to even _think_ about things that most people in relationships just took for granted - what if Phil was only pretending to feel the same for Dan's sake?

"It was just an idea for me to be useful. But I don't think I really want that anyway," Phil murmured. "I don't... want anyone but you to touch me, because... it is special. I'm yours. It makes me feel bad to even imagine it now… Please don't be sorry. I always want you to tell me how you feel."

Dan’s fears were quieted when Phil started to speak again. Dan relaxed a marginal amount. There seemed to be true distaste in Phil's thoughts of allowing another human to touch him, the bond filling with disturbed thoughts from the both of them. It had Dan relaxing enough to calm down again, to realise that Phil really wasn't disappointed in him, that Phil _wanted_ to know Dan's feelings.

Hesitantly, unsure if this was the right thing to do, Dan leaned down to the warm weight of Phil against his thigh, and gently scratched his ear again. "Thanks for understanding," he murmured, taking in a slow breath. "It just feels _wrong_. You know? And, like, I'd _never_ touch someone else's familiar." He thought of PJ's raven and gave a shudder. He'd never liked her anyway, but somehow, the thought of touching her made his skin crawl. Not to mention that PJ would probably string him up by his own guts for trying.

"But I'd still like for you to come down," Dan offered with a small smile. "You can help me cure patients without having to actually touch them. C'mon, I'll show you." He got to his feet and smiled when Phil jumped down to follow him, and together they left the flat and headed downstairs.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart is breaking, now that our fic is coming so close to a close, but I think you guys are truly, truly going to love the next two chapters. We put our hearts and souls into this whole fic, but I think the climax is what’ll really strike home.
> 
> Also, just a quick announcement. If you are just as sad as us that the fic is coming to an end, and you’re up for something decidedly less ace/aro, we’ve started uploading a Sunday only fic, called Steal My Heart (steal my whole life too) on ao3 and tumblr as well, if you’d like to check that out! Just click our usernames and I’m sure you’ll find. It was our first ever RP together, and I think one of the one’s we are most proud of <3
> 
> Just adding to Eliza’s comments up there: this has truly been the most rewarding uploading experience. Every single comment is treasured, and just seeing such positive responses to something so blatantly ace aro has made me feel a whole lot better about my own identity. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and here’s hoping you’ll love the ending just as much as we do - Julia

The afternoon passed peaceably, with Phil scampering about Dan's legs and watching closely the way he treated his patients face-to-face. So far, Dan had only had time to show Phil the theoretical side of healing - the equations, the potions, the ways in which the magic worked without actually seeing the results. This time, though, Dan was much more physical with his patients, using his own magic to heal rather than relying solely on his potions. He'd always held a clinic, but he used to be much more reserved - Phil had shown him that magic could be used like this, though, and Dan was eager to try it out.

He laid his hands on people with rashes, or used soft strands of his cooling magic to calm down fevers not unlike the one Phil had suffered with a few days ago. He cured severe belly pains by a mix of potions and physical magic, and called Phil over to help him knit together a sharp, deep cut that a young witch had accidentally made by sending a knife flying the wrong way. The feeling of his own magic entwining with Phil's was still the most beautiful thing Dan had ever experienced.

Having Phil scampering about his legs as he healed was a wonderful new experience, too. He was useful as he fetched potions and herbs and helped Dan where he needed it, but more than that, it lifted Dan's mood to have Phil right there with him, to turn around and find Phil smiling happily at him, his tail waving. People would gawk, which made Phil uncomfortable, but Dan always made sure to take such people aside and have a stern word with them about learning their etiquette, or else they'd have to take their illnesses elsewhere.

The next few days passed like this, and Dan and Phil settled into a rhythm. Every morning they'd open up shop and greet PJ, who sometimes had Mara with him, which always seemed to cheer Phil up but sent Dan glaring in jealousy. In his defence, Mara didn't seem to like him much either. PJ told him it was all in his head, but still. Dan had never trusted the stupid bird, and he trusted her even less now she was running off with Phil. But Phil was happy, so Dan kept his mouth shut about it, at least as much as he could.

The day would pass with PJ and Mara covering the shop floor and Dan and Phil dealing with walk-in patients or making up potions in his office for the day. Once they closed up, PJ and Mara would head home and Dan always spent time in his greenhouse, tending to his carefully grown herbs. (The dragonplant was still the most successful thing he'd ever grown). Phil would sometimes join him, depending on how grey either of them were feeling, but more often than not, Dan ended up shooing him away in exasperated fondness, because Phil had managed to knock something over or accidentally sent a spark of magic to break something before Dan had a chance to put a lid on it.

The evenings they spent in quiet harmony, either curled up next to each other watching TV or reading or just talking. There was still so much to learn about each other. Sometimes one or both of them would be feeling grey, in which case Phil would usually stay in cat form and curl up next to Dan with his head just resting against Dan's lap, so Dan could still scratch his ear (an action that seemed mostly okay even if they were both grey). Other times, they were less grey, and Phil would resume his human form and Dan got to feel his arms around him again, safe and protected and  _ loved. _ Once more, they shared a kiss, a quick chaste press of their lips against each other initiated by Dan one morning just before he went to get in the shower. They still shared a bed most nights, whether it involved lying in each other’s arms or having Phil curled up by Dan's feet, purring.

It was a good rhythm of life, and Dan was happier than he'd ever dreamed he could be.

One day, around a week or so after Phil had started properly joining Dan in his shop, Dan was just finishing up attending to his last customer. He'd left Phil in his office brewing up a potion, and so as soon as the customer was out of the door, Dan waved them off and then went straight to his office, crashing in the chair next to where Phil was staring keenly at a cauldron that was giving off occasional puffs of green smoke.

 

"I'm officially done," Dan announced, flopping forward with his head on the desk. "Not working anymore. Nope. Also we're out of dried hibiscus, unless you've got any stashed somewhere you haven't told me about, and I think I might have to run down to the shops to get some treacle as well."

Things had been steadily changing, shifting into a kind of normal, easy pattern that Phil couldn't say how much he loved. It was a comfort to him to fit so easily into Dan's life, like a puzzle piece that was less of a burden and more helpful - most of the time. They worked together in near-perfect synchronicity, and Phil always seemed to know what Dan wanted purely based on the tone of voice he used when he called for Phil. It made him feel proud, and he watched, slowly, as the fur on his back when he was in cat form began to take on a healthier glow, as did his skin in human form. 

Phil was the healthiest familiar that anyone could ever meet, and probably the happiest too. Sometimes Phil caught himself comparing himself even to Mara, whose feathers sometimes dropped, or who didn't glow the way Phil did, and he wondered if it was something that had gone wrong recently, or if it was a lack of communication between PJ and his familiar. In the end, Phil always decided that it wasn't his business, and just focused on himself and how happy he was.

After a week of being a part of Dan's life, integrated in even to his work, helping him out in cat form down in the clinic, and sometimes in human form up in his office (as he was now), Phil really did feel perfect and happy. 

Today was not a grey day for Phil, and he'd swapped to human form to make potions while Dan had been downstairs working in the clinic. Phil had no idea whether Dan was feeling grey or not, but he was hoping that maybe he was not, because there was a fluttery feeling in Phil's chest at the sight of Dan bursting into the room, and he wanted to hug him - truly hug him, for the first time in a few days. 

He'd never push Dan or ask him for more than he could give, though, and so he was just staring fondly at his witch instead. 

"Here," he murmured, not even bothering to turn around and look while his magic grabbed hold of the true final bottle of dried hibiscus that Dan didn't seem to know existed. "I’ve not got any treacle around though, but I can go pick you up some," he added. 

Dan was finally looking up at him, and Phil chanced a slight grin.

"How are you feeling?"

Looking up, Dan swiped the bottle right out of the air from where Phil had apparently magicked it into existence. At this point, Dan couldn't even tell if he'd had a bottle hidden somewhere or if he'd just conjured one up right out of thin air because Dan said he needed it, and Phil tended to take the things Dan needed very seriously. He eyed the bottle with something like a suspicious frown, but then tucked it into his pocket regardless.

"I can get some more, you're busy with a potion," Dan disagreed through a yawn, flapping a hand at the cauldron that was still spitting green smoke. "I'm not letting you leave that, either, because I _ know _ that's the ointment the Green family were after, and that grandmother terrifies me."

Dan was just considering getting the energy together to stand up and head out again now, before he properly settled in for the evening with Phil, when Phil glanced down at him with twinkling eyes and asked how Dan was feeling. Dan had come to recognise that look - it was the look that said Phil was after some physical attention, but that he wasn't willing to push Dan. And as Phil was in human form still, Dan could pretty much guarantee that he wasn't feeling grey.

With a wide grin to match Phil's, Dan got to his feet and announced, "I'm feeling good. And I'm definitely not grey." He stepped closer and wound his arms around Phil's waist, resting his chin on Phil's shoulder and watching as Phil stirred the potion. He enjoyed this, in his non-grey days, getting to feel Phil pressed right up close to him like this was one of the best feelings ever.

Phil hadn't even known he was tense until Dan was winding his arms around his waist and resting his chin on Phil's shoulder. Air escaped Phil's lungs and he kind of just melted in Dan's embrace, humming softly in contentment. This was exactly what he'd needed; nothing more, nothing less, and Dan always seemed to know where to draw the line.

"The grandmother is quite terrifying, but she seems to love me," Phil hummed in agreement, stirring the potion three times counter-clockwise, and another four clockwise before freezing it instantly with his magic, watching as the green potion turned a startling shade of purple, and the smoke disappeared completely.

That was always Phil's favourite part about potion making; the near constant change in appearance to the potion.

"Everyone loves you," Dan answered huffily, nudging his face against Phil's neck and watching the potion change colour. Phil had picked up on how to make them surprisingly quickly, and Dan never even had to supervise Phil anymore. "It's part of being adorable and cute. Grandmothers will fawn over you but you're  _ my  _ familiar and everyone has to just remember that." He sniffed.

So he was maybe a bit possessive. Well, Phil was just as bad, and had proven himself to be that way this week as he had got into a habit of grabbing onto Dan whenever they were both in the same room. The patients had thankfully learned to stop gawking at Phil as much as they had been, but Dan had been receiving several compliments about how healthy both he and Phil were looking.

It always made Phil giggle when Dan got particularly clingy and possessive, because he liked the way it made him feel like he truly belonged. He tossed Dan a fond look as his witch nudged at him, and hummed softly in agreement. It wasn't as though Dan was the only maniac though; Phil had a habit of nudging Dan when they were with patients if Dan wasn't giving him enough attention. It turned out he didn't like others seeing him as human though, so he never went down with Dan as human, so he couldn't hold Dan the way he would have liked to in order to stake his claim.  It didn't matter though. Phil thought people were noticing how much they belonged together.

"Can you stay a little longer? Or are you busy?" Phil wondered suddenly, not quite ready for Dan to let go of him and leave. He hadn't seen nearly enough of his witch today to feel very happy about the prospect of Dan heading out again, but he'd always let Dan go if he had too. He'd see Dan that night after all.

Dan made a face as Phil asked if he was busy. He'd kind of love to just curl up here with Phil and hide for the rest of the evening, but he really did have an urgent need for ingredients if he was going to get through tomorrow's orders. "No, I really have to go out and pick up that treacle, or I’ll never go," Dan grimaced, and pressed a quick kiss to Phil's cheek before he stepped away. "I'll be quick, though. You're going to be in, right? I missed you today.!

Phil pursed his lips as Dan told him he had to go out, and made a small whining noise, but didn't put up a fight.

"I missed you too. I'm going to head home soon, so you can find me there. I'm expecting you back in an hour," he teased, and sighed as Dan let him go. "Movies and cuddles tonight?"

"Mhm, movie and cuddles," Dan agreed, already looking forward to being home again. "Will you stay human? I'm kind of… really not grey today." It had been several days since they'd last both been in the mood to cuddle, and Dan was feeling a bit clingy. At least Phil's mood seemed to match his.

"Yeah, course I will. I'm not very grey myself," Phil agreed immediately, grinning at the prospect of actually getting to cuddle Dan as two humans for once again. There was just something more intimate about that kind of interaction than there was when Phil was a cat. He didn't know how to explain it, but it seemed to mean more, seemed to be something different and caused butterflies in Phil's stomach that were warm and intoxicating.

He craved that feeling today, whatever it is.

"See you in an hour!" Phil called after Dan after his witch had bid him goodbye, and then went back to work.

Dan shrugged his coat back on and, with a final wave at Phil, he headed out to the front of the shop again. PJ had already closed up and left for the day, which meant everything was quiet. Dan headed straight out of the door, already keen to be back home and curled up with Phil on the sofa.

The shop he usually went to for his supplies was just a couple of streets away, and Dan walked quickly, his hands tucked into his coat pockets. The sun was still up, but dusk was just around the corner, and there was a slight bite to the air now winter was just around the corner.

As Dan turned a corner, there was a deep bark, and he grinned instantly. This was why he enjoyed this walk - there was a house on the corner of the street with a wide swinging gate and a giant garden, and a very enthusiastic dog that would come running straight up to him looking for attention. Dan bent down, grinning, as the spaniel instantly appeared and jumped up at him.

"Hello there," Dan murmured, a fond smile on his face. This dog used to be his favourite animal, but as he fondled the dog's floppy ears he couldn't help but compare them to Phil's purring when he scratched behind his ear, and the cat was just much cuter. Dan didn't think he'd ever be saying that, but here he was.

The bond was still open, and Dan smiled, remembering how he felt when he was petting Phil as he fondled the dog's ears. She yipped happily and rubbed her face against his legs, and Dan bent down to rub her side until she flopped over and presented her belly for rubs. Dan happily obliged - he did still love dogs, and had always wanted one, though he wasn't so sure how Phil would feel about that.

"Hello again, Dan."

Dan nearly jumped out of his skin. He looked up to see a young woman standing over him - and oh, Dan knew her. She lived here, and the dog belonged to her, and she'd been an occasional patient of Dan's too. So, needing to be polite, Dan got to his feet and smiled. "Hi, Ellie. How are you?"

"Good! Better now you're here." Ellie gave a silvery laugh and took a step closer. "We were starting to worry you'd never come back."

"Oh, you know I can't resist her for long," Dan disagreed with a fond smile down at the dog, who'd started excitedly running in circles around them. This dog was a great friend of Dan’s, had become one of his favourite things about going outside, and he often made a special point of passing this way to fondle her ears and see her excited tail-wagging every time she heard him coming around the corner.

Her owner, though - that was another matter. Ellie always  _ seemed  _ lovely, but there were times when she looked at Dan a bit too long, or made comments asking him if he was seeing anyone, that left him feeling a bit… uncomfortable. There was nothing exactly he could pin her down on, but she was just a bit… eager… for his preference.

Ellie laughed again, reaching out to lay a hand on Dan's arm, and that was exactly the kind of thing Dan meant. She always made him slightly uncomfortable. She didn’t seem to notice, though, smiling warmly at him as she said. "Well, we've missed you."

Dan didn't really have a good answer to that, so he simply gave her an awkward smile. He wished he could step away from her without looking incredibly rude. Sometimes, he wished he could just kind of offend her enough to make her leave him alone, but nothing had worked so far, and he  _ did _ like her dog.

But then Ellie leaned even closer, far, far too close for comfort, and placed a palm to his cheek, brushing a thumb under his eye.

Dan froze.

"Eyelash," Ellie explain with a smooth smile, staying close just a beat too long. She was close enough that Dan could smell her perfume, see the slight blush rising to her cheeks. "You need someone looking after you, Dan."

Dan coughed, staying still until Ellie had moved back. This wasn’t right. He didn’t feel comfortable with this at all, not when he  _ never _ allowed  _ anyone  _ this close, not even Phil except on non-grey days. And today was a non-grey day, but that only extended to his Phil. Dan didn’t want anyone else in his personal bubble of space, and he certainly didn’t want over-familiar neighbours leaning too close without giving him time to step back.

Dan backed up, staring determinedly down at the dog so he wouldn’t have to look at her irksome owner. "Anyway - I have an errand to run, so..."

"Okay," Ellie nodded, but she gripped his arm once more before he left. "Come back soon."

Dan bit back a grimace. He’d come back for the  _ dog, _ not for her. If only there was a way to make that clear. As it was, he simply tried for a weak smile again and gave an awkward little wave before turning his back and walking away. He could feel Ellie’s eyes burning into him, and held back a shudder, shooting a quick, “Yeah, of course,” over his shoulder, because he was awkward like that. 

Dan set off down the street again, eager to pick up the treacle and head home again as soon as he could.

**

Work was as easy as ever, relaxing in a way Phil hadn’t ever known fixing potions would be, and he was just finishing up another potion when his brain helpfully supplied to him that his timer was about to go off. Anxious to finish off his last potion for the day, the most temperamental of them all, Phil headed back to the potion he’d frozen earlier, and mentally counted down the seconds until he could move on. The second his timer hit zero, Phil unfroze his potion and immediately removed it from the flame. 

After sticking it in a few bottles for tomorrow to hand off to the proper family, Phil yawned and started to clean up, potion making done for the day. As Phil cleaned, he thought about later when he could cuddle with Dan, and ended up fondling a little cat toy he’d made Dan in own image a few weeks ago, and locked up Dan’s office and store before going upstairs to get ready for his movie night with Dan.

Phil was only half way up the familiar stairway when he felt something a little strange from the bond; a kind of familiar fondness and an image projected to him of Dan petting him. Curious, and aware that the bond was open and Dan wouldn't mind, Phil nudged in just enough to see through Dan's eyes. He had no access to his thoughts, but he could see that Dan was petting a dog. 

Phil knew that dog. Dan had been petting that dog the day Phil had found him and decided to go and form their bond.

The sight sent a little zing of pain through him, and he frowned but continued on his way to their flat as he watched Dan interact with the pet. He didn't and shouldn't mind too much, though he couldn't deny being a little annoyed. Mostly it was because he wanted to remain Dan's favorite.

Phil settled down on the sofa, sprawling out carefully after locking the front door, and pressed in a little tighter to Dan, curious to see what he was doing. The dog had rolled over for Dan to pet his tummy, and then -

Who was that? A flare of what Phil thought was jealousy flared through him at the sight of a beautiful lady akin to ones he usually saw in movies greeting Dan and touching him casually, her hand on his arm where Phil was sure it didn't belong. His heart ached, and he felt something angry building in him when Dan didn't push her away.

There was nothing to be afraid of, Phil knew that, and yet as the two continued to interact and Phil continued to be able to hear their conversation, the more angry he became.

This lady was flirting with Dan, and Dan was doing nothing to discourage her. Phil had seen enough movies to know what flirting and romance were, enough to recognise the want in this girl’s eyes, and as she leaned in, cupping Dan's cheek, Phil felt a flare of magic so hot and hard flare through him that the kitchen set back on fire.

He was so angry when Dan didn't push her away that he put out the fire without looking and didn't bother to fix the scorch marks.

Phil's heart hurt. He didn't know exactly why he was so angry when he didn't even know if he had or wanted to stake a claim on Dan the way the lady clearly wanted to, but it didn't change the possessive energy filling him until Phil just wanted to cry.

Magic prickled against his skin, and it was sheer force of will and focus that kept him from causing any more damage as he got up and began to pace their small apartment.

Why would Dan even do that to him? Didn't he know how much it hurt to see?

Phil didn't cry, but he wanted to.

**

Dan was completely oblivious to any bad feelings that might be coming through the bond. No, he was whistling and humming to himself as he strode down the street instead, tapping his fingers against his leg in a random rhythm to make the time go faster. He was honestly looking forward to being back home with some hot soup for dinner, curled up in Phil's lap for once rather than the other way around. He was itching for the feeling of having arms around him again. Phil’s arms, not some random lady who seemed intent on making him something more than he wanted to be.

Thankfully, the supply shop opened late, so Dan was in and out quickly with his order tucked safely away inside his coat's inner pocket. He didn't need to use the supplier so much anymore, not with his own greenhouse doing so well, but there were some things he still needed to come in and buy, like the treacle. Eventually, Dan wanted to be entirely self-sufficient, and with Phil's help that dream might come sooner than Dan had ever dared to imagine.

He walked quickly back to his apothecary. Now the sun was almost fully set, and he was cold and hungry and kind of really wanting a cuddle, if he was honest. He smiled at the thought of Phil holding him close. Maybe Phil would even greet him at the door - he'd seemed to be just as clingy as Dan earlier, not wanting Dan to leave.

"I'm home!" Dan called the instant he was back inside the shop. The downstairs was empty, though, so Dan locked up after himself and started to traipse up the stairs, calling as he went, "It's getting cold out there, I'm freezing. Can we get blankets?"

He entered his own flat and swung the door shut behind him, smiling, but the happy expression fell off his face quickly at the scent of burning that filled the air. Instantly, fear gripped Dan's heart. "Phil?" he called, flustered and quickly searching the flat. "Are you okay? Phil?!" 

A few seconds later, Dan found Phil pacing in small tight circles around their living room, and he relaxed immediately with a pained sigh, clutching at his chest. "You've got to stop doing that, I nearly had a heart attack! Are you okay? What happened?" Dan grinned, holding out his arms and just kind of reaching for Phil, really wanting to be held again after so long without. "You weren't experimenting with spells on your own again, were you?"

Phil could sense it when Dan came home, happy as a lark and seeming far too pleased with himself for Phil to calm down any. He just... he just... Dan was  _ his _ person, not that lady’s or anyone else's, and he didn't know how to put his foot down on anyone else getting to interact with Dan like that. Phil didn't want part of the traditional, often repulsive romance going on in movies and TV shows and the rest of the world, and yet he thought he loved Dan just as much as those people loved their partners.

This was different, though. Less and more and  _ everything _ . Phil didn't know how to explain it, but he was scared now that, even after Dan had seemed to feel the same way, not wanting anyone else to pet Phil or touch him in any way, that Dan wanted something... different with  _ someone  _ different.

What if he did want those things with that woman? Phil didn't want them, but maybe Dan secretly did.

Why did he have to be so happy when Phil was trying not to cry?

"Don't touch me," he hissed harshly, brokenly when Dan reached for him, smiling and teasing Phil for nearly burning down the house again.

Part of Phil was afraid he was going to hurt Dan if he touched him right now, but the other part just felt angry and possessive and hurt.

Dan was  _ his _ person. He didn't know what that meant but... but Dan was _ his. _

Dan recoiled straight away when Phil hissed at him. His eyes widened, panic flaring again that maybe Phil was injured in some way and Dan just hadn't noticed. It wouldn't be the first time Dan had completely failed his familiar. A quick nudge at the bond didn't give away any physical pain, though, even though there was a hell of a lot of anger and hurt pulsing through from Phil.

Dan frowned, reaching for Phil again, but Phil flinched away from him with burning eyes. Dan withdrew again, eyes widening in hurt and fear. What had he done this time? How had he hurt Phil? Or had Phil just suddenly gone very grey again?

"I'm sorry," Dan whispered, biting back the giant lump in his throat. He _ hated  _ seeing Phil hurting, hated the way he sounded so angry when Dan didn't know what had happened. "Did I do something wrong? Or did something happen? I'm sorry," he tried again, just kind of hovering by the door, eyes anxiously tracking Phil's every movement.

Phil hadn't stopped pacing, fingers curled in tight until his nails dug into the flesh of his palm, biting hard enough to hurt. He didn't stop, though, continuing his small circle of anger, burning a hole into the carpet, and avoiding Dan's hurt gaze entirely. Why did Dan get to hurt?

"Am I - am I not enough for you?" he blurted out after a minute of Dan staring pitifully at him. Phil could see his hurt gaze from the corner of his eye. "Am I not... giving you what you want, or need, or something? Because I thought-"

Phil didn't know what he thought. He'd just thought that what they had was good, was what they both wanted and needed from each other. He thought... he thought that Dan was happy with him, but was it just the newness of having a familiar that had made him act like this?

Maybe Phil was just a trial partner or... or trial friend. He didn't know, but the thought of it was enough to hurt, and he clenched his fingers tighter. He had to stop walking when his eyes filled with tears and he had to close them to stop them falling.

"Am I not good enough?"

Dan stared in absolute shocked confusion. What on earth was Phil talking about? Where had this suddenly come from? He'd been happy earlier, Dan was sure, had even been complaining about Dan having to go out again. Was he upset because Dan had gone, anyway? Did he think Dan didn't need him? The complete  _ opposite _ was true, though, surely Phil knew that?

Dan just stood there and gaped for a beat too long, the silence awkward and uncomfortable. Phil was still pacing, bent over and glaring at the tight circle he was making in Dan's carpet. Dan swallowed thickly. There was visible tension in Phil's shoulders, in the way he gripped his hands into fists. Every inch of Dan wanted to go and comfort him, but he didn't want to get rejected again. That  _ hurt _ .

"Of course you're enough," Dan answered eventually, when he remembered how to formulate words. "You're  _ more  _ than enough, you're everything I could ever want, you  _ know _ that. What - what happened?" He hovered at the edge of the room, fingers digging into his sleeves that he’d tugged up over the palms of his hands. "Why are you freaking out on me?"

"I don't know that, though!" Phil growled, turning on Dan with confused and hurt eyes, because he didn't know that. He didn't know that at  _ all _ . He'd thought he was everything to Dan, thought he'd been made in the perfect image and that Dan wouldn't need anyone else with him around. Had he been wrong? Because he didn't think he could do the whole... couple-y thing all that often, I mean. He loved cuddling with Dan, and when he was human he felt so much... stronger towards Dan in an entirely different way than he did when he was a cat and when he was grey, but... but... if that wasn't enough for Dan, he didn't even know what he could  _ do _ . 

"Clearly I don't know that," Phil said again, this time whimpering a little and taking a step back to match the one Dan took forward. "I thought I was enough for you, and then - and then you were out, and there was this  _ dog _ , and that was fine, that was good, I could deal with that, but -" Phil had to cut himself off he was so upset and confused. Why was he so confused? Why did he even feel like this?

"You're  _ my _ person," he said. Why couldn't Dan just understand that? "You're just... you're just _ mine _ , okay? And... and I thought I was yours? But, there was that girl, and she was so pretty, and she was talking to you like they do in the movies - flirting, remember? You taught me that. She was flirting with you, and touching you, and I thought you were  _ mine, _ I thought you didn't want or need that, I thought I was enough, but... but you let her. You promised her you'd be back."

Dan blinked, feeling slightly like the world was crashing down around his ears. His nose wrinkled, and his brow creased right up, and he made an expression of general distaste. "She was… she was _ flirting _ with me?!" Dan's tone was filled with shock and revulsion. That would explain why he prickled with discomfort whenever he was around her, why he’d never enjoyed her company much, but… but  _ flirting _ ? Wasn’t that supposed to be a two-way thing? Dan was sure he’d never flirted back, not ever.

Had he?

Dan hovered by the wall, fingers digging into his sleeves, and stared at where Phil was pacing away from him and looking altogether miserable.

"Do you - do you think she was _ flirting _ ?" Dan shuddered at the mere  _ thought _ , though he at least understood why Phil might be upset now. He'd be furious if he saw someone flirting with Phil - and Dan hadn't even put her off, clearly, because  _ he didn't even know she was flirting. _ Ugh. He shuddered again, making a noise of distaste.

"You're probably right, she  _ was _ , wasn't she?" Dan screwed his face up. "I didn't  _ want _ her to! Why do people just go and assume that I want to be flirted with? Ugh, that's just… no." His voice was vaguely horrified this time, and he looked up appealingly at Phil. "Just, no. I promise I don't want that."

He took another step closer, carefully, and then just held his hands out in an open invitation. "I swear, Phil, I had no  _ idea _ she was… she… ugh. I  _ hate _ that. You should know, of all people, that's the  _ last _ thing I want." 

Phil was biting his lip, staring at Dan who looked genuinely surprised as he tried to work through the apparent new knowledge that someone had been  _ flirting _ with him. Phil had thought it was pretty obvious purely in the way she'd been touching Dan, reaching up to cup his cheek and pretending to wipe an eyelash that probably hadn't even been there away from the underside of his eye. It made Phil angry again just to think about it, and his fingers clenched again automatically. 

He wanted to reach over and cup Dan's cheek, wipe his thumb under the same eye just to claim that patch of skin back, but that would be ridiculous and frankly quite weird. Phil had no true desire to get close to Dan's face and wipe under his eye. If he wanted Dan's attention, he could get it in other ways, and if he wanted a kiss - which is what Phil was convinced the woman had wanted - he could just ask. There was no reason to act like that. 

He still wanted to claim the spot back, though, or at least, he wanted to claim back Dan's attention. Dan should be with him... Phil couldn't fight his customers or even PJ, who was his friend as well as employee, but he could fight the lady who wanted to come in and take Phil's place away. Whatever that space was.

Dan took a step forward, and Phil held his own this time, watching warily as Dan reached his arms out in invitation for Phil to come to him. He didn't, holding himself back from just collapsing into warm arms that he'd been wanting to have wrapped around him all day. 

"But I don't know," Phil reiterated. "I don't know anything." 

For a long while now, Phil had been convinced that he did know Dan, but as time went on and his own feelings continued to fluctuate and change in the strangest ways at the strangest times, he couldn't begin to understand Dan, let alone himself. He just knew that Dan was meant to be his, and he wasn't willing to give that up or compromise on that. 

Dan stared beseechingly at Phil. "There's nothing and no one I want but you. You're my person, too. The only person I want around. I only ever go back there because she has a cute dog - I wanted to bring you along, actually, but I don't know how well cats get along with dogs?" Dan shrugged a bit helplessly. "I love dogs, so I thought you might too. I'm sorry, though. I won't go back, except to tell her to fuck off and mind her own business."

"There are other dogs," Phil grumbled petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest, though he had to admit that Dan was starting to chip away at his defenses. He just... "I don't want you to go back at all." And that made Phil feel like a possessive bastard, like he was in the wrong and being controlling and hurtful. That was the last thing he wanted at all. 

He couldn't bring himself to take it back, or go to Dan, even as Dan tried to reassure him that Phil was all he wanted. Phil didn't even know what he wanted, how could Dan be so sure?

Dan bit back a frustrated sigh, because as much as he wanted Phil to just get over here and give him a hug, it seemed that these issues ran a little deeper. Phil actually didn't know Dan wanted him, and only him? Did he really have no idea just how much he'd turned Dan's life upside down?

Well, maybe Phil  _ didn't, _ actually. Dan would be the first to admit that he wasn't any good at admitting his emotions, certainly not out loud, so it was entirely possible that Dan had actually failed to mention how he felt about Phil, and as such, Phil would still be feeling insecure. Dan wasn't very good at this whole being-close-to-people thing.

"Phil," Dan tried again, his arms falling uselessly by his sides, "Phil, of  _ course _ you're the only one I want. Have you not realised that yet? My whole life I thought I wanted to be alone, I didn't care about anyone or anything and to be honest, I barely even cared about  _ myself, _ because what was the point? I don't impact anyone, my life doesn't mean anything in particular. I have no special qualities, I'm actually really bad at a lot of things most people take for granted. Like relationships. I barely even had a  _ friend _ before you showed up, and then you happened and flipped my entire life upside down."

Dan ran a hand through his fringe, continuing quickly because he needed Phil to  _ see _ . "I was alone, and I thought I was happy, but I wasn't. I found it hard to get out of bed, to do my job, and I was doing my job half-heartedly at best because I just didn't  _ care _ about anything. But then you showed up, and even though I fought you, you managed to infiltrate completely until, before I knew it, I couldn't do without you." 

Dan half-shrugged, a small crease appearing in his brow. "Now it's like, like I can't remember how to function if you aren't there. I turn around to talk to you all the fucking time, even if you're not there, and if you're not I feel sad until I remember that you're always on the other side of the bond, and I can reach you in an instant if I have to. And I know I'm bad at this, okay, I _ know _ , I seem to just be missing some essential parts of being in a relationship that everyone is just supposed to have. But I thought you understood that, that maybe you were even okay with that. I'm sorry if you're not, and I'm trying, I  _ really _ am."

He took in another breath, daring to peek up and meet Phil's eyes. "I won't go back to her. I'd never go somewhere it would hurt you to be, so that's out of the question. There are other dogs, but that's not even the issue. The issue is making sure you're alright, because somehow I care more about whether you're happy than whether I am." Dan bit his lower lip. "So just - just tell me how to make you happy? I'll do it, I'll do anything. I just want you to be happy."

Phil swallowed thickly, caught up in the emotion in Dan's voice, and the way he tried to explain how he'd never wanted  _ anyone _ in his life up until Phil, how he'd thought he'd been happy etc... It almost hurt to hear, to know how much Phil's witch had been suffering while Phil was whiling away time trying to find him, and how if Phil had just come sooner, maybe Dan never would have felt that way. It way difficult to think past that, to remember that things happened the way they were meant to, and even  _ if _ Phil wanted to save Dan that pain, he couldn’t go back and change it anyway. 

So he needed to stop thinking like that, and he needed to listen to Dan, because Dan looked so miserable and confused across from him, trying to force Phil to see that Phil was the only person Dan had ever wanted. What did that even  _ mean _ though? Phil didn't know, he didn't know what he was to Dan, or where he fit, and he thought at one point that he was okay with just figuring it out as they went along, but when someone came along and tried to steal Phil's position, it made it difficult to be okay with just... letting this ride the way they were.

Phil needed some place concrete in Dan's life, a place he could feel safe would never be taken away from him. 

"Relationship?" Phil asked, eyes bugging a little and his heart stuttering in place as he moved to sit on the floor, legs giving out on him. He couldn't help the surge of  _ want _ in him, couldn't explain it or understand it when everything that came with being in the relationships he saw on TV were most definitely  _ not _ what Phil wanted at all. Half the time, he didn't even want the  _ cuddles _ or the physical love. Half the time he didn't even know if he... if he felt that way towards Dan. It was all just such a confusing mess that Phil quite literally just sat down on the floor right where he was, and stared up at Dan with deeply confused eyes, because he  _ wanted _ to call this a relationship, but -

"I just - I just need to know where we stand, but I don't even - are you my boyfriend? I can't be your boyfriend, Dan, I can't - I don't always  _ want _ that, I can't -"

"I know, I know," Dan interjected hastily, because honestly he recoiled as soon as Phil said the word _ boyfriend  _ and he had to bite back a surge of bile. That word wasn't right at all, no way, not for either of them. It wasn't anywhere near enough to describe the relationship they had, and at the same time it was too much, too much on the wrong spectrum. Boyfriend had all sorts of strange connotations that Dan didn't want, and he thought Phil didn't want them, either.

"I don't want you to be my boyfriend," Dan started, biting down hard on his lip as he watched Phil sitting in the middle of his floor. Dan was itching to go and sit next to him, to pull him in and make this all better again, but it clearly wasn't the best thing to do. So Dan rocked on his heels. "That's not right, that's not the right word - I don't - I don't know what  _ is _ ."

Dan let out a frustrated sigh, tugging on his fringe again. "All I know, Phil, is you're the only person I want to share my life with. I want you in my house and in my work and just, just  _ with me _ . You're the most important person, and I don't want to share you." Dan half-shrugged, confused and honestly just _ tired.  _ "That's all I know."

The second that Dan reassured Phil that he didn't want to be Phil's boyfriend, Phil relaxed, kind of just caving into himself and taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes, needing to calm down and just - just think, and stop reacting, and stop freaking out. This was clearly not helping either of them. They needed to calm down, and they needed to try and think rationally. All Phil needed was to know where he stood, and if anyone threatened to take that spot from him. He just... needed to articulate that better. 

He stared up at Dan as his witch started to tug at his fringe, and just kind of... listened for once. He let go of the anxiety and anger he'd been feeling towards the strange lady who'd flirted with Dan, the jealousy and possessiveness that had come with it, and just listened, considering everything that Dan was saying and reassuring him for once rather than letting his own thoughts overpower him. 

Dan wasn't experimenting with him. He wasn't. Phil just needed to make his head shut up for once. 

Phil patted the spot on the ground next to him, watching as Dan stared at him warily, and tried to offer a friendly smile. It came across as nervous, but Dan still moved to sit down. 

The space between them was unbearable. 

Phil collapsed sideways, resting his head on Dan's thigh, knowing Dan would push him away if he didn't want that.

He didn't. 

Phil's eyes flickered up to stare at him. 

"You aren't missing anything essential to a relationship," he breathed, because the last thing he needed was for Dan to think that Phil thought he wasn't enough. That was the opposite of what Phil thought. Phil thought Dan was everything, and even when he was terrified and confused about his place in Dan's life, the last thing he thought was that Dan wasn't giving him enough. "You're everything I need. I don't want you to change," he continued, wanting,  _ needing _ , Dan to understand this. 

"I don't want to share you either, it's just - it's just that whatever we have... sometimes it kind of is like those people on TV? And... and the girl reminded me of the people on TV. It was so clear what she wanted, and... and that whatever she wanted would usurp my place with you? Would uproot me, and make me less, and I don't want _ to be _ less. Sometimes... sometimes I want more, and sometimes I want less, and I'm upset because I don't even know what I want. I just. I just want to be your most important person. You can have other people in your life, but... but I want to be your everything, and I don't know what that means."

Dan took his seat carefully, not closing the space between him and Phil no matter how much he wanted to. He'd been itching to be close to Phil all day, but how he was just kind of terrified to push too far or disrupt another boundary, especially when things were feeling fragile and broken like they were right now.

Thankfully, Phil made the decision for him by just flopping over into his lap. It was exactly the kind of thing he would have done in cat form, and Dan's hand automatically lifted to pet him, running careful fingers through Phil's hair. Dan hesitated, but then Phil started talking, and Dan forced himself to sit and listen with his hand still carding softly through Phil's straight black hair.

It made sense, now he was properly listening. Dan could understand Phil's fears, could see where he was coming from. The trouble was, Dan didn't know what to call this… whatever it was, between them. It clearly wasn't a traditional romantic relationship, as half the time neither of them even wanted to hold hands or kiss or… any of the rest of it.

But then, what was it? Dan's brain was naturally over-reactive, and he was already running over just about every possibility. Were they friends? Sure, they  _ were _ , but this felt like so much more than that. Like - like there was something more to it. Dan didn't feel possessive like this over PJ, or anyone else, to be honest.

"No one could ever usurp your place in my life," Dan started softly. He was relieved that Phil had told him he was enough, that he didn't want Dan to change. It felt like they wanted the same things, there just… wasn't a word for it. And it changed, too. Dan knew the things he wanted changed from day to day, and sometimes several times in the same day, too. 

He always loved Phil, though. He always truly loved Phil - it was just the way he expressed it that changed.

"Phil, you  _ are _ everything," Dan answered in a small voice, "And honestly… that still terrifies me. Most of the time, when I sit down and actually think about this, about you… I get so scared. So I just… don't think about it. Or rather, I think about how happy I am when you're around, and how I want to hug you sometimes, and kiss you sometimes… but I don't like thinking about what that means?"

Dan let out a heavy sigh, glancing down to where Phil was curled up in his lap. He gently ran his hand in Phil's hair down to his cheek, instead, touching tenderly wherever he was allowed because, honestly, right then, he  _ wanted to _ . He wanted to hold Phil, to touch Phil, to feel Phil against him and beside him and with him. But Dan knew he didn't want that all of the time.

"I wish I could explain it," Dan continued softly. "I can't, though. Maybe we could look it up - I'm sure we can't be the only ones like this? But Phil, I promise you, you've got nothing to fear. Your place is in my heart, and you're staying there. No one can replace you. Fuck, I didn't even want  _ you _ to begin with, but now I've got you I can't imagine ever having anything else." He grimaced. "I'm sorry this isn't normal. I'm sorry I'm not… what you were expecting. But I do love you. I  _ really _ do."

Phil closed his eyes when Dan started talking, his bottom lip trembling with the want to cry, and his body aching to curl into Dan the way he normally would. He was scared it would be too much when they both felt so vulnerable right now, though, and he was holding himself back, just soaking in the way Dan had automatically reached down to card his fingers through Phil's hair the same way he would have done to his fur. It was reassuring and comforting and the best thing Phil could have asked for. 

His heart hurt, though, hearing how hard this was for Dan. This whole thing was terrifying for Phil, who'd had one idea of what he was meant to be to his witch from the world he'd come from, and whose ideas had all been flipped upside down once he met Dan, but Dan? Dan had never even been expecting anything like this, had probably never once considered any of this like Phil had. This was entirely new and terrifying for Dan in a way that it wasn't  _ entirely _ for Phil. Sure, Phil didn't feel the way he'd been told he would, but at least he had had some expectations, had some idea of what he wanted. 

Dan had been thrown into the deep end without warning, and Phil hated that for him, didn't blame him for not wanting to think about what it all meant when Dan hadn't signed up for this to begin with. Not that Phil had, but Phil had been born with an entirely different knowledge of the whole thing than Dan had been. 

At least Phil had been slightly prepared. 

"No," Phil insisted immediately, shaking his head aggressively against Dan. "No, I don't - I don't want anyone else's opinion on this. I don't... I don't want someone else's experience. I've spent my whole life considering the experience I should be having, I don't want to... to do it again with a different set of ideas and people. We're the same, right? We are," Phil insisted, suddenly filled with dread. The thought of asking anyone else, of having anyone tell him he was wrong all over again, was like a lead bolt in the pit of his stomach. 

"We're the same, and no one will know us better than ourselves, right?" he asked, hopeful as he rolled a little to look up at Dan properly. Dan's eyes were sad, the pads of his fingers soft on Phil's cheek. Phil bit his lip again. 

"I don't want normal," he added. "I don't. Not if normal is what - what's on TV, and what the other familiars told me. Not if normal isn't  _ you _ . I just... We're each other's most important person, whatever that entails at whatever part of the day. I don't care. So long as... so long as I'm your most important person."

Phil knew he was. Dan had already promised him that, had already reassured him that no one could replace him. That's all that Phil needed. 

"That's what we are. We're each other's most important person. As long as... as long as we know what that means, that's enough, right?" Phil couldn't help the way his voice shook, or the way his eyes filled with tears. He just wanted to belong to Dan, but have Dan belong to him as well. 

They'd been fine before today, fine before someone came along and threatened to take Dan away - but if Phil knew that no-one  _ could _ , then he could be okay. 

Dan's heart tugged weirdly in his chest. He could see Phil's eyes glistening, the way he clung desperately to Dan, staring at him with a mix of hurt and hope that did strange things to Dan's heart. He hated that Phil was hurting, that Dan had somehow caused this by not being a proper witch for Phil.

But no. Phil had told him he didn't want normal - he just wanted Dan. Dan, as broken and messed up and strange and _ different _ as he was. Dan could believe that, because somehow Phil was still here and trying to work things out with him. That was more than Dan felt he deserved.

"Yes, you're my most important person," Dan affirmed, and his voice cracked a bit. He stroked his thumb against Phil's cheek, and then wound his arm around Phil's shoulders and gathered him in closer, until he could bury his face in Phil's hair. "You're the only person I want. You're  _ my _ person. Will you - will you be that, Phil?"

Dan drew back, then, turning Phil until he could look into his eyes again. He'd never felt quite like this, not like he was placing someone else's happiness first, and wanted to be the best person he could be, just because Phil believed it of him. "Will you be my most important person?" 

Dan's arms moved to cradle him, and Phil moved with them, sitting up until his hip was leaning against Dan's thigh, and his head was laying against Dan's chest. Dan stuffed his face into Phil's hair, murmuring his words there while his arms held Phil tight to his chest. Phil reached up and bunched his fingers in Dan's shirt, clinging onto him and never wanting to have to let him go. 

His lip was trembling, as were his eyes, unshed tears threatening to spill any second. A lump was in his throat - emotion so tight and balled up Phil wasn't sure he could speak past it, but he needed to, because he needed to tell Dan that that was all he wanted, all he needed. He opened his mouth to answer, but instead of words there was a strained coughing sound that wasn't words, so Phil closed his mouth again and just tightened his hold on Dan. 

He wasn't expecting Dan to pull them apart, to force Phil to look at him, fingers warm on Phil's cheek, but he wasn't surprised. No. Even as he choked on emotion, felt his bottom lip wobble so hard he was sure Dan could see it, and felt the tears start to drip down his cheeks, he wasn't surprised that Dan would want to look at him for this. 

"Yes," Phil managed to choke out, and, because he needed it, thought he could see that Dan did too, Phil leant in and pressed a chaste kiss to Dan's lips, sealing the deal. He lingered, lips pressed to lips, mouths shaking against each other, but didn't need anything more than that gentle, soft, easy contact. 

Dan saw Phil leaning in, and he didn't lean back, instead just closing his eyes and staying in place as Phil pressed their lips together for only the third time. He wasn't grey, so it was fine, and it was actually kind of nice to have Phil close like this, saying through actions as well as words that he wanted to be close to Dan. So Dan wrapped his arms around Phil and drew him close, kissing back chastely, keeping the motion sweet.

When they pulled apart, it was slowly. Dan glanced up and reached up to thumb under Phil's eye, wiping away the unshed tears. Dan gave him a slow smile. "That's all that matters. We're each other's most important, and we want the same things. I know when you're grey, and you know when I'm grey, and it's alright. We get it - it doesn't really matter if no one else understands."

Dan's arms were so warm. Comforting. They felt like home more than anything else ever had, and them being wrapped around him allowed for Phil to pull away from Dan easier. It took away the fear of the moment being broken if he didn't keep kissing Dan, even though he was... kind of down. That was enough for him - soft and sweet and just enough to make him feel connected to Dan on a deeper level, a level that he needed just then. 

Phil's eyes closed when Dan reached up to clear the tears away with his thumb, and chuckled, the sound a little broken from the well of emotion still stuck in his throat. His lips were still trembling, and his eyes still felt a little wet, but he was feeling better already - more secure if nothing else. 

"Yeah," Phil breathed in reply to Dan's words, nodding his head with a small smile, eyes crinkling up in happiness that Dan understood him. No one else had to, that didn't matter, so long as Dan understood. 

The small crease reappeared in Dan's brow again, though, and he fixed Phil with a bit more of a stern look. "As long as you're happy. You have to promise to tell me if you're not happy, okay? That's all that matters to me. I want us to be happy, Phil."

Phi’s smile did wilt a little as Dan's brow seemed to crease in worry, his expression changing from soft to stern in a matter of seconds, and he had to kind of try not to wilt back in fear as Dan spoke, letting out a surprised laugh when Dan told him what he was thinking.

Letting go of Dan's shirt with one hand, Phil reached up and patted his cheek slightly, like someone might a child. "Promise. I can't hide from you anyway. I blew up the kitchen _ and _ got so angry that I blew up on you the second you came in here. You think you'd ever not know I was unhappy?" he teased, the grin fading slowly again as he took it more seriously. "I promise I'll always tell you," he added, and dropped his hand. He twisted out of Dan's hold, standing up on shaking legs, then, and just breathed deeply. 

He needed a second, that was all. 

"Movie?" he asked softly, turning but not looking right at Dan. 

Dan didn't hold back his slight huff of laughter when Phil said he'd blown up the kitchen. At least that explained the scorching smell. Still, Dan felt bad - he honestly hadn't meant to freak Phil out, or upset him by kind of accidentally accepting the advances of someone else. That reminded him, he needed to have words with that woman to make sure she knew he most definitely wasn't available.

When Phil climbed out of his lap, Dan glanced up at him with a slightly downturned mouth, though he knew Phil must just need a moment. So Dan got up to his feet and stretched, already moving towards the sofa when Phil asked if he wanted to watch a movie still.

"Yeah," Dan answered with another wide smile. "I'd love that. And I'd still love to cuddle you, I mean, if that's okay. I'm really not grey, and you're human again, and I kind of want to just sit in your hold and make you one hundred percent certain that I don't need or want anyone else in my life."

It made Phil smile and drop his gaze when Dan spoke, already heading over to the sofa and completely ready to get everything back on track without a second’s hesitation in his voice or movements. The idea of Dan proving to Phil that he really didn't need anyone else was quite appealing, even if Phil didn't truly think he needed to prove it anymore (maybe he did just a little teeny bit). 

Still, Phil would jump at any chance to get the affection he needed when he was feeling far less grey than he had been lately. In fact, he was so far from grey he wondered if that's why his reaction today had been so, so much more dramatic than it maybe should have been. He wasn't going to regret it, though, not when it had given him something he needed. Not all of his thoughts were clear, nor was he completely secure in the strange way his mind and feelings seemed to work, but just having Dan and knowing that Dan was _ his _ most important person was enough for him right now.

"It's definitely okay. I missed you today," Phil said once he'd finally gotten himself more under control, turning and looking at Dan for real. He knew he'd already told Dan that once today, but he really meant it, and he felt like he needed to say it again. "You kept me waiting," he added, just to joke with Dan, and finally crossed to meet him in his space.

"So your punishment is letting me sit on you," he said, eyes twinkling as Dan opened his arms to Phil immediately. They hadn't done this since the first time Dan had given him permission, but Phil climbed into his lap, basically straddling him, and wrapped his arms around Dan's neck, resting his head just under Dan's chin. He let out a pleased sigh when Dan's arms moved to rest around his waist, preventing him from being able to fall, and relaxed into him. 

"This is okay, right?" he asked, just to check. They didn't have to stay in this position, but just for the moment... it would be good. 

"This is more than okay," Dan promised, closing his eyes and leaning into Phil with a contented little sigh. This was what he'd been craving - the feeling of Phil's arms around him, holding him in return and making Dan feel safe. 

It wasn't that Dan didn't like holding Phil - he loved it, in fact - but there was something different about Phil holding him, too. It felt more equal, more intimate, and more like Phil was an equal person in this… relationship, or whatever it was. He finally felt like Phil was truly his.

Besides, as much as Dan loved Phil's cat form, he also _ really _ liked when Phil was just as big as him and could press his body completely against Dan's. There was something nice about that warm, heavy weight that reassured Dan that Phil was truly with him.

"You're not going to be able to see much of the film like that, though," Dan pointed out with just a hint of mirth bubbling in his voice. He tightened his grip around Phil and leaned back into the sofa cushions, keeping Phil's body folded determinedly around his own. "And I might just never let you go."

Phil made a small whining noise when Dan leaned back, but the other male hadn't let him go, so he tried to settle himself down and just keep himself wrapped up in Dan: the solidness of his body, the warmth of his skin, and the comfort of being held like he was loved. And he knew he was loved, he did know that he was loved, but there was something so much more to it when he was being physically loved by his witch, held and reassured and promised that there was more to them. 

"What if I never want you to let me go?" Phil breathed back, determinedly ignoring the part of him reminding him of the conversation they  _ just had _ because it didn't matter right now. Yes, they both knew their feelings and desires could change in an instant, and yes they would both pull away and give the other what they needed in an instant, but there was nothing wrong with saying exaggerated things when they were feeling that way, so Phil was allowing himself to just soak it all up.

He nuzzled at Dan's neck, laughing when Dan complained his hair was tickling him, and then leaned up and away in order to pepper Dan's face with soft kisses ranging from this forehead to the tip of his nose to the edge of his jaw, lips closed and puckered as he made exaggerated noises and just... loved. 

Dan was torn between laughing and melting, so he ended up just kind of melting underneath Phil's affectionate kisses. He sagged into the sofa and made little humming sounds, happy to have this time with Phil. It didn't feel like they got enough time to just exist together, without there being some pressure from somewhere to change them, or question them, or make them into something neither of them wanted.

Phil was here, and Phil was  _ his. _ Nothing else should matter, should it? Because for the first time Dan finally felt like he might actually mean something to someone, that he might actually make someone's life a better place.

When Phil stopped kissing him, Dan was quick to pull him back in and rest his head in the crook of Phil's neck. He closed his eyes and snuggled in, tightening his grip and breathing Phil in. "I'd happily never let you go," Dan answered quietly, and he meant every word. "I just want you to hold me forever, if I'm honest."

Phil had a lot of favourite things, but having Dan bury his face in his hair or in his neck ranked pretty high, because it told Phil how much Dan needed him, told Phil that Dan really was clinging to him, and never wanting to let go, that he needed to inhale Phil's scent and be comforted by Phil's arms around him - which only happened when both of them were feeling not-grey or less-grey than normal. 

It made the times when Phil was human feel like so much more, in a strange way. 

"I always will," Phil murmured, and tucked Dan in tighter to his chest, shifting his arms so he could hold Dan properly, so Dan could bury into him, even as Phil sat literally in his lap. 

Phil's heart was doing crazy things tonight, but especially right now. 

"Maybe we should just forget the movie and I can hug you for an age," Phil laughed, teasing, and then poked at Dan's side until his witch pulled back from his neck. His hair had gone all mussed up, more a quiff than a fringe, and he looked disgruntled but soft around the edges, so Phil reached out and cupped his cheek, stroking over that spot under his eye with his thumb.

"Mine," he murmured so softly he wondered if Dan could hear. "My person."

Dan grumbled when he was forced away from his comfortable resting-space in Phil's neck. He made a face at Phil, making it more than evident that he'd been perfectly comfortable, thank you very much, and it was really rude of Phil to make him move. 

The look in Phil's eyes, though - that stole Dan's breath away. The warm way they twinkled, hiding so much knowledge that Dan could only begin to guess at, and the gentle way the pads of his fingers swiped across Dan's cheek, right where the girl from before had touched him. Phil's face was warm and close and his touch was so much more pleasant than hers had been, sending pleasant ripples up Dan's spine and making butterflies jump to life in his stomach.

Dan took in a breath, almost too afraid to ruin this rather perfect moment. He shifted his arms until he could curl his fingers around Phil's hips, holding him in place and just barely catching the near-silent words that Phil whispered.

"Yours," Dan agreed softly, stock-still under Phil's touch. "Flawed as I am, I'm all yours." He tilted his head into Phil's touch, half-closing his eyes in a way reminiscent of how Phil would look when Dan scratched behind his ear in cat form. Dan didn't care, though - he liked being touched, having Phil exploring him like this. Dan was kind of enjoying being on the receiving end for once when he felt this non-grey.

"Keep doing that," Dan ordered, his fingers pressing gently into the soft flesh above Phil's hips. "Just… hold me. Then I might think about a film."

Phil didn't think Dan was flawed at all, but he didn't really have a chance to react to that before Dan was tilting his face into Phil's hand, eyes half-closed and soft as his gaze lingered on Phil's face. The look stole Phil's breath away, and he found himself doing as Dan asked when he insisted that Phil keep going, keep doing "that" which Phil assumed was stroking his face, petting him in a similar way to how Dan always pet him. 

Dan's hands were big on his hips, warm, and sending shivers up his spine. Phil liked the way they fit there, felt there, and hummed when Dan tilted his head more to ask if it was okay. He nodded, smiled, and stroked his thumb under Dan's eye before he reached up with his other hand so he could cup both of Dan's cheeks. His fingers sprawled out all over Dan's skin, taking in all of him, and he watched as Dan sighed and then closed his eyes entirely.

Phil took that as an excuse, as permission, to really start touching Dan, and slowly, he mapped out every inch of Dan's face with his fingertips. He ran them over Dan's cheekbones and the apples of his cheeks, caressing so gently he wondered if Dan could even feel his touch, and then up and over his forehead, sweeping the fringe that had fallen back up and to the top of his head. He trailed his fingers over the slope of Dan's nose, and then over his eyelids, which fluttered and felt silky soft to the touch. He mapped Dan's jawline, fit his finger in the cleft above his lips, and then, because he could, traced an outline over the soft pink of his mouth before he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss there as well. Dan didn't respond, but he didn't reject, and Phil pulled back with the smallest amount of lingering before returning to his gentle journey of Dan's skin and face. His fingers moved back and down to his neck, playing with his ears on the way, scruffing up the back of his hairline, and then ran down and almost to his chest, dipping into the bits of his collarbones he could just reach from the outside of his t-shirt. 

Every part of Dan felt soft, and firm, and  _ there _ , and it was the best reminder that Dan was real and _ his.  _

Dan's fingers tightened on Phil's hips, so he stopped his gentle appraisal, and he moved instead to wrap his arms around Dan's waist, practically heaving him up and into Phil's chest, where he buried his face in Dan's hair for once and pressed kisses all over the skin of his scalp. 

Dan sat still, almost paralysed under Phil's gentle exploration of his skin. Every touch sent a new zing down his spine, the butterflies running really rampant in his stomach now and his entire body filled with this strange new tingling that he didn't quite know what to do with. He kept his eyes closed, too afraid to meet Phil's gaze then when they were caught in perhaps their most intimate moment so far, because Dan didn't want this to break.

He felt special under Phil's touch. He felt  _ loved _ under Phil's touch. No one had ever treasured Dan before, nor taken the time to truly explore him, to know him. Dan felt like glass beneath Phil's fingers, and Phil was touching him so gently, as if he was precious and might break if he pressed too hard. Dan was absolutely  _ living  _ for it; for being treasured by Phil.

And then Phil drew back, leaving Dan missing his touch, until suddenly Dan was being gathered into a strong chest and Phil's face was pressed into his hair, and okay, now Dan was really being  _ held _ .

Dan absolutely melted. He flopped against Phil, caving into his chest in the best way possible and feeling Phil tightening his grip in response. To feel such a warm, firm chest in front of him, and arms securely wrapped around him… Dan had never felt safer. He closed his eyes and made a happy little sound, nuzzling into Phil's t-shirt as he felt Phil pressing kisses to his hair.

This was the best feeling in the world, and nothing could ever take Dan away from it.

"Wait," Dan mumbled, drawing back only long enough to push at Phil until he'd got them turned around, so Phil was sitting with his back to the sofa and Dan was curled up in his lap instead. Instantly, Dan resumed his place curled up into Phil's chest, bending his back to make his body small enough to tuck under Phil's chin. Instantly, Dan pressed his head back into Phil's touch and wound his arms securely around Phil's middle. "There. Your turn to pet me."

For a second, Phil was left confused and a little hurt that Dan was suddenly pushing him away, trying to figure out what in the world he'd done wrong to cause that kind of reaction, and then his back was pressed into the sofa cushions, and Dan was the one climbing up on top of him in a position that they'd never tried before. Phil's eyes were wide as Dan curled himself into Phil, bending himself awkwardly so that he could fit his head just under Phil's chin again. His arms came around Phil's middle, clinging to him as Phil reached up to wrap his arms around Dan's middle as well, and then Phil was laughing quietly as Dan basically insisted that Phil pet him for once.

So Phil did. He squeezed around Dan's middle once, and then buried his face back into Dan's hair and moved the flat palms of his hands to the top of Dan's back before drawing them downwards in a gentle but firm sweep of motion that would hopefully massage out all the kinks in Dan's back that he could feel - or at least, eventually massage them out, as Phil was certain they were going to be staying here for a while. Dan made a humming noise that Phil took as approval, and did it over and over again, sighing into Dan's hair, and occasionally dropping kisses there as well because he wanted to and because he could.

This was a good day. All of Phil's days, all of Phil's time with Dan in general, was a good day, but today just felt even better because for once... Phil could say with certainty that he felt safe in his place in Dan's life. No one could take this away from him, no matter how he was feeling and no matter which one of them was feeling grey. Nothing would ever change, and they could just stay here, where no one could touch them, and be in love. 

"I love you," Phil murmured. "So much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I hope that I'll always be the same for you."

Phil knew it was sappy, but he was feeling sappy, and his heart was beating a mile a minute, a buzz under his skin that he didn't always feel. 

"I hope I can always make you happy. I want to always make you happy."

Dan just melted even further against Phil at that, because he couldn't quite believe that he'd managed to get this. His back relaxed under Phil's touch, working out tension he hadn't even realised he'd been feeling. He melted into Phil, relaxing more than he'd ever dared, and closed his eyes with a low sound of appreciation that came out more like a gentle hum.

"I love you too," he murmured, lips barely moving against Phil's neck. Dan shifted himself until he was curled up comfortably, his head resting against the soft material of the t shirt Phil was wearing and had borrowed from Dan's collection. With Phil's arms around him, Dan felt completely safe, and for once he wasn't terrified when he confronted the very real feelings he had for Phil right then.

"Best mistake I ever made, letting you into my life," Dan continued softly, keeping his eyes closed, not quite daring to meet Phil's eyes. "I was so  _ angry _ , when I realised I had a familiar. I can't believe I was such an idiot, that I almost threw this away. You're the greatest thing that could ever have happened to me, and I don't ever want you to go away."

Phil's heart was trembling. Phil's _ heart was trembling. _ It was such a strange sensation, but the whole thing was strange and new to him. Dan made him feel strange things he wasn't entirely sure he was ever going to understand or be able to explain, but they were all lovely and perfect, even his heart trembling at Dan's words, squeezing and twisting with ardor and love. Phil smiled against the top of Dan's head, burying himself in there further, and held him tighter to him as Dan twisted about to get more comfortable. 

"I'm never going anywhere," Phil murmured. "I promise you, I am never going anywhere. You can't get rid of me now, Dan Howell."

The answering smile that Phil could feel pressed to his shirt made him sigh, and he pulled back to cup Dan's cheeks and draw him up for one last kiss for the night.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **insanityplaysfics** : i truly can’t believe this is over. The amount of editing and rewriting that went into this last chapter alone is something you can’t quite imagine, and I think… is the best clumination of the entire fic. Of all the chapters, this is ultimately my favorite, and is everything that I wanted to do with this story. I am so, so thankful to ineverhadmyinternetphase for writing this with me, endlessly grateful to how much love she put into it, and all of the things that she taught me through it, and how much I feel that I personally grew. I don’t think we could have done this story in any different way, and I am forever grateful to the people who stuck by us from day one. All I can hope is that this story is for you guys what it is for me - and that’s a safe space for you to feel accepted and content as well. Thank you as well to vanillasolitute for her endless supply of notes and comments and help, and all the effort she put into this, because let me tell you, I know this was a wild ride for all of us. I truly could not have done this without both of these people, and our readers support means the world to me. Thank you for going on this journey with us, and I truly, truly hope you love what this final chapter brings. <3
> 
>  **Ineverhadmyinternetphase** : just to echo what insanityplays already said, this fic is the single biggest project I have worked on to date and I'm so, so proud of what we achieved. This never would have happened if Eliza hadn’t indulged me in writing a character just like me, and I will be forever grateful to her for giving me the space to explore identity in such a fascinating way. Equally, I'm so proud of the world we created, bringing together magical and fantastical elements into what I hope reads as a well-rounded story. The comments from you guys have made every upload so special and I'm thrilled to see so many people understanding and resonating with this kind of experience. It makes me feel so much less alone. Thank you to every single one of you from the bottom of my heart <3

 

"Three bottles of Caldrac, the tonic for Lily, and the butterbeer you were thinking about twenty minutes ago," Phil said the moment that Dan walked through the door into his office about a week later, mouth open to ask for the items that Phil had already magicked his way. The butterbeer was Phil's own recipe, something he'd made by accident one night when attempting to make a soufflé (and Dan had already made fun of him for messing that one up) but that Dan had come to love after he'd made sure it was safe to consume. From time to time, he'd ask Phil to make it, but most of the time, he'd think it so hard that Phil would make it for him anyway, sending it off to him either via his own magic, or by switching to his cat form and taking it downstairs.

Today, he was in his human form again, as he had been most of the last few days. The two still had plenty of grey days, but Phil's were far less intense than Dan's recently, and Dan hadn't minded Phil being in his human form for the most part, so unless Phil was outside of the office or their house, he'd stayed human out of a sense of comfort.

"No need to thank me," he teased, turning his gaze back to the time-sensitive potion he was currently brewing. It could, and would, blow up if Phil messed it up even by a second.

Dan snapped his mouth shut, staring at Phil with a mix of bemusement and happiness. In the end, he settled for a little exasperated sigh, folding his arms. "Yeah, right. If I don't thank you, I'm never going to hear the end of it. Everything out of your mouth for the next decade will be, _Oh, Dan, you have to do this thing because remember when I made you butterbeer and you didn't say thank you?_ " Dan snorted, but there was affection in his tone and eyes as he regarded Phil.

He took a step closer, winding his hand around the mug and bringing it straight to his lips for an appreciative sip. On his way, he gently patted Phil's hand. If he hadn't been grey, he probably would've pulled Phil into a hug, maybe even kissed his cheek, but Dan had been getting steadily more grey throughout the day until now, and he felt much more comfortable without that kind of intensity.

He did moan a bit loud when he took a sip of the mug, though, and hummed happily as he grinned at Phil over the mug. "Okay, you win. Thank you _very_ much, and as reward, you can go bring Lily her tonic. She loves you way more than me."

Phil giggled as Dan teased him, knowing that the other male was right; if Dan didn't speak up now, Phil was going to take advantage of his silence on the matter, and Dan would never hear the end of it. Phil's favourite thing to do recently had definitely been to poke fun at Dan, and this was one of the easiest ways to do it, as it had taken a while for Dan to get with the program and realise that when Phil said "you don't have to," he really meant, "But if you don't, I'll hold it over your head."

"Come on, Dan," Phil argued. "You know I'm not like that," he teased, watching as Dan picked up the mug Phil had prepared and drew it to lips, patting Phil's hand lightly and letting Phil know that he was feeling particularly grey. The motion actually told Phil that his time as a human was up, now, and that it would be better for them both if he was in his cat form when he didn't absolutely need to be human until Dan was feeling less grey.

Rolling his eyes at Dan's backhanded thank you, Phil nodded nonetheless. "If you really want me to, I'll go bring it to Lily," he complained, drawing on Dan's magic and taking the excuse to change forms by concentrating until he'd popped through the change and came back out the other end as the sleek black cat that Phil still felt most comfortable as.

Sweeping fondly against Dan's legs as he walked past, the tonic floating neatly behind him, Phil rubbed his ear into Dan's calf, and then sped past him with a quiet purr. "Feel free to stay up here," he insisted, before he took his leave.

Dan snorted, placing his mug carefully back down again and giving Phil a little nudge before he returned to cat form. "You know as well as I do that you're exactly like that," he disagreed. "You'd never let me live it down."

He sipped happily at his drink, sliding into the seat behind his desk as Phil changed forms and rubbed happily around his legs before disappearing with the tonic floating along behind him. Dan was getting more and more used to the sensation of Phil pinching a bit of his magic, and it felt kind of nice now, how the two of them melded together. Even when he was grey, Dan liked that.

He was looking forward to curling up later with Phil-cat sprawled across his lap. As much as he loved being held when he wasn't grey, he also really loved Phil's purrs. Still, he wouldn't mind having a little bit of time to himself first, just to reorient his head after a busy day. Also, he felt kind of sweaty and gross after accidentally knocking into his venus fly-trap earlier and getting covered in soil, and he was itching for a long soak in the bath. He never felt completely comfortable doing that when Phil was in the house, though.

Feeling slightly awkward, but wanting to be honest, Dan nudged tentatively at the bond as he continued to sip at his butterbeer. _Hey, I was kind of wanting to take a bath...are there other things you could do while you're out before we cuddle later?_

Phil had just dropped off the tonic with Lily when he felt a nudging sensation flood through their bond, and then Dan's voice was there, hesitant and awkward and unsure. Phil had just been about ready to head back up to their house when the words hit him, and he frowned for a second before perking up and smiling, hoping that Dan would feel something akin to the sensation through the bond. Already, he'd changed course from heading back upstairs, and was making his way out of their store and out to PJ's house.

Mara hadn't been in the store again recently, and Phil was wondering if something was wrong. He'd been meaning to visit her for a while.

 _That's fine. I'm going to go hang out with Mara, see how she's doing_ , Phil agreed easily, sending good feelings through the bond to Dan and hoping it would calm him down. _Just let me know when you want me home_.

He had a feeling that Dan was going to need at least an hour.

Dan had never been more grateful to Phil than he was right in that moment. No sooner had he spoken the words, than he was getting flooded with soft feelings, gently reassuring him that Phil was fine, he understood, and he wasn't offended. Dan had been blessed by a companion who understood the need for personal space, and occasional time alone. It meant more to Dan than he could say that Phil didn't take it personally, but instead took it how it was meant.

 _You're the best_ , he hummed happily back to Phil, answering the good feelings with a wriggle of his own happiness. _I'll be soaking for an hour or so, probably, need to get all this soil off me. Have fun with the raven_. Dan couldn't help the little hint of displeasure that accompanied that word - he just didn't like the raven, okay? But he could handle Phil being friends with her, maybe. At least he was learning to curb his jealousy.

Dan happily made his way back down the stairs, locking up his office and checking on his shop floor before he headed up to his flat again. Everything was in order, exactly as it should be, and there were signs of Phil's existence scattered everywhere by now; two plates in the sink rather than one, two creases on the sofa...three towels decorating the bathroom floor because Phil didn't know how to clean up after a shower...

Dan shook his head with a fond smile, throwing them in the wash and collecting a fresh towel for himself, before he firmly closed and locked the bathroom door. He didn't often spend time completely to himself anymore, and sometimes, he liked just having time to relax and be still. Plus, he could still feel Phil's emotions fluctuating through the bond, and the reassurance that Phil was okay just made Dan even happier.

He started running the bath with a small smile on his face.

**

The trek to Mara's house was always nice, especially when Phil knew that PJ wasn't going to be around - he'd said something earlier about having plans for the night, but that Mara was home sick and would be around if Phil wanted to visit - making it easier to avoid interrupting any personal time they might be having. Dan wanting some alone time really couldn't have come at a better time, especially considering that Phil really _was_ quite worried about his friend, and so he was thinking on how he could cheer her up as he wandered through the streets of the city he'd once nearly destroyed.

That felt so long ago now. There had a been a time when Phil couldn’t even _think_ about what he’d done without wanting to throw up, and now he was able to wander the streets peacefully without having to pop from place to place via his magic. It was nicer this way anyway, and allowed for Phil to actually get some fresh air and a change of scenery. It was nice scenery as well - ever since Phil had released himself of the guilt of what he’d done and started to wander the town he now lived in, he’d come to find it incredibly beautiful.

He could not be any more pleased that it was safe and not destroyed now, that Phil was alive to see it.

The closer Phil got to the raven’s home, however, the more his sense of dread began to build. Familiars were quite attuned to each other, and Phil had felt unease prickling at him for days, weeks even, but never as intense as it was bothering him now.

Suddenly, Phil wished he’d thought to check in on his friend much sooner than now. There was a pit in his stomach that something was really, really wrong, and then he was turning the corner onto Mara’s street and realised there was smoke coming out of one of the windows.

Had he existed in any other world than this, Phil might have been terrified by the sight, possibly even assuming the worst, but he knew Mara was a familiar and that strong emotions could sometimes make her magic go out of control. That knowledge allowed Phil to merely pause and watch with trepidation in his heart until the smoke quite suddenly and impressively disappeared. Phil let out a sigh of relief at that, because it meant, if nothing else, Mara was still very much in control. That was a good sign, even though nothing else was, and suddenly, PJ not coming home that night made a lot more sense.

Mara was clearly hurting, and Phil hated himself a little bit for having taken so long to notice. He didn’t know _what_ was going on with her, but it was more than obvious it had to do with her witch. Most things when it came to familiars had to do with their witches, the only person in their lives they cared about more than anything else.

Phil sighed. His heart ached for his friend. He’d noticed over the last few weeks that _something_ was off, but he hadn’t put two and two together until now, too locked up in his own flourishing relationship with Dan to pay attention to his friend, and for all that he felt bad about it, he was going to do everything in his power to make up for it now.

And that started with getting up to Mara’s apartment and having a good old fashioned talk with her.

Choosing to forego his usual niceties, Phil channeled his magic the way Dan had taught him, rather than acting on instinct alone, and popped himself into the living room of the home he most wanted to visit.

Mara was in a frightful state when he arrived. The second Phil set eyes on her, his heart lurched, because her feathers were a mess and she was molting. The only thing that could cause such a thing would be her mood being far worse than Phil had ever even anticipated, and for a moment, he was too stunned to do anything.

He’d so rarely seen familiars in such a horrid state, their feathers, fur, or skin lacking that shine that Phil’s fur kept, lacking that delightful aura of magic shared between both witch and familiar, and their bodies beginning to deteriorate until they appeared nothing short of sick. Mara appeared sick. Mara had clearly been suffering for a long, long time, and Phil hated himself in that moment for not being there, for not noticing when Mara stopped showing up to work with PJ, when PJ stopped going home.

Where she was sat only added to the horrible image before him. Her small body was shaking on the bare floor of a blackened kitchen, the wreckage of countertops, storage space, and food littering the area around her in a perfect circle of destruction.

It was absolutely pitiful, and Phil’s heart broke for her.

Not wanting to startle the raven who clearly hadn’t noticed his approach yet, Phil took a cautious step forward and let out a pitiful little meow. “Mara?” he added, the call quiet and uncertain.

Slowly, the raven turned to Phil with dark, beady eyes, her wings fluttering uselessly at her sides, like she was uncertain whether or not she should be upset right now. It took a moment, but Phil was able to recognise the sheen of tears in her eyes, and let out a small whimper of his own.

“Mara,” he said again, this time even more quietly, and fell into a sitting position, making his body small and compact so he’d appear as less of a threat. “I’m sorry,” he added, and lowered his gaze.

Mara cawed at him, and hopped over, her legs frail and her wings useless, until she huddled right alongside Phil’s long form. Slowly, she collapsed, her beak landing on top of Phil’s head, where his ears twitched against her, and her wings pressing achingly into his fur.

“Hello, Phil,” she greeted, and her voice was gravelly and sad, heartbroken.

Phil whined again for her, and rolled over, eyes closing as he lay on his side for Mara, who collapsed fully on him until they were both just laying down, curled up together, just beyond the remains of a tattered kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” Phil said again, not expecting a response. He didn’t get one, and he started to purr gently instead, the sound as steady and quiet as he could make it in a raw attempt to soothe her.

**

An hour passed before they spoke again, and it was Mara who pulled away, inviting Phil to the sofa with her. For the very first time, Mara changed form in front of Phil, and a beautiful dark-skinned lady appeared in front of him, hair nearly as dark as Phil's but done up in beautiful braids. Her eyes were red-rimmed and she was sniffling, but there was a sad kind of smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

"Well, here I am," she greeted, to which Phil stopped and stared up at her, debating whether or not he should change forms as well. It wasn’t until the tears started to fall faster and faster down her cheeks, face crumpling in pain, that Phil transformed entirely on instinct, taking on his human features and reaching for the girl he’d known since childhood instantly. She was in his arms before he knew it, burying her face in the crook of his neck where only Dan had ever touched before. Phil couldn’t help hoping that Dan wouldn’t mind as he wrapped his arms securely around his friend while she bunched her fingers into the front of his shirt, crying steadily and heartbreakingly against Phil’s ear.

“Oh Mara,” he whispered, and held her tighter still, burying his own face into her hair and hugging her for as long as she needed.

It turned out that was less than a few minutes as she pulled herself together and then quite suddenly dragged herself out of Phil’s arms, wiping impatiently at her eyes and shaking herself a little.

“Sorry, sorry,” she insisted, sounding angry at herself. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, I just-”. She didn’t finish her sentence, instead inhaling sharply and biting down so hard on her lips that Phil thought she was going to make herself bleed.

“Mara, please,” he whispered, and went to reach for her. Mara shook her head, opening her eyes and letting her lip go all at one time.

“Please don’t,” she replied back.

“Okay,” Phil said instantly, and put his hands up in front of himself cautiously. Mara was eyeing him, clearly terrified, and it only made Phil’s heart ache _more_ because he didn’t understand what she was terrified of.

With another small whimper, Mara collapsed on the sofa behind her, and curled up in the corner, legs drawn tight to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them to keep them close. Tentatively, Phil followed her lead, sitting at the far end of the same sofa and staring at her with kind eyes.

They were quiet, again.

“Mara?” Phil eventually asked, He didn’t reach for her again, but he was sorely tempted. She was staring with glassy eyes at the far corner of the room, and it terrified Phil to see her look so empty. “Mara, hey. Please. Talk to me?” he offered once more.

Mara shook her head.

“Please, Mara. Please. You know you can tell me anything. It doesn’t help to hold it in. You need to talk about your feelings. Is this about PJ?”

The name seeme to snap something in Mara, because she was crying again before Phil knew it, sobbing into her knees, her small frame shaking from her position on the sofa. Feeling absolutely useless, Phil could only stare, eyes pleading with her to just _look_ at him.

“He’s leaving me!” Mara eventually burst out with, her chest heaving with held back emotion as she tore her arms away from herself and stood up to start pacing. “He’s leaving me, and it’s all because I can’t give him what he wants!” she wailed, and then she was shoving her face into her hands all over again, shoulders shaking as she came to a halt in front of Phil.

Still too afraid to go against her wishes and reach out to touch, Phil merely stared at her.

“Mara,” he whispered, biting his bottom lip.

She inhaled sharply, and clearly made an effort to pull herself together. Phil wanted to tell her _no, stop, let it out_ , but he held himself back, watching her struggle to come to terms with what she was saying.

When she didn’t speak again for some time, Phil tentatively spoke up.

“What do you mean, he’s leaving you? What aren’t you giving him? Mara, you’re soulmates, I -”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Mara practically screeched, whirling on Phil with a dark frown etched deep on her features. “And stop looking at me like that!” she insisted, her pain turning to anger so quickly that Phil heard another explosion come from the kitchen.

He jumped, startled, only for Mara to flick an impatient hand in the direction of the accidental burst of magic, and wave it away.

Phil didn’t see what had caught on fire, or what had been destroyed this time, but he did see the smoke quickly clear.

“Mara,” he tried to say, but she cut him off before he could continue.

“Don’t, Phil. Don’t act like - don’t act like just because everything is perfect with you and Dan right now that you can offer me any sort of advice. I’ve been at this game far longer than you have, don’t you think I know what PJ and I are? Don’t you think I know better than you what it is to be a witch's familiar? You’re so young and naïve -” her voice cracked and she suddenly started to cry again, shoulders shaking with the held back emotion.

Phil knew she didn’t meant that. Phil knew she was just upset. But the words still hurt, they still _stung_. Still, this was his friend, and he wasn’t going to leave her just because she’d said a few cruel words to him.

“Mara, don’t talk like that. Just because you’ve been doing this longer doesn’t mean I can’t help. You can’t just be alone in this,” he insisted, his voice pleading. Mara hardly seemed to be listening though, chuckling darkly and tossing her head as more tears careened down her cheeks.

“You don’t get it, Phil,” she dismissed, but Phil wasn’t having it.

“So then, tell me!” he insisted, “Because I’m not just going to leave you to suffer this on your own!”

With a frustrated whine, Mara threw her hands up, and just like that, all the lightbulbs in the apartment went out in a loud burst of shattering glass, and they were both left blind.

For all of a second, Phil panicked, heart beating fast in his chest. The fear was all too real, but he did his best to reign it back in and started to reach for his magic, drawing on its strength as he tried to get the lights to come back on again. His heart was racing, and he could hear Mara crying, and he wanted to _do_ something, but she’d basically told him not to touch her again. The lights wouldn’t go back on, though, like something heavy was weighing on them all, and then Phil heard the sound of Mara’s body shuffling frighteningly close - until she was sat directly in his lap.

The lights went back on then, purely from Phil’s fear, from the uncomfortable feeling radiating through him at having _anyone_ in his lap like this. He went to reach for Mara, to shove her off, but she got there first, reaching for Phil’s face and grasping hard at his cheeks before he could stop her.

“I just don’t understand!” she wailed, shaking Phil and staring at him far too close for comfort, her body hot and soft and _wrong_ against his.

“Mara - Mara, I don’t -”

“I don’t - I don’t want the same things as him, but I’m _supposed_ to! And I don’t understand! He hates me, Phil, he _hates_ me! What if I’m not meant to be his familiar, what if I made a mistake? I just - I don’t… I don’t know what to do,” she wailed, and held onto Phil’s face even tighter than before.

Phil’s hands were frozen at his sides, but his skin was prickling uncomfortably and he wanted nothing more than to shove this person off of him. Everything about this felt wrong, sexual in nature, uncomfortable. He’d never been touched like this by anyone but Dan, and he’d never known how _disgusting_ it could make him feel.

“Mara, please,” Phil whimpered, staring up at her with begging eyes because he didn’t even _want_ to touch her, not like this. Not when she was in his lap. As a hug, sure, as a cat, _fine_ , but not like this.

Mara cried harder.

“Even you don’t want me!” she whined, squeezing her eyes shut with a loud wail of pain that Phil did not understand. “What’s wrong with me!?” she asked, but Phil didn’t even know what was _wrong_ , and then, quite suddenly, Mara’s face was even closer than before until she was gasping in Phil’s face, snot and tears dripping onto his skin, lips far too close to his own for comfort.

“Why don’t I want this?” she asked, and tried to kiss him.

Something erupted from Phil then, and he panicked, magic bursting out of him in a way it hadn’t in _ages_. Before he could stop himself, he was flinging Mara across the room and out of his lap, standing up abruptly and curling into himself with the sudden, desperate desire to get out of there.

He was frozen in place, though, shocked and scared and staring at Mara with wide, terrified eyes.

She cried harder, then, from where she’d fallen on her bum practically across the living room.

“I just don’t understand! I didn’t even want to kiss you!” she wailed, and shook on the ground. “You have it so easy, being all gross and in love. I bet it’s easy for you to kiss Dan!” she complained, and turned hostile, wet eyes onto Phil. “You have it so, so fucking easy, Phil!”

But Phil just shook his head.

“You don’t know anything about our relationship, Mara!” Phil shouted instantly, heart racing and dreadfully hurt by her words. This wasn’t even something he felt comfortable talking about, not when it had taken him so long to come to terms with and understand his own wants and desires from Dan.

Mara laughed humorlessly at him, shaking her head.

“Is that why you wouldn’t kiss me, then? Because you haven’t gotten to that part, yet?” she asked, and laughed again. “God, you really are naïve. Just wait, Phil. One day, down the road, your witch is going to want nothing but sex and kisses from you, and then where will you be? Right here with me.”

Phil blanched, mouth screwing up in pain.

“Mara, that’s not fair,” he complained. “That’s not how it has to be.”

“And how would you know, Phil? Have you ever even kissed your witch? That’s exactly how it’s meant to be,” she shot back, venomous as more tears streaked down her cheeks and she finally climbed back up onto her feet.

“You’re meant to share everything with your witch, give him everything he needs. Don’t you know that means your body too? Not just your heart, not just your soul - no, that’s not enough. He’ll take everything from you Phil, and there’s nothing that you’ll ever be able to do about it. And if you don’t give that to him, don’t give him sex and blowjobs and anything else that he asks of you, then he’s just going to leave and get it from somewhere else!” she spat.

Phil’s heart _hurt_. He wanted to cry even more than before, and his mind was swirling with such mixed emotions that he didn’t know _what_ to do. On the one hand, he knew that Mara was wrong, knew that what she was saying was coming from a place of hurt and misunderstanding on her own part, but the words hit home, hit every insecurity that Phil had ever had about Dan and then some. He knew that she was projecting her own situation onto Phil, knew nothing of Dan and Phil’s relationship, and yet it still struck him until all he could feel was panic that somehow, someway, she was right.

“I’m broken,” she wailed, and suddenly, she was crying again.

“I can’t love him like that, and he _hates_ me for it.”

Doing his damned best to pull himself together, Phil shook his head and bit his lip.

“Not - not every familiar has to be in love with their witch. Not every pair want to be… want _that_ kind of soulmate,” he insisted with a determined shake of his head.

“Yes they do!” Mara shouted over him, rushing at him like she was going to attack him.

Phil yelped and took a terrified step back, but she didn’t touch him again.

“Yes they do!” she said again. “And the sooner you realise that, the better!”

But Phil wasn’t having any of that. He might not fully understand what he and Dan had together, didn’t fully understand what he was or why he didn’t want the things that appeared so normal to the rest of the world, but if there was one thing he was certain of, it was that Mara _had_ to be wrong.

So he stood up straight and he turned and he faced her with the deadliest expression he could manage.

“No, you’re wrong. And the sooner _you_ realise that, the better!” he growled, towering over her and watching her cower. “You’re just too scared to talk to your witch, too scared to find out that you’re different from what the world taught you that you should be. But the familiar’s wants and desires matter too, and if your witch is the right witch, then there is no doubt in my mind that they’ll want the exact same things as you do! You don’t have to give PJ any of that, and he shouldn't ask you for that, and that’s okay. He’s still yours, and he’s still your soulmate, and you're still the number one person in his life!”

Phil’s chest was heaving by the time he was done, and Mara was staring up at him in absolute awe and pain.

“Talk to your witch, Mara, and stop letting society dictate to you what’s right and what’s wrong.”

Phil didn’t stick around a second longer, revulsion still crawling under his skin at the way it had felt to have Mara touching him, in his lap, leaning forward to _kiss_ him. In an instant, he was popping back home with tears of his own in his eyes, because for everything that he’d said to Mara… he was terrified that in some ways, he was wrong.

Was it really normal to not want to have sex with your witch, to not want to be intimate in that way? Was it really normal to love them one day, and _love_ them the next?

**

Dan had been relaxing in the bath for almost an hour, happy, until things started to go sour the way they always did if he was left alone for too long. Dan knew his own tendency to get lost in his head, and years of living alone had taught him mostly how to handle it so he wouldn't end up caught in a dark cycle that had left him on the floor one too many times. As soon as his thoughts started to drift, though, Dan was up and out of the bath, reaching for some happy music to play on his phone while he towelled himself dry.

Dan's lips twitched when one particular song came on his playlist. Phil had added this one. There had been a delightful afternoon, early on in them learning about living together, when Phil had seen Dan using his phone for the first time and nearly had a heart attack when music sounded from it. Dan had laughed, until Phil whacked him with a paw and yowled at him to explain. Since then, Phil had grown all but captivated by the little device, and he was forever sneaking it away from Dan and adding to the playlist some of his own favourite songs.

This was one of those, some dancey number that Dan wouldn't personally have chosen. It was a bit… bright, for his tastes. That fit Phil, though, with Phil being the much brighter side of Dan's soft but sometimes sad demeanour. He couldn't help but smile as he dressed himself in his pyjamas to the happy little song.

He was just settling down in the living room and flicking on a new episode of the show he and Phil had started watching together when the first ripple of _bad_ echoed through the bond.

Dan sat straight up in an instant. He'd been trying to get better at paying more attention to the bond, especially when they were apart, and so at the first sign of trouble he was diving straight into it and nudging his way into Phil's eyes, the way Phil had shown him how to do. He couldn't sense any of Phil's actual thoughts this way, but he _could_ see and hear everything that Phil saw and heard.

There was a strange woman in front of him, a woman that Dan had never seen before, but he gathered from the fact that they were in PJ's house that it must be the raven. Dan flinched, almost withdrawing - there was something kind of _wrong_ about seeing the human form of someone else's familiar - but before he knew it, she was speaking cruel, harsh, _false_ words, and Phil was recoiling and reprimanding her.

But something worse was still to come. As Dan watched through horrified eyes, Mara approached Phil and actually _sat_ on him, on his lap, making herself far too comfortable there for his preference. Jealousy flared in Dan, along with something very close to outrage, especially because he could feel through the bond echoes of Phil’s own discomfort, entirely separate from Dan’s.

Phil didn’t want her there any more than Dan did.

But from there, things only got worse. Mara’s words cut deep, her obvious turmoil disappearing in favour of the _pain_ she caused. Dan felt it lance through him, piercing right to his deepest fears until he was tottering back down onto the sofa cushions, his eyes wide.

She… she wasn’t _right_ , was she?

Dan had always feared that he wouldn’t be enough. If he was completely honest with himself, a big reason why he’d shut himself out of the world of familiars had been from a deep-seated fear that something was just… wrong with him. That he was missing out on something, that he wasn’t good enough as he was. He’d been running from those fears for as long as he could remember, and the easiest way had been to just cut himself off from other people. PJ aside, because PJ had seemed to understand him on some level, but the raven had always kept her distance.

...Could this be why?

If Dan was reading her words right, and he was still reeling, then maybe she’d been fearing the same things he had this whole time. She’d rarely gone anywhere without PJ by her side, and never spoken to Dan alone. Dan had always assumed it was because she’d had some sense that something was wrong with him, but what if, really, she feared the same things he did? What if she’d avoided him because he reminded her too much of herself?

Dan’s mind was running away with itself, but he forced himself to concentrate, to keep linked to Phil and not run away in his own mind. His instincts were to lock himself out of Phil and run away, especially as he’d been feeling grey all day, but a stronger, bigger part of him knew that wasn’t the right reaction. That whatever he might be thinking, Mara was _wrong._

Phil had proved that, after all. Phil agreed with Dan about space, wanted (and didn’t want) all the same things as Dan. They matched perfectly, and things had been so _good_ lately. Dan had finally started to feel accepted, finally begun to believe that nothing was wrong with him after all. All he’d been missing out on was Phil, and now he had Phil in every possible way he wanted him, and everything was perfect. They had their own system for caring for each other’s needs, and neither of them wanted anything else.

Dan clung to that, clung to the soft memories he’d made with Phil, and shoved away any and all of Mara’s poisonous words. She was _wrong._ She _was_. And she’d _touched his Phil_ in a way Phil clearly hadn’t wanted her to, and Dan needed to fix that as quickly as possible, to wipe away any and all traces of herself that she’d shoved onto Phil. Anger curled through Dan even at the _thought_.

No, there was no way he was listening to anything she said ever again.

Dan got straight back up to his feet, wanting nothing more than to reach for Phil and remind him that Mara was wrong, that the rules didn't apply to them. He didn't have long to wait, either, as almost immediately Phil was popping suddenly into existence in a way that still made Dan jump, and then he was standing in the middle of Dan's floor in human form, just kind of hovering there and making little hiccupy noises.

Dan swallowed back his greyness in favour of striding forward and pulling Phil into a close hug. He always enjoyed cuddling, anyway, whether he was grey or not, and he knew Phil would never push the boundaries beyond what he was comfortable with, so Dan simply tucked Phil's head into his neck and held him tight, offering what little comfort he could.

"She's wrong," Dan promised softly, hoping Phil wouldn't be mad that he'd kind of been spying on their conversation. "We don't have to be like that. She's _wrong_."

Phil hated crying more than he hated anything else in the world. His throat would close up, and his nose got all stuffy, and he couldn’t seem to get rid of the choked up sounds he’d make when he really got going. He didn’t cry like that all that often, but he could feel the sensation starting to crawl into his throat already, and before he knew it, he was making small, choked, hiccupy noises as his hands clenched into fists at his sides, the tears already started to drip down his face.

There was just so much. The feeling of Mara _touching him_ still ached under his skin, and his heart was racing so fast in his chest because _what if she was right?_ What if, one day, Dan decided he did want those things that Phil didn’t want, and what if one day he went out and found someone who _did_ , the way Mara seemed to be afraid PJ was doing to him?

It wasn’t fair, and right then, Phil was more angry at Mara than he wanted to be. He was supposed to _be there_ for her right now, but he couldn’t be when he was freaking out because of what she’d said to him. Phil was so, so tired of people trying to dictate how his life was going to be - the familiars back at home, society _here_ , and now even his only true friend. It wasn’t fair, and everything she’d said still hurt more than Phil could say, even when he knew she hadn’t meant any of it at all. It was obvious to him she was just reacting, and she could hardly be blamed for doing just that, but that didn’t change the way she’d left him to feel.

Before Phil knew it, Dan was drawing him into his arms, cradling Phil's head to chest and speaking words of comfort into his ear, voice low and comforting and _kind_. It didn't even register to Phil what he was saying for a minute, he was so taken by surprise that Dan was holding him at all when he knew his witch had been feeling grey that day, that his witch had been waiting to cuddle Phil as a _cat_ rather than a human, but when he did register the words, he let out a horrified wail and really began to cry.

He couldn't hold it back anymore when Dan was holding him like this, when Dan was loving him like this and trying to keep him safe and cared for. He wailed into Dan's chest, and just kind of held him back, because he couldn't understand why no one seemed to validate what he had with Dan when it was just as good as whatever people considered a traditional tale of romance.

Mara was wrong. Phil had everything, right here and now, and nothing was going to change… right?

Phil just wanted to be normal, and he didn't feel normal. He didn't want people dictating his life anymore, and as much as he'd wanted to be there for Mara when she was not okay, he couldn't face it when she wanted to drag Phil down with her.

Dan wrapped his arms tighter around Phil, his heart breaking at the broken wail Phil made as he pressed his head into Dan's chest. Dan cradled him close, gently stroking through his hair with one hand and making soothing noises, his other hand wrapped tight around Phil's waist. This much close contact was a bit much for him, if he was honest, especially with Phil still being human, but at the same time Dan could overcome his momentary shudder in favour of making sure Phil was okay.

Was Phil okay, though? He was clutching tight to Dan and wailing, and the bond was filled with sadness and confusion and so much _hurt_. Dan just wanted to take it all away. He'd punch that stupid raven next time he saw her for making his Phil feel like this, like there was something wrong with them when honestly, Dan couldn't imagine ever being happier. Never mind the fact that she’d _forced herself on him_.

Dan was furious. He was furious with the way Mara had come along and forced all these problems into their relationship right when things were finally starting to be ok. Dan had started to dare to be happy with Phil. He liked that they ironed out their own boundaries, that they were building this beautiful thing where they could each get just as much contact as they wanted, no more and no less. He felt loved by Phil, and he loved Phil in return, and wasn't that really what all this was supposed to be about? Shouldn’t that be the most important thing? Why did Mara have to force something, and how _dare_ she try and force herself onto Phil just because Phil wasn’t going after those sorts of things?

Plus, Mara had dared to presume things about their relationship that just weren’t true. Dan flinched when he remembered how she’d screamed that one day Dan was going to hurt Phil, that he’d only want Phil for his body. That couldn’t be further from the truth, and he shuddered and held Phil tighter against him even at the thought.

What they had already was perfect. Dan would be damned if he let some stupid raven get in the way of their happiness. He was going to figure it out, why he and Phil were so different to the rest of the world. No matter what it took, he'd figure it out, for Phil's sake, so that Phil didn't have to go through this anymore.

"We're going to be okay," Dan promised quietly, his voice a low rumble against Phil's ear. "All that matters is that we're both happy, and I literally could not be happier with you, Phil."

It had been less than six days since the last time they'd had to have this conversation, less than six days since Phil had thought he was okay, and now the same conversation they'd already had to have once was being forced down Phil's throat to be had again, and he hated it. He hated constantly being made to question whether or not what he had with Dan was right and okay and good. He knew he shouldn't be letting Mara get into his head like this, but he couldn't help it when he already felt so insecure.

The other problem was how badly Phil needed comfort, knowing as he did that right now, Dan was feeling grey and wouldn't normally be wanting to hold Phil in this form at all. He felt terrible for making Dan hold him right then, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away when his chest hurt so much and he felt so hollow. He felt so hollow as he sobbed, the sounds hiccuping and loud, but everything was just _wrong_ , and Mara had been touching him in ways that Phil never wanted _anyone_ to touch him ever again - except maybe Dan, but even Dan wouldn’t mean it with the intent that Mara had. All Phil could really do right now was hope that Dan did not hate him for this.

He promised himself that as soon as he had himself more under control, he would pull himself together and switch forms for Dan, because the last thing he wanted to do was make this all messy for Dan when Dan was in a mood as it was. Dan never pushed Phil, and Phil would never push Dan in return.

"I love you," Phil said, and he could hear himself that there was something in his voice far different to normal, that he meant the words in a very different way than normal. He almost wanted to take them back, but he couldn't, choking on the very thought. "I just. Don't want anyone to dictate how I should feel anymore. I'm scared that one day I'm going to turn around and even you - even you think we should be different. I never expected this when I came to your world. I never expected things to be... different."

Dan leaned back to meet Phil's eyes, slowly and carefully, because he didn't want to surprise Phil with any sudden unwanted intimacy. But at the same time, this was important for them to iron out. Dan could see how much this issue was affecting them, and he hated it, but clearly they needed some added clarification and some definite idea of exactly what they were to each other for this to ever work out.

This was hurting Phil, and that meant Dan would never be okay with it.

"I love you too," Dan answered, the same fierce intensity behind his words as there was when Phil said them. It felt like they were on another level, but it was the only right level - it was the only way Dan could express just what Phil was to him. Phil was his other half, the one who fulfilled him, the one who made his life warm and happy and _better_.

"I love you, Phil," Dan said again, and he lifted one thumb to wipe away some of the tears under Phil's eyes. Although this was intimate, it was on a different level - not romantic, no, this was so much _more_ than romantic. It was a completely different plane, one where Phil was everything to Dan, and Dan could be everything to him, too. "No one has to dictate how we are around each other, Phil, literally the only thing that could ever matter is how _we_ feel. And I _love_ you, I love you so much."

He drew back, then, releasing Phil from his hold but keeping one hand held tightly in his, because he could tell that Phil needed it right then. Perhaps he needed the reassurance that Dan really was happy with this, that Dan was never going to want something other. What they had was everything to him already.

Phil couldn't even begin to describe what he was feeling as Dan drew away from his slowly, staring into Phil's eyes and saying I love you with the same intensity that Phil had said it, with the same strength and meaning and energy as Phil had given him, reaching down to grab both of Phil's hands in his as he said it again, brown eyes boring into Phil's. There was a warmth and energy there that put Phil at ease, at least for now, and at least enough to make him feel like he really was going to be okay. Dan loved him, and whatever this was, was so much _more_ than whatever Mara had been talking about when she'd asked Phil if he'd ever fallen in love.

This was... this was an entirely different thing, on an entirely different plane of existence, that meant so much more than anything Phil had ever seen anyone else have on TV. If all love was was what was on TV, then Phil didn't want it. He wanted _this._

As Dan spoke, Phil couldn't help tearing up some more, the tears dripping down his cheeks as he listened and tried to hold back those wailing sobs that were welling in him again. This time, this time it was more than fear and sadness, it was gratefulness that someone could love him so much, and could want him to be happy so much, that they could reassure him in this. Dan had to be getting tired of this, not to mention he was probably feeling too grey for this, and yet Phil could not appreciate him more than he did in that moment.

"Come with me," Dan said, voice commanding. "I'm getting my laptop, and we're looking this up. And don't fight me," he forestalled Phil's objections with a raised brow, "Because I know you said you don't want someone else's opinion, but this has upset you for too long and I won't have it. We're going to find out that there is _nothing wrong with us_ , once and for all. Because there isn't. There's nothing wrong with you, Phil, and you aren't missing out on anything. Other than a witch who's a bit better at talking about their feelings than I am," Dan confessed with a small wink, his hand still tight in Phil's.

Phil’s breathing hitched when Dan pulled away from him though, and he almost protested when Dan insisted they go and look up what they were experiencing, but Dan's words stopped him cold in his tracks until he was left staring at Dan with a stunned awe at the power and control in his witch's words.

The tension was broken by Dan winking, and Phil coughed out a half-laugh, half-sob, following the other male as he steered Phil back over to the sofa and forced him to sit down. Immediately afterwards, he was off to get his laptop, and Phil was left to his own thoughts.

All he could really do was hope that Dan was right, and that there really was nothing wrong with him, that he wasn't missing anything and that he was _right._ Mara had to be wrong. What Phil had with Dan felt like so much _more,_ felt so much _better._ He shoved his face in his hands, and just kind of let himself cry.

When Dan reappeared with his laptop, it was to find Phil sitting curled up on the sofa with his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking. Dan's heart tore a bit again. As soon as he could, he had his laptop open and loading and an arm around Phil, settling next to him on the sofa and pulling until he had Phil leaning completely against him.

"I promise it's okay," Dan murmured, though he thought Phil already knew that. The issue wasn't that Dan and Phil felt okay, the issue was that everyone in the world kept telling them they shouldn't. Well, Dan was going to prove them all wrong. Especially that stupid raven.

Pressing a quick kiss to the top of Phil's head, Dan didn't remove his arm once his laptop finally loaded. He just used his weaker right hand to open up a search engine, the fingers of his left rubbing soothingly against Phil's shoulder.

It was then that Dan realised he actually didn't have any idea what to type.

He paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to word this without instantly cringing or getting completely grossed out. In the end, he settled on typing in 'relationship not romantic not sexual', and took a deep breath before hitting enter.

The results that flashed up took his breath away.

At first, he'd been scared that he'd be met with nothing but ridicule and laughter, or websites that were trying to 'fix' the 'problem'. What he got instead was a plethora of sites that suggested new words with new definitions, things he'd never heard of before that seemed to describe a whole new world; one he fit in with much better.

Dan nudged Phil gently, clicking on a link with word definitions and pointing to it with his chin. "Phil, look. Look at this, we're _not_ the only ones." The list ranged through a whole host of words Dan had never heard of before, things like _asexual_ and _aceflux_ and _demisexual_ and _aromantic_ and _queerplatonic._ Although the sheer number of new definitions was a little overwhelming, Dan was already excited, because this was exactly what Phil needed.

Reassurance that they weren't alone.

Phil's worst fear had always been that he'd spend his whole life alone. When you lived in a world where most of your companions concern was finding and knowing how to be with their witch, there wasn't much room to form close bonds. In fact, most of the other familiars that Phil knew, he knew very little about other than their thoughts and dreams for the future. Once a familiar found their witch, they often ceased to exist to the other familiars, and it was completely normal, but Phil had always hated it - always hated feeling so alone in the world while he waited to find Dan.

Now, that fear was only growing, becoming all consuming as Dan wrapped his arm around Phil's shoulders and dragged him in, fingers tracing loving, reassuring designs into Phil's skin. This embrace should make him feel happy, but all he could feel was anger at himself that he was making Dan hold him when his witch was feeling so grey as it was. The last thing Phil had ever wanted to do was to push Dan into something he couldn't handle at any given point in time, but Phil didn't have the strength to pull away or even attempt to change his form, because his heart hurt and he _needed_ to feel human right now.

He just wanted to fit in, to have a community and people who loved him just the way he was. Phil was tired of changing, of thinking he had to be different than what he was to fit into some kind preformed box the world had created for him, be it the familiars of his world, or the movies of this world.

So when Dan nudged at him, and said that they weren't alone, Phil opened his eyes slowly, not knowing if this was something he could truly believe.

And yet it was there, sat right on the screen, in bold letters: words and definitions, forums that made Phil's stomach churn to even see. There were so many words, so many definitions, so many _labels_ that Phil didn't even want to learn, but his eyes kept flashing over people begging for help, and terms that described what Phil had been feeling for months now as Dan slowly scrolled down the page, just letting Phil's eyes dart about everywhere as he tried to take it all in.

Ace, Aro, flux, queerplatonic, _okay._ Phil was _okay_. No one could take this away from him or invalidate him, because he was okay.

Slowly, Phil turned a wet gaze up to Dan and just stared at him.

"So I'm okay?" he whispered. "We're okay? And you're not - you're not gonna wake up and want to leave me one day?"

Dan kept his gaze constantly on Phil, watching the way his eyes widened as he took in the words on Dan's laptop screen. The shock and sheer _hope_ on his face was enough to convince Dan that this had been the right thing to do - that Phil needed this, needed to see they weren't the only ones. Whether they picked out definite labels or not didn't matter, it just mattered that they weren't _alone._

Dan, too, was a little happier when he saw that they weren't the only ones. It had never bothered him, not really, to be different, but there was a strange new comfort in seeing it in black and white.

He met Phil's eyes and winced, because Phil really _had_ believed there was something wrong with him, hadn't he? He'd really believed that Dan could just decide to up and leave him one day, when the complete _opposite_ was true. Dan tried to think of it, to think of pushing Phil out of his life, and he shuddered. The bond tugged on him endlessly, and he welcomed it. His days of loneliness were long over and he couldn't imagine ever going back, not anymore.

"Phil," Dan answered softly, "Of _course_ I'm not going to leave you. When I think of my future, I think of...us. Making potions, figuring out new ways to use our magic, the look on your face when you try new food for the first time, the way it feels when I manage to make you laugh. Knowing I could turn around at any minute and you'd be right there. That's all I want, Phil."

He reached out to cup Phil's cheek, gently, not leaning in, instead just holding them both together. "We're always connected, and you're the best person in the entire universe. Why on earth would I ever want something different to this?"

Phil was left staring and blinking at Dan, heart swelling with so much emotion, eyes prickling with more unshed tears. It was just that he'd never thought that any of this was going to happen - the confusion, the heartbreak, the fear - when he'd come to Earth. He'd just thought that everything would slot into place, and that Dan, and him, or his body, and Dan's instincts, would tell them what to do. So far, that hadn't happened. So far, they'd both had to muddle through this like two very confused idiots, figuring out what they wanted rather than just listening to what the world said they should - and while that was technically good, it was so much harder. So much harder, because it had left Phil with the sense that something was wrong with him, and that he wasn't doing this right, and that one day someone who _did_ know what they were doing would come along and steal Dan right out from under him.

But no, Dan was promising Phil that when he thought of a future, he thought of one with Phil there. He thought of things the way they were, with both men happy and content with the way things were, working together and trying new things, and always, _always_ making each other laugh and happy and keeping each other _there._

Phil was an idiot. Why had he spent so much time letting other people's world views taint his own when Dan had always been right there, willing and ready to promise himself to Phil in every way?

"I'm scared I'm not enough," Phil whispered, then, getting to the heart of the matter, because how could Dan promise himself to Phil when he felt like this? "I'm so scared I'm not giving you everything you need. I don't know what's wrong with Mara and PJ, but she scared me today because they aren't even _together_ anymore. What if that happens to us? I just. Can you - can we look at all this? Can you show me what you feel, and I can show you what I feel? Maybe... maybe if we understand it better I'll feel safer..." he mumbled, trailing off, unsure.

Dan's first instinct was to jump right in there and tell Phil that of course he was enough, of course there was nothing wrong with him and Dan could never want anything else in life. Hell, Dan hadn't even wanted _this_ at first, because this had been too much for him. The thought of ever wanting anything _more_ was completely crazy.

But that wasn't what Phil needed to hear. Phil needed something more concrete, something more definite, so he'd feel safe and sure and secure in the knowledge that he was already giving Dan everything he wanted a _nd more._ Dan could give him that.

"Of course," he answered finally, and turned back to the laptop, pulling up the definitions sheet again. "Let's - I know, how about this? We could both make lists, using this as a guide," he waved a hand at the screen, "Make a list of what we want, what we would maybe be okay with, and what we definitely don't want. Then we can compare lists and see how well we match up. Does that sound good?" He turned to Phil with a small smile, eyes focused. "It's important that you know how much I need you."

Phil was shaking, which he was pretty sure was silly all things considered, as Dan regarded him for a moment before turning back to his laptop with a prompt "Of course," clicking around until he'd come back to the page full of definitions - there was an overwhelming amount of them, and the sight of them both made Phil's insides tremble in glee and in terror that there was so much there. Already, his eyes had scanned over words and phrases that felt _right_ , but he was still afraid that nothing was going to fit and that he was going to find out that he really _wasn't_ what Dan wanted, despite Dan's reassurances that he was.

He tore terrified eyes away from the screen of Dan's laptop as his witch suggested a way for them to feel comfortable around each other, and slowly, Phil nodded, already magicking two pads of paper and two pens out of thin air and into their hands in his haste to feel _better_.

"You have to write everything though," Phil muttered. "Like. What you want every time you want something different," he clarified, staring worriedly at the screen and trying to find that word again, just to make sure it really was real - flux. Flux. Fluxy, flux. There, there, right there. Phil's eyes lit up, and he stifled a small noise of surprise and excitement at seeing it so clearly defined right there for him - _moving in and out of a feeling at completely random intervals_.

This was real, and normal, and okay, and Phil was clinging so hard to this that he thought he was going to explode.

"Terms too? Like... write down the terms you like or feel the most akin to?" he asked, biting his lip as the excitement exploded through him.

Dan stamped down on his magic before it could cause any actual damage.

Dan bit back a small smile as he felt Phil's magic flaring, because that right there meant that Phil was beginning to get excited. Dan almost liked the way Phil's magic would flare like that; it was such a visceral reaction and it showed him an inner part of Phil that he knew no one else got to see. It was special. Dan clamped down on the reaction, setting a cool lid over the fiery spell to keep it under control. He liked how that felt, too - how it had just become instinct to keep Phil protected and safe.

Dan took the pen and paper Phil had conjured up, drawing himself up a chart with three columns, for things he always liked, sometimes liked, and never liked. He nodded at Phil's suggestion, adding a section at the bottom for a list of terms he identified with, or felt like described him in some way. "Good idea. We can do this."

Things were silent for a few minutes then, as they both scribbled and read the screen, moving it up and down at intervals. Surprisingly, Dan was actually quite enjoying himself. He liked finding new ways to describe himself, to figure out the mess that was going on inside his head. This was like another step up from that, and he was finally growing to realise that there was an explanation for why he was the way he was, that there was a whole community of other people out there exactly like him and Phil.

Most importantly, this exercise should show Phil once and for all that he was always going to be exactly what Dan needed.

When Dan finally got to the end of the list, he had a sheet of paper filled with words. For the chart, he had cuddles (human and cat), ear-scratches, sharing a bed, and making Phil purr under the list of things that he always enjoyed, hugging and kissing and hand-holding under things he sometimes enjoyed, and having sex (he actually shuddered, but forced himself to write the word down anyway, because it was important) listed as the only thing that was never okay. After a moment's thought, he added _kissing with mouths open_ to the never list, knowing he probably wouldn't really enjoy that, either.

As for terms he identified with, Dan had written down asexual (never feeling sexual attraction), aroflux ( _fluctuating between feeling romantic attraction and other types of attraction_ ) underlined, and sex repulsion. Those were the only terms that had really grabbed him - he'd never really been a big fan of labelling himself.

He turned to Phil, holding his sheet of paper up against his chest and taking in a deep breath. "Are you ready to compare?"

So Phil was a bit of a cheater. The second that Dan gave him the go ahead that they could mark down words they liked for themselves, he glanced over at his witch’s paper to get a sense of how he was setting up, and then promptly turned back to his own to mimic him: three columns, and a block at the bottom labeled "terms." Then he got to writing, ears tingling a slightly terrified pink now that he and Dan were no longer touching and they were about to be forced to face whether or not they were similar people. His fingers itched as he considered each of his columns, and avoided glancing at Dan's entirely to instead focus on his own wants and needs without the pressure of wanting to copy Dan whether he felt that way or not.

In the end, his paper ended up looking like a bit of a mess.

Under "always enjoy," Phil had written cuddles and hand-holding, both as a cat and a human, as well as bed-sharing for both human and cat (despite worrying that Dan only liked that sometimes). He'd also scribbled down ear scratches and sitting in Dan's lap, though only in cat form as sometimes it was too intimate for him when he was human. His last note was regarding enjoying casual touches at all times, needing as he did the reassurance that Dan was there and his. Under "sometimes" Phil had hugging and kissing, sitting in Dan's lap as a human, and food sharing, which he scribbled out and corrected as _feeding each other food._ He considered the column for one more second before moving on, but the last column was easy, and though he couldn't write the word, he did put "pheromones" knowing that Dan would understand.

The terms were a bit harder. Phil penned in asexual and sex-repulsed, though the words and definition completely made him shudder, before grasping onto aroflux and fluxy, relieved when it explained why sometimes Phil _loved_ Dan, and other times he just... loved him. The website explained it better, and Phil moved on quickly when his eyes landed on another term: queerplatonic relationship.

He didn't have a chance to jot down the definition before Dan was turning to him, holding his sheet of paper against his chest and staring at Phil with hopeful eyes.

Slowly, Phil nodded, and he picked up his own sheet of paper and turned it to Dan.

Dan was a bit sneaky, and he cast a quick glance over Phil's paper before turning his own around for Phil to see. Relief flooded through Dan's chest, though, because even from that quick glance he'd gleaned enough to see that Phil agreed with him, at least about most things. Dan's shoulders actually sagged, tension draining out of his body. He'd been more worried than he'd even realised that Phil might secretly want more out of this than Dan ever could.

That didn't seem to be the case, though, and as Dan compared their lists side-by-side so that Phil could read them too, he actually let out a little laugh.

He and Phil agreed on almost _everything._ The only thing that was in a different category was hand-holding, which Phil had down as always and Dan had down as sometimes, but he was sure they could work around that. Phil had also gone into a bit more detail about sitting in Dan's lap as a cat and a human, but Dan fully agreed with him.

The most heartbreaking thing was seeing that Phil had only written 'pheromones' in the never column, clearly unable to even write the word sex.

Dan instantly grabbed for Phil's hand, his greyness apparently having faded sometime during this conversation. He held Phil's hand tight and leaned into his side, letting out another little laugh. "See? Look at that. A near-perfect match." He turned to Phil with glimmering eyes, relief and happiness bubbling through him. Here was clear, objective proof that they were more similar than Dan had ever dared to imagine.

"I agree with you about the food, too," Dan clarified, "Sometimes I like feeding you. But sometimes it's a bit… much?" He grinned. "And I can deal with hand-holding, I like it usually, just if I'm very grey I might not. And we _never ever_ have to do that… thing." He shuddered, pointing to both their never columns. He hadn't glanced down to the labels they'd chosen yet, too keen to analyse their opinions on actions.

Phil's heart was fluttering along anxiously as his eyes scanned between the two sheets of paper pressed side by side only to find that most everything was the same, and a slow smile spread across his lips as he realised that yes, okay, that's fine, everything was okay. Dan didn't like hand-holding as much as Phil did, it seemed, but he agreed about literally everything else, other than the few things Phil had written that Dan had not. He _was_ surprised that Dan had said sharing a bed was always okay now, though, and turned to Dan as the other male reached out to lace their fingers together, staring at Phil as he spoke.

"We don't always have to hold hands," Phil agreed easily, a little breathless with a new, relaxed happiness. "But - but is casual touching okay? Sometimes... sometimes I need to be human around you, even when you're grey, and I like it when we bump shoulders, or hips, or our hands touch because it reminds me that I'm yours," he murmured, turning his head away in embarrassment and fear that Dan would not be okay with that. It had been about three days now of Dan being grey and Phil staying in his human form, and so far it had been fine, but Phil was afraid that Dan had just never considered it before.

"Also," he added, clearing his throat. "Bed sharing. I'm - I'm happy to do it in either form, but... there's a difference. I know there's a difference in how it feels when I'm a cat, and when I'm a human, so... so are you sure bed sharing is always okay with you? Because it's okay if it's not, it really is. I can sleep in your bed as a cat all the time and I'd be happy, or I could take the sofa on bad nights. I don't mind," he hastened to say, just so relieved that he was a close to perfect match for Dan in the first place.

"Casual touching is okay," Dan agreed readily after giving it a moment's thought. He'd be okay with that, he thought, even on grey days - he hadn't been too freaked out with Phil being human these past few days, and on the rare occasion that he _did_ freak out, it was because he was afraid that Phil was going to suddenly do something he didn't want. He knew that wasn't going to happen now, though - that Phil had no desire to do those things, either.

This exercise had been a good idea.

"I like when we bump hips or tease each other, too," Dan confirmed, turning to Phil with a smile and lifting a hand to run his fingers gently through Phil's hair. "And hair touching. I kind of - love touching your hair? Or your fur, when you're a cat. It doesn't matter how grey I am, I always love doing that. Is that kind of casual touching what you mean?"

He considered carefully what Phil had said about sharing a bed. He was right - there _was_ a difference when he was human, and it was about time that Dan actually addressed that, and gave some thought to why he would freak out occasionally about waking up in the same bed with Phil. "I'm always happy sharing a bed with you when you're a cat," he said quietly after a few minutes of thinking. "I never have to worry, then. Sometimes, when you're human...sometimes, I feel like I'm trapped?" He tried to explain it, biting his inner cheek. "It's like - if you have arms and you're lying on top of me, then sometimes I get scared because I can't move? But I love holding you. And sometimes I really want to go to sleep in your arms, I just...can't guarantee I'll wake up like that." He grimaced. "I'm sorry. I know that's hard to deal with. I don't want you on the sofa ever, though. I want you with me, at my side."

Phil grinned as Dan reassured him that bumping hips was most definitely okay, that Phil could tease and annoy Dan as much as he needed when he was in human form and craving the attention and adoration of Dan in whatever form he could get it in. At the mention of hair petting, he practically mewled, humming and nearly curling into Dan, only catching himself at the last second because he knew that Dan was grey today, and Phil was not. "Yes. Yes, hair touching, and hands brushing, and shoulders pressed to shoulders. I just... I just crave some kind of reminder that you don't hate me?" he asked, feeling dumb for having to say something like that to Dan of all people. Dan didn't seem to mind though, actually reaching over and pressing a hand against Phil's scalp and drawing it down his hair in one slow sweep before pulling away again with a small smile. Phil practically melted, having to shake himself to focus on what else Dan was saying.

It made sense to Phil that Dan would sometimes feel trapped if he woke up in a position they'd agreed on the night before but had fluxed from wanting it to hating it upon waking up, and couldn't blame him at all. The few times it had happened in the last month or so since they'd started sharing a bed hadn't even upset Phil as much as the first time, because he did understand, on some level, that Dan wasn't rejecting him, so he squeezed Dan's fingers in his and smiled slowly at him, nodding his head. "I can deal with that. It's not hard at all. I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable by invading your space. I want to do as much as we can to avoid making you uncomfortable. If you wake up feeling different then when you went to sleep, that's okay. I can handle that," Phil agreed easily, because he'd never be able to say no if Dan wanted Phil to hold him before bed, regardless of whether or not he didn't want it anymore come morning.

Besides, Dan was always understanding of Phil when Phil disagreed, despite the two of them not always feeling the same thing at the same time.

It also made him happy to hear that Dan was never going to ban him back to the sofa again, and he chuckled a little, ducking his gaze away from Dan's.

"Besides. Since we both seem to... to not always want certain things at certain times, and we're not always on the same page at the same time... concessions are going to be necessary anyway. I don't want you to ever think you're a burden to me. I just want you to always be happy."

Dan's grin was wide when Phil all but melted under the touch to his hair. That right there - that was what Dan loved, and it had him fluxing back to full romo mood before he even realised it. When Phil was reluctant to lean into him, Dan made the decision for him by simply curling up small and determinedly pressing himself into Phil's chest, nudging his head against Phil's neck.

After all, Phil wasn't grey today, and now Dan really wanted a cuddle.

"I don't want you to think you're a burden to me, either," Dan agreed with a happy little sound, feeling much more content now he was curled up against Phil. "I promise I'll never be angry or hurt if you go grey and want to stop something suddenly. The most important thing is we're always honest with each other, I think." He yawned a little. "I don't want misunderstandings to happen again, and I never want to end up like PJ and the raven." Dan's lips twitched down a little, and he resolved to speak to PJ about that as soon as he could get them alone.

For now, though, Phil was his main concern. Dan tilted his head up from where he was leaning into Phil's neck, meeting his eyes with a pleading gaze. "Promise to always tell me when you go grey? And I'll tell you too. And if I'm grey but you want to stay human, I think we could still share a bed, if we, sort of, kept our distance a bit? Like, held hands, but didn't cuddle. Then I wouldn't feel trapped. Would that be okay?"

Phil looked down in surprise when Dan quite suddenly curled into his body, tucking his head just under Phil's chin, side of his head resting against Phil's chest. The way Dan had done it had made him so much smaller looking as well, and it was cute, so cute that Phil found himself reaching around Dan to wrap his arm around his waist, just wanting to hold him, and glad that Dan seemed okay with it, had initiated it even. The warmth of him always made Phil's heart ache when he was feeling like this - what he was coming to understand was romantic feelings that weren't ever going to be quite as strong as the ones in romance movies and novels, but which were definitely just as real and valid. He wasn't always going to feel like this either, but he was far from grey right now as he stared down at Dan, soft smile curling the edges of his lips.

Phil relaxed as Dan promised that he didn't want either of them to ever feel uncomfortable, resolving that both men should tell the other when they were suddenly fluxing from one feeling to another, no matter what they were in the middle of. The second they felt uncomfortable, both Dan and Phil could tell each other and they would stop whatever they were doing in an instant. The thought of that alone was so relaxing, that Phil practically turning into mush against Dan.

He was disrupted from his position by Dan suddenly looking up at him, soft brown eyes so worried that for a second, Phil was terrified that something was wrong.

So when Dan said what he wanted to say, it made Phil chuckle and relax again. "Promise. But we don't have to touch at all. Just because I'm human doesn't mean that I _need_ to be touching you at all times. I'd like to, when I'm in this form, whether I'm grey or not, just for reassurance, but I don't need it... especially if you’re not feeling up to it. Some nights, hand holding or cuddling, they're all fine. But it doesn't always have to be that way. No pressure. I don't want any pressure at all," he murmured, smiling at Dan and hoping that he'd take Phil as seriously as Phil was taking him.

They could discuss the way they felt every night, and Phil wouldn't even care. It would never be a burden to him.

His mind flicked back to Mara and PJ then, and something important started to settle in his belly. The way that Mara had described her feelings about PJ… well, in all honestly, they resonated deep within him, but never so much as they did when he was left staring at these terms on a laptop screen, on pieces of paper in front of him and Dan. Having these words, these labels to back him, they made Phil feel secure enough to look at Mara and realize… that maybe she was acting out because she didn’t have this security either.

Phil knew what it was like to be a familiar, knew what it was like to have someone telling you your whole life how things were meant to be, knew what it was like to find your witch and realize that things weren’t exactly _that_. He knew how hard it was to navigate a world a million times different than you were ever expecting it to be, and some of his anger at Mara suddenly disappeared, because he thought he understood.

Now that he understood himself, he thought he understood her, and he decided right then and there that sometime soon, he was going to help her. He was going to help her fix whatever was wrong in her relationship with PJ, and he was going to show her that the world was not black and white. Things were never going to be simple, but especially not if she and PJ kept letting the world decide for her how things were going meant to be.

Pushing those thoughts aside, and feeling better already about his friend, Phil allowed himself to move on. They could solve that later, if Mara still wanted his help.

Phil’s eyes flicked over to the "never" column then as Dan thought beside him, and he reached out to cover that word he didn't like with his finger before focusing on the other thing Dan had said. "What’s... kissing with mouths open?" he asked.

Dan's cheeks grew hot, and he could feel that stupid patch on his lower right cheek turning red. "Um. Kissing with mouths open, it's… it's a thing that some couples do. Apparently it feels good? But I just - I just find it kind of gross." He swallowed. "It's like - like, when we kiss on the mouth, but… tongues get involved." He held back a shudder. "I mean… if you ever wanted to try it, I guess… I guess we could always try."

When Dan started blushing, Phil suddenly wondered if he wanted to know what tongue kissing was at all. He stared at Dan, mortified, as he started to explain how people used their tongues when they kissed each other. The very thought of it made Phil's face crinkle in disgust, and he scrunched his nose up, shaking his head right away. "No!" he said, "I don't need to try it. I don't - no, that's. That's gross," he complained, pulling his hand away from Dan's paper and shoving it towards him. "No. I just like - like what we've done before. And sometimes, like the first time when you let me like, suck on your lip a little, but no tongue!" he complained immediately.

Dan snickered at Phil's little disgusted noise, the laugh once again mostly from relief. He magicked the paper back onto the desk, not wanting to move from his comfortable resting place to put them down properly. While he was at it, he removed the word _sex_ with a little flick of his fingers, burning a hole in the paper so it was completely obliterated. He kept the rest of the charts, though - a reminder that they really were perfect for each other.

"No tongue," Dan promised, and he leaned up to Phil again with a small smile. "I can deal with the sucking thing, though. I'm really not grey anymore, in fact, so..." he leaned in close, one hand lifting up to cup Phil's cheek, and just hovered there with his eyes meeting Phil's. "We could practise some, if you aren't grey too?"

That's when Dan leaned in closer to him and cupped his cheek, promising Phil that they never had to involve tongue in their kissing at all. It was the following comment Dan made that caused Phil's heart to stutter in his chest, though, and his breathing to hitch as he stared at Dan. He licked his lips subconsciously, surprised by the sudden movement, and glanced into very keen, very willing eyes.

"Okay," he ended up whispering, because he most _definitely_ wasn't grey - far from it, in fact - and he most definitely wanted to kiss Dan right then. After all this talk, he was definitely feeling full romo. "Yeah," he said again, the word breathy off his lips. Dan chuckled at him, and Phil could feel it against his skin. He shivered. Dan's thumb stroked gently across his cheek.

"We don't have to," he reassured Phil.

"I want to," Phil reassured him.

So they did. Slowly, both men leaned in until their lips were brushing softly, chastely, the way they'd most often kissed, though they'd done that so little that Phil was surprised by Dan's sudden desire to _try_. He liked it, though, and his eyes fluttered closed automatically as he reached up to bunch his fingers lightly in Dan's shirt. Their lips parted, and then moved back together, fluttering over each other's gently and carefully. The feeling sent sparks of happiness through Phil's heart, and he grinned as he tilted his head and slipped his bottom lip between both of Dan's. Immediately, Dan was tentatively sucking at the bit of skin, causing Phil to sigh and mimic the movement, though they both got startled rather quickly and pulled apart.

"Try that again?" Dan suggested softly. Phil's cheeks were burning when he nodded his head.

And so, they tried again, with Phil tentatively leaning back in and Dan meeting him for every movement, both of them trying and learning and exploring each other to figure out the sweet spots. Dan learned that if he took Phil's bottom lip carefully between his own, it got Phil to melt against him, and if he ran a gentle hand through Phil's hair as they kissed then Phil made this delightful little breathy noise.

They kissed for a long time, movements slow and careful and never hurried, never desperate. They weren't desperate for this - instead, the actions took on a new meaning for them both. Dan allowed the love for Phil to blossom in his chest, pressing outward until he was glowing with it, glowing with the knowledge that _he made Phil happy._

When eventually they drew back, it was with little looks and shy smiles and gentle giggles on both their parts. Phil immediately took Dan's hand in his own, and Dan gave his fingers a squeeze before curling back up in his new favourite position, small against Phil's chest with his head over Phil's heart.

Dan's lips were still tingling. _That_ was definitely new. He could also feel his heart thudding away in his chest, and his palms may have been sweating a little, and this was about the most physically romantic Dan had ever felt in his entire life. He stayed still for a minute, adjusting, and waited to see if that sickening, trapped feeling would return.

It didn't - at least, not yet. Dan would be prepared for when it did, so for now, he leaned against Phil with a low, happy sigh. "Good?" he mumbled, because apparently lots of good kissing just made him sleepy and overly affectionate, "'Cause it was good for me."

Their lips pulled apart for the final time, and Phil's eyes fluttered open slowly, just trying to process the moment they'd just had and the way it felt to kiss Dan like that - practicing movements to see what was okay for them and what was not, sharing a romantic intimacy that Phil knew he wouldn't always want to share but that he'd enjoyed right then more than he could ever explain. He found himself smiling shyly at Dan, laughing quietly as he reached up to touch his lips at the same time as Dan pulled back to lay against his chest, because right then, he was most definitely _in love_ with Dan. He always loved Dan, would always love Dan, but today, it was so much... different. His heart was fluttering away like a hummingbird in his chest, and he was warm all over in a pleasant way, little tingles running up and down his spine.

He dropped his fingers to wrap his arm around Dan, and laughed as he tucked his face into his hair.

"Definitely good," he agreed, the sound a muffled sound of contentment. "So good. I - thank you, Dan. I think I really needed all of this, and - and you always give me exactly what I need," he explained quietly, humming into Dan's hair and kissing right there. He sighed, closing his eyes, and giggled again as his stomach filled with keen excitement.

"There is nothing I could ever want to change about you," he added, and closed his eyes. "I love you."

Dan squirmed happily in Phil's grip, a bright smile stretching his lips wide before he even realised it was happening. Had Phil honestly said that? That he _wouldn't change Dan_? Because that, that was exactly what Dan had been fearing this whole time. That some familiar would come into his life and turn it completely upside down, point out all his bad habits and force him to change, force him into things he didn't want.

But here was Phil, saying he accepted Dan completely as he was. Shortcomings and all, and Dan knew he had many of them.

"Phil," he said, and his voice actually cracked. He didn't even have words for the moment, so he just turned his face up to meet Phil's eyes and leaned in to peck him on the cheek, his fingers tightening in their hold around Phil's. As Dan looked up at him, Dan’s eyes were filled with the most emotion he'd ever shown - he could feel himself practically wearing his love on his face.

" _Phil_ ," he sighed again, happily, and leaned in as close as he could, just burrowing into Phil's side to carve himself out a permanent place there. "I love you," he mumbled against Phil's side, and then laughed. "I _love_ you. I never knew what those words meant, but - but I love you."

Phil had never truly known what those words meant either. For all the familiars in his world talked about it, acted as if they knew the exact formula of how to _be in love_ , Phil had never truly understood until he’d been with Dan. In fact, he’d never truly understood until just that moment.

“Me too,” Phil replied softly, and turned to stare up at Dan with the softest look he could manage. There were tears in his eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to love Dan forever. “Me too,” he repeated softly, and closed his eyes as he leaned in for another kiss.

_Fin_


End file.
